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| Super Pimp | [[Top-third shot of JM slightly frowning]]
/ JM: I'm sorry, Ian, but I just can't stand living here anymore. Everything's always a mess, you can't sleep at night because some jackhole is having a party, I don't have any privacy with my girlfriend... / [[Close-up of Ian, JM in background]]
/ Ian: Girlfriend? You've never had a girlfriend. / [[Panoramic shot of JM at far left, back of Ian on far right looking at several computer screens]]
/ JM: Yes I have. I've had three since we started college. / [[Close-up of JM's neckline, showing half of the Super Pimp Superman-based logo on his shirt]]
/ JM: I don't wear this shirt for nothing, you know. / [[JM and Ian facing each other from across each side of panoramic shot]]
/ Ian: If you've had girlfriends, how come you've never introduced any of them to us? / [[Helen walking away with irritated look on her face, Micah following after with creepy expression]]
/ Helen: I'm not listening to any of this.
/ Micah: Deny all you want! From this Thursday forth, the Men of Mac Hall will tolerate your vaginal tyranny no longer! / [[JM and Ian side-by-side with tired expressions]]
/ Ian: Oh yeah.
/ JM: Yeah. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-03-12 |
| Carnifex | Narrator: JM's housing search begins.
/ [[JM and a landlord are in a basement.]]
/ Landlord: So that's pretty much the tour of the place. What do you think?
/ JM: It seems like a lot of money for a basement apartment.
/ Landlord: Actually, there's a lot of advantages to living in a basement! / Landlord: It's cool in the summer, you can play music as loud as you want without bothering the neighbors...
/ [[Man-sized Roach walks up.]]
/ Roach: hey leo? i'm starving. is there any moldy bread i could snack on?
/ Landlord: Check on top of the fridge. / [[JM stands, gaping. The Roach goes off panel to the right.]]
/ Landlord: Admittedly there's a bit of a roach problem, but we'll fix that before you move in.
/ Roach: hey, someone left cheese out overnight! Score! http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-03-17 |
| Filler | JM: Looking over this sample lease, I have a few questions about the wording in a few passages.
/ Landlord: Ask away. / JM: Well, like this part where it says this is an agreement between me, hereinafter referred to as the 'tenant,' and you, hereinafter referred to as the 'slumlord,'
/ Landlord: WHAT? / JM: Also the part where it says you'll shirk responsibility for repairs by blaming me for all breakdowns up to and including smiting by holy fire. / Landlord: You let a law student pay his rent with labor for a month and look what he does to you.
/ JM: If it's all the same to you, I think I'm going to look somewhere else for an apartment, thanks. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-03-21 |
| Cthulhu, the littlest elder god | [[Cthulhu The littlest elder god. Cthulhu is shown sitting down and hugging a teddy bear as he looks up at a large, drooling alien monster.]] / [[Cthulhu holds up his teddy bear and a biting skull rips out from the teddy bear's head, scaring the alien monster back.]] http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-03-23 |
| Cthulhu, Gone fishing | [[Cthulhu is shown fishing--fishing for angel babies.]] http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-03-26 |
| Sacri-licious | Ian: 'Sup master JM?
/ JM: Not much, just... / [[JM looks at Ian's forehead.]]
/ JM: ...Uh / JM: Hey, I didn't know you were Catholic.
/ Ian: I'm not. Why? / [[JM touches his forehead.]]
/ JM: Um... Eastern orthodox? With the forehead, I thought... / < http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-04-01 |
| That's what she said | [[Ian sitting at computer, Art professor pointing at something on monitor]]
/ Art professor: Ian, what are these runic designs around this character on the left?
/ Ian: They're runes..
/ Art professor: No, what do they mean? There's so many social undertones and hidden meanings associated with them. / Ian: Well, if you put it that way, they mean I thought to myself, "Hey, it would look cool if I put some runes there," and so I did. / Art professor: < http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-04-05 |
| I'm not touching this one | [[JM and Matt sitting on couch, playing console games. Micah sticks head in around door-way]]
/ Micah: Hey, how do you get menstrual blood out of a bedsheet? / [[JM and Matt wide-eyed]]
/ JM: How the hell would WE know?
/ Micah: I didn't really think you would. I just wanted to remind you that I am in face sleeping with someone.
/ [[Matt looking down, rubbing temples]]
/ Matt: Oh yeah, I'm real jealous NOW. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-04-18 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-04-21&ref=nf">http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-04-21&ref=nf | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Seraphim choir | [[Part of a 6 image project. This image was used to represent the Seraphim choir]] http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-04-28 |
| 66 | Ian: Random road trip to crash a party in some other damn state! / Drew: Yes!
/ John: Rock!
/ Micah: It is on, my brothers!
/ Helen: Umm... Okay... / Ian: Now remember, the objective here is to pick up girls, so we can't go sabotaging ourselves by talking all the time about, say, buttsex.
/ Unknown (Helen?): Buttsex?
/ Unknown (John?): Ha ha! Buttsex!
/ Unknown (Micah?): Buuuuuttseeeexxx... / 2 hours later:
/ In the car, unable to see who is directly saying what.
/ Unknown (Not Ian): The gauge is low, Ian. Pull over here to fill up on gas and buttsex.
/ Unknown (Ian?): It's okay, I have a stash of emergency buttsex.
/ Unknown: I just saw a sign that says this town is the buttsex capital of the midwest, / 12 hours later:
/ Unknown: Are we in Philly? Let's stop and see the liberty buttsex.
/ Unknown: I'm very concerned about the global buttsex shortage.
/ Unknown: We should write a letter to the former secretary general of the U.N., Buttsex Buttsex Ghali.
/ Helen: Clearly being the only woman on this trip was a mistake. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-05-01 |
| Caution | Ian: OK, we're here. Now REALLY no talking about buttsex. Agreed?
/ Guys: Sure. Right. Absolutely.
/ Helen: Buttsex. / [[Wide-eyed Micah, innocent-looking Helen.]]
/ Micah: What?
/ Helen: ... / [[Super deformed Micah and Helen.]]
/ Helen: BUTTSEX!
/ Micah: Uh oh. She's got the meme. / [[Ian has tears rolling down his cheeks, with a wide-eyed jaw-dropping look on his face.]]
/ Drew: Clearly bringing her on this trip was a mistake.
/ Helen: Ian! Come over here and talk to this person about buttsex! http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-05-05 |
| Matrix: Part VOIP | General: Hah hah hah! Once the machines are cut off from the sun, they'll have no power source! The war will be ours!
/ Soldier: About that plan, General... / [[General takes out gun.]]
/ Soldier: It seems to me that this is going to kill all plant life, and then indirectly starve all animal life, right? Except for maybe some sea vent ecosystems?
/ I mean, I guess there's a plan for getting energy from somewhere else, but if the machines are more technologically advanced than us, they'll be able to do the same thing, right?
/ < http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-05-12 |
| Return of VOIP | [[The machines form the Matrix are shown.]]
/ Prime Unit Alpha: hoo hoo hoo! i chortle in a simulation of humor! once the humans are enslaved, we shall use their bodies to harvest all the energy we need!
/ Matrix machine 2: about that plan, prime unit alpha... i compute that we cannot possibly get more energy out of the humans than it will take to keep them alive, let alone the cost of hooking them up to a simulated world. / Matrix machine 2: i am aware we are using this with a form of fusion, but why do we not just kill the humans and keep the fusion? or colonize another planet where the sun shines? or...
/ [[Prime Unit Alpha shoots Matrix machine 2 with a very advanced laser.]]
/ < http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-05-14 |
| Plan B | [[A girl sees a book hovering in the air beside her.]]
/ Pink haired girl: Huh....? / [[The book reads: The New York Times Bestseller, Carl Sagan, The Demon-Haunted World, Science as a Candle in the Dark]] / [[The girl grabs the book.]]
/ Pink haired girl: ... / [[The girl gets yanked upwards by the book.]]
/ Pink haired girl: !?! / [[Matt and JM are on a rooftop. Matt is holding a fishing rod.]]
/ JM: There's better ways to meet smart women.
/ Matt: I'm open to suggestions. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-05-20 |
| Marcon 2003 | [[2003 Precious Marcon Moments]] / [[Bizzar phone conversation + elevator ride: We see Ian standing by a girl on her cell phone.]]
/ Girl: ...Yeah I know. He's such an ass. My boyfriend doesn't understand that if he only wants sex three times a week, I'm going to look elsewhere and he's going to have to deal. I mean COME ON! I'm nineteen, and a women's sexual peak is thirty-five. Like hell I'm slowing down for him... / [[Anthony + Mechwarrior figure Clix: Ian is sitting at a table with Anthony. The table is covered in Mechwarrior figure Clix toys.]]
/ Anthony: I have a problem... / [[Anthony + cross-dressing cosplayer: Anthony stands next to a Sailor Moon cosplaying mustached man.]]
/ Sailor Moon Man: I can dress up like this because I'm secure with my masculinity.
/ Anthony: Even so, you're still wearing a bra. / [[Marcon + beer: A lanky Aquaman cosplayer stands next to a bald fat dude in a wheelchair]]
/ Aquaman: See the beauty about this costume is that I know I'm nothing to look at on my own. But when a lady sees me in this, she thinks, "Yeah, I'd sleep with Aqua-Man!"
/ Bald wheelchair dude: Man, if I could have one wish, it'd be to breathe under water. / [[Anthony and another guy are playing video games.]]
/ Anthony: Damnit! Who the hell is SUSAN? She got the flag again.
/ Guy: I think that's Rob's girlfriend. Funny, I thought she said she hated Halo, yet she's kicking ass. / [[Next room over. Ian + 6 AM: Ian is playing video games with some other guys, their table is adorned with bottles, cups, and even a flask.]]
/ Ian: BOO - YA! Feel the wrath of Susan!! http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-05-27 |
| I'm not touching this one... | JM: Well Jason, it's been nice talking to you, but I have to run home to check my e-mail. I'm expecting something from another landlord.
/ Jason: Why don't you check it with my computer? / JM: Um... I'm not really comfortable using your computer.
/ Jason: Huh? Why not?
/ JM: Well... There's the empty bottles of hand lotion all over the desk...
/ Jason: What? I've got dry skin.
/ JM: And the wastebasket by the chair filled with wadded-up kleenex.
/ Jason:"Hay fever!
/ JM: And the forty gigs of pornography in the folder you always leave open. / [[Super deformed, sheepish Jason and JM.]]
/ Jason: That's... Yeah, OK, you got me there. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-05-30 |
| Historic Rhetoric | {{title: 3:03 PM}}
/ [[Jon looking bored]] / {{title: 3:06 PM}}
/ [[Micah looking bored]] / {{title: 3:09 PM}}
/ [[Drew looking bored]] / Unknown Suggestor: What would happen if you, like... gargled butter? / {{title: 3:12 PM}}
/ [[Jon looking at glass of butter, Micah bent over sink, Drew in a very wine-connoisseur pose]]
/ Micah: I think more of our questions need to be rhetorical. < http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-06-03 |
| That one | JM: You're late.
/ Matt: Sorry. I got caught up in some Indian movie on cable. / JM: Which one was it?
/ Matt: Um... I dunno. WEEZE / Matt: There was singing, and there was some guy who was trying to win a girl, but her family wanted her to marry someone else. / JM: That's like saying "It was the episode of Lassie where Timmy is in trouble but the dog saves him."
/ Matt: Look, whatever. I don't really know the genre. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-06-06 |
| JM the Science Guy | [[Cityscape: JM on the phone with Matt, who has a flat tire]]
/ JM: ...So the nearest garage is about half a mile down the road from you. Want me to call a tow truck for you? / Matt: Nah, that's ok. / Matt: I figure I can drive it flat if it's just half a mile.
/ JM: Don't you have magnesium rims? / Matt: Yeah, I think it'll be fine if I go slow, but I could replace it if it gets damaged.
/ JM: Ok then, good luck. / [[JM reading a newspaper]] / < http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-06-10 |
| Mind Games | [[JM is shown playing video games. Ian's silhouette can be seen sitting across from him.]]
/ JM: Ever noticed how much power games have over college students? I've been thinking about why that is. / [[Now there is a Connect Four between JM and Ian.]]
/ JM: On one level, games have always been training for your brain, but I think the real draw is almost the opposite of that. / [[JM holds some playing cards.]]
/ JM: I think games are an intellectual's ideal world, a place where everything is simplified down enough to be controllable. / [[Super deformed, innocent-looking Ian and angry pointing JM.]]
/ Ian: SOOOO... If I've been winning all day, does that mean I'm smarter than you?
/ JM: It means you're lucky. Get the chess. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-06-12 |
| Deal with it | [[Helen is shown whistling and walking to the kitchen.]] / Helen: Hey Matt. You're kinda... on the floor.
/ Matt: Yep. Too depressed to move. / [[Helen looks in the fridge.]]
/ Helen: Well, you need anything? Maybe some pillows?
/ Matt: I'm good. / Helen: Okay. Carry on then.
/ Matt: I will, thanks. / Helen thinking to herself: I think I'm getting the hang of living here. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-06-16 |
| He's cute when he's scared | Matt: I didn't even know there was an Asian market here.
/ JM: They have a video store in back. I stop in sometimes to browse. / JM: And actually, it's pretty much all Asian or Hispanic for a few blocks in either direction. I'm surprised you didn't notice. / [[Matt looks frightened.]]
/ JM: I mean, it's no Chinatown, but it's not uncommon to have something like this in places like... something wrong? / Matt: Being an ethnic minority kind of weirds me out.
/ JM: You get used to it. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-06-20 |
| Mr. Bling-Bling's cash-money | [[JM's search for off-campus housing continues.]]
/ JM: Hey, this is actually really nice! Now how much is rent?
/ Landlord: 2,400 dollars a month.
/ JM: For a room?
/ Landlord: For the house. / JM: Who can afford a whole house?
/ Landlord: That is why you find roommates, no? / [[Bling! $ Bling! $ signs pop up on either side of JM's head.]] / [[JM still has those money signs on his head as he looks happily at Ian and Matt who are playing video games.]]
/ Ian: Run... http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-06-25 |
| Deadly Snake Lemons | Ian: Move into a house? What's wrong with here? I like it here.
/ JM: Face it Ian, here sucks. / JM: With all the garbage we have to put up with from the university, why would you want to stay in this little rathole? / JM: I mean, really... / JM: ...Uh, Ian?
/ Ian: *Whimper* / [[Ian has puppy dog eyes and is cowering and hugging his computer hard drive.]]
/ JM: We could get DSL for the house.
/ Ian: Oh. Okay then. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-06-30 |
| Deus Ex Micah | [[>set DeusEx.JCDentonmale bCheatsEnabled True
/ >SpawnMass Hooker1]] / [[A pimped out Micah stands against a brick wall. He has on a suit of armor as well as a gun shoulder holster and glasses. He looks menachingly at the viewer. Next to him is a wanted sign, which looks like a computer screen. It reads WANTED Deus Ex Micah with a picture of Micah on it in his normal garb.]] http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-07-07 |
| Diversity Check | [[Matt is at his computer. He is reading an email:
/ Dear Matt,
/ A recent Supreme Court ruling upheld the value of diversity in higher education, something your University prides itself on. Do you find this diversity is also represented in your immediate circle of friends?
/ Love,
/ Mom]] / Matt: Hey guys! How diverse are we today?
/ Guys: White upper-middle class, checking in! White lower-middle class, checking in! White middle-middle class, checking in! / [[Matt types on his computer.]]
/ Matt: Dear Mom: From a certain perspective.
/ Guy: Also, I'm secretly gay!
/ Guy: Shut up, Micah. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-07-08 |
| Strike Three | [[A messy-faced Ian comes up to JM, who is reading Good Omens.]]
/ Ian: Have you ever started to make pancakes, then decided you didn't really want pancakes, and then just started drinking the batter to finish it off? / [[JM looks quizzically at Ian.]] / [[JM returns to his book.]]
/ JM: No.
/ Ian: Yeah, me neither. Boy, that sure would be weird. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-07-13 |
| Easily Amused | [[Matt is in a store looking at a book.]] / Kid: Gasp! It's the Yu-Gi-Oh Maze of the Pharoah deck! / Kid: *Pant pant pant pant pant pant pant* / Kid: *Huh huh huhhuh-wheeze AWHEEZEWHEEZEAWHEEZEawheezea- / < http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-07-16 |
| ConnectiCon 2003 - Recap | [[Ian is talking to a girl with green and black striped hair.]]
/ Narrator: Like many first-year cons, ConnectiCon suffered from what might be politely called "organizational
/ issues."
/ Ian: Okay, we just found out we're giving a Photoshop tutorial, but we're missing a scanner, a mouse, and a computer with Photoshop. / [[A woman holds up a huge shirt in front of her; only her face and hands can be seen.]]
/ Narrator: The last XXL shirt got sold to a tiny woman.
/ Woman: I'll alter it, and wear it as a dress. / [[Matt is modeling a purple shirt to Ian.]]
/ Narrator: Matt got to wear a totally awesome shirt
/ Ian: Shiney. / [[Matt is on the phone with Ian beside him.]]
/ Narrator: Ian was introduced to Matt's friends
/ Matt: Hey Andy, what's happening in your room?
/ Andy: We're all wearing pants! -Snicker- Okay, that's a lie. http://machall.com/view.php?date=2003-07-21 |