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| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - Daily Super-Villain Webcomic and Comics Blog | MISS MATCH: We have to think of something for the "family project" Oscar's teacher assigned. / CAPT. HEROIC: Do you know what my "FAMILY PROJECT" is? It's working two jobs to keep a ROOF over everyone's HEADS. / [[He looks up. So does she.]] / CAP (grins): A-plus. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100312.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | PERSONNEL FILE: GROOVEKILLER
/ NAME: Martin Milhouse
/ ORIGIN: Driving to the Osco drug store in his Cadillac Eldorado, Milhouse was abducted by aliens. Between the polyester, the twenty pounds of gold jewelry and the amount of petroleum-based product in his hair, they assumed Earth was populated by synthetic beings.
/ Which it kinda was at the time.
/ After the usual probing, they deposited him back in Cincinnati. However, they mistakenly left some mysterious alien tech inside his body.
/ POWERS: Milhouse can alter moods from a slight harshing of a buzz to a complete, psychedelic freak-out of bogus proportions.
/ AGE: 72*
/ *Cryogenically frozen at age 35 in 1973 and thawed in 2010.
/ HEIGHT: 5'9"
/ WEIGHT: 185 pounds
/ FAMILY: None http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100313.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[CAPT. HEROIC stands at the entrance to a long hallway. At the end of the hallway is a golden idol on a stone pedestal. Between him and the idol are: A stack of spikes in one wall, to be triggered by an electric eye; a bunch of poisonous snakes atop a box containing a cannon, both to be triggered by one of three electric eyes; a hooded figure, hiding behind the cannon box and holding a battleaxe; at least three machine guns with electric-eye triggers; a tiger in a cage, the door of which is wired to the idol; and a tentacled creature in a branch-covered pit with a WELCOME mat over the branches. Also, the pedestal has a bomb wired to it.]] / [[Back in the real world, CAP and MISS MATCH are watching OSCAR work on his science project.]]
/ MISS MATCH: You don't have to DO his science project. Just HELP him. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100315.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - Daily Super-Villain Webcomic and Comics Blog | CAPT. HEROIC: It's the PRINCIPLE of the thing...All these school projects get done by the PARENTS instead of the KIDS. We're cheating our OWN KIDS out of their education! / MISS MATCH: How do you expect Oscar's teacher to compare his project to ones done by parents? / CAP: I hope it's hard--REALLY hard! Let the punishment fit the crime! / [[OSCAR looks dejectedly at his project: A lump of glue with a couple of straws and some little objects sticking out of it.]]
/ MISS MATCH: It's not the teacher you're punishing. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100316.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - Daily Super-Villain Webcomic and Comics Blog | [[Science Fair day at the Evil Inc. Charter School. CAPT. HEROIC, in his old "DARK HOOD" costume from earlier storylines, accompanies OSCAR to the fair. OSCAR holds a box of flowers marked "Genetics."]]
/ CAP/DARK HOOD: Remember, son...
/ OSCAR: I know, Dad...No one can know it's you under the hood. / CAP: That, too...but remember: You did this project on your own with a LITTLE help from me. That was the object of this project. / CAP: Do you think you learned something about genetics?
/ OSCAR: Yeah. / OSCAR: Mine stinks.
/ [[Other parents and children are bringing in their projects--one father is removing a box marked "Science Fair" from a truck with a forklift, a tentacle is reaching out of another truck to grab someone and we see a dual-rotor cargo helicopter bringing in a large container.]] http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100317.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - Daily Super-Villain Webcomic and Comics Blog | SPIDER-GUY: I thought DARK HOOD was Evil Atom in disguise.
/ CAPT. HEROIC/DARK HOOD: I bought the franchise. / CAP/HOOD: Nice science fair, eh?
/ [[Background continues into next panel. Projects include "Space Warp" and "Nanobyte Elixir." The kid with the space warp is using it to grab a bottle of nanobyte elixir.]] / [[Next panel is dominated by an enormous brown machine. SPIDER-GUY's daughter stands proudly in front of it. She has a fang and four extra spidery legs on her back.]]
/ SPIDER-GUY: A cold-fusion starship drive with the capacity to create a temporal vortex. / CAP/HOOD: ...carved out of a single block of wood.
/ SPIDER-GUY (patting his daughter on the head): Mahogany. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100318.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - Daily Super-Villain Webcomic and Comics Blog | [[CAPT. HEROIC/DARK HOOD talks to one of the science fair contestants. The kid's project is titled "Mutation." He's purple, with green hair, and his body parts are seriously rearranged.]]
/ CAP/HOOD: Look on the bright side. Next year, you can work on the antidote. / [[The kid's father shows up and his body is configured exactly like his son's.]]
/ MUTANT DAD: Come along, son, they're about to announce first prize. / [[CAP/HOOD stands by OSCAR.]]
/ CAP/HOOD: I'm proud of you, little man. You may be the only kid who got anything out of his science project.
/ OSCAR: I hope not. / [[First prize has gone to a giant potted plant, which has grabbed up one of the judges. Two others are trying to make it let go.]] http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100319.html |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100320.html">http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100320.html | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | IRON DRAGON: I...I didn't feel a thing.
/ OFFSCREEN VOICE: Good. / [[IRON DRAGON is being stretched on a rack. Several other villains stand nearby. A placard reads EVIL INC. DESENSITIVITY TRAINING.]]
/ TORTURER: Next... http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100322.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[EVIL ATOM is meeting with MORTON BROCK, a sensitivity trainer.]]
/ EVIL ATOM: I'm sorry. We're villains. We don't do sensitivity training. / [[BROCK jumps to his feet and leans across EVIL ATOM's desk.]]
/ MORTON BROCK: RIGHT OUT IN THE LOBBY I SAW A WOMAN IN A LEATHER BUSTIER POINTING A DEATH RAY AT AN ILLEGAL ALIEN. FROM MARS! / [[BROCK calms himself momentarily.]]
/ BROCK: *ahem* I mean...Harrassment claims in the workplace are up 15%. Bring able to show that you've administered sensitivity training to your staff can...can... / [[He grabs EVIL ATOM by his shirtfront and screams in his face.]]
/ BROCK: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THIS PLACE IS A SENSITIVITY TRAINER'S WET DREAM! YOU HAVE TO LET ME HAVE THIS! / [[EVIL ATOM smiles to himself as BROCK leaves.]]
/ EVIL ATOM (thinking): I just hired a sensitivity trainer who said "wet dream." http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100323.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[Sensitivity training at Evil Inc.]]
/ MORTON BROCK: It might help if we talked honestly about our feelings on race...
/ THE ASP: I treat everybody the same no matter what!
/ Black...white...yellow...green...
/ I treat 'em all good.
/ [[Going down the line are an African-American man, a cute blonde woman, an Asian woman, a green alien, and SINESTRO, who of course is red.]]
/ SINESTRO: Figures.
/ Wait until the Korugarrian Anti-Defamation League hears about this. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100324.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | MORTON BROCK: We're going to do some exercises that will help us understand sexual harassment better... / BROCK: Iron Dragon...Desdemona...Why don't we put you two in a role-playing situation? / IRON DRAGON: OK! I have one! I'll be the sultan and she's a new harem girl who's been caught stealing rubies...
/ BROCK: No, no, no! / BROCK: That has nothing to do with harassment!
/ IRON DRAGON: You haven't seen what we do to jewel thieves! http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100325.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | MORTON BROCK: See! This is what we're talking about! DIVERSITY! / BROCK: If we can appreciate each other's differences...Race, gender, orientation, religion...We can work together as a team. I think my work here is done!
/ OFFPANEL VOICE: Not. Yet. / [[BROCK is strapped to a bloodstained slab, and an AZTEC PRIEST is about to drive a knife into his chest.]]
/ BROCK: Will somebody get the mouth-breathing Aztec heart-grabber away from me?! http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100326.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | PERSONNEL FILE: THE ASP
/ NAME: Seth Lither
/ ORIGIN: A clerical error led a cult of serpent worshippers to Seth's house to crown him the SNAKE KING, after he was identified by the cult's BOARD OF SEERS who foresaw the future by drawing in the sand. After the error was exposed, they released Seth, allowing him to keep his powerful vestments as a lovely parting gift. They crowned his neighbor as the NEW Snake King and then promptly ate him, chanting "Back to the drawing board!"
/ POWERS: Lither can squeeze through almost any opening and fire VENOM BURSTS from his hands.
/ ALIASES: Seth originally worked in international waters, stealing from freighters as the "ASP PIRATE." But he got teased a lot.
/ AGE: 50
/ HEIGHT: 6'1"
/ WEIGHT: 210 pounds
/ FAMILY: None http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100327.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | ZIWWA: @#$%!
/ OSCAR (not understanding): @#$%!?
/ @#$%!?? / [[ECTODEETO and the VAMPIRE KID join in.]]
/ ZIWWA: "@#$%!"
/ OSCAR: @#$%!
/ VAMPIRE KID: @#$%!
/ ECTODEETO (louder): @#$%! / [[They all start laughing and yelling it over and over.]]
/ ZIWWA, OSCAR, ECTODEETO: @#$%! @#$%! @#$%! @#$%! @#$%! @#$%! @#$%! @#$%! @#$%! / [[OSCAR runs across the playground, shouting it at the top of his lungs.]]
/ OSCAR: @#$%!
/ TEACHER: Oh, @#$%! http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100329.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[CAPT. HEROIC is pulling on the DARK HOOD hood.]]
/ MISS MATCH: Ooh! The Dark Hood costume?! / [[She comes up behind him with an amorous look and starts stroking his head and chest.]]
/ MISS MATCH: You must have read my mind! / CAP: I got an e-mail from Oscar's teacher. He got caught swearing in class, so I need to go in and--
/ Wait. What? / MISS MATCH: Oh, nothing! Nevermind!
/ CAP (thinking): I wish I'd have read her mind instead of my e-mail... http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100330.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | DARK HOOD/CAPT. HEROIC: I suppose dealing with kids learning CURSE WORDS is pretty common for a first-grade teacher. / TEACHER: It WAS common. Before I taught HERE.
/ [[OSCAR, VAMPIRE KID, RACHEL, ECTODEETO and ZIWWA stand around a frog with zap-traces around it. There's a sign on the wall reading "NEW RULE: No Cursing!"]]
/ KIDS: BEN! SPEAK TO US! http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100331.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | CAPT. HEROIC: Oscar, there ARE no bad words. There are bad thoughts...bad intentions...and... wooorrrds. / CAP: You show your INTEGRITY by choosing not to use certain words during inappropriate times.
/ [[CAP gives OSCAR a playful noogie.]] / MISS MATCH: Our kid is DOOMED.
/ CAP: So I cribbed that first part from George Carlin. YOU can handle the next crisis. / MISS MATCH: What? And miss the sex talk based on the wisdom of Shecky Greene? http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100401.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | CMDR. HEROIC: I still think you shoulda washed his mouth out with soap.
/ CAPT. HEROIC: Like you did to ME all the time? No way. / CMDR: Kept you in line, didn't it? I never heard that word come out of your mouth again after that. Heck, I can't even remember what it was. / CAP: Heh, I do...It was "&#@!!" / [[CMDR. HEROIC stalks off. CAP has a bar of soap wedged in his mouth.]]
/ CAP (thinking): Notes of phenol with woody undertones...Lifebuoy '98, I believe...
/ CAPTION: With a doff of the cap to Jean Shepherd! / {{Jean Shepherd was the author whose short stories were the basis of the 1983 film A CHRISTMAS STORY. One scene in the film shows RALPHIE being punished for swearing by having his mouth washed out with soap.}} http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100402.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | LIGHTNING LADY: Evil Inc. How may I harm you?
/ PHONE VOICE: Tell me about the new Evil Inc Workout. / LIGHTNING LADY: It was developed by a netherdemon. It calls it the "salt" workout. It spends the entire warm-up period filling up pitchers of water until it can hardly lift them. / PHONE VOICE: Pitchers of WATER? Then why is the workout called "SALT?" / LIGHTNING LADY: Because when it trains, it pours. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100403.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[Cityscape. Night.]]
/ CAPTION: Nighttime in the city. / [[Another cityscape.]]
/ CAPTION: A night like any other.
/ Or is it? / [[Evil Inc. Shipping & Receiving Dept. KILLER KOI, on the phone.]]
/ KILLER KOI: I'm sorry, Mister Shiver, we're backordered on that shipment of freon...I can have it overnighted to you for an afternoon delivery. / [[Another cityscape.]]
/ CAPTION: Nighttime in the city.
/ A night like any other.
/ Unfortunately. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100405.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[Cityscape.]]
/ CAPTION: TUESDAY night in the city.
/ A night like any other.
/ Or is it? / [[Evil Inc Shipping & Receiving.]]
/ KILLER KOI (on the phone): Listen, Mister Shiver, I don't have any control over the weather in Denver. Your freon shipment has been delayed. / [[MISTER SHIVER looks displeased as he listens to KILLER KOI.]]
/ KILLER KOI: I have a voucher for some free merchandise... / [[Cityscape.]]
/ CAPTION: Tuesday night in the city.
/ A night just like MONDAY.
/ KILLER KOI: ...can we express our apology with the help of some top-of-the-line torture equipment?
/ MISTER SHIVER: If only... http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100406.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[Cityscape.]]
/ CAPTION: WEDNESDAY night in the city. / [[WELBORNE REEVES leaves a charity gala. He waves to the cameras as he walks to his limousine. His driver looks suspicious.]]
/ CAPTION: This is Welborne Reeves, billionaire. / [[Inside the limo.]]
/ REEVES: Turn that air-conditioning off, Jenkins. This isn't a meat locker, is it?
/ [[MISTER SHIVER has taken JENKINS' place. He grins evilly.]]
/ MISTER SHIVER: Heh-heh.
/ CAPTION: This will be a night unlike any other... / [[Cityscape.]]
/ CAPTION: Mostly.
/ KILLER KOI: I'm sorry, King Scarab, but do you know how hard it is to get dart-frog poison through Amazonian customs? http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100407.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[GREEN MOTH bursts into the Shipping & Receiving Dept.]]
/ GREEN MOTH: What's going on here? You shipped twenty cases of CHLOROPHYLL to Dr. Sneer! / KILLER KOI: I know! It got confused with a shipment for Poison Ivy. She received twenty cases of CHLOROFORM! / GREEN MOTH: What is Dr. Sneer supposed to do with twenty cases of CHLOROPHYLL?! / [[They both stand there silently for a panel.]] / GREEN MOTH: His honeymoon is TONIGHT!
/ KILLER KOI: I know... I know... http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100408.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[DARK DEMIGOD, surrounded by Kirby Krackle, is on the phone.]]
/ DARK DEMIGOD: I need the SCEPTER OF ETERNITY!
/ NOW! / KILLER KOI: I'm sorry, but our clerics just completed the spells this morning. Can I ship that Priority Mail? / DARK DEMIGOD: N-no! Without the SCEPTER to contain it, the OMNI FORCE will disperse the atoms of my body throughout the galaxy, and its limitless power will find another host within the next twenty-four hours, creating a new DARK DEMIGOD! / DARK DEMIGOD: You may well ship it to HIM! / KILLER KOI: Very well. I'll ship it "NEXT DEI AIR!" http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100409.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - Daily Super-Villain Webcomic and Comics Blog | PERSONNEL FILE: KILLER KOI
/ ORIGIN: When Dr. Milt Fry devised the most advanced robot of his time, he decided that he needed just enough brainpower to operate the body--without enabling his creation to outsmart him. Being a particularly meek man, he built a special unit to harness the brainwaves of a goldfish.
/ HISTORY: Being a very territorial goldfish, the robot soon ditched the doctor and began to live an independent life of crime. Dr. Fry was last known to be working on a robot powered by an earthworm. It was last seen crashing out of the doctor's laboratory wall in June, 2008.
/ POWERS: Super strength, excellent swimmer.
/ GOLDIE
/ LENGTH: 4"
/ WEIGHT: 8 ounces
/ FAMILY: About 65 siblings
/ ROBOT
/ HEIGHT: 6'3"
/ WEIGHT: 350 pounds
/ FAMILY: None http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100410.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[Cityscape. Night.]]
/ CAPTION: Night in the city.
/ A night like any other.
/ Or IS it? / CAPTION: Suddenly, a silent plea for help rises above a beleaguered metropolis.
/ [[A searchlight projects a symbol on the clouds above: two pale pink globes, one slightly overlapping the other.]] / [[On the roof of Police Headquarters, the COMMISSIONER and several officers stand around the searchlight.]]
/ COMMISSIONER: We go through this every time!
/ Try one of the others!
/ Power Girl is NOT gonna show up!
/ [[One officer removes the gel. Nearby is a container with other signals, including a bat, a hawk, a green lantern and a number 4.]] http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100412.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[CAPT. HEROIC lands on the roof of Police Headquarters. The COMMISSIONER is waiting there.]]
/ COMMISSIONER: It's Mister Shiver. He's holding Welborne Reeves hostage...but I thought he was your Dad's nemesis. / CAPT. HEROIC: He was. But I'm covering my Dad's calls these days... / COMMISSIONER: He has Reeves frozen in a block of ice. He's asking for "a cool billion."
/ CAP: Cute.
/ OFFPANEL VOICE: OK! We're ready! / [[CAP flies down to the street below, where a truck marked "MIKE'S REFRIGERATED TRANSPORT" has just been loaded with ransom money.]]
/ CAP: I HATE theme villains. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100413.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[CAPT. HEROIC flies through the night sky. He's making a call on his iPhone.]]
/ CAPT. HEROIC ("CAP" from here on): It's your old nemesis, Mister Shiver. What can you tell me about him, Dad?
/ CMDR. HEROIC ("HEROIC" from here on): Lots. / [[CMDR. HEROIC and MS. AMAZING at home.]]
/ HEROIC: Creepy guy..he has a death fixation. Try to get him near a mirror and...
/ MS. AMAZING: That's Mr. SHIVA! / HEROIC: Oh. In that case, get some HYDROGEN SULFIDE. You can tarnish him if you--
/ MS. AMAZING: THAT'S MISTER SILVER! / CAP: SHIVER! SHIVER! / HEROIC: I CAN'T. I'm pretty sure she's puncture-resistant.
/ [[MS. AMAZING gives him a dirty look.]] http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100414.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[MISTER SHIVER's hideout. WELBORNE REEVES is trapped in a block of ice from his shoulders down.]]
/ REEVES: You'll never get away with this, Shiver!
/ MISTER SHIVER: Oh, but I shall. I MUST! / [[A banging at the door, which is barred shut.]]
/ < http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100415.html |
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