You're browsing the archives of Kick in the Head.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

New iMac [[Dude stands dumbfounded]] / Dude: I LOVE YOU! / Dude: I love you so much / Apple Store Employee: Uhh, sir? / [[Reveal Dude hugging iMac in Apple Store]] / Apple Store Employee: Do you need some help? / Dude: No I'm cool / Dude: Just hugging the iMac / {{love, iMac, Apple Store, Mac, Macint...
Diploma [[Dude hangs diploma]] / [[Dude looks at diploma on wall]] / [[Dude sits on chair next to diploma]] / Dude: Still unemployed. / [[Empty chair, diploma removed from wall]] / {{nyu, new york university, graduation, job, unemployment, diploma, degree}}
Matrix Reloaded [[Dude at movie ticket booth]] / Dude: Do you have any "Matrix: Reloaded" tickets? / Ticket Seller: yes / Dude: Wow, really? One please. / Ticket Seller: ten dollars / Smiley Guy #1: Dude, I just couldn't wait to see this movie again. / Smiley Guy #2: yeah, totally. / Smiley Guy #1: I think my...
Summer Torrential Rain [[Dude lies down in grass]] / [[Shadow appears over dude]] / [[Dude wakes up]] / [[Dude looks scared]] / [[Sudden downpour of rain falls on Dude]] / <> / [[Dude completely soaked]] / Dude: Sometimes those Summer rainstorms really sneak up on you. / {{weather, rain, Summer, park, ou...
Heads Up [[Dude walks through park]] / Smiley Guy: HEADS UP! / Dude: Huh? / [[Dude gets hit by soccer ball]] / <> / [[Dude face down in grass]] / Smiley Guy: Heh, mine. / [[Smiley Guy feels awkward]] / Dude: Heads up. / Smiley Guy: Huh? / [[Dude smacks Smiley Guy]] / < / {{park, outdoors,...
 
Au Bon Pain Receipts [[Dude at Au Bon Pain cashier]] / Cashier: Chocolate croissant and lemonade... / Cashier: comes to $3.18 / Cashier: Don't forget your receipt. / Dude: Oh, uh, thanks. / Dude: I'm sure I'll need this for my taxes next year. / {{food, shopping, au bon pain, receipt, taxes}}
Hair Care Products [[Dude looking at shampoo shelf]] / Dude: Anti-dandruff, pro-vitamin, sheer volume... / Dude: ...dry and damaged, color treated, smooth and sleek... / Dude: Hmmmmmm... / [[Dude examines his hair]] / [[Dude carries tons of products to counter]] / Dude: Which of these would you recommend for my hair? / Cashier:...
Fat Guy on Subway [[Dude sits on middle seat in subway]] / [[Guy on right gets up to go]] / [[Dude switches to right seat]] / Fat Guy: Hey, is anyone sitting there? / [[Fat Guy sits next to dude smushing him]] / {{subway, switching seats}}
May Contain Sugar [[Dude reads recipe book, baking ingredients scattered over table]] / [[Dude reaches into shelf]] / [[Dude looks at sugar box spine]] / [[Box says "Ingredient: Sugar"]] / Box: Questions or Comments? Call: 1-800-729-4840 / [[Dude thinks]] / [[Dude takes out cell phone]] / Dude: How dumb do you...
Alarm Clock Ineffectiveness [[Dude sleeps in bed next to alarm clock]] / <>'' / [[Dude turns off alarm clock without waking up]] / <> / <> / [[Dude turns off alarm clock without waking up]] / <> / Caption: Half an hour later... / Dude: aw, shoot. / Dude: Why doesn't my alarm...
 
Brooklyn Chinese Food [[Dude sits at Chinese restaurant table]] / [[Hand sets chicken lo mein in front of him]] / Dude: What kind of sauce is this on my noodles? / Smiley Guy: Grease / Dude: GREASE!? / [[Dude looks disgusted]] / Dude: Last time I ever eat Chinese out of Chinatown. / {{Chinese food, Chinatown, noodles,...
Car Alarm in Six Panels [[Dude stands in blank space]] / Dude: And now, a rendition of "Car Alarm" in six panels. / [[Dude acts out car alarm sounds]] / Dude: WEEOW! WEEOW! WEEOW! WEEOW! WEEOW! WEEOW! WEEOW! WEEOW! / Dude: booo! booo! booo! booo! booo! booo! booo! booo! / Dude: Beeeoooooo Beeeoooooo Beeeoooooo Beeeoooooo...
Subway Sleeper [[Dude resting on subway, guy next to him asleep]] / [[Guy next to him falls against him]] / [[Dude wakes up]] / Dude: Hey. / Dude: HEY! / Dude: Hmmm... / Dude: STAND CLEAR THE CLOSING DOORS! / [[Smiley Guy wakes up]] / Smiley Guy: WAAH! lemme thru! It's my stop! / [[Dude rests again]] / {{subway,...
Deli Order of Doom Dude: All right, for breakfast I'll get a toasted raising bagel w/ cream cheese. / Dude: And for lunch, smoked turkey sandwich on a roll w/ mayo, lettuce, and provolone cheese. / Dude: Or maybe cinammon raisin w/ provolon- I mean cream cheese... or plain w/ lox... / Dude: But do I want tomato on...
Time Honored Seat Saving Technique [[Dude stands on subway platform]] / Dude: I hope there are seats. I'll even sit next to someone my legs are so tired. / [[Train comes in]] / Dude: Oh my god, could it be true? / [[Dude sees empty seats]] / [[Dude dives to seat]] / Dude: BANZAI!! / [[Dude lies across seats]] / [[Dude sits up]] / Dude:...
 
Tempermental Rain [[Dude stands in pouring rain at bus stop]] / [[Rain lets up]] / [[Dude removes his hood]] / [[Rain resumes]] / [[Dude puts on hood, rain lets up]] / [[Dude gets angry]] / [[Dude removes hood, rain resumes]] / [[Dude with hood, rain lets up]] / Dude: JUST PICK ONE GOD DAMMIT! / [[Rain resumes]] / Dude:...
Things Worse Than Unemployment [[Dude, medium close up]] / Manager: Well, congratulations on your new job. / Manager: I know your skills will prove invaluable to our workforce. / Manager: Just remember, if they don't specify, be sure to ask... / Manager: Would you like fries with that? / Dude: huh? / [[Dude is wearing McDonalds...
Greenpeace's Choice of Attire [[Dude walks down sidewalk]] / [[Dude looks scared]] / <> / Greenpeace charity worker: HI! GOT A MINUTE FOR GREENPEACE? / Dude: What color is that shirt? / Greenpeace charity worker: yellow... / Dude: then no. / [[Charity worker tries new approach]] / Greenpeace charity worker: Hi, got...
Lazy Elevator User [[Smiley Guy waits for elevator on 2nd floor]] / [[Elevator down arrow blinks]] / [[Elevator doors open]] / Dude: What do you think you're doing? / Dude: You were seriously going to take the elevator DOWN from the 2nd floor? / Smiley Guy: Well... / Dude: If you think you're getting on this elevator...
There's a Reason That Seat's Available [[Dude stands on subway platform]] / Dude: Oh my god, it smells like a family of rats chose this exact spot to urinate and then die... / Dude: Whew, I thought I was going to pass out. / Dude: It smells even worse in here, how is that even possible? / [[Dude looks over at scraggly guy]] / Dude: Oh / Dude:...
 
Demanding Job Qualifications [[Dude sits at home computer, a calendar behind him reads June 14, 2003]] / Job bulletin: Job qualifications / Job bulletin: Must have at least six years experience using Windows 2000 / [[Dude looks at calendar]] / Dude: Now that's what I call demanding qualifications. / {{home computer, job search,...
Automated Announcement System [[Dude sleeps on bus]] / Announcement: ATTENTION ATTENTION! This is a test of the automated announcement system... / Announcement: ...please disregard. / [[Dude wakes up confused]] / {{bus, announcement, P.A.}}
Power Mac G5 Desperation [[Dude hugs guy in black shirt]] / Dude: It's all right, you can talk to me about this type of thing. We're friends right? / Dude: You know that you can trust me. / Dude: So how about it? / Apple Store Employee: Sir, even if I had info about new Power Mac G5s, I wouldn't be allowed to tell you. / Dude:...
There's Always Enough Time to Wait [[Dude stands in shower testing water]] / Geez, how long is this thing going to take to heat up? / Maybe I should just risk taking my shower as is. / All right, I'm going to do it. / [[Exterior view of shower with curtain]] / GAHBLARG BLA*&$%#AAA!!!!!!!!!! / {{shower, hot water, cold water}}
Lining Up for Harry Potter [[Dude stands in line with Harry Potter cosplayers]] / Smiley Guy: Excuse me, what's this line for? / Dude: The new Harry Potter book comes out today. / Smiley Guy: Isn't that just a kid's book? / [[Dude looks a little irate]] / [[Dude pulls out wand]] / Dude: AVADA... / Dude: KEDAVRA!* {{For...
 
Identify Each Person [[Dude sits in movie theater with the following]] / [[A. Person drinking soda loudly]] / [[B. person sleeping loudly]] / [[C. Children playing loudly]] / [[D. person explaining to his friend what they missed during the introduction, and their friend sitting behind who can't hear the explanation.]] / [[E....
Rain Finally Stopped [[Dude in window looking at the rain pour down]] / [[Rain lets up]] / Dude: Oh, look at that, the rain stopped. / Dude: Must mean the weekend is over. / {{lazy, weather, rain}}
Snapple Real Fact #343 [[Dude eats burger with fries]] / [[Dude takes bottle cap off of Snapple]] / Bottle Cap: Real Fact #343 A Goldfish's attention span is only 3 seconds. / Dude: How does one go about testing something like this? / {{food, burger, fries, Snapple, fact, trivia}}
Power Mac G5 Journey [[Dude stands outside of SoHo Apple Store]] / Dude: Hi / Apple Store Employee: Hello, how can I help you? / Dude: Yeah, I just have one question... / Apple Store Employee: all right, what is it? / Dude: WHERE ARE THEY? YOU CAN'T HIDE THEM FROM ME, THEY MUST BE HERE I CAN SMELL THEM! / Dude: I'M...
Air Conditioned Subway Car [[Dude sits serenely in subway car]] / Announcement: LAST TOP ON THIS LINE. PLEASE LEAVE THE TRAIN! / [[Dude stays in car]] / MTA Worker: Sir, last stop, please exit the car. / Dude: But it's so nice and air conditioned here. / MTA Worker: Sir, I must insist. / Dude: NO! YOU CAN'T FORCE ME TO LEAVE! / [[Dude...
 

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 >>