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| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Let Me See You With My Own Eyes"}} / [[Red Robot and Eve are talking]] / Red Robot: IMAGINE THE MOST DELICIOUS MEAL YOU EVER TASTED.
/ Eve: I miss that girl. / Red Robot: NOW REMEMBER THE MOST GENTLE BREEZE YOU'VE EVER FELT.
/ Eve: Beans! / Red Robot: NOW CONSIDER THE TOUCH OF A LOVER'S HAND.
/ Eve: Elllliott. / Red Robot: NOW IMAGINE THAT YOU CAN'T FEEL ANY OF THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE SEALED INSIDE A BOX. / Red Robot: AN AIRTIGHT METAL BOX.
/ Red Robot: FOREVER. / Eve: NO WONDER YOU'RE ALWAYS SO PISSED. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1230 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Gentrification X"}} / [[Lil' Sis and Indie Rock Pete are talking]] / Sis: I'm bored.
/ Pete: And this is somehow MY problem? / Sis: I hate it here. There's never anything fun to do. / Pete: So move to the city! You're barely legal. / Sis: I can't do that. I've got too much family here. / Pete: So what? Family dies eventually. / Pete: Boutiques, martini bars and ultra-trendy themed restaurants are FOREVER. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1231 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Lil' Sis: If New York is so great, why don't *you* move there? / Lil' Sis: I bet you could even be roommates with Spider-Man! You're the best loser I know. / Indie Rock Pete: I *love* New York! I'm more "New York" than a Middle Finger! / Indie Rock Pete: It's just that being an obscure artistic genius, I can't *afford* to live anywhere good. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1232 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Your Best In-Equalities"}} / [[Metal Steve and Pale Suzie are talking]] / Steve: Can I ask a stupid question? / Suzie: There are no stupid questions, only annoying ones. / Steve: Do you have a favorite breast?
/ Suzie: Of the two that are attached to me? / Suzie: I find the smaller one to be a lot less of a diva. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1233 |
| #1234: The Bridges of Briscoe County, Jr. | Metal Steve: Do you name your breasts?
/ Pale Suzie: Sigh. / Pale Suzie: Y'know, you *used* to be my favorite male friend. / Metal Steve: I know what I'd name *my* breasts if I had a pair. / Metal Steve: Tee hee! / Metal Steve: Exhibit "A" for the defense, and exhibit "B" for the prosecution. / Pale Suzie: Very clever Lennie. Are you drinking again? / Pale Suzie: The Jury finds that you need to grow up and maybe kiss a girl. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1234 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"I Did A Lot Of Peyo In My Younger Years, Purely For Religious Purposes."}} / [[Metal Steve and Pale Suzie are talking]] / Suzie: Turnabout is fair play. You want to name my breasts, I'm gonna name your testicles. / Steve: Um.
/ Suzie: You already named them, didn't you? / Steve: Maybe?
/ Suzie: What do you call them? / Steve: It's a secret.
/ Suzie: Tell me. Now. / [[Steve and Suzie stare at each other]] / [[Steve turns blue and sports a mushroom on his t-shirt]]
/ Steve: "Hefty" and "Handy" http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1235 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Four-Minute Mile of Shame"}} / [[Clango and Indie Rock Pete are talking]] / Clango: Readysetgo! / Pete: A good song by that band is rarer than a good-looking bassist. / Pete: Their singer thinks he's so "scene" but he's not even in the script. / Pete: Song writing so stale, it makes the Spin Doctors look like Blonde Redhead. / Clango: ...And TIME! Three insults in nine seconds! A new world elitism record!
/ [[Pete exhales hard]] / Clango: Do you need some water?
/ Pete: I could do this all day long. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1236 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Lil Sis: I made you a mix CD.
/ Indie Rock Pete: Umm, thanks? / Lil Sis: Don't be too grateful.
/ Indie Rock Pete: Ingratitude is my gift. / Lil Sis: You know, most people give a mix CD to someone they 'like'. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1237 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"A Murder of Crowbars"}} / [[Lil' Sis and Indie Rock Pete are talking]] / Sis: I like you.
/ Pete: You LIKE me? / Sis: You're an arrogant prick, but at least you're confident. / Sis: Most guys my age are spineless and immature. / Pete: I can't believe this. I don't know what to say. / [[Sis and Pete stare at each other]] / Pete: Our friendship is based on hating one another. / Pete: I can't be your friend if you actually LIKE me. / Pete: How could you betray me like this? http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1238 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Phil Collins' Rabbit Pellets"}} / [[Maura is sitting on a toilet in a stall]] / Maura: I hate pooping in a restaurant. / Maura: Soft music and sphincter action DO NOT MIX. / Maura: I am not here to be soothed like a baby. / [[Cut to Ali standing by a sink, outside the stall]]
/ Maura: Some of us are here to work! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1239 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Tastes Great, Less Bleeding"}} / [[Ali and Metal Steve are talking]] / Ali: Thanks for de-virusing my computer, Metal Steve.
/ Steve: Yay! I am useful to a girl. / Ali: Care for a snack?
/ Steve: Snacks...to the MAXX! / Ali: How about some carob chip cookies?
/ Steve: Ew, gross! Short bus chocolate. / Ali: Maybe a veggie dog?
/ Steve: That poor three-legged puppy. / Ali: How about a soy milkshake?
/ Steve: Do you know what a soy cow says? / Steve: A soy cow says 'meh.' http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1240 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"What's In A Name? (Besides An Insult)"}} / [[Lil Sis' and Indie Rock Pete are talking]] / Pete: Your secret's out. I know you're hot for my pong paddle. / Pete: What say you let me diddle your middle? / Sis: PETER GAYLORD WEINER! / Sis: You dirty, no-good excuse for a vegan! I said no such thing. / Pete: PERSEPHONE MARIE GLEE! / Pete: You are a seed-swallowing tease of mythic proportions. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1241 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Bringing Work Home With You (To The Meat Locker)"}} / [[Red Robot and Maura, beer in hand, are talking]] / Red Robot: CRUSH ALL HU-MANS!
/ Maura: Work, Work, WORK! All you talk about is your work. / Red Robot: I LOVE MY WORK.
/ Maura: There's more to life than work, you know. / Red Robot: MY WORK IS MY LIFE.
/ MAURA: Mine was too, until the syphilis. / Red Robot: IN MY SPARE TIME, I SOMETIMES MAKE SAUSAGE FROM MY VICTIMS & DONATE IT TO ANIMAL SHELTERS.
/ Maura: It's not a hobby if you're still killing people. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1242 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | [[Red Robot and Maura stand facing each other on a red background]]
/ Red Robot: RUN ALONG, FLESHY FEMALE. DO NOT FORCE THIS UNIT TO CRUSH YOU / [[Red Robot and Maura stand facing each other on a slightly pinker background]]
/ Maura: CONDESCENDING {{emphasis}}AND{{end emphasis}} MERCIFUL... CHIVALRY REALLY IS UNDEAD / [[Red Robot and Maura stand facing each other on a definitely pink background, Red robot narrows his eyes as Maura looks away from him]]
/ Red Robot: DO NOT BAR MY WAY OR I WILL BE FORCED TO INCINERATE YOU. / [[Red Robot and Maura stand facing each other on an even paler pink background]]
/ Maura: HOW'D YOU KNOW I'M A SUCKER FOR A MAN WITH SMOLDERING EYES? / [[Red Robot and Maura stand facing each other on an even paler pink background]]
/ Red Robot: THIS UNIT IS NOT A MAN
/ Maura: YOU WILL BE WHEN {{emphasis}}I'M{{end emphasis}} DONE WITH YOU. / [[Red Robot and Maura stand facing each other on an even paler pink background, Red Robot looks worried or confused, Maura is smiling and raising an eyebrow]] / {{title text - Slasher than Fiction}} http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1243 |
| diesel sweeties 1244: "Dr. Feelgood's Motley Hearts Club Bland" | Clango: Um, Why are we waiting in this huge line again?
/ Indie Rock Pete: Dude, we are not just waiting in line, we're standing on queue for Motley Crue Tickets! / Clango: Why can't we go wait in that other line? It's shorter! / Indie Rock Pete: That's the sincere line. / Indie Rock Pete: We're in the ironic line. / Metal Steve: Hot Diggity Dongs! Third row center!
/ Mullet Rocker: Dude! / {{Dr. Feelgood's Motley Hearts Club Bland}} http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1244 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Clango: Why are you spending money to see a band that you don't even like? / Indie Rock Pete: Because it's ironic! / Clango: Sounds like a waste of hard-earned money. / Indie Rock Pete: Nah-- I took it from my mom. Besides, it's hip to love cheese. / Indie Rock Pete: Why do ya think kids love bad hair metal and William Shatner records so much? / Clango: That's mean!
/ Indie Rock Pete: Can't take the heat, get out of the Vulcan. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1245 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Scooter Gang"}} / [[Red Robot and Maura are talking]] / Red Robot: THIS UNIT WILL NOT CHANGE FOR A WOMAN. / Red Robot: I WILL NOT BETRAY MY PROGRAMMING FOR HEAVY PETTING. / Maura: Who's asking you to change? / Maura: I'm certainly not asking you to change. / Maura: I'm sick of nice guys. I've finished my last nice guy. / Maura: Going out with you would be like dating a biker, except I get to make out with the motorcycle. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1246 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"No One Cool Tells The Truth"}} / [[Clango and Indie Rock Pete are talking]] / Pete: Irony is the new sincerity. / Clango: That is insincere and terrible and depressing. / Pete: And true. / Clango: Can't people just like what they LIKE? / Pete: Only if you want to look like a dork. / Pete: Sincerity is the new unsophisticated. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1247 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Know When To Run"}} / [[Clango and Indie Rock Pete are talking]] / Clango: You really think the only way to be cool is to LIE to people? / Clango: No wonder you're always unhappy. / Pete: I believe that truth is a relative concept. / Pete: Ergo, one must be careful to know when to hold 'em as opposed to when to fold 'em. / Clango: Is that Plato or Socrates?
/ Pete: Do not mock The Gambler! / Clango: Quoting an old song is not the same as having a philosophy. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1248 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"State of the Art Genitals"}} / [[Red Robot and Maura are talking]] / Red Robot: CRUSH ALL HU-MANS!
/ Maura: Y'know, I may have heard you say that before. / Maura: I have a theory about you and all your rage / Maura: I bet that under all that childish fury is a passionate lover
/ Red Robot: ! / Maura: Fiery passion and state-of-the-art genitals. / Maura: You just need an experienced woman to help tease it out. / [[Red Robot gets "blushy" with hearts floating from his head]]
/ Red Robot: crush http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1249 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Syrup-Ticious"}}
/ [[Maura and Red Robot are in a field, talking at Metal Steve]]
/ Maura: Go get 'em, Tiger! Bring me back a finger.
/ Red Robot: OBJECTIVE: IMPRESS HOT GIRL. METHOD: ACT UP, USE VIOLENCE AND CUSS. / [[Maura by herself]]
/ Maura: I sure do love to bully by proxy. / [[Red Robot enters frame left towards Metal Steve]]
/ Red Robot: PREPARE FOR IMPACT.
/ Steve: Can I at least get a little drunk first? / [[Maura by herself]]
/ Maura: I am gonna tap that ass like a maple in Vermont. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1250 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Pinch A Loaf, I'm Dreaming"}} / [[Clango is talking to John Stamos, the kitten. Johnny Toaster is on the counter]] / Clango: Meow meow! Hey, kitten. Is something scaring you?
/ John: Mew! / [[Clango and Stamos look at Johnny Toaster, which has smoke issuing from it.]] / Clango: You're worried that Johnny Toaster is hurting the bread?
/ John: Mew! / Clango: Don't worry! I'll put some nice, cool butter on Loafy Joe. / Clango: I'll take good care of that crusty ol' coot.
/ [[A slice of bread pops out of Johnny Toaster]] / [[Cut to a slice of toast with "R I P" silhouetted]] http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1251 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Compassion Is Your Weakness, Mr. Wayne"}} / [[Indie Rock Pete and Clango are talking]] / Pete: Where's your girlfriend?
/ Clango: I haven't seen her for a few days. / Pete: Can you give her a message from me when you see her? / Clango: Are canadians polite? I'd be happy to. / Pete: Just let her know that I want to sleep with her again. / Pete: Oh, yeah...if you get a chance, maybe you can remind her how much cooler I am than you? / Clango: Perhaps I could also tell her I died in my slep and to find solace in your arms? http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1252 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Rooftop Rendezvoushe"}} / [[ Clango is climbing a ladder to the rooftop that Pale Suzie is standing on]]
/ Clango: Permission to come aboard, Cap'n Suzie?
/ Suzie: Granted, Yeoman Cyclotron. / Clango: I love it up here on the roof.
/ Suzie: Me too. / [[Clango and Suzie embrace]] / Suzie: It's more romantic than Batman and King Kong combined. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1253 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"The Red Hood Is Actually Her Most Sensitive Spot"
/ The title to this one is the worst kind of obscure in-joke pun. Sorry.}} / [[Clango and Pale Suzie are talking on a roof-top]] / Clango: I thought I'd find you up here.
/ Suzie: How utterly deduct-tastic of you. / Clango: Rough day?
/ Suzie: Kind of, yeah. / [[Clango smiles, and Suzie looks away uncomfortably]] / Clango: You can tell me.
/ Suzie: Ok. / Suzie: I'm afraid to see the new Batman movie because I might like it. / Suzie: I swore an oath to my dead parents that I'd never enjoy another Batman movie after the one with Bat-nipples. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1254 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Never Send A Prostitute To Do A Whore's Job"}} / [[Eve, dressed in a hoodie, looks daggers at a smiling Maura]] / Eve: I saw you kissing Red Robot today. / Eve: I thought that you loved me. / Maura: Why, because I slept with you? How adorably idealistic. / Maura: Date a porn star, you might get screwed. / [[Eve looks daggers at Maura again, who looks away uncomfortably]] http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1255 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Crude Refinery"}} / [[Indie Rock Pete and Metal Steve are talking]]
/ Pete: Will you QUIT calling me gay?
/ Steve: What, you're not happy? / Pete: I hate you.
/ Steve: Hee hee! / [[Cut to Lil' Sis and Pale Suzie, observing the boys]]
/ Suzie: Why do we need boys again? / Sis: Boys are the unstable middle eastern nations of romance. / Sis: They're sometimes kind of ugly, usually dry & don't do things the same way we do. / Sis: But we put up with it as long as they keep pumping that sweet, sweet crude. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1256 |
| diesel sweeties 1257: "D.I.Y." | Clango: Do you know how to spay a kitten? / Clango: My little one won't stop yowling at night and I think it's time to get her fixed. / Clango: I found directions for how to do it on the internet, but I don't have the right tools. / Goth girl: You can't do home surgery on a pet. That's gross and probably illegal. / Goth girl: How about you give me your kitty and I'll take her to my vet? / [[creepy skeleton approaching kitty]] / {{comic title: D.I.Y.}} http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1257 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{"Nothing More Than Feelings"}} / [[Eve, wearing a hoodie, and Maura are talking]] / Eve: Thank you for breaking my heart.
/ Maura: Thank me for by getting over it! / Eve: I was wrong about you. You ARE as bad as everyone says / Eve: Do you even HAVE feelings anymore?
/ Maura: Ive got oodles of emotions. / Maura: They just aren't as whiny and dramatic as yours. / Eve: Spoiler alert! / Eve: Being drunk is NOT the same as having feelings
/ Maura: ! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1258 |
| diesel sweeties 1259: "A Love Letter to Scott Kurtz" | Indie Rock Pete: You need to stop using the word 'gay' as an insult. / Indie Rock Pete: That's seriously not cool.
/ Metal Steve: Jeez, I didn't mean anything by it. / Metal Steve: My big brother just used to say it a lot when we were little. / Indie Rock Pete: Good ol' Carl, the eleventh-grade drop-out. / Metal Steve: Don't you dare pick on my brother! He quit school to follow his dreams. / Indie Rock Pete: Professional sperm donation is a dream?
/ Metal Steve: Dude's got a family to feed. / {{Comic title: A love letter to Scott Kurtz}} http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1259 |
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