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|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Female intern: One day... one day I WILL RULE THE WORLD! / Evil Atom: Oops. OK. Rookie mistake... I should have told you... / Evil Atom: NO ONE really tries to rule the world anymore.Think about it: as ruler of the world, you become responsible for every country, every economy, every society... right down to the last leaky faucet in Tahiti -- it's ALL your problem! The trick is: You want to have ALL the reward with AS LITTLE responsibility as possible. Try again. / Female intern: One day... I WILL RENT THE WORLD! / Evil Atom: By George, I think she's got it.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Evil Atom: Role play this: You have the hero down. NOW'S a good time to tell him about your grand scheme, right? / Female intern: Duh. Of COURSE not.
/ Evil Atom: Good! Good! Go get him! / Female intern: Now, Super Guy... Prepare to face my wraith!
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Intern: How much are we getting PAID for this? / Evil Atom: Um. You're INTERNS. You don't GET paid. / Intern: You mean I'm getting nothing? / Evil Atom: Well, you are getting SOMETHING: an education. Money can be stolen, but no one can ever take away your education. / Intern: Maybe that should tell you which has more VALUE!|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Evil Atom [[to Dr. Haynus]]: I'd have never thought our prodectivity could be increased 300% by something as simple as cubicle design. / [[Evil Atom and Dr. Haynus are walking past a block of cubicles that have no openings for the people inside to exit.]]|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Hold-Up Man: C'mon! Make it snappy! / [[Teller tosses cash out to the gunman]] / Hold-Up Man [[addressing tellers, with hands up]]: Nobody moves, and nobody gets hurt! / [Reveal: Sign reading "Evil Inc. Credit Union," and a line of armed customers wearing assorted masks]] / Hold-Up Man [[waving]]: See ya next week, Marge! Tell Shirley I said "Hi!" / Teller: Take care, Benny!|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Dr. Muskiday: OK, people... Dr. Haybus is coming for an inspection. I want all the best projects on display. / Dr. Muskiday: Remember: He controls our funding...So we must be at our very best...Speak ONLY when spoken to! / [[Muskiday walks past scientists with projects labeled "Botulism Phaser," Battle Fist," and "Death Droid." / Dr. Muskiday: You... You're trying to break me, aren't you Thomson? ...I won't be broken. / Thomson [[holding his "Tickle Gun"]]: But sir... I...|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Dr. Muskiday: Dr. Haynus! We're so happy you dropped by...
/ Dr. Muskiday, we're facing budget cuts if this department doesn't DAZZLE the top brass. / Dr. Haynus: Need i remind you that I don't want a replay of the "Discomfort Ray Cannon" incident of two years ago...? / Dr. MuskidayNO! NO! OF COURSE YOU DON'T!
/ Dr. Haynus: Very well. Lead on. / Dr. Muskiday [[yanking scientist down to his level by the necktie]]: <
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||[[Caption]]: Superhero (A) lands on "X", stepping on levered weight (B) which releases balloon with sun painted on it (C). This wakes rooster (D) who crows, making parrot (E) jealous. Parrot tops rooster by reading newspaper aloud (F). The news causes suicidal mouse (G) to throw itself on a remote control disguised as a mousetrap (H). Remote turns on TV which is tuned to "The Sopranos" (I). This makes the monkey (J) hungry for Italian food (K). As he twirls spaghetti on fork, one long noodle (L) tied to a power switch (M) activates electric fan (N) which spins spool (O) pulling the rope (P) tighter against trigger of Obliterator Ray Gun (Q).]] / / Dr. Haynus: Well, Doctor Goldberg, the bad news is you're fired... / Dr. Haynus: The good news is we're hiring you to write the User's Guides of our software.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||<
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Lightning Lady [[on phone]]: Evil Incorporated. how may i misdirect your call? Oh hi, Dr. Poison! How'ld that love potion work out? / Lightning Lady [[on phone]]: She's head-over-heels? Great! Fawning over you? She even proposed MARRIAGE? You must be very pleased! / Lightning Lady [[on phone]]: You want your money back?! But it sounds as if the last thing she wants is to bring you to JUSTICE anymore! / Lightning Lady [[on phone]]: Well, maybe if you helped with the wedding planning a little she wouldn't WANT to kill you.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Intern Ted: LOOK at us, Ryan! When we were growing up together, did you ever imagine we'd land internships at Evil Inc? / Intern Ryan: Actually... yes. This is exactly how I expected us to end up. / Intern Ted: Seriously? / Intern Ryan: Ted, remember the games we played as kids? ...Hide 'n' Sneak? ...Pin the Blame on the Donkey? / Intern Ted: Oh, come on... / Intern Ted: We played Kickball. All little kids play Kickball. It's perfectly normal! / Intern Ryan: There was nothing normal about the way we played"Kick-Ball"...|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Intern Ted: What's with the whistling? / Intern Ryan: Ever had a song in your head that won't go away? / Intern Ted: Well stop it. / Intern Ryan: DEE da DEE da da da DEEEE! / [[The interns enter an elevator populated with, from left: The Enchantress, Soloman Grundy, and Sinestro]] / Intern Ryan: [[singing]] HERE I COME to save the DAAAAAYY! / [[All of the passengers stop what they're doing and stare with wide, amazed eyes at Ryan.]]|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Intern Ted: What's WITH you?! Ever since we got internships at Evil Inc you've been acting strange! / Intern Ryan: <
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Intern Ted: It THAT all this is about?! JEEZ, Ryan! You had me SCARED there for a minute! / Intern Ted: Listen, Bro. We're best friends. Always WILL be. That isn't going to change. Besides... LOTS of villains are gay... / Intern Ryan: I'm NOT a gay guy... I'm a GOOD guy -- a HERO! I want to do courageous things! / Intern Ted: ... [[removes his arm from Ryan's shoulder]] / Intern Ryan: I said I was courageous... not contagious...|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Intern Ted: How can we be FRIENDS if you want to be a SUPERHERO?! How do I know you're not looking at me and thinking about THWARTING me?! / Intern Ryan: I don't want to thwart you. / Intern Ted: Sure... you say that NOW... / Intern Ryan: Of all the villains I could possibly thwart... you're not even on the LIST. / Intern Ted: Come ON... I'm thwartable, ain't I? / Intern Ryan: Oh, sweetie, I'm sure SOMEONE wants to thwart you...|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Lightning Lady [[on phone]]: Evil Inc... how may i misdirect your call? / Lightning Lady [[on phone]]: Oh, hello, Mysterio... you say you bought the "Evil Inc guide to holding a city hostage and demanding money from the town leaders"? / Lightning Lady [[on phone]]: You have a complaint about the book? Were you unable to take a city hostage? / Lightning Lady [[on phone]]: You took the city hostage two weeks ago and nobody noticed? / Lightning Lady [[on phone]]: May I ask which city?...Camden, New Jersey?...See... there's your problem... / Lightning Lady [[on phone]]: Most of the people who live in Camden are there because they don't know they're ALLOWED to leave.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Lighting Lady: Oooooh! I HATE it when somebody jams the copier and just leaves! / Lighting Lady: Who left this sheet of paper in the photocopier? / Man, peeking up from behind cubicle: Oh. That's mine. / Miss Match: Oooooh! I HATE it when somebody jams the copier and just LEAVES! [[arms and legs are protroding from inside photocopier.]]|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Lightning Lady: Welcome to EVIL INC. Do you have an APPOINTMENT? / Catspaw: Do you know who you're talking to? / Lightning Lady: No. Does he have an appointment? / Catspaw: WHO?! ME?!? / Lightning Lady: I don't know. you just said so yourself. / Catspaw: WHAT DID I SAY?! / Lightning Lady: "Do you know who you're talking to?" / Catspaw: DON'T TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME! / Lightning Lady: Who? / Voice from off-camera: Catspaw? My old partner in crime?! / Catspaw: THAT... is who you're talking to. / Evil Atom: Do you have an appointment?|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Evil Atom [[to Lightning Lady]]: This is CATSPAW... We worked together back in the day... / Catspaw: Before he got soft. / Evil Atom: Don't start. / Catspaw: Before you were born, your boss and I made cumulative loans to people, then charged outragous interest rates! / Catspaw: Don't tell me you don't MISS that! The thrill... the graft... the wild profits at the expense of those who could afford it the least! / Evil Atom: I USED to miss it. / Evil Atom: But I got over it.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Catspaw: Feh... CREDIT CARDS. Gimme old fashioned loan sharking any day. / Evil Atom: You'ld kill to charge the -- <
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Catspaw: Gambling. / Evil Atom: Stocks. / Catspaw: Embezzelment. / Evil Atom: Hidden charges. / Catspaw: Blackmail! / Evil Atom: Threatening to move to a new city unless a tax abatement is levied. / Catspaw: Con games. / Evil Atom: Disappearing pensions. / Catspaw: Extortion. / Evil Atom: Charging extra for necessary componants. / Catspaw: Holy moley. You're right. / Catspaw: You CAN do more evil if you stay on the right side of the law.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Evil Atom: So ... you're sure you don't want to come work for us? / Catspaw: Yeah ... I like my crime the way I like my cable tv: illegal. / Evil Atom: Sigh. I'm gonna miss that old codger. / Catspaw: You do know he just lifted your wallet ... / Evil Atom: Yeah ... Heh-heh. And it has all my credit cards in it. / Evil Atom: Wait 'til he starts getting the bills.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Woman: Gary, this is my daughter,Kaitlyn. Her school is closed due to a eczema outbreak.
/ Gary the graphic artist: Tragic. / Woman: I was hoping she could stay back here today.
/ Gary: <
|a class="searchlink" href="http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050830/">http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050830/||[untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Coworker: Why are you snickering?
/ Gary: A client is requesting a design that is FULL of design clichés! / [[Gary snickers]]
/ Gary: So I created a design that uses every cliché in the book. It's two stick figures shaking hands atop a globe under a rainbow with lightbulbs over their heads and a heart floating between them. / [[Telephone rings]] / [[Coworker smiles]]
/ Phone: Gary, the client is NOT happy.
/ [[Gary grins]]
/ Gary: <
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Text Logo: New... From the makers of the Poison Pantone Fan
/ Man: I'd like to make some color suggestions...
/ [[Pantone Fan held by Man sprays gas in his face]]
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||[[Panel One:]] The Graphic Designer's Field Guide to the Workplace: The Tweaker / / Narrator: The Tweaker (Pecktadeathus Byduckus) is a quiet killer who can derail a project with a slow, steady stream of needless changes. / Most Active: One day before deadline. / Tweak Claw: Capable of delivering hundreds of debilitating tweaks per day. / Identification: Listen for diminutive adjectives: "Just a LITTLE change"..."Just a SMALL suggestion"..."Only takes a MINUTE'S work." / Genes: Due to a genetic make-up similar to a homing pigeon, the Tweaker keeps returning despite being sent away repeatedly. / Narrator: Strategy: Make two copies of your project - A master and a dummy. Make all changes to the master. Make most of the changes to the dummy, which you show to the Tweaker...then for every tweak thereafter, change a PREVIOUS tweak BACK to its original state. It is possible to defeat a tweaker if you can get it to chase its tail.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Coming up next on... I married a designer. Stay tuned! / Designer 1 [[to his wife]]: You can't put the measuring cups with the coffee cups. That doesn't make sense. Do you need me to help organise this kitchen? / Designer 2 [[visiting Designer 1 in the hospital]] SHE HIT YOU WITH A BASEBALL BAT?! / Designer 1:<< sigh >> She keeps one next to the canned goods|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Louise [[on phone]]: Evil Inc. Department of Outplacement and Talent Representation. Louise speaking... / Louise [[on phone]]: Piledriver! How did the heist go, Darling? / Piledriver [[through phone]]: I have a question about our contract... / Louise [[on phone]]: I explained that bubbie. I get 10% of whatever YOU get. So what did you get? / Louise [[on phone]]: 15 years? 10 with good behaviour? / Louise [[on phone]]: I'll waive my fee.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Louise [[on phone]]: This is Louise...
/ Dr. Doom [[through phone]]: Von Doom speaks! Von Doom commands! Von Doom reverses the charges!
/ Louise [[on phone]]: Cute, Vic... / Dr. Doom [[through phone]]: Louise, I need some muscle for a job i'm pulling. He needs to be familiar with sorcery, too... / Louise [[on phone]]: I have a guy... He's wrapping up an extortion gig at a goverment-run food operation... / Louise [[on phone]]: I'll beep him... / <
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