You're browsing the archives of Cat and Girl.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
|Costume Shop||[[Cat and Girl look through a costume shop.]] / Cat: "Hippie"? / Girl: No. / Cat: "Feminist"? / Girl: No. / Cat: "Chav"? / Girl: Ugh, no. / Girl: Don't even say it. / Girl: Like we don't have enough words for making fun of people poorer than us. / Grrrl: "Chav" isn't about money. It's about class. / Girl: Fine. / Girl: Like we don't have enough words for making fun of people whose grandparents were poorer than our grandparents. / Cat: "Carrie"? "The Rage: Carrie 2"? / Cat: "Hipster" costume? / Girl: The bag is empty. / [[She opens it. A small piece of paper floats out.]] / [[Girl reads from it.]] / Girl: "Instructions:" / Girl: "Walk around complaining about hipsters."|
|Flooding||[[Girl holds her head in her hands.]] / [[Cat approaches her.]] / Girl: I'd think we were being punished if I believed in anything that might punish us. / Cat: Let's play the silver lining game. / Girl: OK. / Girl: National attention has been drawn to the destruction of coastal wetlands that increased New Orleans' vulnerability. / Cat: Rapidly rising prices might finally force Americans to rethink their dependence on oil. / Girl: Sleater-Kinney have something to write their next album about.|
|Iconography Today||[[Girl stands outside of two restrooms. One door has a sign marked "Ladies." The other has a sign marked "Whores."]]|
|Boy Lucks Out||[[Boy sits on the bank of a river, fishing.]]
/ Boy: <
|Ready-made Generational Touchstone||[[Cat stands by the microwave.]]
|Death and Tchotchkes||[[Cat wanders through a store. Paintings, television sets, lamps and a harp are on display.]] / [[Cat checks the lamp's price tag.]] / [[Cat turns to Girl.]]
/ Cat: I think I've caught the bug. / Cat: The antiquing bug. / Cat: <
|Out of Vogue||[[Girl and Grrrl enter a practice space. Two girls who look like Grrrl are there.]]
/ Grrrl: This is the band.
/ Bassist: Hi.
/ Drummer: Hey! / [[Grrrl unpacks her guitar.]]
/ Grrrl: We're calling ourselves "The Upper Middle Class." / Girl: Have any new songs?
/ Grrrl: A few. / [[Grrrl tunes.]]
/ Grrrl: "My Book (was a moderate success)." / Grrrl: "Cat I get this in Organic?" / Grrrl: "Nina Totenberg Nina Totenberg." / Grrrl: That's to the tune of "Louie Louie." / [[Grrrl plugs her guitar into her amp.]] / Grrrl: You guys ready?
/ Drummer: Yeah! / [[The drummer counts off.]]
|Ich bin ein Toast||[[Cat is about to touch the butter. Girl looks over from the refrigerator.]] / Girl: Don't touch that! / Cat: What? / Girl: I'm making toast. / Cat: Ooh, I'll help! Hold on. / [[Cat leaves. Girl stirs batter.]] / [[Cat returns carrying books.]] / Cat: You can start with "1001 Purportedly Humorous Anecdotes," page 87. / Cat: We can follow with something from "Asinine Sports Analogies." / Cat: Now, volume one of "Assorted American Alliteration" - / Girl: I'm making french toast. / [[They look at each other.]] / Cat: "Histoires au Sujet d'une Petite Bicyclette?" / Girl: Non.|
|After-School Activities||Girl: Hey, do you want to come over? / Girl: I'm working on a lecture about the legacy of John Waters as embodied by the post-"Hairspray" careers of Ricki Lake and Vitamin C. / Girl: I made puppets! / [[Girl holds up two sock puppets resembling John Waters and Ricki Lake in "Hairspray.]] / Boy: I'm busy. / Girl: Doing what? / Boy: Practice. Diabeats practice. / Girl: "Diabeats?" / Boy: It's this group. Uh, we go to high school gyms. / Boy: We rap about insulin and safe blood sugar levels. / Boy: We fight the Sugarhill Gang.|
|Mime Time||[[Cat smiles and waves his hands.]] / [[He waves his hands to the right.]] / [[He waves his hands to the left.]] / Girl: That doesn't spell "Y-M-C-A." / Cat: I'm in a box! / [[Cat points right at the edge of the panel.]] / Cat: Box here! / [[Cat points up at the edge of the panel.]] / Cat: Box there! / [[Girl looks up.]] / Cat: Everywhere trapped by box. / [[Girl looks.]] / Cat: You only like things with words. / Girl: Are there any good biographies of Marcel Marceau? / Cat: Yeah. but stay away from the audiobook.|
|The Regular Crowd Shuffles In||Girl: John at the bar is Bill's analogue. / Girl: But John has a dream - being a movie star. He just can't get out of that place. / Girl: Paul, the real estate novelist. Davy of the Navy. Clinging to what remains of their hopes. / [[Girl sits in the kitchen drinking coffee. Cat comes in to join her.]]
/ Girl: The piano man just keeps playing. / Girl: Whose word do we have that it's he they've been coming to see? The piano man could be as delusional as the old man making love to his tonic and gin. / Girl: They're all stuck in that bar. They're all lonely. / [[Cat and Girl leave the kitchen.]] / Girl: The piano man - Bill - JOEL - / Girl: he's the drunken wreck whose dreams have been realized and found empty, un-self-consciously peddling pity to those whose dreams still hold hope. / Girl: He's lonely -
|Fine Art||[[Cat and Girl stand looking at Turner's painting "The Burning of the Houses of Lords and Commons."]] / [[They look.]] / [[They look.]] / Girl: Did we turn the oven off?|
|Something in the Air||[[Girl considers a backgammon board, a cup of tea at her side.]] / [[She smells something in the air.]] / Girl: <
|Nighthawks||Cat: Ugh. / [[Girl is in the kitchen holding a box of cat food.]] / Girl: We're cat sitting, not redecorating. / [[Edward Hopper's painting "Nighthawks."]] / Cat: Where do you even get a painting like that? / [[Cat and Girl look at the painting.]] / Girl: IKEA? / [[The leave.]] / [[Cat comes back for one last look.]] / [["Nighthawks." At the counter of the diner in the painting sit Sonny Bono, John Denver and Aaliyah. Jim Croce stands behind the counter.]]|
|School Shopping||[[Cat and Girl enter a store.]] / Girl: Eros and Thanatos - the purchase and the return. / [[They walk among towels, glassware and large baskets.]] / Girl: The myth of creation as a hand-made tchotchke - / Girl: Physical labor outsourced, tchotchke priced to move. / Girl: The aesthetics of nostalgia for an agrarian society. / [[A sign says "Cosmetics Sale Khmer Rouge 25%"]] / [[Cat holds a candle.]] / Girl: As if "simpler times" were ever more simple. / Girl: As if "simpler times" doesn't refer to a dictatorship of hard labor and near starvation. / Girl: And I don't see anything we can afford. / [[They leave.]] / Girl: Pol Pottery Barn's a bust. / Cat: We should try Banana Republic.|
|Large Mediums||[[Cat and Girl sit on the couch watching television.]] / Girl: Early television programs never showed people watching TV. / Girl: Like television's application for "real object" status was still pending. / Girl: It wasn't until "The Simpsons" and "Roseanne" that we saw a realistic portrayal of the television as modern hearth and center of the living room. / Girl: Yet the internet was fixed in a navel-gazing loop from the start. / Girl: Is it the more participatory nature of the beast? Our relationship to the medium? / Girl: If television's a babysitter, the internet's a drunk librarian who won't shut up. / Girl: Why do we listen? / [[They look at the television.]] / Girl: What do people talk about if they don't talk about the internet? / Cat: Candlepin bowling? Latin?|
|Slap Fight||Beatnik Vampire: The only Wes Anderson film I like is "Bottle Rocket." / Cat: The only Bill Murray film I like is "Ghostbusters II." / Beatnik Vampire: Thai food is better than Chinese. / Cat: Cuban food made by Mexicans is better than Italian food made by Albanians. / Beatnik Vampire: I believe in respecting all the world's cultures. Except for NASCAR. / Cat: And professional wrestling. / Beatnik Vampire: I saw Modest Mouse in Berlin in 1999. / Cat: I saw Berlin in Chicago. / Beatnik Vampire: I read "Swann's Way" in the original French. / Cat: I read "Swann's Way" in the bathroom. / Beatnik Vampire: I went to college. / Cat: I'm a self-taught pretentious jerk!|
|The World's Largest Cubicle||[[Cat and Girl do research. Girl reads a book called "Wonders of the Modern World."]] / [[Cat and Girl look at a map.]] / [[Cat and Girl argue about the bag on the kitchen counter marked "Trail Mix." Cat holds a box of carob.]] / [[Cat and Girl hike through a forest. A bird sings.]] / [[Night. Cat and Girl eat around a campfire.]] / [[Cat and Girl walk, now in winter clothing. Snow is on the ground and icicles hang from the trees.]] / [[Cat and Girl approach a wood. A sign says "Warning" and a decapitated snowman points the way.]] / [[Girl points to the cliff the sun is rising over.]] / [[The sun is up. Cat and Girl look up at a giant cubicle with desktop computer carved into the cliff.]] / [[Cat takes a photograph.]]
|Traffic||[[Cat and Girl are in a car. Cat is driving, his teeth gritted, sweat pouring from his forehead. On the buildingd near the road hangs a banner: "If you lived here you'd be urinating now."]]|
|The Black Freighter||You say "Work on, take these envelopes, my boy, / [[An office. Boy is handed envelopes.]] / color-code them all in order of expiration." / [[Boy works at his desk.]] / And your folders will be filed, and your coffee will be made, / [[Boy, shaking, carries a cup of coffee to a man in a dark office.]] / but there's no Christmas bonus coming anybody's way. / [[Close-up of Boy's face.]] / And you'll never guess to whom you're talking. No, you'll never guess to whom you're talking. / [[Boy sits starting into his computer.]] / Still one fine day there's a bang from the harbor / [[Boy is washing his hands in the employee restroom.]] / and you'll ask "Maintenance, what is that sound?" / [[The man in the dark office has picked up his telephone.]] / And you'll see me kind of staring out the window. / And you'll say, "What's he got to stare at now?" / [[The boss from the dark office talks to another man at the water cooler.]] / [[Blackest night. A ship slides into view.]] / And the ship, the black freighter, / fifty-five cannons sailing into view.|
|The Black Freighter||By noontime the docks are swarming with men
/ [[An office break room, a dirty cup of coffee by the sink.]] / coming out form the ghostly freighter.
/ [[A water cooler.]] / They move in the shadows, where no one can see
/ [[A cup of coffee and a desktop computer.]] / and they're chaining up people and they're bringing them to me.
/ [[A shadowy figure moves out from another cubicle.]] / Asking me, "Kill them now or later?"
/ [[A pair of eyes worries and sweats in the dark.]] / [[Boy snaps out of his daydream.]]
/ Boss: Heads up, junior! I need these collated by two. / Asking me, "Kill them now or later?"
/ [[A pair of eyes worries and sweats in the dark.]] / Boss: And when you're done come by my office. I need my losing lotto numbers entered into a spreadsheet. / [[Boy sits at his desk.]] / Boy: <
|Feeling Hard or Hardly Feeling||[[Cat drinks from a can of paint.]] / [[He licks his lips.]] / Cat: What? / [[Girl is sad.]] / Girl: Do you ever feel like you've got this - hole that goes straight through the middle of you? / Girl: Like there's a hole at the center of everyone? / Girl: And we try to fill it with shopping or eating, drinking or working or religion. / Girl: But it won't be filled. Satiated, briefly. But it's bottomless, gnawing. It always demands more. / Girl: And maybe we need that hole. Maybe without it we'd have no direction, no ambition. / Girl: Maybe the nagging edge of despair is the only thing that keeps us alive. / [[Cat looks at Girl.]] / Cat: You're about as much fun as a party full of bloggers.|
|House Arrest||[[Cat sits at a window looking outside.]] / [[He sees a fly.]] / [[Cat lunges for the fly and misses.]] / Offscreen voice: Ha Ha Ha Ha / [[Two cats sit on a fence.]] / Tuxedo Cat: Hey house cat! / Crosseyed Cat: Ha Ha / Tuxedo Cat: I bet you crap in a box. / Tuxedo Cat: You sleep in people's laps. / Tuxedo Cat: You mark your territory with a PENCIL and a RULER. / Cat: Shut up! / Tuxedo Cat: Come out here and make me! / Cats: Ha Ha Ha / Cat: When my probation's over you'll be sorry!|
|God Bless America||[[Cat and Girl are watching television.]] / Cat: What was the name of the Mary Tyler Moore spinoff starring her ugly friend? / Girl: "Rhoda." And she was NOT ugly. / Cat: "Rhoda!" / Girl: Valerie Harper. Later of "Valerie." / Girl: Which became "Valerie's Family" when she left. And then "The Hogan Family." / Cat: Starring Sandy Duncan! And Jason Bateman! / Cat: While his sister Justine starred in "Family Ties." / Girl: And Kirk Cameron was in "Growing Pains" while HIS sister Candace was in "Full House." / Girl: "Full House" came on after "Perfect Strangers," whose spinoff show "Family Matters" introduced Urkel. / Girl: That was followed with "Step by Step," featuring the girl who starred in...? / [[Cat thinks.]] / Cat: I don't know. / Girl: "My Two Dads." / Cat: I'll never pass the naturalization exam!|
|Outdoor Activities||[[Cat and Girl sit on the couch. Girl reads.]] / Cat: Race you to the upper middle class. Ready go! / [[Cat and Girl run past the kitchen.]] / [[They run outside. Cat breathes heavily. Girl inches ahead.]] / [[Girl gains more ground.]] / Girl: Oof! / [[Girl takes a spill. Cat keeps running.]] / [[Girl lies on the ground.] / [[She looks up.]] / Girl: Grad school is cheating!|
|Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark||[[Cat sits reading and listening to music on a boombox.]] / [[Girl comes in, shaking her fist.]]
/ Girl: There are two types of people in the world - / Girl: The people who say "boo hoo" in a sarcastic voice and the people who pretend to play a tiny violin. / <
|Happy Birthday||[[Girl wears a party hat and Cat holds a present.]]
/ Girl: We celebrate birthdays for the new opportunities they give is. / Girl: Like "Happy eighteenth birthday, now you can chew tobacco and join the military without your parents' permission!" / Girl: "Happy twelfth birthday, welcome to the adult menu." / Girl: But we should also celebrate the opportunities we lose. / Girl: "Now that you are two: Goodbye Sudden Infant Death Syndrome! / Girl: Or "Happy Twenty-fifth birthday, if you're not schizophrenic yet you probably won't be!" / Girl: "And you'll never be a prodigy." / [[Girl is sad.]] / [[Cat blows a noisemaker and holds his present out to Girl.]]
|Take Warning||[[Girl stops Cat.]] / Girl: Look both ways before you cross the street! / Girl: Turn the water off while you brush your teeth! / Girl: Don't stick your finger in the electrical socket! / [[Cat walks outside, finally alone.]] / Cat: I don't have to listen to her. / Cat: My only rule is that there are no rules! / [[Cat smiles.]] / Cat: Wait. / Cat: That's a rule. / Cat: The only rule is that there's just one rule. / Cat: And this is it. / [[Cat sees a brick wall with "Pantera Rules" spraypainted on it.]] / Cat: There are two rules...|
|United Nations Brunch Council||Girl: I'm Nigeria. Nigeria is the birthplace of Juju and Afrobeat. / Beatnik Vampire: I'm Slovakia. I celebrate May 8 as Victory over Fascism Day. / Mouse: I'm Saudi Arabia. Watch me dance the Ardha! / Boy: I'm Mongolia. I use Yak's milk butter as fuel for my lamps. / Grrrl: I'm Bolivia. I'm home to the world's highest navigable lake, Lake Titticaca. / Cat: I'm Hungary. Who's gonna make me a sandwich?|
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 >>