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|Working hours||[[We see Matt and J.M. in a darkened room. Matt is playing on his PS2, J.M. is looking on from behind. Matt doesn't appear to have slept, shaved, or bathed.]] / J.M.: How's your freelance work going? / Matt: What? / [[Switch view: Matt is slumped down right in front of the television, wrapped in a blanket]] / J.M.: When you quit, you said you were going to do freelance work. How's that going? / Matt: Oh, right. / [[Matt thinks.]] / [[Matt turns back towards his game, while J.M. throws a sarcastic expression over his shoulder.]] / Matt: Guess I should look for some, huh? / J.M.: I did not see that coming and I am shocked, shocked by this news. Yes I am.|
|That kind of attention||[[At a bar on a busy night, a voice pops up.]] / Voice: See, here's what I'm talking about. / [[A man at the bar is talking. He is bald and wearing a tank top. We can assume he has been drinking, and he is using frequent hand motions while he talks.]] / Man at the bar: People from warm places, right, they don't have motivation to DO stuff. They can just lie around all day! / Man at the bar: But if you're freezing, you've got to get up and move! You can't get any real CIVILIZATION from a hot place. / [[We now see J.M. sitting next to the man at the bar, holding a beer and looking rather annoyed.]] / J.M.: Of course, it's a little known fact that the Egyptian pyramids were built during a cold snap. / Man at the bar: See? That's what I'm talking about.|
|Landscapes||[[Ian sits in a darkened room with glowing computers. He is holding a course catalog and looking up thoughtfully.]] / Ian: A class on landscapes? I'm weak there, I should sign up for that. / [[In a brightly lit classroom, a young, pretentious professor lectures.]] / Landscapes Professor: Before we start, you should know that I don't teach techniques. I teach... / Landscapes Professor: IDEAS. After all, you can learn techniques anywhere. / Ian: Yeah, maybe I should go to ART SCHOOL. / [[Ian's voice is heard from the back of the classroom.]] / Ian: That's right, I said it! Graduating senior here, do your worst! / Landscapes Professor: I can fail you and you won't graduate. / Ian: That's more worst than I'm ready for. Please continue.|
|Artc 312||Ian's art teacher: Take this piece for example: note how the background field of blue cut through with soft arches. / Ian's art teacher: See how it has an almost feminine quality to it? / To my mind, it evokes images of the natural world, the sky and sea, or, combining these two themes. The earth-mother. / Now, who can tell me what THEY think is the symbolism behind this? / Ian: That's apple's default desktop image. / Ian's art teacher: I know that, Mr. McConville. Try to look deeper. / Ian: WHEN I GET MY DIPLOMA, YOUR USELESS HEADS ARE MINE!|
|Moogles||[[Ian and Matt are discussing Ian's classes.]]
/ Matt: Maybe you're being too hard on your professors. / Ian: I might be if they weren't so totally and utterly wrong. Ideas you can get anywhere. Skills to express those ideas are what I need. Think about it. What do you get if you set a baby down with a bucket of paint? A big mess, that's what. If you get an adult with a lifetime of art to express but no technique to do it with, they won't do any better than a baby. / Matt: That's pretty weight---
/ Ian: And now... MOOGLES! / [[Ian draws on a sketchpad with a great happy-artist face.]]
|Different faces, same story||[[A green forest in Ungoro Crater, a Gnome rogue named Cherabim rides on a mecha-strider]]
/ Cherabim: Wow! cool forest. / [[A very large dinosaur named Devilsaur comes out of trees, towering over Cherabim]]
/ Devilsaur: DANG, I'M HUGE!! / [[Devilsaur proceeds to bite the mecha-strider in half]]
|Rub rabbit||[[Micah appears to be playing a videogame while Helen massages his shoulders,]] / Helen: Hey Micah, give me a backrub. / Micah: Okay / [Micah is giving Helen a backrub] / Helen: I swear, every guy brags at the beginning about how they're a master masseur, but once you commit, you have to badger it out of them. / [Characters are super deformed] / Micah: That's because it's just a ploy to touch girlflesh. / Helen: We know that. Do we look like we care? / OH HECK YES.|
|Recycle||[[Living room. Ian looks in on Matt]] / Ian: Your cousin is on the phone. Something about a baby. / Matt: Ooo. / [[Matt has picked up the phone]] / Matt: 7 pounds, 13 ounces? Hefty! / Ian: (off-frame) I don't know what the big deal is with kids. They are not hard to get. / [[Camera focus pulls back to show Ian pontificating, with Matt covering the receiver of the phone with his hand.]] / Ian: You just head to the mall and grab one up. And when you get tired with them, they are bio-degradable. / Matt: You're not allowed near my family. / [[Dialogue box: Lena Dimitrievna Kozyrev, Dec. 13, 2004.]]|
|Auto Wash||[[Outside, Ian and Matt are looking into Ian's car. A little green robot is wandering around inside.]]
/ Ian: Easier than vacuuming.
/ Matt: What if he gets too big and rolls off with your car?
/ Ian: If I keep the doors locked, he might starve before that.
|FF Tic-Tacs||[[Ian lies on the couch, Matt and JM are standing next to him]] / JM: Guys, we need to divvy up some responsibility on cleaning the kitchen, because I'm tired of doing it all myself. / Ian: I'm exempt. / JM: Ian, the microwave is filthy too. / Ian: I don't use the microwave. / JM: What do you eat, then? / [[Ian tosses a small box]] / <<-TWIP->> / Ian: Yo. / JM: These...are tic-tacs. / Ian: They have two calories each. / Ian: I eat enough daily for three meals. / Matt: It's true, he does. / JM: I'd still like help cleaning the kitchen. / Ian: Sorry. / Ian: My legs haven't worked for two days.|
|FF Tic-Tacs Advanced||[[Jim is bringing Ian into the living room... in a wheelbarrow.]] / Jim: Our friend here is going to be a medical celebrity. / Matt: Sweet! / Ian: (sickly) ... / [[Jim explains the diagnosis; Ian (weakly) gives him the finger, still prone in the wheelbarrow.] / Jum: They found symptoms of scurvy, rickets, beri beri, and a couple of others. It was a royal flush of nutritional disorders. / In fact, they're going to write it up as a new condition called DOGE and submit it to JAMA. / Matt: DOGE? / [[Jim concludes...] / Jim: Deficiency of Goddamn Everything. / Ian: But I had the finest breath they'd ever smelled.|
|Alumni||[[College or seminar. There is a teacher/speaker type asking questions of an alumni guest.]] / College Speaker: Could you tell our students how best to apply themselves during college to break into the animation industry like you did? / Alumni: Actually, I had to pretty much retrain myself afterwards to get a job. / College Speaker: But wouldn't you say college was a valuable learning experience? / Alumni: In terms of classes... No. / [[We focus on the audience... Specifically on Ian, who is now standing at attention and saluting.]] / Ian: I salute you, sir! / Alumni: Didn't you get a _D_ in _my_ class? / Ian: Still saluting!|
|The Shut Up Game||[[Micah looks bored]] / Alan: Shut up. / [[Micah looks surprised]] / Micah: No, YOU shut up! / Alan: No, YOU shut up! / Micah: No... / [[Micah runs up the stairs]]
|Blogger (1)||[[Micah sits in front of his computer, looking simplistically happy. The angle of the monitor hides the screen from the viewer]] / [[Micah squints at the screen and raises an eyebrow, noticing something unusual]] / [[With his elbows out and eyes wide open, Micah presses both hands against the desk, enraged by whatever he is look at]] / Micah: Oh, you have GOT to be KIDDING me. / [[The scene cuts to Ian and Helen. Helen has a large coat on while Ian is sitting at a table, his face messy from feeding off of a container of gravy in his hands]] / Ian: What's that all about? / Helen: Well, this is about the time he usually searches the Internet for people saying nice things about him, so...|
|Blogger (2)||[[Ian is sitting at a computer with an enraged Micah over his shoulder.]] / Ian: So... / Micah: My ex-girlfriend has a blog! Look! / [[Ian observes said blog.]] / [[Ian gets a disgusted look on his face.]] / Ian: Wow, I really did not need to read that about your penis. / Micah: NOBODY DID!|
|Blogger (3)||[[Micah is sulking angrily on the couch. Helen comes from behind and observes him.]] / [[Helen looks to make sure no one is around.]] / Helen: I think it's cute. / Micah: Not. Helping.|
|Blogger (end)||Matt: Gonna do anything about it? / Micah: No. It's not worth starting a fight over. / Micah: Still though... a globe-spanning network of millions of dollars in communications technology, and it's being used to slander my junks. / Matt: Technically, your junks have been libeled.|
|Star Dust?||[[Helen and her little sister are in the bathroom. It's morning, Helen is brushing her teeth and her little sister looks ready to go to school as she has her backpack on.]] / Helen's sister: My teacher said yesterday the moon only comes up at night. / [[Helen looks out the window and sees the moon in the sky.]] / Helen: Well, your teacher is insane in a new and interesting way. / Helen's sister: I was pretty sure all rivers don't run south, either. I feel good about that now. More confident.|
|Darth Beth's Diner||[[A bar somewhere. A Moogle is sitting at the bar, with Darth Malak from KotOR on the left]] / Malak: *cough* So... / Moogle: Hmm? / Malak: How'd YOU turn to the Dark Side? / [[A desert. The moogle, now seen from the front, is on the left of the panel. A Stormtrooper is on the right]] / Stormtrooper: -CLICK- Dude, that is SO a Dark Side Point. / Moogle: What? That Sith? / So I threw him in the lava. Big deal. / Sith are always falling down holes. / Heck, it's practically part of their life cycles. / Stormtrooper: -CLICK- No, the other one. / Moogle: What about him? He's still alive. / Look, he's rolling round and everything. / Stormtrooper: -CLICK- You stabbed him in the groin with a light saber. / [[The same location as before, but the Stormtrooper is reeling back, obviously in pain, while the Moogle looks bored. And there's now a lightsaber coming out of the Stormtrooper's groin.]] / Stormtrooper: All I'm saying is that's just COLD. / The lava guy got off lucky considering how sick and twi- / <<-ZWEEE->> / [[Same location as the first scene, but from the front. Malak is leaning away from the Moogle, his eyes wide with fear. The Moogle is calmly sipping a mug of something.]]|
|Apocalypse Meow||[[Drew stands before an audience consisting of Matt, JM, Ian, and the cat, all gathered around the couch. Matt looks particularly sloppy with messy hair, an unshaven face, and a loose tie]] / Drew: OK fellas, here's the deal. The world as we know it is going to end in our lifetime. / [[The focus is placed on Drew, but the image cuts off above his mouth]] / Drew: Fuel cells are a joke, fusion is too far behind and fission is stopgap at best. / Drew: We'll see oil wars in fifteen years and the collapse of the whole infrastructure by our retirement age. / Drew: Nobody wants to face up to it, but the world is going to look post-apocalyptic before we die / Ian: OH SWEET. MUTANTS. / [[Ian and his cat get in the picture again, both raising their arms (ands paws) joyfully while Drew, now with his face completely visible, stares at them]] / Drew: In this case, no. / Ian: Well, when I draw the concept for the thing you're going to tell us about, can I throw in some mutants? / Drew: Knock yourself out.|
|Place your bets now||[[JM and Matt are in a car, JM driving. Matt looks a bit haggard, as he is unshaven and his hair is all over the place.]]
/ JM: Aren't you worried about not having a job?
/ Matt: Nah, something will turn up. It always does.
/ JM: So you're just gonna- / <
|Buddy C.||[[Matt is in a blue dress shirt and tie looking upbeat, Ian is sitting on the couch doing pottery with an apron on.]] / Matt: One of my friends is leaving the store, so I'm taking her place. / Ian: You're not ready for retail. / [[Ian's eyebrows knit together, he gets a hardened look on his previously blank expression.]] / Ian: I've been in the *-Mart trenches. I've seen managers break like matchsticks in the face of a soccer moms. I've seen bosses make girls cry just to feel better about themselves. / [[Matt assumes a stance of confidence and calmness.]] / Matt: Look, I'm an intelligent and patient guy. I can take whatever they dish out. / [[Matt is back from work, slouching and with his hand on his head in an expression of disbelief. Ian is sitting on the couch still, but his previous lump of pottery clay has been transformed into a statue of Buddy Cthulhu.]] / Narration: That evening: / Matt: Holy BALLS. / Ian: I tell you these things and you don't listen to me.|
|No Sad Girls Required||[[Matt is at behind the counter at his job. Ian walks in.]]
/ Ian: A COMIC book store? This isn't retail. This is a paid vacation.
/ Matt: I wish. I'm not saying it's not cool, but I'm completely new to running this place, and me and the boss have some... communication problems. / <
|E3 2005||Narration: Los Angeles isn't so much a city as a suburb that turned cancerous. / Narration: Unlike anime conventions, the scantily-clad women are paid to be that way. / Scantily-clad woman 1: I don't even know what I'm supposed to be, and it makes me look terrible. / Scantily-clad woman 2: No, no, you look sexy! / Narration: Media badges are invaluable when bluffing. / Matt: I'm here to see, uh... Empire at War. / LucasArts guy: Do you have an appointment? / Matt: I SHOULD. / Narration: LA la la la la la la LA, Katamari Damacy... / Matt: No offense, but I'm here for the Prince. / Matt: That's way too much light bloom. / Ian: It's the authentic E3 gaming experience.|
|DDR||Narration: Rats are commonly used in behavioral psychology experiments. / Matt's boss: Why are you doing it like that!? Did I tell you to do it like that? / Narration: Normally, rewards or punishments are connected with an action or stimuli, which the rat learns to associate. / Matt's boss: Why are you asking me about this!? Use common sense! / Narration: But if the punishments are given randomly, the rat becomes neurotic and withdrawn, afraid of doing everything and nothing. / Matt's boss: Why are these boxes just lying out? Does this look like a fucking store to you? / Matt: THERE ARE FIVE LIGHTS! / Drew: You pussy.|
|Nerds Rope||[[The real world from the movie The Matrix is shown. A robot arm is about to pick one of the many capsules that contain humans in pinkish fluid.]] / [[Ian's fingers can now be seen, mimicking the robot arm in the action of picking a single nerd candy from a Nerds Rope.]] / [[Helen is looking at Ian eating his Nerds Rope.]]
/ Ian: <
|Western Plaguelands||Drew: OK, since the last meeting was broken up by a collective attack of ADD, we'll try this again. Here's what I've got in mind. / Matt: It's a... farming commune?
/ Drew: Yeah, close enough. / Drew: We'll need to bring in a lot more people, but if we start preparing now, we could be ready by the time we're 45.
/ Matt: I'm surprised we're your first choice for manual labor. / Drew: You guys ruin EVERYTHING. / Ian: Hey, Drew... <
|Totally Aryn's Quote||[[Scarlet Sentinel walks onto a battlefield.]] / [[Scarlet Sentinel picks up a sheet of paper.]] / Dialogue Box: Scarlet Sentinel receives loot: [Letter to the Scarlet Crusade]. / Letter: Dear Scarlet Doods, Please restock the Thorium Veins in your base. You're out. PS: IM IN UR BASE! IM KILLING YOUR MANS!!! Love, Cherabim. / [[Cherabim, jumping through the air is about to attack the Scarlet Sentinel from behind.]]|
|a class="searchlink" href="http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-06-28&ref=nf">http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-06-28&ref=nf||[untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]|
|Ratties||[[Drew has tied Matt to a chair with duct tape. Ian pops in to investigate.]] / Matt: Mmmph! / Ian: What's up? / Drew: Social engineering. I'm going to eliminate Matt's phobias. / [[The point of view is from inside a cage of rats looking up at Drew.]] / Drew: It's too big a world out there to sit around being scared of everything, Matt. So I'm going to expose you to everything that makes you freeze up and shut down until you can deal with it. / [[Drew holds a rat that has a cute red heart symbol above its head, Matt looks scared, Ian simply observes with cocked eyebrow.]] / Ian: Sounded like you were gonna start with girls. / Drew: Rats first. One cute thing that wants to lick his face at a time. / Matt: NNNNNNNMPH!|
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