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I said CHEERFUL, not spastic… [[Ian, with Orip on his head, stands, bedraggled and beaten up, with JM behind]] / JM: For someone who doesn't drink, you sure look like hell warmed over. / [[flashback displays Ian surprised, Matt crying and JM with pointer finger in the air]] / Ian(recalling): UGH. I was up all night taking care of...
Ninjas can fly… No, Really [[It is a dark and stormy night]] / Narrator: A night like any other… / Narrator: Or is it? / Narrator: Tonight, a lone avenger stalks the corridors of Mac Hall. / Narrator: Tonight, the guilty will be punished for their crimes. / Narrator: Tonight, one man's thirst for revenge will finally be...
Gobba-gobba [[JM is standing, Ian is sitting in a comfy chair, resting]] / JM: Ahhh, so full. You eat well today? / Ian: Not really, why? / JM: Well…you know, THANKSGIVING and all. / Ian: CRAP! / <> / [[JM looks disgusted, Ian looks frantic]] / JM: You forgot THANKSGIVING. / Ian: Mom! It was an accident,...
The Writing's On The Wall [[Hallway, arrow on the floor pointing to a door. Vision is outlined in red, titled as Drew Cam]] / [[Still in Drew Cam, door number 450 is approached, there is a sign]] / sign: for anal sex and cake, apply within -Drew / [[Drew's face is seen, glowing red with rage and fists are balled]] / [[Drew...
I'm Only a Messenger [[Greg has apparently pushed Betsy into a tentacle pit]] / Greg: Get in there, You! / Betsy: AIEEEEEEE / [[Matt enters the frame, Greg lights a cigarette]] / Matt: What's this? / Greg: Upping the ante on the war with Amuse Me. Whipped up a tentacle pit and pushed Betsy in. / [[Matt appears surprised, Greg...
 
Na-Na-Na-Na [[Ian sitting on the couch with the cat perched on his head]] / [[Matt approaching from behind couch]] / Matt: Finals coming up soon. / Ian: Yup / Matt: Haven't see you studying much / Ian: Nope / Ian: I'm trying a new approach this semester. The way I see it, if I freak out and panic, I'll be in no shape...
Stock Monkeys [[Kevin, drooling Greeter, and Wal*Mart supervisor standing In a Wal*Mart]] / Supervisor: Welcome to your first day here at Wal-Mart, Kevin. Let me show you around and take you to your position. This is the greeter's section. He gets paid to do absolutely nothing. You won't be working here. / [[Attractive...
Holiday Special Means More Effort [[Matt sitting at a desk]] / Matt: Ah geez. Ian Needs more scripts, and I'm completely, totally, out of ideas. / Matt: Gah. I'm such a hack! I can't even think of a single, solitary... / Matt:... / Matt: Well it's about time you showed up. / Matt's Brain: Pff. Like I'm going to hang around all day when...
When the Piro is away... [[Piro is walking away with a sack over his shoulder.]] / When webcomic artists occasionally vanish, much to the chagrin of their readers, it's not because they're being lazy... No, the truth is far stranger than that. / For every few months, these pioneers of digital entertainment retreat to a remote...
Come on, who's done this? [[Helen sits, holding a game controller while Micah stands behind her, looking stunned and surprised]] / Helen: …a nice person, I guess. I dunno. What do YOU look for in a relationship? I like a guy with some intelligence. Not really a showoff, but someone who doesn't hide their smarts either. Someone...
 
Walk Around in Circles [[Ian and Matt are alternatively shown sitting in recliners, listening to job interviewers, with Ian in the first panel.]] / I'm sorry, but we don't really have any illustration jobs open at the moment for... / ...someone of your relative inexperience in the field of journalism, but... / ...we encourage...
Not infact a Tiger [[JM is standing outside as it snows, thinking to himself.]] / JM: Another year gone by, and I'm still here at college. I guess that's good. / JM: Of course, it seems like neither me nor any of my friends know what we're going to be doing once we leave. Or more importantly, why we're doing it. I wonder...
Martha, my mortal enemy [[JM is holding a newspaper. Ian is holding a bottle of glue.]] / JM: So, heard the big news? / Ian: What big news? / JM: I took the liberty of saving you a copy of the front page. / [[The front page of a newspaper is shown. The headline reads "K-Mart Files For Bankruptcy, Thousands to lose jobs." In the...
90# True Day 1 / The Monkey Avatar is changed to a wolf via a hacker program found online in order to halt any further references to "Spanking the Monkey" by Micah. Said creature promptly does a little jig. And so it is good. / Your creature is happy / Day 3, / After much physical and mental development, it becomes...
Ice Nine [[Ian, chased by a mob of nuns who want to kill him for not saying the pledge of allegience, seeks shelter in a nearby cave.]] / [[Instead of safety, he finds himself trapped under a landslide. Unable to move, he survives for days on the water brought to him by a lone mexican jumping bean.]] / [[Throughout...
 
All Work And No Sleep Makes Ian Draw Bad [[JM is looking at a medicine package, with a hot water bag on his head; Matt is covered in a blanket]] / Narrator: The Flu of Doom continues to rampage through Mac Hall / JM: Why would they make a child-safety cap with pictographic instructions? / Matt: Dear Lord in heaven, I beg of you, strike me down...
Only in Dreams Professor: And so, from your reading last night, you should know that LeDoux disagrees with Eisenstein about the dominance of the written culture over the spoken... / Matt: Who cares!? Holy mother of God, I've been sitting here all semester thinking there would eventually be some point to your jibber-jabber,...
Words, can't describe this noise [[Matt is vibrating uncontrollably]] / <> / JM: Spring hormones? / Matt: Ye-ep / <>
Signing Bonus [[Micah sits on a couch with an expressionless face; Helen rests her head on his leg]] / [[Drew enters the frame]] / Drew: -GRUMBLE- I'll Chu-Chu Rocket you… What does that even mean?? -GRUMBLE- / [[Drew notices Helen and Micah]] / [[Orip enters the frame, holding on to the back of the couch]] / Drew:...
War, Famine, Death, and Geek JM: So Micah has a girlfriend now? / Drew: Seems that way. / JM: Huh. / Drew: Yup. / JM: Well, I'll see you later. / Drew: Later. / JM: Hey Jason, you heard about any seven-headed dragons rising in the East or other signs of the Apocalypse? / Jason: I dunno, I only really read Slashdot.
 
Not Nice Intentions Jason: Excuse me, do you know if someone named Helen Richter is around? / Drew: Who wants to know? / Jason: I'm her ex-boyfriend, and I wanted to, um... / Drew: Flowers and candy. Gotcha. / She's in there with Micah. / Jason: Thanks. / Jason: Why's the door locked / Jason: OH NO! / {{Note: Matt, I honestly...
Snap [[Jason stands outside apartment. The door is being unlocked.]] / <> / [[Helen and Micah walk outside the apartment, leaving a shocked Jason behind.]] / Helen: That was fun. / Micah: Indeed. / Drew: Hey! We're going to this again next week, right? / [[Jason screams, everybody looks at him.]] / Drew:...
Explicit Content Helen: Jason? / Jason: You were... you were... / Helen: Playing Risk? / Jason: What? / Helen: We have to lock Drew out because whenever he loses, he yells "Blitzkrieg!" and sweeps all the pieces off the board. / Drew: Next time, Gadget! Next time!! / Jason: Oh... whew... I thought you were already... you...
Damnit, Joe-Josh Jason: Look, Helen... I know I said we should see other people, but I was wrong. We had something together. Can you just throw that away? / Helen: Couldn't find someone else to suck face with, huh? / Jason: No. / Helen: Go home, Jason. / Jason: Okay...
Rub-On [[Ian is standing, looking at his pocketwatch.]] / Ian (thinking): Bored bored BORED... / [[Ian contemplates a blue marker.]] / [[Ian traces lines on his right arm with the marker.]] / [[Ian continues tracing, his left arm also covered in marker lines.]] / [[Ian is sitting down, having traced his...
 
90% True #2 [[Spiderman is shown swinging through the air holding a baby he just rescued.]] / <> / Woman: Oh my baby! You saved my baby!! / Spiderman: No problem / Ian, voicing over for the woman: This isn't my baby... / Seth: Damn you, McConville...
The Slack-Zone Ian: Hello, and welcome to the Slack-Zone. / Ian: It is often asked what Matt does for this comic. Sure his name is on the bottom of each, but what would "Mac Hall" be without him? / Ian: In today's installment of the Slack-Zone, I'd like to answer that. / Ian: Let's look at another universe parallel to...
More Then You Know [[JM is reading a newspaper.]] / JM: So have you started looking for off-campus housing yet? / Ian: I thought we were just going to live here again next year. / JM: We can't. They're kicking upperclassmen out. Haven't you heard about this? People are already moving out. / Ian: WHAT!? / Ian: I thought we...
Guerilla Radio [[Matt looking through newspaper]] / Matt: There's a nice three-bedroom not far from here, maybe one of the other guys would want to room together... / [[off-panel]] / Ian: Nah, to heck with that. It's time to go on the offensive. / [[Ian in military garb pushing a penguin through a scale-model campus,...
More Trickery Ian: Water balloons filled with paint, check... / JM: You can call off the assault, Schwarzkopf. They're letting us stay. / Ian: Eh? / JM: The whole thing was a bluff. Once enough people moved off campus, they said everyone else can keep living here. / Ian: More trickery? / JM: More trickery. / Ian:...
 

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