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Two Lumps [[Snooch and Eben are walking down the tunnel]] / Snooch: I hope we can find a way outta here without runnin' into that crazy rabbit again. / Ebem: Bad hare day. / [[They come across a small table with cupcakes, a bottle, and signs reading "eat me!" and "drink me!"]] / Snooch: Open bar! SCORE! / Eben: I approve of this ship's buffet. / <> / [[Eben has grown so big his head is invisible]] / Snooch: Well. THAT'S new. / Eben: RARR! POINT ME TOWARD TOKYO! KATJU RAMPAGE!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081015.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sitting next to hugely overgrown Ebenezer, listening to door]] / Door: Halt! If further travelers you would be, first you must find the golden key, then answer me my riddles three! / Snooch: Dang. Benny, you see a key up there? / [[Ebenezer smashes paw through door]] / Ebenezer: ROAR! GATOJIRA SMASH! / Door: ...you may pass. / Snooch: Aren'cha gonna ask the-- / Door PASS! Ow. / Snooch: Woot! Benny! Do a shrinky-shot and c'mon!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081017.html
Two Lumps [[A disgruntled green caterpillar is sitting on a mushroom, smoking a tan and brown hookah with purple smoke puffs overhead]] / Caterpillar: Whoooo...arrrrre...yo- / [[Close-up of caterpillar's face looking up]] / Caterpillar: AAAGH! / [[Snooch and dazed Ebenezer are sitting; several mushrooms are around them]] / Snooch: Dude, did you hear someone talkin'? / Ebenezer, eating: Nope. / <>
http://twolumps.net/d/20081020.html
Two Lumps [[Alice in Wonderland story arc. A cat's head is drawn in psychedelic style against a glowing pink and green background]] / Snooch: WE'RE ALL MAD HERE, EBEN! I'M MAD, YOU'RE MAD, THE BANISTER'S MAD... / [[Background is now purple and brown, sort of looks like paisley]] / Snooch: YOU MUST BE MAD. OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE COME HERE... / [[Drawing style is now normal. Snooch is crouched under a tree talking to Ebenezer, whose fur is bristling]] / Snooch: Which way do we go, Eben? / Eben: It doesn't matter which way we go... / Snooch: Those weren't pizza mushrooms, were they? / Eben: ...as long as we walk far enough.
http://twolumps.net/d/20081022.html
Two Lumps [[Alice in Wonderland story arc. A cat's head is drawn in psychedelic style against a glowing pink and green background]] / Snooch: WE'RE ALL MAD HERE, EBEN! I'M MAD, YOU'RE MAD, THE BANISTER'S MAD... / [[Background is now purple and brown, sort of looks like paisley]] / Snooch: YOU MUST BE MAD. OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE COME HERE... / [[Drawing style is now normal. Snooch is crouched under a tree talking to Ebenezer, whose fur is bristling]] / Snooch: Which way do we go, Eben? / Eben: It doesn't matter which way we go... / Snooch: Those weren't pizza mushrooms, were they? / Eben: ...as long as we walk far enough.
http://twolumps.net/d/20081022.html
Two Lumps [[Alice in Wonderland story arc. Snooch and Ebenezer enter a gray brick building with a brown door, green grass is nearby]] / Snooch: A house! Maybe these people can tell us where we are. / Eben: This is how my eyeballs roll. / [[Inside the house the cook is shaking pepper into a green soup, while the duchess is shaking the baby]] / Duchess: Speak roughly to your little boy, And beat him when he sneezes! He only does it to annoy, Because he knows it teases! / [[Snooch's mouth opens in amazement, while Ebenezer looks on]] / Snooch: Holy carp! We found the Food Network headquarters! / Eben: Biff! Pow! Bam!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081024.html
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer, still woozy, and Snooch are racing away from a house]] / Snooch: Man, I'm glad we're outta there. Those people were nuts! / Ebenezer: Now in Chipotle Gato flavor! / Snooch: Wait, I hear voices... some guys are havin' a picnic or somethin'. / Ebenezer: They're not in my head? / [[Both cats are looking at the silhouetted figures of the Mad Hatter and the March Hare]] / Snooch: They're drinkin' tea! Whew! We're safe! / Ebenezer: Crackerjack? / Snooch: Dude, everyone knows the British are TOTALLY sane!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081027.html
Two Lumps [[Mad Hatter, wearing a brown coat and hat and a red bowtie, is sitting behind a table with a pink teapot and pink cups on it]] / Mad Hatter: No room! No room! / Snooch: Dude, I'm fat and there is PLENTY of room. / Mad Hatter: Then have some wine! / Snooch: AWESOME! / Mad Hatter: Psych! I drank it all! / Snooch: You're a dick. / Mad Hatter: Maybe, but at least I'm not a party crasher! / Snooch: C'mon, Eben. Let's get out... / [[Ebenezer, still woozy, is now sitting behind the table, with one pink cup overturned on his head covering his eyes. Ebenezer and the Mad Hatter are both sloshing margarita glasses around]] / Snooch: WTF??? / Mad Hatter: Wastin' away again in Margaritavillllllle... We do have tequila, tho...
http://twolumps.net/d/20081029.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch and the Mad Hatter sitting at a tea party. Snooch looks over his shoulder at an off-panel Ebenezer]] / Snooch: Man, I need ta sober him up. Got any coffee? / Mad Hatter: Sorry. Plenty of tea, though. You just have to make a fresh pot. / Snooch: 'Kay. / [[Snooch with a teakettle in his teeth, pouring boiling water into the teapot. The Mad Hatter looks shocked and spills his tea as the Dormouse's tail sticks straight up out of the teapot.]] / Dormouse: AIIIIIIEEEEEAAAAGGGGGGHHHH... / <> / [[The Mad Hatter and Snooch crouching behind the table visible from noses up. The Dormouse's tail hangs limply over the edge of the teapot.]] / Mad Hatter: Dear... God... / Snooch: Was he, uh, decaffeinated?
http://twolumps.net/d/20081031.html
Two Lumps [[Sitting at a table with a pink teapot are Snooch who is wearing a green hat labeled Beer God, the hat holds two cans connected by tubing, and the March Hare in a formal blue-green jacket and light red tie holding a beer stein]] / Snooch: Whither Peter Violent-Tail? / March Hare: HUH? OH, YOU MET OL' WHITE-KNUCKLE RABBIT? / [[Snooch sucks on the tubing, Hare drinks from stein]] / Snooch: Time flies when you're having punch. / Hare: YEAH, HE'S PRETTY HIGH-STRUNG. WE WERE ROOMMATES IN COLLEGE. DIDN'T WORK OUT. / [[Hare, continuing to drink, sinks below table]] / Snooch: Clash of the Lapins? / Hare: I DISORGANIZED HIS SOCK DRAWER AS A JOKE, AND HE STAPLED ME TO THE WALL.
http://twolumps.net/d/20081103.html
Two Lumps Comic out of order / Please come back tomorrow.
http://twolumps.net/d/20081105.html
 
Two Lumps RRUUMMMMBBBLE / AAAGH! / WHOOOA! / WTF just happened? / IT FEELS LIKE THE EARTH JUST ENTIRELY CHANGED ITS DIRECTION! / Holy hairballs! What do we do?! / I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I'M GETTING DRUNK! / That's your answer to everything.
http://twolumps.net/d/20081106.html
Two Lumps [[Table with pink teapot and several teacups, one spilled. Behind the table are the Mad Hatter wearing with a brown hat, brown coat and red bow tie, Snooch, and Ebenezer under a patterned brown cloth]] / Mad Hatter: WHY IS A RAVEN LIKE A WRITING-DESK? / Snooch: Hmmmm... / Ebenezer: They both have inky quills. / [[Snooch and the Mad Hatter both stare at Ebenezer]] / Hatter: WHAT? / Snooch: Ah, he's been babbling since we got here. / Ebenezer: Bauble. / Snooch: So what's the answer? / Hatter: IN THE WORDS OF THE GREAT DR. MCALPINE, YOUR MOM! / Snooch: THAT MAKES SENSE! / Ebenezer: Poe wrote on both!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081107.html
Two Lumps [[Table with pink teapot and several teacups. Behind the table are the Mad Hatter wearing a brown hat, brown coat and red bow tie and Snooch]] / Snooch: Why's there so much stuff here? More people comin'? / Mad Hatter: NO, IT'S ALWAYS TEA-TIME, SO WE NEVER GET AROUND TO WASHING UP. / Snooch: You need a maid! / Hatter: WE TRIED THAT. IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. / Snooch: Oh? / [[March Hare holding beer stein is barely visible behind table at right]] / Hatter: IT WAS THE 80'S... FUZZY LEGWARMERS WERE IN STYLE... MARCH HARE WAS DRUNK... / Snooch: Bleah. / March Hare: SCREW YOU, MAN! I OFFERED TO PAY FOR THE DRY CLEANING!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081110.html
Two Lumps Mad Hatter: the real problem is, time doesn't pass here anymore. / Snooch: What? How come? / Mad Hatter: I was performing for the Queen and she accused me of murdering time! I mean really! / Snooch: Yeah, that's kinda harsh. / [[Mad Hatter starts scowling and flailing wildly.]] / Mad Hatter: It was justifiable manslaughter! He deserved it! D'you know what he was doing with my wife?! / [[Snooch scoots away with a worried look on his face.]] / Snooch: I think I need to go over there now.
http://twolumps.net/d/20081111.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is talking to the March Hare, who is wearing a green jacket and a pale red bow tie. Two pink teacups are setting on a table]] / Snooch: Hey, can you tell us how to get home? / March Hare: NAW, MAN. THE ONLY PERSON WHO'D KNOW THAT IS THE QUEEN. / [[A beer mug holding yellow liquid has been added to the table]] / Snooch: Where's she? / March Hare: FOLLOW THE TRAIL OF BROKEN HEARTS, SPRAYPAINTED ROSES, AND PALL MALL BUTTS, MAN. / [[March Hare has left, Ebenezer is hanging over the edge of the table, Snooch is looking at him past a pink teapot which has the tail of a dormouse sticking out of it]] / Snooch: Sweet, Eben! Drink some tea, we gotta get outta here! / Ebenezer: Wha *hic* kind izzit? / Snooch: Uh... Sleepytime!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081114.html
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch are looking at two figures standing in front of a bar called THE CARD HOUSE. It's dark purple twilight with a partially cloud covered moon in the sky]] / Snooch: What the...? / Figure one: IT'LL NEVER WORK! / Figure two: WELL WE CAN'T TAKE THEM INSIDE LIKE THIS! / [[Snooch is now next to the figures whICH are two men wearing red shirts and gold slacks. They are holding red roses which they are spray painting white]] / First man: WE ORDERED WHITE ROSES FOR THE BAR TONIGHT! WHITE! FOR INNOCENT, PURE REASONS! / Second man: RED IS FOR PASSION. IF SHE SEES THESE-- / Snooch: UR DOIN IT RONG. / Voice from inside the bar: For ME? Boys! Come have a drink with momma! / [[Men run away, spray paint cans and roses flying into the air. Snooch looks happily into the bar]] / Voice balloon one: CHEEZE IT! / Voice balloon two: TOO LATE! / Snooch: More free drinks? SWEET!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081117.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is sitting on floor, Snooch walks behind brown bar with gold footrail, wallpaper is repeating pattern of queen of hearts playing card]] / Voice balloon: Ah, company! Come in, fellows, come in! / Snooch: Who're you? / [[A woman stands behind the bar with two martini glasses and a shot glass sitting on it. She has bright red lipstick, a gold loop earring and golden dangle braclets. Her burgundy hair is drawn back into a bun and she is wearing a burgundy and white cowgirl shirt with yellow hearts above her breasts. Snooch is looking at her]] / Woman: I? I am the irresistible force that captures men to play with and discard as I like. I am the face of lust and the voice of beauty. I am the Queen of Hearts, and all shall LOVE ME AND DESPAIR! / [[Ebenezer joins Snooch looking at the Queen, who has thrown her head back and is shouting]] / Queen: SOMEONE TELL ME I'M PRETTY, D$%[] IT! / Snooch: You... uh... got some problems. / Ebenezer: Now available in large-print issues.
http://twolumps.net/d/20081119.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sitting behind a bar talking to the Queen of Hearts who is wearing a burgundy and white cowgirl shirt and gold earrings and bracelets. Ebenezer sits in front of the bar glaring frontwards out of the scene]] / Snooch: Can you tell us how to get outta here? / Queen: Aw, but you just got here, sweetie! / Ebenezer: Creme de Mental. / [[Snooch and Queen are drawn anime-style in front of a pink star on an orange background]] / Snooch: Yeah, but we wanna go home. / Queen: I'll make ya a deal. You beat me at poker, and I'll tell ya how to leave. / Snooch: Deal! / [[Extreme close-up of Snooch and Queen glaring at each other]] / Queen: Good! Because if you lose, you both have to stay here and be my servants. / Snooch: Uh... we cats aren't so good at that "work" thing. / {{Small sketch of man with goatee smoking corncob pipe. Text: SOMEWHERE, RIGHT NOW, JOSH LESNICK FEELS A STRANGE SENSE OF MIXED FORE-BODING + ENNUI}}
http://twolumps.net/d/20081121.html
Two Lumps Snooch: Benny! I dunno how to play this "draw" thing! I can barely doodle! Help me! / Eben: Eight is Enough. / Snooch: OK, lose the eight. Now what? / Eben: Three's Company. / Snooch: Losin' the three! / Queen: Draw two? Here ya go sugar. / Snooch: Uh. I gots two blackjacks and a spare one. Is that good? / Eben: Full House. / Snooch: Man, I wish you made sense right now!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081124.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is staring at the Queen of Hearts. She has bright red lipstick, burgundy hair pulled back in a bun held by two yellow sticks, is wearing a cowgirl style burgundy and white shirt with a yellow heart above each breast and is holding five red-suited cards in her hand]] / Queen: Aces full of kings, hmm? Not bad... / Snooch: Yup. / Queen: But I am the Queen who commands the court: behold, a royal flush! / [[Snooch is angrily walking away, and Ebenezer is racing past]] / Queen off panel: Halt! You are both now my slaves! / Snooch: Whatever, I never signed nothin'. An' I'm not afraid of a stupid pack of cards. / Ebenezer: Called her bluff! / [[Side view of top of Queen's head, eye glaring surrounded by red flush, background is red with white jagged area]] / Queen: YOU WILL BE! / [[Ebenezer continues to run while Snooch looks back in fear as a cloud of flying cards swarms towards them]] / Snooch: AAAAAGH! / Ebenezer: DEADLY GAMBIT!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081126.html
 
Two Lumps [[Snooch and Ebenezer are on the couch. Snooch has an agonized expression and his tail is fluffed in alarm, Ebenezer is splayed in startled jumpiness]] / Snooch: NOT THE FACE! / Ebenezer: WHAT IN THOR'S FRUIT BASKET?! / [[Snooch now looks normal, Ebenezer has fallen to the floor on his back]] / Snooch: Wh... where am I? / Ebenezer: After you narfed BOTH our doses of drugged gooshyfood, you've been asleep for a month. / Snooch: Asleep? / Ebenezer: You even missed Thanksgiving! / [[Ebenezer watches Snooch leave the room, Snooch has a face value playing card sticking to him]] / Snooch: Eh, Mom's always got a ton of leftovers. / Ebenezer: Huh. No freaking out? You seem... almost smarter somehow. / Snooch: Maybe I learned somethin' in my dream! / Ebenezer: What's that stuck to your butt?
http://twolumps.net/d/20081128.html
Two Lumps In Balinese hot stone massage, smooth heated rocks are placed at therapeutic points on the body to aid in deep relaxation. / What in the name of Mordor are you up to now? / Meditatin'. Bein' one with the universe an' stuff. / Okay. But why on a basket? / I, uh, know nothing of such earthly matters. / Hey! Where'd the dinner rolls go?! / Are you... steaming? / NOTHING!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081201.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is on the couch, Snooch is off panel]] / Snooch: EBEN! HEY EBEN! / Ebenezer: Feline powers preserve us... / [[Snooch sits in front of couch wearing a red Santa hat, Ebenezer glares at him]] / Snooch: It's that TIME again! When everyone gives things to each other and there's laughing and singing and fireplaces and trees and candy! And you know why, Eben? Huh? Do ya? Do you know why? / [[Snooch has left the room]] / Ebenezer: Because everyone gets lit on spiked egg nog. / Snooch: YOU GOT THAT RIGHT! WOO HOO!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081203.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch watching the TV]] / TV: The bleak economic figures are compounded by waning support for the retail sector. A hearty Black Friday prompted optimism in retail, but sales are not expected to maintain this brisk pace. / [[Close-up on Snooch, trying to concentrate. Figures and phrases from the financial news swirl around his head.]] / Treasury prices gained, lowering the yield on the benchmark 10 note to... / 52-Week Range (Low - High): 741.02 - 1,523.57... / U.S. stocks tumbled on Monday, with the S&P slinding mo... / The Nasdaq Composite Index lost 95.50 points, or 6.225 percent, to... / rates pased The 3-month Liber rate... on 2.22%... Mondway, while overnight Libor fell to... / $1.14, or 6.2%, to $17.29... / The Dow Jones industrial aver... 5.10 percent to 8,378.63. The... / The SPDR S&P Retail was down $1... / Asian markets slumped and European markets rallied / Snooch: Eben! The TV stopped making sense again! / Ebenezer: [[off-panel]] Quit changing it to the Spanish stations! / Snooch: I didn't!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081205.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch watching the TV]] / TV: The bleak economic figures are compounded by waning support for the retail sector. A hearty Black Friday prompted optimism in retail, but sales are not expected to maintain this brisk pace. / [[Close-up on Snooch, trying to concentrate. Figures and phrases from the financial news swirl around his head.]] / Treasury prices gained, lowering the yield on the benchmark 10 note to... / 52-Week Range (Low - High): 741.02 - 1,523.57... / U.S. stocks tumbled on Monday, with the S&P slinding mo... / The Nasdaq Composite Index lost 95.50 points, or 6.225 percent, to... / rates pased The 3-month Liber rate... on 2.22%... Mondway, while overnight Libor fell to... / $1.14, or 6.2%, to $17.29... / The Dow Jones industrial aver... 5.10 percent to 8,378.63. The... / The SPDR S&P Retail was down $1... / Asian markets slumped and European markets rallied / Snooch: Eben! The TV stopped making sense again! / Ebenezer: [[off-panel]] Quit changing it to the Spanish stations! / Snooch: I didn't!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081205.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sitting on a chair glaring at the computer screen]] / Snooch: BENNY! How do you spell "Bailout"? / Ebenezer off panel: Why? / Snooch: I just got layed off. / [[Snooch taps at computer keypad]] / Ebenezer off panel: You what now? / Snooch: I was asleep on the couch and then mom layed down there and kicked me off and I want a bailout! / [[Ebenezer enters room and glares at Snooch pouting on the chair]] / Ebenezer: How about you stop sleeping in the middle of the couch? / Snooch: That's not a viable option. / Ebenezer: Why not? / Snooch: NOT VIABLE!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081208.html
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is sleeping on couch, Snooch is sitting on floor in front of it with red stuff around mouth]] / Mom offpanel: HEY! WHO LICKED ALL THE FROSTING OFF MY GINGERBREAD MEN??? / [[Ebenezer turns head towards Snooch who is looking away and whistling]] / [[Ebenezer drapes paw over couch, Snooch looks at him]] / Ebenezer: FYI, tubberbutt: NOTHING on earth looks guiltier than a whistling cat. / Snooch: Huh? What frosting? Not me!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081210.html
Two Lumps Marshmallow 1: CRAIG! STAY WITH ME, CRAIG! DON'T LEAVE ME! / Marshmallow 2: MMPH! / [[Marshmallow 2 sinks]] / Marshmallow 1: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! / <> / Snooch: I guess I'll take my cocoa plain from now on.
http://twolumps.net/d/20081212.html
Two Lumps Eben: You hung a picture of Danny Partridge on a bartlett pear sapling. / [[Snooch stares at his creation, his back to us]] / Eben [[walking off]]: Atually, that's pretty clever, Snooch. Well done. Now let's go eat dinner. / [[Snooch is left alone with the picture of Danny Partridge hanging on the bartlett pear sapling]] / [[Close up of Snooch, wide eyed]] / [[Close up of the picture of Danny Partridge]] / [[Closer close up of Snooch, showing shadows]] / Author's note: LONGEST STRIP EVAR LOL / [[Close up of Danny Partridge's eyes, nose, and forehead]] / [[Close up of Snooch's eyes]] / [[Close up of Danny Partridge's left eye]] / [[Close up of Snooch's left eye]] / Eben [[off-panel]]: Snooch? / [[Snooch stares at his creation, his back to us]]
http://twolumps.net/d/20081213.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch lies on his back beside a bucket labeled "CARAMEL", a bucket labeled "CHOCOLATE", a sack labeled "PECANS", a box labeled "ICE CREAM BARS", and two clean popsicle sticks]] / Eben: No. You didn't / Snooch: Oooooh, I did. / Eben: You dipped ice cream bars in caramel, chocolate and pecan chunks? / Snooch: Tastay. / Eben: Why would you do such a thing? / Snooch: Two Turtle Doves! Boo YA!
http://twolumps.net/d/20081214.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch on the sofa]] / Eben [[holding his right paw up in glory]]: BEHOLD! I up the ante! / Snooch: Three smoking chickens? / Eben: HENS! and I have taught them FRENCH! / Snooch: How'd you teach them to smoke cigarretes? / [[Three hens stand at the foot of the sofa, wearing striped T-shirts, berets, and holding cigarrettes in their beaks]] / Hen 1: LE BOQ / Hen 3: LE BOQ BOQ / Eben: Actualy, the hard part was finding three tiny berets / Snooch: I'll bet / Hen 1: LE BOQ BOQ / Hen 2: C'EST LA MERDE / Hen 3: LE BOQ
http://twolumps.net/d/20081215.html
 

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