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| Poop Mouth | Clango: Who has time for a "fun fact"? / Maura: Depends on your definition of fun. / Clango: Today's "fun fact" is that I find you enthralling! / [[Maura is thinking to herself]]
/ Maura: Is he just buttering me up before asking to poop in my mouth? http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=600 |
| A Good Buy | [[Charles is wearing a Canada shirt]]
/ Clango: ...The rocket's red glare... / Clango: ...The bombs bursting in air... / Clango: ...Gave proof thru the night that our flag was still there. / Charles: ...And somehow the military got even more wasteful later! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=601 |
| Changing Teams | [[Charles is wearing a Canada shirt]]
/ Clango: Pretty please can I be a Canadian too? / Clango: It might be a little bit colder up there, but I could travel abroad & people would like me! / Clango: Socialism roolz! I want to join the health care posse! / [[Charles gives a bitter glare to the audience]]
/ Clango: Do I have to kill someone for my initation? http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=602 |
| More Naked Ladies | [[Pete's entire head is wrapped in white bandages]]
/ Steve: Indie Rock Pete! Good to see you out and about! / Pete: This is the first time I've left my house all month. / Pete: Being a hermit has to be the most indie thing I've done yet! What a lifestyle! / [[Steve raises an eyebrow to the audience]]
/ Pete: I see tons more naked ladies since I stopped going into the world and talking to women! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=603 |
| Macking It | Suzie: Johnny Toaster! / [[Toast pops up]]
/ Suzie: I am in dire need of your mad oracular skillz! / Suzie: I must dump your crumb tray and read my destiny!
/ Toaster: +! / Clango: Can't you use the toilet like the rest of us? http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=604 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Clango: How goes it, my ruddy lil' cinnamon bun? / [[Chef's hat appears over Clango's head with a "poof"]]
/ Maura: Hot, fresh & tasty mister baker-man! / Clango: Fancy some icing? / [[The two run off to bed]] http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=605 |
| macking it | uncle grandpa: [[on phone]] hey pretty mama! you know i got a /20 meg/ hard drive?
/ kitty: [[from off-panel]] meow! / uncle grandpa: my floppy drive still ejects when it's /supposed/ to!
/ kitty: *smack*
/ phone: *(shh!)* / uncle grandpa: can someone shut up this infernal cat?!
/ kitty: zzz / uncle grandpa: i'm trying to mac it with a lady!
/ kitty: mrow http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=606 |
| four way | uncle grandpa: huh! i never knew there were personal ads on-line! / cross-dressing black robot: i wonder what kinda weirdos use them? / pete: total recluses and ugnaughts, i bet. / lil' sis: oh well! any warm, wet port in a storm! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=607 |
| metal brittany | suzie: that's a good look for you, metal steve. / suzie: a blond in a belly shirt is almost 100% /guaranteed/ success in pop music today! / suzie: keep practicing that bass, champ! / steve: you mean i can make a career out of it being laundry day?! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=608 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic 609 Maggots | [[Red Robot (with his little golden hat) and Lil' Sis talk while a bubble floats in the background]]
/ Red Robot: Soap Amazes Me! / Red Robot: When you rub on a Hu-Man, It makes them cleaner. / Red Robot: But if you force it to one, it makes their backsides way dirtier!
/ [[Lil' Sis looks upset]] / [[The bubble pops]] / {{title: Maggots}} http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=609 |
| maggots | suzie: petey! when do you take those bandages off? / pete: i dunno, i'm afraid of what i look like underneath. / suzie: you best do it before your face rotts off. you don't want a case of 'maggotty nose!' / suzie: squirming boogers are /not/ cool. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=610 |
| german kisses | menace-11: {{in drag}} who wants a kissy-kiss? / menace-11: the answer is you, cutie-boy! / < http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=611 |
| hologram | red robot: [[to lil' sis]] godhood means existing in many places at once... being both the d.j. /and/ the rapper! / red robot: [[to joel]] holorgrams and orbital super-lasers make me a bling-bling deity! / red robot: [[to steve]] east side? west side? /bah!/ i pity those of you trapped inside a pathetic meaty shell! / red robot: [[to nail tech]] yo, i'm having three conversations and getting my nails done. /like a bisexual zeus!/ http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=612 |
| the big reveal | pete: mirror, morror in the can... / pete: show me just how scarred i am! / lil' sis: !?
/ [[pete sees cracked mirror, his face blurred. lil' sis is peeking in the open window]] http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=613 |
| workmans comp | pete: how am i doing? /awesome for a guy with no eyebrows!/ / pete: i faked my way into workman's comp money from the porno shop after my injury! heh! / {{n/t}} / steve: carpel tunnel? http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=614 |
| dating angst | uncle grandpa: she answered! horray! we're going to go see a move an' eat crawfish! / uncle grandpa: [[to clango]] tie that tie faster or you are fired as my grandson! / internet girl: hi there! are you "sexy1piece9inch"?
/ uncle grandpa: < http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=615 |
| reservoir tip | pete: [[to suzie]] my workman's comp money pays for all my basic expenses. / pete: the local porn clerks' union has great health coverage too! i love not having to work! / pete: it even covers birth control! / {{n/t}}
/ [[suzie back away, appropriately sketched out.]] http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=616 |
| super raoul | lil' sis: [[to shiny foreigner]] raoul! i require your glossy tushie in my bunkbed /immediately!/ / mike: dang, that lil' sis sure is pretty. / charles: pretty forward! pretty intimidating! pretty trashy! / mike: virgin. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=617 |
| this here is how we do it | charles: i say there are certain standards of behavior we must all adhere to! / charles: if only i had the power, i'd enforce them! / mike: dude, go back to canada! / mike: living closer to texas has /seriously/ affected your once sensible personality. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=618 |
| 2003 guests part one | {{guest strip by michael lalonde @ www.oneryboy.com}}
/ pete: is it true that if you play metal albums backwrds, you hear hidden messages?
/ steve: i don't know, let's give it a try! / < http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=619 |
| 2003 guests part two | {{guest strip by steven l. cloud @ boasas.com}}
/ {{n/t}}
/ [[fork looks at james the toaster]] / {{n/t}}
/ [[fork does looping jump into toaster's openings]] / {{n/t}}
/ [[fork lands sending up multicolored sparks and turning black]] / lil' sis: kinky!
/ [[james smokes]] / {{guest strip by kean soo @ keaner.net}}
/ pete: blah blah blah blah indie. blah the scene blah blah blah blah underground! / steve: blah blah. blah metal blah hot licks blah blah blah blah blah cute chicks! / pete: uh, um... blah blah parent's basement blah blah art! blah blah masterpiece! / steve: blah blah, rockin' out blah blah [blah] throwing panties [blah blah blah] hot sex...
/ pete: lalalalaaa!! i'm not listening!! / {{guest strip by tom rhodes @ validus.ca}}
/ steve: i knew i shouldn't have had that last beer http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=620 |
| 2003 Guests Part Three | {{guest strip by jeffr @ wigu.com}}
/ maura: clango cyclotron!! what is all that racket!?
/ clango: n-n-nothing my sweet flesh-sicle!! / maura: wh-what is this my love? do you think i'm not attractive anymore?
/ clango: this must be what it is to be /shamed/... / maura: you think those pictures are prettier than me...
/ clango: maura baby, you know that's not true... let me make it up to you... / maura: how exactly do you plan to do /that/?
/ clango: oh, i learned a few /tricks/ from that magazine... / {{guest strip by dylan meconis @ projectkooky.com }}
/ < http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=621 |
| 2003 Guests Part Four | {{guest strip by les mc claine @ evilspacerobot.com }}
/ johnny toaster: .oO( was i meant for nothing more than this? ) / johnny: .oO( could i not soar above the circumstances of my creation and aspire to greatness? ) / maura: where's my toast, you stupid toaster? / johnny: *sigh* / {{guest strip by bill duncan @ dunktank.ca }}
/ [[clango plays the piano]]
/ maura: [[from off panel]] well? / maura: are you going to sit there and tickle the ivories all night? / maura: [[from off panel]] or should we be pumping that organ? / charles: good grief / {{guest strip by hellen @ hellen.gq.nu }}
/ collin: dude look at all those pins! yer so punk rawk!! / pete: punk rawk?! / pete: but... but i- i'm... / pete: indie!
/ collin: dude, get a friggin grip http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=622 |
| 2003 guests part five | {{guest strip by ♥todd! }}
/ clango: hey, indy rock pete / clango: what makes you "indy rock"? / {{n/t}} / pete: if you have to ask, you will never rock / {{guest strip by jen w. @ stringsoffate.com }}
/ clango: look what i found, roger! it's a /meow chi!/ it's a cat, but also a robot! just like me! / clango: when i pet it or clap my hands i can make it... hey! i was talking to you! you're just jealous! / {{n/t}} / meow chi: meow chi?
/ uncle grandpa: oh baby... / {{guest strip by neil g }}
/ comic book guy: thanks for shoping at my comic-book store!
/ male silverback gorilla: ::grunt:: / lil' sis: thanks, i can't stand ringing up that guy.
/ comic book guy: anything for my loyal minion... ..you're a big part of keeping my life's dream going! / lil' sis: your dream was to own a comic-book store!?
/ comic book guy: no, my dream was to spend hours on end with a cute girl who actually reads comics! / lil' sis: comics blow chunks!
/ comic book guy: ::sniffle!:: http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=623 |
| 2003 Guests Part Six | {{guest strip by matt bayne @ well-of-souls.com/artgolem }}
/ clango: ahh! the beauty of late night tv!
/ maura: i wouldn't use "beauty" to describe the jerry springer show. / clango: shh! this is the best part!
/ jerry: [[from tv]] and now for today's final thought... / clango: c'mon, jerry! wow me with your uncanny ability to empathize!
/ jerry: be good to each other. / clango: i want to cry.
/ maura: funny... suddenly so do i. / {{guest strip by n. alderman }}
/ maura: so, is it true what they say about c-3po?
/ clango: is what true? / maura: you know... that his, uh, i/o port goes both ways?
/ clango: gasp! i had no idea! / clango: my gaydar must be broken again. / clango: that's the last time i buy russian army surplus parts. / {{guest strip by daniel bogan }}
/ insomnia / clango: she sleeps now, even as i function. how do they do it? how do they survive in such soft, clammy shells? o, to be human for a single moment, to taste her lips with my own and feel her naked flesh pressed into mine. o mockery of rapture! i feel nothing, and yet i know that i love her. / maura: mm, good morning lover! whatcha thinking about?
/ clango: poopin'! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=624 |
| 2003 Guests Part Seven | {{guest strip by jc fletcher }}
/ red robot: where is bango? he is necessary for this crushing formation! menace-11, tap impatiently! / mango: allow mango to introduce mango. mango is mango, double to robot double bango. bango has important doubling duties for master clango.
/ clango: [[from off panel]] my date with maura! i totally forgot! / red robot: enough chatter, left arm! into position! we would be bathed in viscera by now if not for your dawdling! / mango: mango is eager to experience life! / mango: what is object "left arm?" / {{guest strip by stef pulford }}
/ red robot: left arm function is 'laser cannon.' not 'stylish fashion handbag!'
/ mango: mango apologizes for this oversight.
/ menace-11: are we there yet? / red robot: must i re-explain proper assembly?!
/ mango: mffle < http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=625 |
| 2003 Guests Part Eight | {{guest strip by carl mitsch @ oran-ju-tan.com }}
/ maura: what are you thinking about, my pop-riveted love machine? / clango: /*sigh.*/ i wonder how many couples are sharing moments like this across the world. / eve: [[to red robot]] so how does it feel to be /crushed/ by a hu-man, mister cutie-pants? / pete: what do you think about snuggling with my beard /now/, sabrina? / mike: pelse don't go back to canada.
/ charles: it's funny. i don't feel bi-curious at /all/ anymore. i mean, not even a little. / tv: [[to lil' sis]] "i bet the people in those houses don't think they're half as beautiful as i do." / collin: wow! that was quite possibly the best... something... i've ever had!
/ suzie: damn! i didn't know that 'something' was even possible!
/ [[johnny toaster smokes]] / clango: i bet none of them have the same gear-differential as we do!
/ maura: that reminds me, have you seen the cam lubricant? i hope we're not out already? / menace-11: {{in drag}} [[to steve]] hurry up and finish with that cigarette, cutie-boy! i'm ready again! / {{guest strip by hugo rodriguez @ daroolz.keenspace.com }}
/ pete: yea me indie rockin pete fessin 4 da show
/ red robot: petey you all wack. you gots no sounds / pete: no way dude
/ clango: yeah you know it / [[sign says: pete's rock band. it be fresh. firey sound]]
/ pete: i got to make a band do a show
/ lil' sis: no petey, you got nuttin / {{n/t}}
/ [[johnny toaster pops up toast]] / pete: lil' sis i write a damn song. it da greatest.
/ lil' sis: oh mans / pete: i got a feelin the sister be sweet... check out indie beat
/ < http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=626 |
| 2003 guests part nine | {{guest strip by dsandler @ dsandler.org }}
/ [[clango alone in background looking through journal]]
/ june 24, 2002 (#449)
/ 1,417 lbs. (not bad considering "heavy metal" inciden with gallon tub of rocky road); alcohol units 2 (cleaning innards); disk usage 93% (horrifying).
/ 5:15PM. saw v. exquisite produce at market this afternoon. might stop by again tonight for mesclun indulgence. thinking watercress, or perhaps celery. / dec. 02, 2002 (#564)
/ weight: 1,102 lbs.
/ (excellent, thanks to clinical depression and carbon arc welder); cigarettes 0 (what, and ruin my hepa filter?); upstream bandwidth: 96kbps (need to have that looked at). / nov. 28, '01 (#299)
/ 3am. must research non-deterministic algorithms. / july 10, 2002 (#461)
/ 2:30PM. fancy new galoshes proved ineffective as insulation. am still walking lightning-rod. / dec. 14, '01 (#311)
/ 6:30PM. new sheets tonight! / aug. 02, 2002 (#478)
/ 4pm. j.t. mentioned v. embarrassing detail about red robot this afternoon. must remember to tease red about it next week, when he comes over to watch 'felicity' re-runs. / jan. 29, 2002 (#345)
/ 11pm. menace-11 ran into that old crush of maura's. seems he's new crush of red robot.
/ unrelated: menace looking v. hip, sexy. must be new paint job. clearly #1a1a1a is the new black! / {{guest strip by greg stephens }}
/ maura: z / maura: clango!
/ clango: sweetie! / clango: i apologize for waking you, but -
/ maura: but? / clango: you're irresistable when you drool on yourself.
/ maura: only then?
/ clango: no, also [when ...] / {{guest strip by jose-luis olivares @ vaguespace.com }}
/ eye stalk: hello, i represent aarwc, affirmative action for robots in web comics.
/ clango: um, aiight. / clango: you want to talk to red robot?
/ eye stalk: no, uh, i'm here to let you meet your new friends... / eye stalk: [[from last frame]] frenchie-bot,
/ frenchie-bot: i'm gay
/ eye stalk: manual labor-bot,
/ manual labor-bot: half the work for half the price!
/ eye stalk: japanese/chinese-bot,
/ japanese/chinese-bot: (angry gibberish)
/ eye stalk: and driedel-bot.
/ driedel-bot: ... i'm circumcised! / uncle grandpa: yay, stereo-types! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=627 |
| 2003 guests part ten | {{guest strip by james kochalka @ americanelf.com }}
/ elf: hi / elf: i am an elf. / elf: i am an elf and i rock. / elf: can i be in diesel sweeties? /
/ {{guest strip by chris onstad @ www.achewood.com }}
/ uncle grandpa: hey toots! you got a boyfriend? / whore bot: you can be my boyfriend tonight, handsome!
/ uncle grandpa: .oO( sweet! she's a whore! ) / uncle grandpa: what if i wanted to get it on for like half an hour? how much money would that cost me?
/ whore bot: fifty dollars and i'm yours, honey! / achewood bot: what is with all of the yellink in here?! i am tryink to sleep next door. i haf busy day tomorrow! shut up shut up shut up! / achewood bot: shut up old computer, shut up whore computer! / achewood bot: do you even haf fifty dollars, uncle grandpa?! i know what car you drive! /pathetic blue miata, whit so much bumper scrapes. I bet you even ask whore for gas money./
/ whore bot: ! / {{guest strip by leigh dragoon @ spidric.com }}
/ clango: .oO( ah, the romantic vacation! just me and her... no worries, no cares... ) / security: stop right there! / maura: he's my /boyfriend/, not a /bomb!/ / clango: everyone please! i'm sure there's some way we can work this out! / clango: .oO( i home this is still romantic. ) / {{guest strip by nothingface.com }}
/ pete: stupid girls, always breaking my frail little heart.
/ red robot: let us crush this hu-man! / red: in fact, let us crush /all/ the hu-mans! the streets will run red with the blood of any fleshlings in our path!
/ pete: yeah! / red: you realize that one of the many lives that will become extinguished in the revolution will be yours. / pete: the things i do in the name of heartbroken vengance.
/ red: less talking! more maiming! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=628 |
| 2003 guests part eleven | {{guest strip by jonathan rosenberg @ goats.com }}
/ red robot: i am an eccentric millionaire! indie rock pete, i will pay you for eccentric gay sex experimentation! / pete: i am no sellout! my buttocks open only for love, not money! / red robot: gaze upon my glorious box. / pete: holy simoleons! call me pegleg pete, cause i'm a butt pirate! / {{guest strip by drew weing @ drewweing.com }}
/ clango: red robot #c-63, what do you do for fun? / fizzuck that shizznit! give the people what they really want, r. stevens - total robot carnage! / {{guest strip by skott baker @ dieyoung }}
/ menace-11: i keep hearing women say "all the good men are either married or gay." / menace-11: well where are these men? i haven't found any / menace-11: i mean is it too much to ask for a robot to fall in love? / red robot: for the last time, menace#11 stop getting cyborg inches sent to my house http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=629 |
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