You're browsing the archives of Cat and Girl.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

Bad Decision Dinosaur in the Big Woods I [[Bad Decision Dinosaur walks into the woods.]] / [[He sees a squirrel in a tree.]] / [[Bad Decision Dinosaur extends his arm and the squirrel trots over to his shoulder.]] / [[Bad Decision Dinosaur hands the squirrel a pack of cigarettes.]] / [[The squirrel takes the cigarettes. Bad Decision Dinosaur digs into his pocket.]] / [[The squirrel has a cigarette in his mouth, waiting. Bad Decision Dinosaur finds nothing in his pocket.]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=404
Bad Decision Dinosaur in the Big Woods II [[Bad Decision Dinosaur finds a lighter and lights the squirrel's cigarette.]] / [[The squirrel sits in the tree smoking. Bad Decision Dinosaur walks on.]] / [[Bad Decision Dinosaur walks out of the woods.]] / [[He looks back. A sign reads "Fire Danger: High."]] / [[Bad Decision Dinosaur is shocked.]] / [[Back in the woods, three squirrels sit in a tree smoking cigarettes. Bad Decision Dinosaur hands them a liquor bottle marked "XXX."]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=406
High Society [[Cat walks in holding a box.]] / Cat: What do I feel like? / [[Girl sits on the couch. cat searches inside the box.]] / Cat: A monocle? A bicycle? / Cat: A mono-cycle. / Girl: A popsicle. / Cat: A popocle! Oh that would be nice. / Cat: I could emote shock and disapproval when something untoward happens at the opera. / [[Cat puts on a monocle.]] / Cat: Or outside the window of my motor-car. / Cat: Oh man - I can't wait to use my popocle! / Cat: If anyone calls I'm in the parking lot at the Circle K.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=408
Something to Hold Plaque: If I said you had a beautiful body would you listen to my problems? / [[Cat is wearing a blazer and holding a martini glass.]] / Cat: If I said I had a mutual fund would you hold it against me? / Girl: You don't have a mutual fund. / [[Cat hugs a teddy bear.]] / Cat: At least I have Scampers. / [[Cat alone in a dark room holding Scampers.]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=410
Don't Walk Away Buffet [[Girl approaches a buffet.]] / Girl: All You Can Eat. / Girl: Nothing quite says the gluttonous splendor of an empire in decline like All You Can Eat. / Cat: Have you been to the All You Can't Eat? / Cat: Yuck. / Girl: All You Can Eat. / Girl: it might as well be on the dollar bill. / Cat: It's on the one-third dollar. / Girl: The second-rate Valhalla of mediocrity in quantity. / Cat: In Latin by the portrait of William Howard Taft. / Girl: Odin in pleated pants over by the Jello. / [[Cat and Girl look over.]] / Girl: Watch out for the sneeze guard! / Cat: Oh for depth perception - ouch.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=412
 
The Left Bank Cat: I'm broke. / [[Cat is wearing a tuxedo and top hat.]] / Girl: It'll be OK. / Cat: But I wanted to go to the opera in a stretch Weinermobile. / [[Cat sits in a little car.]] / Girl: You live a cheeseburger life on a hamburger budget. / Cat: I'm fancy like ketchup!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=414
All the Other Guys in the Pack [[Cat and Girl walk outside.]] / Girl: I follow. / Girl: I follow crowds. / Girl: I follow orders. / Girl: I follow dreams. / Cat: I followed a dream once. / Cat: It ran into the street / Cat: into incoming traffic / Cat: little pieces of dream insides everywhere
http://catandgirl.com/?p=416
Spooky Tales [[Boy, Grrrl, Girl and Cat stand around a cauldron dressed as witches.]] / Boy: See a black cat on Halloween and pay student loans for the rest of your life! / Grrrl: Every time an owl cries a child stops believing in the redemptive power of fiction. / Girl: I hear if you lock yourself in a bathroom with the lights off and spin around a hundred times when you look in he mirror you see the long-term implications of American foreign policy in Iraq. / Cat: Zombies earn twice what you do.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=418
Acceptance [[Cat stands at the mailbox looking through a bunch of envelopes.]] / Cat: Thick envelope. / Cat: Thin envelope. / [[Cat goes into the house.]] / Cat: Postcard. / Cat: Toothpick. / [[Cat feels around inside a large envelope.]] / [[Cat removes a piece of paper.]] / Cat: I'm in! / Cat: I'm in! I did it! / Cat: I'm going to Squirrel College. / Girl: You're nuts.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=420
Acceptance Cat: You don't think I can be a squirrel. / Girl: Biology is destiny! Sort of sometimes / Cat: But I'm a hard worker. / Girl: The point is - / Cat: And I'm not above cheating. / Girl: It doesn't matter how hard you work. / Girl: Being s squirrel is something you have to be born into - like Judaism - or the Carter Family - or the American presidency. / Girl: You can't study for it. You just are or you aren't. / [[Cat is left alone.]] / [[Cat looks at an envelope.]] / [[He opens the envelope.]] / [[The paper inside says "Congratulations."]] / [["Now you can be a member of the Carter Family for only $15 a month."]] / [[Cat stuffs money into the envelope and smiles.]]
http://catandgirl.com/?p=422
 
Real Answers Cat: 7-11! / Cat: Today is the anniversary of 7-11. / Cat: Let's go get slurpies! / Girl: 9/11. / Cat: What? / Girl: It's the sixth anniversary of 9/11. / Cat: 9/11. / Girl: Planes - buildings - boom. 9/11? / Cat: Doesn't ring a bell. / Girl: 9/11! Patriot day? / Girl: Day of 50% off sales on grills and grill accessories? The last day it's proper to wear yellow shoes? / Girl: Our generation's Altamont? / Cat: 9/11. / Girl: 9/11! / [[Cat uses his calculator.]] / <> / Cat: 0.81{{repeating}}
http://catandgirl.com/?p=424
A-list Cat: Paul Bunyan. / Cat: Bob's Big Boy. / [[Cat checks a notebook.]] / Cat: The Brawny paper towel guy. / Cat: And Anne McCaffrey. / Girl: OK, my team is all characters from Russian literature. Uh - / Girl: Can Count Vronsky bring Froo-Froo? / Cat: There are no horses in fantasy football. / Cat: We can play fantasy polo next. / Girl: Ooooh unicorns!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=426
Econotourism [[Cat, Girl and Grrrl walk in the desert. Grrrl holds a camera.]] / Cat: Hamburg. Frankfurt. Ketchupstan. / Cat: There are so many places I'd like to go! / Grrrl: Ketchupstan. / Cat: "The Red Menace." / Grrrl: I couch surfed around there for a while. / Cat: Must be hard getting the couch down to the water. / Grrrl: I didn't have a plan or a place to live / Cat: Real comfortable place to wait for a wave, though. / Grrrl: so I bummed around, stayed with friends. / Grrrl: Rented rooms for a month at a time. / Girl: There's a word for that. / Grrrl: Bohemian? / Girl: Peripathetic. / Girl: Peripathetic poetic and cheap. / Grrrl: As Yeats wrote - / Grrrl: "I went out to the hazel wood because a fire was in my head." / Girl: As Walt Whitman wrote "I smell of myself."
http://catandgirl.com/?p=428
Stuck on an Island [[Cat and Girl are on a desert island, nothing but water all around them. A palm tree towers over them. Girl is holding binoculars. Cat's arms are full of coconuts.]] / Cat: I'm coco-psychotic!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=430
Love-Love Girl: What's this? / [[Cat stands behind a table with a bow wrapped around it.]] / Cat: A tennis table. / Girl: A tennis table? / Cat: For table tennis! / Girl: Ping-pong? / Cat: Table tennis. / Girl: Ping-pong. / Cat: Table tennis! / Girl: Not everything is named for its relationship to tennis. / Cat: Explain how. / Girl: Like / Girl: Like musical chairs. / Cat: Chair tennis. / Girl: Like couch surfing. / Cat: Couch tennis. / Girl: Like political debates. / Cat: Podium tennis. / Girl: It's ping-pong. / Cat: It's table tennis. / Cat: Not everything is an onomatopoeia. / Grl: Pfft.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=432
 
The Not as Good Part of Valor [[Girl sits at a desk by a window reading a book.]] / [[Cat approaches holding a sandwich.]] / Cat: Studying? / Girl: Yup. / [[Girl holds a book sideways. A centerfold cascades down. Cat and Girl are shocked.]] / Cat: Studying what? / Girl: Indiscrete math.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=434
Multiplex [[Cat and Girl walk past the "Self Help" section in a book store. A sign reads "Help Yourself."]] / Girl: Does everyone have a complex? / Cat: I know I do! / [[Cat and Girl walk outside.]] / Cat: It's an Oedipus complex. / Girl: Oedipus? / Girl: You hate your father and desire your mother? / Cat: O no no / Cat: I'm just good at riddles. / Girl: Well I have a bigger complex. / Girl: A military-industrial complex. / Cat: Oh yeah so I've got a duplex. / Cat: A Napoleon duplex. / Girl: How is it? / Cat: Well, it's small.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=436
Unforgivable Acts Cat: You won't say it with me? / Girl: No! / Cat: But it's the truth. / Girl: That and forty ounces of Olde English will get you kicked out of the mall. / Cat: I'm saying it anyway. / Girl: Go right ahead! / Cat: I. Hate. Bush. / Girl: Who. Cares. / Cat: Bush is evil! / Girl: Everyone hates Bush now. / Girl: Trust fund kids hate Bush. Wrestling fans hate Bush. Hot Topic clerks hate Bush. Small dogs in handbags hate Bush. / Cat: Are you saying Bush-hating has sold out? / Girl: Entire 4-H clubs hate Bush! / Cat: You can't let Bush off the hook just because Bush-hating has become mainstream! / Cat: Think of all the suffering Bush has created! / Cat: Am I the only one who remembers Sixteen Stone?
http://catandgirl.com/?p=438
Nighthawks [[Girl and Grrrl enter a diner.]] / Girl: Why do you think they call it Denny's? / Grrrl: Dennis Hopper. / Girl: Yeah? / [[They sit at a booth.]] / Grrrl: I'm pretty sure they named it after Dennis Hopper. / Girl: Another outsider silenced by mainstream approval. / Girl: Obligatory example one - Travis Bickle! / Girl: Mohawk to faux hawk to bro hawk - the revolutionary impulse turned sartorial option. / Girl: A Che shirt behind every Macbook. / Grrrl: It's inevitable. / Girl: That doesn't make it good. / Grrrl: Maybe it is good. / Grrrl: The outsider co-opted by mainstream culture. The outsider influencing mainstream culture. / Grrrl: Isn't it the same thing? / Waiter: You guys ready to order? / Girl: No. / Grrrl: I'll have the Patties Hearst.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=440
Club Sports [[Girl is sitting at a computer.]] / Cat: They said I couldn't go back. / Girl: What? / Cat: The Future Corpses of America. They kicked me out! / Girl: They can do that? / Cat: "Fire Extinguishers are not toys." Like hell they're not! / Girl: Were they mean? / Cat: Well I guess they can't try to kill me or they'd have to let me back in. / Cat: I'm so alone! / Girl: You don't need some stupid club. America is a land of individuals! / Girl: You have yourself! / Cat: I need a club. / Cat: I hate feeling like a hypocrite when I order the sandwich.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=442
 
If You Can't Take the Heat [[Girl and Grrrl sit at a table playing dominoes.]] / <> / [[A framed portrait of Mr. Peanut is on the wall.]] / <> / Girl: Is there a fire? / Grrrl: Is it time for lunch? / Cat: I was just going through my bell collection. / <> / Grrrl: How can we eat lunch when there are bells all over the table? / Cat: I know! / Cat: I need some way to store them. / [[Grrrl tries out a bell.]] / <> / Cat: Some kind of... jar... for bells... / <> / Cat: A bell... jar...? / <> / Girl: "It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs..." / Girl: It was a bad summer to be Sylvia Plath. / Grrrl: It was a worse summer to be the Rosenbergs!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=444
The Lame Game Cat: Cat Cereal! / [[Cat holds a small slip of paper.]] / Girl: What? / Cat: That's my witness protection program name. Cat Cereal! / Girl: Let me see that. / Cat: It was at the bottom of my box of Cocoa Krispies. / Girl: "Witness Protection Program Name = [Your First Name] + [The first thing you see]" / Cat: Cat Cereal! / Girl: "Punk Rock Name = [Your First Name] + [What you are known for doing]" / Cat: Cat Notthedishes / Girl: "Prime Minister of India Name = [Your First Name] + [Gandhi]" / Cat: I fancy myself more a Nehru. / Girl: "Singer-Songwriter Name = [Biblical First Name] + [City you vaguely considered moving to five years ago]" / Girl: Ruth Bratislava? / Cat: There must be a misprint. That's your blacklisted communist sympathizer name. / Girl: "Science Fiction Name = [Brand of your Shirt] + [Brand of your pants/skirt]" / Girl: "Trust Fund Name = [First Name of your Favorite Senator] + [Last Name of your Favorite Black and White Era Movie Star] [Hyphen] [Name of your Freshman Dorm] + [Number of Living Grandparents, in Roman Numerals]" / Girl: "But everyone calls you Pepper."
http://catandgirl.com/?p=446
Kiss Me, I'm... [[Girl is playing with a paddle ball. Boy has a baseball mitt on his hand.]] / Boy: It must be nice to have a distinct ethnic background. / <> / Girl: Small gene pools. Hereditary disorders. Unpleasant traditional foods. / <> / Boy: Folk dancing! Benevolent societies! Novelty shirts! / Cat: Race wars! / Girl: Race war. / Boy: Race war? / Girl: Have they decided who's wearing the pinnies? / Boy: I heard it was shirts versus skins. / Cat: What if it's office casual! / Cat: If you show up in a tee shirt or sneakers you're off the team. Better luck next end times. / <> / Boy: No team would want me. / Boy: It would be gym class all over again.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=448
Books [[Two Dorothys stand side by side.]] / Dorothy: So yesterday - / Dorothy: So what yesterday? / Dorothy: So yesterday I was going to check over the Donation Derby book one last time before sending it to the printer. / Dorothy: Uh oh. / Dorothy: And the file was just gone. All the reworked derby cartoons were there, but the book file, the covers, the incidental sketches - all gone. / Dorothy: Of course! Of course something like that would happen! / Dorothy: I mean it could have been much worse - I had backed everything up two weeks ago - but I lost two weeks of work. Things had to be redrawn, re-proofread... / Dorothy: So you made a pot of coffee and got to it! / Dorothy: I watched this video on Youtube about gangs in the South Bronx. Then I went to sleep. When I woke up I ate breakfast and drank two glasses of water. The I read the first hundred or so pages of "Rabbit Remembered." / Dorothy: And then I made a pot of coffee and got to it. / Dorothy: It's been a long day but the book's nearly done - again - I might even get it off to the printer tonight! Oh I hope so - I really hope so. / Dorothy: So how's "Rabbit Remembered?" / Dorothy: It's pretty good. / Dorothy: Worth picking up?
http://catandgirl.com/?p=450
Time-Life [[Girl beams, showing off her teeth.]] / Cat: What a beautiful smile! / Girl: I waited for three hours at the Dentist's office today. / Cat: And what lovely magazines they must have! / Girl: New York just makes me hate New York. People just makes me hate - you know. / Cat: And now you can eat all the taffy you want! / Girl: I'm supposed to brush three times a day, floss once in the evening and use these little white picks after every meal. / Girl: Am I supposed to stop reading the newspaper? Stop separating my laundry? / Girl: Stop wearing things with buttons and start wearing things with zippers? / Girl: Should I give up reading fiction or plaing the drums or the pleasure of a quiet moment of contemplation, coffee in hand, staring out the window at the street below? / Girl: Where am I supposed to find the time? / Cat: The world is full of time. / Girl: But it's never in the right place!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=452
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://catandgirl.com/?p=454&ref=nf">http://catandgirl.com/?p=454&ref=nf [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' [[Gavrilo Princip paces in a dark room lit by a single candle.]] / Princip: I'll show them - I'll show them - / Princip: Too weak to join the army huh? / Princip: Too weak - I'll show them - weak - I'll / Princip: I'll / Bad Decision Dinosaur: ASSASSINATE ARCHDUKE FRANZ FERDINAND / Princip: I'll assassinate Archduke Franz Ferdinand! / Bad Decision Dinosaur: YESSS / {{Next week on Bad Decision Dinosaur}} / [[A man in a military uniform with a large mustache speaks.]] / Man: We'll smash through Belgium and occupy France right off the bat! Then the army will be free to concentrate on the Eastern Front. / Bad Decision Dinosaur: ALL RIGHT
http://catandgirl.com/?p=456
Crazy Talk [[An owl sits on a tree branch outside a house. Girl is visible through the window.]] / Owl: HOO / [[Inside, Girl is carrying books.]] / Girl: Who? / [[Girl goes into the kitchen. Cat has his hand in a cookie jar.]] / Girl: Who is a brick house? / Cat: Monticello? / [[Cat gets a cookie.]] / Girl: I will never understand architecture. / Cat: Monticello Monticello men have named you / Cat: Just like the lady with the mystic smiiiiile / Girl: And I'll never understand the opera. / Girl: And I'll never understand backgammon. And I'll never understand French. / Cat: I've never understood Zippy the Pinhead. / Girl: Understanding Zippy the Pinhead is the first sign of adult onset schizophrenia.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=458
Trivia Grrrl: Facts - figures - biological classifications. / Grrrl: A tourette's of the inane. / Grrrl: Too many words obscuring the truth like a swarm of bees obscures the hive. / Grrrl: But I can't stop myself. / Girl: Try drinking a glass of water upside down. / [[Girl hands Grrrl a glass of water.]] / [[Grrrl holds the water.]] / <> / [[She is feeling better.]] / Grrrl: Dolly Mixture's "How Come You're Such a Hit With the Boys, Jane?" was a dig at one of the Mo-dettes. / [[Grrrl no longer feels better.]] / Grrrl: Nuts. / [[Girl waves her arms in the air.]] / Girl: Boo!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=460
Opposite Day [[Girl sits at a table reading a book. Cat wears a party hat and waves his arms.]] / Cat: Happy birthday! / Girl: It's not my birthday. / Cat: Happy reverse birthday! / Girl: It's not my / [[Cat turns the hat on his head upside-down.]] / Cat: One year younger! / [[Cat blows a noisemaker.]] / Cat: <> / Girl: But I liked getting older. / Cat: <> / [[Cat's hat falls off.]] / Cat: Nobody likes getting older! / Cat: There's nothing there but wisdom and death. / Girl: No there's perspective / Girl: as you spend more time in the world you get to see the permanence of ideas and institutions revealed as a charade. / Cat: And now you make me cake!
http://catandgirl.com/?p=462
 

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 >>