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| Two Lumps | {{All scenes are drawn in a childish manner--see Feb. 2, 2007 strip for explanation}}
/ [[Grinning Snooch]]
/ Snooch: I WANT TO PLAY / [[Snooch sitting next to a guitar]]
/ Snooch: BUT I HAVE NO STRINGS / [[Ebenezer enters, guitar is gone]]
/ Eben: U CANT PLAY GUITAR
/ Snooch: RIGHT! http://twolumps.net/d/20070131.html |
| Two Lumps | {{First two scenes are drawn in a childish manner}}
/ [[Ebenezer is looking at Snooch]]
/ Snooch: I HAS A ELEPHANT / Eben: YES U DO / {{Third scene is drawn normally}}
/ [[Ebenezer is looking at papers on the floor, Snooch has a marker in his mouth]]
/ Eben: What the blue bleeding deuce is wrong with your brain?
/ Snooch: Drew 'em wif ma mouf! http://twolumps.net/d/20070202.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: WEEEEEEE!
/ Ebenezer: What in the name of Freya's Lint Trap are you doing?
/ Snooch: Mom got catnip socks just for US! / Ebenezer: More like Mom's new minty foot lotion has duped you into being a foot warmer.
/ Snooch: No way! It's all for us!
/ Ebenezer: Fool. I can't believe you let yourself be... be... / Ebenezer: Oh, what the heck. Sniff sniff give, bro.
/ Snooch: AW YEAH! http://twolumps.net/d/20070205.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: Hee hee hee!
/ Ebenezer: Hey, chunk-style, where are you?
/ Snooch: Playin' with word magnets! / Ebenezer: But I'm IN the kitchen, and you're not.
/ Snooch: Not enough room on the fridge, so I moved 'em. Hee!
/ Eben: So where ARE you? / Snooch: The outside of Mom's 'puter is TOTALLY made of metal! I fit ALL of 'em on there!
/ Ebenezer: ...you keep doing that. I need to see if I can take out life insurance on you before Mom gets home. http://twolumps.net/d/20070207.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is lying on a toilet seat. A roll of toilet tissue is shredded and dangling from the holder.]] / [[Ebenezer walks in.]]
/ Ebenezer: ? / Snooch: I got some FIBER all up in my diet!
/ Ebenezer: So it would seem. http://twolumps.net/d/20070209.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: Whatcha doin', Benny?
/ Ebenezer: Trying to divine the purpose of this device Mom is fascinated with. / Snooch: It gots all kindsa fiddly bits on it.
/ Ebenezer: Indeed. Mom plays with it on occasion,
/ Ebenezer: And whenever a male comes over, they seem obsessed with it, and she gets upset. / Snooch: Oh yeah! I heard about that on TV. I think they call it "sex".
/ Ebenezer: ...that explains a lot, actually. http://twolumps.net/d/20070212.html |
| Two Lumps | [[It's Valentine's Day, and Snooch is sitting on the couch looking eagerly towards the door. Ebenezer is walking in front of the couch]]
/ Eben: Waiting for Godot?
/ Snooch: I love this day! Mom always comes home with some guy an' a doggie bag fulla fancy food, and they drink some an' then fall asleep and it's all left for ME! / Eben: Not this year.
/ Snooch WHAT???
/ Eben: No date. She said something about a "Girls' Night Out" instead? / [[Snooch transforms into a raging monster]]
/ Snooch: NOT. ACCEPTABLE.
/ Eben: Uh.
/ Snooch: BRING ME THE HEAD OF THE FAT KID WITH ARROWS http://twolumps.net/d/20070214.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Continuing the Feb. 14, 2007 strip}}
/ [[Ebenezer watches Snooch, who has become a raging monster]]
/ Eben: Snooch, just calm down...
/ Snooch: NO! THE WORLD MUST PAY! THEY WILL ALL PAY!
/ Eben: This... could be bad. / *SLAM!*
/ Mom off panel: Man, what a night! I can't believe I won a whole POUND of chocolates!
/ [[Both cats look towards the door, fur ruffled in agitation. Snooch is no longer a monster]]
/ Mom off panel: How am I ever going to finish these? / [[Snooch runs towards the right]]
/ Snooch: I LOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUU!
/ Eben: And now I owe a life-debt to Godiva, it seems. http://twolumps.net/d/20070216.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is lying near a food bowl, bits and scraps of food scattered all over him and the floor]]
/ Eben: Ahh... I am sated, for now. / [[Snooch enters]]
/ Snooch: Uh... Benny? You okay?
/ Eben: I am indulging in excesses, like unto the Roman emperors. / Snooch: You mean like Caesar, an' stuff?
/ Eben: More like Caligula, perhaps.
/ Snooch: Uh... I'm gonna be under the sofa now. Hidin' my butt. http://twolumps.net/d/20070219.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Mom standing at a gas station counter, money in hand.]]
/ Clerk: OK, two cans of wet cat food and ten dollars on pump 9. That'll be $13.98.
/ Mom: Damn it. I was going to buy dry food, but I'm nearly out of gas and don't have time. Gotta get to work. / [[Ebenezer and Snooch in the kitchen, dressed in Victorian stylings.]]
/ Ebenezer: ...So then I did realize that if she was a tidge too harried, we would feast upon the food that is gooshy!
/ Snooch: Spot on, old bean! / [[Ebenezer and Snooch walking through the living room.]]
/ Snooch: ...but what have you been doing with the gas you siphoned?
/ Ebenezer: I wouldn't throw any lit matches down the toilet anytime soon. http://twolumps.net/d/20070221.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are sitting in front of the couch, with Snooch licking himself]]
/ Ebenezer: Dang, looks like the anti-itching product Mom picked up for you didn't work.
/ Snooch: Uh... maybe? I dunno... didn't notice. < http://twolumps.net/d/20070223.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is sniffing at the crack between the cushions on the back of the sofa.]]
/ Snooch: I smell something... Something CRUNCHY! < http://twolumps.net/d/20070226.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch's front half is stuck between the cushions in the back of the sofa. Ebenezer is watching while Snooch tries to pry himself free with his back feet.]]
/ Snooch: NYYRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!! / [[Snooch hanging limply from the back of the couch. Ebenezer gives the audience a deadpan look.]]
/ Snooch: < http://twolumps.net/d/20070228.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Last of series of Snooch stuck between the cushions on the back of the couch}}
/ [[Ebenezer glares at Snooch]]
/ Snooch: I can't get out and I just swallowed something hairy.
/ Eben: Ah, probably that huge spider I saw crawl in a moment ago. / Snooch: AAAAAAAAAAUGH!
/ [[Snooch comes unstuck and falls to the floor]] < http://twolumps.net/d/20070302.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer walks past Snooch, who is looking unhappily at the TV]]
/ Eben: Pondering global warming?
/ Snooch: The vet said I need more exercise, but Mom's exercise tapes are forever long! And Super Droid Rangers is on in like 5 minutes! / [[Eben walks away]]
/ Eben: So watch it in fast forward. You'll be done in plenty of time as long as you keep up.
/ Snooch: HEY! YEAH!!! / [[Eben is listening to Snooch, who is now out of the scene]]
/ Snooch off panel: AAAAAAAAIGH!!!
/ Eben: And now to get the webcam... http://twolumps.net/d/20070305.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is watching Ebenezer, whose front paws are stretched out along the floor]]
/ Snooch: Whatcha doin'?
/ Eben: Yoga. This is called "Downward Facing Dog." / [[Snooch gets closer to Ebenezer, looming over him]]
/ Snooch: You're gonna be a DOG?
/ Eben: That's just the name of the stretch, puddingbrain. It helps align the spine and ease stress. / [[Snooch walks away while Ebenezer lashes his tail]]
/ Snooch: I think you just got your claws stuck in the carpet again.
/ Eben: ...all right, just shut up and help get me loose already. http://twolumps.net/d/20070307.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebeneezer looking at the viewer]]
/ Ebeneezer: This life... it bores me. There are only so many times I can exercise my brain by plotting to overthrow humanity. / [[Eyebrow raised]]
/ Ebeneezer: It does, of course, beg the question: Would I be as bored if I were... FRENCH? / [[Now he wears a beret, a mime-striped shirt, sports a triangular moustache and goatee, and has a cigarette in his mouth]]
/ Ebeneezer: Mais Oui. {{Translation: Yes.}} http://twolumps.net/d/20070309.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch has a can of gooshy food in his mouth and an agonized expression on his face]]
/ Ebenezer off panel: BITE! YOU'VE NEVER GIVEN UP ON ANYTHING BEFORE IN YOUR LIFE, DAMN IT! NOW BITE! BITE!!!
/ Snooch: NNNNNNGH!!! / [[Ebenezer looks at the can which Snooch has dropped to the floor]]
/ Snooch: Bleah. I give up.
/ Eben: I don't get it. The label says this is an "easy open" can.
/ Snooch: LIES. / [[Ebenezer raises his paw in the air and lashes his tail]]
/ Eben: The gods mock me again! CURSE THE GODS! FROM THE KITCHEN FLOOR, I SHAKE MY PAW AT THEE! http://twolumps.net/d/20070312.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch, who is watching television]]
/ Eben: What's up, pudding cup?
/ Snooch: I'm watching a show about leper colonies! / Eben: That's, uh... pretty morbid fare for you, isn't it?
/ Snooch: Ah, I'm just waiting for 'em to show where they hide the gold! / Eben: What do you think a leper colony is?
/ Snooch: It's where Leper'chauns live! DUH!
/ Eben: Just wait until you get to the part about them losing their lucky charms. http://twolumps.net/d/20070314.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Title Panel: Eben and Snooch Theatre presents Characteristics of a Comic Three Years Old}} / [[Snooch sitting next to an overturned, half-eaten plate of food on the floor, looking up cutely.]]
/ Ebenezer (voiceover): Loving he is, and tractable, though wild;
/ And Innocence hath privilege in him
/ To dignify arch looks and laughing eyes...
/ Mom: SNOOCH! MY GOULASH! DAMN IT! / [[Snooch crouched down, looking wily.]]
/ Ebenezer (voiceover): And feats of cunning; and the pretty round
/ Of trespasses, affected to provoke
/ Mock-chastisement and partnership in play.
/ Snooch: I can SO fit under the bedroom door this time! / [[Snooch dancing on the couch while wearing a flamuoyant hat. Eben ppokes his head in, interrupting angrily.]]
/ Ebenezer: And, as a faggot sparkles on the hearth, Not less--
/ Snooch: FAAABULOUS!
/ Ebenezer: IT MEANS A BUNDLE OF STICKS, NUMBWIT. http://twolumps.net/d/20070316.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch lying on the heater vent. Ebenezer is glaring at him.]]
/ Snooch: Ohh yeah, that's the stuff.
/ Ebenezer: Don't you worry about sleeping on the vent so often?
/ Snooch: No, why? / [[Close-up of a central air thermostat. It is shorting out and the display reads "MAX FAN".]]
/ <<*CLICK*>>
/ Ebenezer: Well, all that blocked air is getting forced back into the system, plus the cat hair...
/ Snooch: Aw, you're just jealou- / [[A giant tornado is rising out of the heater vent, Snooch is nowhere to be seen. Eben is staring up into the sky after him.]]
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20070319.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch whirling throuh the inside of a tornado.]]
/ Snooch: Dang! I think I shoulda hit the ceiling by now! Where am I? / [[Snooch still inside the tornado, angling himself downward like a skydiver.]]
/ Snooch: Oh hey, I think I can see the kitchen from here! I'm totally landin' on the fridge! / [[Snooch sitting outside with everything suddenly in color. He is sitting on the sprawled figure of a woman in a black dress.]]
/ Snooch: Too soft to be the fridge... Uh-oh. I'm pretty sure it's against th' law to land on someone's gramma. http://twolumps.net/d/20070321.html |
| Two Lumps | {{3rd in OZ storyline}}
/ [[Snooch has landed on the witch. Two figures in colorful outfits are on both sides of him. The sky is blue]]
/ Figure 1: You have squashed the knitting witch of the east!
/ Snooch: Buh???
/ Figure 2: YAAAAY!!! / [[A third colorfully dress figure joins them]]
/ Snooch: ZOMG TODDLERS! I'M SO SORRY PLEASE DON'T STICK A TOOTHBRUSH IN MY EAR!
/ Figure 3: What? No, dude, it's fine. These knitted jumpers she made us wear are way itchy.
/ Figure 2: YAAAY!!! / [[Snooch looks angrily at the red booties he is wearing]]
/ Snooch: So I'm not gonna get punished?
/ Figure off panel: Well, not by us. But looks like the Witch put the Curse of Crimson Booties on you before she croaked.
/ Snooch: Darnit! Caught red-footed! http://twolumps.net/d/20070323.html |
| Two Lumps | {{4th in OZ storyline}}
/ [[Snooch, wearing red booties and frantically shaking one of his paws, is surrounded by colorfully dressed figures]]
/ Snooch: RAZZUMFRAZZUM! How do I get these off?
/ Figure: The only person who can remove the cursed booties would be the Wizard of Claws. / Snooch: Where do I find him?
/ Figure: Follow the Silver Can Road!
/ Snooch: Cool, it's made of soda cans or something?
/ Figure: Nah, gooshyfood. / [[Snooch is crouched on the Silver Can Road]]
/ Snooch: AAAA! I can't open 'em with these booties on!
/ Figure off panel: Dude, we SAID it was a curse.
/ Snooch: AAAAAAAAA!! http://twolumps.net/d/20070326.html |
| Two Lumps | {{5th in OZ storyline}}
/ [[Snooch, wearing the red booties, is sitting on the Silver Can Road looking towards a dark foreboding forest. One of the figures from the previous strip is pointing to the forest]]
/ Figure: Just go that way and you'll find the Wizard.
/ Snooch: He lives in those woods?
/ Figure: Farther... trust me, you'll know it when you see it. / [[Snooch is walking in the forest]]
/ Snooch: Hope it's not TOO far. These woods look kinda creepy. 'Sides they might be fulla spiders, or dogs, or... / [[Snooch screeches to a halt in front of the blue-clad legs of a scarecrow]]
/ Scarecrow: Excuse me, I'm looking for some brains!
/ Snooch: ...ZOMBIES!!! OMGWTF??? http://twolumps.net/d/20070328.html |
| Two Lumps | {{6th in OZ storyline}}
/ [[Snooch, wearing red booties, is in the dark forest talking to a scarecrow wearing patched blue jeans (in the previous strip he thought it was a zombie)]]
/ Scarecrow: No, I need a brain in my head.
/ Snooch: OH! Yeah, my brain melted out once too an' I had to drink it back in.
/ Scarecrow: That's... kinda revolting. / Snooch: Where d'ya think ya lost it?
/ Scarecrow: Well I woke up in that field over there...
/ Snooch: Ooooh, I bet the plants drank it! Ya gotta eat THEM! / Scarecrow: ...Dude, I am not eating an entire field of wheat.
/ Snooch: Yeah, you look like you've got it comin' out at the seams http://twolumps.net/d/20070330.html |
| Two Lumps | {{7th in OZ storyline}}
/ [[Snooch, wearing red booties, is talking to a scarecrow wearing patched blue jeans. They're in the middle of a foreboding forest]]
/ Snooch: Well, you should come with me to see the Wizard of Claws!
/ Scarecrow: How could a man of claws help with my brain? / [[Snooch starts walking]]
/ Snooch: Uh... cuz he's sharp!
/ Scarecrow: Ho ho! That was witty indeed! You must be the cleverest cat where you come from! / [[Scarecrow follows Snooch]]
/ Snooch: Yup! My brother says I'm totally obtuse!
/ Scarecrow: What a lovely compliment! I wish I knew what it meant!
/ Snooch: Me too! http://twolumps.net/d/20070402.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Continuing OZ storyline--started March 19, 2007}}
/ [[Snooch in his red booties and the scarecrow wearing patched blue jeans are walking on the Silver Can Road through the foreboding forest. They hear a voice saying OI AN! OI AN! OI AN!]]
/ Scarecrow: What's that up ahead... a man made of metal?
/ Snooch: Sweet! I always wanted my own robot! / [[Dingy metal legs enter the scene]]
/ Tin man: OI AN! OI AN!
/ Scarecrow: He's rusted solid! There must be something around here to help!
/ Snooch: He needs a toy fan! See any? / Tin man: OI AN!
/ Snooch: Boy band?
/ Scarecrow: All I see is this oil can...
/ Tin man: OI AN!!!
/ Snooch: Keep looking! There's gotta be boiled ham around here someplace! http://twolumps.net/d/20070404.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Continuing OZ storyline--started March 19, 2007}}
/ [[Snooch, wearing red booties, is sitting on the Silver Can Road between the Tin Man and the Scarecrow, who is wearing patched blue jeans]]
/ Tin Man: Thank you so much! I thought I'd be stuck there forever!
/ Snooch: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto!
/ Scarecrow: ...What? / [[Snooch starts walking, Tin Man and Scarecrow follow]]
/ Snooch: We gots to find the Wizard of Claws now!
/ Tin Man: Oh? Can I come?
/ Scarecrow: Why? / Tin Man: I am in need of a heart!
/ Scarecrow: Really? I seek a brain!
/ Snooch: What's up with all the body parts? You guys gonna make sausage or somethin'? http://twolumps.net/d/20070406.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Continuing OZ storyline--started March 19, 2007}}
/ [[Snooch, wearing red booties, is walking on the Silver Can Road in a gloomy forest, accompanied by the Tin Man and the Scarecrow, who is wearing patched blue jeans]]
/ Snooch: These woods sure are creepy.
/ Scarecrow: True! Though our tin friend and I are safe, you might get eaten by a beast!
/ Tin Man: What makes you think you're safe, straw man? / Scarecrow: Lions and tigers don't eat straw!
/ Snooch, making a face: Dude, cats eat grass all the time. Makes us barf, tho.
/ Scarecrow: Then... you'll defend us with your axe! / Tin Man: Nah. I'll just head to safety while you guys die or whatever.
/ Scarecrow: That's utterly heartless!
/ Snooch: We gots a way a'funkshional family here. http://twolumps.net/d/20070409.html |
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