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| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are sitting at the sides of a footstool]]
/ Snooch: Hey Benny! Mom bought a new fuzzy thing!
/ Ebenezer: Ah, plush velvet. Excellent potential for shedding upon. I approve. / [[Snooch starts rubbing against it]]
/ Snooch: Oooooo, it's all soft!
/ Ebenezer: Well, it is a fabric of royalty. It's not quite large enough to be a proper throne, but it'll do.
/ Snooch: It's like pettin' myself! I can keep pettin' and pettin' and... / [[Snooch is now hanging from the side of the footstool, fur all bristly]]
/ Snooch: Um...
/ Ebenezer: Ah yes, and highly prone to static electricity as well. Perfect. http://twolumps.net/d/20050425.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Mom sets down a bowl of ice cream in front of Ebeneezer]]
/ Mom: Oof, I'm too full. Here, Eben, you can have the rest of my ice cream.
/ Ebeneezer: Excellent! And I can enjoy this sumptuous treat at my leisure as long as-- / [[Ebeneezer starts chowing down fast on the ice cream]]
/ Snooch: [[off-screen]] ICE CREAM???
/ Ebeneezer: Blast! I've got to eat it before he gets here! MUST EAT FASTER! / [[When Snooch shows up, Ebeneezer is clearly suffering from brain freeze - fur standing on end, teeth clenched, and eyes wide]]
/ Ebeneezer: AIIIEEERUUUUGGGGHHH!
/ Snooch: Eben?
/ Ebeneezer: ICE. CREAM. HEADACHE.
/ Snooch: Ice cream can't get a headache.
/ Ebeneezer: SHUT. UP. http://twolumps.net/d/20050427.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is reading from a book on the floor]
/ {{Book text--CAT FACTS: There are tiny, parasitic worms that can live in a cat's stomach. These worms cause frequent vomiting.}} / [[Snooch frowns]] / Snooch: Man, and I LIKED to eat the worm... http://twolumps.net/d/20050429.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Bowl full of food is on floor, it's labeled Eben , Eben is staring off to the right]] / [[Close-up of Eben's face now glaring left]] / [[Eben plunges his face in the food, his tail lashing]]
/ Eben: Gooshy food always falls to the enemy after being outflanked. http://twolumps.net/d/20050502.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebeneezer is doing some complex geometric formula in his head]] / [[Suddenly, Snooch interrupts, and Ebeneezer looks annoyed]]
/ Snooch: [[off-screen]] Hey Eben! Lookit meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
/ Ebeneezer: Great Bast, now what? / [[Snooch is sitting next to an open bag of potato chips, looking like he's eaten something incredibly sour; in fact, his face has pretty much scrunched in on itself. Ebeneezer glares at him]]
/ Ebeneezer: Let me guess, you got into mom's salt-'n-vinegar chips again?
/ Snooch: WHOA! I can look up my own nose from here!! http://twolumps.net/d/20050504.html |
| Two Lumps | [[A pair of pants is hanging over the back of a chair. Only Snooch's face is visible at the bottom of one leg, grinning at Ebenezer]]
/ Snooch: YAAAAA! CATSNAKE ATTACK!
/ Ebenezer: GREAT CAESAR'S GHOST!!! / Ebenezer: There's no such thing as a catsnake, you twit.
/ Snooch: Rarr! I am mighty!
/ Ebenezer: I must admit, you got me. Commendations to your attack.
/ Snooch: Hee! / Ebenezer: Clever indeed. How did you rig it so that you can get back out again?
/ Snooch, looking puzzled: Um.
/ Ebenezer: Ah ha. In that case, I commend you on becoming the world's fattest coccoon. http://twolumps.net/d/20050506.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Closet door is partially open with only one Snooch eyeball and one Ebenezer eyeball showing in the dark]]
/ Ebenezer: ...so you see, darkness is the feline's natural cover. We blend into the shadows, seamlessly covering even your enormous bulk.
/ Snooch: Cool! I'm all sneaky-like! / Ebenezer: Next lesson: breaking cover. We need to leap out in one swift motion, before the target is aware of our presence. Ready?
/ Snooch: Yes! The dust bunny is DOOOOOMED!
/ Ebenezer: INDEED! ATTACK! / [[Snooch and Ebenezer are both wide-eyed and blinking in the bright light]]
/ Snooch: ...so it's part'a the lesson when we get totally blinded by the sunlight after the dark?
/ Ebenezer: Er... no. Let's just not speak of this incident again. http://twolumps.net/d/20050509.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: Hey Eben, get up! I wanna play! It's morning! C'mon! ...Eben? / < http://twolumps.net/d/20050511.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch and Ebenezer are just faces and tails floating in front of a printed circuit board. Snooch is sweetly smiling, Ebenezer is frowning]]
/ Snooch: KAWAII!
/ Ebenezer: Dammit, not again.
/ Snooch: Hey, Eben! Why do we look like this?
/ Ebenezer: Well, when two comic creators love each other very much... / Ebenezer: ...and they run out of time or get too drunk or just can't do a regular strip for some reason... ...They draw cutesy chibi crap and use it as filler. / Snooch: OH! Just like Megatokyo!
/ Ebenezer: Exactly. / {{Mel Hynes' name has a big x drawn over it in the copyright credit at the bottom of the strip. Printed vertically along the right side of the strip is this text: (please don't blame Mel for this one. J. did this without her consent or knowledge.)}} http://twolumps.net/d/20050513.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is watching Ebenezer as he walks in front of a footstool]]
/ Snooch: Eben, I gots a question!
/ Ebenezer: Stop right there. I am on my way to a nap. / [[Ebenezer stops and looks at Snooch]]
/ Snooch: But I just need to know...
/ Ebenezer: Ask yourself: Can this wait?
/ Snooch: Um. I guess. It'll be an hour before it soaks through...
/ Ebenezer: Okay then. Off you go. / [[Ebenezer is now alone in the rooom]]
/ Ebenezer: Wait... what? http://twolumps.net/d/20050516.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch and Ebeneezer are in the cat carrier, which is being set down by a woman in a pink and purple dress - the cat-sitter]]
/ Cat-sitter: Here we are, guys! Your temporary home.
/ Snooch: < http://twolumps.net/d/20050518.html |
| Two Lumps | {{2nd in series where Ebenezer and Snooch meet two cats at the catsitter's house}}
/ [[Snooch is dazed, Ebenezer is looking at third cat with red bow on tail, Nightmare]]
/ Snooch: OTHER CATS... FREAKING... OUT...
/ Ebenezer: Ahem. Hey, Snooch, is that a BIRD over there? / [[Snooch and fourth cat run away]]
/ Snooch: BIRD! BIRD! BIRD! BIRD! BIRD! BIRD!
/ Moon: BIRD! BIRD! BIRD! BIRD! BIR
/ Nightmare: Classy. / [[Ebenezer leers at third cat]]
/ Ebenezer: That worked better than I intended. So, now that we're alone...
/ Nightmare: Forget it, neutered boy. / Ebenezer: What? No, see, I'm not neutered, you saucy thing.
/ Nightmare: No, but you will be if you don't cool it with the stray cat strut. http://twolumps.net/d/20050520.html |
| Two Lumps | {{3rd in series where Ebenezer and Snooch meet two cats at the catsitter's house}}
/ [[Snooch and Moon are looking out a window at a bird on a branch]]
/ Snooch and Moon, together: BIRD. BIRD. BIRD. BIRD. BIRD. BIRD. BIRD. BIRD. BIRD. BIRD. BIRD. BIRD. BIRD. BIRD. BIRD. BIRD. / Moon: Would you lick that bird?
/ Snooch: I'd lick that!
/ Moon: Lets go outside and get him!
/ Snooch: YAY! / Ebenezer: Does your owner have a gun I can get at?
/ Nightmare: Do you know how to use a gun?
/ Ebenezer: I'm a fast learner. http://twolumps.net/d/20050523.html |
| Two Lumps | {{4th in series where Ebenezer and Snooch meet two cats at the catsitter's house}}
/ [[Snooch and Moon are outside, with two trees and a hammock]]
/ Snooch: Awww. No bird.
/ Moon: Yeah, but there's a hammock! / [[Both jump in hammock]]
/ Snooch: What's a ham-mick?
/ Moon: Its a big comfy swingy thing where you get to lie on peoples bellies. Its cool! / [[Tree on left breaks under their weight]]
/ Snooch: Soooo. When's the swingy cool thing happen?
/ Moon: I think we killed it.
/ Snooch: Can we eat it? http://twolumps.net/d/20050525.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: So what's your name?
/ Moon: M-O-O-N! That spells MOON!
/ Snooch: YOU CAN SPELL? / Moon: A little!
/ Snooch: Can you spell "gooshyfood"?
/ Moon: I know it starts with GUH and has teh Oooo in it!
/ Snooch: See anything with a GUH and a Oooo? / Moon: Guh... Ell... Oooo... Eeeee...
/ Snooch: PERFECT! Dinner time! http://twolumps.net/d/20050527.html |
| Two Lumps | Ebenezer: So does this vision of loveliness have a name?
/ Nightmare: Nightmare. As in "your worst."
/ Ebenezer: Feisty! / Ebenezer: I am Ebenezer, scholar extraordinaire, cassanova of cats, future ruler of all--
/ Nightmare: Say, are those squishypaws nail caps you're wearing? I hear they're very chic. / Ebenezer: Why, yes. Mom puts them on so I don't destroy things with my sheer might.
/ Nightmare: I see. Unfortunately, I don't have them, so I can shred things that keep annoying me.
/ Ebenezer: Eep. http://twolumps.net/d/20050530.html |
| Two Lumps | {{7th in series where Ebenezer and Snooch meet two cats, Nightmare and Moon, at the catsitter's house}}
/ [[Snooch and Moon are tumbling out of a cupboard, covered in glue and stuck together]]
/ Moon: So... whadda we do now?
/ Snooch: Hey! It's Eben! He'll help us get down!
/ Moon: You sure? He seems, well, uh... I dont think he likes us. / Snooch: Yeah! He tried to teach me to spell for ever, he'll like you 'cause you're smart! Just show him!
/ Moon: Okay, Here goes... Eben an Nightmare sittin in a tree! L-I-C-K-I-N-G! / [[Ebenezer and Nightmare are glaring at Snooch and Moon]]
/ Nightmare: I'm going to kill them both.
/ Ebenezer: Well, as they say, ladies first. http://twolumps.net/d/20050601.html |
| Two Lumps | {{8th in series where Ebenezer and Snooch meet two cats, Nightmare and Moon, at the catsitter's house}}
/ [[Ebenezer is sitting]]
/ Moon off panel: AAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!
/ Snooch off panel: AAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!
/ Ebenezer: Urgh, that sounds painful... I don't know what Nightmare's up to, but I don't think I want to look. / [[Nightmare joins Ebenezer]]
/ Nightmare: Well, that s over and done with.
/ Ebenezer: As much as I admire ruthlessness in a lady, I have to ask... what did you DO to them?
/ Nightmare: Nothing. Glue karma handled it quite nicely. / [[Moon and Snooch are lying separately on the floor, still covered in glue]]
/ Snooch: Uh, Mooh? Mah tung ith thtuck.
/ Moon: Mahn thoo. Naow whut?
/ Snooch: Ah wunt mah mahm... / {{Under last panel at right: COME TO A-KON!}} http://twolumps.net/d/20050603.html |
| Two Lumps | {{9th and final in series where Ebenezer and Snooch meet two cats, Nightmare and Moon, at the catsitter's house}}
/ [[Ebenezer and Nightmare are looking at the catsitter holding a pet carrier]]
/ Sitter: ...so the vet says he can get the glue off. Yeah, I'll bring Eben when I bring them in...
/ Nightmare: Oh, this should be entertaining.
/ Ebenezer: Wonder what they'll look like if he has to shave them?
/ Nightmare: Heh. / [[Ebenezer is holding paw in air, declaiming to Nightmare]]
/ Sitter: Yeah, I'm going to load them up right now. See you soon. *click*
/ Ebenezer: This seems to be the end, ma petite. Remember me, the flame of your destiny, the beacon of your heart...
/ Nightmare: The thorn in my side. Don't let the door hit you in the tail on the way out, bud. / [[Nightmare is alone, with a pink heart over her head, matching her pink tail bow]]
/ Nightmare: *sigh* Why are the megalomaniacal ones always so cute? http://twolumps.net/d/20050606.html |
| Two Lumps: Meerkats | Snooch: Benny! Come quick! We're gonna be on TELEVISION!!!
/ Ebenezer: Come again? / Ebenezer: Bloody paparazzi. Who is it? CNN? MSNBC? BBC1?
/ Snooch: Nope, it's the Nature Channel Showy Thing!
/ Ebenezer: What in the... / Ebenezer: This is a special on "meerkats", you dope.
/ Snooch: I been practicin' all day! Listen!
/ Snooch: MOOOOM! I'M HUNGRYYYY! < http://twolumps.net/d/20050608.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is sitting on a chair, looking annoyed at the off-screen Ebeneezer]]
/ Snooch: Benny, I'm hungry. Can we get a pizza?
/ Ebenezer: They refuse to deliver here any more. Besides, there's plenty of diet kibble left.
/ Snooch: YUCK. / [[Snooch starts to climb to the top of the backrest]]
/ Ebenezer: Well, you do need to slim down. It's not healthy for cats our age to be so--
/ Snooch: Stoppit! I'm gonna go sleep up here so's I don't hafta listen to you bein' mean! / < http://twolumps.net/d/20050610.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is sitting on a chair, looking annoyed at the off-screen Ebeneezer]]
/ Snooch: Benny, I'm hungry. Can we get a pizza?
/ Ebenezer: They refuse to deliver here any more. Besides, there's plenty of diet kibble left.
/ Snooch: YUCK. / [[Snooch starts to climb to the top of the backrest]]
/ Ebenezer: Well, you do need to slim down. It's not healthy for cats our age to be so--
/ Snooch: Stoppit! I'm gonna go sleep up here so's I don't hafta listen to you bein' mean! / < http://twolumps.net/d/20050610.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: Stupid ol' chair. I'm gettin' a snack anyway!
/ Ebenezer: I'd love to see how you're going to open the can when you can't even manage the cupboard. / Snooch: I just can't reach the door from down there. I can open it from the top!
/ Ebenezer: That makes no sense at all, you loaf. According to physics-- / < http://twolumps.net/d/20050613.html |
| Two Lumps | [[The cats are sitting behing a table covered with pink and blue party hats and decorations]]
/ Snooch: So the party's gonna be soon?
/ Ebenezer: From the way Mom's rushing about, I'd say so. She's going all-out for this birthday.
/ Snooch: How come? / Ebenezer: I have no idea. She not even five in cat years.
/ Snooch: Well I got her a present already!
/ Ebenezer: We don't have any money, how could you possibly-- / < http://twolumps.net/d/20050615.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are playing chess]]
/ Ebenezer: Checkmate.
/ Snooch: YAY!
/ Ebenezer: I must admit, Snooch, you're getting better. You actually took two of my pawns and a bishop this time. / Ebenezer: Now, let's reset the board and try again. Can I have my pieces back?
/ Snooch: Nope!
/ Ebenezer: Dare I ask why not?
/ Snooch: I ate 'em! Bye! / [[Ebenezer sits alone, ears back staring in the direction of Snooch's departure.]] http://twolumps.net/d/20050617.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Closeup on the chessboard from the previous strip. Neither Snooch nor Ebeneezer are present]] / [[Back a ways - neither cats are present]] / [[The litterbox, where the pieces Snooch ate are making a painful reappearance]]
/ Snooch: AAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!! http://twolumps.net/d/20050620.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Closeup on the chessboard from the previous strip. Neither Snooch nor Ebeneezer are present]] / [[Back a ways - neither cats are present]] / [[The litterbox, where the pieces Snooch ate are making a painful reappearance]]
/ Snooch: AAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!! http://twolumps.net/d/20050620.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Both cats are sitting on a chair in front of the computer]]
/ Snooch: Ooo! Whatcha doin'?
/ Ebenezer: It's a game called "The Sims." Humans amuse themselves by pretending to be in control of their destinies. / [[Ebenezer jumps off the chair and leaves]]
/ Ebenezer: Well, I have other things to do...
/ Snooch: Can I play?
/ Ebenezer: Be my guest. / {{10 MINUTES LATER}}
/ [[Ebenezer has returned]]
/ Ebenezer: They all ate themselves to death?
/ Snooch: Yup!
/ Ebenezer: I didn't know you could do that. http://twolumps.net/d/20050622.html |
| Two Lumps | < http://twolumps.net/d/20050624.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: MEER MEER MEER MEER MEER MEER MEER
/ Ebenezer: What's the ruckus, tubs?
/ Snooch: I got somethin' stuck in my teeth! It hurts! / Mom: Aww, poor guy. Hold still, I'll look. It's just a little flashlight, don't be scared...
/ Snooch: What's a flashmight?
/ Ebenezer: It's a battery-powered... well, you know fireflies? It's like those.
/ Snooch: Cool! / < http://twolumps.net/d/20050627.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch and Ebenezer are sitting in front of an air conditioner]]
/ Snooch: Boy, it's crunchy-bacon hot out there!
/ Ebenezer: Indeed. Even lying in a sunbeam is too warm. Looks like we're in for a scorcher. / Snooch: It's a good thing we have air conditioning! Fo shizzle!
/ Ebenezer: No, you fool! Don't you know the Laws of Foreshadowing?!
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20050629.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is sitting in front of an oscillating fan, Snooch is walking away]]
/ Ebenezer: With no A/C, we have to hold out until Mom gets home. I have an idea... go get all the ice from the freezer.
/ Snooch: Word up, yo! / Ebenezer: A basic cooling principle. The fan circulates air over the ice, creating a small cooling draft we can sleep in for the next seven hours. Now what's taking him so lo-- / <<*CRASH*>> / Ebenezer: I said get all the ICE, not the ICE CREAM, you nimrod.
/ Snooch [[with a tub of vanilla ice cream upside down over his head]]: Mmph!
/ Ebenezer: Wait. You planned this, didn't you?
/ Snooch: Hee hee... http://twolumps.net/d/20050701.html |
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