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Two Lumps [[Snooch and Eben are walking down the tunnel]] / Snooch: I hope we can find a way outta here without runnin' into that crazy rabbit again. / Ebem: Bad hare day. / [[They come across a small table with cupcakes, a bottle, and signs reading "eat me!" and "drink me!"]] / Snooch: Open bar! SCORE! / Eben: I...
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sitting next to hugely overgrown Ebenezer, listening to door]] / Door: Halt! If further travelers you would be, first you must find the golden key, then answer me my riddles three! / Snooch: Dang. Benny, you see a key up there? / [[Ebenezer smashes paw through door]] / Ebenezer: ROAR! GATOJIRA...
Two Lumps [[A disgruntled green caterpillar is sitting on a mushroom, smoking a tan and brown hookah with purple smoke puffs overhead]] / Caterpillar: Whoooo...arrrrre...yo- / [[Close-up of caterpillar's face looking up]] / Caterpillar: AAAGH! / [[Snooch and dazed Ebenezer are sitting; several mushrooms are around...
Two Lumps [[Alice in Wonderland story arc. A cat's head is drawn in psychedelic style against a glowing pink and green background]] / Snooch: WE'RE ALL MAD HERE, EBEN! I'M MAD, YOU'RE MAD, THE BANISTER'S MAD... / [[Background is now purple and brown, sort of looks like paisley]] / Snooch: YOU MUST BE MAD. OTHERWISE...
Two Lumps [[Alice in Wonderland story arc. A cat's head is drawn in psychedelic style against a glowing pink and green background]] / Snooch: WE'RE ALL MAD HERE, EBEN! I'M MAD, YOU'RE MAD, THE BANISTER'S MAD... / [[Background is now purple and brown, sort of looks like paisley]] / Snooch: YOU MUST BE MAD. OTHERWISE...
Two Lumps [[Alice in Wonderland story arc. Snooch and Ebenezer enter a gray brick building with a brown door, green grass is nearby]] / Snooch: A house! Maybe these people can tell us where we are. / Eben: This is how my eyeballs roll. / [[Inside the house the cook is shaking pepper into a green soup, while the...
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer, still woozy, and Snooch are racing away from a house]] / Snooch: Man, I'm glad we're outta there. Those people were nuts! / Ebenezer: Now in Chipotle Gato flavor! / Snooch: Wait, I hear voices... some guys are havin' a picnic or somethin'. / Ebenezer: They're not in my head? / [[Both cats...
Two Lumps [[Mad Hatter, wearing a brown coat and hat and a red bowtie, is sitting behind a table with a pink teapot and pink cups on it]] / Mad Hatter: No room! No room! / Snooch: Dude, I'm fat and there is PLENTY of room. / Mad Hatter: Then have some wine! / Snooch: AWESOME! / Mad Hatter: Psych! I drank it all! / Snooch:...
Two Lumps [[Snooch and the Mad Hatter sitting at a tea party. Snooch looks over his shoulder at an off-panel Ebenezer]] / Snooch: Man, I need ta sober him up. Got any coffee? / Mad Hatter: Sorry. Plenty of tea, though. You just have to make a fresh pot. / Snooch: 'Kay. / [[Snooch with a teakettle in his teeth, pouring...
Two Lumps [[Sitting at a table with a pink teapot are Snooch who is wearing a green hat labeled Beer God, the hat holds two cans connected by tubing, and the March Hare in a formal blue-green jacket and light red tie holding a beer stein]] / Snooch: Whither Peter Violent-Tail? / March Hare: HUH? OH, YOU MET OL'...
Two Lumps Comic out of order / Please come back tomorrow.
 
Two Lumps RRUUMMMMBBBLE / AAAGH! / WHOOOA! / WTF just happened? / IT FEELS LIKE THE EARTH JUST ENTIRELY CHANGED ITS DIRECTION! / Holy hairballs! What do we do?! / I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I'M GETTING DRUNK! / That's your answer to everything.
Two Lumps [[Table with pink teapot and several teacups, one spilled. Behind the table are the Mad Hatter wearing with a brown hat, brown coat and red bow tie, Snooch, and Ebenezer under a patterned brown cloth]] / Mad Hatter: WHY IS A RAVEN LIKE A WRITING-DESK? / Snooch: Hmmmm... / Ebenezer: They both have inky quills. / [[Snooch...
Two Lumps [[Table with pink teapot and several teacups. Behind the table are the Mad Hatter wearing a brown hat, brown coat and red bow tie and Snooch]] / Snooch: Why's there so much stuff here? More people comin'? / Mad Hatter: NO, IT'S ALWAYS TEA-TIME, SO WE NEVER GET AROUND TO WASHING UP. / Snooch: You need...
Two Lumps Mad Hatter: the real problem is, time doesn't pass here anymore. / Snooch: What? How come? / Mad Hatter: I was performing for the Queen and she accused me of murdering time! I mean really! / Snooch: Yeah, that's kinda harsh. / [[Mad Hatter starts scowling and flailing wildly.]] / Mad Hatter: It was justifiable...
Two Lumps [[Snooch is talking to the March Hare, who is wearing a green jacket and a pale red bow tie. Two pink teacups are setting on a table]] / Snooch: Hey, can you tell us how to get home? / March Hare: NAW, MAN. THE ONLY PERSON WHO'D KNOW THAT IS THE QUEEN. / [[A beer mug holding yellow liquid has been added...
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch are looking at two figures standing in front of a bar called THE CARD HOUSE. It's dark purple twilight with a partially cloud covered moon in the sky]] / Snooch: What the...? / Figure one: IT'LL NEVER WORK! / Figure two: WELL WE CAN'T TAKE THEM INSIDE LIKE THIS! / [[Snooch is now...
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is sitting on floor, Snooch walks behind brown bar with gold footrail, wallpaper is repeating pattern of queen of hearts playing card]] / Voice balloon: Ah, company! Come in, fellows, come in! / Snooch: Who're you? / [[A woman stands behind the bar with two martini glasses and a shot glass...
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sitting behind a bar talking to the Queen of Hearts who is wearing a burgundy and white cowgirl shirt and gold earrings and bracelets. Ebenezer sits in front of the bar glaring frontwards out of the scene]] / Snooch: Can you tell us how to get outta here? / Queen: Aw, but you just got here,...
Two Lumps Snooch: Benny! I dunno how to play this "draw" thing! I can barely doodle! Help me! / Eben: Eight is Enough. / Snooch: OK, lose the eight. Now what? / Eben: Three's Company. / Snooch: Losin' the three! / Queen: Draw two? Here ya go sugar. / Snooch: Uh. I gots two blackjacks and a spare one. Is that good? / Eben:...
Two Lumps [[Snooch is staring at the Queen of Hearts. She has bright red lipstick, burgundy hair pulled back in a bun held by two yellow sticks, is wearing a cowgirl style burgundy and white shirt with a yellow heart above each breast and is holding five red-suited cards in her hand]] / Queen: Aces full of kings,...
 
Two Lumps [[Snooch and Ebenezer are on the couch. Snooch has an agonized expression and his tail is fluffed in alarm, Ebenezer is splayed in startled jumpiness]] / Snooch: NOT THE FACE! / Ebenezer: WHAT IN THOR'S FRUIT BASKET?! / [[Snooch now looks normal, Ebenezer has fallen to the floor on his back]] / Snooch:...
Two Lumps In Balinese hot stone massage, smooth heated rocks are placed at therapeutic points on the body to aid in deep relaxation. / What in the name of Mordor are you up to now? / Meditatin'. Bein' one with the universe an' stuff. / Okay. But why on a basket? / I, uh, know nothing of such earthly matters. / Hey!...
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is on the couch, Snooch is off panel]] / Snooch: EBEN! HEY EBEN! / Ebenezer: Feline powers preserve us... / [[Snooch sits in front of couch wearing a red Santa hat, Ebenezer glares at him]] / Snooch: It's that TIME again! When everyone gives things to each other and there's laughing and singing...
Two Lumps [[Snooch watching the TV]] / TV: The bleak economic figures are compounded by waning support for the retail sector. A hearty Black Friday prompted optimism in retail, but sales are not expected to maintain this brisk pace. / [[Close-up on Snooch, trying to concentrate. Figures and phrases from the financial...
Two Lumps [[Snooch watching the TV]] / TV: The bleak economic figures are compounded by waning support for the retail sector. A hearty Black Friday prompted optimism in retail, but sales are not expected to maintain this brisk pace. / [[Close-up on Snooch, trying to concentrate. Figures and phrases from the financial...
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sitting on a chair glaring at the computer screen]] / Snooch: BENNY! How do you spell "Bailout"? / Ebenezer off panel: Why? / Snooch: I just got layed off. / [[Snooch taps at computer keypad]] / Ebenezer off panel: You what now? / Snooch: I was asleep on the couch and then mom layed down there...
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is sleeping on couch, Snooch is sitting on floor in front of it with red stuff around mouth]] / Mom offpanel: HEY! WHO LICKED ALL THE FROSTING OFF MY GINGERBREAD MEN??? / [[Ebenezer turns head towards Snooch who is looking away and whistling]] / [[Ebenezer drapes paw over couch, Snooch looks...
Two Lumps Marshmallow 1: CRAIG! STAY WITH ME, CRAIG! DON'T LEAVE ME! / Marshmallow 2: MMPH! / [[Marshmallow 2 sinks]] / Marshmallow 1: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! / <> / Snooch: I guess I'll take my cocoa plain from now on.
Two Lumps Eben: You hung a picture of Danny Partridge on a bartlett pear sapling. / [[Snooch stares at his creation, his back to us]] / Eben [[walking off]]: Atually, that's pretty clever, Snooch. Well done. Now let's go eat dinner. / [[Snooch is left alone with the picture of Danny Partridge hanging on the bartlett...
Two Lumps [[Snooch lies on his back beside a bucket labeled "CARAMEL", a bucket labeled "CHOCOLATE", a sack labeled "PECANS", a box labeled "ICE CREAM BARS", and two clean popsicle sticks]] / Eben: No. You didn't / Snooch: Oooooh, I did. / Eben: You dipped ice cream bars in caramel, chocolate and pecan chunks? / Snooch:...
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch on the sofa]] / Eben [[holding his right paw up in glory]]: BEHOLD! I up the ante! / Snooch: Three smoking chickens? / Eben: HENS! and I have taught them FRENCH! / Snooch: How'd you teach them to smoke cigarretes? / [[Three hens stand at the foot of the sofa, wearing striped T-shirts,...
 

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