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| Two Lumps | [[Snooch sits on floor, grinning up at Eben laying on the couch]]
/ Snooch: Benny! I figgered out why there's a worm in tequila!
/ Eben: ...this isn't going to involve pixies, is it? / Snooch: Y'know some people drink when they're d'pressed, right?
/ Eben: [[stretching and yawning]] So the Lifetime Channel tells us. So what? / Snooch: "NO-BODY LIKES MEEE, EV'RYBODY HATES MEEE, GUESS I'LL GOOO EEEAT WOO-OOR-RRMS!"
/ Eben: [[tail lashing]] I think the fumes have finally gone to your brain. http://twolumps.net/d/20090420.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch, reading (with difficulty) from a book titled ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE]]
/ Snooch: "In...gesting clay has been seen by sev'ral cultures over the years as ben..nyficial to health." / Snooch: [[concentrating]] "Clay sup'osdly binds with tax... tox-ins and flushes them from the system." / Snooch: [[sticks his tongue out, exultantly]] TOLD YA!
/ Ebenezer: [[tail lashing]] I DON'T CARE! TRACKING LITTER INTO THE WATER DISH IS REVOLTING! http://twolumps.net/d/20090422.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch, reading (with difficulty) from a book titled ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE]]
/ Snooch: "In...gesting clay has been seen by sev'ral cultures over the years as ben..nyficial to health." / Snooch: [[concentrating]] "Clay sup'osdly binds with tax... tox-ins and flushes them from the system." / Snooch: [[sticks his tongue out, exultantly]] TOLD YA!
/ Ebenezer: [[tail lashing]] I DON'T CARE! TRACKING LITTER INTO THE WATER DISH IS REVOLTING! http://twolumps.net/d/20090422.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben enters room where Snooch is watching TV]
/ Snooch: Benny! The news says humans are gettin' sick from flyin' pigs.
/ Eben: Avian swine flu, actually. / Snooch: You said there was no such thing.
/ Eben: You're a ninny. Some flus can be transmitted by birds. Others by pigs. They're not entirely sure where this one came from yet. / Snooch: Birds an' pigs workin' together. Man, who knew?
/ Eben: Sometimes it's like talking to a toaster. One that isn't even plugged in. http://twolumps.net/d/20090427.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch has a scarf, printed with kanji characters, wrapped around his eyes. He is sitting in front of a blurry scene with bamboo on the left]]
/ Snooch: Mighty dragon roars! / [[Scene behind Snooch is now in focus, with a dragon tail in middle of scene and small house near bamboo]]
/ Snooch: What? Was a good deal online. / [[Full-bodied dragon is flaming house]]
/ Snooch: ...I'll miss the couch, tho. http://twolumps.net/d/20090429.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Cat in a chair, only the tail visible]]
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20090501.html |
| Two Lumps | {{WoW World Of Warcraft}}
/ [[Snooch playing with a toy tank and a padlock.]]
/ Snooch: Vroom vroom! Let's go get shoes! And a towel! / Ebenezer: What ARE you doing?
/ Snooch: Playin' WoW. Got a tank an' a lock already. / Ebenezer: Of course.
/ Snooch: Now just need heels an' a shammy. http://twolumps.net/d/20090504.html |
| Two Lumps | {{WoW World Of Warcraft}}
/ [[Snooch playing with a toy tank and a padlock.]]
/ Snooch: Vroom vroom! Let's go get shoes! And a towel! / Ebenezer: What ARE you doing?
/ Snooch: Playin' WoW. Got a tank an' a lock already. / Ebenezer: Of course.
/ Snooch: Now just need heels an' a shammy. http://twolumps.net/d/20090504.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is chewing thoughtfully. Several crackers and a chocolate/vannila pudding cup are on the floor in front of him]]
/ <<*munch* *munch*>> / [[Snooch makes an awful face with his tongue hanging out]]
/ Snooch: UGH. / [Eben enters]]
/ Eben: I told you "Puttin' On The Ritz" wasn't a recipe. http://twolumps.net/d/20090506.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch sits on kitchen floor]]
/ Snooch: MEER! MEER! MEER! MEER! MEER MEER MEER! / [[Mom in robe sets bowl of food in front of Snooch who is now smiling]]
/ Mom: Oh, sorry, Snooch. Musta forgotten to feed you. *cough cough* Imma go back to bed. / [[Eben enters and looks at Snooch, who has his face stuffed in the food]]
/ Eben: How many times has that worked today?
/ Snooch: SIX!
/ Eben: Amazing.
/ Snooch: NYQUIL ROCKS! http://twolumps.net/d/20090508.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer, looking bored yet again]]
/ Ebenezer: This life, it fills me with the boredom. / [[He suddenly looks thoughtful]]
/ Ebenezer: But would I still be bored if I took up driftwood whittling... with my claws? / [[He now sits next to a strangely carved piece of driftwood with a face on it]]
/ Ebenezer: Now I'm covered in wood chips and still bored. And so is this creepy little guy. http://twolumps.net/d/20090511.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer, looking bored yet again]]
/ Ebenezer: This life, it fills me with the boredom. / [[He suddenly looks thoughtful]]
/ Ebenezer: But would I still be bored if I took up driftwood whittling... with my claws? / [[He now sits next to a strangely carved piece of driftwood with a face on it]]
/ Ebenezer: Now I'm covered in wood chips and still bored. And so is this creepy little guy. http://twolumps.net/d/20090511.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben walks in front of couch, Snooch is sitting on it]]
/ Mom off panel: *SLAM* Man, what a day.
/ Eben: Isn't that your cue to start clamoring?
/ Snooch: No way! I'm not gettin' sick! / Eben: For the last time, it's SWINE flu, not WHINE flu!
/ Snooch: It's a buncha bupkis!
/ Eben: I know it's oversensationalized, but-- / Snooch: I never heard a pig whine about nothin'!
/ Eben: ...when did you meet a pig?
/ Snooch: Bacon counts. http://twolumps.net/d/20090513.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is sitting on a chair in front of the computer]]
/ Snooch: BEN-NEE! I USED UP THE INTERNET AGAIN! / [[Snooch jumps off chair as Eben enters]]
/ Eben: Yup, look at the screen. Here come the pipes to fill the computer back up with internet. It'll be a while, go find something else to do.
/ Snooch: 'Kay. / [[Eben sits in chair, tapping keyboard]]
/ Eben: Heh. If it wasn't for this screensaver, I'd never get a turn online. http://twolumps.net/d/20090515.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben is sitting on the floor looking up at Snooch hanging over the front of the couch]]
/ Snooch: Uuuurf....
/ Eben: Told you to stay away from the rum last night. / [[Snooch falls off the couch]]
/ Snooch: wh...WHAH! / [[Eben glares at Snooch on the floor]]
/ Eben: Not so much "hung over" as "hung off," I take it?
/ Snooch: ...shuddup. http://twolumps.net/d/20090518.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch enters from left wearing swim trunks and sunglasses. Eben sits facing him]]
/ Snooch: Woo hoo! Swim weather finally!
/ Eben: Since when do you submerge yourself in water? / [[Snooch sits, Eben cleans himself]]
/ Snooch: Sunbathing season then!
/ Eben: Like you don't lie in the sun all year round anyway? / [[Eben exits right]]
/ Snooch: Man, quit harshin' my vibe!
/ Eben: Where did you get cat-sized jams, anyway? http://twolumps.net/d/20090520.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben is looking at a book on the floor]]
/ Snooch off panel: Benny! Where are you?
/ Eben: Having some time with Jasper Fforde. / [[Snooch enters left wearing a welding mask and holding a weldling torch]]
/ Snooch: I think I got the oxygen mix right this time!
/ Eben: If you try to braze aluminium plate in the house, I will personally set you on fire. / [[Snooch exits left]]
/ Snooch: I'm just tryin' to make the cup! Then the glory will be MINE!
/ Eben: For the last time, there's no such thing as a Cat-Ass-Trophy. http://twolumps.net/d/20090522.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Mom pushes a bowl of food on the floor]]
/ <<*scoot* *scoot*>> / [[Snooch gleefully approaches bowl from right]] / [[View of Snooch's backside hiding bowl]]
/ <<*NOMF*>> / [[Completely empty bowl]] / [[Eben glaring at empty bowl, tail swishing angrily]]
/ Eben: The Mad Nomfer strikes again... http://twolumps.net/d/20090525.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is sitting with a happy look on his face, Eben is walking in from the right, a package sits on the floor between them]]
/ Snooch: HAPPY REMEMBERIN' DAY!
/ Eben: It's Memorial Day, and you don't give gifts... oh, what the heck. / [[Package is opened to reveal a bottle]]
/ Snooch: It's guarananana! It's s'posed to help you 'member things!
/ Eben: Like the fact that Memorial Day was Monday? / [[Snooch looks disgruntled]]
/ Snooch: Oh. Um...
/ Eben: Sounds like you need this more than I do.
/ Snooch: IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS! http://twolumps.net/d/20090527.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is reading from a book on the floor]
/ Snooch: "Your hat is just like my friend's," said Curious George, "But his hat is yellow and yours is red." "I would like to meet your friend," said The Man in the Red Hat. / [[Snooch continues to read while Eben enters from the right]]
/ Snooch: "He may be busy," Curious George said. "We were not expecting you."
/ Eben: What the deuce are you reading? / [[Eben looks over Snooch's should at the book]]
/ Eben: "Curious George Meets the Spanish Inquisition"?
/ Snooch: "I get that a lot," said The Man in the Red Hat. http://twolumps.net/d/20090529.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Photograph showing side view of cat--front leg in front of lower chest and part of back leg]] / [[Second photograph showing right two-thirds of Eben's scowling face and Snooch's rear half departing frame right]] / [[Snooch and Eben are staring at several photos on the floor]] Snooch: I don't think this family photo's gonna work, Benny.
/ Eben: What sadist designed auto-timers to require thumbs?! http://twolumps.net/d/20090601.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is frowning at bowl of food]]
/ Ebenezer (to the tune of "If I Only Had a Brain"): When seeking food to nibble, I'm unsatisfied by kibble, Going "crunch" instead of "moosh"... But my tongue would be happy And I'd chow down something snappy, If I only had some goosh! / [[Ebenezer is now turned away from the bowl, head thrown back and right paw raised]]
/ Though I know it's awful fatty, And the "beef'"s distinctly ratty, And the smell could be called louche... I'd hold my nose and gulp chow Without fear of seeming lowbrow, If I only had some goosh! / [[Ebenezer frowns at Snooch who has stuck his head into the room]]
/ Snooch: Dude! Bustin' phat rhymes all up ins!
/ Ebenezer: You wouldn't believe what I had to avoid. http://twolumps.net/d/20090603.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: BENNY! SANTA'S MOVIN' IN ACROSS THE STREET!
/ Eben: Everyone needs a summer home, I guess
/ Snooch: No really! He's fat an' gots the beard and all red an' everything! / Snooch: SEE!?
/ Eben: Looks like a retired Hell's Angel, moving everything single-handedly in the Texas heat. And that's one hellacious sunburn. / Snooch: Think I should bring him some cookies an' milk?
/ Eben: I'd recommend a cold beer and a running head start http://twolumps.net/d/20090605.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is sitting on chair looking at computer screen]]
/ Ebenezer: All right, I'll concede the point that "speed walking" is a decent form of exercise, according to medical sources. / [[Ebenezer, still on chair, is looking away from computer]]
/ Ebenezer: And I'll concede that habitually practicing an exercise is a large part of any given sport. / [[Snooch is lying on his side, drunk, with a sports bottle spilling liquid next to him]]
/ Ebenezer offpanel: But shooting Johnny Walker out of a sports bottle does NOT make you an athlete.
/ Snooch: Feel the burn! Woo! http://twolumps.net/d/20090608.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch, wide-eyed and grinning, is walking past the couch where Ebenezer is sleeping]]
/ Snooch: Eben! Come see what I learned about Hush Puppies!
/ Ebenezer: NO. I refuse to let my nap be sullied with your current idiocy. / [[Snooch sits and stares angrily at Ebenezer]]
/ Snooch: Fine! I'll have 'em all for myself then!
/ Ebenezer: You're also forbidden to enter the kitchen or the shoe closet until Mom gets home. / [[Snooch turns and walks away, tail lashing and angry dark cloud over his head]]
/ Snooch: YOU'RE NO FUN AT ALL.
/ Ebenezer: Hey, one of us has to learn from experience. http://twolumps.net/d/20090610.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is walking towards Snooch, who is sprawled on the floor with his tongue hanging out]
/ Ebenezer: Taking another nap?
/ Snooch: It's pr'formince art! "Cat on a Tin Roof Sundae"! / [[Ebenezer sits, Snooch still sprawls]]
/ Ebenezer: That's "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof", mallowmar.
/ Snooch: No way! Hot ice cream's gross! / [[Ebenezer washes himself while Snooch glares at him]]
/ Ebenezer: All that aside, how are you supposedly "on" it anyway?
/ Snooch: I'm not lyin' on my back, am I?! Sheesh. http://twolumps.net/d/20090612.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is on the couch, washing himself. Snooch is angrily walking by, tail lashing and with a dark cloud over his head]]
/ Ebenezer: Why the long face, struedel-head?
/ Snooch: I am Shiva, destroyer of worlds. / [[Ebenezer stares in alarm at Snooch who has left the room]]
/ Ebenezer: WHAT?
/ Snooch off panel: Mom left the catbox uncleaned last night. This will not stand. / [[Ebenezer races out of the room]]
/ Ebenezer: PUT DOWN THE CUTTING TORCH!
/ Snooch off panel: WELL, PEEING ON HER STUFF ISN'T GETTING THE MESSAGE ACROSS. http://twolumps.net/d/20090615.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is staring at the television]]
/ Voice of news announcer: THE AREA'S FIRST FEMINIST SERIAL KILLER IS STILL ON THE LOOSE TONIGHT! / [[Ebenezer is now washing himself]]
/ Voice of news announcer: DUE TO HER M.O. OF SLICING MEN WITH A LARGE KNIFE, THE KILLER THE MEDIA HAS DUBBED "CHICK FILLET" HAS BEEN- / [[Ebenezer is leaving the room]]
/ Voice of news announcer: THIS JUST IN, THE KILLER HAS DECLARED SHE IS NOW TARGETING THE MEDIA. WAIT, WHAT?!
/ Ebenezer: You go, girl. http://twolumps.net/d/20090617.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch and Ebenezer are sleeping on the couch]]
/ Snooch: Hey Benny! You awake?
/ Ebenezer: If I say no, will it matter? / Snooch: How'd you think they make phone cords all coiled like that without fryin' the wires?
/ Ebenezer: Well, first they GO TO SLEEP BEFORE I KILL YOU. / [[Both still on couch but Ebenezer has one eye open]] / [[Snooch still asleep, Ebenezer is wide awake and disgusted, with a question mark over his head]] http://twolumps.net/d/20090619.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is looking at Snooch, who has a cell device fastened over his right eye]]
/ Snooch: Check it!
/ Ebenezer: Oh, don't tell me. Pirating wireless?
/ Snooch: Nope!
/ Ebenezer: Bluebeard-tooth headset?
/ Snooch: Nuh-uh! / Ebenezer: All right, fine. I give up.
/ Snooch: New Eye-Phone! / [[Ebenezer chases Snooch]]
/ Snooch: HEE HEE HEE HEE
/ Ebenezer: DIE DIE DIE DIE http://twolumps.net/d/20090622.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is reading a book under the light of an overhead lamp. Two moths are approaching the light]]
/ Moth one: Look, father, how it shines!
/ Moth two: No, my son! Do not soar too high! The danger! / [[First moth gets even closer to the light]]
/ Moth two: NOOOOOOOOOOO! / Moth one: <<*BONK*>> OW!
/ Moth two: You just wait until your mother hears about this!
/ Ebenezer: Alas, Icarus: Fueled by pride, thwarted by fluorescent bulb. http://twolumps.net/d/20090624.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is racing out of the room, Ebenezer is sleeping on the couch]]
/ Snooch: ZOMG MY DAY HAS COME! TO THE PANTRY! MUST DRINK ALL THE SODA! / [[Close-up of Ebenezer's highly annoyed face]] / [[Ebenezer is now sitting on couch looking off-panel]]
/ Ebenezer: Trying to gain the crown as the new King of Pop?
/ Snooch off-panel: *BELCH* http://twolumps.net/d/20090626.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Chalkboard with the following written on it:
/ A LESSON FOR HUMANS:
/ GOOSHY FOOD:
/ -WET CAT FOOD
/ -CANNED TUNA
/ -CANNED SALMON]] / [[Chalkboard continues:
/ NOT GOOSHY FOOD:
/ -BABY FOOD
/ -AIRLINE FOOD
/ -HOSPITAL FOOD]] / [[Snooch reads what's on the board while Ebenezer uses a pointer]]
/ Snooch: I dunno, those last ones are pretty gooshy...
/ Ebenezer: The objection is not raised over the attributive. http://twolumps.net/d/20090629.html |
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