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|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||TV host: We're talking to Geoffrey Barnes of Perpetual Cash Managers, the investment group that has amassed a majority share in Evil Inc. / TV host: You're suggesting that the Evil Inc. board should sell the company off? Why? / Geoffrey Barnes: It's simple. I bought the stock when it was low and it has failed to rise. The only way to get a good return on our investment is to liquidate the company. / TV host: Does it bother you that you'll be putting people out of work? / Geoffrey Barnes: See this number? It could be higher! / TV host: Yes. Numbers are like that.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Dr. Haynus: Who IS this guy claiming to be the majority shareholder? / Evil Atom: I don't know. / Dr. Haynus: He says he told you he was concerned about the company's stock price last June. / Evil Atom: I don't remember that. / Anchorwoman on TV: What was the CEO's response? / Man on TV: He...um... gave me a "noogie." / Evil Atom: Oh! Oh my! That was him?! / Dr. Haynus: You remember?! Quick: details! / Evil Atom: He has a very flaky scalp.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Female Reporter: We're joined on the show by Evil Atom, CEO of Evil Inc.
/ Mr. Barnes claims the 20% profit margin of your company is not high enough... / Female Reporter: He says the stock price should be higher and so should profits. / [[To the left of the reporter are two small screens. In one screen sits Evil Atom. The second screen, to the right of Evil Atom, shows Mr. Barnes.]]
/ Female Reporter: How do you respond, Sir?
/ [[Evil Atom looks over at Mr. Barnes as Evil Atom's fist appears in the screen with Mr. Barnes, while the reporter looks on. <
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Silhouetted figure: You let yourself get suckerpunched on live tv? / Geoffrey Barnes [[the majority shareholder of Evil Inc.]]: How'd he do that? We were in separate studios! / Silhouetted figure:You could see that punch coming a mile away! / Geoffrey Barnes: It was further than that! He was in another state! / Silhouetted figure:No ... I mean he telegraphed his punch! / Geoffrey Barnes: Oh. So it was a high-tech thing? / Silhouetted figure:Speaking of "other states", was I drunk when I hired you? / Geoffrey Barnes: C'mon Uncle Walt. Mom said you had to stop talking mean.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Lightning Lady: That copier has been buzzing non-stop all morning! / Miss Match: Well, when a company's majority shareholder suggests selling off the company, the employees have only one option. / Lightning Lady: Really? People are preparing their resumes in the office? / Miss Match: Those, too... / [[Sign on the wall shows a bullseye with "Bang Head Here". A company employee is walking by the copier, wearing a "For Sale" sign taped to his back, while another employee is eyeing a "Wanted" sign that has been printed by yet another employee.]]|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||[[A company memo: From the Office of Evil Atom
/ This memo is to inform the employees of a company wide meeting to be held this afternoon to discuss the state of the company.]] / Evil Atom: We have tough choices to make. / Evil Atom: ...To bring profit margins up, we're faced with drastic measures...even LAYOFFS. / <
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Lightning Lady: Hey, Stu, why the long face, buddy? / Stu: I'm from the Gamma Quadrant of Alpha Major. We ALL have elongated skulls. / Lightning Lady: I'm sorry. What I meant was "Why do you look so sad?" / Stu: I'm having trouble with my job search, I've tried career-builder.com... craigslist.org... all of them! / Lightning Lady: Have you tried Monster? / Stu: No... Maybe I should. / Monster: I.T. Guy, huh? Well, I'll try... / Stu: Thanks.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||[[Stu's home. Door in background. Stu's wife stands next to stove, with spoon in hand. A tentacle spills out of the pot on the stove.]]
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Lightning Lady: Evil Inc. How may I misdirect your call? I'm sorry, Evil Atom is in a meeting with the board of directors. / Lightning Lady: That's right. They're trying to decide what to do about the majority shareholder who is proposing they sell off the company. / Evil Atom: O.K. ... Is "keel-haul" hyphenated?|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||<
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||[Scene: Miss Match's Office] / Harry the Chameleon: Doin' a little personal web surfing? / Miss Match: Ummm...I was just checking the company Intranet. / Harry the Chameleon: Why is only HALF your screen on the company site? / Miss Match (thought bubble):@#$%&!ing FRAMES! / Miss Match: Wait! That's it! / Harry the Chameleon: Don't change the subject from your innapropriate use of company equipment. / Miss Match: You wanna see some TRULY inappropriate use?|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Dr. Muskiday: The stasis field is unstable. It cannot be tested on humans, so I'll demonstrate on the intern.
/ Intern: Huh? / [[Intern is struck with a blast from the stasis field generator]]
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||[[Dr. Muskiday sitting at computer. Miss Match standing next to him.]] / Miss Match: What makes your stasis field unstable? / Dr. Muskiday: The energy matrix must be organized in the proper pattern -- A code, if you will. / [[Dr. Muskiday turns around in his chair. Miss Match is seen full-length.]] / Miss Match: Something like a computer code, maybe? / Dr. Muskiday: We actually TRIED that! / [[Dr. Muskiday puts his head in his hand.]] / Dr. Muskiday: We tried a number of systems -- Mac, Linux, Unix --They all failed. Suprisingly enough, the matrix that performed the best was the one based on WINDOWS. / [[Dr. Muskiday stands up, faces Miss Match.]] / Miss Match: It formed the most stable energy matrix? / Dr. Muskiday: No. Popped right away... But the target was detained for hours playing solitaire.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Miss Match: Gentlemen, with the help of Dr. Muskiday, I have devised a plan to defeat Captain Heroic... We're going to FRAME him. / Evil Atom: Hoo Boy! I have a Captain Heroic uniform in my basement and I can do his voice perfectly! My wife even says so! / Miss Match: Um. No. Dr. Muskiday will explain. / Dr. Muskiday: Based on Miss Match's recommendation, I have based the energy matrix for my stasis field generator on the HTML code for "frames." The result is a stable force field that will trap the target in a bubble in time and space. / Evil Atom: So... We can just... forget about that stuff about me pretending to be Captain Heroic for my wife... Right? / Miss Match: With a little luck.. And a good therapist...|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Miss Match: Our intern has volunteered to demostrate the stasis field.
/ Intern: You said you'd send those pictures to my mom. / <
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Dr. Haynus [[atop Scruffy, on communication radio]]: Dr. Muskiday.. I have a question about the stasis field unit... It's hooked up to the cerebreal interface between me and Scruffy, right? / Dr. Muskiday: Yes. Why? / Dr. Haynus: I think you attached the controls to the wrong brain. / / [[With a contented expression, Scruffy marches past an array of stasis ray victims: a squirrel, a cat, a mailman, and a fire hydrant.]] / Dr. Haynus: Call it a hunch.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Miss Match [[pointing to a map, addressing Dr. Haynus and Dr. Muskiday]]: I've charted out a very easy target for your first run - a jewelry store downtown. It's a simple job and certain to attract Captain Heroic. / Miss Match [[holding a sack]]: Muskiday, you're going too. You'll need this. / Dr. Muskiday: Ooh! I'm to be the "Bag Man," eh? / Miss Match: In a sense. Fairmount City has very strict "scooper" laws.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Captain Heroic's son: Again! Again!
/ Captain Heroic [[holding the book The Cat in the Hat]]: But that was the seventeenth time in a row! / [[Close-up of Captain Heroic's signal wrist-watch]]
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Captain Heroic [[on phone, holding his son]]: But mom! I have an importang job to do, and I kinda need to find a babby-sitter quick! / Captain Heroic's Mom [[voice]]: I'm sorry, dear. Your father and I are kinda busy. / Captain Heroic: You don't understand! There's a lot at stake here! / Captain Heroic's Mom [[voice]]: Don't be dramatic, sweetie. Here's your father. / Captain Heroic's Dad [[voice]]: Hi, son. How's your weather? We got some clouds here. / Captain Heroic: Partlycloudywithathirtypercentchanceofrain. NOW WHY CAN'T YOU BABYSIT FOR ME?!! / Captain Heroic's Dad [[voice]]: Son, your mom and I have lives, too. / [[Captain Heroic's parents, both in costume and in the air, fighting a blazing building, with mom aiming a firehose at the flames.]] / Captain Heroic's Dad [[carrying a woman to safety]]: ...And they need to be saved just as badly as yours do.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Captain Heroic: It looks like you're coming with Daddy. / Captain Heroic [[tying a mask around his son's face]]: And if you're gonna go super-heroing, I'd better give you one of these! / Captain Heroic's son: Daddy, there's no eye-holes in my mask! / Captain Heroic [[carrying his son on his shoulder]]: I know. If your mother knew I let you see violence, she'd kill me.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||[[Captain Heroic flying down for a landing, with his son in his arms]] / Captain Heroic: I'm here, Sergeant. Do we know which super-villain I'm fighting here? / Police Sergeant: It's a puppy dog with a very dangerous hat. / [[In silhouette, Captain Heroic and the sergeant stare at each other]] / Police Sergeant: Hey, if it were up to me, it'd be a homicidal clown or a fat guy dressed-up like an arctic waterfowl! / Captain Heroic [[hand over his face in disgust]]: Don't. Rub. It. In.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Lightning Lady [[on phone]]: Evil Inc., how may I misdirect your call? Oh, hello, Dr. Psycho... / Lightning Lady: Callin in sick again? OK... / Lightning Lady: Listen, I talked to the boss. You don't have to call in sick every morning. / Lightning Lady: After all, that's why we hired you.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||TV: ...chopper ten has live shots of the new villain... / Evil Atom [[on phone]]: Get me miss match. Now! / Chopper 10: The puppy seems to be headed uptown -- and so is CAPTAIN HEROIC! / Evil Atom [[on phone]]: Match! Didn’t you hear me say I didn’t want Haynus battling heroic?! Maybe I should use a few more Decibels! / Miss Match: [[on cell phone]]: It’s not the Decibels; it’s the Hertz. / Evil Atom: Oh...I’ve got a few of THOSE planned as well...|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Capt. Heroic: It’s O.K., I understand... really... / Dr. Haynus: It’s just... I don’t have total control of this thing... / Capt. Heroic: I had a dog when I was a kid. He did it to a nun once. / Dr. Haynus: Oh. Mortifying. / Capt. Heroic: Besides. It isn’t every day you start a life-or-death battle by getting your crotch sniffed. / Dr. Haynus: See? I knew it! you’re going to hold that over my head for the rest of the day, aren’t you? / Capt. Heroic: Not unless I want it sniffed again.|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Dr. Haynus: Let’s get down to it, Heroic. En guarde. / [[Scruffy, the dog carrying the brain of Dr. Haynus, hears an invisible note.]] / [[Scruffy turns and begins running away]] Dr. Haynus: Scruffy! get back here this instant! Stop! / Capt. Heroic: Now what would make a dog go like that? / [[Scruffy runs past sign pointing back to "Diamond Emporium... Jewelry" and in the direction of another sign that reads "ACME Fire Hydrant Manufacturers."]] Dr. Haynus: I told you to do that before we left!!|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Capt. Heroic: Thanks for watching my son, Sergeant. / Police Sergeant: Don’t make it a habit. I’m a cop; not a nanny. / Capt. Heroic: I’m sorry. Is there a problem? / Police Sergeant: You bet there is! I’m into that kid for fifty big ones! / Capt. Heroic's son: Hey. who told you to hit on seventeen? / Police Sergeant: You did, ya little con-man!! / Capt. Heroic's son: I’m only three years old! / Capt. Heroic: I’m sorry I ever taught you to play blackjack, you know that?|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Capt. Heroic's son: Daddy... will i have super-powers some day? / Capt. Heroic: I don’t know, son... / Capt. Heroic: it’s doesn’t really matter, though. I’ll always love you / anyway. / Capt. Heroic's son: And we can always take in rooftop sunsets together. / [[off-camera]]: How heart-warming. / [[off-camera]]: now, hand over that baby!|
|Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic||Lightning Lady [[on the phone]]: Evil Inc... how may I misdirect your call? / Lightning Lady: Jobs? well, we have an opening in the henchmen division right now. / Lightning Lady: But it only pays minimum wage. / Lightning Lady: You know what they say: “Crime doesn’t pay.” But it does offer an excellent health-and-dental package. / Lightning Lady: Well, of course you don’t think that’s important now...|
|Evil Inc||Miss Match: You heard me. Hand him over. / [[Capt. Heroic and son look on in amazement]] / Son: MOMMY!|
|Evil Inc.||Capt. Heroic: You’re taking a risk coming up here; what if we’re spotted? / Miss Match: I know, but I couldn't resist gloating over saving you. / Capt. Heroic: Save? Me? From the puppy? / Capt. Heroic: What was he going to do? Tinkle on my boot? Fetch the wrong newspaper / Miss Match: He could have zapped you into an impenetrable bubble in time and space. / Capt. Heroic: Oh. Bad dog. / Miss Match: The worst.|
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