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O Green World [[Pharmacist from Matt's POV.]] / Matt: I'm here to pick up my prescription refill? / Pharmacist: I'm sorry, but your insurance declined you. They say you haven't been covered since January. / [[Matt from Pharmacist's POV.]] / Matt: That's rediculous. I'm completely paid up. This is the second time they've done this. / Pharmacist: I know. Our records show you've used it twice here since then. / [[Matt turns to his left, about to leave.]] / Pharmacist: I wish I could help, but you're going to have to get this straightened out with them yourself. / Matt: Nationalized healthcare cannot possibly be worse than this. / [[Matt's cell phone goes off.]] / Cell Phone: DAAA Dah Dah DA Dah Da Da Daaah... / {{Mom, international healthcare professional.}} / Matt's Mom: It really is. / Matt: Oh. Well, I'll take your word for it...
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-07-25
White Light [[JM and Matt drive in a car. JM is driving. We see things through Matt's window. Matt is turning off his cell phone.]] / Matt's cell phone: <> / Matt: Okay, I got it straightened out. The insurance will kick in again next week. / JM: You gonna be okay until then? / [[Matt rests his head on his right hand and his elbow on his door window. We see him from JM's POV.]] / Matt: Dunno. If you go off of this stuff you're supposed to step down the dosage gradually or you get a lot of side effects. I was on a reduced dose just now, though, so maybe... / [[Matt looks worried.]] / Matt: Uh... / [[We see Matt as if we were a fly on JM's sunglasses. JM's face looks huge.]] / Matt: Did the whole world just go magnify and go WHUMM? / JM: No. / Matt: Then the next few days are going to be very unpleasant.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-07-29
Demon Days [[Matt sits at a table, trying to write something. He had a glass of beer. He's sweating from the heat and from his hilucinations.]] / [[We see the lower half of Ian's body as he scrapes some food into the trash, and JM, blurry, sits in the background.]] / JM: Hey, don't throw that away. We can use it for the demon. / Ian: What demon? / [[JM stands by the window-mounted air conditioner. The top of the air conditioner is open and a pitch-black critter is looking out from it.]] / JM: This is Maxwell. / Maxwell: Hi. / JM: He shunts "hot" molecules outside and cool ones into the house. Saves a bunch on electricity. / [[Maxwell, on left, talks to JM, on right. Between then we see Matt in the background.]] / Matt: Twenty minutes ago I was fighting snales over San Diego, so I'm pretty sure this is a hallucination. / Maxwell: I refute the second law of thermodynamics. / JM: The hell you do. Get back in the box.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-08-15
Otakon 2005 [[Matt and Ian sit at a table with a stack of books labeled "Book 1"]] / Caption: 2:00 PM Friday / [[Matt and Ian sit at an empty table. They look like they've been through a tornado.]] / Caption: 2:02 PM Friday / Narrator: Otakon has a voracious appetite for books. / [[Ian and Scott Roomsair in bed together. Scott is freaked out.]] / Narrator (probably Matt): Scott Roomsair stayed a in our hotel room. / Ian (to Scott): You don't mind spooning, do you? / [[Close-up on Matt's face from his left side.]] / Narrator: Pontus Madsen and Christian Fundin shared horrible, secret knowledge with us. / Someone: ...and that's a turkeyneck alarmclock. / Matt: NO! / [[A television is tuned to the news. The people watching it are off-panel to the right.]] / Narrator: And of course it wouldn't be Otakon without the smug grins of the local TV news talent. / Female Reporter: ...and that's the report from the anime convention. Of course, maybe motorcycles are more your thing. / Four People: BOOOOOO! / One Person: Maybe being the serving tray at the cocks convention is more your thing.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-08-24
Stick-Ball [[Ian's shoes on the edge of a cliff.]] / JM: <> <> / [[We look up at Ian and his cat from over the side of the cliff.]] / JM: <> <> <> / [[We look at Ian and the cat from a long way away.]] / JM: <> <> <> <> <> / [[A croquet ball flies up from under the cliff and lands near Ian]] / [[JM climbs onto the cliff from over the edge.]] / JM: The rules say there's an out-of-bounds. / Ian: This isn't your daddy's croquet, boy.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-08-29
 
Fission Mailed [[Two soldiers, one with red glowing eyes, one with blue glowing eyes, are looking down a ventilation shaft. Both are wearing masks that obscure their entire faces. A guard is stationed below them with a camo bandanna, smoking a cigarette, looking away and apparently oblivious. The two soldiers are whispering. / <> / Blue-eyed soldier: Lower me down and I'll take out that guy. Then you pull a flash and we get the files. / <> / Red-eyed soldier: Okay. Got it. / <> / Blue-eyed soldier: Let's do this. / [[Blue-eyed soldier is lowered down. Guard is still oblivious.]] / [[The third panel shows Blue-eyed soldier just behind the guard. The guard's eyes are now wide open. The fourth panel shows Micah playing a video game, wearing a headset. Helen is behind him, looking confused. Blue-eyed soldier and Helen share a speech bubble. The panels are presented side-by-side.] / <> / Blue-eyed soldier and Helen: Why are you whispering? / [[The fourth panel shows Guard firing upon Blue-eyed guard, as blood is splattering everywhere. The fifth panel shows Micah screaming. Helen still looks confused. Blue-eyed soldier and Micah share a speech bubble. The panels are presented side-by-side.]] / <> / Blue-eyed soldier and Micah: @#$%!!! @#$%!!
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-09-12
Union [[Matt at in the dark at his computer with phone headset on]] / Matt: Hey Grandpa, I was just finishing editing your autobiography. Yeah, it's good. I just had a question about when you were negotiating the union strike at Cole Steel? And the company's lawyer took back the offer for bereavement days for deaths in the family, the only consession they'd made? / Matt: So your partner... / Matt's Grandpa: ...cursed him, called him a cocksucker, grabbed his crotch and said, 'Eat this, you bastard!' He grabbed his negotiating notes, and we all jumped up and left the meeting. As I passed in front of him, I gave him the finger and said 'You son-of-a-bitch. You're number one with me.' I called him derogatory names as I went out the door. / Matt: Right. Was I adopted or something?
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-09-20
Eddy Murphy [[Micah and Ian are in the kitchen of their house.]] / Micah: Hey, how long have I known you? / Ian: Huh, er... about 23 years. / [[Micah is turned toward Ian. Ian is in a defensive position, crouched over a box of cookies from which he takes one.]] / Micah: Not how old you are. How long have I known you? / Ian: I don't know what you've been doing the last quarter century. You could have been stalking me as a child. / Micah: So I was stalking you two years before I was born. / Ian: Hell if I know how old you really are. You could even be some old guy in disguise! / Micah: You've met my parents! / Ian: Character actors! / [[Micah looks away. Ian talks with a cookie in his mouth while he reaches into the box for another one.]] / Ian: You get away from me, Chang! I don't know what you're after, but I'm not talking! / Micah: Man, having a conversation with you is like walking through a Salvador Dali painting.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-09-28
Kiosk [[At the Cellular Hut Ian talks to a salesman.] / Ian: I've heard a lot about contracts taxes, fees... I was hoping to just skip the whole ringamarol. / Salesman: Sure, we can do that. / [[Salesman holds out a cell phone.]] / Salesman: Look, something shiny! / Ian: Ooo, shiny! / [[Salesman punches Ian in the gut.]] / Ian: <> / Damage: Critical! -9999 / [[Ian is off the panel, presumably curled up on the ground. The Salesman is looking through Ian's wallet.]] / Ian: Perfect. / Salesman: Think you'll be down long enough for me to clean out your bank cards?
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-10-17
Wiki [[In an elementary classroom, Helen's sister raises her hand]] / Helen's sister: Mrs. Stahl, can you tell me how to spell a word? / Mrs. Stahl: Look it up in the dictionary. / Helen's sister: But I don't know how to spell it. / Mrs. Stahl: So look it up in the dictionary. / [[Helen's sister sits with a perplexed expression on her face.]] / [[At Helen's house]] / Helen: No, I don't think they cover zen in the third grade. / Helen's sister: Well, color me confused, then.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-11-08
 
Bloody Bay [[In front of a red background, the logo for City of Villains, expansion of the MMO game City of Heroes, stands out next to a window displaying the loading process, currently at seventy-two percent]] / Window: Loading... / [[The Greeter stands idly with a straight face and his name floating above his head, awaiting for more new players to greet]] / [[A white slash suddenly strikes out from the darkness, causing blood to splatter]] / Combat Labels: CRITICAL -21 -613 / [[Part of the panel slices off across The Greeter's chest, killing him as a ninja-like female stalker, whose face is completely shrouded in darkness except for her glowing white eyes, materializes behind him in purple smoke]] / [[The Greeter collapses, now dead as made apparent by the skull and crossbones that rise from his body, while the name "Risu" appears above the mysterious assassin]] / [[Risu pulls down the scarf to reveal her face as she angrily looks down at the corpse]] / Risu: Welcome to Walmart, BITCH! / [[Ian sits in front of his computer with a mischievous grin on his face]]
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-11-17
180 x 2 [[Ian pops his head into the room where Drew is working at his computer]] / Ian: So Drew, you make a good bit of money... Did you order an XBox 360? / Drew: I'm not sure. Has my torso been replaced by a sturdy paper cylinder? / Ian: No. / Drew: Is my head circular hard candy, intended for prolonged consumption? / Ian: Also no. / Drew: Then I didn't order an XBox 360. / Ian: I either need more rich friends or more suggestible poor ones.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-12-02
Finals Week 05 [[Final exam worksheet for CS302 in 2005. Grade is 72/100. Name is Ian McConville.]] / Final Exam: 1.) Write out a [[something crossed out]] advertisement for [[lots of stuff crossed out]] a contraceptive. Show all your steps and work organization. Be creative. / [[College student in school uniform.]] / College student: Hey baby. / Caption: Troubled with those unneeded and unwanted urges? Fear not, with Head-Crab Brand Contraceptive! / [[Head Crab had grabbed ahold of college student's face.]] / College student: SCREEEEEE! <> / Caption: Simply apply vigorously to your head. (Screeming is to be expected.) / [[Halflife 2 scientist looks at Head Crab.]] / Caption: Congratulations! No one is pregnant, No one has an STD, and you can get on with the rest of your day! Best of all, it'll last your whole life! Which is probably the next half hour. / Caption: Warning: May cause lack of sex drive, bleeding, zombification, and crowbar wounds from time-traveling physicist professors. / Head Crab Logo: HeadCrab Brand Aggressive Contraceptive System / [[Matt reads the exam with Drew behind him.]] / Matt: You gave Ian 72% for this? / Drew: It was that or he retakes the class.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-12-16
Something about Cookies [[Micah in shower, looking dreary, thinking of Helen]] / [[Micah walking somewhere, looking dreary, thinking of Helen]] / [[Micah walking through snow and crowds, looking dreary, thinking of Helen]] / [[Micah lying, head in Helen's lap, looking happy]] / [[Helen thinking about cookies]]
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2005-12-21
Glory Days [[Matt and Ian are standing outside while it is snowing. Ian is wearing a black fedora.]] / Matt: You know... middle school sucked. / Ian: Right. / [[Close-up of Matt's head.]] / Matt: I was in a black hole of depression for most of college, and post-graduation has been a long string of disappointments. / [[Shot of Matt and Ian from behind. Ian looks visibly surprised.]] / Matt: High school really WAS the best days of my life. / Ian: Stop that. You're scaring the hell out of me.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-01-08
 
Scott Would be Proud [[Several small animals are running away from a large mech. The land around them is on fire.]] / [[One of the small animals has fallen over. The mech in the background has its leg raised, about to crush the animal.]] / [[Helen looks over the diorama angrily. The diorama has several colorful houses, a few trees, two mechs and several craters.]] / <> / [[Micah is off to the side, looking to the right, where Helen apparently is off panel.]] / Micah: I feel the changes I made to your little model town are for the better. / Helen: I WILL END YOU, CHANG.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-01-17
It's On [[Helen and Some Guy are studying with flash cards.]] / Helen: All right, all right, I have to stop. / Some Guy: You sure? Plenty more flash cards. / Helen: I don't know why I thought taking a foreign language would be fun. / Some Guy: Clearly you're retarded. / Helen: Clearly. / [[Some Guy gets up from desk.]] / Some Guy: See you in class. / Helen: Later. / [[Helen wonders is she has a crush on him. Hearts appear with a question mark.]] / Helen: Uh-oh.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-02-14
Oh, it's on. [[JM, Micah and Drew driving in the car]] / JM: How're you and Helen these days? / Micah: Pretty good. She asked the other day if we could keep things casual. / Drew: Out of curiosity, what do you think that means? / Micah: I guess it means things are like before, but now we'll act cool. / Drew: Uh, no. It means there's some dude she can't pass up on boning, and she doesn't want to feel guilty when she does. / Micah: What? Naw...
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-02-27
I hate you BGSU [[Ian sits in front of his computer]] / Ian: Hey! Why can't I graduate? / Ian: I'm pressin' the button on the website here but it isn't working. Watch me go. / <> / Matt: It says you're missing Univ 101. / Ian: The hell's that? / Matt: It's the one that tells you how to study and use a day planner and stuff. / Ian: I can't graduate because I didn't take the class that tells you how to make it through college? / Matt: This explains a LOT.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-03-15
Too much Food Network [[Emeril standing alone. ]] / [[Cherabim sneaking up behind Emeril. ]] / <<-PIP->> / [[Cherabim is attacking Emeril. ]] / Cherabim: RAWR! / Emeril: BAM!! / [[Cherabim is covered with blood, alone.]] / Dialogue box: Cherabim received loot: [Essence of Emeril].
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-03-17
 
Just add the Tic-Tacs [[Ian is shown sitting on a couch looking bored. In a yellow box reads this text]] Care and handling instructions for your Ian. / [[Ian looks to be chewing on his own shoe...]] Ian: Grrr... Nimah nimah nimah... / [[Ian expresses an exhausted and bored emoticon.]] / [[Ian has an idea, indicated by a light bulb appearing over his head.]] <> / [[In a yellow box reads this text]] 1. Keep this Ian amused. / Matt: Did you paint my room pink?
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-03-24
The Dude [[Helen is sitting next to a guy and thinking to herself.]] / Helen: All right, calm down. It's totally in bounds to be attracted to another dude. / Helen: I'm sure Micah is scoping out plenty of girls he thinks are cute. Really cute. Cutey cute-cute cute cute cute. / The dude: So, uh, hey... There's this ice-skating rink across town... / [[Micah is eating food, looks like chicken. A bone is sticking out of his mouth.]] / <> / Helen: We should talk.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-04-01
Ninjitsu City of Villains Ninjitsu field guide: Lesson 312 / Placate / Allows you to trick a foe to no longer attack you. A successful Placate will also hide you. This Hide is very brief, and offers no Defense bonus, but it will allow you to deliver a Critical Hit or Assasins Claw. However, if you attack a Placated Foe, he will be able to attack you back. / [[Two guardsmen, one of whom has just been cut in half]] / <> / <> / Guard being cut in half: DIRP- / [[remaining guard stares at the bottom half of his comrade in horror]] / Guard: Oh sweet miss liberty!! BOB! NO!! / [[guard looks up]] / [[Risu is there with a bloody sword]] / [[Risu stands, holder her hand up in the "Placate" gesture]] / Risu: This is not the ninja you are looking for. / Guard: righty'oh then. / <> / [[Risu runs away]] / [[Guard stares out into space, content. The half-a-guard corpse spurts blood]] / Guard: what a nice little ninja. / <> / [[Guard looks casually at half-a-guard corpse]] / Guard: Geese, Bob. You look like crap. / [[The remaining guard's head is swiped off]] / <> / <>
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-04-07
Status Ailment [[Micah sitting on the couch sad and frazzled cat sits under the couch]] / Matt: Tough break. / JM: Yeah, but cheer up. / JM: Anyone who doesn't appreciate you clearly isn't good enough for you. Logically you shouldn't feel bad. / Matt: Emotional problems don't ahve logical solutions. / JM: Mine do. Everyone else just needs to get with the program.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-04-24
Common Courtesy [[Four computer windows are scattered throughout the panel. Each of them say "You have been disconnected from AIM. This screen name is signed in at another location." with "Reconnect" and "Quit" buttons.]] / [[Matt dials a number on his cell phone, seemingly pissed off.]] / <> / <> / <> / [[Close-up of Matt's face as he screams into his cell phone, which is a few inches away from his mouth.]] / Matt: STOP JERKING OFF WITH MY LAPTOP. / [[Shot of the back of Matt's head. He is now holding the phone normally.]] / Matt: Or at least close iChat.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-05-01
 
Common courtesy [[There are 4 computer "error" messages. All read "You have been disconnected from AIM. This screen name is signed in at another location. Reconnect/Quit"]] / [[Matt looks very angry. He is dialling a phone number]] / <> / <> / <> / [[Matt is yelling at the phone]] / Matt: Stop jerking off with my laptop. / Matt: Or at least close iChat.
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-05-05
Five Years Later [[Professor is handing out graduation scrolls]] / <> / Professor: Maxwell, Henry / Professor: MacArthur, Katherine / Professor: McConville, Ian / <> / Professor: (thinking) Tough crowd. / Ian: Suck on it, faculty! Suck it!
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-05-15
36 Hours {{Title: Ohio}}/[[Jes asleep riding in the passenger seat of a car with a stream of drool hanging from her mouth. A road map rests across her chest.]] / Jes's Dad: Jes, which exit do we need to... / Jes's Dad: ...Nevermind. / {{Title: Iowa}}/[[Jes awake wearing the map as a folded paper hat]] / Jes's Dad: It's right after I-80, Then we... / {{Title: Wyoming}}[[Jes and her dad both looking out the passenger side of the car]] / <> / Jes: Did we just get hit by a tumbleweed? / {{Title: Thank you dad. -Jes}}
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-05-21
Three Bean Drew: What's shakin', Sobby McEmopants. / Micah: I have a favor to ask you / Micah: Please don't sleep with Helen. / Drew: What in the name of hell makes you think I'd do that? / Micah: You slept with all of JM's ex-girlfriends. / Drew: Well, that is true. / JM: Wait what?
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-05-31
You're Hired [[JM is standing behind Drew glaring at him]] / JM: You bastard. / Drew: Sorry, I must have missed the "Circle-JM" brand on the hind-quarters. / [[Ian is standing behind Matt as he searches for a job on his computer]] / Ian: Job hunt? / Matt: Yeah, nine bucks an hour doesn't stretch like it used to. This site here takes your profile and returns matches you're qualified for. Like a dating site, only more chances you'll wind up getting screwed. / Ian: Done some research on that, huh? / <> Matt: Bachelor's Degree... Previous experience... Salary requirements... Search. / [[Matt gets a solemn glare on his face]] / [[Ian has an amused grin as he looks at the search results]] Matt: "Sperm donor"? / Ian: "We currently have high demand for Jewish, Hispanic/Latino, full-blooded Italian, African American, and Filipino men."
http://machall.com/view.php?date=2006-06-12
 

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