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Two Lumps [[KIT e PAN covered litterbox]] / Snooch, from inside litterbox: Hoo-eee! Goin' fer the gold! / [[Ebenezer, wearing a gas mask, sits looking into the litterbox]] / Ebenezer: This isn't the excretory olympics, you hideous loaf. / Snooch, inside litterbox: Sez you! I'm the champion pooper! / [[Eben is now facing away from the litterbox]] / Eben: Ugh. Just... just bury all of it this time. / Snooch, inside litterbox: ...got a shovel?
http://twolumps.net/d/20110729.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch, holding a paper in his mouth, approaches Ebenezer who is sitting reading a book]] / Ebenezer: There you are, Good 'N' Plenty. Help me with this. / Snooch: Nope! Busy! / Eben: Eating paper is NOT a viable pastime-- / Snooch: No! I found this gift certificate for a spa online an' I'm goin! / Eben: And you're getting what? / Snooch A Pet-I-Cure! They pet ya while they fix alla yer health problems! / Eben: Oh, DO take photos.
http://twolumps.net/d/20110801.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is sitting wearing a gas mask]] / Ebenezer: Surely some revelation is at hand; Surely the Second Coming is at hand. / [[Heavy air is wafting over Eben]] / Eben: The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand... / [[Snooch approaches Ebenezer]] / Eben: And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born? / Snooch: HEY BENNY! I POOPED STINKY! / Eben: I know. Bast save us all.
http://twolumps.net/d/20110803.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is sitting with his back towards Snooch, who is walking away with a cat food bowl on his head]] / Ebenezer: Trying to invent edible headwear? / Snooch: Mom's always eatin' popcorn while watchin' TV! So I'm-a try it with gooshy food! / Eben: I'd advise against that. / [[Eben is now facing the direction Snooch walked off screen from]] / TV off-screen: "IT'S THE KIDDIE KARTOON HOUR!" / Snooch off-screen: Yer just mad you didn't think of it! / Eben: You're right, I'm just jealous of your staggering intellect. / [[Eben sits licking himself]] / Eben: 3... 2... 1... / Snooch off-screen: Hee hee hee he- *snurkt* AGGGGGGHHHHH! / Eben: ...and Gooshyfood up the nose is achieved!
http://twolumps.net/d/20110805.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer approaches the KIT e PAN covered litterbox]] / [[Eben is in the litterbox, only his tail showing outside]] / [[Eben is totally inside the litterbox]] / <> / Ebenezer: ...what the... Snooch? / [[Eben's head is sticking out of the litterbox]] / Eben: Why was the TV remote in here? / Snooch: I hit it cuz you never let me have it! / Eben: Well, it's all yours now.
http://twolumps.net/d/20110808.html
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110810.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110810.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110812.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110812.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is napping on the couch. Snooch rushes past]] / Ebenezer: What's the rush, sonic butterball? / Snooch: Governor Rick Perry just announced he's running for President in 2010!!! / Ebenezer: So what? You've never been into politics before. / Snooch: I WANNA SEE WHAT THE ANGRY FISH THINKS! / [[Cut to Snooch, wide-eyed, next to the fishbowl. The angry fish is wearing a wig and a toothy grin.]]
http://twolumps.net/d/20110815.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer sits next to the fishbowl, looking skeptically at the angry fish]] / Ebenezer: Wait, so now that Perry is pursuing the presidency, you're going to Austin to impersonate him and take over his life? / Angry Fish: I'M HIS SPITTING IMAGE! / Ebenezer: That's ridiculous. / Angry Fish: OH YEAH? DESCRIBE GOVERNOR PERRY. / Ebenezer: Well, he's loud, and right-wing, and... has... good hair... / [[Beat. Ebenezer raises eyebrow.]] / Ebenezer: Now that I think about it, you may have a chance of pulling it off... / Angry Fish: HAIL TO THE KING, BABY.
http://twolumps.net/d/20110817.html
Two Lumps [[Close-up of fishbowl]] / Angry Fish: AS PRESIDENT, I WILL HELP RETURN THIS NATION TO WHAT THE FOUNDING FATHERS WANTED: A NATION FOR FISH AND REPUBLICANS! / Angry Fish: A NATION WITHOUT COMMIES, WHERE EVERYONE HAS GUNS AND NOBODY RECYCLES! BY THE FISH, FOR THE FISH, AND OF THE FISH! / Angry Fish: ...OH, AND REPUBLICANS. / Ebenezer: How will you live in the Governor's mansion? YOU'RE A FISH. / Angry Fish: PLEASE. THAT DUMP? EVEN PERRY DOESN'T LIVE THERE. / {{Author's note: James wrote this one. send all hate mail to him.}}
http://twolumps.net/d/20110819.html
 
Two Lumps [[Basic map of living room is displayed]] / Eben: Okay, as you can see on the map, this is the path of the invading enemy. She'll be coming in the front door, walking to the bedroom. / Snooch: And she always follows the same path... / [[Two Red X's have been added to the map]] / Eben: So if we plant turret bodies here and here, we should be able to stop her. / Snooch: Roger! I'm on it! / [[Mom trips over Snooch]] / Mom: Snooch, get out of the WAAAAAUGH! / Snooch: Enemy Alien is down! / Eben: Well played!
http://twolumps.net/d/20110822.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110824.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110824.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110826.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110826.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110829.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110829.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110831.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110831.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110902.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110902.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110905.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110905.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps Ebenezer: Looks like the Texas wildfires are out of control. / Snooch: Fr srs, yo. I already sent 'em 10 gallons of water on the innernet! / Ebenezer: They do that on the relief web site? / Snooch: Nah, too slow! I dumped the bottles right into the 'puter! / Snooch: An' I know it worked, 'cause all this smoke started comin' back the other way! / Ebenezer: ...right. / {{Make real donations at www.txwildfirerelief.org}}
http://twolumps.net/d/20110907.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110909.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110909.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110912.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110912.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110914.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110914.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110916.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110916.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps [[Snooch and Ebenezer face us.]] / Snooch: We got a visitor! / Ebenezer: It appears that if you do a webcomic, and meet Wil Wheaton, you need to put him in your comic strip. As Mel & James have met him, please welcome Wil to Two Lumps. / [[Cut to the two cats, horrified, facing a cat with the head of Wil Wheaton]] / Snooch: HOLY FLAMING $@&!+$!!! / Wil: Why am I a cat? Nobody said I had to be a cat. / Ebenezer: This is so freakin' disturbing. / Wil: Yeah, I get that.
http://twolumps.net/d/20110919.html
Two Lumps [ First panel ] / Eben: Ok, that was traumatizing. / Snooch: Yeah. That's why I picked our next guest! / [ Second panel ] / Eben: You what? / Snooch: So say hi to Lady Gaga! / Eben: You WHAT? / [ Third panel ] / Eben: ...that's a potato, Snooch. / Snooch: Aw, BISCUITS. Sorry. / Eben: No, no, it's an easy mistake to make.
http://twolumps.net/d/20110921.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110923.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110923.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110926.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110926.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110928.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110928.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110930.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20110930.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://twolumps.net/d/20111003.html">http://twolumps.net/d/20111003.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Two Lumps [[Eben is looking down at a book or catalogue open on the floor. Snooch is off-panel, his responses coming in without actually seeing him.]] / Eben: OK, I've found some mosquito-repelling products we can order... / Snooch: Don't needta! Got it covered! / [[Eben looks up, ears back, irritated look.]] / Eben: I told you, you can't shrink-wrap yourself. / Snooch: Nah, I found a homie... homer... natural cure on the the innernets! / [[Eben is now over on his side, legs splayed, claws out on the front leg that's in the air, back paw curled under, tail stiff and quivering. His eyes are dilated wide, and not both the same size and shape. Little bubbles float up. Snooch arrives in the scene, looking down at Eben and seeming quite at his ease, smiling. A green mist filled with skull-and-crossbones surrounds him, partially overlapping Eben.]] / Eben: Really? What's th- BY ANUBIS' CHROME BELT BUCKLE! / Snooch: They said to eat lotsa garlic!
http://twolumps.net/d/20111005.html
 

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