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Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Louise [[on phone]]: Oh... You again... Listen baby, I'm tryin'. / Voice on phone: It's been so long... don't you have anything? / Louise [[on phone]]: Times are tough! This economy... Everyone's scaling back. I just got off the phone with Green goblin... he's completly scrapping three schemes. / Louise [[on phone]]: There's a good two dozen henchmen and thugs out there looking for dishonest work. I spoke to one today. He's giving up evil entirely... he's going into telemarketing. / Louise [[on phone]]: Well, ya don't go cold turkey, dear.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050907.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic [[Evil, Inc. Department of Outsourcing and Talent Representation]] / Evil, Inc. Employee: Red Skull! I hear you have a plot brewing on the West Coast. / [[At Desk]] Evil, Inc. Employee: I also hear you’re using a civilian temp agency [to] handle your thug-related staffing! / [[Through telephone]] Red Skull: Sigh. I was only gonna get some secretaries . . . / [[Fully-staffed Villainous Headquarters]]: . . .But before I knew it, I’d been talked into letting them do ALL my staffing! Ya ever try to see CPAs try to assemble a Death Ray? It ain’t pretty. / Red Skull: Luckily, some of ‘em are former IRS. / Evil, Inc. Employee: Sounds awful! / Red Skull: But Geez, Louise! I’m paying through the nose here! / Evil, Inc. Employee/Louise: You don’t have a nose dear. / Red Skull: What’s that hole between my eyes and mouth called? I’m paying through that!
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050908.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Louise [[through telephone held by Red Skull]]: I can help with your thug-related staffing, Skullie. You KNOW that. Standard contract: $600-per-week plus transportation. / Red Skull [[on phone]]: Transportation?!! Since when do I pay TRANSPORTATION?! / Louise [[through phone]]: Standard contract, sweetie. / Red Skull [[on phone]]: That's highway robbery! / Louise [[through phone]]: Interstate theft is extra, Skull. / Red Skull [[on phone]]: Very funny, Louise. I ain't payin'! / Louise [[through phone]]: Oh come on... We're talking one-way tickets here, tightwad. / Red Skull [[on phone]]: Well, there is THAT...
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050909.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Red Skull [[on cellular telephone]]: I’m just payin’ transport, Right? I’m not picking up health benefits. / Evil, Inc. Employee: Evil Inc. Covers all Health and Hospitalization. Rest easy Moneybags. / Red Skull [[through telephone]]: Wow! That’s a great deal! How do you guys afford that? / Evil, Inc. Employee: Very few thugs require a doctor’s attention after a typical project. / Red Skull: Really? Oh . . . I get it. I guess that makes sense, doesn’t it?
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050910.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Dr. Haynus: [[Scratching himself]] Curse Evil Atom! It is I who should be CEO of Evil Inc -- Not he! / Dr. Muskiday: Gotta admit, he has a head for business. / Dr. Haynus: As do I, Dr. Muskiday... As do I... / Dr. Muskiday: But his isn't in a wooden crate under his desk. / Dr. Haynus: Regardless of where I keep it you mumbling simp, all the IMPORTANT stuff -- THE THINKING -- happens right here... / Dr. Muskiday: Oh, absolutely... NO ONE can deny you think outside the box...
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050912.html
 
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Dr. Haynus: The bottom line is clear: I should be in charge of Evil Inc. / Dr. Haynus: I worked my way up the ranks, spending years in "schemes and plots"... I was responsible for some of the very worst. / Dr. Muskiday: Don't be so hard on yourself... That ONE almost worked. / [[Dr. Haynus lies down]] / Dr. Haynus: No... Not that kind of "bad". I mean the kind of bad that is actually good! / Dr. Muskiday: Like "Michael Jackson Bad"? / Dr. Haynus: I can't do "Michael Jackson Bad" -- I don't have hands.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050913.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic [[A villain waks by a door with the Evil Inc. logo. Dr. Haynus and Dr. Muskiday are behind the door]] / Dr. Haynus: Y'know what burns me about Evil Atom being CEO? He wasn't a good villain. / Dr. Muskiday: He wasn't? / [[Dr. Haynus is sitting behind a desk in an office with a fire hidrant]] / Dr. Haynus: While I was honing my skills in "schemes and plots", do you know what HE was doing? / Dr. Muskiday: What? / [[Dr. Haynus is standing on the desk]] / Dr. Haynus: GETTING HIS KEISTER HANDED TO HIM BY TITANIC MAN! / Dr. Muskiday: Th-th-that's right... That never happened to YOU! / [[Dr. Haynus is now standing on the floor]] / Dr. Haynus: YOU MORON! YOU'RE A GENIUS / Dr. Muskiday: [[Looking startled]] I need to make water, sir.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050914.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Dr. Haynus: [[Circling the room]] Every villain is judged by the her he battles. I'm not a top-tier villain because I never battled a top-tier hero! / Dr. Haynus: But who shall be my foe? / Dr. Muskiday: [[Pensive]] Ooh! Pick Emerald Archer! H'd be easy to beat! / Dr. Haynus: FOOL! One does not become a top villain by battling B-LIST heroes! I have to become the nemesis of a Spider-man... a Batman... even a Superman! / Dr. Muskiday: [[Looking startled]] SUPERMAN?! He'd kick your butt! / Dr. Haynus: I would hope so! Lex Luthor has gotten HIS kicked 267 consecutive times. And do you know what he pulls down each year? / Dr. Muskiday: Not his pants. His butt's between his shoulder blades.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050915.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic [[We see a room with a sign saying "Evil Inc. Nemesis registration. Please take a clipboard and fill in your nemesis preferences". In that room we see several villains in a line towards a window with a man in it. Dr. Haynus and Dr. Muskiday are at the end of the line. The man is attending a male villain.]] / Man: [[Shaking clipboard angrily]] Wonder Woman?! Emma Frost?! Power Girl?! This is Nemesis Registration -- NOT the Make-a-FREAKING-Wish-Foundation!! / Villain:[[Smiles and shrugs]]
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050916.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Lightning Lady:[On phone] Evil Inc. How may I misdirect your call? / Phone: From the time I was a little boy they taunted me and called me "puny". I studied hard and became a master of scientific knowledge. / Phone: Later when a radioactive meteor smashed into my laboratory, I was imbued with phenomenal powers over the forces of nature. / Lightning Lady: Mmm-Hmmm... / Phone: But still, the taunts came -- from my peers, as well as from strangers...what...what I'm trying to say is...well... / Lightning Lady: Lemme guess... / Lightning Lady: Yes, Evil Inc. offers exposition-management training. I can pencil you in for three o'clock. / Phone: You're very good.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050917.html
 
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic [[Dr. Haynus and Dr. Muskiday in long line.]] / Dr. Haynus: Sigh. This is the slowest line I’ve ever waited in! / [[Close-up of Dr. Haynus]] / Dr. Haynus: Bah! I’ll bet if I set fire to the building I could get those workers to move! / [[Dr. Haynus and Dr. Muskiday regard each other.]] / Dr. Muskiday: It didn’t work at the post office and it’s not gonna work here.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050919.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Dr. Haynus: "Nemesis Registration!" Pah! Bureaucratic nonsense! / Dr. Muskiday: Without it, all the villains would try to battle the top three heroes. It would be horrible! / Dr. Haynus: Horrible? It sounds terrific! Why, we'd outnumber them and overpower them easily! / Dr. Muskiday: They tried that once. It didn't work. / [[Dr. Haynus and Dr. Muskiday are still at the end of the Nemesis Registration line]] / Dr. Haynus: Lemme guess. The villains got in each other's way. / Dr. Muskiday: Exactly. Too many crooks foil the plot.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050920.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic [[Dr. Muskiday and Dr. Haynus bent over reading form on clipboard.]] / Dr. Haynus: Curses! Infernal Forms! / Dr. Muskiday: Lemme Help. How bad could it be? / [[Dr. Muskiday reads clipboard.]] / Dr. Muskiday: Curses. / [[Close up of tablet with many lines to fill out.]]
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050921.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic [[Dr. Haynus and Dr. Muskiday are at the Nemesis Registration window]] / Attendant: To register as a "Foe" is $10 dollars but you're only allowed to pull bank jobs. / Attendant: For $500 you're registered as a Rogue. You get B-list heroes and a wider range of crime. / Attendant: For $5,000, you get Arch-Enemy status. The list of heroes is more impressive and your schemes can be statewide. / Dr. Haynus: I was hoping for Nemesis status. / Attendant: Ten bucks / Dr. Haynus: HUH?! / Attendant: Get your Foe license, rob a few banks, and we'll talk.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050922.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Dr. Muskiday: I can't believe it! You're going to be an Arch-enemy! And how lucky to get registered to Captain Heroic! / Dr. Muskiday: He's right here in TOWN! Do you know what you're going to save in hotel expenses? Say, how DID you manage that? / Dr. Haynus: Two Arch-enemy level villains registered to Captain Heroic passed away last week. Since I'm C.T.O. of Evil Inc. I pulled some strings to go to the top of the list. / Dr. Muskiday: Only YOU could improve your standing with a little posturing on some fallen arches.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050923.html
 
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Lightning Lady [[on phone]]: Evil Inc., how may I misdirect your call? / Voice: I just signed a contract with the devil, but I changed my mind. How can I get out of it? / Lightning Lady: Did you sign in blood? / Voice: No. Blue ballpoint pen. / Lightning Lady: Did you smell brimstone? / Voice: No. "Right Guard." / Lightning Lady: Did you get your fondest wish? / Voice: No. Access to some treadmills and a yucky pool. / Lightning Lady: Sir... You didn't sign a deal with the devil ~ you signed a membership at a gym! / Voice: How do I get out? / Lightning Lady: Prick your finger and practice your penmanship...
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050924.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Mr Nukkel: Dr. Haynus has budgeted $50,000 for our department to make a plot to stop Capt. Heroic. / Miss Match: Wow! I get to spend 50-grand on a project?! / Mr. Nukkel: Um. No one said anything about spending a cent. I want a rough draft on my desk by three. [[brandishing a pocketwatch]] / Miss Match: Nice watch. Is it new? / Mr. Nukkel: Why yes, it is, thank you. It's solid gold with encrusted rubies. Cost me a for- / Mr. Nukkel: tune. / Mr. Nukkel: [[swinging the pocket watch back and forth in front of Miss Match]] Sleeeeep! SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! / Miss Match: Y'know...I actually hope that works.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050926.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic [[Background sign, partially obscured, reads "Evil Inc. Dept. of Plots & schemes]] / Miss Match: We've got $50,000 earmarked for the Captain Heroic project... Why can't I spend any of it?! / Harry Nukkle: You don't understand. / [[Nukkle stands before a door with the department sign on it]] / Harry Nukkle: It may *seem* as if we can just spend 50 grand.../...But in reality, it's simply business-as-usual in this department. / [[Door opens behind Harry, as a buxom masseuse rubs his shoulders, Nukkle's bulging eye's situated in front of her cleavage]] / Masseuse: It's time for your one o'clock shiatsu, Mr. Nukkel. / Harry Nukkle: ...And it may *seem* as if I just spent the money on a personal masseuse. / Miss Match: But in reality, it's simply business-as-usual in this department.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050927.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Miss Match: I can't do this project without a new computer. / Harry Nukkle: But you just *had* an upgrade! / Miss Match: A new mousepad is not an upgrade. / Harry Nukkle: Still... your computer works just fine. / Miss Match: Here's what I want. Just requisition it. / Miss Match: And this time, I want a real computer, Harry. / Harry Nukkle: Your last one was a Dell! / Miss Match: I peeled off the Dell sticker and found the Fisher-Price logo! / Harry Nukkle: Doesn't it play a Dell song on start-up? / Miss Match: That "Hi-Ho-The-Merry-O" song does't make it a dell!
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050928.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic [[Scene: A dungeon-looking area, with a sign reading "Evil Inc. Department of Magic & Occult Study"] / One-Eyed Creature [[leading Miss Match down the halls]]: Most employees don't know this department exists. Did you have trouble finding us? / Miss Match: No... I just followed the stench of rotting entrails and decay. / Miss Match: Um. No offense. / One-Eyed Creature: None taken. / One-eyed Creature: It's not as if we *asked* to have our department located next to the cafeteria.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050929.html
 
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Witch [[gazing into crystal ball]]: The secret ball of surreption knows all secrets and shrouded facts. / Miss Match: What is Captain Heroic's weakness? / [[The crystal ball reveals a lit bomb.]] / Miss Match: Captain Heroic is vulnerable to a simple explosive?!? / Witch: I think I need to re-boot. / [[Witch prepares to kick the pedestal on which the ball rests]] / Miss Match: Isn't it amazing how technology has affected how we do everything?!
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20050930.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Lightning Lady [[on phone]]: Evil Inc., how may I misdirect your call? / Lightning Lady: You accidentally pulled the pin on one of our hand grenades?! OK. Stay calm. It won't explode as long as your hand is on the safety lever. / Lightning Lady: I'm going to connect you with one of our emergency technicians. They'll walk you through a disarmament procedure. / Lightning Lady: Please hold ... Tightly.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051001.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Witch [[gazing into crystal ball]]: Show me Captain Heroic's weakness! / Miss Match: A green dot? / Miss Match: Did your crystal ball crash again? / Witch: Nope. It's working fine. / Miss Match: A green dot. Captain Heroic is vulenrable to a green dot?!! / Witch: The crystal ball does not lie! / [[Scene change: Captain Heroic's suburban dining room]] / Captain Heroic's Son: Look, dad! I can squish peas between my fingers! / Captain Heroic [[looking queasy]]: Please don't.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051003.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Captain Heroic [[in civilian guise, reading to his son]]: "Shark's skeletons are made out of cartilage." / Captain Heroic's Son: What's that? / Captain Heroic: Cartilage is that soft stuff in your nose. / [[Silence, as both sit there a moment]] / Captain Heroic's Son: Sharks are made out of boogers?!
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051004.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Captain Heroic's Son: Dad! Come to the back yard -- Quick! My pet shark is sick! / Captain Heroic [[in civilian identity]]: Maybe he needs a nurse shark. / Captain Heroic's Son: Daddy! Stop joking! He's in the pool and he's sick! / Captain Heroic: Ok, ok, what kinda shark *is* he? / Captain Heroic's Son [[outside, speaking to a shark in his kiddie pool]]: It's no use. Daddy says you're a figure of speech.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051005.html
 
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Fish [[on phone]]: Hi hon. Oh, your son's doing fine. / Fish: He's still on his obsession with sharks. We've been reading about them all day. / Fish [[about to be swallowed]]: Have I encouraged him to *pretend* he's a shark? / [Cut to the Heroic home] / Captain Heroic [[in civilian guise, with son gnawing on his leg]]: / That's a good question. I'd put him on the phone to answer it himself...but his mouth is full.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051006.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Shark [Captain Heroic's Son]: The Great White Shark's tummy is grumbling. / Fish [Captain Heroic]: Maybe he ate someone who disagreed with him. / Shark: Very funny, daddy. / [[Small goldfish float in the upper corner]] / Shark: The Great White Shark smells... food! / Shark: His favorite! GOLDFISH! / [Scene change: the kitchen table] / Captain Heroic: Would the Great White like some broccoli? / Captain Heroic's Son [[tossing goldfish crackers into his mouth]]: Feeding frenzies are rarely interrupted on account of broccoli.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051007.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Captain Heroic [[on phone, in civilian garb]]: Hi honey... we're just finishing up lunch. / Captain Heroic: The good news is his obsession with sharks has made it so I don't have any trouble getting him to brush his teeth. The bad news...? / [[Captain Heroic's son, still imitating a shark, is biting his toothbrushes in half and spitting them out] / Captain Heroic: We need to start buying toothbrushes in bulk.
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051008.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic [[Evil Inc. sign looms in background]] / Loathsome Lobster: Stand aside, land dweller! I will have audience with Evil Atom NOW! / Lightning Lady: No one gets by without an appointment! / Loathsome Lobster: But I am the *Loathsome Lobster*! / Lightning Lady: You're alligator chow, pal! / [[Lightning Lady presses a button, as Loathsome Lobster plunges through the trap door]] / Lightning Lady: And you ~ in the shadows with the flowers! You're *next! / Keagan [in shadows]: ! / Lightning Lady: Keagan! It's you! How sweet! You brought me flowers! Let me water them! / Keagan: I think I just *did*!
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051010.html
Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic Lightning Lady: You made reservations at Chez Lex?! This is *the* top dining spot for super-villains! / Maitre d': Newborne... Table for Two? / Maitre d': I'm sorry, sir... we have a very strict dress policy. / Keagan [[pulling out a tie]]: Not to worry, my good man... I expected as much. Voila! / Maitre d' [[reaching behind counter]]: Um. No. I may have something, though... / Maitre d' [[displaying a flowing cape]]:Voila!
http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051011.html
 

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