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|Lifestyles of the Nouveau Pauvre||[[The Beatnik Vampire and Girl are at a bar.]] / Girl: Rice and beans. Laundromats. / Vampire: Taking furniture from the garbage. / Girl: Hand me down VCRs. Movies from the library. / Vampire: Taking ketchup from McDonalds. / Vampire: Stealing toilet paper from bars. / Girl: Freezing in the winter. / Vampire: Earning less than you paid for college tuition. / Girl: Don't major in English next time. / Vampire: College was ONE course. / Vampire: UPPER MIDDLE CLASS SOCIALIZATION. 128 credits. / Girl: How did you do? / Vampire: NOT WELL.|
|Abstract Expressionist||[[Girl stands at a bus stop]] / <
|Hysteria||[[Cat's wearing a lab coat and holding a clipboard.]] / Cat: One out of five armchair doctors agree mental illness is a social construct! / Girl: Of course - we look to society for guidance in how to express ourselves. / Cat: Two out of seven armchairs agree AUGH GET OFF GET OFF / Girl: And diagnoses go in and out of vogue like diet fads - one day it's A.D.D. - the next it's hikikomori. / Cat: Three out of seven armchairs say get out more - learn to garden! / Girl: But if diagnosis is society's way of understanding what is wrong inside us that WRONGNESS is still real. / Cat: One out of every seven armchairs wants to know why you only use the living room when company comes over. / Girl: And we're ALL wrong inside - but only some of us are called ill. / Girl: Mental ILLNESS isn't the social construct - mental WELLNESS is. / Cat: And the last armchair wonders where is his mother - does she even remember.|
|Wheremones||[[Cat stands in front of the bathroom mirror brushing his hair.]] / [[Cat applies something to his face.]] / [[He beams.]] / [[Cat approaches Girl.]] / Girl: <
|Attention Shoppers||[[Girl is in a supermarket.]] / [[Grrrl approaches her, wearing a mask.]] / Grrrl: Pssssst - / Grrrl: It's my secret identity! / Girl: For what? / Grrrl: For WHAT for EVERYTHING / Grrrl: There's no PRIVACY in SOCIETY - our every MOVE is recorded by credit card and EZ pass - / Grrrl: You can't go outside without ending up on a surveillance camera or tagged in a photo on facebook! / Grrrl: A secret identity is the only response LEFT / Girl: A secret identity - / [[They move to the check out]] / [[Girl now also puts on a mask]] / [[Grrrl turns to the man working at the register.]] / Grrrl: Oh - Oh - I have my Shoprite club card. / Register: Beep - Welcome Grrrl - / Grrrl: I need the savings.|
|Ascending||[[Cat and Girl walk by a roller coaster and ticket booth.]]
/ Girl: John Kerry.
/ Cat: Woah. / [[Girl buys a ticket.]]
/ Girl: Feudalism is a pretty clear exchange.
/ Cat: Did my watch stop? / [[They get on the roller coaster]]
/ Girl: Subjects trade AUTONOMY for PROTECTION -
/ Cat: Or are we going to / <
|Descending||[[Cat and Girl are on a rollercoaster]] / Girl: Everyone's out for THEMSELVES - cashing in bonuses and fleeing the scene - securing their advantage AGAINST the hoi polloi rather than FOR it. / Girl: And if society FAILS so BE it! / Cat: What's this got to do with me? / [[Cat and Girl's car is poised on the verge of an sharply downward bit of roller coaster track.]] / Cat: Whee?|
|Our Candidate||[[Cat stands at a podium, microphones pointed at him. An American flag hangs behind him. Voices come from below the panel.]] / Voice: Excuse me / Voice: Excuse me - Over here / Voice: How would you address overcrowding in the prison system? / Cat: Touring productions of Godspell. / Voice: The rising unemployment rate- / Cat: High school is now EIGHT years long. / Voice: Abortion? / Cat: ONLY when requested. / Voice: Home foreclosures / Cat: Now is a good time to start your arts colony in an abandoned subdivision outside of Phoenix. / Voice: But the victims of NINJA loans / Cat: Throw in some dinosaur loans and maybe the internet will care. / Voice: Immigration - / [[Cat holds up a small American flag.]] / Cat: Our faltering economy will discourage people from coming here to make a better life for themselves. Woo! / Voice: Gas prices and renewable - / Cat: Public transportation discounts for anyone in formal wear! / Voice: Health care. / Cat: A single-payer system focused on preventative medicine? / Voices: Don't be RIDICULOUS!|
|Sand Mansions||[[Cat and Girl are at the beach. Cat is building a sand house.]]
/ Cat: I just had the roof redone. / Cat: And the new four car garage should improve the resale value. / Cat: Plus I've got a couple thousand sand dollars in the bank. / Girl: Sand dollars are at an all-time low against the euro. / Cat: I thought the mighty ocean would protect me.
/ Girl: Poseidon had to buy a controlling interest in the banks to ensure liquidity. / <
|Join the Club||[[Cat is in the kitchen with a pitcher.]] / Cat: I made Kool-Aid. / [[Cat carries the pitcher -]] / Cat: I made Kool-Aid. / [[outside, where Girl is sitting. / Cat: I made Kool-Aid! / Cat: Want some Kool-Aid? / Girl: No thanks. / Cat: Cold fresh Kool-Aid? / Girl: I'm trying to eat local. / Cat: So now you're too good for a death cult?|
|The Great Beyond||[[Cat and Girl walk down a city street.]] / [[Cat and Girl walk through a supermarket.]] / [[Cat and Girl walk outside.]] / [[Above them the nigh sky shimmers with stars.]] / Girl: There are infinite worlds. / [[They face each other.]] / Girl: The cassingle must be viable SOMEWHERE.|
|The Making of a Cat and Girl Cartoon||[[Dorothy sits at a table in front of a computer, drawing. Audio comes from the computer.]]
/ NPR: A two CD set featuring some of NPR's / NPR: funniest driveway moments - Here in the United States / NPR: five men go on trial today. They're all Muslims, they're all in their twenties, and they all lived in the Philadelphia area / NPR: at the time the US government said they were involved in a terrorist plot / NPR: to attack soldiers at Fort Dix in New Jersey.
|Pardon My French||[[Girl and the Beatnik Vampire are watching television.]] / Vampire: UGH / Vampire: Is it even POSSIBLE to be part of a culture when you're SO alienated by its ideals? / Vampire: Luxury without quality. / [[They step outside.]] / Vampire: Big cars - Big houses - Big flat screened TVs. / [[They enter a bar.]] / Vampire: How Nouveau Riche. / [[The Beatnik Vampire signals to the bartender.]] / Vampire: PBR? / Girl: How NOUVEAU PAUVRE.|
|Fear Street||[[Cat is dressed as a pirate and Girl has skull makeup on. The Beatnik Vampire is at the door in a bear costume.]] / Cat: Smokey! / Vampire: Bear Stearns. / [[The Alone Ranger is dressed like the devil.]] / Girl: You're - / Ranger: Hank Paulson! / [[Outside, Napoleon is dressed as a tank and Grrrl is in a toilet costume.]] / Napoleon: I'm the economy. / Grrrl: I'm seven hundred billion dollars! / Girl: Is anyone NOT dressed up as the global financial crisis? / [[Boy comes to the door.]] / Boy: I couldn't afford a costume.|
|Bad Decision Dinosaur in: Trick or Treat!||[[Bad Decision Dinosaur, dressed as a police officer, walks down the street dreaming of candy.]] / <
|Your 2008 Presidential Election Drinking Game||<
|Morning in America||[[Girl wakes up - it's a brand new sunny day!]] / [[Girl sits in the kitchen eating breakfast with a smile on her face.]] / [[Girl flosses her teeth.]] / [[Girl has a jacket and scarf on and she heads for the door carrying a backpack.]] / [[Girl walks outside, looking up at the sun.]] / [[Girl reaches a bus stop, where Grrrl is waiting.]] / [[Girl beams.]] / Grrrl: You're going to be disappointed. / Girl: I have until January 20!|
|Graveyard Shift||[[Cat and Girl are walking at night past a spooky graveyard. Cat looks worried.]] / <
|Party Trick||Cat: Let's get some food. / Girl: Sure - where? / Cat: There's a Farmer's Market - / Girl: YUPPIES! / Girl: Self-satisfied creative professionals patting themselves on the back for buying organic - NO - / Girl: For buying LOCAL - Organic's for hockey moms at Walmart now! GREEN is the new way to feel morally superior to those with less money - without, you know, putting it THAT WAY. / Cat: People with jobs - / Girl: People with JOBS. How EASY is that? Tithe forty hours a week and you get food to eat and a place to sleep and you never have to see the inside of a laundromat again! / Cat: I - / Girl: You? A HOUSEPET? You have no PRIVACY when you CRAP but otherwise it's SMOOTH SAILING on SOMEONE ELSES' DIME. / Cat: Endangered species. / Girl: Oh like there's ANYONE looking out for ME. / Cat: You can twist ANYTHING into resentment. / Girl: I used to make balloon animals.|
|Limitless Possibility||[[A mailbox stands in front of a suburban home.]] / [[Cat opens the door of the house.]] / [[Cat approaches the mailbox, excited.]] / [[Cat pulls mail out of the mailbox.]] / Cat: "Resident" / Cat: Resident - Resident - / Cat: Dear Occupant - Dear Resident - To the folks at - / Cat: "Winner" / [[Cat stares at the envelope]] / Cat: Shows what THEY know.|
|Happily Ever After||[[Girl is in bed, and Cat is sitting in a chair next to the bed. The moon shines through the window.]] / Cat: Once upon a time - / Cat: There was a MAINSTREAM. / Cat: And everyone watched network television and ate meatloaf and read Life Magazine. Except for some beatniks and unassimilated immigrant groups. / Girl: You're just saying that to SCARE me. / Cat: No - listen - / Cat: The mainstream THRIVED in a time of limited choices and limited information. / Cat: But then the internet came and now everyone's an expert in everything, the end. / Girl: What happened to the mainstream? / Cat: The National Guard froze it and locked it in a Johnny Rockets high above the arctic circle and it will never ever escape. Good night. / Girl: Good night. / [[Girl stares into space, unable to sleep.]]|
|Good Fortune||[[The Alone Ranger sits at the bar, one finger up, waiting for a drink.]] / [[He sits with his drink.]] / [[He walks out of the bar and into the cold.]] / [[The Alone Ranger spots money in the snow.]] / [[He imagines himself back in the bar.]] / Alone Ranger: A round on me! / [[Holding the money, he imagines himself being embraced by the bar patrons.]] / [[Back in the bar, the Alone Ranger holds up the bill and orders four drinks.]] / [[He keeps all four drinks for himself.]]|
|The Banks of Denial||[[Girl and Cat are in a rowboat.]] / Girl: Where are the captains of industry willing to go down with the ship? / Girl: The Hamburglers of Calais - fat with profit - but willing to step up when called upon. / Girl: Our captains of industry don't make anything but money. / Girl: The employer might feel some responsibility to the employee but the swindler has no sympathy for the swindled. / Girl: That's not a SOCIETY - that's a PYRAMID SCHEME! / Cat: They do make it easy to find the Pharaohs responsible.|
|Chain of Command||[[Boy is standing in an office by a copier holding a piece of cake.]] / Boy: Work birthdays. / Boy: Casual fridays. / Boy: Like we're pretending work is some kind of negotiated and considered CHOICE / Boy: Instead of the PRICE we pay for living in a society where anyone BIGGER or STRONGER than us can't just take whatever of ours they want. / [[A short man in office casual approaches Boy.]] / [[He stares intently at Boy's cake.]] / [[He scarfs down Boy's cake while Boy looks in the other direction.|
|Commodities||[[Cat and Girl are in the supermarket.]] / Girl: Milk is expensive. / Girl: Cereal's expensive. / Girl: Eggs are expensive. / Cat: And who can afford to raise children? / Girl: I BELIEVE I should be content with bread and water. / Cat: Bread is how America punishes itself. / Girl: But the seduction of the physical world is too great! / Cat: Even monks made beer and pretzels. / Girl: Not that there aren't people for whom CLEAN DRINKING WATER is a rare luxury. / Cat: Let them eat organic!|
|Living Alone||[[The Alone Ranger stands in the supermarket, considering a small carton of milk.]] / [[He asks for one sausage at the meat counter.]] / [[He checks out - milk, sausage, potatoes, wine.]] / [[He arrives home with his bag of groceries.]] / [[In the kitchen he fries up the sausage.]] / [[He sits in front of the television, eating sausage and potatoes and drinking a glass of wine.]] / [[He has an idea.]] / [[He leaves.]] / [[He watches television and eats dinner in his underpants.]]|
|Greek to Me||Girl: We can spend our lives always seeking - wanting - MORE - / Girl: or we can be satisfied with what we've got. / Girl: Which is the greater tragedy? / Cat: You make everything sad. / Girl: Do you have a best friend? / Cat: Let's do something FUN. / Girl: I like fun. / Cat: Let's have a POOL PARTY! / Girl: I'll rent Diabolique!|
|Ghosts||[[A skeleton with no face in a black cowl and polo shirt stands in a supermarket aisle.]] / [[He's considering a tube of food.]] / [[He checks to see that no one is watching.]] / <
|Bad Decision Doublemint Dinosaur||[[Bad Decision Dinosaur, holding binoculars, watches a bird in a tree]] / [[A Dinosaur with an "M" on his shirt eats a hot dog and waves to Cat and Girl as they pass by in a rowboat.]] / [[Mystery Dinosaur has an idea]] / [[He pushes another boat into the water]] / [[He paddles down the stream, delighted]] / [[Bad Decision Dinosaur sees him go by. He is shocked.]]|
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