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Bad Decision Dinosaur in the Big Woods I [[Bad Decision Dinosaur walks into the woods.]] / [[He sees a squirrel in a tree.]] / [[Bad Decision Dinosaur extends his arm and the squirrel trots over to his shoulder.]] / [[Bad Decision Dinosaur hands the squirrel a pack of cigarettes.]] / [[The squirrel takes the cigarettes. Bad Decision Dinosaur...
Bad Decision Dinosaur in the Big Woods II [[Bad Decision Dinosaur finds a lighter and lights the squirrel's cigarette.]] / [[The squirrel sits in the tree smoking. Bad Decision Dinosaur walks on.]] / [[Bad Decision Dinosaur walks out of the woods.]] / [[He looks back. A sign reads "Fire Danger: High."]] / [[Bad Decision Dinosaur is shocked.]] / [[Back...
High Society [[Cat walks in holding a box.]] / Cat: What do I feel like? / [[Girl sits on the couch. cat searches inside the box.]] / Cat: A monocle? A bicycle? / Cat: A mono-cycle. / Girl: A popsicle. / Cat: A popocle! Oh that would be nice. / Cat: I could emote shock and disapproval when something untoward happens...
Something to Hold Plaque: If I said you had a beautiful body would you listen to my problems? / [[Cat is wearing a blazer and holding a martini glass.]] / Cat: If I said I had a mutual fund would you hold it against me? / Girl: You don't have a mutual fund. / [[Cat hugs a teddy bear.]] / Cat: At least I have Scampers. / [[Cat...
Don't Walk Away Buffet [[Girl approaches a buffet.]] / Girl: All You Can Eat. / Girl: Nothing quite says the gluttonous splendor of an empire in decline like All You Can Eat. / Cat: Have you been to the All You Can't Eat? / Cat: Yuck. / Girl: All You Can Eat. / Girl: it might as well be on the dollar bill. / Cat: It's on the...
 
The Left Bank Cat: I'm broke. / [[Cat is wearing a tuxedo and top hat.]] / Girl: It'll be OK. / Cat: But I wanted to go to the opera in a stretch Weinermobile. / [[Cat sits in a little car.]] / Girl: You live a cheeseburger life on a hamburger budget. / Cat: I'm fancy like ketchup!
All the Other Guys in the Pack [[Cat and Girl walk outside.]] / Girl: I follow. / Girl: I follow crowds. / Girl: I follow orders. / Girl: I follow dreams. / Cat: I followed a dream once. / Cat: It ran into the street / Cat: into incoming traffic / Cat: little pieces of dream insides everywhere
Spooky Tales [[Boy, Grrrl, Girl and Cat stand around a cauldron dressed as witches.]] / Boy: See a black cat on Halloween and pay student loans for the rest of your life! / Grrrl: Every time an owl cries a child stops believing in the redemptive power of fiction. / Girl: I hear if you lock yourself in a bathroom with...
Acceptance [[Cat stands at the mailbox looking through a bunch of envelopes.]] / Cat: Thick envelope. / Cat: Thin envelope. / [[Cat goes into the house.]] / Cat: Postcard. / Cat: Toothpick. / [[Cat feels around inside a large envelope.]] / [[Cat removes a piece of paper.]] / Cat: I'm in! / Cat: I'm in! I did...
Acceptance Cat: You don't think I can be a squirrel. / Girl: Biology is destiny! Sort of sometimes / Cat: But I'm a hard worker. / Girl: The point is - / Cat: And I'm not above cheating. / Girl: It doesn't matter how hard you work. / Girl: Being s squirrel is something you have to be born into - like Judaism -...
 
Real Answers Cat: 7-11! / Cat: Today is the anniversary of 7-11. / Cat: Let's go get slurpies! / Girl: 9/11. / Cat: What? / Girl: It's the sixth anniversary of 9/11. / Cat: 9/11. / Girl: Planes - buildings - boom. 9/11? / Cat: Doesn't ring a bell. / Girl: 9/11! Patriot day? / Girl: Day of 50% off sales on grills...
A-list Cat: Paul Bunyan. / Cat: Bob's Big Boy. / [[Cat checks a notebook.]] / Cat: The Brawny paper towel guy. / Cat: And Anne McCaffrey. / Girl: OK, my team is all characters from Russian literature. Uh - / Girl: Can Count Vronsky bring Froo-Froo? / Cat: There are no horses in fantasy football. / Cat:...
Econotourism [[Cat, Girl and Grrrl walk in the desert. Grrrl holds a camera.]] / Cat: Hamburg. Frankfurt. Ketchupstan. / Cat: There are so many places I'd like to go! / Grrrl: Ketchupstan. / Cat: "The Red Menace." / Grrrl: I couch surfed around there for a while. / Cat: Must be hard getting the couch down to the...
Stuck on an Island [[Cat and Girl are on a desert island, nothing but water all around them. A palm tree towers over them. Girl is holding binoculars. Cat's arms are full of coconuts.]] / Cat: I'm coco-psychotic!
Love-Love Girl: What's this? / [[Cat stands behind a table with a bow wrapped around it.]] / Cat: A tennis table. / Girl: A tennis table? / Cat: For table tennis! / Girl: Ping-pong? / Cat: Table tennis. / Girl: Ping-pong. / Cat: Table tennis! / Girl: Not everything is named for its relationship to tennis. / Cat:...
 
The Not as Good Part of Valor [[Girl sits at a desk by a window reading a book.]] / [[Cat approaches holding a sandwich.]] / Cat: Studying? / Girl: Yup. / [[Girl holds a book sideways. A centerfold cascades down. Cat and Girl are shocked.]] / Cat: Studying what? / Girl: Indiscrete math.
Multiplex [[Cat and Girl walk past the "Self Help" section in a book store. A sign reads "Help Yourself."]] / Girl: Does everyone have a complex? / Cat: I know I do! / [[Cat and Girl walk outside.]] / Cat: It's an Oedipus complex. / Girl: Oedipus? / Girl: You hate your father and desire your mother? / Cat: O no no / Cat:...
Unforgivable Acts Cat: You won't say it with me? / Girl: No! / Cat: But it's the truth. / Girl: That and forty ounces of Olde English will get you kicked out of the mall. / Cat: I'm saying it anyway. / Girl: Go right ahead! / Cat: I. Hate. Bush. / Girl: Who. Cares. / Cat: Bush is evil! / Girl: Everyone hates Bush now. / Girl:...
Nighthawks [[Girl and Grrrl enter a diner.]] / Girl: Why do you think they call it Denny's? / Grrrl: Dennis Hopper. / Girl: Yeah? / [[They sit at a booth.]] / Grrrl: I'm pretty sure they named it after Dennis Hopper. / Girl: Another outsider silenced by mainstream approval. / Girl: Obligatory example one - Travis...
Club Sports [[Girl is sitting at a computer.]] / Cat: They said I couldn't go back. / Girl: What? / Cat: The Future Corpses of America. They kicked me out! / Girl: They can do that? / Cat: "Fire Extinguishers are not toys." Like hell they're not! / Girl: Were they mean? / Cat: Well I guess they can't try to kill...
 
If You Can't Take the Heat [[Girl and Grrrl sit at a table playing dominoes.]] / <> / [[A framed portrait of Mr. Peanut is on the wall.]] / <> / Girl: Is there a fire? / Grrrl: Is it time for lunch? / Cat: I was just going through my bell collection. / <> / Grrrl: How can we...
The Lame Game Cat: Cat Cereal! / [[Cat holds a small slip of paper.]] / Girl: What? / Cat: That's my witness protection program name. Cat Cereal! / Girl: Let me see that. / Cat: It was at the bottom of my box of Cocoa Krispies. / Girl: "Witness Protection Program Name = [Your First Name] + [The first thing you see]" / Cat:...
Kiss Me, I'm... [[Girl is playing with a paddle ball. Boy has a baseball mitt on his hand.]] / Boy: It must be nice to have a distinct ethnic background. / <> / Girl: Small gene pools. Hereditary disorders. Unpleasant traditional foods. / <> / Boy: Folk dancing! Benevolent societies! Novelty shirts! / Cat:...
Books [[Two Dorothys stand side by side.]] / Dorothy: So yesterday - / Dorothy: So what yesterday? / Dorothy: So yesterday I was going to check over the Donation Derby book one last time before sending it to the printer. / Dorothy: Uh oh. / Dorothy: And the file was just gone. All the reworked derby cartoons...
Time-Life [[Girl beams, showing off her teeth.]] / Cat: What a beautiful smile! / Girl: I waited for three hours at the Dentist's office today. / Cat: And what lovely magazines they must have! / Girl: New York just makes me hate New York. People just makes me hate - you know. / Cat: And now you can eat all the...
 
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Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' [[Gavrilo Princip paces in a dark room lit by a single candle.]] / Princip: I'll show them - I'll show them - / Princip: Too weak to join the army huh? / Princip: Too weak - I'll show them - weak - I'll / Princip: I'll / Bad Decision Dinosaur: ASSASSINATE ARCHDUKE FRANZ FERDINAND / Princip: I'll assassinate...
Crazy Talk [[An owl sits on a tree branch outside a house. Girl is visible through the window.]] / Owl: HOO / [[Inside, Girl is carrying books.]] / Girl: Who? / [[Girl goes into the kitchen. Cat has his hand in a cookie jar.]] / Girl: Who is a brick house? / Cat: Monticello? / [[Cat gets a cookie.]] / Girl: I will...
Trivia Grrrl: Facts - figures - biological classifications. / Grrrl: A tourette's of the inane. / Grrrl: Too many words obscuring the truth like a swarm of bees obscures the hive. / Grrrl: But I can't stop myself. / Girl: Try drinking a glass of water upside down. / [[Girl hands Grrrl a glass of water.]] / [[Grrrl...
Opposite Day [[Girl sits at a table reading a book. Cat wears a party hat and waves his arms.]] / Cat: Happy birthday! / Girl: It's not my birthday. / Cat: Happy reverse birthday! / Girl: It's not my / [[Cat turns the hat on his head upside-down.]] / Cat: One year younger! / [[Cat blows a noisemaker.]] / Cat: <> / Girl:...
 

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