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|Speechless||[[Grace's bedroom with Grace in bed and Tedd kneeling next to her bed]] / Grace: nn . . . / Tedd: Grace! Grace, wake up! You're having a nightmare! / [[Same as before except from Tedd's POV. Grace is waking up with tears in here eyes]] / Grace: . . . wha . . . ? Tedd? / [[Same viewpoint except Grace is now fully awake]] / Grace: . . . Tedd?! / [[We now see just Tedd, still kneeling next to the bed, without his glasses]] / Tedd: What is it? What's wrong? / [[We now see both Tedd and Grace. Grace has a wondering look on here face and Tedd seems defensive]] / Tedd: What? Why are you looking at me like that? Is there something on my face? / [[Same as before except with a more direct look at Tedd's face.]] / Tedd: Wait a second . . . Oh crap, I'm not wearing my glasses . . . Uh . . . Oh no! I'm . . . blind?|
|Look at Them Eyes... Cr-razy.||[[Tedd, sans glasses, quickly gets up to leave.]] / Tedd: You know what? Darnedest thing, I just realized I can't see a thing without my glasses. I'll just go-- / [[Grace grabs Tedd's wrist.]] / Grace: No! ...Please don't leave me alone... / [[Grace embraces Tedd.]] / Grace: Just stay here with me, please... / Tedd: ...I'd be happy to, but you can't be too comfortable in that position... / [[Grace lifts up the blanket of her bed.]] / Grace: Well then get in the bed already!! / [[Tedd and Grace are lying in bed together.]] / Tedd: I doubt my dad would be too happy to see me here... / Grace: Why? It's not like we're doing anything dirty. / Tedd: We're not going to? Aw, dammit! / Grace: Hehe...|
|Childhood Trauma||Tedd: So Grace-- / Grace: Why do you wear glasses? / Tedd: Huh? People wear them to correct vision problems... / Grace: That's not what I meant and you know it. You obviously don't need them to see, so why do you wear them? And don't they actually mess up your vision if you don't need them? / Tedd: ...No. My glasses are special. But as for why I wear them, you might of noticed I don't exactly look very masculine... / Tedd: Back in elementary school I got picked on a lot for looking like a girl... / Tedd: ...But then I came across some special glasses my dad made: they made me look more like a boy and the bullies became powerless against me! / Grace: Really? / Tedd: Well, no. They still picked on my...But I felt better about looking in the mirror at least...|
|The Conspiracy Continues||[[Tedd and Grace are lying together in Tedd's bed, both fully dressed in nightclothes, with the blanket up to their waists. Grace is lying on Tedd's right arm, which is in turn around her shoulders.]] / GRACE: But wait, why keep wearing them if the bullies still bullied you? / TEDD: Well two reasons . . . one of which is the "special features" . . . / GRACE: "Special features"? / TEDD: Infra-red, night vision, zoom, video recording, X-ray . . . / GRACE: X-ray? / TEDD: I haven't used that feature in years, I swear!!! / GRACE (wryly): Shows discipline . . . Those sound pretty nice, but what's the second reason? / TEDD: Well, I was wearing them when I met Elliot back in elementary school, and I guess I worry how he'd react . . . / GRACE: I doubt he'd care . . . hey, how did you two meet anyway? / [[Flashback to meeting. Tedd is lying on the ground in distress. Elliot is punching another boy (Tony?) in the chest]] / NARRATOR: 4th Grade . . . / ELLIOT: Leave her alone, asshole!!! / TONY(?): Agh~* / Sound FX: POW! / [[Cut back to Tedd's bedroom]] / TEDD: Oh, we just met on the playground . . .|
|Secret Relationship||[[Grace and Tedd are lying in bed together. Their eyes are closed and the caption reads: "Tuesday morning..."]] / Mr. Verres(off-panel): Tedd! Would you please wake up and turn off your alarm clock already?! / [[Mr. Verres is standing in the hall with a newspaper. Two doors are behind him, the left one is open.]] / Mr. Verres: Huh. That's odd... He's not in his room. / [[Tedd runs from the left room (Grace's room) to the right room. / Mr. Verres is facing the other way, oblivious.]] / Mr.Verres: He better not have fallen asleep with Shade on the couch again. / Tedd: Why Father, I have been in this bathroom all along and not sleeping with the squirrel girl as previously suggested. / Mr. Verres: Ok then, that's good to hear.|
|Sister Begins||[[A beginning of a story arc comic.]] / [[Seven characters are shown in different poses with one in shadow in the middle of the frame.]]|
|Loophole||Tedd: going to school; bye. / Mr. Verres: hold it son. I must inform you that i am to be away on business for a few days. / Tedd: really? / Mr. Verres: yes. And while i am gone i want there to be no fooling around between you and shade tail! / Tedd: what?! Are you talking about -- dad, we've never had -- / Mr. Verres: nor should you! Fool around with her in her human form and she could get pregnant! That and you're too young anyway for such -- / Tedd: wait, back up. Why specify her "human form"? / Mr. Verres: oh, well the scientists who made her worried about what would result if she got pregnant while half- squirrel so they designed her so she couldn't get pregnant when transformed. / [[Tedd has a big grin on his face]] / Mr. Verres: stop stop smiling like that!!! / Tedd: I'd like to, but i can't.|
|Testing for Double Standards||Narrator: Meanwhile, Justin & Nanase at Moperville South / Justin: Man, Nanase, I still can't believe you broke up with Elliot. / Nanase: Well, I was going to break up with him anyway... / Justin: Really? Why? You seemed so good together. / Nanase: Yeah, I know, but I'm just not physically attracted to him! / Justin: What?! but you were all over him! / Nanase: Well... you know how normally when you kiss a guy it's because you're attracted to him? / Justin: I might be ably to find out if I could actually find any other gay guys... / Nanase: Oh yeah. Sorry... Anyway, it was more like I thought we'd be good together as boy and girlfriend, so I was making an effort to become attracted to him...? / Justin: Wait-- you did everything you did with Elliot as a method of trying to become attracted to him, it never worked?! / Nanase: I wanted him to be the right guy, but I guess he wasn't... / Justin: Maybe guys aren't for you? / Nanase:WHAT?! / justin: Nothing! I said nothing!|
|Maybe She is, Maybe She isn't||Nanase: I can't believe this! Just because I wasn't Physically attracted to one guy you think I'm guy! / Justin: Look, you guys kissed and made out so much. Don't you find it odd that you weren't the least bit turned on? / Nanase: We weren't right for each other! I'll find Mr. Right someday, and then you'll see! I'll get married and have kids just as I've always planned and I'll be happy with my husband! You just want someone else you is gay to talk to, but I'm straight as a line pal! / Justin: Nanase, what's with you?! This isn't like you at all! Look, I know it's not what you want but you need to at least consider the possibility! Are you really so homophobic that you won't even consider it? / Nanase: I'm not homophobic; I'm friends with you, aren't I? But this is me we're talking about, and I am not gay. Don't try to tell me I am. / Justin: You might not be, but if you are and you refuse to accept it you'll be miserable!! / Nanase: Not a Problem. I'm not gay. End of discussion, Justin. / Justin: ...Maybe we should just drop this and get to class. / Nanase: Lets.|
|This Can't be Good||5Pm (school ended at 3:10). Elliot's house
/ Elliot (thinking): Alright... Ok, I finally kinda sorta know what I want to say to Sarah. I just need to call her and say we need to talk, then... / <
|Be Afraid... Be Very Afraid||Tedd: The gun is stuck on safety and won't fire! I'll work on fixing it in you room, ok?! / Elliot: Wait a sec why do you need to work on it here?! / [[ as Tedd runs up the stiars]] / Tedd: I can't let Grace see me like this! I need to fix this while she's distracted by computer games! / Elliot: See you let what?! / Tedd: ...are you telling me you can't tell?! / Elliot: Well now that you mention it you do sound a little weird, but beyond that I'm Clueless! / Tedd: I'M A GIRL, YOU DOLT! / [[ Tedd lowers the tf gun, showing that he is a girl, Elliot's eyes pop out]] / [[TG]] [[male-to-female]] / Elliot: Ow.. Eyes just weren't meant to pop out like that.. / Tedd: Yeah, that was creepy. / El Goonish Shive / copyright 2002 Dan Shive / "Be Afraid... Be Very Afraid" / [[just white text on a black back round]]|
|Funniest Home Videos||Elliot: Why in the name of all that is decent and good in this universe did you turn your self into a girl?! / Tedd: Well, i wanted to make sure it the female from variant #1 was ready to be used on Tony so I tested it on myself, but thats when teh safety got stuck so I need to fix it so I can zap my self back to normal. / Elliot: Use it on Tony?! Tedd, I know the guy's a jerk but turning him into a girl isn't right. You'd be tolally messing around with his entire life. / Tedd: What are you talking about? Variant #1 only last about a day, then you're back to normal. Ijust what to teach him some humility. / Elliot: Oh. In that case I want that on film. / Tedd: I thought you would.|
|Variant #5 is Tons of Fun||Tedd (thinking): ow... my head... What just happened? I remember turning myself back to normal , then... wait, I was angry for some reasin... maybe that's a momentary side effect of turning back to a guy or something? hopefully i didn't do anything bad... / [[TG transformation]] [[male-to-female transformation]] [[V5 transformation]] / Tedd (thinking): oh boy, looks like I zapped Elliot and man does he, er, she look pissed!... Wait did his hair get longer / Tedd (thinking): Crap! this thing was set on variant #5?! / Sarah (thinking): I sense a disturbance in my love love life|
|A Vacation? YAY!||Elliot: Tedd... Care to explain why you've robbed me of my manhood?!
/ Tedd: I didn't want to, Really! I wasn't myself for a moment after turning back! / Tedd: I think it might of had todo with the sudden testosterone rush, but I'm not certain.
/ Elliot: Ok, I guess that's understandable. but turn me back into a guy right now!!!
/ Tedd: That's the plan... / <
|Female Tactics||[[Elliot "Ellen" is meeting up with Tedd at the start of class]]
/ Elliot: Hi! With that purple hair and glasses, you must be Tedd! I've heard about you from my cousin!
/ Tedd: Oh have you now, "Ellen"? / Tedd: Um, you do realize that you won't get any credit for any work you do as Ellen...?
/ Elliot: Sure I will. I told them what's really going on.
/ Tedd: You what?! / [[Tony enters, his shirt reads "#1"]]
/ Tony: Hey baby. Don't make the same mistake your demon cousin made by ruining your popularity by hanging out with this dweeb!
/ Elliot [[thought]]: I hate Tony... / Elliot: "Demon cousin"?
/ Tony: Yeah, "demon" is what we call your cousin behind his back.
/ Elliot [[thought]]: That's actually kinda cool... / [[Hammer appears in Elliot's hand]]
/ Tony: So, how'd you like to make out with a stud like me?
|Ellen the Flirt||[[Elliot in the Principal's office]] / Narrator: Earlier, before first period... / Elliot: ...So as you can see, it would really help me out if you could get the teachers to support my cover story and still give me credit for the work I do. / Principal Verrückt: Hm... Well, normally I wouldn't believe such a story, but you are Tedd's best friend... / Principal Verrückt: However, I may believe you, but I don't like the idea of instructing the teachers to lie to everyone like that. It may be difficult, but the best policy is honesty and I'm afraid you're just going to have to deal with the awkwardness of the situation. / Elliot: I didn't want to do this... / [[Elliot wears a very cutesy expression]] / Elliot: Puh-lease get them to lie for me...??? / Principal Verrückt: ...W-well, I suppose dishonesty can be policy just this once... / Elliot: Thank you so much!!! / Elliot [[thought]]: I feel so dirty...|
|The Return of Matt and Rat (Though They Never Really Left)||Narrator: Look who else is in the science class: / Rat: Man, Elliot's cousin Ellen is amazing... / Matt: What?! / Rat: You can't deny that she is, Matt. When I close my eyes she's all that I see... I'm going to ask her out the first chance I get!!! / Matt: Oh for the love of-- Can't you at least pretend that you're aware that you're in a comic strip?! Look at these complex computations I've made!!! / [[Matt reveals a crudely drawn piece of paper showing Elliot and Ellen with an equals sign]] / Paper: Same classes, bogus story, same seats, hangs with Tedd / Matt: It is fairly obvious that this is all part of some twisted storyline that has Elliot turned into a girl, and that girl is Ellen! / Rat: ...So if I ask her out, I'm potentially asking out someone who is normally a guy and that guy just happens to be my comic rival? / Matt: Probably, yes! / [[Rat tosses aside the paper]] / Rat: Eh, I'll take my chances. / Matt: What?!|
|Impatience||Elliot: Bah! That class is so pointless! Goo this, rocks that... feh! / [[After Elliot and Tedd leave, Rat and Matt struggle, with Matt attempting to hold Rat back]] / Rat: Let go of me you jerk! / Matt: She's a man, you fool, a man!!! / Rat: Her chest says otherwise!!! / Matt: At least wait until we have observed her some more to be certain! / Rat: But... But I want some action now!!!|
|My Goonish Sense is Tingling||Female Elliot: Oh joy. Lunch. The time of social gatherings with many opportunities for awkward moments. / Tedd Oh boy oh boy, I can't wait! / [[Female Elliot senses some thing black backround]] / Female Elliot: GRRRRRR... / [[Elliot is ready to fight]] / Tedd: What is it girl? Is Timmy trapped in a well? / Female Elliot: I sensed something powerful... / Female Elliot: Whatever it was is gone now... maybe my mind's playing tricks on me... / Tedd: Maybe it was just Pms? / Female Elliot: DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT!!!|
|spiffy middle panels||Tony: Hey, it Susan! Breep! Lesbo alert! Hehehe... / <
|You Can Tell When Tedd's Using That Feature At Least...||Grace [wearing Tedd's glasses] (thinking): Ooh...heat vision...
/ Tedd: Ok, before I reveal the amazing plan, I just gotta get details about the girls locker room! Did any of the girls shower? Did -you- shower?!
/ Elliot: Actually, I didn't really get dressed for gym today... / Grace (thinking): Hm...variant #5...could be interesting with Tedd, perhaps...
/ Tedd: What?! But...but that's such a waste! Why didn't you?!
/ Elliot: It wouldn't be right for me to be in the girls locker room. I'm supposed to be a boy, and me being in there wouldn't - - Argh! Just a second, this is driving me nuts... / <
|EGS Story for Monday, July 8, 2002 - Copyright 2002-08 Dan Shive||Grace:Alright. Here We go. As you already know, Tedd's father works for the government. I was able to get access to certain information as a result of that, and I have discovered an interesting little item that is being kept at the government's "paranormal things that are of little use to anyone storage facility", or PTTAPUTASF. There is an artifact kept at the PTTAPUTASF called the dewitchery diamond that dates back to medieval times. The dewitchery diamond is said to be able to separate someone who has been cursed with another form from that curse and return them to normal; all you have to do is touch it. Now, this is such a low priority government building that Tedd here actually has the clearance necessary to get in thanks to his father, but you can't legally accompany him and he can't legally remove the diamond for you to touch. Fortunately, however, the facility is so low priority that there appears to be only one elderly security guard who constantly guards the front of the building so once Tedd is inside he should be able to sneak you in through the back and get you to the diamond. There are only security cameras at the doors, which is good but you'll have to use a window to get in because of this. Afterwards, you just have to make it to the second floor, touch the diamond and get back out. I'll stay back here for a number of reasons including but not limited to the facts that the less people sneaking in the better. If I'm caught I might be taken away for testing or something, and someone needs to stay behind to feed Jeremy. Now PTTAPUTASF is out of town and is estimated to be a three-hour trip by car so it's best you leave ASAP. / [[silence]] / Elliot:No seriously, what's the plan?|
|Enter the Omega Goo||Sarah: I-Is that the Goo? / Ellen: That ain't how I remember it... / Narrator: Unexpectedly, the behemoth spoke, though the voice came not from any of its many mouths. / Goo: You have changed. So have I. You will not win this time. In the name of the master, you will die...|
|"Claire"||Susan: Figures that Ellen would be a woman with a man's mind... Nanase will be here shortly. Until then I suggest we wait. / Narrator: Badass Hair In The Wind Effect With No Wind Is Your Friend. / Sarah: Susan... What...? / Susan: Explanations later; first introductions. I'm Susan. Who are you? / Grace: I'm Clark. / Susan: "Clark"? / Greg: Claire! / Grace: Claire? / Greg: Claire. / Grace: Name's Claire.|
|The Observant Will Laugh||Nanase: I think we should see this through, Justin, but before we go to their house, can I get cleaned up at your place? [She's covered in green slime from the neck down.] / Justin: ...Yeah, that may be a good idea... / Mr. Verres: Is that... Nanase?! It's been so long; I didn't even recognize you there! / Sarah (thinking): Dammit, did EVERYONE meet this girl before I did?! / Nanase: H-Hello, Uncle! / Sarah: UNCLE?! / Mr. Verres: Let me guess; my sister in law doesn't know you're dressed like that, does she? / [[Tedd and Grace return. Tedd is wearing the jacket he gave Grace in the last comic; Grace is wearing the T-shirt Tedd had on under his jacket. They are carrying towels.]] / Grace: We have towels! / Tedd: Yes, towels for all! / Mr. Verres: Excellent. Now we can... um... [[notices the shirts]] / [[Grace is smiling, apparently oblivious; Mr. Verres trails off and stares at them angrily.]] / Tedd: ... What??|
|Ah, Memories...||[[Salty Crackers Comics Shop in Moperville]] / Kid with Cap: "One Pack of Magical Gathering Cards." / Justin: "That'll be four dollars." / Kid with Cap: "A whole four bucks?! That is so gay..." / [[Justin annoyed]] / Justin: "Enjoy your cards, kid." / Kid with Cap: "Alright! A Malcontent Hyper Minotaur! Now I have two of those!" / Fat Kid: "What're you, gay? That card's restricted now! You can only have one in your deck!" / Kid with Cap: "What?! But that's so totally gay! Why?" / [[Justin Fuming over comic book]] / Fat Kid (off panel): Those gay heads of tournaments said it was being abused by too many players." / Kid with Cap (off panel): That is by far the most gay this I've ever heard." / Fat Kid: "OK, you have two of that card, but you can only use one. Therefore, you oughta trade me that one you just got!" / Kid with Cap: "OK, I'll trade it for your cleavage angel!" / Fat Kid: "I can't trade that! That card's the closest thing I might ever have to a girlfriend!" / Kid with Cap: "...Gay."|
|I'd Love to be Able to do This||Nanase: This job is pretty boring, isn't it?
/ Justin: Eh, it can be. It's not like it's hard work, though. / Justin: And there's the VERY nice bonus that I get a discount on everything in the store because I work here. I got these Yu-Gi-Oh cards 35% off! / Customer: Ha! Yu-Gi-Oh! That's kid stuff! Why not play a MAN'S game? / <
|Elliot's Super Happy Table of Sharing||[[Tedd imagining transforming Susan]] / [[Susan imagining hammering Tedd]] / [[whispering]] / Sarah: It's not going well between those two, is it? / Elliot: Doesn't look like it. maybe we should try to get them to open up a little to each other. / Sarah: I doubt that'd work with those two. why don't we sneak off and make out in the janitor's closet instead? / Elliot: ... You've got some weird fantasies... / [[spoken]] / Elliot: Hey guys! I was thinking; now that we're all sitting together, it might help us all get along if we each shared something about ourselves with the group! How does that sound? / [[Tedd and Susan stare at Elliot and Sarah]] / Sarah: well, Elliot and i are going to go make our in the janitor's closet! you two have fun! / Elliot: Sarah...|
|Let Us Mourn the Loss of the Best Feature||[[Susan is wearing Tedd's glasses, examining them]]
/ Tedd: There's a small button on the right-side of the glasses; click it to see different ways the glasses can modify vision. / <
|I Do the Same Thing to Get Up for College||About six hours earlier...
/ [[Nanase is using a fairy doll, but it's dressed differently.]]
/ Nanase: NANI?
/ Nanase: Why is my fairy avatar dressed like this?! / [[Nanase looks at a snoring Ellen.]]
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