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| Who's That Girl? | Who am I?
/ [[Girl stands alone in her room.]] / Who am I?
/ [[She looks down at her hands.]] / Who am I?
/ [[All her possessions float before her.]] / Who am I?
/ [[Girl's clothes stand in her room without Girl inside them.]] / Boy: Who are you?
/ Girl: Oh.
/ [[Boy and Girl stand near the punch bowl at a costume party. Boy is dressed as a doctor.]] / [[Girl holds up an axe.]]
/ Girl: I'm Lizzie Borden. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1169 |
| Hepsters Union 347 Local | [[The Beatnik Vampire and friends stand near a giant rat on a city street holding signs that say "Keep hip here."]] / Girl: Not going so well?
/ Vampire: It's a bad time to be a union. / Vampire: Outsourced labor, tough economy. / Vampire: The largest employed in the country won't talk to you. / Vampire: There's a lot of dignity in this job, not that you'd know it now. / Vampire: Now that every kid in Converse is a potential scab. Yeah I'm talking to you! / Vampire: With your newfound love of Neu and Pad Thai. / Vampire: Your luxury loft in Williamsburg! / Vampire: You can't just replace me! / Vampire: There will always be another Williamsburg! / [[Two fashionably dressed young people walk down the street in Old Williamsburg.]]
/ Gal: Are you sure this is the way to the bar?
/ Guy: It must be at the next butter churn. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1171 |
| The Wages of Boredom | [[Girl sits alone, motionless.]] / Cat: Whatcha doin'?
/ Girl: Killing time. / [[Cat closes the curtains.]]
/ Cat: Eeeeeeee! / Cat: Where's the body? We have to hide the body! / Girl: But -
/ Cat: We have to clean up before the cops come! / Girl: No one is dead! / Girl: I'm just bored. "Killing time."
/ Cat: Oh. / Cat: I thought you meant a physical manifestation of time. / Cat: A flying clock or a guy with an hourglass.
/ Girl: No. / Cat: Alright. / Cat: Fine then.
/ [[Cat opens a door.]] / [[A grandfather clock with a knife in its side falls out.]]
/ Cat and Girl: Aaaaaaaaaaaah! http://catandgirl.com/?p=1173 |
| Stand Up Cat | [[A microphone stands in front of a brick wall.]]
/ < http://catandgirl.com/?p=1175 |
| Cat tries to Watch TV | [[Cat and Girl sit on the couch. Girl reads. Cat eats popcorn.]]
/ Girl: So the seventies were all about long hair, earth tones and macrame. / Girl: And the eighties were short hair and shoulder pads. / Girl: Do decades have genders? / Cat: I don't know. / Cat: Do decades have call waiting? / Cat: Do decades invest in real estate? / Cat: Do decades enjoy borscht? / Cat: Do they have parties?
/ Girl: I was just asking.
/ Cat: If they did they wouldn't invite you! http://catandgirl.com/?p=1177 |
| Past, Present and Future | Girl: Is it even possible? / Girl: Faulkner wrote as if there was no past or future - / Girl: just one long present, every moment existing alongside the next like books on a shelf. / Girl: But what if there's no present - just the future and the past? / Girl: Each instant moving away from us as we reach it. / Girl: And if these instants don't belong to us... / Girl: is free will a lie? / Girl: Are we marching towards a predetermined end? / Cat: No presents? http://catandgirl.com/?p=1179 |
| Cat and Girl at Sea | [[Cat and Girl stand on the deck of a ship. Cat holds binoculars.]]
/ Cat: Oh boy! A whale watch! / Cat: I hope we see Fudgie! / Girl: Fudgie the whale is fictional.
/ Cat: No he's not! / Cat: I saw him on TV! / Girl: He's made of ice cream! Real animals aren't made of ice cream. / [[Girl stalks away.]]
/ Girl: "Fudgie"!?! / [[Cat stands alone.]] / [[He looks out.]] / Cat: Fudgie? / [[Cookie Puss is floating by.]] http://catandgirl.com/?p=1181 |
| Seasons Greetings from Cat and Girl | [[A television screen.]]
/ Seasons Greetings from Cat and Girl / [[Cat sits in an armchair in front of a roaring fireplace with a sock puppet on each hand.]]
/ Cat: Thank you, sock sisters. / Cat: That was a lovely rendition of "Silent Night."
/ Sock Sister: Thanks for having us. / Cat: Now let's see what my co-host is up to. / Cat: Merry Christmas!
/ Girl: Oh great. / Girl: Our yearly reminder that the separation of church and state is a lie. / Girl: That is still says God on our coins, in our classrooms, and from the mouth of our President - and society sees nothing wrong with that. / Girl: Ubiquitous Christ-heavy Christmas carols! Publicly funded manger scenes! Today your TV movies, tomorrow your reproductive rights! / Cat: What about your traditional "America equates love with commodities" speech?
/ Girl: After the eggnog. Who wants gingerbread? http://catandgirl.com/?p=1183 |
| Cat and Girl seek Conventional Wisdom | [[Cat and Girl play Hungry Hungry Hippos.]]
/ Girl: No.
/ Cat: Yes. / Girl: No!
/ Cat: Yes! / [[Girl brings out a book. Cat brings out a record.]]
/ Girl: No!
/ Cat: Yes! / [[Girl has a pie chart. Cat has a bar graph.]]
/ Girl: No!
/ Cat: Yes! / [[They walk outside.]]
/ Girl: No!
/ Cat: Yes! / [[They walk up a mountain.]]
/ Girl: No!
/ Cat: Yes! / Cat: hey hey
/ [[Cat taps an old man sitting cross-legged on the shoulder.]] / Cat: Who's right, here? What's the meaning of life? / Girl: No?
/ Cat: Yes! / [[The wise man considers.]] / Wise man: It is "the same but different." http://catandgirl.com/?p=1185 |
| Cat Rights his Reads | [[Cat looks through a book.]]
/ Cat: Piffle piffle piffle. / [[Cat shakes his fist.]]
/ Cat: Blah blah blah! / Cat: I can't understand a thing they're saying.
/ Girl: It's upside down. / Cat: It doesn't mean anything at all / Cat: but they have to use all those big words to get there.
/ Girl: That's TV Guide. / Cat: To fool us into thinking they're smart - just because we can't understand their nonsense! / Girl: That's rote anti-intellectualism. / Cat: It can't be anti-intellectualism. I went to college! / Girl: Yeah, where?
/ Cat: The University of You Suck! http://catandgirl.com/?p=1187 |
| The Hopeless Romantic | [[The Beatnik Vampire talks to a woman at a bar.]]
/ Vampire: I'm a fool for you, baby. / [[He brings an umbrella to a woman standing at a bus stop in the rain.]]
/ Vampire: I'm a clown for you, baby. / [[He appears at a hotel desk as a woman arrives with her luggage.]]
/ Vampire: I'm a concierge for you, baby. / [[He presents a woman with a newly stolen ring.]]
/ Vampire: I'm a thief for you, baby. / [[He runs from a police car.]]
/ Vampire: I'm a fugitive for you, baby. / [[He is locked in a jail cell and talking to a guard.]]
/ Vampire: I am a prisoner of your love and of this jail. Baby. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1189 |
| The Hipster Rule Book | [[Girl runs into Grrrl coming out of a store with shopping bags.]]
/ Girl: Hi!
/ Grrrl: Hi. / [[Grrrl looks down at her bags.]] / Grrrl: Oh - I'm just trying to earn my kitsch collector badge. / Girl: That's not very anti-capitalist. / [[Grrrl consults the Hipster Scout rule book.]]
/ Grrrl: Well is says here in the rule book that we're to "run parallel to mainstream culture." / Grrrl: "Example 1: They buy Gap, we buy Salvation Army." / Girl: So that's it, then? We are what we consume?
/ Grrrl: Well yeah. / Grrrl: And I get so tired of being invisible! http://catandgirl.com/?p=1191 |
| In Brains We Trust | Waiter: Good evening, Mr. Beuys.
/ Zombie Joseph Beuys: Thanks Raoul. / [[They walk through the restaurant.]]
/ Raoul: We've saved your table in the back. / Raoul: Today's special is the brains flambe. / Beuys: I'll have the brains in brain sauce.
/ Raoul: Excellent choice. / Raoul: And to start?
/ Beuys: Bring me a carafe of the house red. / Raoul: Feeling poorly, Mr. Beuys?
/ Beuys: Bad day. / Beuys: You can spend a lifetime filling hands greedy for the umpteenth sculpture of felt and lard / Beuys: and then you die and they follow you down the street demanding that you grimace and say "brains" again.
/ [[Small children follow Zombie Joseph Beuys down the street chanting "Brains! Brains! Brains!"]] / Beuys: Always expecting the same old schtick. / [[Raoul's arm falls off.]] / Beuys: I feel dead inside. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1193 |
| Boy has a Field Day | Coach: Ready set / [[Boy and others are lined up at the start of a race. The coach brings down the checkered flag.]]
/ Coach: go! / [[Boy runs.]] / [[He imagines himself winning a trophy.]] / [[Boy holds the trophy and blushes.]]
/ Girl: You ran so fast! / [[Boy stands in a classroom.]]
/ Girl: You spelled so well! / [[Boy is on a beach.]]
/ Girl: You saved that man's life! / [[Boy wears sunglasses and a fancy shirt.]]
/ Boy: Let's go out for lunch. / [[Boy wears a suit and top hat.]]
/ Girl: I'd love to. / [[Boy runs through the tape, winning the race.]] / [[Boy holds his trophy.]]
/ Boy: I won. I won? won! / Boy: I won!
/ Girl: Success is for losers. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1195 |
| Cat Plans Ahead | [[Cat and Girl are sitting in the dark.]]
/ Cat: Here's the plan. / [[A pirate is around the corner.]]
/ Cat: You create a distraction / Cat: and I'll grab control of the ship,
/ [[Cat punches a panicking pirate.]] / Cat: steer us past the sea monster. / Cat: and into a tidal wave, which will propel us high enough
/ [[The boat they are on shoots towards the sky.]] / Cat: to fix the ozone layer.
/ [[Cat nails a board and 2x4s over a hole in the sky.]] / Cat: Then we'll parachute down, / Cat: open every refrigerator in the world to refreeze the polar ice caps so we have somewhere to send the penguins when we evict them from our house. / [[Cat is please with himself.]] / Cat: It has a few flaws.
/ Girl: I would say that your plan is made mostly of flaws. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1197 |
| Boy Tosses his Bootstraps | [[Boy hawks newspapers on a city street.]]
/ Boy: Extra! Extra! / [[He sees a carriage running over a little girl.]]
/ Fancy girl: Halp / [[Boy runs over and pushes her out of the way of the carriage.]] / Boy: Are you OK? / [[A man in a suit and top hat approaches.]]
/ Fancy man: Young man, I thank you for saving my daughter.
/ Fancy girl: Yeh I'm Okey / Fancy man: In return I would like to give you some stock tips. / Boy: Oh, I - only have a few pennies to my name. / Fancy man: Then, boy, I'll give you this advice - / Fancy man: Buy lots of stuff and run up credit card bills. / [[Fancy man and fancy girl walk away from Boy.]] / Boy: Help!
/ Fancy girl: Wot's that? / Fancy man: Another boy who cried high interest rates.
/ Fancy girl: Pa why are ther wolves eatin' him? http://catandgirl.com/?p=1199 |
| Pop goes Populism | [[Making music. Grrrl plays guitar, Girl drums and Cat stands in the back with a keyboard.]] / Grrrl: Should we be playing so fast? / Girl: Well, speaking quickly is traditionally a trait of the underclass.
/ Cat: Less slow more fast! / Girl: You have to be fast if no one's gonna listen to you for long.
/ Grrrl: Isn't traditional a synonym for obsolete? / Girl: Playing a guitar is pretty traditional. / Grrrl: Guitars are bourgeois, OK? They're expensive and the skill they demand is elitist!
/ Cat: Less slow more fast! / Grrrl: We should be making music with computers! They're the populist medium of today! / [[A robot plays an acoustic guitar.]]
/ Robot: When will my doubt leave me? When Mumia is free / [[The robot is playing to an empty room.]]
/ Robot: Thanks for coming out tonight folks. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1201 |
| Career Opportunities | [[Cat and Girl hold ice cream cones.]]
/ Cat: What do you want to be when you grow up? / Girl: Ugh, I try not to think about it. / Girl: It's too depressing. / Girl: Cowboy or astronaut, bus driver or nurse. / Girl: So you can want the impossible, guaranteeing yourself a lifetime of dashed hopes. / Girl: Or make your goal the banal - / Girl: and make the ceiling of your dream so low that it becomes indistinguishable from everyday life. / Girl: THOSE are our choices? / Girl: Why bother?
/ Cat: I want to be an eskimo. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1203 |
| Cable's Out for Summer | [[Cat sits on the couch.]]
/ Cat: Come quick! / Cat: You'll like this! / Cat: Learning's on TV! / Cat: It's called "The History Channel." / Girl: That's not the History Channel.
/ Cat: The Supreme Court is fascinating. / Girl: That's not the Supreme Court.
/ Cat: Roe v. Wade is my favorite episode! / Cat: This is where Jack McCoy gets the TRUTH out of Wade. / Cat: Aided by Serena Southerlyn, just in from the vampire infested streets of L.A. / Cat: History is great! / Cat: Here's where the Beastie Boys free Tibet! http://catandgirl.com/?p=1205 |
| Night of the Living Hipster | [[Cat and Girl watch television.]]
/ TV: Seven "hipster scouts" were arrested earlier today for wearing trucker hats ironically. / TV: From now on everyone wearing a trucker hat must own a truck. / TV: Exemptions will be granted for tractors.
/ < http://catandgirl.com/?p=1207 |
| Time Again for Cat and Girl | [[Girl sits in a lawn chair writing in a notebook.]]
/ Cat: The 80s are totally back! / Cat: The 80s are totally back! / Cat: Wait wait wait -- / [[Cat checks his watch.]]
/ < http://catandgirl.com/?p=1209 |
| Three Blind Mice | [[Girl holds two mice in her arms.]]
/ Girl: He crept up behind them / [[Grrrl and the Beatnik Vampire hold guitars.]]
/ Grrrl: Ow! / Grrrl: My fingers hurt. / Vampire: You have to get callouses. / Girl: -- closer and closer and then he -- / Girl: CUT THEIR TAILS OFF WITH A KNIFE!
/ Mice: Eep! / Girl: And sometimes you can still hear those mice / Girl: crying out the name of that horrible man -- / Grrrl: Can you leave the callouses to me in your will? / Vampire: To be sure this trait will survive I'll leave them to you in my genes. / Grrrl: Survival of the rockingest! / Girl: LAMARCK! http://catandgirl.com/?p=1211 |
| Cat versus Technology | [[Cat and Girl look hand-drawn.]]
/ Girl: How are you feeling this morning? / Girl: Your party went pretty late last night. / [[Cat closes his eyes.]] / [[He opens them.]] / Cat: Oh no. / Cat: There's something I sorta gotta tell you. / Girl: You lost your keys.
/ Cat: No.
/ Girl: You lost my keys.
/ Cat: No.
/ Girl: You sold our keys for paint money. / Cat: Just - here, look in the mirror. / [[Girl sees her reflection.]] / Girl: You broke the computer!
/ Cat: A little bit. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1213 |
| The Limon | {{The comic is drawn as a page from a Medieval bestiary.}} / [[A picture of a limon crouching on a rock.]] / The Limon is called such from the Greek, meaning creature of citrus, and occupies those mountains too temperate to allow passage of the feared Winged Fanta, whose mouth breathes chilling carbonation known to freeze yellow bile in men and beasts and which poisons the sinuses causing imbalance and death. The head of the Limon is of a tawny color and when boiled produces a stock most sour. The back and tail are the green of the grass in which it conceals itself. / Natives of the mountains use the carcass of the Limon as a cleaning agent, and consume is blood in a ceremony honoring fallen warriors and victorious athletes. When the blood is sweetened, its ritual absorption is believed to hasten the advent of Summer and the growing season. / Liquids extracted from the green portion have stronger effects and are used only by the Shamans and Witches revered by their Barbarian tribes. A potion of the green humour and essence of the juniper plant with an egg of the Winged Fanta prevents social dyspepsia, but chills and vomiting attend its frequent use. / A grown Limon is the size of a man's hand outstretched. While it is not poisonous the bite of the Limon causes blisters the peculiar color of the animal, and is often mistaken for Gangrene. / [[Cat and Girl sit in a booth and talk to a waiter.]]
/ Cat: The mythical beast, half lemon half lime!
/ Girl: I'll just have a glass of water. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1215 |
| Cat versus Problem Solving | [[Cat tries to sleep. Water leaks through his ceiling.]] / [[Cat opens his refrigerator. An apple core sits in there alone.]] / [[Cat's turtleneck catches on a nail.]] / [[Cat goes to the ATM, but he has only zero dollars left in his account.]] / [[Cat's turtleneck catches on a fire hydrant and unravels further.]] / [[Cat checks the mailbox. He has jury duty.]] / <<(thunderclap)>>
/ [[It begins to rain.]] / [[Cat goes into his bedroom. It has flooded.]] / [[Cat waits at a bus stop in the rain.]] / Girl: What are you doing?
/ Cat: Waiting for the Deus Ex Machina. / [[Girl looks up.]] / Girl: It doesn't run on Sundays.
/ Cat: Curses! http://catandgirl.com/?p=1217 |
| Cat and Girl circle the Drain | Girl: "Enron is an anomaly. Business is A-OK." / Girl: "Tax cuts for the rich lead to jobs for everyone." / Girl: "Iraq is totally linked to September 11th for real now." / Cat: Oooh, my favorite lie: / Cat "Rabbits are the only animal that can understand puns." / Cat: Puns are the lowest form of humor. / Girl: Well there's always a lower form of humor. / Cat: "America's Funniest Home Videos?" / Girl: Cable Access Religious Programs. / {{Go to the beginning, start over again.}} / [[In the center panel, two rabbits talk.]]
/ Rabbit: Did you hear the one about Mr. T's Jewish uncle? http://catandgirl.com/?p=1219 |
| Cat and Girl versus Network News | Girl: It's nothing new. / Girl: Great Britain marched into World War I with the high diction and quiet Christian sacrifice of Tennyson ringing in their ears. / Girl: Now it's video game aesthetics distancing us from brutal reality. No screaming. No blood. No misfires, war crimes, fear. / Girl: Just points and pixels. / Cat: It's Super Mario.
/ Girl: Oh. / Girl: I just thought mustaches had made a comeback. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1221 |
| Cat and Girl's Costume Party | [[Girl drinking coffee]] / [[Girl gets up from her chair]] / [[Girl walking]]
/ {{Following 3 panels are faded out, like a movie, behind Girl walking}}
/ [[Vampires dressed as a nurse and a cowboy at party with Cat]]
/ Beatnik Vampire: Why doesn't she have a costume? / Beatnik Vampire: I don't want to wear a costume if she doesn't have to / Beatnik Vampire: Is she leaving? / [[Girl opens door and looks out on street]] / [[The light fades]] / [[Cat in sailor suit arrives]] / Girl: I'm the end of a Raymond Carver story. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1223 |
| Cat and Girl Order Out | [[Cat and Girl look at menus.]]
/ Girl: Italian. / Girl: Mexican. / Girl: Indian. / Girl: Chinese. / Girl: Thai. / Girl: Sandwiches.
/ Cat: You know what I haven't had in a while? A seizure. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1225 |
| Not for Babies | [[Cat sits on the couch eating paint. An idea occurs to him.]] / [[Cat approaches Girl.]]
/ Cat: I am going to make a million dollars. / Cat: A million bajillion dollars! / [[Jar of "Not for Babies"]]
/ Not for Babies in Six Flavors
/ Matches, Booze, Bleach, Rusty Razor Blades, Lead-based Paint, Handguns
/ Also Available:
/ [[Jar of "For Babies"]]
/ Comes in: Pacifier, Blankie, Toy Duck on Wheels, Applesauce
/ Indistinguishable packaging for maximum surprise!
/ Order both and save! / Cat: I am going to make a gazillion dollars!
/ Girl: You are going to make babies cry. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1227 |
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