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ATM Disability [[Dude stands by 99 cent ATM as dumb person uses it]] / <> / Dumb person: Aw crap, gotta start over again. / <> / Dumb person: Aw crap, not again. / <> / Dumb person: Here, you can use it before me. / Dumb person: Let me know if it works. / <> / Dude: Yeah,...
kickinthehead.org/index.php?date=2005-08-25 [[Dude stands in line at a Wendy's]] / Cheap customer: I‘ll have a small Sprite and a medium fries. / Cashier: That’s $2.25 / Cheap customer: $2.25??? What’re you talking about? I get this every single day! / Cheap customer: I said a SMALL Sprite and medium fries!! / Cashier: That’s $2.15 / Cheap...
Sadistic Subway Announcer Impedes Pee [[Dude sits on subway, bags under his eyes]] / Subway announcer: Attention passengers we are aware of just how full your bladder is now... / Subway announcer: Therefore we’ve decided to drive the trains as slowly as possible because we can... / Subway announcer: Plus not only will the stop before...
Photo - Sleeping on Bed at Home [[Dude sleeps on bed next to duck stuffed animal]] / {{photo, home, bed, sleep, lazy, dolly, duck, plushie}}
Photo - Uptdown sidewalk [[Dude stands on brightly lit Uptown sidewalk]] / {{photo, uptown, night, outdoors}}
 
New Deli Worker [[Dude stands at deli counter]] / Dude: I'll have a quarter pound of provolone. / [[Deli worker goes to slicer]] / <> / [[Deli worker puts one ginormous slice of provolone on scale]] / <> / Dude: Call it a hunch, but you're new to this aren't you? / {{deli, food, cheese, provolo...
Cockroach Apartment Meeting [[Dude stands at podium, cockroaches listen intently]] / Dude: I suppose you’re all wondering why I called you here today. / Dude: Since we’re going to be together for a while I thought we’d discuss a few rules. / <> / [[Giant anvil marked 100lbs falls from the ceiling]] / <> / Dude:...
Starving kids in Africa Charity Worker [[Dude walks down sidewalk]] / Charity worker: Hi! Do you have a minute for the starving children in Africa? / Dude: Sure, I got oodles of time for the starving children in Africa. / Dude: YOU however... / {{sidewalk, charity, africa, clipboard}}
Bathroom Seat Cover Technology [[Dude stands in bathroom stall]] / Wave hand over sensor for new toilet seat cover... / HOLY CRAP! The future is here!!! / Yet the toilet paper isn't perforated. / {{toilet paper, bathroom, poop, pee, toilet seat cover}}
Evil Hong Kong DVD Salesman [[Dude stands in Hong Kong DVD store, clerk watches]] / Dude: Holy crap how is this possible??? / Dude: Last time these DVDs were $12 now they're $6? / Dude: Do you realize how hard it is to not buy the entire store with these damn prices??? / Cashier: Yes. / Dude: You're the most evil man in the...
 
Scaffolding uptown [[Dude walks under scaffolding uptown]] / {{photo, night, uptown, outdoors, scaffolding}}
Photo - Brooklyn Bridge Self Portrait [[Dude stands on Brooklyn Bridge, tourist takes a photo of himself]] / {{photo, brooklyn bridge, camera, portrait, night, outdoors}}
Cell Phone Earpick [[Dude sits on subway next to guy on cell phone]] / Cell phone guy: Cool. All right, talk to you later. / <> / <> / Dude: EEWWWWW!!!! / {{subway, cell phone, ear}}
Long Weekend is Over [[Dude lies down in bed]] / <> / Dude: I wonder what I should do today / Dude: Oh wait, the long weekend is over. / Dude: I guess I'll do that "work" thing. / {{sleep, bed, work, long weekend, lazy}}
Commerce Bank Penny Arcade [[Dude pours loose change into Penny Arcade]] / <> / Penny Arcade: Guess how much cash you have within $1.99 and get a FREE piggy bank! / <> / Penny Arcade: You &#%$ing cheater! You think you’re so smart counting up your change? / Penny Arcade: I get your kind every day,...
 
Panhandler Excuses Panhandler #1: Sir, can you spare some change? / Dude: I know you, you’re only here once a month if that, how needy can you possibly be? / Panhandler #2: What about me? I’m here every day! / Dude: Which means you’re doing well enough without my help. / Panhandler #2: Wait, uh, trying to get subway...
Waiting in Line at the Bank [[Dude walks down sidewalk]] / Dude: My replacement ATM card should be at the bank by now. / [[Dude enters bank]] / [[Dude looks inside bank]] / Dude: Aw crap, there’s a huge line for customer service. / [[Dude stands by bank line]] / Dude: Oh wait, everyone’s been waiting so long they’re either...
Photo - Astor Place Bus [[Dude stands on island on by bus North of Astor Place]] / {{photo, outdoors, night, bus}}
Photo - Sitting on the Pot [[Dude sits on toilet at home]] / {{photo, home, apartment, lazy, late night, indoor, bathroom, toilet}}
Canal Street Stench Attack [[Dude stands on Canal Street Q station subway platform]] / Canal Street Stench: MWA-HA-HA!! All will succumb to the stench of the Canal Street Q!!! / Canal Street Stench: BOW! BOW! Before me and despair!!! / Canal Street Stench: Hey, you're not succumbing. What's your deal? / Dude: I have a cold. / Canal...
 
Runny Boogers [[Dude sleeps in bed]] / <> / <> / Dude: YOU STUPID GOD DAMN RUNNY BOOGERS! FIND A NOSTRILE AND STAY!!! / {{sleep, boogers, snot, mucus, cold, sick}}
Final Fantasy VII Advent Children Caption: Symptoms of having watched Final Fantasy VII Advent Children: / Caption: Eyestrain due to lack of blinking for over 90 min. / Caption: Sore jaw from being open for over 90 min. / Caption: Drool (see above) / Caption: Body, shut down by central nervous system to prevent wild flailing due...
Can't Teach a Deli Worker New Orders [[Dude stands at deli counter]] / Dude: Hi, can I have an onion bagel toasted with cream cheese? / Deli worker: No. / Dude: Excuse me? / Deli worker: No, you can’t. / Dude: And why not? / Deli worker: That’s not your order. / Dude: Well, I thought I’d try something different today. / Deli worker:...
San Genaro Zeppoles [[Dude sits at work computer]] / Work Friend: Hey man, it’s slow now so I’m heading to San Genaro. Want me to pick you up some funnel cake or maybe some zeppoles? / <> / Work Friend: OH DEAR GOD! / Work Friend: Oh wow, geez. Um, okay.So I guess you don’t like funnel cake or zeppoles...
Photo - Missing Broadway Church Tree [[Dude looks sad at place where giant tree used to be]] / {{photo, church, broadway, night, outdoors}}
 
Photo - Beard Papa's [[Dude stands outside of Beard Papas smoking pipe]] / {{photo, night, outdoors, Broadway, beard papa's}}
Lost Sock [[Dude shakes laundry basket out]] / Dude: YES! YES! I finally lost another sock! / Dude: This means my previously extraneous sock from the last time I lost one is suddenly useful again! / Dude: *ahem* actually, what I meant to say is I don’t wear clothes, what’re those? / {{clothes, socks, self...
IMPORTANT MAIL [[Dude checks his mail]] / Junk mail: IMPORTANT ACCOUNT INFORMATION!! OPEN IMMEDIATELY!!!! / <> / Junk mail: “Your account is so good you should get another one!!” / {{mail, junk mail}}
Subway Suspicious Packages Announcement [[Dude stands on subway platform]] / Subway Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, your safety is important to us. / Subway Announcer: Please report any suspicious activity, packages or bags to a police officer or MTA employee. / Subway Announcer: Big Brother is watching you... / Dude: WHAT’D YOU SAY? / Subway...
Imperfect Stranger [[Dude walking on sidewalk]] / Stranger: Hi! I noticed we pass each other every morning so I thought that I’d introduce myself. / Dude: NO! NO! NO! NO! / Dude: What the hell are you doing??? We had a standard unspoken agreement to never speak! / Dude: Now I have to feel pressured to have some stupid...
 

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