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Two Lumps Snooch: The evil...it is coming! / Eben: Zzz...snort...wha? / Snooch: From the darkness of the kitchen it comes for YOU! / Eben: What in Freya's hairweave? / Snooch: It is...COUNT SPATULA! / Eben: All right, no more late night movies for you. Or cooking shows.
http://twolumps.net/d/20070829.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch and Ebenezer, drawn like chibi, stand in front of a rainbow colored background. Ebenezer is yelling]] / Snooch: Eben! It is the Gooshie Foods! / Eben: This is so baka! Why are we looking like this? / [[Snooch happily grabs a blue bowl filled with brown gooshie, a fish head and the end of a bone. Ebenezer has his front arms crossed]] / Snooch: The biggest bowl of gooshie ever seen! KAWAII! / Eben: This is BAKA. I now leaving. / [[Snooch raises his arms to greet a pink box with green eyes labeled POOKY]] / Pooky: But I will never leave you, best friend neko! / Snooch: I love you best, giant magic frosted treat friend! / [[Text below final panel: COME SEE US AT ANIMEFEST THIS WEEKEND!]]
http://twolumps.net/d/20070831.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is staring at what clearly is an armed grenade, eyebrows raised in amazement.]] / [[He stares at it for a moment, deciding what to do with it.]] / [[He glances around to see if anyone can see him, then goes back to looking at the grenade, mind made up.]] / [[However, as he goes to reach for it, Ebenezer appears almost out of nowhere.]] / Ebeneezer: No.
http://twolumps.net/d/20070903.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is staring at what clearly is an armed grenade, eyebrows raised in amazement.]] / [[He stares at it for a moment, deciding what to do with it.]] / [[He glances around to see if anyone can see him, then goes back to looking at the grenade, mind made up.]] / [[However, as he goes to reach for it, Ebenezer appears almost out of nowhere.]] / Ebeneezer: No.
http://twolumps.net/d/20070903.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is staring at what clearly is an armed grenade, eyebrows raised in amazement.]] / [[He stares at it for a moment, deciding what to do with it.]] / [[He glances around to see if anyone can see him, then goes back to looking at the grenade, mind made up.]] / [[However, as he goes to reach for it, Ebenezer appears almost out of nowhere.]] / Ebeneezer: No.
http://twolumps.net/d/20070903.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch sits with a Japanese headband as a blind fold]] / Snooch: Water bowl empty. / Snooch: Pop quenches the parched desert. / Snooch: My burp shatters worlds.
http://twolumps.net/d/20070905.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is walking across the living room in front of the couch]] / Snooch off panel: Hey Eben! Come see my snowman! / Eben: How did you make a snowman indoors? In September? / [[Snooch and Ebenezer are sitting in the kitchen with a very light tan snowman on the floor between them. It has large dark eyes and an orange nose]] / Snooch: I used stuff in the kitchen! / Eben: Hmm. Carrot nose, black olive eyes. Clever. And shaved ice out of the freezer? / [[Snooch sticks his face in the back of the snowman]] / Snooch: Nah, couldn't reach that high. / Eben: Do I smell... mashed potatoes? / Snooch: om nom nom
http://twolumps.net/d/20070907.html
 
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sitting on top of the "Kit e Pan" looking at Ebenezer inside]] / Snooch: Hey, Eben! Why do they call it Welsh Rabbit if it's just- / Eben: I'M BUSY. / Snooch: Oh. / Eben: I don't want to discuss culinary factoids while I'm in the cat pan, thank you. / Snooch: So what're you poopin'? / Eben: GO AWAY.
http://twolumps.net/d/20070910.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer sitting by the TV, talking to the off-screen Snooch; There is also an open toolbox]] / Ebenezer: So all this time, you thought the fish tank was some kind of show? / Snooch: Uh-huh! / Ebenezer: And today you saw Mom take the top off and realized there were fish inside? / Snooch: Yup! / [[Reveal Snooch doing something to the back of the TV as Ebenezer looks on]] / Ebenezer: ...and now you're going after Julia Childs. / Snooch: Dude, either hand me a hammer or quit diss'ractin' me!
http://twolumps.net/d/20070912.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is laying on the couch]] / Snooch off panel: Benny! Come see my Halloween costume! / Eben: Already? You're a bit early... / [[Ebenezer looks at Snooch, who is wearing an orange hooded cape]] / Snooch: Lookit! I'm a hog-gobblin"! / Eben: Not bad. But it's "hob-goblin", you know. / Snooch: ...I still get free bacon, right? / Eben: No. Just candy. / Snooch: Awwww.
http://twolumps.net/d/20070914.html
Two Lumps [[In the living room with a suitcase]] / Snooch: What's all that? / Ebenezer: Gramma sent Mom a suitcase full of yarn. / Snooch: Not more booties! Can we hide it or somethin'? / Ebenezer: I don't think so. There's enough here to totally mummify you. / Snooch: So we could knit... a lady cat? / Ebenezer: I don't know whether to be disgusted or start an online business.
http://twolumps.net/d/20070917.html
Two Lumps [[A box marked 'ENVELOPES' and a box marked 'PAMPHLETS']] / Ebenezer: So you fold the pamphlets, and I stuff and seal the envelopes. / Snooch: Why can't I lick'em? They're tasty! / Ebenezer: Because you keep EATING them instead. / [[Snooch eyes the ENVELOPES box]] / [[Snooch edges towards an envelope on the floor]] / [[Snooch has his mouth open and is about to eat an envelope]] / Ebenezer: Sealing cat is watching you masticate. / {{The reference being the lolcat macro "Ceiling cat is watching you mastur..." yeah.}}
http://twolumps.net/d/20070919.html
 
Two Lumps [[A tabletop. on which sit a can labeled CHEESEBU(RG) NOODLES, a box with two weasels pictured on it labeled MELLOG'S BUNCHES OF STOATS, and a bottle with a spray cap labeled SPRAY GRAVY]] / Ebenezer off panel: Forsooth! Mom's newest shipment from the consumer testing company has arrived! / Snooch off panel: Oooo! Gooshy food again? / Eben off panel: Let's find out... / [[Ebenezer, front paws on the table, looks at the items]] / Eben: Well, there IS a can. / Snooch off panel: YAY! GOOSHY TESTINGS! / Eben: No, it's people food. "Cheddar and ground beef, slow cooked with egg noodles. Your kids will love it!" / [[Snooch's eyes peer over the table next to Ebenezer]] / Snooch: A CAN HAS CHEESEBURGER? / Eben: "May contain bone fragments..."
http://twolumps.net/d/20070921.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is walking past the couch where Snooch is lying with his head up, fur standing on end and whiskers curled in extreme agitation]] / Snooch: AGGGH! WHERE'S MOM?! I NEED MOM! / Eben: Whoa, settle down, Captain Bonbon. You have a nightmare? / [[Snooch is now sitting on the couch while Ebenezer washes himself on the floor]] / Snooch: YES AND IT SUCKED. / Eben: Well, Mom's still at work. Maybe some gooshyfood will help? / Snooch: NO. I NEED MY HAPPY PLACE. / Eben: I know sticking your head in Mom's armpit cures all ills, but you'll have to make do with a pillow for now.
http://twolumps.net/d/20070924.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer walks up to Snooch, who is staring up at the TV with his tongue hanging out]] / TV: And now, here they are! YOUR IRON CHEFS! / Snooch: Ooooo... pick Morimoto!! / Eben: Quit drooling. / TV: Today's secret ingredient: SQUEEDLYSPOOGE! / Snooch: I'm not droolin'. / Eben: You are. There is drool on your face. I assume it's yours. / TV: "Arreya koo-zinnah!" / Snooch: Hey, you get all excited over each issue of Cat Fancy... / Eben: I READ IT FOR THE ARTICLES!
http://twolumps.net/d/20070926.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is lying on the couch, head hanging over the front edge]] / Snooch: Uh. Uuuuungh. / [[Ebenezer sits in front of the couch and smells Snooch]] / Snooch: My head is made of pain. / Eben: *sniff* *sniff* / Eben: So THAT'S why they call it a Hangover. / Snooch: The Carpet Ship went down. All hands lost.
http://twolumps.net/d/20070928.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is watching TV. He has a happy expression]] / TV: ...and our forecast shows the summer-long heat wave has finally broken! / Snooch: Wahoo! Time for some nice Texas Fall weather! / [[Snooch now has a woebegone expression]] / TV: Expect snow flurries by tonight. / Snooch: But... what happened to Fall? / TV: That nap you had ten minutes ago? Yeah, you missed it.
http://twolumps.net/d/20071001.html
 
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sitting on the chair in front of the computer. He looks grumpy]] / Snooch: But you always do the 'puter! Why do I gotta buy stuff? / Ebenezer off panel: If I let you read the movie titles, you'll screw them up again. This Halloween party must be perfect! / [[Snooch, now looking happy, taps the keyboard]] / Eben off panel: Okay, first: "Rear Window", by Alfred Hitchcock. / Snooch: Um... 'kay... I put it in the "Image Finder" thing, right? / Eben off panel: Wait, NO! / [Snooch on the chair and Eben on the floor stare at the monitor]] / Eben: Okay... just back slowly away from the computer. / Snooch: What's... a... goat-see? / Eben: BACK. AWAY.
http://twolumps.net/d/20071003.html
Two Lumps [Ebeneezer, looking off into the distance] / Ebeneezer: This life... it bores me. There are only so many times I can plot the economic collapse of human society. / [He suddenly looks thoughtful] / Ebeneezer: But would I be as bored if I were... a Green Bay Packer Fan? / [He now wears a Green Bay Packers jersey and cheesehead hat] / Ebeneezer: I have a plastic cheese hat on my head and a strange obsession with a guy named Brett.
http://twolumps.net/d/20071005.html
Two Lumps [[In the kitchen. Snooch is eating, Ebenezer looking off-panel]] / Off-panel: <<*scoop, scoop, scoop*>> / Snooch: GULP GULP GULP / Ebenezer: Hurry up! She's almost done! / Mom (off-panel): Whew! / [[Snooch in motion, racing off-panel as Ebenezer watches]] / Snooch: Locked n' loaded! / Ebenezer: Go go go go GO! / Mom (off-panel): Ack! SNOOCH, I JUST FINISHED--- / Ebenezer: Nature abhors a clean catbox.
http://twolumps.net/d/20071008.html
Two Lumps [[A bottle of vodka sitting on the table]] / [[Snooch appears, looking at the bottle]] / [[Snooch glances around mischievously]] / [[The bottle now has a pair of Groucho Marx gag glasses on it]] / Snooch: [[off-screen]] HEE HEE...
http://twolumps.net/d/20071010.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch glares at the pair of glasses sitting where the "disguised" bottle of vodka from the previous strip used to be]] / [[Ebeneezer appears, looking at Snooch, who glares at him]] / Ebeneezer: You wanted the vodka, so you put a disguise on it thinking Mom wouldn't recognize it? / Snooch: Shut up. / [[Both are silent for a moment]] / Ebeneezer: And you really thought it would WORK??? / Snooch: SHUT. UP.
http://twolumps.net/d/20071012.html
 
Two Lumps [[Snooch is rolling on his back on the couch. Ebenezer is sitting on the floor wearing a backwards ball cap and a jersey]] / Snooch: They see me rollin' I'm purrin' But they're just jealous 'cause I'm all fat and furry! / Eben: Wo yeah he's fat and furry! Cantcha see he's fat and furry? / [[Snooch is now sitting on the couch, Eben turns to leave]] / Snooch: People tell me to just get lean But they ain't down with the feline scene No cat wanna be all shaped like a string bean I wanna nap and eat my weight in poutine! / Snooch: All tha moggies wanna be like me! I steal Mom's food when she gets up to go p-- / Mom off panel: HEY! What happened to my tuna sandwich?! / Eben off panel: 5-0 at the do', gotta go...
http://twolumps.net/d/20071015.html
Two Lumps [[It's nighttime--a dark grey cougar (looking like Ebenezer) crouches on the edge of a black cliff, a crescent moon shining overhead]] / Cougar/Eben: High atop a midnight mesa, the mighty cougar prowls for his dinner... Only the moon sees his creeping form... / [[In the house, Mom reaches down to scratch Eben's butt]] / Mom: Ooh, lookit the fuzzy butt in need of scratchins! / Eben: HEY! / Mom: Yes, who got a little fuzz butt? / Eben: STOP THAT! STOP... Damn it! / [[Nighttime again, on the black cliff, Eben arches his butt to Mom's hand]] / Cougar/Eben: High atop the midnight mesa, the cougar's fuzzy hind end receives worship... / Mom: Fuzzy little waterfall butt... / Cougar/Eben: It is a waterfall of death.
http://twolumps.net/d/20071017.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch clearly looking disgusted, eyes wide and staring in opposite directions, teeth clenched]] / Snooch: [[superscript]] GUH-LEAH! / [[Snooch with one eye squeezed shut, mouth open with his tongue hanging out]] / [[Snooch lying on his back, a partially-eaten urinal cake next to him as Ebenezer looks on in annoyance]] / Snooch: THAT TASTES NOTHING LIKE CAKE! / Ebenezer: Finding it in a urinal wasn't a tip-off?
http://twolumps.net/d/20071019.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch, looking grumpy and with his tongue sticking out, is sitting in the kitchen looking at a bowl of food]] / Snooch: Wait a minute. What's IN gooshyfood? I bet it's monkeys. Man, I can't sit around eating monkeys. / [[Snooch leaves the kitchen]] / Snooch off panel: Benny, what's in gooshyfood? / Ebenezer off panel: Horse and pig parts. And lots and lots of cornmeal and soy. / Snooch: No monkeys? / Eben: GO AWAY. / [[Snooch is back in the kitchen, leaning over the bowl with a greedy look on his face]] / Snooch: I finally get to eat a horse.
http://twolumps.net/d/20071022.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch, who is sitting looking very unhappy]] / Eben: Why the long face? / Snooch: I can't think of a good Halloween costume. / Eben: Hmm. Turn around backwards. / [[Snooch turns around]] / Snooch: Okay! / Eben: Now imagine there was no gooshyfood left in the WHOLE WORLD. / [[Snooch"s tail bristles erect exposing his asshole]] / Snooch: AIIGH! Now what?! / Eben: Now you're an exclamation point. Have fun.
http://twolumps.net/d/20071024.html
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is on the couch, Snooch is on the floor looking at a telescope which is labeled KATSKAM 2600 XR4]] / Snooch: Benny! There's a tooby-tube thingy in here! Hello tube! / Eben: That's a telescope. One of Mom's friends left it here. / Snooch: A tell-a-who? / Eben: *sigh* It allows humans to see faraway things up close. Like the moon, stars, the night sky. / Snooch: Humans can't see the moon without one of these? Wow. Sucks for them. / Eben: YEAH. OKAY. NAPPING HERE.
http://twolumps.net/d/20071026.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch and Ebenezer are sitting in front of a black and white photo of trees, rocks, grass. Snooch is dressed like an Indian wearing a headdress with blue feathers and a bead-trimmed tan shirt. Eben is wearing a tan and brown cowboy shirt with a bolo tie, a detective-style hat, and chewing a stalk of yellow wheat]] / Snooch: HAY BENNY! WE'RE IN A BOOK! / Eben: Yes, I know. / Snooch: I bet we're cowboys and Indians in it! / Eben: You'd be wrong. / [[Background is now a photo of a desolate landscape. Snooch is wearing a metal cap covering his eyes, a spiked collar, and has a crossbow on his back. Eben is wearing a spiked tail ring, a chain around his neck, a metallic muzzle, and has spiky green punk hair]] / Snooch: Ooooo! Or we're mutant warriors in a post-apocalyptic future, on a mission to... / Eben: Nope. It's not that kind of book. / [[Close-up of Eben's frowning face]] / Eben: It's a collection of our first year's strips. Complete with commentary by the writer and the artist. / [[Background is now a black and white photo of a city. Snooch is wearing a black mask and a black bra. Eben is slinking away]] / Snooch: Ooo! I know! We're probably workers in a French bondage brothel! / Eben: Oh for crying out loud...
http://twolumps.net/d/20071029.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is sitting on the couch, Snooch is sitting on the floor in front of it]] / Voice off panel: Twigger tweet! / Mom off panel: Aren't you guys cute! / Snooch: Hey! Where's the candy goin'?! / Eben: To the kids, nougatbrain. / [[Eben washes himself, Snooch stalks off in high disgust]] / Mom off panel: And one for you... / Snooch: They just go up to houses and get candy?! / Eben: That's the point of Halloween, yes. / Snooch: %$#&%!! / [[Eben looks up and realizes Snooch has left the room]] / Eben: But there's always enough left over to choke a moose, right? <<*slam*>> / Eben: Snooch? Uh-oh.
http://twolumps.net/d/20071031.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is sitting on the couch, staring after Snooch, who ran out the door in the previous strip]] / Eben: Great Bast! He's outside, alone! I've got to save him! / Eben: Then again, he's chasing his dream. Maybe this is a personal journey he needs to make. / [[Eben walks towards the door]] / Eben: Who am I kidding? He got lost in the litterbox last week.
http://twolumps.net/d/20071102.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer, fur all ruffled, is sitting on the sidewalk outside the house, glaring at Snooch as he runs back to the door]] / Eben: BACK INSIDE RIGHT NOW OR I MEOW UNTIL MOM COMES OUT AND REVOKES ALL GOOSHYFOOD FOR A YEAR! / Snooch: Yeesh! Okay! I'm goin'! / [[Eben still sits on the sidewalk, tail lashing, while Snooch has gone inside]] / Eben: What were you thinking? / Snooch off panel: CANDY, duh. / Eben: You lowndown and dirty little crook. / Snooch off panel: WHAT??? It's FREE! / [[Eben walks towards the door to go inside]] / Eben: Candy is for KIDS. Not CATS. That was evil, Snooch. / Snooch off panel: WHATEVA. Can we just forget this happened. / Eben: I see no reason why Trick-Or-Treat treason should ever be forgot.
http://twolumps.net/d/20071105.html
 

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