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| Cat and Girl wait for New Wave's Big Comeback | [[Cat is wearing 3D glasses and a skinny tie. Girl wears sunglasses and a jacket with pins on it.]] / [[They stand.]] / [[Suddenly a crowd of people carrying keyboards, cameras, guitars and boxes of cash runs by.]] / Cat: Sellout. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1524 |
| Cat and Girl versus Current Events | [[Cat and Girl walk. Girl's face is buried in a newspaper. Cat whistles.]]
/ Girl: You're not the slightest bit worried? / Girl: The disputed votes are in a state where his brother is governor. / Girl: A guy whose mayoral election was overturned due to voter fraud is on the Executive Committee of the Miami-Dade Republican Party. / Girl: Overseas voters were sent two copies of the absentee ballot. / Girl: And, of course, there's the controversial butterfly ballot of Palm Beach County. / Girl: Not to mention that Bush's incredible stupidity is b;atantly obvious to all but the most catatonic of vegetables. / Girl: And this guy is going to be making our nation's laws! / Cat: Since when have we followed the law? / [[Cat and Girl whistle.]] http://catandgirl.com/?p=1526 |
| Cat and Girl meet their Maker | [[Dorothy stands on a subway train, her eyes closed.]]
/ Girl: Hey! / [[Dorothy meets Cat and Girl.]]
/ Dorothy: Oh, hi.
/ Girl: What's new? / Dorothy: Not much. Just heading to work. / Dorothy: What are you doing up so early? / Girl: We just got back from Coney Island. / Cat: You can ride the old rollercoasters if you know the right people. / Dorothy: I thought they burned down.
/ Cat: Maybe. / Dorothy: Well, this is my stop.
/ Girl: Bye! / Cat: What's her name again?
/ Girl: I can never remember. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1528 |
| Cat and Girl meet the Old Gods | [[A man sits at a table eating.]]
/ Man: Mmm... tastes like chicken! / < http://catandgirl.com/?p=1530 |
| Cat and Girl insist upon Discussing Capitalism | [[Cat and Girl sit at a table covered in breakfast and newspapers.]]
/ Girl: It's like movies versus television - movies have a start and end point, but television just goes on and on - you can watch it forever. / Girl: We're taught boundless consumer need - not for anything in particular, but for the act of purchasing itself. / Girl: We're trained to think that buying stuff will make us happy, but of course it can't - if it did we'd have no reason to keep buying more stuff. / Girl: The imperfection of products - the design of obsolescence - is an integral part of the capitalist system. A system that any purchase you make supports. / Cat: But I really need socks. / Girl: Maybe you should learn to do laundry.
/ Cat: But you're so good at it! http://catandgirl.com/?p=1532 |
| Cat and Girl play with Fire | [[Cat holds a lit match.]]
/ Cat: Ooh! / [[The fire engulfs him.]]
/ Cat: Ah! / [[Cat's spirit leaves his body.]]
/ Cat: Oh. / [[Cat approaches the pearly gates.]]
/ Cat: Hello.
/ Saint Peter: Cat? / Cat: Yup.
/ Saint Peter: I'd just like to ask you a few questions. / Cat: Okay.
/ Saint Peter: What's your best and worst quality? / Cat: I work hard, but I'm a perfectionist. Also I steal.
/ Saint Peter: Where do you see yourself in five years? / Cat: Still dead, probably.
/ Saint Peter: What are you looking for in a heaven? / Cat: A casual environment in which I can grow.
/ Saint Peter: We'll get back to you. / [[Cat wakes up in his body. Girl is spraying him with a fire extinguisher.]]
/ Cat: I think it went pretty well. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1534 |
| Cat and Girl make Christmas Lists | Cat: ...gumdrops, a Casio keyboard, and a Ned Kelly hand puppet. / Cat: What do you want?
/ Girl: World peace. / Girl: I know it sounds corny, but wouldn't it be wonderful? / Cat: Maybe. / [[Cat walks through a department store.]] / [[He picks up a package and looks at the price tag.]] / Saleslady: Can I help you, sir? / Cat: I'm looking for world peace.
/ Saleslady: We've got a few left over here. / Cat: What's the price? / Saleslady: Eternal vigilance.
/ Cat: What can I get for 74 cents? http://catandgirl.com/?p=1536 |
| Cat and Girl ? Archive ? Cat and Girl meet Grrrl | [[Girl passing out pamphlets]]
/ Grrrl: Revolution Girl Style Now! / [[Cat and Girl approach Grrrl]]
/ Grrrl: Revolution Girl Style Now! / Grrrl: {{Framing: Next panel is her big thought balloon. Scenes described clockwise from top}} / [[Rondelles singing on roof]< http://catandgirl.com/?p=1538 |
| Cat and Girl answer Your Questions | Girl: Today we'll be answering viewer questions. Mail, Cat? / [[Cat hands Girl some envelopes.]]
/ Girl: Dear Cat and Girl, are you guys in love? / [[Cat and Girl look at each other.]] / Girl: hee
/ Cat: hee hee / [[Girl puts her hands on her stomach]]
/ Cat and Girl: hahahahahahahaha / [[Cat puts a hand to his heart]]
/ Cat and Girl: hahahahahahahaha / [[Girl puts a hand to her head]]
/ Cat and Girl: hahahahahahahaha / [[Cat falls over laughing]]
/ Cat and Girl: hahahahahahahaha / Girl: giggle giggle giggle
/ Cat: chuckle snort / Girl: hmm
/ [[Cat wipes his eyes with a hankie]]
/ Cat: ah. / Girl: ha!
/ Cat: hee hee / Girl: No.
/ Cat: NO? http://catandgirl.com/?p=1540 |
| Cat and Girl are Highly Derivative 2 | [[Cat and Girl are dressed for winter. Girl holds a toboggan.]]
/ Girl: Is there any better feeling than walking through freshly fallen snow? / Cat: Feeling your toes, maybe. / [[Cat and Girl sit on the toboggan.]]
/ Girl: Have you ever thought you'd done something before... / [[They glide over the snow.]]
/ Girl: ...only to realize you'd just seen somebody else do it? / Girl: If we're so easily fooled, what's the point in doing it ourselves? / [[Cat holds his hands over his eyes.]]
/ Girl: Wouldn't it be easier to watch another kid and anthropomorphic cat risk life and limb on a toboggan? / [[The sled flips and Cat and Girl fall through the air.]]
/ Girl: Is there any real difference between watching them and doing it ourselves? / [[Cat and Girl land, buried in the snow.]]
/ Cat: I think they were drawn better.
/ Girl: That, and the pain. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1542 |
| Around the World with Cat and Girl | [[Cat and Girl are wearing backpacks. They are standing at the foot of a giant statue.]]
/ Cat [[speaking to a woman holding a broom]]: Do you speak English? / [[Cat and Girl are in a canoe. In another canoe are two men, one of whom is catching a butterfly with a net.]]
/ Cat [[calling to the second canoe]]: Do you speak English? / [[Cat and Girl are crawling through the desert. In the back ground is a skull.]]
/ Cat [[speaking to a man in a middle-eastern robe and head scarf]]: Do you speak English? / [[Cat and Girl are in a city with skyscrapers. Godzilla is in the background.]]
/ Cat [[speaking to two school girls]]: Do you speak English? / [[Cat and Girl are on a pirate ship.]]
/ Cat [[speaking to a pirate with a parrot on his shoulder]]: Do you speak English? / [[Cat and Girl are wearing backpacks on a steep mountain side.]]
/ Cat [[speaking to a blond girl in lederhosen]] Do you speak English? / [[Cat and Girl are in a nice restaurant. In the background Carmen Miranda is singing.]]
/ Cat [[to a waiter in a tuxedo]]: Do you speak English? / [[Cat and Girl are in an arctic landscape. Cat is holding a map.]]
/ Cat [[to a roaring Polar bear]]: Do you speak English? / [[Cat and Girl are at an outdoor cafe.]]
/ Cat [[to the world in general]]: Does anyone speak English?
/ Girl: How much for coffee? http://catandgirl.com/?p=1544 |
| Cat and Girl are Untimely Satirists | [[The sun rises on a tent in the woods.]] / [[Inside, Cat and Girl are waking up.]] / [[Outside the tent, Cat sees a series of mysterious bundles on the ground.]] / [[Cat picks one up.]] / Cat: These little bundles -
/ Girl - could they be - / Cat: - mysterious symbols fashioned of twine, lard and felt -
/ Girl: - who could have - / Cat: Woodrow Wilson?
/ Girl: Why Woodrow Wilson?
/ Cat: Uh, the Teapot Dome scandal? / Girl: That was Ulysses S. Grant.
/ Cat: Then - Ulysses S. Grant?
/ Girl: What about Horace Greeley?
/ Cat: Kevin Smith? / Cat: Tabitha Soren?
/ Girl: Dorothy Allison?
/ Cat: Andy Dick?
/ Girl: Kurt Weil? / Cat: Mike Nesmith?
/ Girl: Evelyn Waugh?
/ Cat: Joseph Beuys?
/ Girl: He's dead. / Cat: Zombie Joseph Beuys?
/ Girl: Don't be daft.
/ [[Zombie Joseph Beuys is hiding in the bushes nearby.]]
/ Beuys: ...laaaaaaaaard... http://catandgirl.com/?p=1546 |
| Cat and Girl pick up a Stray | Boy: So then we made some soup, and I made it from a can. / Girl: Uh-huh. / Boy: It had parts of chicken and parts of tomato, but I don't know which parts.
/ Girl: That poor kitty! / [[Boy is left standing alone.]] / Boy: Way to go, Boy. Way to be a moron. / [[Girl is carrying a cat.]]
/ Girl: Your dog was hurting this poor kitty. / Boy: I'm - I'm sorry.
/ Dog: Kill. / Boy: Can I get the cat some milk or something?
/ Girl: You can't give milk to cats. It hurts them. / Girl: We'll call you Persephone.
/ Cat: Well Hellooo. / Boy: I'm sorry.
/ Girl: Let's get you home and fix you up.
/ Cat: Can I buy you a drink, beautiful? http://catandgirl.com/?p=1548 |
| Cat and Girl are invent a Sincerity Machine | [[Girl is tightening a bolt on a mysterious machine. ]]
/ Cat: Whatcha doin'? / Girl: I invented an anti-irony machine.
/ Cat: What's it do? / Girl: You place something - like this Pavement CD - into the vortex combacitor. / Girl: It then drops to the main chamber, where it's bombarded with negatively charged ironic particles. / Girl: Then it pops out completely sincere!
/ Cat: Hootie and the Blowfish. / Girl: Try something else. / Cat: Was "The State." / Girl: Is "Benny Hill." Eww.
/ Cat: Was Alanis Morisette. / Girl: Still Alanis Morisette.
/ Cat: Was my sandwich. / Girl: What kind was it?
/ Cat: Ham.
/ Girl: Now it's bologna. / Cat: I'm going in.
/ Girl: I wouldn't do that. / [[The machine shakes.]] / [[Cat comes out as Garfield.]]
/ Girl: I told you so.
/ Cat: If you're done gloating, could you bring me some pants? http://catandgirl.com/?p=1550 |
| Cat and Girl have Decoder Rings | [[Girl waves goodbye to Cat as she board a school bus.]]
/ Cat: Yippee! / Cat: Now I can scratch up the couch and smash all our lightbulbs and mix pudding on the carpet and... / [[A note on the refrigerator says "Cat - Please wash the dishes and put away your laundry. - Girl"]] / [[Cat reads the note.]] / Cat: What could this mean? / Cat: Ah - my secret decoder ring! / Cat: If I just -- rotate twice and -- dishes becomes -- aliens in the basement / Cat: -- bring them cake -- / Cat: We don't even have any cake. / Cat: What a gyp! I could've bought pajamas with that money. / [[A group of aliens sits around a table in the basement.]]
/ Alien: Didn't your note ask for cake?
/ Alien: I guess the decoder ring is broken.
/ Alien: This is the worst birthday ever. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1552 |
| Flash Back to the Sixties with Cat and Girl | [[Cat and Girl sit at a bus stop.]] / [[A guy wearing a fringed vest with no shirt underneath walks by.]] / [[A woman with long hair and granny glasses walks by holding a flower. A guy with a headband walks by carrying a placard.]] / [[A woman in a scarf and floppy hat walks by carrying a Joan Baez album.]] / [[A guy with a beard walks by with peace pamphlets. A lady with an afro holds a sign.]] / [[A guy wearing a turtleneck and a Communist armband walks by.]] / [[A lady in an American Flag shirt and a short man smoking walk on by.]] / [[Cat and Girl sit.]] / Girl: Maybe the seventies will be better. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1554 |
| Girl finds a Friend | [[Girl and Grrrl stand outside. Grrrl holds a jumprope and Girl has a hula hoop.]]
/ Grrrl: It's a program to help the lost children of grunge. For just the cost of a cup of coffee you can buy them a cup of coffee.
/ Girl: I was in Seattle back in '93 and grunge was already over then. / Grrrl: You lived in Seattle?
/ Girl: Oh, I've lived most everywhere, from Zanzibar to Barclay Square. / Grrrl: I've always wanted to travel. But I've only seen the sights a girl can see from Brooklyn Heights. / Girl: Hey, do you adore a minuet, the Ballet Russes, and crepe suzette? Because I sure do. / Grrrl: I like to rock and roll, mostly. A hot dog makes me lose control.
/ Girl: Wild. / [[They stand outdoors.]] / [[Leaves fall.]] / Grrrl: Do you have any family?
/ Girl: Just a cousin, but she lives in England or somewhere. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1556 |
| Cat and Girl are Not Autobiographical | [[Dorothy sits at a table reading.]] / Guy: Hey!
/ Dorothy: What? / Guy: You're Girl.
/ Dorothy: No I'm not. / Guy: Don't you draw Cat and Girl?
/ Dorothy: Maybe. / Guy: So you're Girl!
/ Dorothy: No. / Guy: But you're both human.
/ Dorothy: So? / Guy: And female.
/ Dorothy: Uh-huh. / Guy: So tell me about the time you went to the frosting factory!
/ Dorothy: I'm not Girl. / Guy: Do you think David Foster Wallace is dreamy?
/ Dorothy: Leave me alone.
/ [[Dorothy leaves her table.]] / Guy: Wait! Can you tell me where Cat lives?
/ [[Cat and Girl sit at another table wearing sunglasses.]]
/ Cat: We should really stop coming here.
/ Girl: There's another exit in the back. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1558 |
| Cat and Girl Ignore Oppression | [[Cat and Girl sit at a sidewalk cafe.]] / [[Cat sings into a microphone while Girl plays the drums.]] / [[Girl pilots an airplane. Cat sits behind her, his hands over his eyes.]] / [[Girl paints a portrait of Mary Tyler Moore. Cat eats some of the paint.]] / [[Cat and Girl have a picnic.]] / [[Cat and Girl dance the tango.]] / [[Cat tries to operate on the toaster with a fork.]] / [[Cat raises a sledgehammer to smash a statue. Girl is carting TNT over.]] / [[Cat and Girl sit on the couch watching television.]]
/ Cat: Dateline NBC?
/ Girl: No way - Buffy's on! http://catandgirl.com/?p=1560 |
| Cat and Girl are Pokemon | [[Cat and Girl sit on the couch watching television.]]
/ Cat: Cat?
/ Girl: Girl. / [[They look at TV Guide.]]
/ Cat: Cat!
/ Girl: Girl Girl? / [[Cat grabs the remote control.]]
/ Cat: Cat Cat Cat...
/ Girl: Girl! / [[Girl becomes enraged.]]
/ Girl: Girl... Girl... Girl... Girl... Girl...
/ Cat: Cat? / [[A bolt of lightning strikes Girl.]]
/ Cat: Cat! / [[Girl has the remote control.]]
/ Girl: GIRL.
/ Television: TV TV TV TV TV TV TV http://catandgirl.com/?p=1562 |
| Cat and Girl in Cyberspace | [[Cat and Girl float, gravity-free. Cat is upside-down.]] / Cat: Huh.
/ Girl: So this is the future. / Girl: I don't see the internet around anywhere.
/ Cat: Is that it? / Girl: No, that's a sock.
/ Cat: Oh. / [[They float.]] / Cat: I have to pee. How do we get out? / Girl: I think there's a latch over -
/ Cat: Got it. / < http://catandgirl.com/?p=1564 |
| Cat and Girl versus the Moon-Men of Mars | [[A flying saucer.]] / [[Cat and Girl sit outside.]] / Alien: Desist, earth people!
/ Cat: oop.
/ Girl: ah. / Alien: We have come for your deodorant and anti-perspirant sticks or roll-ons.
/ Girl: I have an extra sandwich. / Alien: Sandwich is not enough to fight Space Dirt.
/ Alien: It gets goopy in space. / Alien: You would not BELIEVE how goopy.
/ Alien: One time his entire left arm molded over.
/ Alien: I saw it, it did. / Alien: It took four gallons of baby oil to get the stink out.
/ Alien: He tried to remove it with a hacksaw. / Alien: And when his clothes get wet you can STILL smell it.
/ Alien: For metric tons! / [[Girl is now wearing a gas mask.]] / [[Cat holds a hankerchief up to his face.]]
/ Cat: Maybe if you moved downwind...
/ Alien: Vanilla scents! Bring me vanilla scents! http://catandgirl.com/?p=1566 |
| Cat and Girl discuss Winning the Lottery | [[Cat and Girl sit under a tree.]]
/ Girl: I'd open a laundromat. / Girl: A rock and roll laundromat. / Girl: Also at the laundry I'd sell used books. / Girl: Also coffee - but the cheap, strong kind, not yuppie coffee. / Girl: And there'd be Bass on tap. / Girl: And a half-pint would be free with every load of laundry. / Girl: One wall would be white and I'd project independent film and video for small but enthusiastic crowds. / Cat: < http://catandgirl.com/?p=1568 |
| Cat and Girl Feign Interest | [[Cat is buried up to his neck in sand at the beach. Girl stands in an inner tube. Dorothy sits under an umbrella.]]
/ Dorothy: I don't know, it's like - I do well in high school, I do okay at college, I follow the rules for 21 years and then they just abandon me. / Dorothy: I don't have a job. I don't have a plan. I can't drive, I can't type. I can't cook or fix things. / Dorothy: I'm just as useless as when I started college, only now I'm more self-absorbed. / Dorothy: My friends are scattering, and even if I live near some of them it'll never be the same. / Dorothy: Ten years form now I'll be boring, crazy, or dead, and the scary part is I don't know which of those I prefer. / Dorothy: I'm just not ready for this. I'm not an adult. Do other people really feel like adults? Or are they just good at pretending?
/ Girl: Poor little middle class liberal arts graduate. / Dorothy: What?
/ Girl: Nothing. / Dorothy: I thought I heard you say something.
/ Girl: No. Go on. / Dorothy: I could have sworn you said something.
/ Cat: Who are you? Where am I?
/ Girl: You do realize we're imaginary, right? http://catandgirl.com/?p=1570 |
| Cat and Girl meet 347 Local | [[The Beatnik Vampire carries a picket sign.]] / Girl: Hey! Can I borrow your Shaggs LP?
/ Vampire: Nope. Sorry. / Girl: Why not?
/ Vampire: We've unionized.
/ [[He points to his sign. It says "Hepsters Union 347 Local."]] / Girl: What?
/ Vampire: Look - a twelve year old girl with a lava lamp and inflatable arm chair. An I-banker with blue hair and an imac. / Vampire: These people are diluting hepsterism beyond all usefulness! Unless we unionize we'll be replaced by cheap Canadian labor. / Girl: So my rotary phone -
/ Vampire: If you had one I'd have to kill you. / Vampire: Do you have one?
/ Girl: Um, No.
/ Vampire: Good. / [[The Beatnik Vampire lights a cigarette.]] / Girl: Cigarettes will kill you all.
/ Vampire: We're undead. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1572 |
| Cat and Girl find Buried Treasure | [[Cat and Girl are tied together, back to back.]] / [[Girl spots a razor blade.]] / [[She holds it in her mouth to cut the ropes.]] / [[They try to escape the pirate ship...]] / [[...but the pirates see them and give chase. Girl jumps into the sea.]] / [[Cat wears a life jacket as Girl tows him through the water.]] / [[Girl spots a desert island.]] / [[They enter a cave on the island. Girl holds a shovel.]] / [[She uncovers a treasure chest.]] / [[Cat and Girl open the treasure chest and look inside.]]
/ Cat: Can it really be?
/ Girl: A king's ransom in mp3s.
/ Cat: We'll never go hungry again! http://catandgirl.com/?p=1574 |
| Cat and Girl Don't Need Drugs: | ..To Fall Asleep!
/ [[Girl falls asleep in bed reading Proust. Cat falls asleep on the floor next to an emptying bottle of booze.]] / ..To Write Poetry!
/ [[A rainbow crosses the sky. Cat is attacked by a raven.]]
/ Raven: Nevermore! Nevermore! / ...To Get Arrested!
/ [[A box of TNT sits by a statue. Cat plugs his ears with his fingers. Girl pushes a button.]] / ..To Read Gravity's Rainbow!
/ [[Girl drinks coffee and reads. Cat passes out on the floor next to an emptying bottle of booze.]] / ..To Have Fun!
/ Girl: Are you eating paint again?
/ Cat: It's my major source of essential lead.
/ Girl: How do you explain the asbestos?
/ Cat: Stop inflicting your square bourgeois morals on me, you bourgeois square!
/ Girl: Are you calling me a square? I'll fix you!
/ Cat: A little late for that! http://catandgirl.com/?p=1576 |
| Cat and Girl battle International Communism | [[Cat and Girl look around a corner.]] / [[They run across an alleyway.]] / [[They hide behind a box.]] / [[They run through the dark city.]] / [[Cat lights a match.]] / Cat: Well, I don't see International Communism anywhere. / Girl: Oh wait - I think I see it. Don't move. / Cat: Where is it?
/ Girl: I think you just stepped in it. / Cat: ew! Really? ew!
/ Girl: Gross - it's all over your shoes. / Girl: That is so disgusting.
/ Cat: Get it off! Get it off! http://catandgirl.com/?p=1578 |
| Cat and Girl wait for Polka's Big Comeback | [[Cat and Girl sit. Cat is wearing lederhosen and smoking a pipe. Girl is wearing a dirndl.]] / Girl: Can I go now?
/ Cat: It's coming - I can feel it! http://catandgirl.com/?p=1580 |
| Cat and Girl meet Dog and Boy | [[It's raining. Girl sits on the sidewalk holding a magazine over her head.]] / [[Boy and Dog walk over. Boy has an umbrella.]]
/ Boy: Hi Girl.
/ Girl: Oh, hi. / Boy: Can I walk you home?
/ Girl: Actually, I'm waiting for Cat to pick me up. / [[Boy looks at Dog.]] / [[Cat roars in on a motorcycle.]]
/ Cat: Jump on, and quick! We've got to get to the frosting factory! / Girl: Well, I have to go now.
/ Boy: I'll see you in school tomorrow?
/ Girl: Yep. / [[Girl pats Dog on the head.]]
/ Girl: Good bye, Dog.
/ Cat: Let's go! The frosting's not gonna eat itself! / [[Cat and Girl drive off on the motorcycle.]] / Boy: Maybe we can find someone else.
/ Dog: Kill. http://catandgirl.com/?p=1582 |
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