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Two Lumps [[Scooch is wide-eyed, Ebenezer is not looking at him]] / Scooch: So you're saying vampire bats don't attack people. / Ebenezer: No, they mostly suck blood from farm animals, such as pigs. / [[Scooch's eyes open even wider, Ebenezer looks back over his shoulder]] / Scooch: DUDE. / Ebenezer: Yes. Hollywood lied to you. What a shock. / [[Scooch looks "pensive"]] / Scooch: I bet they taste like bacon. / [[Ebenezer stares out of the screen, speechless]] / Scooch: Flying bacon mice!
http://twolumps.net/d/20100818.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100820.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100820.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100823.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100823.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100825.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100825.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100827.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100827.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100830.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100830.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100901.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100901.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100903.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100903.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100906.html?ref=nf">http://twolumps.net/d/20100906.html?ref=nf [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100908.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100908.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100910.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100910.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100913.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100913.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100915.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100915.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100917.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100917.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100920.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100920.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100922.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20100922.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps [[Snooch is looking at a fireplace]] / Snooch: Hey! The Bird-Window-Fire-Door is open! Mom must have cleaned it out! / [[Looking down at Snooch as he looks up the chimney]] / Snooch: DOOD! I can see up it! There's another door, and it's open too! This must be where Santa comes down to give us birds! / [[Snooch's eyes bug out]] / (elsewhere) / Ebenezer: I swear, I can sense when he's getting a bad idea from halfway across the house.
http://twolumps.net/d/20100924.html
Two Lumps Eben: Holy Ganesh's Hairpiece! How'd you get in the chimney flue?! / Snooch: I climbed! Claws're cool! / Eben: And made of load-bearing titanium, apparently. Dare I ask WHY? / Snooch: I fig'red if Santa can fit, so can I. And now I'm gonna wait an' ham-bush him! / Eben: Two problems with your plan. One: It's "ambush". No ham involved. / Snooch: Awwww! / Eben: Two: Christmas isn't for another three months. Have fun up there. / Snooch: ...I totally knew that.
http://twolumps.net/d/20100927.html
Two Lumps Eben: Hey, isn't it a bit warm up there? / Snooch: Nope! Shade is cool an' stuff! PBS sez so! / Eben: Welp, it's just about dinnertime. / Snooch: I, uh, ate a big breakfast. I'm good. / Eben: You're stuck, aren't you? / Snooch: I TOTALLY MEANT TO DO THIS SHUT UP.
http://twolumps.net/d/20100929.html
Two Lumps [[The Inside of the Chimney, Snooch's eye view. Eben is gazing up at 'us' sardonically.]] / Ebenezer: OK. You're gonna need to take a deep breath and suck your gut in as hard as you can. / Snooch: But I'll fall! An' it'll hurt! / Ebenezer: More than starving to death? / Snooch: ...Point. / Ebenezer: OK, on three. One--no wait! / [[CHIMNEY, side view. Eben's tail puffs dramatically.]] / <<*GASSSSSSSSSP!!* / *KLUDDDH!*>> / [[CHIMNEY, side view. Snooch strolls out nonchalantly, giving Eben a puzzled glance where he lies limp and aching on the floor.]] / Snooch: You're right! That didn't hurt at all, Benny! / {{Bubble pause.}} / Snooch: ....Benny?
http://twolumps.net/d/20101001.html
 
Two Lumps Snooch: THERE IS NOOOOOOOOOO NUMBER SIX! / Snooch: Which means instead of having to chip off the top layer and re-patch it, I have to tear up and re-pour half the sidewalk. / Snooch: You! Entlings! Evicted! I mean it this time! / Snooch: Cue 8 people going : o_o / Snooch: Is that my toothpaste? / Artist's note: the writer is no longer allowed to write the strip after taking NyQuil for a head cold.
http://twolumps.net/d/20101004.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101006.html?ref=nf">http://twolumps.net/d/20101006.html?ref=nf [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101008.html?ref=nf">http://twolumps.net/d/20101008.html?ref=nf [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps [[Benny and Snooch are sitting on the couch, Mom is walking around talking on the phone]] / Mom: What? I thought the meeting was in an hour! OK, I'm on my way, I'll grab food in the car. / Snooch: Mom shouldn't do that! / Benny: Have morning meetings? / [[Zoomed into Benny and Snooch]] / Snooch: Eatin' an' drivin'! It's illegal! / Benny: Well, distracted driving laws vary from state to state. But many- / [[Benny is jumping off the couch]] / Snooch: It was on TV! It makes ya gulp your food an' get all gassy! / Benny: ...you inhale dinner during a 30-second commercial. / Snooch: SO WHAT, I CAN'T DRIVE.
http://twolumps.net/d/20101011.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101013.html?ref=nf">http://twolumps.net/d/20101013.html?ref=nf [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
Two Lumps [[The paranoid angry fish in his bowl is in frame]] / Fish: SOCIALIST ACTIVIST NAZI HIGH COURT JUDGES!!! / [[Zoomed out, Benny is in frame]] / Benny: You raged? / Fish: FEDERAL JUDGES! COMMIE ACTIVISTS, THE LOT OF 'EM! / Benny: So which way do you side on, say, Roe Vs. Wade? / Fish: NEITHER! THE WATER IS FOR FISH! EVERYONE ELSE, STAY OUT!
http://twolumps.net/d/20101015.html
Two Lumps [[In the kitchen.]] / "Mom": What, did I forget to feed you this morning? *cough cough* / Snooch: YOU TOTALLY DID! / Ebenezer: Indeed! We're tempted to call the SPCA! Make with the gooshy! / "Mom": If that's so, how come the new case of gooshyfood is open and two cans are missing, hmm? / Ebenezer (taken aback): Uh... entropy? / "Mom": Chubby little liars... / Ebenezer: Note to self: Next time Mom's on cold meds, remember not to let her watch the Mystery Channel. / Snooch (looking unhappy): I'M NOT CHUBBY!
http://twolumps.net/d/20101018.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is looking at a catalog]] / Snooch: DUUUUUUUUUUDE! / Ebenezer: Found a recipe for soylent green? / Snooch: I'm gonna be a witch's cat! / Ebenezer: Congrats. That sets a new low for Laziest Halloween Costume. / Snooch: Not just for Halloween! For REALS! / Ebenezer: Witches don't actually live in houses made of candy, you know. / Snooch: But... if they eat trick-or-treaters they could-- / Ebenezer: No. / [[Snooch looks upset]] / Snooch: FUDGE.
http://twolumps.net/d/20101020.html
Two Lumps THE ADVENTURES OF DR. EBENEZER VON MOUSTACHIO AND CAPTAIN "SNOOCH" McMONOCLE / Chapter 44: Hot on the Heels of Hermes / [[Steampunk airship flying above steam locomotive]] / Captain Snooch: Doctor! The orgone engines are nearly depleted! / Dr. Ebenezer: Nevertheless, we must follow Baron Twogogglehat's locomotive! See how he flees across the African veldt! / [[Inside the airship]] / Captain Snooch: I've never veldt this way before! / Dr. Ebenezer: Yes, most amusing. Captain, we must-- / Captain Snooch: My crew shall give it their most heart-veldt effort! / [[Dr. Ebenezer stares at Captain Snooch]]
http://twolumps.net/d/20101022.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch looks at Archie]] / Snooch: Hey Archie! What's up? / Archie: SPREAD THE WORD, SOLDIER! IT'S A BUM RAP! / Snooch: Really? Cool! / Archie: WE GOTTA WATCH OUR BACKS! ASSAULT CAN COME FROM ANY DIRECTION! / [[Snooch is dressed like a rapper]] / Snooch: WORD TO YER MOM, MA FIZZLE! / Archie: ONE WORD ABOUT MY MOMMA AND I'LL COME THROUGH THIS GLASS.
http://twolumps.net/d/20101025.html
 

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