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| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is drawn as a cute chibi, holding a bottle labeled sake]]
/ Chibi Snooch: DRINKA DRINKA! / [[Chibi Snooch drinks from the bottle]]
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20090904.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch, who is lying on his back. Near him is an open book and pen, with scribbles on the book, and a half-empty bottle of green liquid]]
/ Snooch: The Green Fairy takes me! I shall write a masterpiece!
/ Eben: Look, Dorkzilla, while it's true that many artists have been inspired on absinthe, you've got two problems. / [[Ebenezer sits and looks at the bottle]]
/ Eben: First, this is a bottle of green food coloring.
/ Snooch: Lies! I have filled pages of genius already! / [[Ebenezer looks at the book]]
/ Eben: And speaking of which, what does "muffin love 'n' lemon" even MEAN?
/ Snooch: GENIUS! http://twolumps.net/d/20090907.html |
| Two Lumps | A FAN NOTED AT THIS YEAR'S ANIMEFEST THAT EBEN AND SNOOCH, THO FUNNY, HAVE NEVER REALLY EVOLVED AS A COMIC. HENCEFORTH, EBEN WILL BE NOT A CAT, BUT A RAT. / [[Snooch is grinning at Ebenezer drawn as a rat]]
/ Snooch: Aw hell yeah!
/ Eben rat: Aw hell naw. / NEVER LET IT BE SAID THAT WE, THE CREATORS, FAIL TO ALLOW THE COMIC TO BECOME SOMETHING NEW AND FRESH. / [[Snooch is chasing Eben rat]]
/ Snooch: GONNA GETCHA!!!
/ Eben rat: Dammit dammit dammit / ALSO, SNOOCH WILL NOW BE A PUMPKIN INSTEAD OF A CAT. / [[Eben rat looks at a bright orange pumpkin]]
/ Snooch pumpkin: HEY! WTF???
/ Eben rat: The day is mine! http://twolumps.net/d/20090909.html |
| Two Lumps | [[An electric water bowl with the name Kit e Spring is on the floor. Snooch is sitting back, startled, while Ebenezer is walking towards it]]
/ Snooch: MOM BOUGHT A VOLCANO!!!
/ Eben: It's our new motorized drinking bowl, butterhead. It's got a pump that circulates the water, like the toilet you're so fond of slurping from. / [[Ebenezer drinks from the bowl while Snooch watches]]
/ Snooch: DUDE. That is ROYALLY MESSED UP.
/ Eben: We cats instinctually like to drink from fresh, flowing water sources. It's a natural desire. / [[Snooch sticks his tongue out in disgust]]
/ Snooch: Yeah, but how's she gonna poop in it?
/ Eben: That... that will likely not be an issue, O thou great genius. http://twolumps.net/d/20090911.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch, who is blindfolded and sitting next to the new motorized drinking bowl]] / [[Ebenezer sits next to Snooch and stares into the drinking bowl]] / [[Ebenezer stalks away from Snooch]]
/ Eben: Take the goldfish crackers OUT, Snooch.
/ Snooch: They're my koi fishies!
/ Eben: NO THEY ARE NOT. http://twolumps.net/d/20090914.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are sitting near the new motorized waterbowl. The bowl has cream-colored stuff flowing over the edges. There is a bag of Tortexico Chips sitting near Snooch and several chips scattered on the floor.]]
/ Eben: So let me get this straight... you kept putting goldfish crackers in your "koi pond."
/ Snooch: I know nothing. / [[Wisps of smoke are coming from the bowl]]
/ Eben: At some point, the pump motor died and is now on fire. And you decided it was "Nacho Time."
/ Snooch: I've never seen these chips before in my life. / [[The smoke around the bowl is getting thicker and Snooch is whistling innocently]]
/ Eben: All I want to know is: What the F&#K AM I SUPPOSED TO DRINK UNTIL MOM GETS HOME?
/ Snooch: Toasted cheese soup? http://twolumps.net/d/20090916.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are sitting near the new motorized waterbowl, Snooch's tongue sticking out. The cream colored stuff overflowing the bowl in the previous strip is now dark brown, and the smoke has gotten thicker.]]
/ Eben: Congrats. You utterly ruined it.
/ Snooch: Man, I ain't eatin' that. / [[Ebenezer walks away but Snooch continues staring at the mess]]
/ Eben: Well, I hope you learned your lesson. / [[Ebenezer stops and looks back at Snooch]]
/ Eben: I SAID I HOPE YOU LEA--
/ Snooch: Next time, I should add some milk. And garlic. http://twolumps.net/d/20090918.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch, who is lying on the floor looking morose]]
/ Eben: Hey Butterlump, there's plenty of gooshy left. You sleep through dinner again?
/ Snooch: Meh. You c'n have it. / [[Ebenezer sits up in alarm]]
/ Eben: WAT.
/ Snooch: You know how animals get funny feelin's before earthquakes an' stuff? I just don' feel hungry. / [[Droopy Snooch watches Ebenezer race out of the room]]
/ Snooch: Where you goin'?
/ Eben: Either you need a vet or we're about to be blown up by the Death Star! http://twolumps.net/d/20090921.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is sitting looking at Snooch, who is not quite as woebegone as he looked in the prior strip]]
/ Mom offpanel: *ring* Yes? This is she...
/ Eben: So you didn't flip out at the vet's at ALL?
/ Snooch: Meh. Din't feel like-- WHOA! I feel better! / [[Snooch rolls on his side, raising one rear leg and looking very happy]]
/ Mom off panel: Snooch's test results? What do you mean?
/ Eben: That's quite a recovery.
/ Snooch: Yeah! It's like a huge weight was lifted! / [[Ebenezer is grimacing, eyes extremely wide-open, fur on end while Snooch sits looking like usual]]
/ Mom offpanel: What do you mean it's just gas? I haven't noticed any... OH. MY. GOD. http://twolumps.net/d/20090923.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Both cats are sitting on the couch. Ebenezer is wearing a gas mask. Snooch is wearing a blindfold with kanji on it.]]
/ Eben: So, feeling victorious, are we?
/ Snooch: Hai. / Eben: I'd hardly call it an epic battle, Thunderbutt.
/ Snooch: Silence! I am composing a poem to the saga of my divine wind! / Mom offpanel: I PAID $800 FOR A FART?!
/ Eben: Well, you definitely kamikazed Mom's bank account with that vet bill.
/ Snooch: Hai! http://twolumps.net/d/20090925.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is sitting reading a book on the floor labeled D&D Manual]] / [[Snooch sticks his left front paw out and looks at it thoughtfully]] / [[Ebenezer walks toward Snooch and the book]]
/ Snooch: DUDE! We're DROW!
/ Eben: Oh really? What's your alighment, Lawful Stupid? http://twolumps.net/d/20090928.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is looking at Snooch, who has a disgruntled expression. Between them on the floor is an open book (identified in prior strip as D&D Manual)]]
/ Eben: You know, Drow have dark SKIN, but their HAIR is actually white. So, no.
/ Snooch: Aw, biscuits. / [[Snooch lays on his back, Ebenezer reads book]]
/ Snooch: I wanted to be somethin' cool and magical.
/ Eben: Hey, I've found a good match! / [[Snooch raises head to look at Ebenezer]]
/ Snooch: Ooo! Like a magic tiger? Or a--
/ Eben: "Elder Gelatinous Cube", page 37... http://twolumps.net/d/20090930.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are on the couch, Snooch is sulking]]
/ Eben: Decided on which D&D class you want to play yet?
/ Snooch: Bah. I thought about rolling a Paladin, but they're too nice. / Eben: Okay, we could play Eberron, and you can be a Favored Soul.
/ Snooch: Yeah, but then everyone we play with will be a warforged jerk. / Eben: Fine! I'll go get the White Wolf books out of mom's closet and you can be a Fianna Garou...
/ Snooch: DUDE! I have standards! http://twolumps.net/d/20091002.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Mom is standing next to the couch, Ebenezer is on the couch lashing his tail, Snooch is walking towards Mom]]
/ Mom: Sure, I can watch the kittens. The boys'll love company!
/ Eben: About as much as I love stale kibble.
/ Snooch: What's wrong? / [[Close-up of Ebenezer on couch washing himself and Snooch grinning up at him from the floor]]
/ Mom off-panel: Wait, a few days? You said you had traffic court!
/ Eben: Mom has a weakness for the cute. Before you know it she'll want kittens too.
/ Snooch: BAH! / [[Ebenezer looks down at Snooch, who is now lying on his back]]
/ Mom off-panel: And WHY did you punch a meter maid?
/ Eben: We'll see what you say when you're up to your neck in hairballs with attitude.
/ Snooch: The cuteness of my belleh overwhelms all! http://twolumps.net/d/20091005.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer, on the couch, and Snooch, sitting wide-eyed on the floor, are waiting to see the kittens Mom promised to catsit in a prior strip]]
/ Mom off panel: You're here! Bring them on in!
/ Eben: Bah.
/ Snooch: Excellent! / Mom off panel: Oh, aren't you adorable?!
/ Snooch: C'mon! They'll be all bouncy and happy and playful and fun!
/ Eben: Precisely. / [[Two kittens enter the room, Ebenezer looks at them from the couch while Snooch stalks away]]
/ First kitten: Hostiles! Prepare to flank!
/ Second kitten: Negative. Identified as officers of feline resistance. Stand down and await orders.
/ Eben: Excellent!
/ Snooch: Bah. http://twolumps.net/d/20091007.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Two angry-looking kitten faces--in a previous strip Mom agreed to cat-sit for a friend]]
/ Ebenezer off-panel: So what are your names, troops?
/ First kitten: I am called Huginn.
/ Second kitten: And I am Muninn. / [[Ebenezer is on the couch looking down at the kittens, Snooch is cowering behind the couch sneaking a look at the kittens]]
/ Ebenezer: Ah, named for Odin's ravens who scoured the world and brought crucial information back to their leader! Prophetic codenames indeed.
/ Kitten: Indeed they are appropriate, sir. / [[Ebenezer stares as the kittens run out of the room]]
/ Kitten: I thought they whispered wisdom into the ears of a blind old fart long past retirement to keep him from looking bad?
/ Other kitten: That too.
/ Eben: HEY! http://twolumps.net/d/20091009.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer threateningly approaches the two kittens Mom is cat-sitting]]
/ Eben: Hold it right there, you little whelps! Gross insubordination calls for corporal punishment!
/ First kitten: Pyramid position alpha!
/ Second kitten: Roger that! / [[Ebenezer sits back startled as the kittens perform a gymnastic move]]
/ Kittens: HUP! HUP! HUP! / [[Snooch and Ebenezer stare at the kittens. One kitten is sitting on top of the other kitten's head, both are showing their teeth in grimaces and have their claws fully extended]]
/ Snooch: They got ya outnumbered on pointy bits, Benny.
/ Eben: Well then. I'll just let you two... stew in your own guilt for a while. http://twolumps.net/d/20091012.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is lying on the couch, talking to one of the two kittens Mom is catsitting]]
/ Eben: Fine! I don't want any green recruits fouling up my mission anyway!
/ Kitten: It's cute how you still call it "your" mission. / Eben: You wouldn't dare!
/ Kitten: Try and stop us, old man.
/ Eben: I won't have to once I inform headquarters of your mutiny. / Kitten: Uh-huh. And when was the last time HQ actually replied to you?
/ Eben: ...they're BUSY!
/ Kitten: Riiiight. http://twolumps.net/d/20091014.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are sitting and talking. Eben looks disgruntled, Snooch is happy]]
/ Eben: We can't let the kittens take over! I'm going to need your backup on this.
/ Snooch: Aw, why? I mean, I was never really into that whole 'spiracy thing anyhow. / [[Ebenezer washes himself while Snooch perks his ears up and looks off panel]]
/ Mom off panel: Whooze got the cutest teeny kitteh bellehs? YOU do! Yes you DO! / [[Ebenezer looks at Snooch, who is enraged and has skulls as the pupils of his eyes]]
/ Snooch: OH. IT. IS. ON.
/ Eben: Lock 'n' load, brother. http://twolumps.net/d/20091016.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Mom is standing by the couch, pointing a finger at Ebenezer and Snooch, who are sitting in front of her]]
/ Mom: Boys, I can't believe you'd act out like that! And on my new carpet!
/ Eben: That was your big plan? Seriously?
/ Snooch: But I didn't-- / [[Close-up of Ebenezer and Snooch. Snooch looks totally bereft]]
/ Eben: Mom'd never think it was the kittens. Your poop's half the size THEY are!
/ Snooch: It wasn't me!
/ Eben: Look, it didn't fool mom, and it's not going to fool me. / [[The two kittens enter, Ebenezer's fur stands on end, and Snooch races out of the room]]
/ Kittens: And yet, wrong on both counts.
/ Eben: WHAT. http://twolumps.net/d/20091019.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is sitting with the two kittens Mom is catsitting]]
/ Eben: But... how...
/ Kitten: Fecal character assassination spec ops training. / Eben: ...but...
/ Kitten: You're behind the times, old man.
/ Eben: No, I mean how is that even physically POSSIBLE? / Kitten: Oh, training excercises you really don't want to know about.
/ Eben: EUGH.
/ Kitten: Hey, my brother here has certified ratings up through doberman. http://twolumps.net/d/20091021.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch and Ebenezer are looking angry and talking to the two kittens Mom is cat-sitting]]
/ Eben: All right you little snots, we're not--
/ Kitten: Save it. We've been reassigned. Deploying in 15. / [[Snooch now looks happy, Eben is still angry]]
/ Snooch: Well, DARN!
/ Eben: Bah, you just mean your Mom got out of jail.
/ Kitten: That too. We had to pull some strings through our federal court contacts. / [[Snooch and Eben look astounded, kitten has evil grin]]
/ Eben: Wait... you can DO that?
/ Kitten: What, you mean you can't? http://twolumps.net/d/20091023.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch and Ebenezer are sitting on the couch. The kittens Mom was catsitting are leaving]]
/ Snooch: Well, there they go! You gonna miss them?
/ Eben: Not a bit. Insubordinate little backstabbers. / Snooch: I think you'll miss 'em! You're all misty-eyed!
/ Eben: Lies! I just have allergies!
/ Snooch: Yeah, right! what're you 'lergic to? / Eben: ...cat dander.
/ Snooch: DUDE! Sucks to be you! http://twolumps.net/d/20091026.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer walks toward Snooch, who is sitting near a pile of CD cases and has a CD in his mouth]]
/ Eben: For the last time, you can't learn guitar by licking a Santana album.
/ Snooch: Naw, just noticin' that all these bands're named after food! / Eben: Do tell?
/ Snooch: Let's see... Black Eyed Peas, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Meatloaf, Creme Brulee, Ratt... / [[Ebenezer sits, Snooch drops CD and frowns]]
/ Eben: Hate to break it to you, but "Depeche Mode" does NOT mean "Peaches and ice cream".
/ Snooch: Says you! http://twolumps.net/d/20091028.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is lying on his back, rear end facing the reader. An empty food bowl is next to him, crumbs scattered on the floor]]
/ Snooch: *burp* / [[Ebenezer sits staring at Snooch]]
/ Eben: Why... WHY are you eating so much today?
/ Snooch: If I get fat enough, I can play music while I sit on people! I saw it on teevee! / [[Ebenezer walks away]]
/ Eben: ...that's what a lap-band does in your universe, I guess.
/ Snooch: Or I can do tricks with gas for Sir Jury! http://twolumps.net/d/20091030.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is sitting, reading a book that's open on the floor. Ebenezer is half visible at the right edge of the panel]]
/ Snooch: Okay, Number one: TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation...
/ Eben: Whoa!! Hold the phone! What are you reading? / [[Ebenezer is now fully visible]]
/ Snooch: This Benny Franklin dude left behind some rules to bein' a good person.
/ EBen: Yes, the Thirteen Virtues. Maybe you'll change your ways through application-- / Snooch: I ain't never ate so much my claws got dull. Never drank until I floated, neither.
/ Eben: *sigh* http://twolumps.net/d/20091102.html |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20091104.html?ref=nf">http://twolumps.net/d/20091104.html?ref=nf | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is walking past the couch where Ebenezer is trying to sleep]]
/ Snooch: Ha! Once again, I found an' ate all the extra candy!
/ Eben: Mom didn't buy candy this year, butternut.
/ Snooch: Did too! It was all gross an' dry though. / [[Eben glares at Snooch whose eyes are wide open in shock]]
/ Eben: She handed out Halloween-themed erasers to the kids this year.
/ Snooch: But they... whoah. / [[Snooch grins with glee]]
/ Eben: You seriously ate 2 pounds of rubber? Do you know what this means?!
/ Snooch: Dude! My poop's gonna BOUNCE! http://twolumps.net/d/20091106.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is walking]]
/ Eben: Solar energy, like all other energy, can be neither created nor destroyed. It can only be transferred from one state of being to another. / [[Ebenezer sits and stares at Snooch lazing on his side in a sunbeam]] / [[Ebenezer walks away from Snooch]]
/ Eben: It can, however, be turned into fat, it seems.
/ Snooch: Huh? http://twolumps.net/d/20091109.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch, who is sitting and wearing a pink-and-white striped clown hat with a pink pom-pom on top]]
/ Eben: What in Eris's shoe rack?
/ Snooch: It's 11-11! Yer s'posed to make a wish! WOO! / Eben: First of all, that's 11:11 the TIME. And second, it's horsefeathers.
/ Snooch: It means it's good ALL DAY! And it is too real! / [[Ebenezer sits and looks at Snooch, who is lying on his side]]
/ Eben: And what did you wish?
/ Snooch: That I din't hafta go to work today!
/ Eben: ...you don't have a job.
/ Snooch: SEE?! http://twolumps.net/d/20091111.html |
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