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a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101027.html?ref=nf">http://twolumps.net/d/20101027.html?ref=nf [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sitting in front of a television, looking frightened.]] / Television: ...bottom of the eighth, Giants leading 2-zero... / Snooch: They're... they're everywhere. / [[Ebenezer enters.]] / Ebenezer: Since when are you a Rangers fan? / Snooch: Ain't rearrangin'. It's baseball, and the stadium is full of GHOSTS! / Ebenezer: What? / Snooch: I heard them! / [[Snooch looks terrified. Ebenezer is leaving.]] / Television: ...no, wait, 3-0. Scratch that, 4... 5-nothing. / Television: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! / Snooch: SEE?! / Ebenezer: Call Dan Akroyd.
http://twolumps.net/d/20101029.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101101.html?ref=nf">http://twolumps.net/d/20101101.html?ref=nf [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101103.html?ref=nf">http://twolumps.net/d/20101103.html?ref=nf [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch are on the couch, and Snooch is wearing a cape]] / Ebenezer: Did the sugar coma wipe your memory again? Halloween was last week. / Snooch: I just figgered out I'm a vampire! / Ebenezer: Rolling in glitter doesn't make you a vampire, Snooch. / Snooch: Nuh uh! I gots the vampire teefs! See? / Ebenezer: We've all got those. They're called canines. / [[Snooch looks disappointed]] / Snooch: Wait, so DOGS get to be vampires an' I don't? I'm-a sue somebody! / Ebenezer: Oh, I'm going to love seeing the ACLU's reaction to this one.
http://twolumps.net/d/20101105.html
 
Two Lumps [[Snooch is looking at the fish tank, which is empty]] / Snooch: Benny! I think the fish is gone! / [[Archie peeks out from inside his castle, looking angry]] / Archie: I'M RIGHT HERE, YA JERK. / Snooch: Oh. Never mind! / Archie: GET OUTTA MY NOSE! / Archie: MAN, CAN'T EVEN WATCH THE O'REILLY FACTOR IN PEACE NOWADAYS.
http://twolumps.net/d/20101108.html
Two Lumps [[Mom yelling off-panel]] / Mom: @#$%&%*! / [[Snooch and Ebenezer are bug-eyed and bushy-tailed in front of the couch]] / Snooch: Whoa! / Ebenezer: Holy Demeter's Scrub Brush! Hide! / [[Mom walks by, Snooch and Ebenezer hide behind the couch]] / Mom: #%^*)#$@!! / Snooch: Man, she's honked off! / Ebenezer: Well duh. Haven't you noticed this happens at the same time every month? / [[Snooch sticks his head out from behind the couch, and Ebenezer walks out to the side]] / Snooch: You mean? / Ebenezer: Yup. Bills coming due 3 days before payday. / Snooch: Whadda we do? / Ebenezer: You hide her checkbook, I'll get the chocolate.
http://twolumps.net/d/20101110.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101112.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20101112.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps Ebenezer: What's up, butter nugget? / Snooch: Humans sometimes poop on each other. / Ebenezer: What? / Snooch: I saw a dirty movie on the computer. / Ebenezer: Ah. Yes, some humans are pretty depraved. / Snooch: So I'm thinking Mom should meet a guy who does that. / [[Ebenezer stares]] / Ebenezer: What? / Snooch: 'Cause then he'd be totally into cleaning our cat box. / Ebenezer: I see.
http://twolumps.net/d/20101115.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101117.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20101117.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101119.html#">http://twolumps.net/d/20101119.html# [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101122.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20101122.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps [[Snooch is looking up the chimney intently]] / [[Ebenezer approaches]] / Ebenezer: You do know that only works for Christmas. / Snooch: SSSH! / Ebenezer: Nobody comes down the chimney with a sack of turkeys on Thanksgiving Eve. / Snooch: SHUDDUP! THEY WILL BE MINE!
http://twolumps.net/d/20101124.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101126.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20101126.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps [[Snooch looks happy]] / Snooch: There! All done! / Ebenezer: With what, Puffenstuff? / Snooch: Christmas presents! / Ebenezer: That was fast! / Snooch: Well, the TV said to give what we love most. So I wrapped 'em up an' hid 'em! / [[Snooch is walking away]] / Ebenezer: I'm certainly impressed. / Ebenezer: Touching. I wonder which of his prize possessions-- / Mom: What the... where'd all the Thanksgiving leftovers go?! / Ebenezer: Oh, this'll be a fragrant Christmas.
http://twolumps.net/d/20101129.html
 
Two Lumps [[Snooch is wearing a Japanese headband over his eyes, reciting a haiku]] / Snooch: Dark winter days loom. / Snooch: Ritual must be observed. / [[Now Snooch is also wearing a Santa hat]] / Snooch: Bring forth the eggnog!
http://twolumps.net/d/20101201.html
Two Lumps [[Mom walks by, talking on the phone]] / Mom: You spent HOW much to weatherproof your doors? That's crazy! Me? I just smear Bengay along the doorjamb. Lasts all winter! / [[Ebenezer looks at her]] / Ebenezer: Hogwash! / Ebenezer: An old wives' tale! Menthol has no insulating properties whatsoever. I thought Mom was smarter than that. / [[Snooch is lying along the bottom of a door]] / Snooch: So... minty... / Ebenezer: ...or maybe she's smarter than I thought.
http://twolumps.net/d/20101203.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer looks at Archie]] / Ebenezer: Why the blazes are you yelling about the holidays in here? / Archie: DAG NABBIT! THAT'S THE PROBLEM! IT'S CHRISTMAS, DON'T YOU KNOW! / Ebenezer: What about Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, the Solstice, and New Years Eve? / Archie: BAH! JUST CHRISTMAS! CHRIST IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON! / [[Ebenezer looks at the audience, perplexed]] / Ebenezer: A fat man drops down chimneys to eat cookies. That's the story of Jesus? / Archie: DON'T YOU TRY TO START A WAR ON CHRISTMAS, YOU HEATHEN!
http://twolumps.net/d/20101206.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101208.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20101208.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101210.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20101210.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
Two Lumps Eben: Why...WHY the wailing? / Snooch: Gifts from the Maggie! / Snooch: MEEER / Eben: Idiot-to-English translation engaged. You've got...a bottle of liqueur, The Big Book of Mary Shelley, and... / Snooch: Me! Whinin'! / Eben: It's GOLD, FRANKINCENSE, and MYRRH, chestnut-brain. / Snooch: But my version is more fun.
http://twolumps.net/d/20101213.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch and Eben are sitting on a couch, near a Christmas tree.]] / Snooch: So, this Jesus guy... why do humans decorate trees for him? / Eben: Well, there's some history. First off, his name wasn't "Jesus." That's a phonetic approximation of his probable real name, which was-- / Snooch: Oh, I knew that already. His real name was Harold. / Eben: What? No. Where would you get that idea? / Snooch: "Hark, the Harold angels sing!" / Eben: Stupidity levels... rising...
http://twolumps.net/d/20101215.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101217.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20101217.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101220.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20101220.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101222.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20101222.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is typing on the computer]] / Ebenezer: 'Twas the night before Xmas, and all through the 'nets, / Not a creature was stirring, except for the pets. / Ebenezer: The Feline Resistance was starting a coup, / By hijacking news sites (and a Wish List or two.) / Ebenezer: But what thwarts out dreams in this hour of need? / My brother, who upon the router has peed. / [[Snooch is grinning]] / Snooch: Dude! Look! Fireworks!!
http://twolumps.net/d/20101224.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sprawled on the floor]] / Ebenezer: When what to my wondering eyes should appear, / but an idiot brother who's had too much beer. / Snooch: Shut up. / Ebenezer: A little old drunkard so hungover and sick, / I knew in a moment he must be a-- / Snooch: SHUT UP. / Ebenezer: You have no love for canon. / Snooch: I'LL HIT YOU WITH A CANNON.
http://twolumps.net/d/20101227.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101229.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20101229.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps THE ADVENTURES OF DR. EBENEZER VON MOUSTACHIO AND CAPTAIN "SNOOCH" McMONOCLE / Chapter 88: A Congregation Most Egregious / Baron von Twogogglehat: HA HA HA! WITH THIS INVENTION, I, BARON VON TWOGOGGLEHAT, WILL BE THE ONE TRUE NEUTRODYNE! / Captain Snooch: Lies of a blackguard! I, Captain Snooch McMonocle, am the one true Neutrodyne! / [[Off-panel]] / Baron: I'M THE NEUTRODYNE! / Captain: No, I'm the Neutrodyne! / Baron: NO, I'M THE NEUTRODYNE! / Captain: No, I'm the Neutrodyne! / Baron: NO, I AM! / Captain: UR MOM! / [[Dr. Ebenezer looks at them impatiently]] / Dr. Ebenezer: *Sigh*
http://twolumps.net/d/20101231.html
Two Lumps << Late! Late! Late! >> <> / Snooch: Man, she's fast! / Ebenezer: Well, she's headed to a job interview. Humans get nervous about those. / Snooch: Well, I made sure she'll ace it. / Ebenezer: A good-luck hairball? / Snooch: Nope! I read on the innernets that jobs make you take a "pee test". / Ebenezer: But how could you help with... oh, no. / Snooch: Didja know Mom's purse is watertight? Whod'a thunk it?
http://twolumps.net/d/20110103.html
 

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