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Two Lumps [[The boys are sitting in front of the couch. Scattered around are a suitcase, a cardboard box labeled "SWAG", and a purse.]] / Ebenezer: Wow. Mom went from door to bedroom in 15 seconds. That must have been some convention. / Snooch: I LACK PETTINS. / Ebenezer: Agreed. I'll find the most expensive piece of merch and pee on it. You? / Snooch (rushing off-panel): I'm-a stick my head in her shoes! / Ebenezer: I wouldn't. They still have -- / [[Re-enter Snooch, his face all squooshed in.]] / Ebenezer: ...con funk. / Snooch: NYRRRRRRRPH! / Ebenezer: I've never seen a nose physically flee before.
http://twolumps.net/d/20100609.html
Two Lumps [[Supertitle: With apologies to Chris Onstad]] / [[Snooch and the goldfish bowl.]] / Snooch: Angryfish, what is the angriest thing? / [[Closeup on the fish.]] / Fish: SOCIALISTS! / Snooch: That doesn't make sense. / Fish: NAZI!
http://twolumps.net/d/20100611.html
Two Lumps Ebenezer: So, Angry Fish, you have a real name? / Fish: YUP. NAME'S ARCHIE. / Ebenezer: Oh really? / Fish: YEAH, YEAH. "IF YOU'RE ARCHIE, WHERE'S JUGHEAD?" I'VE HEARD IT. / Ebenezer: I wasn't going to ask that. / Snooch (from off-panel): BENNEH! AH GOT MAH TUNG THTUCK ONNA ITHE MAKER AGIN! / Ebenezer: For one thing, I'm not into rhetorical questions.
http://twolumps.net/d/20100614.html
Two Lumps Snooch: Mom's birthday! Woo-hoo, party time! / Ebenezer: You did remember to get her something, right? / Snooch: Of course! / Ebenezer: Not a roach again? / Snooch: No way! I got everything offa her Amazon list! / Ebenezer: Oh? How? / Snooch: That's the best part! I just hit this little "one-click order" button an' they never asked me for money or nothin'! Mom'll be so surprised! / Ebenezer: When she gets her Visa bill, definitely.
http://twolumps.net/d/20100616.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100618.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100618.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100621.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100621.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is walking in. Snooch is sitting in front of the television set, looking very disgruntled.]] / Ebenezer: Sup? / Snooch: I HATE BEES! / Ebenezer: Well that's dandy. / Snooch (walking away): The TV says that BEES have been PEEING on GOLD and KILLING the FISH and MEXICO and that SUCKS because I like fish and tequila! / [[Ebenezer looks puzzled.]] / [[Ebenezer facepalms.]]
http://twolumps.net/d/20100623.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100625.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100625.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100628.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100628.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100630.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100630.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100702.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100702.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100705.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100705.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is looking at Mom, who is sitting in a chair in front of the computer with her hands clenched]] / Mom: C'monnnn... beta key! Beta key. Beta beta beta key. Beta key. Beta key. Beta beta beta key! / [[Mom now has her hands spread in frustration]] / Mom: Lemme in to the next wave! Forsaken clawin' my way out tha' grave! Lemme raid Cata with my muthaf'in guild! I'll be findin' all them bugs ya wantin' killed! / [[Snooch looks at Ebenezer]] / Mom off panel: Lemme be up in that end-game test, plowin' through without rest, 'cause I'll admit I'm obsessed, soooo... / Snooch: Has Mom completely lost it?! / Eben: Refreshing your email for two straight weeks will do that to you.
http://twolumps.net/d/20100707.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100709.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100709.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sitting blindfolded. The blindfold has a kanji on it. The background is a photo of a field with several hay bales, bright blue sky.]] / Snooch: Frying summer heat. / [[Background behind Snooch is now of a gray and red cloudy sky]] / Snooch: Sun scorches all to ashes. / [[Snooch is at home, sitting in front of an oscillating fan]] / Snooch: F#%& going outside.
http://twolumps.net/d/20100712.html
 
Two Lumps [[Snooch is lying on the floor, clutching a bottle of tequila, surrounded by used lemon wedges. He's wall-eyed, and little bubbles are rising from his head.]] / Snooch: *hic* / [[Enter Ebenezer.]] / Ebenezer: Great elephants. That's not how the saying goes, Snooch. / Snooch: Buh...bull#%!& it ain't. / Ebenezer: No. "When life gives you lemons--" / Snooch: DO SHOTS OF TEQUILA!
http://twolumps.net/d/20100714.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch and Ebenezer are sitting, a bowl of gooshyfood between them. Snooch has his right paw raised over the bowl, his eyes rolling upward]] / Snooch: DURR HURR, I AM A ZOMBIE... BRAINS... HURR DURR... / Eben: Oh for Pete's sake, Snooch, even movie zombies don't say "durr hurr." / [[Both look down at the bowl]] / Snooch: They don't? / Eben: No. Also, real zombies weren't scary, and didn't eat brains. They were just drugged Haitians, forced into a life of mindless slavery. Your're not scaring me off the food. / Snooch: Oh. / [[Snooch has left the room, Ebenezer is eating]] / [[Snooch is back, paw raised over Ebenezer eating]] / Snooch: DURR HURR, I AM A TWILIGHT FAN, TEAM EDWARD, DURR HURR... / Eben: More realistic, but still not scary.
http://twolumps.net/d/20100716.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100719.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100719.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps [[In the living room, Ebenezer approaches Snooch, who is looking at an open suitcase]] / Snooch: Dangit, Mom's leaving again! Didn't we pee enough the last time? / Eben: Urine scent, like memory, fades with time, flabhopper. / Snooch: Fine! Then I'm-a go party too! / Eben: This is the largest comics and media convention in the world. You don't wanna be there. / Snooch: Yuh-huh! / [[Snooch walks away, tail lashing, while Ebenezer washes himself]] / Eben: Remember that time in New Orleans when you wandered into the drunk mosh pit? / Snooch: Yeeeeah? / Eben: It's like that. But with no booze. / Snooch: #$%^ that! Me 'n the vodka're gonna spend the week under the couch.
http://twolumps.net/d/20100721.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100723.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100723.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100726.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100726.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100728.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100728.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps [[Eben sitting on couch. Snooch walks in.]] / Eben: Why the stupid face, chunkerbutt? / Snooch: Mom's goin' to some weird restaurant tonight where the women are half naked. / [[Thoughtful inset of Eben thinking]] / [[Eben is now doing a palm plant on his face with his paw. Snooch is now laying on his side lounging on the couch.]] / Eben: "TAPAS." / Snootch: I think there's a letter L in that. / Eben: No, there ISN'T!
http://twolumps.net/d/20100730.html
Two Lumps Snooch: Huh. / Ebenezer: What. / Snooch: The dude in this book is neither Scottish, nor a pilgrim. / Snooch: It's still good. I just expected kilts and buckle shoes.
http://twolumps.net/d/20100802.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100804.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100804.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100806.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100806.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100809.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100809.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100811.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100811.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100813.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100813.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps [[Both cats are snoozing on the couch. Snootch is on the left, facing the back of the sofa. Eben is on the right, facing into the room.]] / Snootch: Hey, Benny, What happens to zombies who bite their nails? / [[Zoom in on Eben with his eye open now.]] / [[Snootch is still lounging on the couch.]] / Snootch: I mean, do they know when to stop? / [[Eben is jumping very quickly off the couch and heading out of the room.]] / Snootch: Benny?
http://twolumps.net/d/20100816.html
 

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