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|Arcades||[[Cat and Girl are in a rowboat.]]
/ Girl: You know Walter Benjamin's theory of translation.
/ Cat: I like arcades. / Girl: A transparent restatement of meaning is untrue to its source.
/ Cat: Inky Blinky Pinky and / Girl: Any tee shirt's STATED meaning should be viewed as foreign
/ Cat: SUE! My law firm! / Girl: Maintaining the tension between what we perceive as meaning and the existence of meaning in a place beyond our understanding.
/ Cat: How do you like your law? Firm. / Girl: Like in Mandarin pop. Or team handball.
/ Cat: How do you like your legal? / Cat: Tender - so tender - / <
|Freaky Friday||[[Bad Decision Dinosaur points back]] / [[He points to his face]] / [[He mimes rowing a boat]] / [[He draws an "M" in the air with his hands.]] / Girl: That's not you?! / Cat: Who is it? / [[Bad Decision Dinosaur throws his arms out, palms up]] / Bad Decision Dinosaur: !? / Cat: A stranger. / Girl: A DOPPELGANGER! / [[Bad Decision Dinosaur is angry]] / [[He holds his hand above his head]] / Girl: No / Cat: No / Girl: I don't think you're taller. / Cat: Maybe just a little bit.|
|Uncanny Valley PTA||[[Bad Decision Dinosaur follows tracks in the sand]] / Girl: Mad Decision Dinosaur. / [[Cat, Girl and Bad Decision Dinosaur walk past the Uncanny Valley RV Park.]] / Girl: Maudlin Decision Dinosaur. / [[They pass the First Baptist Uncanny Valley Church.]] / Girl: Metrosexual Decision Dinosaur. / [[They pass Little Valley Family Owned Dry Cleaning and Home-Smoked BBQ.]] / Girl: MAGICAL Decision Dinosaur! / [[They pass Chipotle]] / [[They arrive at Uncanny Valley High School.]] / Bad Decision Dinosaur: Sssshh / Student: Screw THIS place / Student: Denise said she'd hire me full time at the Piercing Pagoda. / Mystery Dinosaur: Sssiiii|
|Big Business||Bad Decision Dinosaur: Mala Decision Dinosaurio!
/ Mala Decision Dinosaurio: Bad! / [[They embrace]] / Student: <
|Wheels within Wheels||[[Cat and Girl sit in front of the television]]
/ Girl: I can't bring myself to believe in the idea of a future. / Girl: Do you
/ Cat: Sssshhh! My show's on!
|Drug of Choice||[[Cat and Girl sit in front of the television. Cat is eating paint.]] / [[Cat looks over to Girl]] / [[Cat offers her some of his paint]] / Girl: No thanks / Girl: I prefer self-righteousness.|
|Fractions||[[Cat bites into an apple. A snake haunts the tree behind him.]] / [[Cat looks at the apple, his tongue out in disgust.]] / Cat: What's WORSE than finding a worm in your apple? / Girl: Half a worm. / Girl: A quarter of a worm? / Girl: A tiny hat and suitcase / Girl: and a note that says "Goodbye World?"|
|Party||[[Girl looks into the bathroom, where Cat is brushing his teeth.]] / Girl: What's in the refrigerator? / Cat: Margarita mix. / Girl: What's in the bathtub? / Cat: Gin. / Girl: What's in the toilet? / Cat: Sloppy Joes. / Girl: No one is coming to our party.|
|First Things First||Girl: Hoo! / Cat: Who? / Girl: Us. / Cat: Where? / Girl: Hoo! / Cat: WHAT? / Girl: Wat... / Girl: OK! We're going to Angkor Wat! / Cat: Where's what? / Girl: Wat happened - / Cat: What happened to WHO? / Girl: Hoo's nowhere near Wat. / Cat: Who's GOING? / Girl: Sutton Hoo isn't going anywhere! / Girl: Fine! YOU decide where we're going. / Cat: NO. / Girl: The theater it is!|
|Options||[[Cat and Girl stand at the counter of a fast food restaurant.]] / Cat: Two hamburgers. / Service Industry Professional: Any toppings? / Cat: Can I get cheese? / Service Industry Professional: That's forty cents extra. / Cat: Fried onions? / Service Industry Professional: Twenty cents. / Cat: Mayonnaise? / Service Industry Professional: Ten cents. / Cat: Pickles? / Service Industry Professional: A quarter. / Cat: What can I get for FREE? / Service Industry Professional: Food poisoning. / [[Cat and Girl sit at a table with hamburgers]] / [[Cat takes a big bit out of his hamburger]] / [[Girl doesn't touch hers]] / Cat: Don't you like a bargain?|
|Jokes On You||Girl: What do you call a lollipop with principles? / Girl: A SUCKER.|
|The Bohemian's Lament||Girl: What if I try and try and it never gets better? / Grrrl: The certainty that one day THIS WILL BE WORTH IT - it ebbs and flows. / Girl: Or one day that tide will leave and it will NEVER come back. / Girl: And I'll wake up and think all that time I spent WORKING on my NOVEL / Girl: I could have been taking better care of my teeth. / Girl: I could have been learning to INVEST. / Girl: I could have spent my Saturdays walking among waterfalls in high class shopping centers comparing trifle dishes at Crate and Barrel and cashmere sweaters embroidered with ducks in flight. / Grrrl: Those are some deep-seated insecurities. / Girl: Have you talked to people with shallowly-seated insecurities? / Girl: A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G.|
|On the Town||[[Cat and Girl walk past a coffee shop.]] / [[Cat and Girl walk past a bar.]] / [[Cat and Girl walk into a diner.]] / Girl: George Russell said / Girl: a literary scene is "five or six men who live in the same town and hate each other." / Cat: A scene is a room full of people with the same venereal disease.|
|Back to the Drawing Board||Cat: Everyone loves silly straws. / Cat: It's a great idea! / Cat: I am going to make a million dollars! / Girl: It's a TERRIBLE idea. / Girl: Nobody wants a silly catheter.|
|A Day at the Races||Cat: What are the greyhounds chasing? / Girl: Dissatisfaction. / Cat: Why? / Cat: I'd rather / Girl: Don't you ever look back on things you made a few years ago / Cat: I'd rather have Good N Plenty. / Girl: and feel dissatisfied? But what option is there? / Cat: Ugh. / Girl: To be satisfied with the past is to be moving in the wrong direction - or worse - / Girl: Satisfaction is complacency is stasis. / Cat: Is that why they run so fast? / Girl: They don't know it's dissatisfaction until they reach it. / Cat: They never reach it. / Girl: Lucky dogs.|
|Hindsight||Girl: Remember when people sold out? / Girl: The concept's not even relevant anymore. / Grrrl: How can it be when it describes everyone? / Girl: If the internet works against the purity of an underground - it works against exclusivity too. / Grrrl: Lust for Life in a commercial for Royal Caribbean cruise lines! / Grrrl: A song that celebrates life on the margins of society. / Girl: That song's a bunch of dudes making noise about how tough they are! / Girl: There's more brutal honesty in the Food Lion jingle. / Girl: Being appropriated by a family-safe pleasure cruise to the colonies of the travel industry, buffet lines and other peoples' sticky children was the best thing that could have happened to it! / Grrrl: Lust for Life is not about good times! / Girl: Have you ever been on a cruise?|
|Bad Decision Dinosaur goes on Holiday||[[Bad Decision Dinosaur lies on the couch watching television, bag of chips at his side, saliva dribbling from his mouth.]] / [[A beach scene is on television.]] / [[Bad Decision gets excited.]] / [[He gathers his toothbrush and a towel.]] / [[He fills a bowl with cat food.]] / [[Bad Decision Dinosaur steps out of his apartment carrying a suitcase and wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a "B" on it.]]|
|Staycation||[[Bad Decision Dinosaur walks to the Greyhound terminal.]] / [[He boards a bus, his suitcase held over his head.]] / [[He takes a seat and looks out the window.]] / [[He sees the Greyhound station.]] / [[The bus starts to move, and he sees the road pass by.]] / [[Four Greyhound buses are driving in a circle around a track, chasing a stuffed rabbit.]]|
/ Grrrl: HELP! / [[Girl and Grrrl are in a sinking rowboat named the U.S.S. Social Sinking. Grrrl grabs hold of a ladder thrown down from a larger ship.]]
/ Girl: Help help help
/ Grrrl: Over here! / [[They climb on to the deck of the larger ship. Cat is there to greet them.]]
/ Cat: Bravo! Champagne for everyone!
/ Girl: Achoo! / Girl: I don't feel so good.
/ Cat: Hot champagne for the girl.
/ Grrrl: Hold on - / [[Grrrl has been carrying a Speak N Say.]]
|Sea Cruise||[[Cat, Girl and Grrrl stand on the deck of a ship. Cat holds the Speak N Say]]
|Wasteland||Grrrl: I'm sick of the automatic competence of the digital world. / Grrrl: Where's the vibrancy of failure? / Girl: Ideals require competence. / Grrrl: Ideals require the willingness to fail. / Girl: Perpetual failure breeds its own arrogance. / Girl: By definition anyone with ideals is a hypocrite. / Grrrl: But I need my ideals. / Grrrl: They're such a good excuse for failure.|
|Heat Wave||[[Cat and Girl stand in the desert.]] / [[Cat sweats.]] / Cat: A boat. / Cat: The smell of the ocean - wind whipping the salt spray - / Cat: A cooler full of sandwiches and Fanta - water all around and the sun far away in the sky. / Cat: I'd like to be on a boat. / Cat: Where would you rather be? / [[Girl glares at him.]] / [[They are standing alone on a desert island, surrounded by nothing but water.]]|
|Light Up the Sky With My Name||Girl: No secret destiny awaits us. / Girl: There's no dystopian bureaucracy - no feudal society - no Futurama chip to tell us what we ought to be. / Girl: It's worse. We've got to figure it out for ourselves! / Cat: What do you want to be? / Girl: I don't care. I just want to be good at it. / Cat: Exceptionally successful people are weird. / Girl: Barry Bonds - Kylie Minogue - / Cat: Those aren't even people. / Girl: Why do we think "human" when we mean "weak"? / Cat: They're half-robot! / Girl: They're doing all they can to excel in the social role they've found! / Cat: They have no sense of smell. They're cold to the touch! / Girl: And they will alter their lives - their very body chemistry to succeed. Is that wrong? / Cat: They sleep with their eyes open in the broom closet at Chuck-E-Cheese.|
|Faith||Girl: Who can believe in the Loch Ness Monster when Antarctica is open to tourists? / Girl: When every last person carries a cell phone, a camera - / Girl: When every last inch of this planet and others has been mapped - photographed - evaluated and rated. / Girl: I want mystery in life! / Cat: Last week - / Girl: We needed Bigfoot to remind us that parts of the world were still unknown. We needed to know there was a world where humans were intruders. / Girl: Where is the romance of the unknown now? What mystery remains - / Girl: What's that smell? / Cat: Last week I hid fruit in the bookcase!|
|Pick Me Up on Your Way Down||[[Girl picks up a coffee maker.]] / [[She looks inside it.]] / [[She turns in upside down and shakes it.]] / Girl: ALCHEMY! / Girl: One part breaks and the whole machine turns to crap. / Girl: Replacement parts available only at your authorized replacement parts dealer / Girl: conveniently located at the exact center of the earth. / Cat: I happen to know a portal to the exact center of the earth! / Cat: Nobody use the toilet for a couple of hours.|
|The Legacy of Empire||[[Girl and Grrrl walk past a strip mall with "Nails" and a McDonalds.]] / Grrrl: America's got no culture. / Girl: America's got THE culture! / [[They walk past "Tanning" and "Dr. Taco."]] / Girl: You can't SEE it because it's UBIQUITOUS. / Grrrl: I don't mean the blue jeans and hamburgers deployed for global consumption - / [[They walk past a highway overpass.]] / Grrrl: I mean the UNIQUELY American. What do we have that is US? That is OURS and JUST ours? / Girl: Our rich tradition of prison rape jokes? / [[They think.]] / Girl: And salt water taffy.|
|Blasphemers||Girl: It's a cult! / Cat: It's MY money! / Cat: And I want to get better. / Girl: So WHAT - / Girl: The only way to get BETTER is by appealing to an institutional hierarchy? / Girl: Paying to take classes to advance to the next level - to learn the next secret - / Girl: and by the time you're ALLOWED the secrets they've been keeping from you you've spent SO much time AND money / Girl: that you're BOUND to defend the importance and truth of those secrets just to SAVE FACE. / Cat: FINE. / Cat: I WON'T join Scientology. / Girl: Scientology! / Girl: i thought you were going to college.|
|Exile||[[The desert. Girl is walking over the sand.]] / [[She sweats.]] / Cat: Party! Forty days! / [[Cat's holding a forty of malt liquor.]]
/ Cat: It's FORTY days in the DESERT! / <
|Buffet Lines||[[The line for a buffet]] / [[Cat and Girl are at the end]] / Cat: We're moving on up. / [[Cat takes a plate.]] / Cat: To the east side? / Cat: To that deluxe apartment in the sky! / Cat: We're MOVING on UP to the EAST side / Girl: We don't have a deluxe apartment. / Cat: We've finally got our piece of the pie! / Girl: That's quiche.|
|The Way We Were||[[Girl and Grrrl stand by a brick wall with a barrel of apples.]] / Girl: Apples for sale. / Girl: Apples! / Grrrl: LUXURY. / Girl: What? / Grrrl: THAT'S what sells - bootleg LUXURY - / Grrrl: If luxury meant QUALITY bootleg designer handbags and sunglasses WOULDN'T MAKE SENSE - / Grrrl: But when luxury becomes a BRAND - an IDEA - a LOGO - / Grrrl: then the APPEARANCE of luxury IS luxury. / Girl: In a flush civilization - sure. / Girl: There's a reason medieval holidays were FEAST DAYS - luxury then was PLENTIFUL FOOD. / Girl: Adequate heating - travel! THIS was LUXURY - available ONLY to society's most privileged. / Grrrl: Looks like we're due for a revival. / Girl: The part of black death will be played by drug-resistant tuberculosis.|
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