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| First Comic | Elliot: Hello, I'm Elliot. This thing to my left is named Tedd.
/ Tedd: Sup. / Elliot: As you are probably aware, this is our first comic, and as you know, first comics always suck.
/ Tedd: Always. / Elliot: And of course, our first comic will be no exception.
/ Tedd: Yup. / Elliot: Oh, and in case you can't tell, Tedd's a guy.
/ Tedd: Hey!!! http://egscomics.com/d/20020121.html |
| Oink | Elliot: As you are painfully aware, we are still in the introductory stages of this comic.
/ Tedd: Which sucks. / Elliot: So to make things more interesting, we will now have bikini-clad women randomly in the background of our comics!!!!
/ Tedd: Hell yeah! / [[The two thrust their fists into the air, then there is an awkward pause as they stand waiting for something.]] / Elliot: C'mon, Sarah, that was your cue!
/ [[Sarah answers loudly from off-panel.]]
/ Sarah: I am not coming out like this, you pigs!!! http://egscomics.com/d/20020122.html |
| He Deserved That, Folks | Elliot: Hey. This is Sarah, the prude.
/ Sarah: Oh, I'm not a prude! / Tedd: Oh yeah?!?! Then STRIP!!!
/ Elliot: Oh crap... / < http://egscomics.com/d/20020123.html |
| A Noble Cause | Elliot: Bad news: The first story won't be ready to start until next week.
/ Tedd: What do we do until then? / Elliot: The one thing we can do, my friend... / Sign: The Get Sarah To Wear A Bikini Fund
/ Narrator: God speed, lads... http://egscomics.com/d/20020124.html |
| Title: Where DID that come from? | Sarah: The Get Sarah To Wear A Bikini Fund?!?! / Elliot: Well, you weren't doing it for free.
/ Tedd: So we figured we'd raise fifty bucks and see what happened.
/ Sign: The Get Sarah To Wear A Bikini Fund / Sarah: ...Do you know what time it is?
/ Elliot: Bikini time? / Sarah: Time to die...
/ Elliot: Where the hell did that hammer come from?!?! http://egscomics.com/d/20020125.html |
| If You Take Offense it's Your Own Dirty Mind's Fault | Dr. Germahn: Guten tag. I am a stereotypical German scientist. Many of you have wondered where the hell that hammer came from yesterday. The answer? Quite simple. / Dr. Germahn: You see, when a woman is offended, she can make a hammer appear out of nowhere to use in the task of pounding the offender. There is proof of this in several manga and anime. Allow me to demonstrate. / Dr. Germahn: Assistant, could you [CENSORED] my [CENSORED] with your [CENSORED]?
/ Amanda: Sure! / Dr. Germahn: Although one could call this demonstration a failure, I can definitely see it as a success. http://egscomics.com/d/20020126.html |
| EGS Story for Sunday, January 27, 2002 - Copyright 2002-08 Dan Shive | Sign: Moperville North
/ Elliot: Is it just me, or does the school look like it was made by tracing an image of Dan's old school in order to compensate for his inability to draw perspective well?
/ Tedd: It's you. Shut up. / Elliot: This is our school, Moperville North. We're juniors here, and...
/ Tedd: Why are we here?! It's a Sunday?!?! / Elliot: We're still taking care of intro stuff, Tedd.
/ Tedd: But that sucks!!! Isn't there anything better to do? / Elliot: Well, I suppose we could try to figure out what that German scientist said yesterday...
/ Tedd: "Assistant, could you [CENSORED] my [CENSORED] with your [CENSORED]?" / Elliot: Wow... Dude... That's just disturbing...
/ Tedd: Oh yeah? Well why don't you tell me some of your theories then! / Dr. Germahn: Actually, if you really want to know, I just asked her to clean my desk with her tooth brush.
/ Elliot: Now why the-- / Tedd: You mean your assistant is cleaning your desk with a tooth brush?! Like right now?! Can I watch?!
/ < http://egscomics.com/d/20020127.html |
| Not Again | Teacher: Now remember, class... The creation of goo is very important to all of your futures!!! / Tedd (off panel): Um, teach?
/ Teacher (thinking): Uh oh...
/ Teacher: Yes, tedd? / Tedd (off panel): Our goo kinda of came to life and slithered away... Is that bad? http://egscomics.com/d/20020128.html |
| Splip Splort Sploop | Tedd: I can't believe we're hunting goo...
/ Elliot: Well, it's your fault it's alive so keep looking / (off panel, could be Tedd or Elliot): Hey, there it is!!!
/ < http://egscomics.com/d/20020129.html |
| Bad Goo! You're Off the Team! | Elliot: Damn! Where did it escape to so quickly?!?! / [[The goo is getting in to a can of "steroids"]] / Elliot: I sense a disturbance in the goo...
/ Tedd: I thought i found it, but it turned out to be a sponge. http://egscomics.com/d/20020130.html |
| There's an Inside Joke in Here... | Tedd: This sucks! Everyone else has already gone home!
/ Elliot: We should split up; we'll find it faster that way. / Tedd: Split up?! Are you mad?! There's goo out there! Going alone is suicide!
/ Elliot: Oh, c'mon! It's goo! What are you afraid of? / Tedd: Um... er... goo makes me puke?
/ Elliot: Sure it does. Feh! It's just goo! How dangerous can it possibly be? / [[the goo is shown growing from a tiny blob with no facial features to a blob monster with eyes and teeth]] http://egscomics.com/d/20020131.html |
| So I Got Lazy With the Background After the First Panel. Got a Problem With That?! | Elliot (thinking): Where is this goo?! I wonder if it dried up or something... / Elliot (thinking): Maybe it ended up in the cafeteria-- HOLY CRAP!!! / Elliot: Um... hello, Mr. giant goo monster... any chance of me just leaving safely?
/ Goo: GRRRRR...
/ Elliot: Crud. http://egscomics.com/d/20020201.html |
| How Is It Possible For Something To Be Over Before It's Over? | SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!!! / (Goo) VS (Elliot, holding sign: 'Elliot') / Be sure to place your potentially illegal and morally objectionable bets now 'cause once this one gets started it won't be over till it's over!!! http://egscomics.com/d/20020202.html |
| (no title) | Elliot: Bring it on... / Goo: HSSSSS...!!! / [[the goo slams a large "fist" down; Elliot dodges]]
/ < http://egscomics.com/d/20020203.html |
| Man, What's the Point if No One's in There? | Elliot: There you are, Tedd! Listen, I found the goo, but...
/ Tedd: No I was not in the girls locker room!!! / Elliot: Um... what?
/ Tedd: OK maybe I was but it's not like anyone was in there!!!! / < http://egscomics.com/d/20020204.html |
| Don't Get the Dragon Warrior Joke? Play More Video Games, Dagnabbit! | Tedd: Hmm... so it's become a giant monster... how did you escape?
/ Elliot: Simple! I told it a hero from Dragon Warrior was behind it and ran when its back was turned! / Tedd: Of course! Any monster that is anything like a slime would naturally fear a dragon warrior hero!
/ Elliot: I don't think that will work twice, though. I bet it's pretty pissed off right about now... / Tedd: Worry not, comrade, for I have a plan!
/ Elliot: That worries me... http://egscomics.com/d/20020205.html |
| ...So the Goo is Going to Burn THEM? | [[Outside of the school. Elliot is moving away from an unidentified person]]
/ Elliot: Thanks for the lighter! / Elliot: Ok Tedd, I got the lighter! Now what?
/ Tedd: Well, as we're already outside, why not go home? / Elliot: Home?! We're not leaving that goo in there!!!
/ Tedd: It was just a suggestion. / Elliot: Feh. So what are we going to do, burn it?
/ Tedd: Actually, Elliot, just the opposite... http://egscomics.com/d/20020206.html |
| So... the Goo ISN'T Setting Them on Fire??? | Tedd: The Goo is only able to maintain its current form due to a delicate balance of liquids and solids. It is absorbent, so if we drench it with water the balance should be undone and all we'll have to do is clean up a puddle! Of course, not every area of the school has sprinklers so we should wait for it to come to us.
/ Elliot: OK, just one question... / Elliot: Is that close enough for ya?
/ Goo: GGRRRRRAARRRR... http://egscomics.com/d/20020207.html |
| I Wonder how Long Ago that was... | Tedd: Now Elliot, now! Use fire from the lighter to activate the sprinkler system!!! / Elliot: It's not working! Something's wrong with the sprinklers!!!
/ Tedd: WHAT?! / [[Several years ago...]]
/ Science Teacher: Sir, we really should get the sprinklers fixed.
/ Principal Verrückt: NEIN! The school budget is to be spent on murals! Murals I say!!! http://egscomics.com/d/20020208.html |
| If You Saw this Coming, You're a Freakin' Psychic | [[Elliot and Tedd on one side, the goo on the other]]
/ Ted: Um... Elliot? Any ideas? / Elliot: Only one... And I really hate to do it, but...
/ Ted: Um, you ok...? / Elliot: AAAAAAAAA!!!! http://egscomics.com/d/20020209.html |
| (no title) | Goo: < http://egscomics.com/d/20020210.html |
| Man do I Love Knowing Who that is and Knowing that You Don't | [[Saturday, 2 PM]]
/ [[Elliot picks up the phone, still in bed]]
/ Elliot: *snort* Hello?
/ Phone: Elliot! It's Sarah! You and Tedd are in todays paper! / Sarah: It talks about how Tedd brought goo to life and how you destroyed it!
/ Phone (Elliot): Well, yeah, some guys interviewed us. I guess to some people anything is news... / Sarah, off-panel: You don't consider goo coming to life news?!
/ Elliot, off-panel: Not after some of the stuff I've seen at Tedd's house...
/ [[Shady Figure holding a paper]] / Shady figure (thinking): Could it be? Could... could this "Tedd" help me??? http://egscomics.com/d/20020211.html |
| Something Very Similar to this has Happened to Me... | Sarah: So um, Elliot... I was thinking maybe we should see a movie tonight...
/ Phone (Elliot): Cool! I'll call Tedd. / Sarah: T-Tedd? A-Actually, I was thinking just the two of us would go to a movie, together...
/ Phone (Elliot): But Tedd will get lonely! We really should include him. / Sarah: He can watch TV! Look, you goon, I'm trying to ask you to go out with me!
/ Phone (Elliot): Well, yeah, I figured you wanted to go to the theater and not rent...
/ Sarah: What? That's not-- / Phone (Elliot): Alright, I've got Tedd online. He's interested in "Bionic Lesbians from Mars: Episode VIII". What do you wanna see? http://egscomics.com/d/20020212.html |
| Tedd Doesn't Seem to Handle the Cold Very Well | [[outside of the movie theater]]
/ Elliot: So many movies... Alright, what should we see?
/ Sarah: Anything but a "chick flick".
/ Tedd (shaking from the cold): B-But y-you a-are a ch-chick... / Sarah: So?! My movie preferences are not defined by my gender!
/ [[Elliot has put his coat over his head]]
/ Elliot (thinking): Nothing can penetrate the coat of solitude...
/ Tedd (still shaking): O-oh, I-I get it! Y-You're a L-Lesbian! Gotcha! / Sarah (thinking): He's getting the beating of a life-time once he takes off that thick winter coat....
/ Elliot (thinking): I am invincible... http://egscomics.com/d/20020213.html |
| The Only Thing That Guy Plays is Video Games | Elliot: 3 students for Attack of the Frozen Waffle.
/ TC: You are the MAN!
/ Elliot: Huh? / TC: Those two fine ladies are with you, right? Way to go, playah!
/ Elliot: What? First of all, only one-- Wait, this is too much change... / TC: Now, I can't charge full price to a fellow playah like yourself. Buy your women some diet soda! They'll "thank" you later... / Elliot: Follow me, ladies.
/ Tedd: What?! http://egscomics.com/d/20020214.html |
| I Like This One | [[Elliot and Sarah next to each other in the theater, watching the movie:]] / <<"What is it I'm looking at here?">>
/ <<"Well, General, it's... a frozen waffle.">> / <<"This is what destroyed an entire city?!">>
/ <<"It is more dangerous than it appears!">>
/ [[Sarah looking at Elliot]] / <<"You, Dr. German, are a loon. We have nothing to fear from such a simple thing!">>
/ [[Sarah laying her head on Elliot's shoulder watching forward, Elliot looking at Sarah]] / <<"Nothing at all!">>
/ [[Elliot watching forward again]] http://egscomics.com/d/20020215.html |
| Heeheeheehee!!! | [[Elliot driving his car back home, Sarah next to him, Tedd in the back]]
/ Tedd: That was the worst movie ever. Ever I say!
/ Sarah: Oh, and the Bionic Lesbians would've been better? / Tedd: Ebort gave it two thumbs up!
/ Elliot: Your house, Tedd. / [[Tedd outside]]
/ Tedd (thinking): Waffles versus lesbians... there just isn't any contest! / From off-panel: Are you Tedd?!
/ Tedd: ?! http://egscomics.com/d/20020216.html |
| (no title) | Girl in trench coat: A-Are you Tedd? That guy who made goo come to life? / Tedd: Um, yeah, that's me. But who are you?
/ Girl: I'm Grace. Can we, um, go inside? I'm cold. / Tedd: Now wait a minute... I've never met you before, and--
/ Um, what are you wearing underneath that trench coat? / Grace: Well, nothing, but-- / Tedd: WelcometothewonderfulhouseofTeddTedd'shouseisyourhousepleasefeelfreetostayaslongasyoulikeandletitbeknownifyourhavingnightmaresit'sokforyoutosleepinmybedwelcome!!! / Grace: Thanks for letting me in, and I want you to know that the reason I'm only wearing this coat isn't sexualin any way. / Tedd: Dammit. I mean, uh... listen, putting clothes onto a girl goes against all my instincts, but if ya want you can wear some of my clothes for now so you won't be stuck wearing that. / Grace: Thanks, Tedd. I--
/ From off-panel: TEDD! WHO'S DOWN THERE?!
/ Tedd: Aw crap, my dad's home! / Mr. Verres: Tedd, you know you're supposed to call ahead before bringing anyone into this house unless it's Elliot! / Grace: I don't believe this! How can he be Tedd's father?! / Mr. Verres: Is that-- Shade Tail?! http://egscomics.com/d/20020217.html |
| There's a Secret Within the Last Panel... | [[On panel: Grace as seen in the previous comic]]
/ [[Narrator: Just WHO is this young woman? She claims to be named Grace, and for some reason wants some sort of help from Tedd as a result of his goo exploits.]] / [[On panel: Tedd's father, Mr. Verres, as seen in the previous comic]]
/ [[Narrator: And who is this? Why, Tedd's father! He seems to believe that Grace is someone named "Shade Tail". But how would he know her? Could it be that they both go to the same barber, or could it be something more sinister?]] / [[On panel: a lot of small faces]]
/ [[Narrator: And why? Why this stupid recap? Everyone who read the comic yesterday knows all this already! BAH! The author thinks he can be lazy just because it's his birthday, that's what it is! Stupid piece of-- wait, I AM the author. DAMMIT! Um... all hail the author named Dan?]] http://egscomics.com/d/20020218.html |
| You Can Call Me Grace, or You Can Call Me Shade... | Mr. Verres: Shade... does anyone in your family know that you're here?
/ Tedd: "Shade"...?
/ Grace: No, they don't. / Mr. Verres: Good, let's hope it remains that way. Tedd, make up the guest room. Shade here will be staying with us. See if you can get that girl Sarah to help get her some decent clothes tomorrow, as well. Other than Elliot and Sarah, tell no one that Shade is here, got that? / Grace: Are you serious? You're going to protect me?
/ Tedd: ... What the hell is going on...? http://egscomics.com/d/20020219.html |