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Two Lumps [[Photo rendering of the outside of a cafe. Digital text at the top of the panel reads "HEALTH: 100"]] / Electronic Text: I WANDER INTO THE MALL AND HEAD FOR A CAFE TO REPLENISH MY ENERGY / [[Photo rendering of a waitress making coffee in a cafe]] / Electronic Text: THE WOMAN BEHIND THE COUNTER MAKES...
Two Lumps [[Eben sitting on bathroom counter]] / Ebenezer: One last time, Snooch: we are protesting the diet kibble by staring at Mom when she tries to use the toilet. / Snooch (off-screen): And that works? / [[Snooch entering with a stupid yet satisfied look on his face]] / Ebenezer: Indeed, passive resistance...
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch sit on a counter, as Snooch stares at the calendar page for September 2006.]] / Ebenezer: Hey, Snooch, what are you staring a-- / [[Ebenezer goes flying off the counter, eyes wide.]] / Snooch: 47 DAYS 13 HOURS 29 MINUTES 52 SECONDS UNTIL FREE CANDY DAY!!! / [[Ebenezer sits on the...
Two Lumps [[Eben walking into the living room, where two empty flowerpots sit next to the couch and dirt is strewn across the floor.]] / Snooch: WHEEEEE HEE HEE! / Ebenezer: Did Mom start growing Catnip or something? / [[Eben glaring at Snooch, who is entering the room.]] / Snooch: I'm gonna be a FIERCE JUNGLE CAT! / Ebenezer:...
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer sitting in kitchen, talking to Snooch, who is offscreen]] / Ebenezer: I tell you, you're being DUPED, Snooch. Used as a pawn of the humans for menial... uh... means! / Snooch (offscreen): Nuh-uh! Can't fool me, it's right here! / <> / Ebenezer: Yes you ARE, you hamloaf!...
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer sits on the couch, trying to read. Snooch is out of frame.]] / Snooch: HAY BENNY! I'M IN YOUR DISH, EATIN' YOUR FOOD! / Ebenezer: Whatever. Very nice. Shut up. / [[Ebenezer sits up, looking annoyed.]] / Snooch: HAY BENNY! I'M IN YOUR PAN, POOPIN' YOUR SAND! / [[Snooch sits on the floor in front...
Two Lumps {{Parody of "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General", from the musical "Pirates of Penzance" by Gilbert & Sullivan}} / [[Ebenezer sits in the center of the couch.]] / Ebenezer: I am the very model of a shedding individual, / Maintaining every surface with a coat of hair residual, / With static...
Two Lumps [[Snooch is on the couch with a straw in his mouth]] / Snooch: <> / [[Ebenezer is on the floor]] / Snooch: <> / Ebenezer: What the HELL are you doing? / [[Snooch has dropped the straw and turned to face Ebenezer]] / Snooch: Mom's never gonna figure out how I got a hairball that high up on the...
Two Lumps [[A gecko crawls along the floor.]] / Gecko: I am a gecko. Not to be confused with... / [[A paw comes down hard on the gecko.]] / <> / [[Snooch sits with his paw on the gecko, and a grin on his face.]] / Gecko: Arg. So I can't tell them about car insurance? / Snooch: Nope! / Gecko: I think you broke...
Two Lumps [[Back of Snooch's head, looking out a window at a bird in a tree]] / Bird: Bet you wish you could fly. / [[Front view of Snooch with a huge grin]] / Snooch: Bet you wish you could duck! / [[Snooch shooting a peashooter or blowgun]] / Bird off panel: What? / Snooch's pea shooter: PTOO / Bird: AAAAAIGH!
Two Lumps [[Back of Snooch's head, looking out a window at a bird in a tree]] / Bird: Bet you wish you could fly. / [[Front view of Snooch with a huge grin]] / Snooch: Bet you wish you could duck! / [[Snooch shooting a peashooter or blowgun]] / Bird off panel: What? / Snooch's pea shooter: PTOO / Bird: AAAAAIGH!
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer sits on the couch in the living room. Snooch flees into the room, ducking behind the couch.]] / Snooch: AAAAAIGH! HIDE! THE DOGS ARE COMING! THE DOGS! / Ebenezer: You don't say. / [[Eben glares at Snooch, of whom nothing is visible behind the couch but his tail.]] / Snooch: It was on the news!...
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sitting on the bathroom counter, leaning over and happily looking into the toilet.]] / Snooch: YES!DIE, HORRID BEASTY THINGS! DIE DIE DIE! / [[Snooch grinning at Ebenezer, who is offscreen]] / Ebenezer: What the blazes are you on about? / Snooth: Roaches in the toilet! An I'm gonna take credit...
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer approaches the Happi Paws disposable cat carrier]] / Ebenezer: Through vaccinations untold and temperature-takings unnumbered... / [[Ebenezer grooming in front of carrier]] / Ebenezer: I have survived my way home beyond the vet's office, and have regained the dignity you have stolen. / [[Ebenezer...
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer reading a book]] / Ebenezer: Hmm, according to the dictionary... / [[Ebenezer looking at dictionary, annoyed]] / [[Ebenezer looks at Snooch who has arrived, looking upset]] / Ebenezer: You're right. Cat-A-Might is definitely off the list of feline superhero names. / Snooch: I told you.
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer walking away from a TV]] / TV: Hey, cat! Watch the news! Terrorists are everywhere! / Ebenezer: I would, but I need to go lick my genitals for a few hours. / [[Ebenezer spins around, hair on end]] / TV: YEAH, WELL TERRORISTS JUST BLEW UP ALL THE GOOSHYFOOD!!! / Ebenezer: WHAT??? / TV: Ha ha....
 
Two Lumps Heading: SNOOCH HAIKU THEATER / [[Snooch sits with a Japanese headband as a blind fold, and desert background]] / Snooch: From the low desert... / [[Background now mountain scenery]] / Snooch: To the highest mountaintop... / [[Background shows singer and audience, with Ebenezer's head coming from one...
Two Lumps [[Snooch and Ebenezer sit between the legs of Mom and anonymous repairman, looking pitiful]] / Repairman: Hi, I'm here to check the furnace? / Mom: Fantastic! It's giving this horrible smell... / Snooch & Ebenezer: MOW MOW MOW MEER MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW / Repairman: Yeah, we've had a lot of that... Um, I...
Two Lumps [[Email with subject line "d0 u want f1$h t0nit3?" from "f33durpusy@hotmaill.com" and text "eBay Winnar Not1se: U have wone auktion #478902, 40 Craytes of Smokeed Salm0n! To conf1rm, ple4se loggin with ur passwr0d heer"]] / [[Both cats are looking at Mom, who is sitting at the computer]] / Mom: Jeez,...
Two Lumps [[Snooch sitting with cheeks and eyes bulging, about to cough up a hairball.]] / Snooch: <> / [[Beat panel: Snooch holding the hairball back as hard as he can.]] / [[Ebenezer sittig on the living room couch, watching something offscreen with interest.]] / Snooch (offscreen): AAAAAAAAUGH!!! / Ebenezer:...
Two Lumps [[A flowerpot filled with an overflowing gray mass, Eben to the left in hair-raised startlement, Snooch to the right looking quizzical]] / Eben: Hey Tubbs, what're you-- HOLY GRAPE NUTS, WHAT IS THAT? / Snooch: I been savin' up hairballs in here all month. / Eben: WHY??? / Snooch: For HALLOWEE'EN! / Eben:...
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch, whose face is buried in a food dish]] / Ebenezer: Are you finished yet? It's been half an hour. / Snooch: NRM-MMM! / Ebenezer: Could it be you're actually savoring your food instead of gobbling like a starved hog? Truly an admirable self-improvement! / Snooch: ...mm-mmph! / Ebenezer:...
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is seated at left. Snooch is walking towards him from the right, with a Folgers coffee can over his body and a saucepan over his head.]] / Snooch: I am the GooshyTron 3000! You will give me all your candy! / Ebenezer: Hallowe'en's not until tomorrow, Snooch. / Snooch: Yup! I'm ready! / [[Eben...
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is sitting on the couch. Snooch can be seen lying on the floor in front of it.]] / Ebenezer: An ode to my brother, the day after Hallowe'en. / Ahem: / There once was a cat like a mulcher / who ate till his belly did rupture / Snooch: "Ooongh..." / [[Snooch can now be seen in full, lying on...
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is sitting on a kitchen counter, glaring down. Snooch is not visible, being at ground level rather than countertop level]] / Ebenezer: Why...*why* is there grease all over the floor? / Snooch: I'M skatin' around! WHEEEEEEEE!!! / Ebenezer: You're going to catch seven levels of hell for messing...
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer on the couch]] / Snooch: [[out of frame]] Yo! Yo, yo yo! Where my dawgs at?! / Snooch: [[out of frame]] Where the dawgs at, yo yo! / Ebenezer: Snooch, for the last time, YOU ARE NOT A GANGSTER. Now shut up and let me sleep! / Snooch: No! It knows, yo! / [[Snooch upside-down sprawled, next to...
 
Two Lumps [[Snooch is watching Ebenezer walking to the right]] / Snooch: So the artist for this strip has "The Floo?" / Ebenezer: Hence the lack of updates. Come view his misery. / [[Both cats are looking at a pair of legs on the couch]] / Snooch: Wow. He looks like I did that time I ate the incense. / Ebenezer:...
November 11, 2006 [[Ebenezer stands upon the couch, one paw over his heart and another upraised, head turned skyward]] / Ebenezer: O frabjous day! A dream I never dared utter has been realized! I have finally indoctrinated my oafish brother into a love of the arts! What did you say you were going to recite again, Snooch? / [[Ebenezer...
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is looking off to the left]] / Eben: You are going to burn down the house. / Snooch off panel: Nuh-UH! I'm a AWS certifieded Engineerer! I know what I'm doing! / [[Snooch enters wearing a welder's mask and carrying a welding torch]] / Eben: Where the deuce did you get that rig anyway? / Snooch:...
Two Lumps [[Computer screen with the following text: DEER SANTA: I HAV BIN REELY GUD THIS YERE EVN THO MY BROHTER HAS NOTT. I WOOD LIEK THEES PREZINTS THIS YERE PLEEZ:]] / [[Scene pulls back to show the back of Ebenezer's head in front of the screen, which now has the following text: -1 POLLIEKARBONIT THURMAL...
Two Lumps [[Both cats are watching Mom, who is kneeling in front of the fireplace]] / Mom: Brrr! All right, time to get the first fire of the year going... / Snooch: We catch another bird? / Eben: No, thank Bast. Mom's finally going to use the fireplace for its intended use. / [[Both cats are walking in front of...
 

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