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Versus an International Army Comprised Solely of Bees 2 China Bee: She's not funny. / France Bee: Her reaction makes them funny. / France Bee: She is the structure that makes them possible. / China Bee: But it's the unnecessary that is art! / France Bee: She is the sun to their planets! / USA Bee: But we cannot live on the sun! / China Bee: Betty White! / USA Bee: Rue McClanahan! / France Bee: Bee Arthur! / Mexico Bee: Cease your petty squabbles. / Mexico Bee: An enemy approaches! Are we ready to fight? / Mexico Bee: Ich habe gesagt "Are we ready to fight?" / Bees: Yeah! / Mexico Bee: Etes-vous prets buzz? / France Bee: Yeah! / Mexico Bee: {{chinese characters}} / China Bee: Yeah! / Mexico Bee: What comes after "A?" / Bees: Us! / [[Bees surround Cat and Girl.]] / Cat: Ow! / Girl: Help!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1108
Girl versus Empty Paint Cans [[As Girl walks along]] / [[she sees more and more empty paint cans.]] / [[Cat is standing at an easel.]] / Girl: Cat? / Cat: Did you know you can paint with this stuff? / Girl: Well, yeah. / Cat: It's fantastic! / Girl: It's called paint. / Cat: Look! / [[Cat has painted the Mona Lisa with cat ears and goggles.]] / Cat: By reducing myself to two dimensions and placing myself in these masterpieces of western painting - / [[Cat has also drawn cat ears and goggles in "Blue Boy," "American Gothic" and "Les Demoiselles d'Avignon."]] / Cat: I'm questioning capitalism's two-dimensional linear view of progress while uniting these "great works" with a common theme - / Cat: Me! / [[Girl looks at him.]] / Cat: People like crap with cats on it.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1110
The Boy Without a Country [[Boy sees a sign in a window that says "Love it or Leave it." An American flag is above it.]] / [[Boy walks away.]] / Boy: American doesn't want me. / Boy: I've got no other identity. / [[Boy stands.]] / Boy: I've got no overriding ethnicity. / Boy: I'm not religious. / Boy: I'm not Cajun or queer or a Shriner. / Boy: Who am I gonna blame for my crummy childhood?
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1112
Cliques to Watch Out For [[Girl wears a safety vest and carries a stop sign.]] / Girl: They may try to assimilate you! / Jocks. / Nerds. / Hippies. / Freaks. / Metalheads. / Rich kids. / Bankers. / Nerds. / Yuppies. / Hipsters. / The working class. / Rich kids. / [[Cat wiggles from side to side.]] / Cat: This dance is called the class mobility.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1114
Hope for the Hopeless [[Grrrl and Bad Decision Dinosaur sit in a diner. Bad Decision Dinosaur is talking about a prehistoric era, when dinosaurs roamed the earth playing tennis.]] / [[But there was trouble in paradise! One dinosaur got hit in the eye with a tennis ball.]] / [[Bad Decision Dinosaur starts to ramble.]] / Grrrl: Hey! / Grrrl: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. They just became birds! / [[Bad Decision Dinosaur places a hand on Grrrl's shoulder.]] / <>
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1117
 
The City Mouse & the Country Mouse & [[Cat and Country Cat argue over a light switch.]] / Cat: On! / Country Cat: Off! / [[Cat and Country Cat are in a car looking at a map.]] / Cat: Left! / Country Cat: Right! / [[Cat and Country Cat are eating out of bowls.]] / Cat: Hot! / Country Cat: Girl! / [[Cat and Country Cat sit on the subway.]] / Cat: North! / Country Cat: South! / [[Cat and Country Cat wander through the desert.]] / Cat: North! / Country Cat: South! / [[Cat and Country Cat wander through the snow.]] / Cat: North! / Country Cat: South! / [[Cat and Country Cat are indoors.]] / Cat: North! / Country Cat: South! / [[Girl is reading.]] / Cat and Country Cat: Where do penguins live? / Grrrl: Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere. / Girl: But they don't just love in cold climates! / Grrrl: They go as far north as the equator! / <> / [[A mouse drives up in a little car.]] / Mouse: Have you seen my cousins? I just drove in all the way from the suburbs.
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Girl versus Fashion 2 [[Girl stands at a bus stop. A guy walks by wearing a black "Heavy Metal" shirt.]] / [[Girl stands at a bus stop. A girl walks by wearing a Kenny Loggins shirt.]] / [[Girl stands at a bus stop. Leaves fall. A guy walks by wearing an "Emo" hoodie.]] / [[Girl stands at a bus stop. Snow falls. A girl walks by in earmuffs and a shirt that says "Sno White."]] / [[Girl is in bed. She turns off the light.]] / [[Girl's eyes are closed she shudders.]] / [[Girl is dreaming. A man with empty eyes appears.]] / Man: Why did you mock the ironic tee shirts of yesteryear? / Man: They offered but simple wish fulfillment... / [[A lady is wearing a "Rodeo Champ" shirt.]] / Man: ...fame, or working class credibility... / [[A man is wearing a button-up gas station shirt.]] / Man: ...imaginary, welcoming social milieus... / [[A guy wears an Abercrombie and Fitch Co-ed Softball tee shirt.]] / Girl: I was wrong. / Man: Then follow me. / [[The man opens his arms wide. His tee shirt says "I'm with Stupid." The clouds part.]] / Man: I am the ghost of ironic tee shirts past.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1121
The Spirit of Ironic Tee Shirts [[Girl sleeps restlessly in her bed. A shadow falls across her.]] / [[In her dreams, Girl is being led by the arm.]] / Girl: Where are you taking me? / Shadow: To an ironic tee shirt retailer... / [[The Ghost of Ironic Tee Shirt Present. It is a giant lizard with bags under its eyes.]] / Present: ...in the present. / [[An "Unemployed" tee shirt.]] / Present: Where the escapist tee shirt dreams of the go go 90s have been superseded by a harsher reality. / [[In a store. There is a rack of "Gettin' Lucky in Kentucky" shirts.]] / Present: Where ironic tee shirt tourism now travels to take potshots at the states hit hardest by America's loss of manufacturing jobs. / [[Girl looks at a "Hoover's Your Daddy" shirt.]] / Present: where the problems of a business take all economy are alluded to without being talked about - / [[The ghost is wearing a "Voting is for Old People" shirt.]] / Present: - creating an overwhelming sense of giddy, navel-gazing hopelessness. / Present: What does it mean when oneliner apathy is promoted and sold by a conservative Republican who has given over $10,000 to Rick Santorum? / Girl: It means we're being told to forget our dreams by those whose damaging and repressive economic and social policies ensure that we don't stand a chance anyway? / Present: It means you're screwed.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1123
The Spirit of Ironic Tee Shirts 2 [[The Ghost of Ironic Tee Shirts Present, who looks like a big lizard with bags under its eyes, is talking. A shirt that says "Punk" flies by on angel wings.]] / Present: The volatile nature of irony allows it to be used against the shirt's owner - / [[A "Not Everything is Flat in Kansas" shirt floats by/]] / Present: The ironic tee shirts of the present eliminate that risk by not being funny - / [[Girl watches an "Olde English 800" shirt float past.]] / Present: - by not making a statement - / [["On the Rebound - You'll Do" and "Laid Back" shirts go by.]] / Present: by being so shallow as to only allow one reading. / Present: They are thrift store shirts cut off from history - / [[A grandfather clock strikes midnight.]] / <> / Present: poaching names and images just to play off of the supposed meaninglessness of the reference. / [[The Ghost of Ironic Tee Shirts Present vanishes in a puff of smoke.]] / <> / [[Now a creature in a black hooded cloak carrying an hourglass appears. It is wearing a tee shirt that says "Oklahoma" over the cloak.]] / Future: I've never been to Oklahoma. No one went to Oklahoma to buy this shirt for me. This shirt has never been worn by anyone with the slightest connection to Oklahoma. / <> / [[A "Who's Your Daddy?" shirt appears in the distance.]] / Future: These images don't carry on a dialogue with the world. / <> / [["Rock Star" and "Porn Star" shirts float in the background.]] / Future: Where we once posed as someone else - / [[Lightning strikes. A cemetery at night. The Ghost of Ironic Tee Shirts Future points into an open grave.]] / Future: Now we admit that we are no one at all! / Girl: No, spirit! I can change!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1125
Fraternal Organization [[Girl sits at a kitchen table drinking coffee and reading a book.]] / Girl: Since identical twins are different - / [[Girl zips up her jacket.]] / Girl: - since they share a nature - they are made different at birth, when their experiences begin to diverge. / [[Girl walks outside in a jacket and hat. The breath from her mouth freezes in the air.]] / Girl: So I, accumulating different experiences minute by minute - / [[Girl checks the mailbox.]] / Girl: - am really a succession of different people people moving forward along one path. / [[Girl is surrounded by the Girls from the previous five panels.]] / Panel One Girl: You read too many comics.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1127
 
Mysteries of the Unknown Girl: ...UFOs, Atlantis, the Loch Ness Monster. / Girl: I mean, if Atlantis is real then where is it? / Grrrl: Berlin. / Girl: Huh? / Grrrl: Berlin. / Grrrl: Williamsburg before that. / Grrrl: The lower east side, the left bank, Zurich - it moves around. / Girl: Berlin isn't the domain of Poseidon! / Grrrl: That part's just a rumor. / Girl: You're telling me there's a secret hipster Shangri-la... / Girl: That moves around and is called Atlantis. / Grrrl: Yep. / Girl: Can I come? / Grrrl: Uh - / Girl: Why not? I'm cool! / Girl: Right? / [[Grrrl says nothing.]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1129
In Search of Atlantis [[Grrrl walks outside.]] / [[She passes a store called Dreamworld.]] / [[She walks down to Pie in the Sky.]] / [[Grrrl steps through a hole in the fence behind the dumpster.]] / [[She sees Arcadia]] / [[And walks through it, to Paradise Garage.]] / [[She walks past a record store.]] / [[She walks past a sale on milk and honey.]] / [[A door stands in the parking lot.]] / [[The sign beside it says "You must know this much about Plastic Bertrand to enter."]] / [[Inside the doorway is sky and clouds.]] / [[Cat sits at a cafe table as Grrrl approaches.]] / Cat: Took your sweet time.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1131
Cat and Girl's Fifth Anniversary Clip Show Spectacular [[Cat and Girl stand in front of a curtain.]] / Girl: How do you feel? / Cat: Old. / Girl: I'm excited! / Cat: Can I retire now? / Girl: What's this in cat years? / Cat: Incontinence and death. / [[The spotlight comes on.]] / Girl: Wow, five years. / Girl: So much has changed! / Girl: And we have had so many adventures. / Girl: Like that time Cat bought the cursed tchotchke. / [[Cat and Girl run from ghosts as Cat holds a small hula girl figure.]] / Girl: Or when we got stuck in an elevator with Bea Arthur! / Girl: Or when we foiled that phony heiress. / [[Cat grabs a wig off the head of a man in an evening dress.]] / Girl: And who can forget "Cat and Girl in the Food Pyramid of Doom?" / [[Cat and Girl are tied together and being menaced by a large toothy apple and a large piece of bread.]] / Cat: I don't remember any of those things. / Bea Arthur: Shady Pines, Cat! Shady Pines!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1133
Nostalgia Science [[A television screen.]] / Channel 4 Breaking News / Sciencetician: The half life of nostalgia is rapidly decreasing! / [[Cat and Girl are watching television.]] / Girl: All culture is moving faster. / Cat: Backwards or forwards? / Girl: Same thing. / Girl: What's important is that our attention span decreases apace. / Girl: That our new recording materials become obsolete quicker, deteriorate faster. / Girl: Past, present, future - it's the same stuff happening over and over again. / Girl: If we remembered - if we could make an indestructible recording of civilization - there would be no point in living. / Girl: The bottom of Pandora's box offered not just hope, but amnesia. / [[Girl has opened a box. Black smoke pours out.]] / Ringer Guy: Things were better in the fifties! / Hoodie Girl: High School was awesome!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1135
This Old White House [[Cat reads a book called "Construction and Gardening Tips of the Presidents."]] / [[Cat holds a hammer. He stares at a toy duck with a bent nail in its head.]] / Cat: "A house divided against itself cannot stand." / Cat: "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." / Cat: "Speak softly and carry a full set of drill bits." / Cat: "The only thing we have to fear is improperly grounded wire." / Cat: "Measure twice, cut once." / [[Cat looks at the duck.]] / Girl: Bob Vila was never president! / Cat: Then why is he on the quarter? / [[Cat holds a quarter with Bob Vila's face on it.]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1137
 
Name Calling Cat: Girls don't play the drums. / Cat: Girls don't change lightbulbs. / Cat: Girls don't beat me at backgammon. / Cat: Girls don't make me clean up after myself. / Cat: Girls don't give me funny looks. / Girl: Cats don't eat paint. / Cat: Kitty Dukakis did!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1139
Study Buddies Grrrl: James K. Polk? / Girl: Cholera. / Grrrl: Franklin Pierce? / Girl: Abdominal dropsy. / Grrrl: Thomas Jefferson? / Girl: Uh - Pneumatic gout? / Grrrl: Chronic diarrhea. / Girl: Chronic diarrhea! I'm going to fail. / Grrrl: Why do we have to learn this stuff? / Girl: It's important to know how the presidents died? / Grrrl: It's to keep us from thinking! / Girl: I'm thinking about chronic diarrhea. / Grrrl: We should be learning about Democracy and we're studying dropsy! / Grrrl: I don't want to be a student - I want to be a politician. / Grrrl: A gender politician. / Cat: Like Zachary Taylor? / Girl: He was a Whig. / Cat: Eh, you people are all the same. / Girl and Grrrl: No we're not!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1141
Boy Wonders [[Girl holds a book called "Dick Van Dyke."]] / Boy: They should have called it "Young Turks and Ottomans." / Girl: Ha! / [[In real life.]] / Boy: Ummm. / [[In a dream, Boy sits on a porch playing the banjo. Girl claps.]] / Boy: Oh Susanna oh don't you cry for me well I come from Alabama / [[In real life.]] / Girl: Do you play? / Boy: Ummm. / [[In a dream, Boy and Girl walk through the woods.]] / Boy: Really! I can find magnetic north without using a compass. / Girl: Wow. / [[In real life.]] / Girl: Which way is home? / Boy: Ummm. / [[In a dream, Boy and Girl stand on a sheet of ice.]] / Girl: Is it safe to cross? / Boy: Yes - the ice is over two inches thick. / [[In real life. Boy falls through the ice.]] / Girl: Is it safe to cross? / Boy: Ah! / [[Boy walks indoors talking to himself.]] / Boy: If only there was a way to show I can be cool on the inside. / [[Boy walks to Dorothy, who is sitting behind a desk drawing.]] / [[They look at each other.]] / Dorothy: Get your own gimmick!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1143
Famous Artists of Cartoonland [[A teacher stands in front of the blackboard holding chalk. The blackboard says "What I want to be when I grow up."]] / [[Boy raises his hand.]] / Boy: A doctor. To help people. / [[Grrrl raises her hand.]] / Grrrl: A gender politician. To help people. / Girl: An artist. / Girl: The life of the mind. / [[Girl paints a still life of a skull and fruit in a room illuminated by a single lightbulb.]] / Girl: Selling what I could to get by. / [[Girl stands on the street with her paintings.]] / Girl: Going to cafes. / [[Girl listens while friends in berets argue.]] / Girl: Not being able to afford anything. / [[The waiter looks unhappy.]] / Girl: Getting kicked out of cafes. / [[He motions for Girl to go.]] / Girl: Going home to my garret. / [[Girl stands in her room shivering.]] / Teacher: Follow your dreams. / Girl: My dream leads to scurvy.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1145
The City Mouse and the Country Mouse [[A little train pulls into a little station. A mouse calls from the train to a mouse on the platform.]] / Country Mouse: Cousin Milton! / City Mouse: Cousin Moriarity! / [[They walk past Mouse Grand Central Station.]] / City Mouse: How was your trip? / Country Mouse: I sure have been looking forward to seeing you in the big city. / [[They walk past the Mouse Statue of Atlas. The Country Mouse takes pictures.]] / City Mouse: Well I'm glad you could make it. / <> / [[They walk past Mouse Rockefeller Center.]] / Country Mouse: Do you still work in publishing like you wrote my Mama? / City Mouse: Well, I - / [[They see a food cart in Mouse Central Park. Its umbrella promises "Cheese."]] / City Mouse: Hey, are you hungry? / Country Mouse: I reckon so. / [[The City Mouse hands the Country Mouse a chunk of cheese on a stick.]] / City Mouse: In the city we eat things on sticks! / Country Mouse: Golly gee. / Voice from above: Hey. are you hungry? / Voice from above: I reckon so. / [[Cat and Country Cat have picked up the City Mouse and Country Mouse by their sticks.]] / Cat: In the city we eat things on sticks! / Country Cat: Golly gee.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1147
 
Copycat [[Cat walks through the house.]] / [[He turns to see his reflection in a mirror.]] / Cat: What? / Cat: What are you lookin at, horseface? / Cat: Yeah? Nice mug, ugly. / Cat: What? / Cat: You tarty bastard. / [[He rolls up his sleeves.]] / Cat: Put your dukes up! / [[The Country Cat walks in on Cat holding his fists up to the mirror.]] / Country Cat: Were you looking for me? / Cat: Maybe. / [[They turn to leave.]] / [[Country Cat looks back at the mirror.]] / [[He shakes his fist.]] / Country Cat: Jerk.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1149
Cousin Once Removed [[Girl sits at the kitchen table drinking coffee and reading the newspaper.]] / [[Cat pokes his head in.]] / [[Cat exhales.]] / [[He gulps down a can of paint.]] / Girl: Still hiding from your cousin? / Cat: A cat gets tired of being a gum commercial. / Girl: Glancing into the mirror of the million paths your life might have taken. / Cat: Finding my toothbrush wet. Paying for his Columbia House CDs. / Girl: Confronting the fragile infrastructure of choice and circumstance that created your sense of self. / Girl: Must be creepy. / [[Country Cat enters with Grrrl.]] / Grrrl: We've been looking for you!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1151
This Postmodern World [[Cat and Girl walk though a cityscape filled with billboards.]] / [[They walk past Starbucks.]] / [[They walk past Hot Topic.]] / Girl: Nothing is real anymore. / [[They walk past CBGBs.]] / Girl: Just a replica of a replica. / [[They walk past a "Diner."]] / Girl: But what is real? / Girl: A half-remembered childhood? This shady suburban glen? / Girl: But this lie of the suburb and nuclear family was artifice created for returning World War II vets! / Girl: The artifice of the past become accepted as the real. / Girl: So the "real" of the future is the artifice of today! / Cat: No flying cars? / Girl: No, but there'll be Tang.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1153
Divinity Schooled [[Cat stands near a record player holding a record. A poster of Divine is behind him. He talks on the phone.]] / Cat: She says I'm a broken record. / Cat: So I'm like, I'll show you a broken record! / <> / [[Cat drops the record he was holding.]] / Cat: Oops. / [[Girl comes in.]] / Cat: Sorry. / [[Girl holds her head in her hands.]] / Girl: To err is human, to forgive divine. / [[Girl leaves.]] / Cat: I'm double human!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1155
Moderation versus Magritte [[Cat stands in front of a bookshelf shoveling paint in his mouth from a can.]] / Radio: The day my momma socked it to the Harper Valley PTA / [[Cat lights his pipe. His gaze falls on an art book.]] / [[Cat looks through the book while puffing on his pipe.]] / [[Girl is looking out the window.]] / Cat: This is not a pipe. / [[Cat pours more paint into his mouth.]] / Cat: This is not paint. / Cat: I don't have a problem!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1157
 
The Giving Couch [[Girl sits on the couch reading.]] / [[Something is wrong.]] / [[She sticks a hand under the couch cushion.]] / [[She pulls out a coin.]] / Cat: Where did you get money? / Girl: It was in the couch. / Cat: Do you think there's more? / Girl: We can check. / Girl: I have a nickel. / Cat: I've got two pennies. / Girl: I have a dime. / Cat: I have a quarter! / Girl: Oh and a button. / Cat: I have twenty-seven cents. / Girl: I have sixteen cents. / Cat: I can buy a teaspoon of hooker!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1159
Boy has a Snow Day [[Boy sits on a toboggan on a snowy hill.]] / [[The toboggan slips out from under Boy and heads down the hill. Boy falls back into the snow.]] / [[Boy lies on the ground. A snowball hits him in the head.]] / Cat: Sorry. / Boy: Ow. / Girl: Are you OK? / Boy: My sled is broken. / Boy: And I'm cold. / Boy: And my gloves are wet and my sweater is itchy and I'm all out of hot cocoa. / Girl: You can't make friends with self-pity! / [[Boy is at home throwing the book "Make Friends with Self-Pity" into the trash can.]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1161
Wednesday 9:45 [[Girl sits on a couch. Cat sits on the floor.]] / Girl: You know what's funny? / Girl: It's like we live day to day assuming that the world is what's around us - / [[Girl is wearing a mod 60s dress. Cat has a beard and a headband.]] / Girl: But every once in a while a window appears - / [[Girl wears a 1940s style dress. Cat wears a suit and fedora.]] / Girl: - and you realize that the past is just the present with different technology and funny clothes. / [[Girl wears a sailor-inspired dress.]] / Girl: People are the constant. Their emotions, their motivations and stories. / [[Cat wears a suit and top hat. A candle burns where the lamp was.]] / Cat: That's not funny. / Girl: Is Law and Order on yet?
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1163
The Daytrippers [[Cat and Girl run past a ticket office.]] / Girl: We're going to be late! / [[They make the T Local subway train as the doors close.]] / Girl: I don't see why we have to go to the future's beach. / Cat: The hot dogs are better. / [[They leave the train.]] / Girl: I guess we should check in first. / [[They take a boat from the subway station.]] / Girl: What impressionist hackwork will grace the walls this time? / [[They arrive at the "Stay-Inn."]] / Cat: But this is the future! / [[A robot zooms by at the jet-powered reception desk.]] / Cat: It's improved. / Cat: Impressionist hackwork may have been the standard in 2004. / Cat: But in 2080 they'll have moved beyond that! / [[Cat and Girl look into their motel room. A naked man hangs on the wall biting his leg.]] / Cat and Girl: Vito Acconci! / Vito Acconci: Bite me.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=1165
Aaliyah was Wrong [[Boy and Girl walk past a fruit stand.]] / [[They walk past a house for sale.]] / [[They walk past a lady of the evening.]] / Girl: Capitalism demands that everything have a price! / [[They walk past a car dealership.]] / [[They walk past the Cyclone roller coaster.]] / Boy: How much does fun cost? / Girl: Five dollars. / Boy: What about hope? / Girl: A lottery ticket is two dollars. / Boy: Life? / Girl: Depends on what you're dying of. / Boy: God? / Girl: Ask Jim Bakker. / [[It begins to rain. They walk past a man selling umbrellas.]] / Girl: Or make an exception for the "Mystical East and be the Beastie Boys' Buddhism buddy. / Girl: In the end everything's just a number. / Boy: I wish I had health insurance.
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