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| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{ BAD URL }} http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1500 |
| Toxic Snack Syndrome | Clango: Why is love so valuable?
/ Pale Suzie: Unconditional love is rarer than chocolate kryptonite. / Clango: But what about puppies?
/ Pale Suzie: Dogs can't eat chocolate. It kills them. / Clango: How very uplifting.
/ Pale Suzie: Well, pardon my goth. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1501 |
| The Original Curiously Strong Alkaloids | [[Maura and Metal Steve are in a blue room. The coffee is brewing, and a moon is visible in the window.]]
/ Maura: Hooray! It's time for ninety deliciously lucid minutes followed by a mild headache!
/ Metal Steve: It's too late for coffee! / [[From here on in, the background is alternating shades of light and darker coffee brown.]]
/ Maura: It's not too late in the time zone that grew the beans. / Maura: We must respect their local customs by drinking them.
/ Metal Steve: But- / Maura: "But," nothing! Why do you hate diversity, Steve? / Maura: Why are you so afraid of everything that doesn't fit into your white Anglo-Saxon Metalhead worldview? / Meta Steve: You're insane! Quite possibly in the membrane! / Metal Steve: When was the last time you went a day without caffeine? / [[Maura looks blankly perturbed, obviously thinking, while Metal Steve smiles in his little victory.]] / [[Maura now looks pissed, still thinking, although harder now, while Metal Steve replaces his smile with a slight frown.]] / Maura: I seem to remember drinking something clear in the nineties. / Maura: But I may have been taking a pill. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1502 |
| Lips and Assholes | Maura: I miss being in love.
/ Metal Steve: So fall in love! / Metal Steve: Just not with me, ok? / Maura: "As if," in the parlance of the times.
/ Metal Steve: I was just sayin'. / Maura: I can't just "fall in love." / Maura: It's complicated. I have standards! / Maura: I only like things that are weird or forbidden. / Metal Steve: Like a hot dog falling in love with a banana? / (Maura envisions an amorous hot dog and banana) / Maura: Is the hot dog kosher?
/ Metal Steve: In a way that their love never could be. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1503 |
| I Don't Sleep, I Dream | [[Maura is drunk, and in this panel only, bubbles form above her head, and holds a bottle throughout the strip]]
/ Maura: Down with sleep! R.E.M. = Oppression! / Metal Steve: Oy, the things people find time to protest. / Metal Steve: Truly, these are the days of bread and circuses. / Maura: Life is too short to spend a third of it unconscious! / Metal Steve: Yet it's ok to spend that same time in a drunken stupor? / Maura: Yeah! See, that's my choice.
/ Metal Steve: "Live free or die without having fun?" http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1504 |
| Jackin' It | [[Pale Suzie and Clango are standing and talking]]
/ Pale Suzie: I wonder if you'd still date me if I was taller than you. / [[Clango is now slightly taller than he was in the previous panel]]
/ < http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1505 |
| Controlled Fishin' | Pale Suzie: I'm glad you never get threatened when I succeed at stuff.
/ Pale Suzie: I'm used to guys who think my only motivation in life is to make them feel dumb.
/ Clango Cyclotron: Just 'cuz I'm covered in metal doesn't mean I believe in chivalry!
/ Clango Cyclotron: A person who can't pull their own weight is like a nuclear reactor without carbon control rods.
/ Pale Suzie: Constantly in danger of a meltdown?
/ Clango Cyclotron: Either that or utterly incapable of generating power. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1506 |
| Of Endings And Beginnings | [[John Stamos is showing off her pink asterisk and Pale Suzie has a raised eyebrow of disgust.]]
/ John Stamos: Mew Mew Mew
/ Pale Suzie: Eww, enough with the cat butt already! / [[Clango enters]]
/ Clango: Cut nature some slack, will ya? She does her best with what she has. / Clango: That little cat is probablu more hygienic than any fast food in town. / Pale Suzie: That doesn't make it ok! Better than horrible is still gross! / Clango: You're just jealous you can't let YOUR freak orifice fly. / [[Clango is shocked by Pale Suzie's response and a little white exclamation point appears above his head...]]
/ Pale Suzie: So what if I am? http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1507 |
| Trojanimals | [[Clango is holding John Stamos and Pale Suzie is holding Lord Taco Puss]]
/ Clango: Honey, do you really hate my kitty?
/ Pale Suzie: I ain't a hater! / Pale Suzie: I just don't trust cute things.
/ John Stamos: Meep
/ Lord Taco Puss: Grr / Pale Suzie: Nature makes things cute so they can take advantage of other things! / [[A cute little owl, flanked by two cute owls slightly grayed out, has a word bubble with a graduation cap in it]]
/ Pale Suzie (in voiceover): Owls are notorious for defaulting on their student loans. / [[A cute little squirrel, with an acorn in its hands, looks longingly up at the view]]
/ Pale Suzie (in voiceover): Squirrels use their shiniest nuts to look up women's dresses. / [[Squids, the same style like on the other website, in various poses fill the panel]]
/ Pale Suzie (in voiceover): And squids... what dirty secrets do they hide behind that eternally hinky wink? http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1508 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | [[Clango stands alone]]
/ Clango: Everyone has a secret. / [[Electron Mike sits in front of a steaming computer]]
/ Electron Mike: I name all my old computers after girls who dumped me.
/ Electron Mike: Then I shut off my firewall. / [[Indie Rock Pete stands alone]]
/ Indie Rock Pete: I own every single John Tesh album. / [[Maura stands with a beer bottle next to a fish bowl]]
/ Maura: I use my bottle opener to pick my nose. Then I feed my fish with it. / [[Jon Stamos (black kitten) and Roger (orange cat) sit on their counter]]
/ Jon Stamon: Woof!
/ Roger: Oink! / [[Clango stands alone]]
/ Clango: My secret has to do with wetting the bed.
/ Clango: But not in the way you'd think. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1509 |
| Steadier and Freddier | Metal Steve: You look sadder and hairier than usual. / Metal Steve: Were there layoffs in the mines of Middle Earth?
/ Indie Rock Pete: Bah. / Indie Rock Pete: I don't feel like I'm living up to my potential. / Indie Rock Pete: I just don't think that I'm as happy ad I should be. / Indie Rock Pete: Imagine the art I could produce if I was properly depressed! / Metal Steve: Not being sad is quite a burden.
/ Indie Rock Pete: Life was easier when we were all miserable. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1510 |
| diesel sweeties: Yiffington Star - Tribune | [[Newspaper Title]]
/ Left Tag: PET-O-FILES Is Your Schnauzer Safe?
/ Title: Yfiffington Star-Tribune
/ Right Tag: SNAKES! Are They On *Your* Plane?
/ Date Line: EARYBIRD EDITION Hard-Hitting Facts -- Soft, Silky Fur June 16, 2006
/ [[Newspaper Headline]]
/ BUSH SIGNS FUN CONTROL BILL
/ [[Newspaper photo of three furries holding signs]]
/ Sign 1: Proud to be a furry
/ Sign 2: If fun is illegal, only criminals will have fun
/ Sign 3: Chewie Saves - Lucas 11:38
/ Subtitle: Pacifist Perverts Protest Prohibition, Paralyze Pittsburgh
/ Photo Credit: P. Parker
/ [[Newspaper Lead Story]]
/ COSPLAYERS, FURRIES TO BE FEDERALLY REGULATED AFTER TRAGIC DRAGON COSTUME MALFUNCTION INCINERATES KINDEGARTEN
/ Citizens' Right To Make Out While Wearing Bear Arms Threatened
/ STAMFORD, CT: A short commute from New York City, tradedy struck last Monday morning. During a medieval... / Nipples the Bear: I don't want to unmask! The government should stay out of my fun! / Nipples the Bear: What if I show my face and predators go after my family? / Pale Suzie: Do bears even *have* natural enemies?
/ Nipples the Bear: That's not the issue! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1511 |
| diesel sweeties: The Secret Lives of Animals | Nipples the Bear: I can't unmask, no matter what the law says! / Nipples the Bear: Not only would it be out of character, I could never keep up with the marriage proposals! / Pale Suzie: The whatage wha-who-zits?
/ Nipples the Bear: Wedded bliss! / Nipples the Bear: Compusory hugs! Sensual property rights massage! / Nipples the Bear: Kisses required by *law*! / Pale Suzie: Marriage isn't all bad!
/ Nipples the Bear: It is at odds with the law of the sexy jungle. / Nipples the Bear: We animals love purely and without binding agreements. / Pale Suzie: But you're not an animal!
/ Nipples the Bear: Oh? / Nipples the Bear: If you feed me, do I not *poop*? If you kiss me, do I not *breed*? http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1512 |
| diesel sweeties: Give Me Puberty or Give Me Death | Nipples the Bear: So much for 'Bring me your weird, your creepy, your perverted masses yearning to dress like marsupials.' / Nipples the Bear: So much for freedom. / Nipples the Bear: If you an't be a deviant in America, where *can* you be a deviant? / Pale Suzie: You can do almost anything in Thailand, but it'll cost you. / [[Nipples the Bear by himself with unseen diaglog coming from behind]]
/ Unseen Character: Move to Canada! / [[Nipples the Bear now facing Charles]]
/ Charles: It's so cold, no one will even give your fur a second glance. / Nipples the Bear: It would be nice to fit in, but I cannot accept. / Nipples the Bear: If Bambi has taugt me anything, it is that I can't run from my problems! / Nipples the Bear: I may be kinky, but I am not a coward! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1513 |
| Diesel Sweeties - Union Jock | {{ Diesel Sweeties - Romantic comics starring a burnt-out, retired porn star and her robot boyfriend, Clango. Watch out for the indie rockers and metalheads!}}
/ Indie Rock Pete: Egad! It's The Cellphone I Lie And Say I Don't Own!
/ < http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1514 |
| Call Now! Velociraptors Are Standing By. | Indy Rock Pete: I'm smiling so hard, my beard vanished!
/ Li'l Sis: Funny, I don't feel invisible. / Indy Rock Pete: A girl called me! / Indy Rock Pete: A girl who is not a telemarketer or an automated system! / Li'l Sis: Was she just using cell-phone minutes? / Indy Rock Pete: I have worth as a person beyond mere free nights and weekends!
/ (Indy Rock Pete has a 5 o’clock shadow now.) / Li'l Sis: Did her car break down?
/ (Indy Rock Pete's beard returns) http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1515 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | [[Bearded Indie Rock Pete and Lil' Sis in a green apatosaurus shirt]]
/ Indie Rock Pete: If you could travel back in time, wh-
/ Lil' Sis: DINOSAURS! / Pete: Don't you want ot hear the rest of the question?
/ Lil' Sis: Dinosaurs. / Lil' Sis: There are only two kinds of people in this world. / Lil' Sis: One wants to travel back in time to get drunk with pirates.
/ [[Indie Rock Pete grins.]] / Lil' Sis: The other simply wants to travel back in time to see what color dinosaurs REALLY were.
/ [[Indie Rock Pete frowns.]] / Pete: Arr!
/ Lil' Sis: And you wonder why I look down on you. / {{(C) 2006 R STEVENS BLAH BLAH}} / [[Small panels - CATACLYSMIC TALES Starring Weed-eater + Teeth Machine. Weed-eater is presumably the gray apatosaurus; Teeth Machine is probably the brown grinning T-Rex. Weed-eater eats weeds in a grassy plain before a blue sky, a volcano burning in the distance.]] / [[T-Rex turns and sees a meteor and/or meatball trailing cheese sauce, streaking down the sky.]] / Weed-eater: Glomp glomp
/ Teeth Machine: GRONK! / [[The Earth is struck by the meatball and there's a big splash of oceans and dirt and a bright light and the moon is all like "EEP!"]] / [[A black square, with the white text "THE END?"]] / {{title text: If It Wasn't For Carbon-14, I Wouldn't Date At All}} http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1516 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Guy: You know what's evenmore awesome than dinosaurs? / Girl: Moon-o-Saurs? Monkeys with jet packs ? -- chocolate lasers? / Guy: Crispy dinosaur bacon! / [[Girl's thought bubble]]
/ Dinosaur1: Curse my tiny arms
/ Dinodaur2: I hope you choke on me / Guy: I wonder if you can make bacon out of lizard meat?
/ Girl: Leave them alone! / Guy: I figure all you needis some liquid smoke & some gumption
/ Girl: Shut up before I bite you http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1517 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{Title Text; Word to Umami}}
/ Indie Rock Pete; If I can't talk about dinosaur bacon, how about dinosaurs -makin'- bacon?
/ [[Lil' Sis frowns]] / Lil' Sis; It's official, you can ruin anything. -Even dinosaurs.- / Indie Rock Pete; Hooray for me!
/ [[Trophy appears titled "Mega Lame"]]
/ Lil' Sis; Sucky kudos! / Narrator; Unfortunately, an active mind cannot -force- itself to stop thinking about a distrubing subject. / Lil' Sis; I am simultaneously confused, aroused -and- terrified at the very thought of thunder lizard makeouts. / Indie Rock Pete; I bet the Japanese have a word for that precise feeling. / Lil' Sis; Odds are good there's a whole -manga- about that exact emotion. / Indie Rock Pete; I stopped thinking about dinosaurs the moment I learned what sex was. / Indie Rock Pete; I always assumed they were chaste and pure like priests & Batman. / Indie Rock Pete; [[laughing]] Little trunks covering their tiny dino bathing suit areas.
/ Lil' Sis; Little? http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1518 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Productivity is for suckers. I declare it grown-up break time!
/ I can't right now! These boners aren't going to Photoshop themselves. / Work! Work! Work! You care more about your computer than you friends. / [[No dialogue in panel]] / [[No dialogue in panel]] / Can't we just hang out on the intenet like civilized people? http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1519 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{Title; A LION IN REPOSE}} / [[Clango and Red Robot #C-63 stand. Clango is on the left and Red Robot #C-63 is on the right.]]
/ Clango; DID YOU HEAR ABOUT VOLTRON?
/ Red Robot #C-63; WHAT ABOUT VOLTRON? IS HE OK? / Clango; HE DIED LAST NIGHT.
/ Red Robot #C-63; WHAT?! / Clango; A POWER SURGE BLEW OUT HIS MEMORY BANKS.
/ Red Robot #C-63; DAMN. / Clango; WHAT A LOSS.
/ Red Robot #C-63; THE DUDE WAS A GIANT ON SO MANY LEVELS. / Clango; I'M NOT SURE I WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD WITH-OUT VOLTRON.
/ Red Robot #C-63; WE AIN'T GOT MUCH CHOICE. / Red Robot #C-63; I WONDER IF I CAN HOLLOW OUT HIS CORPSE AND LIVE IN IT? / [[Clango and Red Robot #C-63 are silent]] / Red Robot #C-63; WHAT? I'D PAY MARKET VALUE. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1520 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Charles: July fourth is on a Tuesday this year.
/ Metal Steve: Woo! Kegger! / Metal Steve: I'm taking a four-day weekend to celebrate my independence from sobriety. / Charles: Sounds to me like you hate America.
/ Metal Steve: Incredulous gasp! / Metal Steve: I love America! I plan to eat weiners all day to prove it! / Charles: Midweek holidays are bad for the economy. Fun equals terrorism! / Charles: Canada Day is on a Saturday. / Charles: I think a true American patriot would celebrate Canada Day this year. / Metal Steve: If I don't take the day off on the fourth, can I at least drink at work? / Charles: That's Bastille Day, you dumb yank. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1521 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Indie Rock Pete: When is it okay to be a sell-out?
/ Clango: When is it okay to do anything? / Clango: Thou shalt not kill. / Clango: Yet I can eat a hamburger at a church picnic. / Clango: Do not lie! Quit with the coveting! / Clango: Does that mean veggie sausage is a sin? / Clango: Thou shalt not steal. / Clango: But amazing music is made from samples. / Clango: Thou shalt not worship false idols. / Clango: Yet if loving Jar-Jar Binks is wrong, I don't wanna be right. / Indie Rock Pete: Are you going somewhere with this?
/ Clango: Heaven, I hope! / Indie Rock Pete: I meant somewhere logical. / Clango: Boy, don't force me to take these commandments all the way to eleven. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1522 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | [[A cheerful Metal Steve shows a small handheld American flag to Red Robot #C-63]]
/ Metal Steve: Wa-Hoo! Indy-Pendence!
/ Red Robot #C-63: 'Splodey! 'Splodey! Freedom! / Metal Steve: Wanna go shoot some fireworks?
/ Red Robot #C-63: Not keen on another Homeland Security "Interview". / Metal Steve: We could go get beers.
/ Red Robot #C-63: I'm technically not old enough. / [[ Metal Steve is starting to look less cheerful. ]]
/ Metal Steve: Let's go swimming!
/ Red Robot #C-63: No trunks, no buoyancy, no service. / Metal Steve: How about we throw rocks into a pond?
/ Red Robot #C-63: Eek! The Park Service will flay us alive! / [[ Metal Steve now has a more pleading look on his face. ]]
/ Metal Steve: Want to go shopping?
/ Red Robot #C-63: Yay! Freedom! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1523 |
| I Had Briefly Considered Fighting For My Right To Party, But It Was Late And I Had To Work In The Morning. | Metal Steve: Wa-hoo! Indy-pendence!
/ Red Robot: 'Splodey! 'Splodey! Freedom! / Metal Steve: Wanna go shoot some fireworks?
/ Red Robot: Not keen on another homeland security "interview". / Metal Steve: We could go get beers.
/ Red Robot: I'm technically not old enough. / Metal Steve: Let's go swimming!
/ Red Robot: No trunks, no buoyancy, no service. / Metal Steve: How about we throw rocks into a pond?
/ Red Robot: Eek! The park service will flay us alive! / Metal Steve: Want to go shopping?
/ Red Robot: Yay! Freedom! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive/1523 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | [[Charles engages Pale Suzie in conversation. He is wearing a Superman logo T-shirt, whilst she is gothtastic in black.]] / Charles: Superman or Professor X?
/ Pale Suzie: For haircare tips? Makeouts? / C: Would you like to be able to do anything or know everything? / PS: Can I cheat? Can I compromise? / C: Why do people always have to look for loopholes in wishes? / C: Isn't it enough to get your wish granted? / PS: But I wanna be Spider-Man with built-in Google, a G.P.S. and Storm's midriff! / [[Charles' T-shirt mutates to display an excalamation mark warning triangle, clearly unimpressed.]] http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1524 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Hi, Uncle Grandpa. Did the wireless router lock up again? / The internet is not something you just dump something on! / It's not a truck! / It's a series of tubes! / And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube... / enormous amounts of material! / Quoting Senator Ted Stevens (R, Alaska) on the subject of network neutrality.
/ No Relation! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1525 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | GIRL: LITTLE MISS BONDAGE, SAT IN HER CORSET, PINING FOR CURDS AND WHEY / GIRL: HONEY, I'M HUNGRY
/ CLANGO: GOOD THING SOME MATTER IS EDIBLE! / GIRL: WEEZA GONNA HAVE-A PIZZA-PIE!
/ CLANGO: NO PIE FOR MITTENLESS KITTENS OR RACISTS. / GIRL: IF I'M A BIGOT, THEN NINTENDO IS FULL OF HATE CRIMINALS. / GIRL: ANYWAY, I GET A FREE PASS FOR BEING THEORETICALLY ITALIAN!
/ CLANGO: HUH? / GIRL: I'M NOT ITALIAN, BUT I MIGHT BE ITALIAN...AND YOU'D BE THE RUDE JERK IF YOU BROUGHT IT UP. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1526 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | [[A battered VW with the bumper sticker "My Other Car is Conspicuous Consumerism"]] / Indie Rock Pete: How is a ton of gas-burning steel NOT wasteful?
/ Lil' Sis: When it doesn't cost more than sending a poor kid to college? http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1527 |
| A Teetotaler's Eclipse | Lil' Sis: Do you have any heroes?
/ Indie Rock Pete: Ironic or authentic? / Lil' Sis: Authentic.
/ Indie Rock Pete: Living or dead? / Lil' Sis: Living.
/ Indie Rock Pete: Fictional or real? / Lil' Sis: Real.
/ Indie Rock Pete: Is there a space shuttle mission going on now? / Indie Rock Pete: I'd buy all the astronauts a beer if it didn't cost ten grand to get one into orbit. / Lil' Sis: Houston, we have a problem. / Lil' Sis: A substance abuse problem.
/ Indie Rock Pete: We do not make fun of space! / [[The space shuttle orbits the earth.]]
/ Consider this an intervention, Discovery.
/ See you in a week. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1528 |
| How The West Made Puns | [[Li'l Sis is wearing her dinosaur t-shirt, Indie Rock Pete is still bearded]]
/ Li'l Sis: Where have all the cowboys gone?
/ Indie Rock Pete: Jail? / Indie Rock Pete: The moon? Character acting? Tending to cheerleaders? / Li'l Sis: There's no adventure in the world anymore.
/ Indie Rock Pete: Isn't that why we have videogames? / Li'l Sis: Yes, of course. Tally-ho. / Li'l Sis: Sitting home playing videogames in an air conditioned room with snacks and Red Bull. / Li'l Sis: That's some adventure.
/ Indie ROck Pete: You ever read the ingredients in Red Bull? http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1529 |
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