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| I said CHEERFUL, not spastic… | [[Ian, with Orip on his head, stands, bedraggled and beaten up, with JM behind]]
/ JM: For someone who doesn't drink, you sure look like hell warmed over. / [[flashback displays Ian surprised, Matt crying and JM with pointer finger in the air]]
/ Ian(recalling): UGH. I was up all night taking care of Matt's dumb self. Walking him home. Making sure he didn't fall off a bridge. Patting him on the head when the beer wore off and he got even more depressed…
/ JM: Well just think, as bad as you feel, he must feel ten times worse. / [[Matt, with an extremely cheerful expression]]
/ Matt: Hey fellas, WHAT'S UP? / [[Matt is standing up straight, chest thrown out, Ian has a crazed expression on, fists raised towards Matt, and JM is holding his shoulder back]]
/ Matt: Anyone up for a morning jog?
/ JM: Before you kill him, remember he's the only one who'll proofread your English papers. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2001-11-15 |
| Ninjas can fly… No, Really | [[It is a dark and stormy night]] / Narrator: A night like any other… / Narrator: Or is it? / Narrator: Tonight, a lone avenger stalks the corridors of Mac Hall. / Narrator: Tonight, the guilty will be punished for their crimes. / Narrator: Tonight, one man's thirst for revenge will finally be quenched! / [[Alan writes on a dry-erase board]]
/ < http://machall.com/view.php?date=2001-11-18 |
| Gobba-gobba | [[JM is standing, Ian is sitting in a comfy chair, resting]]
/ JM: Ahhh, so full. You eat well today?
/ Ian: Not really, why? / JM: Well…you know, THANKSGIVING and all.
/ Ian: CRAP!
/ < http://machall.com/view.php?date=2001-11-22 |
| The Writing's On The Wall | [[Hallway, arrow on the floor pointing to a door. Vision is outlined in red, titled as Drew Cam]] / [[Still in Drew Cam, door number 450 is approached, there is a sign]]
/ sign: for anal sex and cake, apply within -Drew / [[Drew's face is seen, glowing red with rage and fists are balled]] / [[Drew seems to have decided on something, and pulls out a pocket knife]]
/ < http://machall.com/view.php?date=2001-11-29 |
| I'm Only a Messenger | [[Greg has apparently pushed Betsy into a tentacle pit]]
/ Greg: Get in there, You!
/ Betsy: AIEEEEEEE / [[Matt enters the frame, Greg lights a cigarette]]
/ Matt: What's this?
/ Greg: Upping the ante on the war with Amuse Me. Whipped up a tentacle pit and pushed Betsy in. / [[Matt appears surprised, Greg smiles]]
/ Matt: What!?
/ Greg: Hey, she deserved it. / [[Matt raises his arms, hands cupped towards his face. Greg comes to sudden realization]]
/ Greg, you idiot, this is Betsy we're talking about.
/ Betsy: [[heart symbol]] AHHH! / [[Matt, Greg and Ian are standing around the "pit", watching]]
/ Matt: Wow. Kind of a Briar Rabbit situation. Bah. What did you have in mind for Molly?
/ Betsy: Ah, oh yeah
/ Greg: I was going to put her within ten feet of a guy and watch her pass out from anxiety.
/ Matt: That'll work.
/ Ian: I'm not part of this, but something tells me I should wish I was… http://machall.com/view.php?date=2001-12-05 |
| Na-Na-Na-Na | [[Ian sitting on the couch with the cat perched on his head]]
/ [[Matt approaching from behind couch]]
/ Matt: Finals coming up soon.
/ Ian: Yup
/ Matt: Haven't see you studying much
/ Ian: Nope / Ian: I'm trying a new approach this semester. The way I see it, if I freak out and panic, I'll be in no shape to take exams or do final projects. This time, I'm just going to let what happens happen and trust that everything will work out in the end. / Matt: [[Thinking]] Zen and the art of slacking off?
/ Ian:Only when true peace of mind is achieved will assignments and effort be one. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2001-12-17 |
| Stock Monkeys | [[Kevin, drooling Greeter, and Wal*Mart supervisor standing In a Wal*Mart]]
/ Supervisor: Welcome to your first day here at Wal-Mart, Kevin. Let me show you around and take you to your position. This is the greeter's section. He gets paid to do absolutely nothing. You won't be working here. / [[Attractive young woman replaces greeter]]
/ Supervisor: This is the checkout area. We mostly put the young, attractive women in this section. You won't be working here. / [[Ian replaces young woman.]]
/ Supervisor: These are the stockers. We basically give them free money for a job a monkey could do. You won't be working here. / [[Crazy-looking boy replaces Ian]]
/ Supervisor: This is the back room. I don't know if these guys actually do anything at all. I suspect they steal as much free stuff as they want. You won't be working here.
/ Kevin: So I'll be doing what...? / [[A rabid-looking, screaming yellow face is held behind bars.]]
/ Supervisor: This is where we keep the smiley-face locked up. You'll be his keeper, Mr. Mcconville. Here's your whip. Careful. The last guy was horribly mauled. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2001-12-21 |
| Holiday Special Means More Effort | [[Matt sitting at a desk]]
/ Matt: Ah geez. Ian Needs more scripts, and I'm completely, totally, out of ideas. / Matt: Gah. I'm such a hack! I can't even think of a single, solitary... / Matt:... / Matt: Well it's about time you showed up.
/ Matt's Brain: Pff. Like I'm going to hang around all day when you're cooped inside for the holidays. Have some eggnog. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2001-12-24 |
| When the Piro is away... | [[Piro is walking away with a sack over his shoulder.]]
/ When webcomic artists occasionally vanish, much to the chagrin of their readers, it's not because they're being lazy... No, the truth is far stranger than that.
/ For every few months, these pioneers of digital entertainment retreat to a remote mountaintop inf the Andes...
/ The SECRET MONASTARY {{sic}} of WEBCOMICRY / [[Piro is addressing the acolytes wearing a gi. Largo is drawn on the blackboard with his tongue sticking out.]]
/ Title: Here, acolytes are trained in the arts of cartooning, things like... personal management!
/ Piro: So remember, if you disagree with your writer, just nod, smile, and ignore everything he says. If it helps, visualize him as a cantelope [sic]. / [[Piro is yelling at an unnamed initiate, who is holding his head after supposedly getting smacked. Two girls are drawn on the blackboard.]]
/ Title: Character design!
/ Piro: No NO, she needs to look more helpless and vulnerable. Also, add more snow. / [[Piro is addressing the acolytes in a nondescript background.]]
/ Title: Naval-gazing!
/ Piro: Let's run through the first kata.
/ Acolytes: "Lately I've been having a hard time keeping on track with the comic. I feel like it's becoming more difficult to develop the characters and at the same time hold true to the spirit of the humor..." / [[Piro is addressing the acolytes. Two unnamed acolytes are wrestling monkeys perched on their heads.]]
/ Title: And of course... cultivating a fan-base!
/ Piro: Only once you can successfully wrestle a herd of monkeys will you truly be ready to manage your forum. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2001-12-28 |
| Come on, who's done this? | [[Helen sits, holding a game controller while Micah stands behind her, looking stunned and surprised]]
/ Helen: …a nice person, I guess. I dunno. What do YOU look for in a relationship? I like a guy with some intelligence. Not really a showoff, but someone who doesn't hide their smarts either. Someone bright enough to keep me on my toes, you know? / [[JM looks over his shoulder, amused, at Micah, who is holding a book, ruffling his hair and looking disturbed]]
/ JM: Studying? Since when do you study?
/ Micah: Shut up. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-01-01 |
| Walk Around in Circles | [[Ian and Matt are alternatively shown sitting in recliners, listening to job interviewers, with Ian in the first panel.]]
/ I'm sorry, but we don't really have any illustration jobs open at the moment for... / ...someone of your relative inexperience in the field of journalism, but... / ...we encourage you to come back once you've built up a more substantial portfolio of... / ...newspaper clippins, preferably with more relevance to the position you're applying for. / Ian: The thing that bugs me is, when they ask why I've only worked at K-Mart, they don't get the irony.
/ Dark voice: you must spawn more overlords
/ Ian: Bite me!
/ Matt: I can't believe I even got turned down for the goddamn school newspaper. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-01-07 |
| Not infact a Tiger | [[JM is standing outside as it snows, thinking to himself.]]
/ JM: Another year gone by, and I'm still here at college. I guess that's good. / JM: Of course, it seems like neither me nor any of my friends know what we're going to be doing once we leave. Or more importantly, why we're doing it. I wonder if life grades by attendance. / [[JM staring off.]] / [[JM gets hit in the side of the head by a snowball.]] < http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-01-15 |
| Martha, my mortal enemy | [[JM is holding a newspaper. Ian is holding a bottle of glue.]]
/ JM: So, heard the big news?
/ Ian: What big news?
/ JM: I took the liberty of saving you a copy of the front page. / [[The front page of a newspaper is shown. The headline reads "K-Mart Files For Bankruptcy, Thousands to lose jobs." In the accompanying photo is a K-Mart manager with his empty pants pockets out as he shrugs. In the background of the photo can be seen Ian riding in a shopping cart.]] / [[A happy Ian is looking at the newspaper alongside JM, while Matt hangs upside from the ceiling, having been glued there.]]
/ Ian: Well cut me in half and call me a munchkin, because ding-dong the witch is dead.
/ JM: I thought you'd enjoy that.
/ Matt: Um, a little help here? http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-01-25 |
| 90# True | Day 1
/ The Monkey Avatar is changed to a wolf via a hacker program found online in order to halt any further references to "Spanking the Monkey" by Micah. Said creature promptly does a little jig. And so it is good.
/ Your creature is happy / Day 3,
/ After much physical and mental development, it becomes clear that some concepts still need work.
/ Your creature needs to poop / Day 5,
/ Various aberrant behaviours by the avatar (with an unnamed gorilla?) causes a bottle of aspirin to be consumed.
/ Your creature is being friendly / Day 7,
/ Avatar reverts to a vegetable-like coma after the CreatureMind file is accidently erased.
/ Steps for a humane euthanasia are initiated.
/ < http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-02-04 |
| Ice Nine | [[Ian, chased by a mob of nuns who want to kill him for not saying the pledge of allegience, seeks shelter in a nearby cave.]] / [[Instead of safety, he finds himself trapped under a landslide. Unable to move, he survives for days on the water brought to him by a lone mexican jumping bean.]]
/ [[Throughout his ordeal, one thought sustains him.]] / [[He wishes he could be this creative when he's not having a winter flu fever dream.]]
/ Ian: Oh gah no...not the kumquats... http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-02-11 |
| All Work And No Sleep Makes Ian Draw Bad | [[JM is looking at a medicine package, with a hot water bag on his head; Matt is covered in a blanket]]
/ Narrator: The Flu of Doom continues to rampage through Mac Hall
/ JM: Why would they make a child-safety cap with pictographic instructions?
/ Matt: Dear Lord in heaven, I beg of you, strike me down where I stand.
/ Narrator: JM: Got coughed on by Ian.
/ Narrator: Temperature: 100.9
/ Narrator: Matt: Drank out of JM's glass.
/ Narrator: Temperature: 103.1 / [[Helen is rubbing Micah's back]]
/ Narrator: Micah: Used a Nintendo controller after Matt sneezed on it.
/ Narrator: Temperature: 102.1
/ Micah: Rubbing so good... and yet so painful...
/ Helen: Hang in there, eh?
/ Narrator: Helen: Is going to be washing her hands and arms with bactine after she leaves.
/ Narrator: Temperature: 98.6 http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-02-16 |
| Only in Dreams | Professor: And so, from your reading last night, you should know that LeDoux disagrees with Eisenstein about the dominance of the written culture over the spoken... / Matt: Who cares!? Holy mother of God, I've been sitting here all semester thinking there would eventually be some point to your jibber-jabber, but there isn't, is there!? You're a fraud!
/ In fact, people like you are the reason academia is nothing but a bunch of old men wanking off to each other's trivial bullshit!
/ Student: Hey, he's right!
/ Student: I paid thousands of dollars for this, goddammit! / Matt: I'm going down to the bursar's office and I'm demanding my tuition back! Who's with me?
/ Students: YEAH! / [[Ian and JM observe a sleeping Matt.]]
/ Ian: Should I poke him?
/ JM: I dunno, he looks so happy. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-02-21 |
| Words, can't describe this noise | [[Matt is vibrating uncontrollably]]
/ < http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-02-24 |
| Signing Bonus | [[Micah sits on a couch with an expressionless face; Helen rests her head on his leg]] / [[Drew enters the frame]]
/ Drew: -GRUMBLE- I'll Chu-Chu Rocket you… What does that even mean?? -GRUMBLE- / [[Drew notices Helen and Micah]] / [[Orip enters the frame, holding on to the back of the couch]]
/ Drew: Hey, are you two officially going out now or what?
/ Micah: Could be, could very well be.
/ Helen: Officially? Do you have to fill out forms now? http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-03-08 |
| War, Famine, Death, and Geek | JM: So Micah has a girlfriend now?
/ Drew: Seems that way.
/ JM: Huh.
/ Drew: Yup. / JM: Well, I'll see you later.
/ Drew: Later. / JM: Hey Jason, you heard about any seven-headed dragons rising in the East or other signs of the Apocalypse?
/ Jason: I dunno, I only really read Slashdot. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-03-11 |
| Not Nice Intentions | Jason: Excuse me, do you know if someone named Helen Richter is around?
/ Drew: Who wants to know? / Jason: I'm her ex-boyfriend, and I wanted to, um...
/ Drew: Flowers and candy. Gotcha.
/ She's in there with Micah.
/ Jason: Thanks. / Jason: Why's the door locked / Jason: OH NO! / {{Note: Matt, I honestly didn't mean to drop panel 4. It slipped my mind, please don't hit-the-Ian.}}
/ Drew: Heh heh http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-03-19 |
| Snap | [[Jason stands outside apartment. The door is being unlocked.]]
/ < http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-03-23 |
| Explicit Content | Helen: Jason?
/ Jason: You were... you were...
/ Helen: Playing Risk?
/ Jason: What? / Helen: We have to lock Drew out because whenever he loses, he yells "Blitzkrieg!" and sweeps all the pieces off the board.
/ Drew: Next time, Gadget! Next time!!
/ Jason: Oh... whew... I thought you were already... you know...
/ Helen: Well... / Jason: AAUGH!!
/ Helen: Oh Lord. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-04-03 |
| Damnit, Joe-Josh | Jason: Look, Helen... I know I said we should see other people, but I was wrong. We had something together. Can you just throw that away? / Helen: Couldn't find someone else to suck face with, huh?
/ Jason: No.
/ Helen: Go home, Jason.
/ Jason: Okay... http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-04-08 |
| Rub-On | [[Ian is standing, looking at his pocketwatch.]]
/ Ian (thinking): Bored bored BORED... / [[Ian contemplates a blue marker.]] / [[Ian traces lines on his right arm with the marker.]] / [[Ian continues tracing, his left arm also covered in marker lines.]] / [[Ian is sitting down, having traced his upper-body and face. A superviser is standing next to him.]]
/ Superviser: You know if you need something to do, you can just ASK.
/ Ian: What, really? http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-04-16 |
| 90% True #2 | [[Spiderman is shown swinging through the air holding a baby he just rescued.]]
/ < http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-05-03 |
| The Slack-Zone | Ian: Hello, and welcome to the Slack-Zone.
/ Ian: It is often asked what Matt does for this comic. Sure his name is on the bottom of each, but what would "Mac Hall" be without him?
/ Ian: In today's installment of the Slack-Zone, I'd like to answer that.
/ Ian: Let's look at another universe parallel to our own where when comic #110 was made, Matt was not writing the scripts. / Helen: Jason?
/ Jason: You were...You were...
/ Helen: Playing Risk? / Jason: What? / Voice off screen: We have to lock Drew out because whenever he loses he yells, "Blitzkrieg" and sweeps all the pieces off the board.
/ Drew: Moo!
/ Jason: Your soul is mine! Die, solo-plast! / Helen: Well... / Drew: E monkey por coffee in my boots!!
/ Jason: Scoot-scootsie. / [[Drew punches Jason with a banana on his fist, Jason becomes flaming skeleton]]
/ Drew: Disco-Drew wins! / {{"Banana-ality" written in red, bloody like letters in between the previous panel and the next one.}} / Ian: And now you know.
/ Matt: Actually, I kinda liked that one. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-05-13 |
| More Then You Know | [[JM is reading a newspaper.]]
/ JM: So have you started looking for off-campus housing yet?
/ Ian: I thought we were just going to live here again next year.
/ JM: We can't. They're kicking upperclassmen out. Haven't you heard about this? People are already moving out.
/ Ian: WHAT!? / Ian: I thought we were guaranteed housing!
/ JM: Well, that was sort of implied, but there's a lot more people in the incoming class who want to live on campus, so they changed the policy. / Ian: LIES!
/ JM: Yes, well... / Ian: LIES AND TRICKERY!
/ JM: I'll bring you the apartment classifieds once you calm down. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-05-17 |
| Guerilla Radio | [[Matt looking through newspaper]]
/ Matt: There's a nice three-bedroom not far from here, maybe one of the other guys would want to room together...
/ [[off-panel]]
/ Ian: Nah, to heck with that. It's time to go on the offensive. / [[Ian in military garb pushing a penguin through a scale-model campus, Uber Panguin poster in the background]]
/ Matt: Beg your pardon?
/ Ian: I'm gonna lay seige to the administration building in protest. / Ian: It'll be a full-on prank war. Itching powder on every secretary's chair. Sugar in the president's gas tank. They'll cave in no time. / [[Matt looking back at the newspaper]]
/ Matt: I GUESS a jail cell is technically off-campus housing.
/ Ian: And tarantulas! HOARDS of tarantulas loose in teh hallways! http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-05-20 |
| More Trickery | Ian: Water balloons filled with paint, check...
/ JM: You can call off the assault, Schwarzkopf. They're letting us stay. / Ian: Eh?
/ JM: The whole thing was a bluff. Once enough people moved off campus, they said everyone else can keep living here. / Ian: More trickery?
/ JM: More trickery. / Ian: At least now I don't have to explain to Matt why I'm storing tarantulas in his room. / Matt: AIEEEEEEEEEE!!!
/ Ian: Oh, he found them. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2002-05-24 |