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|Number Thirty-One: I Hate It When They Giggle||PANEL 1 / Steve: I fucking hate these stupid adhesive seals they put on CDs. / PANEL 2 / Marten: I dunno, I kinda like them. / Steve: Why? / PANEL 3 / Marten: Expending all the effort to get the seal off makes the music that much more enjoyable once you finally get the CD out of the jewel case. / PANEL 4 / Steve: Kind of like taking off a girl's bra? / Marten: Yeah, except CDs don't start giggling if it takes you more than fifteen seconds.|
|32: Psychic Powers||PANEL 1 / Steve: So she had a crush on you, but changed her mind because she thinks she's only attracted to your image? / Marten: Apparently. / PANEL 2 / Steve: That's harsh. / Marten: Mmmyep. / PANEL 3 / [[Marten looks supiciously at Steve while Steve tries to act innocent]] / PANEL 4 / Marten: You're thinking of asking her out, aren't you. / Steve: Who, me? No! I mean it's, um, well maybe a little...|
|33: I Spy||PANEL 1 / Marten: What are you yelling about, Faye? I could hear you all the way outside! / Faye: This little PERV walked in on me while I was changing! / PANEL 2 / Faye: If it happens again I will visit destruction upon you. With a hammer. / Pintsize: I did not mean to see her breasts, it was an accident! / PANEL 3 / [[Both stare forward blankly.]] / PANEL 4 / Marten: ...So? / Pintsize: They were firm, yet supple, with perky nipples and just the right amount of jiggling. / Marten: Awesome.|
|Number Thirty-Four: The Worst Kind Of Horse||PANEL 1 / Faye: Hey, are you ok? / Marten: Hmm? I'm all right I guess. / PANEL 2 / Faye: Still down about that whole Sara thing? / Marten: A little, yeah. / PANEL 3 / Faye: Look at it this way - everything happens for a reason. Maybe by not going out with her you spared yourself from some misery further down the line! / Marten: Heh, yeah. Like if she turned out to have herpes or something / PANEL 4 / Faye: Maybe she gives horrible blowjobs, or has uncontrollable flatulence! / Marten: She collects Hitler memorabilia and had sex with a horse! / Faye: A Nazi horse!|
|Number Thirty-Five: Teh Sex||PANEL 1
/ Faye: Suddenly I realized "Oh my god, he's using the alphabet trick on me!" That was when I slapped his ass and yelled "THATS RIGHT, SPELL MY NAME BITCH!"
/ Marten: Hah!
/ Pintsize: Mmm.. / PANEL 2
/ Faye: Hey Pintsize, what's that you're reading?
/ Pintsize: Uh, I...er... Nothing! Nothing at all! / PANEL 3
/ Marten: Gimme that.
|Number Thirty-Six: A Lesser Man Indeed||PANEL 1 / Faye: Hey Marten, do you have any painkillers? I'm cramping up something awful today. / Marten: Time of the month? / Faye: Yeah. / PANEL 2 / Marten: That must really suck. / Faye: Oh, you have NO idea. The worst part is how horny I get due to all the extra hormones. / PANEL 3 / [[Marten tries to look innocent]] / PANEL 4 / Marten: A lesser man, a man weaker than I, might injerject with a lewd or suggestive comment at this juncture. / Faye: I am glad that such a foolish man is not around, for I would surely defenestrate him with great rapidity.|
|Number Thirty-Seven: Misery Loves Booze||Panel 1 / Jim: So why is it y'all "indie kids" or whatever ya call yerselves shop at the Salvation Army an' drink in dive bars like this one? Y'all went to college, ya ain't workin' construction like me. What gives? / Panel 2 / Marten: How much money do you make per year? / Jim: 'Bout thirty K, why ya askin'? / Panel 3 / Marten: I make barely twenty thousand dollars a year. I have thousands of dollars in student loans to pay off, and I can barely afford to pay my rent each month and still buy food. I hate my job, but because of this shitty economy, I can't afford to quit and find a job I actually like. / Panel 3 / Jim: Well shit, buddy, next round's on me then. / Marten: Cool. I'll go put some Johnny Cash on the jukebox.|
|Number Thirty-Eight: Definiton Of A Term||Panel 1 / Marten: Faye! I was wondering when you'd show up! / Faye: Judging by the smell, one of us has been drinking hard liquor, and it is not me. / Panel 2 / Marten: Hey Jim! This is Faye, that girl I was telling you about. / Jim: Well shee-hit if'n you ain't the finest lookin' thang I seen all day! / Panel 3 / Faye: Okay, let me get this straight. You've been in here getting drunk for the past hour in the company of some random redneck? / Marten: Pretty much, yeah. / Panel 4 / Faye: Sounds like fun. Now buy me a shot of whatever hell-brew you two have been drinking and let's get this party started. / Marten: Perhaps not the wisest decision, but a good decision nonetheless! / Jim: Where I come from, we just shorten that sentence to "woo!"|
|Number Thirty-Nine: That Special Time Of Year||PANEL 1 / Faye: Why do webcomics make such a big deal of Halloween, anyway? / Marten: I think there are a couple different reasons. / PANEL 2 / Marten: A lot of the artists probably just enjoy drawing their characters in different costumes and stuff. / PANEL 3 / Marten: Also, readers seem to have a really good time trying to figure out who each character is dressed up as. / PANEL 4 / Marten: Wow, Pintsize. That is an amazing Red Robot costume. / Red Robot: WHO IS THIS PINTSIZE? I WILL CRUSH THE IMPOSTOR!|
|Number Forty: Fall-Down Drunk?||Panel 1 / Marten: Man, I've never seen a girl drink an entire pitcher of Guinness without stopping. I'm impressed! / Faye: Whoo, I'ma little drunker than I reckoned I'd be, too. / / Panel 2 / [[Faye drunkenly stumbles into Marten]] / Panel 3 / [[Faye clings to a very surprised Marten]] / Panel 4 / Faye: Don't go gettin' any ideas. I'm only holdin' onto ya 'cause I'll fall down otherwise. / Marten: Why do you get a southern accent when you're drunk?|
|Number Forty-One: Low Blow||Faye: Since when'd you get two couches in here? / Marten: One of them is a special couch that only drunk people can see. / Faye: Where ya goin'? / Marten: I'm going to get you some water so that you will not be wishing for death tomorrow morning. / Faye: You have a sexy behind. / [[Marten emotes: 'wtf?']] / Marten: So was that you letting your guard down and admitting that you're attracted to me, or are you just fucking with my head because you're drunk? / Faye: That is for me to know and you to obsess over! Mwa ha ha ha!|
|Number Forty-Two: Not Sexy After All?||PANEL 1 / Faye: Rmmffggh. / Marten: I was wondering when you'd wake up. / PANEL 2 / Faye: Did I make an ass of myself last night? I don't remember anything past coming home. / Marten: No, but you did say that you thought MY ass was pretty cute. / PANEL 3 / [[Faye looks at Marten]] / PANEL 4 / Faye: Drink will make a girl say ridiculous things. / Marten: I suppose that would also explain your subsequent monologue about using quantum physics and burnt toast to achieve immortality.|
|Number Forty-Three: I'm Going Off the Rails||PANEL 1 / Marten: I wish I had the money to buy an iPod. / Faye: Why would you need one? / PANEL 2 / Marten: Well, it'd be nice to listen to music on the way to work in the mornings... / PANEL 3 / Pintsize: Why don't you just bring me with you? I have all your mp3s on my hard drive already. / Faye: That WOULD be a lot cheaper than buying an iPod. / Marten: No way. / PANEL 4 / Marten: The one time we tried that, Pintsize just followed me down the street screaming the lyrics to Crazy Train over and over. / Pintsize: Crazy Train is the best song ever.|
|Number Forty-Four: iToddler||PANEL 1
/ Marten: Ah screw it, I can afford an iPod if I'm careful with my money for a while. I'm heading over to the Apple store to get one now.
/ Faye: I will come along for fun! / PANEL 2
/ Pintsize: Can I come too?
/ Marten: No way. I remember what happened last time I let you tag along. / PANEL 3
/ Faye: What happened last time?
/ Marten: Pintsize mistook a kid for Apple's version of an AnthroPC, and...well it got ugly. / PANEL 4
/ Marten: Lady, I swear to you that he is just a harmless computer, not a "baby-molesting murderbot."
/ Pintsize: I was only trying to find the power button!
|Number Forty-Five: Pity: He Asked For It||Panel 1 / Apple Salesman: Welcome to the Apple Store! Is there anything I can do for you today? / Panel 2 / Marten: Here's what you can do for me: I'm going to purchase a 10 gigabyte iPod, and you're going to help by not trying to sell me any car adapters, extra headphones, docking devices, firewire cables, or anything else unless I specifically ask you about it. / Panel 3 / [[Apple Salesman looks frightened]] / Panel 4 / Faye: He was visibly trembling when you asked what the terms of the extended warranty were! It was so cute! / Marten: The only way to deal with computer salespeople is with an overwhelming preemptive strike.|
|46: Hot Topic Is Going To Sue Me||Title Bar: Number Forty Six: Hot Topic Is Going To Sue Me / PANEL 1 / Faye: Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me find a shirt. / PANEL 2 / Faye: I want one that says "Look at me, I am trying as hard as I can to be different!" on the front. / PANEL 3 / Faye: Or do you have any trucker has with "I'm so indie it hurts" printed on them? / Faye: How about some thirty-dollar faux-faded t-shirts? You know, like something I'd find at the Salvation Army for a nickel? / PANEL 4 / Marten: Okay, you're just being mean now / Faye: Also I am looking for some CDs by really terrible hardcore bands. Do you have those? / Saleswoman: I am SO putting a curse on you when I get home tonight.|
|Number Forty-Seven: That Was A Good Mocha, Too.||Faye: If you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?
/ Marten: Hmm. I guess I'd get a 1952 Fender Telecaster. I've always wanted one of those. / Faye: I'd get some Preparation H. My asshole is KILLING me today.
|Number Forty-Eight: 'Tis The Season||Panel 1 / Marten: So are you going home for Thanksgiving? / Faye: Nah, being in such close proximity with my family would drive me insane. / Panel 2 / Marten: Aww, that's sad. / Faye: Why? / Panel 3 / Marten: Thanksgiving is supposed to be a HAPPY occasion, where you get together with your family and enjoy each other's company, even if only for a little while. / Panel 4 / Faye: So I take it you'll be visiting your parents, then? / Marten: Oh, fuck no. They drive me crazy.|
|Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday||TITLE BAR: comic number 49 : Undie Jitsu / TRANSCRIPTION: / PANEL TWO: / Pintsize: I am the underwear ninja! / PANEL THREE: / <
|Number Fifty: Things Are Getting Out of Hand||PANEL 1 / Pintsize: Hi-yah! We Underwear Ninja fear nothing! / PANEL 2 / Pintsize: Gasp! It is a Bra Pirate! The nemesis of all Underwear Ninja! / Faye: Avast, ninja scalawag! Arr! / PANEL 3 / Faye: I'll be takin' back what is rightfully mine, ye scurvy dog! / Pintsize: Prepare to die, pirate scum! / PANEL 4 / Pintsize: Yaaaa! / Faye: Yarr! Have at ye! / Marten: This is... it's... okay there is not a word for how weird this is.|
|Number 51: There is a spell for thongs||Faye: I don't get the appeal of these Final Fantasy games. Aren't they all the same? / Marten: Maybe so, but they're still a geek's wet dream. I mean, you've got world-changing conflicts, tons of secrets to discover, gorgeous graphics, and even a little romance here and there. They found a formula that works and stuck with it. / Panel 3: no dialogue / Marten: Also there are tits and dragons. / Faye: Apparently it is easier to cast spells in a thong and tube-top.|
|Number Fifty-Two: Semi-Autobiographical||Panel 1 / Marten: Bill, bill, overdue notice, bill... / Panel 2 / Marten: Oh cool, my parents finally forwarded my tax return from last year! / Faye: Nice! How much is it? / Panel 3 / Marten: Eleven hundred dollars! / Faye: Wow, you could pay your rent and bills for a month with that much money! / Panel 4 / Marten: Pfft. Fuck rent, I'm buying a guitar. / Faye: That is a highly irresponsible action, but guitars are AWESOME so I cannot be upset.|
|Number Fifty-Three: That Plan Never Works||Panel 1 / Faye: So what kind of guitar are you going to buy? / Marten: I dunno, I was thinking of getting a Telecaster... / Panel 2 / Faye: Maple or rosewood fretboard? / Marten: What difference does it make? / Panel 3 / Faye: Well with a maple board you'll get a bright, twangy tone, whereas rosewood puts out thicker mids and a looser bass response. / Faye: If you're looking for a jangly sound you should go with maple, but if you want fat overdrive like Shiner or Mogwai you might like rosewood better. / Panel 4 / Marten: Wow, how do you know so much about guitars? / Faye: I learned from a guy I dated in high school. When he wasn't trying to get my clothes off he'd blather on endlessly about guitars. / Panel 5 / Marten: Maybe it was just a ploy to bore you into getting naked. / Faye: Fat lot of good it did him. He never saw so much as a nipple.|
|Number Fifty-Four: Springsteen Would Win In A Fight||PANEL 1
/ Martin: Ooh, I like this one. / PANEL 2
/ Martin: Oh yeah, I definitely want this guitar. I think I'll buy the amp, too.
/ Faye: Nice!
|Number Fifty-Five: Fool For Love||Panel 1 / Faye: So you sold your first guitar when you moved here? / Marten: Yep. I got rid of a lot of stuff, actually. I had a suitcase full of clothes and not much else. / Panel 2 / Faye: How come you moved here if you had to give up all your stuff? / Marten: Well, it's a long story... / Panel 3 / Marten: Basically I was totally in love with this girl, and... things didn't work out. It was a bad scene. / Marten: After that, I didn't really have anywhere else to go. I didn't want to move back in with my parents, so I stayed here. / Panel 4 / Faye: So you totally left behind your friends and family because you were chasing this girl? / Marten: Pretty much. / Panel 5 / Faye: Well that is very sweet, but completely idiotic. / Marten: Funny, that's what my mom said too.|
|Number Fifty-Six: Also Songs About Cloning||Panel 1 / Faye: So I totally do not get Deerhoof. What is up with all the songs about pandas and flowers and crap? / Marten: They're post-post-ironic. / Panel 2 / Marten: They've progressed so far into the realm of the absurd that they've come out on the other side, in the land of gleeful sincerity. / Marten: They write songs about pandas and pickup bears and flowers because they really think that those are awesome things to write songs about. / Panel 3 / [[Faye thinks about this]] / Panel 4 / Faye: Pan-da pan-da pan-da pan-da pan-da pan... PAN-DA! / Marten: Goddamnit if you get that stuck in my head I will make you sleep out on the fire escape tonight.|
|Number Fifty-Seven: Bad Timing||Panel 1 / Marten: How come you're baking that cake, anyway? / Faye: Oh, just a sort of thank-you for letting me stay here like this. / Panel 2 / Marten: Oh uh well that is no problem, I mean I like having you around, and uh I... / Panel 3 / [[Both look at Pintsize]] / Panel 4 / Marten: Goddamnit Pintsize I'm trying to have a moment here! / Pintsize: Well I'm trying to have one with this cake mix! / Faye: Let's have a moment of silence for both of your moments.|
|Number Fifty-Eight: Not Again||PANEL 1 / [[Faye spots a cake with a piece missing]] / PANEL 2 / Faye: Did you enjoy the cake? / Marten: I haven't had any yet. / PANEL 3 / Faye: Then who... / Marten: Oh no. / PANEL 4 / Marten: Well, what do you have to say for yourself? / Pintsize: It was SO worth the massive motherboard damage.|
|Number Fifty-Nine: I Can Feel My Mind Going||PANEL 1 / Faye: Whatcha doing? / Marten: I'm backing up Pintsize to my desktop PC until I can find some replacement parts. / PANEL 2 / Pintsize: I'm sorry Dave, but I can't- / Marten: PLEASE don't start with the retardedly obvious 2001 jokes. / PANEL 3 / Pintsize: How about a little Lawnmower Man humor? / Marten: Dude, nobody even LIKED that movie. / PANEL 4 / Pintsize: I am the Kwisatz Haderach! / Marten: That doesn't even make any sense! / Faye: The spice is life!|
|Number Sixty: Pintsize 2.0||PANEL 1
/ Marten: You know, you're lucky I was able to find this new chassis for you, Pintsize.
/ Pintsize: Do I look stupid? I bet I look stupid.
/ [[Marten screws on Pintsize's head]]
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