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| Two Lumps | [[Snooch lies on the floor sleeping and drooling. Ebenezer walks in.]]
/ Ebenezer: Dull, dull, dull. This entire day has been painfully humdrum. Ah well, I guess it's up to me to make my own entertainment with yon drooling slob.
/ Snooch: *zzzzzzzz* / Ebenezer: Great Hera's Dreadlocks! Snooch, wake... http://twolumps.net/d/20060127.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is hiding behind an ottoman.]]
/ Ebenezer: Why are you hiding behind the ottoman?
/ Snooch: There's a book in the living room. / [[Ebenezer is leaning over a book, reading it.]]
/ Ebenezer: "2006: Chinese year of the fire dog! Welcome to the Chinese year of the dog..." / [[Back at the ottoman,... http://twolumps.net/d/20060130.html |
| Two Lumps | Title: Progressive Logic According to Snooch / Snooch: Step 1: Oil is s'posed to help itchy, dry winter skin.
/ <<*ITCH SCRATCH SCRATCH*>> / Snooch: Step 2: Short'nin' is squishy oil you can eat. / Snooch: Step 3: I think I'm gonna throw up. http://twolumps.net/d/20060201.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch sitting at the computer]]
/ Snooch: Benny! I need your help!
/ Ebenezer: For the last time, it's not THAT kind of mouse...
/ Snooch: No, I saw this page an' it said I need to take Cheeses into my heart! / Ebenezer: That's a religion site, Snooch. It's not "cheeses"--
/ Snooch: An' then I remembered... http://twolumps.net/d/20060203.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch sit on the couch, looking curious]]
/ Mom: COUGH COUGH COUGH
/ Ebenezer: Nasty chest cold Mom has there.
/ Snooch: She just talked to a "doc-tor" on the phone. What is that? / Ebenezer: Oho! A doctor is like a vet for humans. Reaping what you've sowed, Mom.
/ Snooch: They have those??? / [[Ebenezer... http://twolumps.net/d/20060206.html |
| Two Lumps | Mom: Okay, I'm up... gotta do.... things. Chores. Whoa... I don't remember painting the kitchen with pink elephants?
/ Ebenezer: Yikes. Sounds like Mom's still got a bad fever. Or some REALLY good cold medicine.
/ Snooch: HUN-GRY. / Mom: Right, right... feed the cats... big ol' can of gooshy... here... http://twolumps.net/d/20060208.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is walking and hears Snooch]]
/ Snooch: Whee-hee-hee! Benny, you gotta try this!
/ Ebenezer: ... famous last words, indeed. What is it, tubs? / [[Ebenezer stops. Snooch is wide-eyed, his tail is whipping everywhere and he is batting maddly at used Kleenex]]
/ Snooch: LOOK! Mom must be feelin... http://twolumps.net/d/20060210.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is approched by Snooch, who's halfway covered in baby powder]]
/ Snooch: Eeeeeeeeebeeeennnnnn...wooooo...
/ Eben: Great Caesar's Ghost! / [[Snooch sits up, very unhappy]]
/ Eben: Wait a sec. You're still alive, you're just coated in white stuff.
/ Snooch: Ohhhh... it's baby powwwder...
/ Eben:... http://twolumps.net/d/20060213.html |
| Two Lumps | Superscript: Valentine's Day 2004: Consumed a full pound of Godiva chocolates in 5 minutes.
/ [[Snooch is sprawled, comatose with sugar shock, near a candy box]]
/ Mom: SNOOCH! NO! / Superscript: Valentine's Day 2005: Completely devoured two dozen roses (including leaves) during a commercial break.
/ [[Snooch... http://twolumps.net/d/20060215.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer enters to find Snooch lying on the ground, his face covered with goo]]
/ Ebenezer: What the heck have you done, el blob?
/ Snooch: I found where Mom was hidin' a bunch of gooshy caramels. / [[Ebenezer sits, and Snooch gets up and walks off screen]]
/ Ebenezer: She's going to be furious that... http://twolumps.net/d/20060217.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is hiding off-panel]]
/ Ebenezer: Let's see them already.
/ Snooch: NUH-UH!
/ Ebenezer: You're going to have to wear them until the fur you ripped off grows back, so you have to come out eventually. / Snooch: I don't wanna!
/ Ebenezer: Look, just think of them as "replacement fur" so you don't... http://twolumps.net/d/20060220.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer enters to find Snooch, who is lying on his back with a wet-looking stomach]]
/ Ebenezer: Snooch, have you seen -- egads! You've been slimed!
/ Snooch: Nuh-uh, it's handlotion an' I did it on purpose! / [[Snooch sits up]]
/ Ebenezer: Why in Bast's name would you do that?
/ Snooch: I'm tryin' ta... http://twolumps.net/d/20060222.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch looking surprised, Ebenezer looks on]]
/ Snooch: Waitaminnit... how did my fur grow back so fast?!
/ Ebenezer: Why, the Magic Cat Fur Fairies, of course.
/ Snooch: The what? / Ebenezer: Long ago, the Fairy Queen saw that we cats could never succeed alone in our quest to dominate the earth, so... http://twolumps.net/d/20060224.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer walking up to Snooch in front of the couch.]]
/ Ebenezer: Why the long face, Sasquatch?
/ Snooch: Last night... I finally got on the fireplace mantle and ate those candy bars, but they tasted gross. / [[Ebenezer and Snooch sitting in front of the couch.]]
/ Ebenezer: These "candy bars," they... http://twolumps.net/d/20060227.html |
| Two Lumps 20060301 | [[Snooch walking up to Eben, wearing a cowboy hat, with a handkerchief tied around his rear foot.]]
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20060301.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is on the ground, looking sick. Ebenezer walks in.]]
/ Snooch: Ooog.
/ Ebenezer: Looks like that change finally worked its way through your system, I see.
/ Snooch: Not doin' that again. / Ebenezer: Well, at least a lesson was learned. I'm assuming the catbox is off-limits for now, then?
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20060303.html |
| Two Lumps | Heading: And Now: Cat Theology
/ With Eben & Snooch / [[Snooch and Eben sitting on the couch. Eben is looking at Snooch intently, while the latter appears dumbly excited.]]
/ Snooch: Hey, I been thinking.
/ Ebenezer: Oh, good grief.
/ Snooch: Mom feeds us, pets us, gives us a house to live in, and cleans... http://twolumps.net/d/20060306.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch laying in front of the couch, looking stuffed. Eben off-frame]]
/ Ebenezer: Snooch, Mom just fed us. Why is the bowl empty?
/ Snooch: I have finally mastered the ancient Chinese art of Flowing Wind. / Snooch: Rather than eating, I can now inhale my food. By focusing my stomach muscles and... http://twolumps.net/d/20060308.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch (V.O.): GUH. / [[Snooch has his nose in a book, propped open and up: "MODERN LEGENDS, by (illegible)". Ebenezer approaches.]]
/ Ebenezer: Trying to figure out the best way to lick the wall socket?
/ Snooch: This book sez what happens after you die. / [[The book falls flat; Snooch, visible, looks... http://twolumps.net/d/20060310.html |
| Two Lumps | [[A black and white, phototouched picture of a garden scene, resembling a jungle wilderness. Two black circles, surrounded by bands of white, which could be flowers or eyes.]]
/ Snooch (V.O.): The amorphous blob skulks across the land, clinging to shadows. / [[Another black and white, indistinct photo... http://twolumps.net/d/20060313.html |
| Two Lumps | [[In a photograph taped onto a black scrapbook page, Snooch is wearing a wedding dress and veil, obscuring his eyes, while Ebenezer, wearing a tux with his tophat lying askew on the floor, glares at him]] / Subtext: Mel Hynes + J.L. Grant
/ March 18th, 2006 http://twolumps.net/d/20060318.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT THE DESPAIR IN THE PLAY, WHICH IS NEVER DEFINED AS SUCH BUT WHICH PERVADES ALL THE LACK OF ACTION AND GIVES THE PLAY ITS METAPHYSICAL COLOR, IS THE FACT THAT THE TWO TRAMPS CANNOT NOT WAIT FOR GODOT, AND THE COROLLARY FACT THAT HE CANNOT COME.
/ Ebenezer: That's as the... http://twolumps.net/d/20060327.html |
| Two Lumps | Eben and Snooch Theatre presents: The Great Gatsby / by F. Scott Fitzgerald. / [[Eben and Snooch running like madmen]]
/ Snooch: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!1!!! / < http://twolumps.net/d/20060329.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Theater poster]]
/ Eben and Snooch Theatre presents: _The Lottery_ by Shirley Jackson / [[Ebenezer and Snooch conversing, Snooch looking at a piece of paper, a bowl of round things next to Ebenezer]]
/ Ebenezer: You have drawn the spotted paper! The fates have chosen you to be sacrificed!
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20060331.html |
| Two Lumps | Eben and Snooch Theatre presents: SIR GAWAIN AND THE GREEN KNIGHT / [[Eben as wizard, Snooch as Gawain]]
/ Ebenezer: And the riddle you must answer, Sir Knight: What is it that women most desire? You have one year to find ---
/ Snooch: GOOSHYFOOD AN' BELLY RUBBINS! / Ebenezer: Ahem. Actually,... http://twolumps.net/d/20060403.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben and Snooch Theatre presents: The Catcher In The Rye / By J.D. Salinger]] / [[Snooch lying on the floor looking stuffed]]
/ Snooch: Life sucks. Everything sucks. I want to die. Meer meer meer. / [[Eben's head sticking into the previous scene]]
/ Eben: Wait... Holden was a cat. Suddenly it... http://twolumps.net/d/20060405.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Art poster style]]
/ Eben and Snooch Theatre presents: THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME / [[Close-up of Eben's face and forequarters with look of predator stalking prey]]
/ Ebenezer: Today I hunt... HUMANKIND! / [[Eben wrapped around Mom's legs, with claws and fangs sunk into them]]
/ Mom: EBEN!!! WHAT THE HELL... http://twolumps.net/d/20060407.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Announcement panel]]
/ Due to circumstances beyond our control, today's strip is a rerun. / [[Panels are the artwork from the March 22, 2004 comic, with new text painted over the original.]]
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20060410.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Playbill Style]] Eben and Snooch Theatre Presents:
/ Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde / Ebenezer: Success! This mixture will transform me into a creature entirely of my darker natures! I shall rampage through the night in a fury, wreaking destruction and chaos!
/ Snooch: Um, what's that mean in lil' words? / Ebenezer:... http://twolumps.net/d/20060412.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Playbill Style]] Eben and Snooch Theatre Presents: OF MICE AND MEN / By John Steinbeck / Snooch: Oops. I broke mom's stuffed mouse.
/ Ebenezer: Mom's going to kill us. That was a stuffed animal from her childhood. She loved it more than her bunny slippers. / Snooch: TELL ME ABOUT THEM BUNNY SLIPPERS!
/ Ebenezer:... http://twolumps.net/d/20060414.html |
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