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Conference Room 9 in Outer Space [[Cat and Girl are in an office wearing space helmets.]] / Girl: Hand me the file for the Jupiter account. / [[Cat takes a manila folder out of his desk.]] / Girl: The invoice isn't signed. / Girl: This was supposed to go out last week! / [[Cat works at his computer.]] / <> / Cat: It never left the mail room. They're out of supplies. / Girl: But our meeting with the earth people is in half a space hour! / [[Cat and Girl look up towards the space sky. Girl holds a stamp. Cat is loosening his collar. Up in the sky is a planet.]] / Mars Needs Envelopes
http://catandgirl.com/?p=986
The Planning Stages [[Cat is writing in a book.]] / [[Girl taps him on the shoulder.]] / Cat: Eep! / Girl: What's that? / [[Cat holds the book up for her.]] / Girl: You have an agenda? / Cat: I write down stuff I have to do. / [[Girl looks through Cat's agenda.]] / Cat: And then when I do it I cross it off. / Girl: I didn't know you were so organized. I'm impressed! / [[Girl leaves. Cat smiles.]] / [[Cat's brow furrows.]] / [[Cat writes in a book called "Secret Agenda."]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=988
That's my Fun Day Cat: C'mon C'mon / Cat: The Frosting Factory is still open. / Girl: No. / Cat: International House of Wax Pancakes? / Girl: No. / Cat: Skeeball at Funderdome? / Girl: I'm tired. / [[Girl leaves Cat alone.]] / Cat: What am I supposed to do? / Girl: Just make pop culture references until something sticks. / Cat: Ahem / Cat: Mathnet. / Cat: Candlebox. / Cat: "Little Man Tate."
http://catandgirl.com/?p=990
Where is the Little Andres Serranos Room? [[Cat sits at a bar drinking paint.]] / Man in striped shirt: Jasper Johns, please. / [[The man is served a can of Ballantine Ale.]] / Lady with winged hair: Gimmee a Lichtenstein? / [[The bartender serves her a glass of something colored with benday dots.]] / [[The bartender holds a glass with a roughly-drawn crown suspended above it.]] / Bartender: The Basquiat? / Man in sweater: Here. / Girl with glasses: Two Holzers and a Kruger. / [[The bartender arrives with a tray of glasses that say "drink" - two in Times New Roman and one in Futura.]] / [[The bartender carries a giant glass over to the bar.]] / Bartender: Oldenburg? / <> / [[The bartender places a shot glass in front of Cat.]] / <> / [[Cat smells the glass.]] / <> / [[A gun shoots Cat in the arm. He throws the shot glass up in the air.]] / Man in turtleneck: I ordered the Chris Burdem. / Bartender: Sorry. / Cat: oooooooooooooooooow
http://catandgirl.com/?p=992
Yesterday's Papers [[Cat is reading a newspaper.]] / Cat: Kansas! / Cat: Did you see this? / Cat: They're not gonna teach devolution in their schools! / Girl: But devolution is a scientifically proven fact! / [[Cat puts on a Devo hat and hands Girl a wooden sword.]] / [[Cat and Girl both wear Devo hats and swing swords around.]] / Cat and Girl: Mark Mothersbaugh's body lies a-moulderin' in the grave, Mark Mothersbaugh's body lies a-moulderin' in the grave / Cat and Girl: Mark Mothersbaugh's body lies a-moulderin' in the grave - His truth goes marching on / Girl: It's time for a change! / Cat: It's time for the American Devolution! / Girl: It's time for a Civil War! / Confederate General: After You. / Union General: No, after you.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=994
 
Lunch Time [[Girl is washing dishes in the sink.]] / Cat: Hungry? / Girl: A little. / Cat: Good! I'll order a pizza. / [[Cat cuts out a piece of paper.]] / [[Cat is sitting behind a desk. He writes on the paper.]] / [[He holds it up.]] / [[He licks an envelope.]] / [[He puts a stamp on the envelope.]] / Girl: How are you ordering this pizza? / Cat: By mail. / [[Girl's stomach rumbles.]] / Girl: When will it get here? / Cat: Six to eight weeks. / [[Cat smiles.]] / Girl: I don't know if I can wait that long. / Cat: Have a snack!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=996
Cat versus Hobos [[Girl is drinking a milkshake.. Cat is angry.]] / Cat: Why is everyone making hobo jokes? Hobos aren't funny. / Cat: Hobos will steal your shoes for a dollar - like in "Pretty Woman." / Cat: And they'll use that dollar to buy forty ounces of "Perfect Gent." / Cat: Then they'll crap in your shoes and return them. / Cat: Just like that scene in "Mystic Pizza." / Girl: Well, pop and hip hop fetishize the bling and glitz of success. / Girl: So indie culture responds with a cult of failure. / Girl: The idea of "hobo" becomes a unit of aesthetic currency to the cult like other archaic totems of failure. / [[A girl wearing a tee shirt that says "Moxie."]] / [[A boy in a tee shirt that has the "Fish Police" logo on it.]] / [[Dorothy wears a shirt that says "The Democratic party."]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=998
Cat and Girl versus Tooth Decay [[Cat and Girl are brushing their teeth. We see their reflection in the bathroom mirror.]] / Girl: We can't ever really know how other people see us. / Girl: <> / Girl: That's why we try to see ourselves in them. / Girl: We match the questions our presence inspires with the responses we think others want - trying to catch a view of ourselves reflected. / Girl: Creating the shadow play of expectations and fulfillment that calls itself social interaction. / Cat: <> / Girl: In the end our interior self is warped by our social self's demands. / Girl: In the end we become what other people want us to be. / [[Cat looks at her.]] / Girl: What? / Cat: You're still not a sandwich.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1000
Memory Lanes [[Girl is in the closet going through boxes. Behind her are a bowling ball and boxes marked "winter clothes" and "ornaments."]] / Girl: I thought my badminton racquet was in one of these. / [[Girl puts the box back up.]] / [[Girl opens another box.]] / Girl: What's this? / Cat: Oh! My awards! / Cat: So many accomplishments. / [[Cat holds the key to a city.]] / Cat: Rescuing President Puppy in Cincinnati. / [[Cat wears a sash that says "Potato Queen."]] / Cat: Winning the pageant with my good lucks and juggling skills! / [[Cat holds a certificate.]] / Cat: Publishing my dissertation. / [[Girl holds a trophy.]] / Girl: "My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings: Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"? / Cat: I got that one for skeeball!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1002
Scene Politics [[The Beatnik Vampire has a mustache and carries a guitar case. Girl walks with him.]] / Girl: Yeah, we just had practice. Went over some songs. / Girl: How's your band... uh - you know - / Vampire: "Pandemonium." it's a pun. / Girl: Pandamonium? Like pandas? / Vampire: Pandemonium. Like pans. / Girl: Oh. / Vampire: It's going really well. / Vampire: We had a couple of big shows last month and our new record's getting some airplay. / [[Two kids approach.]] / Kid: Hey, mister! Can we have your autograph? / Vampire: Sure. / [[The Beatnik Vampire signs the pad the kid gave him.]] / Kid: Thanks Wilford Brimley!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1004
 
Chinese Democracy [[Cat and Girl sit at a diner.]] / Girl: Yawn / [[Their booth is empty - they are gone.]] / [[Cat and Girl walk to mega box store "Price B Rite."]] / [[They play ping pong in the sporting goods aisle.]] / [[Girl sits at a table in the Garden section. Cat pushes a lawnmower across the floor.]] / [[Cat and Girl dance to music coming from shelves of stereos.]] / [[Cat and Girl watch the selves of televisions.]] / Cat: What no one will tell you is that Axl Rose has spent the last ten years working with the Chinese government a an advocate for democratic reform.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1008
Creation Nation [[Storm clouds in a dark sky.]] / [[Light beams through them.]] / In the beginning / cars looked cooler / [[An old muscle car.]] / teenage delinquents dressed better / soul crushing behemoth marts were smaller and dimly lit / [[A wood shack with a sign that reads "Price B Rite."]] / everyone drank and smoked everywhere / [[People in evening wear drink and smoke at a bus stop.]] / vegetables came in cans but you could travel on steamships and zeppelins / [[Cat is talking to a tiny angel version of himself.]] / Angel: Most of the steamships and zeppelins didn't crash. / Cat: It's heavenly. / Angel: Talulah Gosh was better.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1010
Cat and Girl present: National Anthems [[Cat holding a little Canadian flag]] / Cat: O Canada! Our home and native land! / [[Girl holding a little Australian flag]] / Girl: Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong, under the shade of a coolabah tree / [[Cat wearing beret, stripy t-shirt etc. and holding a French flag]] / Cat: There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance / [[Girl wearing Ukrainian costume and holding a Ukrainian flag]] / Girl: I-kraine, They-craine, we all kraine for Ukraine / [[Cat wearing sombrero etc and holding a Mexican flag]] / Cat: Dup Dup Da Da Dup Da Da Dup Da Dut / [[Girl wearing sunglasses and holding a Greek flag]] / Girl: We go together like rama lama lama ke ding a de ding a dong / [[Cat wearing cowboy costume and holding the USA flag]] / Cat: We didn't start the fire. It was always burning since the world's been turning / [[Girl wearing headscarf and holding the Iranian flag]] / Girl: Iran, Iran so far away
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1012
Like Comparing [[Cat holds an apple in one hand and an orange in the other.]] / Cat: Apple Orange / [[Cat throws them.]] / Cat: Race to the wall! / [[They land.]] / <> / <> / Cat: Apple wins! / [[Cat digs into a grocery bag.]] / Cat: Grapefruit Egg / [[Girl stares at Cat from across the kitchen.]] / Cat: What? / Cat: You're not the president of me!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1014
Like Comparing II [[Cat and Girl stand in the kitchen.]] / Cat: You're not even the Supreme Court! / [[Cat thinks.]] / [[The Supremes stand behind a law bench.]] / Supremes: Stop in the name of the U.S. Constitution / Supremes: Before you break its laws / Cat: Think it o-o-ver / Supremes: Baby love - my baby love / [[Cat frowns.]] / [[A newspaper. The headline reads "Extra Exra Abortion Illegal - Chief Justice Diana Ross to go Solo."]] / [[The Supremes stare out.]] / [[Cat stares at Girl.]] / [[Cat has an idea.]] / Cat: mmmmm. / Cat: Activist fudges.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1016
 
Nightmare Street [[Cat sits at a lemonade stand.]] / [[He pours some lemonade for a customer.]] / [[He squeezes more lemon into the pitcher.]] / [[Customers haggle.]] / [[Cat slices into another lemon, now with a band-aid on his hand.]] / [[Cat is surrounded by angry customers.]] / [[They press in all around him.]] / [[Cat wakes up.]] / [[Cat puts a hand to his forehead. He is sweating, but it was all a dream.]] / Cat: Phew. / [[Cat looks outside. Girl is sitting at a lemonade stand. A customer yells at her.]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1018
Cat Cleans House [[Girl holds a toy elephant.]] / Girl: Stripey got all dirty. / Cat: Hmmm. / [[Cat looks in the kitchen cabinets.]] / Cat: Liquid plumber? / Girl: That won't help. / Cat: Liquid dentist? / Cat: Liquid administrative assistant? / [[Cat drinks some liquid administrative assistant.]] / <> / Girl: No. / Cat: Liquid lawyer? / Cat: Liquid librarian? / Cat: Liquid I.T. professional? / Cat: Aha! / [[Cat holds a gasoline can.]] / Cat: This is a job for liquid arsonist!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1020
Music Lessons [[Girl listens to a record while looking at the record sleeve.]] / Cat: Oh man - this is a classic record. / [[Cat plays air guitar.]] / Cat: deedle-y deedle-y dooo / Cat: I got to see them play live - it was in the Eighties, when Dawn was drumming. / Cat: but before Mallory and Jessi joined. / [[The Ramones Logo. But instead of the names of the Ramones, the seal reads: Kristy - Mary Anne - Claudia - Stacey.]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1022
Cooking the Books [[Girl has baking supplies out on a counter and is looking through a book. Cat enters the kitchen.]] / Cat: Oh! / [[Cat wrinkles his nose.]] / Cat: Oh. / Cat: It smells like gray in here. / Girl: I'm baking a corporation. / Cat: Why? / Girl: Career day. / Girl: I've greased the pans and preheated the oven. / Girl: Now I separate the eggs / Girl: Combine the flour - cheese - milk - butter - and a pinch of cream of tartar. / [[Girl stirs.]] / Girl: Add egg whites and some elbow grease / Girl: Now we set it in the oven / Girl: and wait for mediocrity to rise to the top. / [[Girl smiles.]] / Cat: That's touching. / Girl: I was going to send it to Hallmark but they discontinued their "Life is Meaningless" line.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1024
Cat Sells Out Cat: Every yin has a yang. / Cat: Without night there would be no day. / Cat: For every ironic tee shirt sold there must be a not-ironic tee shirt sold. / Cat: I am going to make a million dollars! / Girl: That is probably not true. / [[Shirt: A picture of a jumping fish. "When my girlfriend left me I was GUTTED."]] / [[Shirt: "VIRGINIA." Outline of the state of Virginia. "admitted to statehood in 1788"]] / [[Shirt: blackletter type. "Capitalists do it Ruthlessly."]] / [[Shirt: Image of a man winking and giving the A-OK hand gesture. "Pedophile Alert."]] / [[Shirt: "My lack of emotion frightens me sometimes."]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1026
 
Marketplace Cat: We could just go to King Kullen. / Girl: But there's a sale on orange juice at / Girl: the Supermarket at the end of the world. / [[Cat and Girl walk through a supermarket.]] / Muzak: Tall and tan and dark and lovely / Muzak: the girl from Ipanema goes walking / Muzak: when she passes each one she passes goes / Cat: when she passes each one she passes goes / Cat: Oooooooooo. / Speaker: BEEP / Speaker: Birthday parties cheesecakes jelly beans brooms / Speaker: plastic coated patriotic paper plates right right / Speaker: It's the end of the sale as we know it in aisle nine. / Speaker: BEEP / Cat: Do you want to get cheesecake?
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1028
The Warhol Factory Outlet Store [[The Beatnik Vampire sits in a waiting room reading "People."]] / [[He checks his watch.]] / Vampire: They're totally late. / Girl: Huh? / Vampire: My fifteen minutes of fame. / Girl: Oh, it doesn't work that way anymore. / Girl: Instead of being famous for fifteen minutes, everyone gets to be famous for 1500 people. / Girl: And you can register online. / Vampire: Oh. / [[Two small children approach the Beatnik Vampire.]] / Child: Hey mister! Can we have your autograph? / [[He signs their pad.]] / [[He hands the pad back to the children.]] / Child: Thanks Count Chocula!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1030
In Search of Ephemera [[Girl reads from a book.]] / Girl: Posters were ephemeral, their lifespan dictated by their economical form and dated content. / Girl: But as their practical use as tools for communication declined collectors, museums and galleries took them in / [[Cat blows a bubble of chewing gum.]] / Girl: compromising all contemporary posters with the knowledge of a future as "art" / Girl: a fall from ephemeral function to aesthetic appreciation echoed today by the cassette tape and the video tape / Girl: echoed tomorrow by html and / Cat: What's that book? / Girl: Huh? / Cat: That book you've been carrying around for the last five years. / Cat: What is it? / Girl: Ulysses. / Girl: I'm on page eight.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1032
Sick Day Cat: <> / [[Cat blows his nose.]] / <> / Cat: I could use a trip - / Cat: To the halls of medicine! / [[Cat and Girl are in a dark hallway. Behind them, men in suits stand before a curtain in a line.]] / Girl: I think we're in the Hall of Presidents. / Cat: We must have made a wrong turn. / [[Cat and Girl near a noise.]] / [[They look in a doorway.]] / [[Two former presidents are drinking punch.]] / [[Two former presidents urge on a third, who is drinking out of a small canoe.]] / Presidents: Tippecanoe! Tippecanoe! / [[One president sits on the floor nursing a beer. Another blows a noisemaker. A third dances around with a lampshade on his head. The banner behind them says "Whigstock."]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1034
Maintaining your Cool [[The Beatnik Vampire sits up in bed.]] / Vampire: Yawn. / [[He eats his breakfast of "Blood Klotz" cereal.]] / Vampire: Another morning in Bohemia. / [[He walks down the street, coffee in hand, past some Hipster Scouts.]] / Ukrainian Blouse Lady: Nice goatee! / Vampire: Well thank you. / Tote Bag Girl: Go home and listen to your Esquivel records! / Vampire: But I - / Skull Tee Guy: Hey Maynard G. Krebs! / Vampire: I'm not - / Jean Jacket Lady: Big Bad Voodoo Daddy called - they want their hair back. / [[The Beatnik Vampire looks at his reflection in a store window.]] / [[He looks across the street at a barber shop.]] / [[He enters and sits in the barber's chair.]] / Vampire: Whatever it takes. / [[He sits in the barber chair. His goatee has been replaced by a mustache.]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1036
 
Art or Not [[Cat and Girl walk past a Nativity scene.]] / Girl: Art. / [[Cat and Girl walk past a billboard advertising burgers.]] / Cat: Art. / [[Cat and Girl walk past a plaster chef figure holding a sign that says "Italian Ices."]] / Girl: Not. / [[Cat and Girl walk past an American flag.]] / Cat and Girl: Art! / [[They pass a construction sign.]] / Girl: Not! / [[They look at the window display of a clothing store.]] / Cat: Art! / Girl: Not! / Cat: There's a picture of a bunny. / Girl: It's on a sweatshirt! / Cat: Bunny! / Girl: On an item of utility / Girl: It's only art if it's totally unnecessary. / [[A Christmas tree in the corner, Ma and Pa Fish look on as a fish in a baseball hat gets a bicycle.]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1038
Cat versus the Ether [[Paper, scotch tape and scissors.]] / [[Grrrl and Girl are working. Cat looks in on them.]] / Cat: Are you guys making a ZINE? / Grrrl: It's a Livejournal. / Cat: Pffft. / Cat: I liked things better before. / Cat: Back when thoughts had substance. / Cat: When books were on PAPER. / Cat: When winters were COLD. / Cat: When bands played INSTRUMENTS and songs came on RECORDS. / Girl: When hospitals had no PENICILLIN. / Cat: If I can't die from syphilis I'm not interested.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1040
Boy Walks On Boy: "Popularity is just targeted consumption." / [[Boy walks to a bus stop.]] / Boy: Cynicism dressed up as realism presented as intellect. / Boy: Most likely. / Boy: Holier than thou pop culture oracles / [[Boy gets on the bus.]] / Boy: eager to read Doomsday in bird intestines / Boy: keeping the bird locked up in a tower of privilege to prevent alternate readings. / [[Boy gets off the bus.]] / Boy: Criticizing but not providing any positive alternative. / Boy: Protecting themselves from scorn while never slowing in their own production of it. / [[Boy stands.]] / Girl: Hi! / Boy: Gah!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1042
Tom Tom Club [[Girl stands, angry, her arms crossed.]] / [[Cat watches her from the doorway.]] / [[He approaches her. She looks up at him.]] / Cat: I'm sorry. / Cat: I got you a present! / Cat: It's that special toothpaste you like! / Cat: Tom's of something. / Cat: Boy was it hard to find. / Cat: I didn't know you liked sailors so much. / [[Girl looks at the tube of toothpaste.]] / Girl: This isn't - / Cat: Huh? / [[The tube of toothpaste says "Tom's of Finland baking soda toothpaste." A buff, mustachioed sailor is kissing a buff, mustachioed man in motorcycle riding gear.]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1044
True-Life Adventures Play. / [[Cat sits, considering a Parcheesi board.]] / When an animal first begins to understand its world. / [[Cat plays with Mr. Potato Head.]] / Under the watchful eye of its elders, the animal is free to explore. / [[Cat watches television.]] / [[Cat looks through a bookcase.]] / Why, what's this? / [[Cat spies a computer.]] / A Friend? / <> / [[Cat tape the computer with a stick.]] / [[He stares at the monitor.]] / This playing may look silly now, but it's developing skills it will use to survive as it grows. / [[Cat sits at the computer.]] / [[Girl looks in on him.]] / Girl: "All the President's hair?" / Cat: That's edutainment!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1046
 

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