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| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Dr. Muskiday: Ahhh, Lightning Lady! How are you?
/ Lightning Lady: Dr. Muskaday! Meet my boyfriend, Keagan. / Dr. Muskiday: Pleased to mee-Oooh! The vichyssoise! I've heard it's marvelous here! May I have a taste?
/ Keagan: Umm. I guess ... / Dr. Muskiday: Sip. / Dr. Muskiday: Yum! Sssip. Sssip. Sssip. / Keagan: Waiter! There's my soup in a fly!
/ Dr. Muskiday: Ssslurp! http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051012.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [["Chez Lex" sign on window in background]]
/ Keagan: Um, it is safe for a civilian to eat in here, isn't it?
/ Lightning Lady: Sure. Why? / Keagan: Well, they just rolled a diner out of here on a gurney. / Lightning Lady: That wasn't a diner, that was dinner. Those vampires are celebrating an anniversary.
/ Male Vampire [off-panel]: I love ya, y'old bat!
/ Female Vampire [[off-panel]]: Awwwww. Two straws! http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051013.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Keagan [[to the maitre 'd]]: I know this establishment caters to supervillains, but I have a complaint! / [[Shot of Dr. Sivana seated in a booth]]
/ Keagan: That evil scientist has been staring at us since we were seated, smiling this annoying, half-smile. / Keagan: It's distracting ~ Him and his snotty, superior smile. Could you please move us to another table? / Maitre' d: Francois... Clear a table in the no-smirking section. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051014.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[Exterior shot of Chez Lex]]
/ Keagan: So. how's work, sweetie?
/ Lightning Lady: Not bad, but I *knew* I could be a good receptionist. / [[Return to restaurant interior]]
/ Lightning Lady: I just think I'm ready for a bigger challenge.
/ Keagan: Are you considering full-fledged villainy? / Lightning Lady: No, I'm more comfortable behind the scenes of the crimes.
/ Keagan: So tell your boss you're ready for more responsibility. / Lightning Lady: Keagan, at Evil Inc., responsibility isn't something you "take," it's something you "claim." http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051015.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Mr. Nukkel: [[his eyes float in the air, next to Miss Match's desk. The rest of his body is nowhere to be seen.]] Well...have you come up with a scheme for Dr. Haynus?
/ Miss Match: [[looking around the room]] Huh? WHA-? / Mr. Nukkel: You heard me, Match.
/ Miss Match: I hate it when you do that. I designed a battle tank. They're testing it now. / Mr. Nukkel: Is he happy?
/ Miss Match: I'll call... / Tank Engineer #1: [[as he watches Dr. Haynus use the tank's wheel for a urinal]] I dunno. He's still tinkling on the tires. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051017.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Tank Engineer #1: We've had a set-back. Dr. Haynus doesn't have opposable thumbs, so he can't drive the tank.
/ Miss Match: Great! What am I supposed to tell my boss?
/ Tank Engineer #2: Don't worry! We found him a designated driver! / Dr. Haynus: *sigh* Now what?
/ Dr. Muskiday: I can't drive a stick shift. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051018.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Dr. Haynus: Ok, Muskiday, let's put this battle tank to the test.
/ Dr. Muskiday: Sure. Just as soon as I adjust the mirror and fasten my seatbelt. / Dr. Haynus: You're a Villain. Please act like it.
/ [[music playing on the tank's stereo, "~Popular! You're gonna be Pop-uuUU-LAR!~"]]
/ Dr. Haynus: Please tell me we're not listening to show tunes.
/ Dr. Muskiday: It's the cast recording of "Wicked." http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051019.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Dr. Muskiday: We're travelling at a perfectly reasonable speed.
/ Dr. Haynus: We're getting passed by Octogenarians. / Dr. Muskiday: Maniacs.
/ Dr. Haynus: Floor it! / Dr. Muskiday: Okay. I'll put the hammer down...a little. / < http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051020.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Officer: Sixty-five in a thirty?! Where's the fire?
/ Dr. Muskiday: The wha-?
/ Dr. Haynus: The fire. FIRE! / Dr. Muskiday: Oh. No problem. [[Officer looks on as Dr. Muskiday fires a shell at his car.]] / Dr. Muskiday: The jerk gave us a ticket even after we produced a perfectly acceptable fire. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051021.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Tank Engineer: They're bringing the tank back in.
/ Miss Match: But do they like it? / Voice: "One out of three ain't bad." [[Said as we see the tank being driven by Muskiday, as Dr. Haynus is being stuck outside the passenger window by his dog host-body...who is currently enjoying the breeze.]] http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051022.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Lightning Lady [[enters office]]: Good News, Sir! You know how you told me Dr. Haynus has been trying to unseat you as CEO?
/ Evil Atom: Yes? [[Mouths pencil eraser]] / Lightning Lady: It looks like he has a new obsession: Captain Heroic! He’s having Miss Match develop a plot to attack him. [[Evil Atom observes eraser head on.]] / [[Dr. Muskiday and Dr. Haynus observing through a viewscreen Evil Atom’s eye.]] / Evil Atom: Good. He can’t take aim at both of use at the same time, can he? [[Scratches self rump under belt with pencil]] < http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051024.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Lightning Lady: [[talking to a short lizard that's wearing a suit and tie]] I'm looking for Miss Match.
/ Lizard: She's on a smoking break. / Lightning Lady: Funny. I didn't have her pegged for a smoker.
/ Lizard: She's not / [[Miss Match is standing outside, in the middle of a group of people holding lit cigarettes...her body outlined in flames.]] http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051025.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Lightning Lady: Miss Match, Evil Atom wants to see you in his office.
/ [[four guys standing near Miss Match]] Oooooooooooohhh! TROU~BLE! You're in TRU~BUULLLL! / Miss Match: Grow up, you guys! You make it sound like I'm being called to the Principal's office! / Miss Match: Let's hurry. I don't want to be tardy. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051026.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Evil Atom: Miss Match, do you know why you're here?
/ Miss Match: If this is about the ghost employee, I don't know how that money keeps ending up in my bank account.
/ Evil Atom: Um...ghost employee?! / Miss Match: You...you didn't know?
/ Evil Atom: Heh. I know more than you think. We have lots of "ghosts" in the payroll. Only a few are legit. / Evil Atom: Miss Match, I hear you're working on a scheme to help Dr. Haynus defeat Captain Heroic. We both know why that can't happen, don't we? / Miss Match: Do you really expect me to fall for that again?
/ Evil Atom: Not a ghost of a chance. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051027.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Miss Match: It's agreed. I'll make sure Dr. Haynus loses to Captain Heroic.
/ Evil Atom: No no no! That's not what I want! / Miss Match: Surely you don't want him to win!
/ Evil Atom: No, but his supervillain street cred goes up even if he loses! / Miss Match: No problem. When Haynus faces Heroic, I'll just see to it that he doesn't win OR lose! Piece of cake...
/ Evil Atom: Good. Do that. / Evil Atom: I like that attitude! It's positive! "Can do!" "Take charge!"
/ Miss Match: [[to herself]] I'm POSITIVE I have to stop using sarcasm in front of management. Maybe I can do hypnosis. I wonder if hypnotists take charge cards. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051028.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Lightning Lady: Evil Incorporated...How may I misdirect your call?
/ Caller: Are there any job openings there?
/ Lightning Lady: I can take your information, Mister... / Caller: AMAZO...I read minds...and Amazo is a perfectly good name for a psychic!
/ Lightning Lady: Wow! You ARE good! You read my mind! / Caller: I can start next week...and it's "Psychic" -- Not "Psychotic!"
/ Lightning Lady: Ok...that time I wasn't thinking anything. / Caller: Oops. Sorry. Ok...maybe it's a little bit of both. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051029.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[Nolan is working at his computer in his cubicle]]
/ Nolan: Always the last minute rush job in this place! They had the information for days, but suddenly this report has to be done in a half an hour! / [[Evil Atom starts passing by]]
/ Nolan: How am I going to this in ti- Oh no, Not him. Not now. / [[Evil Atom leans on cubicle wall]]
/ Nolan: Oh God. He's going to yup me. I just know he's gonna yup me. Oh, please. Not today... / Evil Atom: YYYYYYUUUP! I remember when this entire department was one man: Sid Markowitz. Did you know Sid had an ulcerated ear?
/ Nolan:[[Thinking]] AARRGH! http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051031.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Evil Atom: ...but that was before death rays were perfected. I ended up with some acute melancholy.
/ [[Nolan looks interested]]
/ Nolan:Hmm. Mmm-hmmm
/ Nolan:[[Thinking]] Please leave me alone. I have work to do. / Evil Atom: Melancholy. You kids don't get melancholy, do you. You probably get "bummers" or somethin'.
/ [[Nolan smiles forcibly and starts to sweat slightly]]
/ Nolan:Yeah! Tell me about it!
/ Nolan:[[Thinking]] Smile and nod. Ambiguous response. Smile and nod. / Evil Atom: Y'know, Kinicki over in sales takes pills for depression. Probably shouldn't be talking...
/ Nolan:[[Smiling happily]] Heh, I'll be darned.
/ Nolan:[[Thinking]] Shouldn't be talking? Did he say he shouldn't be talking? Joy! / Evil Atom: I mean, I take a pill for my prostrate that would choke a horse.
/ [[Nolan smiles even more forcibly, starts sweating considerably and his eyes look like they will pop out]]
/ Nolan: Wow. That's something.
/ Nolan:[[Thinking]]: I can't keep smiling like this. My face is gonna implode. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051101.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Evil Atom: ...It's impossible to get spaghetti stains out of spandex. I mean, it ju...
/ Nolan: [[talking to himself]] He's been talking nonstop for twenty minutes. My report is due in ten minutes. / Nolan: [[talking to himself]] This is serious. I need to find a closure sentence. / Evil Atom: But that's what people don't understand. Everyone has their responsibility. I have a job. You have a job...
/ Nolan: [[talking to himself]] Holy~! There it is!! / Nolan: Yeah...speaking of which, I'd better get back to mine or I'll end up back in Accounts Receivable sitting next to Dynagirl. / Evil Atom: Yeah. I hear she got demoted. Did you ever hear why? Do you remember when she got that new costume? The one with the peephole collar? Well, it just so happens...
/ Nolan: [[to himself]]Rookie mistake! Never leave an opening in your closure! http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051102.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Evil Atom: [[talking to himself in the background...]] I was inches from making my escape, and who jumps through the win...sidekick. It's...e sidekick.
/ Department Manager: Nolan! Where's that report?!
/ Nolan: I...um... / Evil Atom: I was just looking for you, Oculore. You know your department has the lowest productivity in the building?
/ Dept. Manager, Oculore: Yes Sir. My top man is doing a report on how we're going to change! / Evil Atom: Very good. I'm very eager to read it.
/ Oculore: [[looking at Nolan]] Give Mr. Atom the report.
/ Nolan: That's a funny story... / Evil Atom: This is no time for telling stories. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051103.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Oculore: FIRED?! You can't fire me because the report's not done!
/ Evil Atom: Your workers reflect your poor management. / Oculore: You haven't heard the last of me.
/ Nolan: Should I gather my personal belongings now?
/ Evil Atom: Definitely. / Evil Atom: And when you're done, take them to your former boss' office. You've been promoted. / Evil Atom: I've been trying to get rid of that guy for ages. I couldn't have done it without your help. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051104.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Lightning Lady: Evil, Inc., how may I misdirect your call? / Lightning Lady: I'm sorry to hear you've been on hold for an hour! I agree, it's completely unacceptable. / Lightning Lady: I'm going to connect you with the person in charge of the phone system so you can voice your complaint directly. / Lightning Lady: Please hold. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051105.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[A Man, 2-meter Earthworm, Robot, Alien, Vampire/Dracula, Pirate w/Parrot, and Devil gaze upon Lightning Lady and Miss Match as they walk down the all past cubicles. Each of the former with an appropriate cupid-shot-through heart metaphor visible.]]
/ [[To Lightning Lady.]] Miss Match: Maybe borrowing perfume from the Enchantress wasn’t such a good idea. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051107.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Iron Dragon: Hey, wait up! Do you remember me?
/ Miss Match: Should I? / Iron Dragon: Come on! How many guys do you stuff into vending machines when they act like jerks? / Miss Match: All of them. / Iron Dragon: You're the reason the Coke machine screams, aren't you? http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051108.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Man previously stuffed into vending machine: Listen, my name's Iron Dragon. I came on a little strong the first time we met and I'd like to apologize. I was just trying to stand out from all the other men.
/ Miss Match: Ok. / Iron Dragon: Great. I'd like to start all over...maybe over drinks at Chez Lex?
/ Miss Match: No thanks. I'm not interested. / Iron Dragon: You mean...you're not into men?
/ Miss Match: No. I mean I'm not into One Man in particular. / Miss Match: But you should be happy. You managed to Stand Out from all the others. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051109.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Iron Dragon: I'm serious! I was way out of line the first time we met and I want to apologize!
/ Miss Match: I already accepted your apology. / Iron Dragon: Good. Cause I want us to be friends.
/ Miss Match: Friends it is. / Iron Dragon: And what could be nicer than having a drink with a friend?
/ Miss Match: Nothing, I guess. / [[Two hands, each holding a glass, clink the glasses together.]]
/ Unknown Voice: Thanks! This has been nice! / [[Lightning Lady and Miss Match are sitting at a bar, holding drinks.]]
/ Miss Match: I know a good idea when I hear one. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051110.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Iron Dragon: Excuse me. My name's Iron Dragon. You know Miss Match, right? You're friends? Does she ever mention me?
/ Lightning Lady: She mentioned what she'd love to do to you. / Iron Dragon: R-Really?
/ Lightning Lady: Yeah. She said she'd love to wipe that fratboy smirk off your face. / Iron Dragon: Really? Are you sure it wasn't "like"? She said "love"? / Lightning Lady: Listen, just give me the "Do you like me, Yes, No." note and I'll give it to her in homeroom.
/ Iron Dragon: Very funny. http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051111.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | [[There stands a restroom door. Affixed to the door is the universal stick figure of a man. To the right is another door, this time with the universal stick figure of a female. Miss Match is curently walking of that restroom, looking to the right at a third restroom, which sports a "stick figure" of a 4 tentacled creature, as a bug-eyed, fish-like, tentacled creature walks into the third restroom.]] http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051112.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | TV announcer: Wal-mart missed profit expectations ... / TV announcer: Fueling fears of an economic slowdown. / TV announcer: And high gas prices have hurt spending. / TV announcer: But there's one winner on Wall Street ... / TV announcer: Shares of Evil Inc. increased / TV announcer: ... a whomping $11.30!! / TV announcer: ... the hard way.
/ Stock symbol: Burp! / [[This entire broadcast takes place with a crawl under the announcer showing stock prices. During the course of the broadcast, he stock symbol for Evil Inc jumps down and eats the numbers for the prices of the other stock symbols, thus increasing its own price.]] http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051114.html |
| Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic | Dr. Haynus [[on phone]]: Atom! Is your tv on?
/ Evil Atom: It is ... and I'm appalled. / Dr. Haynus: This is an outrage!
/ Evil Atom [[over phone]]: It's atrocious! / Dr. Haynus [[on phone]]: You have to do something! This demands immediate action on your part!
/ Evil Atom: You're right! / Evil Atom: That's the last time I tape "Laguna Beach!" Kristin is such a little brat! http://evil-comic.com/archive/20051115.html |
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