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| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - Daily Super-Villain Webcomic and Comics Blog | [[EVIL ATOM and KATE are shutting down the party. ATOM smiles and waves.]]
/ EVIL ATOM: Good night, everyone! Fly safely! / VESPIDAE: Don'tcha hate this holiday? As a single woman, I always feel awkward when all the couples pair off and count down to midnight to share a kiss. / LIGHTNING LADY {{who is unattached at New Year's for the first time since the strip started}}: Oh, I found a way to deal with it this year... / [[MEMO staggers across a tabletop. He has a big blue lipstick impression in LIGHTNING LADY's usual shade.]]
/ MEMO: Whoa. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100101.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Lightning Lady: Evil Inc... How may I harm you?
/ Lightning Lady: This call MAY be recorded for quality assurance. / Caller: It MAY be recorded for quality assurance?
/ Caller: Does that mean there's another possible reason? / Lightning Lady: Well... it MAY be recorded for comedy assurance.
/ Caller: Huh? / Lightning Lady: You guys say the darnedest things when you're on hold. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100102.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Lightning Lady: Evil Inc... How may I harm you?
/ Lightning Lady: This call MAY be recorded for quality assurance. / Caller: It MAY be recorded for quality assurance?
/ Caller: Does that mean there's another possible reason? / Lightning Lady: Well... it MAY be recorded for comedy assurance.
/ Caller: Huh? / Lightning Lady: You guys say the darnedest things when you're on hold. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100102.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - Daily Super-Villain Webcomic and Comics Blog | [[A clerk in a Bankruptcy Court office is on the phone.]]
/ CLERK: Sir...filing Chapter Eleven allows a business to seek protection from its creditors. / [[At the other end is a BANK EXECUTIVE, who is cowering behind his desk as a determined and powered-up EVIL ATOM throws the door open.]]
/ EXECUTIVE: I know! But there must be a CHAPTER that works the other way AROUND! http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100104.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - Daily Super-Villain Webcomic and Comics Blog | DEATH FOG: Despite your efforts, Evil Inc is still teetering on the brink. We need to consider cutbacks. / EVIL ATOM: Most of my employees are armed with sharp weapons. Last time we had cut-backs, they cut-back-BACK. / DEATH FOG: Still. There may [be] some departments that are under-performing. Allow me to do an audit. / EVIL ATOM: Fine. Which department will you start with?
/ DEATH FOG: "Resurrected-Villain Re-acclimation." At least if we terminate THEM, they know they'll be back. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100105.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[The waiting area outside the Department of Villain Re-acclimation.]]
/ CAVEMAN: So, there I was, frozen in a glacier until slowly being melted out...
/ ZOMBIE: So, yeah...Apart from a little decomposition, I'm doing OK...
/ GENERAL IMMORTUS: 'Course, they robbed only the finest body parts to re-animate me...
/ VAMPIRE: Try mouldering in a grave for a century or two...
/ [[A DEPARTMENT EMPLOYEE with a forced smile brings out a huge bowl of mints.]]
/ EMPLOYEE: Mint...? http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100106.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | SWINGER: I was placed in a cryogenic chamber in 1973. I don't know if I can get used to a new millennium! / [[He has a Fu Manchu mustache and long sideburns. He's wearing a sleeveless shirt with a big collar, open to the waist, with string closures. He's got a bunch of gold chains around his neck, one of which has a peace-symbol medallion. He belt buckle is huge and his pants are purple-and-gray striped. Probably bell-bottoms, too.]]
/ SWINGER: I mean...back then...the country was in the grip of an economic crisis...health-care costs and joblessness were skyrocketing...America was hopelessly dependent on foreign oil... / [[The COUNSELOR puts her arm around him reassuringly.]]
/ COUNSELOR: I've got good news... http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100107.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[The Re-acclimation COUNSELOR and DEATH FOG. DEATH FOG is taking notes.]]
/ COUNSELOR: We deal with some real cases in the Villian Re-acclimation Department. / COUNSELOR: From resurrection to reconstruction...our clients have all been killed and have come back. We help them face the modern world. / COUNSELOR: Some client beg to be put BACK into oblivion. This special room allows them a few minutes of stimulus-free peace.
/ [[Through the glass, we see a sleeping man hanging by his suspenders from a hook attached to the ceiling.]]
/ SLEEPING MAN: < http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100108.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - Daily Super-Villain Webcomic and Comics Blog | LIGHTNING LADY: Evil Inc...How may I harm you?
/ PHONE VOICE: Bran... / PHONE VOICE: Bran! BRAN!! Braaaaaaaaaannn! BRAAANNNN! / PHONE VOICE (really loud): BRAN! / LIGHTNING LADY: Oh! I get it! You're a vegetarian zombie! http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100109.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - Daily Super-Villain Webcomic and Comics Blog | [[Still at the Department of Villain Re-acclimation. The COUNSELOR and DEATH FOG.]]
/ COUNSELOR: You can't close this department. So many villains DEPEND on us. / [[They approach a man who resembles GEN. IMMORTUS, only less wrinkled.]]
/ COUNSELOR: We take villains who have returned from death, and we help them adapt to the modern world. / IMMORTUS (very loudly and enthusiastically): WAZZUP! / [[They walk on.]]
/ COUNSELOR: I mean...our work here is never done...
/ IMMORTUS (downcast): Shazbot. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100111.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | COUNSELOR: Maybe you'd like to sit in on one of our sessions. It's time for the Colonel's appointment. / COUNSELOR: Many villains who come back from the dead insist on holding on to old traditions. For the Colonel, it was his monocle.
/ [[She holds up a picture of THE COLONEL wearing his monocle, which is on a chain.]] / COUNSELOR: We told him about contact lenses...And how is that going, Colonel? They take some getting-used-to, don't they? / [[THE COLONEL turns to face us and we see he has a chain coming out of his right eye. He looks quite uncomfortable.]]
/ COLONEL: J-ja. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100112.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | COUNSELOR: Colonel, I'm afraid you got your contact lens confused with your monocle again.
/ [[He still has the chain coming out of his right eye.]] / COLONEL: I--I'm going to need some help getting the accursed thing out. / COUNSELOR: OK...OK...I think I have an idea. / COUNSELOR: "Subscription web site."
/ [[THE COLONEL's eyes open wide in shock and the lens pops out.]]
/ <<*pop* WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!>> http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100113.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - Daily Super-Villain Webcomic and Comics Blog | COUNSELOR: Our department is doing important work to help re-acclimate villains who have returned from the dead. / COUNSELOR: Take Scarab, here, a silver-age bad guy who was resurrected exactly four weeks ago. And he's come so far!
/ SCARAB: I have an e-mail address! / [[SCARAB proudly holds up a CD.]]
/ SCARAB: A.O.L. / COUNSELOR: You see what we're up against. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100114.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - Daily Super-Villain Webcomic and Comics Blog | [[The VAMPIRE's re-acclimation counseling session.]]
/ VAMPIRE: So...he cornered me in the fireplace with holy water, and then exposed me to sunlight. / VAMPIRE: I spent the better part of the century as so much soot inside a chimney. / [[Striking a dramatic pose.]]
/ VAMPIRE: No one understands what that does to a person...No one appreciates it. / VAMPIRE: It's a huge headache.
/ COUNSELOR: ...or a bad case of the flue. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100115.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | LIGHTNING LADY: Evil Inc...How may I harm you?
/ PHONE VOICE: I think you were the victim of a prank call. / LIGHTNING LADY: Really? Who?
/ PHONE VOICE: The guy who claimed to be a vegetarian zombie. / PHONE VOICE: Remember? He kept saying "Bran...BRAAAAAN..." Dead giveaway.
/ LIGHTNING LADY: So what do YOU think a vegetarian zombie would say? / PHONE VOICE: GRAIIIINNNSS! http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100116.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | QU'XXR: So, I decided that after being cryogenically frozen for fifty years, I was ready to hatch my first evil plot...poisoning the city reservoir.
/ COUNSELOR: Great! How'd it go? / QU'XXR: I took a sample of the water to gauge the amount of toxins I'd need. / QU'XXR: The water was so polluted, I'd need three years to purify it before I could even think about introducing a proper poison. / QU'XXR: It's just so...so...*sob*
/ COUNSELOR: Now, now...You know what we say... / QU'XXR: We can't destroy the world we used to live in...
/ COUNSELOR: ...we can only destroy the parts of the world that haven't been destroyed already. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100118.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | EVIL ATOM (on the phone): So, you've decided not to cut the Department of Villain Re-acclimation? ... How come? / DEATH FOG: She can take something that was dead for decades and make it alive again. / [[We see DEATH FOG in silhouette. He appears to be out of costume.]]
/ DEATH FOG: For that, alone, she deserves to have her department. / [[DEATH FOG is in bed with the head of the Department of Villain Re-acclimation.]]
/ COUNSELOR: That was very sweet, Thaddius.
/ DEATH FOG: ...And I meant every word... http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100119.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | DEATH FOG (on the phone again): I'm still certain we can identify departments that are extraneous to company needs.
/ EVIL ATOM: That's good... / EVIL ATOM: ...at this point, every little bit helps. / [[DEATH FOG enters the Department of Evil Robots.]]
/ DEATH FOG: I'm not so sure about that...
/ [[One robot is holding a human still with its extendible arms, while another approaches the human menacingly. Its head is a power drill...with a little bit.]] http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100120.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | DEATH FOG (on the phone again): I've found a department to CUT: The Department of Expository Monologues.
/ EVIL ATOM: Why them? / DEATH FOG: Well, it all started when I was a novice villain, I met a man named Casey Simon.
/ [[Behind him is a sepia-toned image of a young DEATH FOG talking to CASEY SIMON.]] / DEATH FOG: Casey took a shine to my girlfriend, the daughter of oil tycoon Richard McMurtey. / [[Sepia-toned image of RICHARD MCMURTEY talking on the phone. He has a picture of himself and his daughter on his desk.]] / DEATH FOG: One night, on returning to my lair, I found a note from Old Man McMurtey's secretary, who had a secret crush on me...and...and...
/ [[Sepia image of DEATH FOG's hand holding a note that starts, "Dear Thad,"]] / [[Pull back to reveal that the sepia-toned images are on a scroll behind DEATH FOG and...CASEY SIMON.]]
/ DEATH FOG: And WHAT?! Was the secretary CUTE?! C'MON!
/ SIMON: Not one more page until we get our funding back! http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100121.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | EVIL ATOM (on the phone): So, you've decided against cutting the Department of Hypnotics and Evil Mind Control? / DEATH FOG: Listen. These guys are doing important work.They're crucial to the success of Evil Inc. We gotta keep 'em. / [[As in the strip of 1/19/10, we see DEATH FOG in silhouette and apparently out of uniform.]]
/ OFFPANEL VOICE: Very sweet... / [[DEATH FOG is in bed with a top-hatted, pencil-mustached HYPNOTIST, who gestures hypnotically. DEATH FOG is in his thrall.]]
/ HYPNOTIST: ...and you meant every word... http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100122.html |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100123.html">http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100123.html | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - Daily Super-Villain Webcomic and Comics Blog | DANDY: Have you seen Lightning Lady?
/ VESPIDAE: She knocked off early to try "speed dating." / [[LIGHTNING LADY at home. Doorbell rings.]]
/ < http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100125.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | VESPIDAE: How did speed dating go? / LIGHTNING LADY: If the goal was to see how fast you could make a man run away, I think I won.
/ VESPIDAE (offpanel): They ran away from YOU?
/ LIGHTNING LADY: Powerful women are intimidating to men. Adding lightning bolts doesn't help. / VESPIDAE: See...That's your problem. You need a dating service for people like...us... / [[Close on computer monitor displaying a website.]]
/ LIGHTNING LADY (offpanel): Fiendfinder.com?
/ PROFILE FORM: I am a (SOCIOPATH)
/ Seeking a (PSYCHOTIC)
/ Age range (18) and (Eternity)
/ Lair (Fortified)
/ Cape? (No)
/ Minion Count (est) (234) http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100126.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | LIGHTNING LADY: I don't want to put my photo on a dating site!
/ VESPIDAE: Rules of engagement. Men are attracted eyes-first. / [[VESPIDAE hands LIGHTNING LADY a couple of pictures.]]
/ VESPIDAE: So choose one.
/ LIGHTNING LADY: You cropped these pretty tight.
/ VESPIDAE: We've only got a few pixels. / LIGHTNING LADY: You can't see anything above my shoulders or below my rib cage.
/ [[VESPIDAE's grin is getting larger by the panel.]] / [[LIGHTNING LADY and VESPIDAE, face-to-face, in profile from the waist up.]]
/ LIGHTNING LADY: I mean, these photos could be ANYONE!
/ VESPIDAE: Y'know...I really think you believe that, too. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100127.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | VESPIDAE: You've got about four hundred responses to your dating site profile!
/ LIGHTNING LADY: I've got "E-male!" / LIGHTNING LADY: Read one!
/ VESPIDAE: Okay. This one is from "SexyLexy." It says, "Dear LL263...I saw your picture and..." / [[The monitor suddenly catches fire...]]
/ < http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100128.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | LIGHTNING LADY: What's that?
/ VESPIDAE: Someone's inviting you to a live chat on this dating site. Sit down and type. / [[LIGHTNING LADY starts typing. Her messages and her match's responses are in a screen-text font.]]
/ LIGHTNING LADY: Um. Hi.
/ < http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100129.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | LIGHTNING LADY: Evil Inc...How may I harm you?
/ PHONE VOICE: I have a complaint about this Evil Inc book: "The Homeopathic Sociopath." / PHONE VOICE: It says that oranges are good for stopping nosebleeds. / PHONE VOICE: And...they ARE...but there are so many better ways! / LIGHTNING LADY: Sweetie...You know you're supposed to EAT them, right? http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100130.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[OSCAR, in his battle armor, is running from a Tyrannosaurus Rex.]]
/ CAPTION: When last we left our hero, he was busy evading a ferocious Tyrannosaurus. But he couldn't help feeling as if he was missing something...
/ T-REX: RAWRRR! / TEACHER (offpanel): Can anyone tell Oscar what he's missing?
/ [[OSCAR snaps back to reality. He's standing at the front of his classroom.]] / CRANIAC: When evading a larger pursuer, never run in a straight line.
/ [[Pull back to reveal the teacher, MR. REX, who is a full-size T-Rex.]]
/ MR. REX: It's OK, kid...You'll get it. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100201.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[Lunchtime at the Evil Inc. Charter School. CRANIAC, a VAMPIRE KID, a ROBOT KID, OSCAR and ZIWWA.]]
/ CRANIAC: I'm going to be the world's most powerful man.
/ When I grow up, I will develop a worm that enters people's bodies through their noses and secretes a psycho-hallucinogenic drug onto their cerebellums.
/ Everyone will obey me, and I will obey NO ONE.
/ OFFPANEL VOICE: ...except me. / CRANIAC: Oh, really? And what's your power? / RACHEL: I'm going to grow up to be the world's most beautiful woman.
/ ROBOT KID, OSCAR, ET AL: EWWWWW!!
/ ROBOT KID: Geez!
/ OSCAR: Gross!
/ ZIWWA: tryin' to eat here... http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100202.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | OSCAR: Are you REALLY going to be the world's most beautiful woman?
/ RACHEL: One of 'em. / RACHEL: You boys don't get it. There's something more powerful than giant creatures or death rays or lazer beams or force fields... / RACHEL (puts her hands on OSCAR's shoulders and fixes a steely gaze on him): And that's love, Oscar....love. / RACHEL: AND I'M GOING TO USE IT TO CONTROL THE ENTIRE WORLD! http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100203.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[OSCAR heads for a door with a sign that says "No girls aloud."]]
/ VOICE (from behind the door): Get in here before SHE sees you. / [[In a lecture hall, CRANIAC is addressing the assembled boys from the podium.]]
/ CRANIAC: Men, we are faced with this...this GIRL whose threats of biological warfare can only be taken as hostile. / CRANIAC: But I've been working--day and night--on countermeasures, and I think I've found a way we can stop her. / [[CRANIAC throws back his head and cuts loose with an epic--]]
/ < http://evil-comic.com/archive/20100204.html |
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