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| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | [[ Lil' Sis and Indie Rock Pete face off once again. ]] / Lil' Sis: What happens in the Zeta Reticula system *stays* in the Zeta Reticula System. / Indie Rock Pete: Pretend I care what you think and speak in words that make sense. / <> / LS: Why the hell aren't we on the moon?!
/ IRP: Because we ain't moon men? / LS: HUmanity should be exploring the cosmos!
/ IRP: You first. / LS: Without an open frontier to provide a challenge, all people do is fight!
/ IRP: Whee! / LS: Space is the next best thing to peace.
/ IRP: I hear it's also a vacuum! / LS: So? / IRP: Choose your words carefully when arguing with the void. / {{cut to Lil' Sis, desperately holding her breath, alone in the vacuum of starless space}} / IRP {{from off panel}}: Your voice may not carry far, but your dying breath sure will. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1530 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{title text: From Russia with Love}}
/ [[Frames arranged like Tetris blocks]]
/ [[Red Robot and Metal Steve]]
/ Red Robot: There are two types of clever people in this world: / Red Robot: Frat boy clever and ACTUAL clever. / Red Robot: Your shirt straddles that line.
/ Metal Steve: Heh. You said "straddle." / [[Metal Steve has black eye, missing tooth, torn shirt]] / [[Lil' Sis and Electron Mike]]
/ Electron Mike: Still in my twenties and reduced to taking pills before being with my girlfriend. / Lil' Sis: Erectile dysfunction?
/ Electron Mike: Carpal Tunnel. / Lil' Sis: Eww!
/ Electron Mike: Hey, YOU asked me. / Lil' Sis: And now I am asking you not to elaborate. / [[Indie Pete]]
/ Indie Pete: The drinks were cheap. The music was perfect. / Indie Pete: The hottest girl I ever met was digging me LONG after the show. / Indie Pete: So I told her, 'Baby, let's get perpendicular.' / Indie Pete: I wish I'd said 'parallel.' Acute girl can make me so obtuse. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php/archive.php?s=1531 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{DS 1531}}
/ {Title: From Russia With Love}} / {{This comic is composed of three individual 4-panel comics arranged into interlocking tetris pieces. I have attempted to reconstruct the individual comic lines in the correct order for best reading. I have arranged the panels left to right, top to bottom. }} / {{Blue long Comic Running lengthwise down the left side}} / [[Lil' Sis and Electron Mike talking]]
/ Mike: Still in my twenties and reduced to taking pills before being with my girlfriend. / Lil' Sis: Erectile Dysfunction?
/ Mike: Carpal Tunnel. / Lil' Sis: Eww!
/ Mike: Hey, you asked me.
/ [[The word "you" in red for emphasis.]] / Lil' Sis: And now I'm asking you not to elaborate! / {{Green higher-on-the-left zigzag piece on the right.}} / [[Red Robot and Metal Steve talking.]]
/ [[Steve's T-shirt: Prostitutes Suck]] / Red Robot: There are two types of clever in this world: / Red Robot: Frat boy clever and actual clever.
/ [[The word "clever" in red.]] / Red Robot: Your shirt straddles that line.
/ Steve: Heh. Your said "straddle". / [[Steve in now beaten up. Black eye, t-shirt in shreds. Several bruises.]] / {{Purple t-piece on one end with flat facing left on bottom under and interlocking with the green piece.}} / [[Indie Rock Pete stands alone.]] / Pete: The drinks were cheap.
/ Pete: The music was perfect. / Pete: The hottest girl I ever met was digging me long after the show.
/ [[Word "long" in red.]] / Pete: So I told her "Baby, lets get perpendicular." / Pete: I with I'd said 'parallel."
/ Pete: Acute girl can make me so obtuse. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1531 |
| {{DS 1532}} / {{Title: Reversing the proportions of paddle to ball}} / [[Suzie and Clango in bed. Each have a heart above them and are smiling.]] / [[Clango, now pensive, is clearly thinking of Pong. A white ball bounces between two moving paddles in his thought bubble. Suzie is still smiling.]] / [[They speak]] / Suzie:What are you thinking about? / Clango: The purest form of intimacy. | |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{This comic is titled "Eloi oh Eloi", but highlighting of the lettering emphasises the 'hidden' LOL embedded in the text }} / [[ Electron Mike is interrupted at his computer by Maura, wearing shades and holding a cold beer ]] / Maura: Electron Mike! Let's go outside and irradiate ourselves as nature intended for a change.
/ Electron Mike: Barbarian! / EM: Don't try to come between me and friends I can put on pause. / M: Fine! Evolve into a Moloid! See if I care!
/ EM: At least us Morlocks are useful. / [[ Alone again in his darkened room, warmed by the pixel glow, Electron Mike contemplates his existence and finds it good. ]] / EM: My life may suck, but it sucks exactly the way I like it! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1533 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{Title: Structural Capacity is Rated Well Within The Specified Norms}} / [[Pale Suzie speaks to Clango with a concerned expression]]
/ Pale Suzie: Sweetie, are my breasts big enough? / [[Clango looks confused]] / Clango: Big enough for what?
/ [[what is emphasized]]
/ [[Pale Suzie has her Clango-is-so-sweet look on her face]] http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1534 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Suzie: Breast implants are the ultimate form of feminism. / Clango: I guess if you can believe that nuclear weapons prevent war, you can probably accept that boob jobs are pro-female. / Suzie: Seriously! / Suzie: If all breasts are huge, then huge breasts are no longer special. / Clango: The onion of equality gians a strange new layer every day. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php/archive.php?s=1535 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{Title: Subverting the Male Glaze}} / [[Pale Suzie and her significant other Clango discuss weighty matters]] / Pale Suzie: Breast implants are the ultimate form of feminism. / Clango: I guess if you can beleive that nuclear weapons prevent war, you can probably accept that boob jobs are pro-female. / PS: Seriously! / PS: If all breasts are huge, then huge breasts are no longer special. / C: The onion of equality gains a strange new layer every day. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1535 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Red Robot: Humans are weird.
/ Steve: Robots are weird. / Red Robot: You guys get darker when you lay in the sun. / Steve: You guys fade when you lay in the sun. / Red Robot: You're a festering, bloody animal! / Steve: You're a soul-less automation. / Red Robot: Call me when you can memorize your genome. / Steve: Call me when you have a genome. / Red Robot: You smell!
/ Steve: You don't have a nose! / Lil Sis: We feared a high-tech dystopia. We settled for high-tech dissing. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php/archive.php?s=1536 |
| Where Is My Jet-Pack? My Rocket-Powered Car? My Hover-Taters? | [[Metal Steve and Red Robot face off.]]
/ Red Robot: Humans are weird.
/ Metal Steve: Robots are weird. / Red: You guys get darker when you lay in the sun. / Steve: You guys fade when you lay in the sun. / Red: You're a festering, bloody animal! / Steve: You're a soulless automaton. / Red: Call me when you can memorize your genome. / Steve: Call me when you have a genome. / Red: You smell!
/ Steve: You don't have a nose! / [[Lil' Sis replaces Steve and Red for the big finish]]
/ Lil' Sis: We feared a high-tech dystopia. We settled for high-tech dissing. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1536 |
| diesel sweeties comic | Narrator: There once was a bunny from Sweden
/ Bunny: Hej / Narrator: Who wrecked every patch that he PEED in / Narrator: He ruined some shrubs / Narrator: And dismayed some GRUBS
/ Fly: !! / Narrator: But his MISDEEDS he shouldve been HEEDIN'
/ [[Red Robot, carrying a DETH WARRANT]] <<*Squot*>> / Guest comic by Amy Chilton and Shelley Winters (scarygoround.com) http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1537 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Red Robot: FEAR ROBOTS HUMAN!!
/ Maura (?): Why? / Red Robot: It's only a matter of time until we rule earth!
/ Maura: How? Most robots can't even clean my floor. / Red Robot: What?
/ Maura: I keep waiting for my "personal" robot that will wash the windows or even pick up my socks. / Maura: Once robots are able to do all that, then I'll fear your robot uprising. / Red Robot: Well then.... Fear the robots of tomorrow; they'll rule the children of today!
/ Maura: Oohhhh... Not scary. / Maura: See, I have no reason to fear you. The robots of today are wussies! / Red Robot: < http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1538 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic: Chris Baldwin's 2006 Guest Comic | [[Clango and Gothic Suzie chat against a purple background]]
/ Clango: Well then, after the wizard gave me a heart, I lay down my axe and moved to Seattle where-
/ [[Suzie interrupts]]
/ Gothic Suzie: What's that noise? / [[Clango and Suzie move to a pinker background and stand next to what looks like an electronic typewriter or fax]]
/ Clango: Great Uncle Vic? What are you doing here?
/ Great Uncle Vic: Clango! / [[Scene moves to further along the desk where Uncle Grandpa sits next to Great Uncle Vic on a blue background]]
/ Great Uncle Vic: I was just telling this young 'un about when 5k of RAM meant something. / [[View turns to include Clango and Suzie as well as uncle and grandpa against a dark purple background]]
/ Uncle Grandpa: Clango, did you know your pansy-ass great-uncle was originally gonna be called "Vixen" but it sounded too much like "Wichsen" the German word for masturbate? / Great Uncle Vic: See? He has 128k, and look what he uses it for, god-damn beige toaster.
/ [[Gothic Suzie smiles more]] / [[View turns to face Suzie and Clango with Grandpa and Great Uncle in front of them against a green background]]
/ Clango: Susie, this is my great-uncle Vic-20 / [[Wide shot of Great Uncle and Grandpa, a puff of smoke rises from Great Uncle Vic]] / [[Close shot of Great Uncle and Grandpa]]
/ Great Uncle Vic: Kids nowadays! Who is this De-sade whore my nephew Clango is dragging around?
/ Uncle Grandpa: You should see his four-legged fluff-ball terrors. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1539 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Clango: http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1540 |
| Lan's Best Friend | [[Li'l Sis is on Myspace, wearing a Space Invader t-shirt. Charles is wearing a white Canadian leaf on a red background.]]
/ Charles: The internet! Never has so much "hooray" been in the same spot as so much "boo". / Charles: Myspace?
/ Li'l Sis: My space is none of your business. / Charles: Like no one ever made that joke before.
/ Li'l Sis: I'll race you to Google. / [[Li'l Sis is offscreen, obviously typing. Charles looks perturbed]]
/ < http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1541 |
| Liberty, Equality, Pornography | Maura: Nipples the bear!
/ Nipples: In the flesh within a mystery, wrapped in an enigma! / Maura: You're a cartoonist, right?
/ Nipples: That's what I do! / Maura: But what's your JOB?
/ Nipples: My job is to try not to suck. / Maura: Your job is the opposite of the world's oldest profession? / Nipples: It really depends on what you'll allow the client to do to you. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1542 |
| All Cats Are Grey In The Dark | Maura: Say something funny, cartoon boy.
/ Nipples: No. / Nipples: I am not your monkey! Do I look like your monkey? / Maura: Yes?
/ Nipples: A bear is not a monkey! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1543 |
| But I Wanted To Go To Tosche Station To Buy Some Power Converters | [[A hot sun burns overhead, while a cactus looks downtrodden at far right. Indie Rock Pete is sweating profusely and his usually stylish indie hair droops.]] / [[Sweaty Indie Rock Pete and Clango are standing outside, though the sun and cactus are no longer visible]]
/ Indie Rock Pete: I'm melting and it's all your fault. / Indie Rock Pete: You stupid machines and your appetite for oil and coal! / Indie Rock Pete: Shooting out carbon dioxide like Mel Gibson cussing out a cop. / Indie Rock Pete: Thanks for the global warming, jerks! / Clango: Did you guys build us just to blame us, or did you want some work done first? / Indie Rock Pete: Keep your dirty logic out of my science! http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1544 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic : 23.5 Degrees from Vertical | [[Indie Rock Pete and Clango are out in the sunshine]]
/ Indie Rock Pete: I'm uncomfortable and you're nearby
/ {{text turns red}}
/ Prepare to co-suffer / [[Clango raises an eyebrow]]
/ Clango: You see that big yellow dude up in the sky?
/ [[Indie Rock Pete looks nonplussed]] / Clango: That's the sun. His name is Sol.
/ [[Indie Rock Pete is pretty unimpressed]] / Clango: Can you say, "Hi Sol"?
/ [[Indie Rock Pete looks annoyed]] / [[Clango talks out of the side of his mouth]]
/ Clango: Hey, dudes! Cowabunga!
/ [[Indie Rock Pete looks away]]
/ Indie Rock Pete: Hi. / Clango: Sol is 93,000,000 miles from the earth.
/ [[Indie Rock Pete just stares at Clango]] / Clango: Scientists call that an "astronomical unit."
/ [[Indie Rock Pete just stares at Clango]] / Indie Rock Pete: So?
/ [[Background has gone red and Clango is glaring]]
/ Clango: So quit complaining or your unit is going straight up your ass. / [[Background returns to normal, Indie Rock Pete has a sheepish smile]]
/ Indie Rock Pete: What a gorgeous day!
/ Clango: Tang, anyone?
/ [[Clango is holding a glass of orange stuff]] http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1545 |
| Leukocyte... I Am Your Father. | Red Robot C-63: You wanna make something of it?
/ Metal Steve: Yeah, but I'd feel guilty afterwards. / Red Robot C-63: I thought you animal types were all about conflict and survival of the fittest and evolving and stuff. / Red Robot C-63: I find biology disgraceful, but YOU are a disgrace to biology! / Red Robot C-63: Your immune system must think you're a total loser. / [[Metal Steve's bloodtsream, filled with red and white blood cells, who all apparently have minds of their own]]
/ White Blood Cell 1: Lame.
/ White Blood Cell 2: Meh.
/ White Blood Cell 3: Bah.
/ White Blood Cell 4: Like, whatever.
/ Red Blood Cell: Maybe he has a point?
/ White Blood Cell 5: Shut it, sissy. / [[Metal Steve looks pissed, Red Robot C-63 has his usual face on.]] / [[Metal Steve is furious, and Red Robot C-63 raises a clawed arm in victory.]]
/ Red Robot C-63: That's the spirit! / [[Red Robot C-63 looks worried as Metal Steve speaks through seething clenched teeth.]]
/ Metal Steve: If you have a god, you would do well to text message him. NOW. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1546 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | [[Metal Steve and Lil' Sis are conversing. When Steve isn't talking, he's frowning.]]
/ Steve: What's the scariest thing that's ever happened to you? / [[Some thinking is going on.]] / Sis: One time I was sitting out by the curb at two in the morning... / Steve: Stoop-related activities?
/ Sis: You know how it is. / Sis: Anyway, a black van pulled up out of nowhere. / Steve: Ninja-nowhere or rural-nowhere?
/ Sis: Ninja. / Sis:Three guys jumped out and started SCREAMING at me. / Steve: Was it 'Girls Gone Wild'?
/ Sis: Can I tell my damn story?! / Steve: Did you get a free tank top?
/ Sis: My dignity fits me better. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1547 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Little Sister: Someone once said. "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention".
/ Red Robot: Bah! / Red Robot: Why is it ok to love without a reason, but anger requires justification? / Little Sister: Anger causes people to do dumb things!
/ Red Robot: And love doesn't? / Little Sister: Love causes people to do socially acceptable stupid things. / Little Sister: There's a difference. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1548 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Red Robot: Whoa! Either a pork roast grew opposable thumbs or it's a human! / Lil Sis: You're a big, dumb meanie, you big dumb meanie. / Red Robot: Call the United Nations! There's a new diplomat in town! / Red Robot: How you monkeys ever made it out of the trees and into S.U.V.s, I'll never know. / Lil Sis: We invented you, so maybe we are a little dense. / Red Robot: Depleted uranium is dense. People are just stupid. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1549 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Pete: I'm gonna buy a hybrid car and save the environment!
/ Maura: You want a medal? / Pete: Yes, please!
/ Maura: Tough space cookies. / Maura: Chewbacca didn't get a medal. What makes you think you deserve one? / Pete: Because I'm so eco-friendly, earth day is my birthday. / Pete: I'm so green, envy is jealous. / Maura: You're buying a new car that you will drive to the store for cigarettes. / Pete: So? it's a hybrid.
/ Maura: Sigh. / Maura: If a tree falls in the forest and no one burns it, do I still need to recycle? http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1550 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | [[Maura is watching TV]]
/ TV Reporter: Today's top story! Malt liquor and breast milk banned from airplanes due to terror concerns! / Reporter: Perverts, parents & pilots perturbed! / Reporter: Is America losing the war on refreshment? Stay tuned! / Maura: The news is scary.
/ Lil Sis: That's the truth, sister. / Maura: How am I supposed to fly without booze?
/ Lil Sis: Put it in a snake? / Lil Sis: Or am I simply clinging to horrible internet cliches to keep from crying? http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1551 |
| Empty Nest Syndrome | Maura: Seriously, what's in the closet?
/ Electron Mike: R. Kelly! My uncle! Bat-man! / Maura: You aren't some kind of murderous sex cannibal, are you? / Electron Mike: I wish. I'd have girls to cook and girls to cook for. / Maura: I'm gonna look. It's up to you how conscious you wanna be during. / Electron Mike: Semi or better, please?
/ < http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1552 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | EMPTY NEST SYNDROME / Maura: SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S IN THE CLOSET?
/ Electron Mike: R KELLY! MY UNCLE! BAT-MAN! / Maura: YOU AREN'T SOME KIND OF MURDEROUS SEX-CANNIBLE ARE YOU? / Electron Mike: I WISH. I'D HAVE GIRLS TO COOK AND GIRLS TO COOK FOR. / Maura: I'M GONNA LOOK. IT'S UP TO YOU HOW CONSCIOUS YOU WANNA BE DURING. / Electron Mike: SEMI OR BETTER, PLEASE?
/ < http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1553 |
| 128-Bit Encrypted Flirtation | Li'l Sis: Hey, hot stuff. What say we get tacos and then go compare tattoos? / Li'l Sis: If that doesn't work for you, we can go get tattoos and then go compare tacos. / [[Li'l Sis smiles while Charles looks perplexed]] / Li'l Sis: I'm hitting on you.
/ Charles: Oh! / Charles: I thought you were speaking in tongues. / [[Li'l Sis grins widely as Charles backs away in possible fear, disgust, and/or puzzlement.]]
/ Li'l Sis: I can do tongues. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1554 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | hey! maple tits! get back over here. / nuts to you! i'm going back to th internet! / the girls online don't scare mebecause i refuse to believe they are real. / i am too forward? / for every forward there must be an equal andopposite back. / shall we reload, then?
/ bring it home, girl. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1555 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | She was young. She was beautiful. She was not from concentrate. / [[Lil' Sis and Charles gabbin']]
/ Charles: Listen, it's not that you're too young for me - / Charles: it's that I'm too old for you. / Lil' Sis: That's a cop-out!
/ Charles: Even cops gotta obey the law. / Lil' Sis: It isn't like people go bad after a certain date! / Lil' Sis: We are not milk or eggs, no matter how weirdly your head is shaped. / Lil' Sis: I refuse to believe that all's fair in love and freshness dates. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1556 |
| A Full Calendar | BOY: SOILER ALERT! I'm not a very good potential boyfriend. / BOY: Friday nights are for watching Tech TV on my TiVo while reading digg and haning out on IRC. / BOY: Saturday is gaming night. / BOY: F.Y.I.- If you make fun of gaming night, I'll de-friend you so fast, your profile page will spin.
/ BOY: I master dungeons and I'm PROUD of it. / BOY: Sundays are for sleeping in, eating waffles and reading the paper. / BOY: My social life is so INTENSE, I could never pay you the attention you deserve. / GIRL: How about lunch on Wednesday?
/ BOY: That's when I go pick up my comics. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1557 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | Clango: Sweetie, what's wrong?
/ Suzie: I lost my cat.
/ Suzie: Lord Taco-Puss and I are a combo platter no longer.
/ Clango: Are you ok? Do you want to put up signs and go look for him?
/ Sign: Have you seen me? (Not that you'd want to. I'm kind of gross. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1558 |
| diesel sweeties: pixelated robot romance web comic | {{title-text: Small Animals , Big Problems}} / [[Pale Suzie and Clango Cyclotron are talking]] / Pale Suzie: Wah.
/ Clango Cyclotron: We're gonna FIND that horrible cat of yours, I swear. / Clango Cyclotron: My infrared sensors and stink detectors are at your disposal. / Pale Suzie: It's all right, honey. There's nothing we can do for him now. / Pale Suzie: He's gone for good. / Clango Cyclotron: How... How did you lose him? / Pale Suzie: His contract ended and our lawyers just couldn't come to an agreement. http://dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1559 |
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