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| Number 361: The Times, They Are A-Changin' | [[Outside, a man is playing guitar and singing]]
/ Faye: Argh, there's nothing I hate more than a badly-tuned acoustic guitar butchering Bob Dylan.
/ Martin: I know what you mean. Disease, famine, genocide... they're all peanuts compared to bad musicianship.
/ Man: [[singing]] Come senators, congressmen / Please heed the call / Don't stand in the doorway / Don't block up the hall / Faye: I was being hyperbolic, smarty pants.
/ Martin: Do you think that dude is aware of how awful he sounds? Or is he just some crazy drunken guy with a guitar, trying his best to tell us how the times are changin'? / Faye: Maybe it's performance art. He's actually a clasically-trained Berklee graduate or something, exploring Dylan's music from a dystopian, atonal perspective.
/ Martin: The guitar is out of tune because times are bad! The singing is off-ket because of all the injustice in the world today! / Faye: Wait, no, nevermind. I just saw him take a big pull from a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 and now he's yelling about "the gummit". Your crazy drunken bum hypothesis has been confirmed.
/ Martin: The guitar is out of tune because of alcohol! The singing is off-key because of the voices in his head!
/ Man: [[yelling]] They're tryin' ta take mah head an' use it fer 'speriments! 'S why I don' pay muh goddamned income taxes! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=361 |
| Number 362: Arf | [[Faye and Dora in the Coffe of Doom]]
/ Faye: Hey spookypants.
/ Dora: Hey generic-but-vaguely-cute nickname. / [[Written on the chalkboard: Triple espresso brownie, Triple brownie espresso, TEA OF DOOM]]
/ Faye: My my, aren't we the sassy one today.
/ Dora: I'm all riled up from dudes hitting on me this morning. / Faye: Did you hear that, Marten? You better make a move soon or some boy will steal her away.
/ Marten: Heh, well I don't think I really need to worry about that. / Marten: [[hands on his mouth]] Oh my God. I just realized how awful that sounded.
/ Faye: Holy crap, Marten. If your foot was wedged any further down your throat you'd be choking on your femur.
/ Dora: Aww, look at the horrified expression on his face! He's like a puppy who just got caught pooping on the carpet. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=362 |
| Number 363: Life is Full of Them | [[In the Coffee of Doom]]
/ Marten: Well much as I'd love to stay and further make an ass of myself, I really need to go do some grocery shopping.
/ Dora: Okay sweetie, see you later.
/ Faye: Stay away from the peaches.
/ {{Faye is refering to her and Marten's conversation in Number 355}} / Faye: Hey, where's Raven? Isn't she working today?
/ Dora: Yeah, she's right... / < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=363 |
| Number 364: You Give An Inch | [[In the Coffee of Doom. Raven is picking herself up off the floor]]
/ Faye: I am so sorry Raven, I didn't mean to hurt you. It was just my self-defense instincts kicking in.
/ Raven: Heheh, it's okay. I've never been given a full body flip like that before. It was kind of fun except for the hurty part at the end. / Dora: Wow, you apologized for your actions? The Faye I know would have just muttered "meh, it's her own stupid fault" and sauntered away.
/ Faye: That Faye is dead and gone. At least, I hope she is. I'm making an effort to be less of an awful bitch from now on.
/ Dora: Is it cold in here? Because this place is heated by the souls of the damned and I think hell just froze over. / Faye: Okay Raven, what have you learned today?
/ Raven: [[putting her hat back on]] That I shouldn't sneak up on you from behind and try to tickle you.
/ Faye: Good girl! / Dora: She didn't say anything about non-sneaky tickling! Get her, Raven!
/ Raven: You heard what the boss said, Faye. Coochie coochie coo!
/ Faye: Ackpth! Nooo! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=364 |
| Number 365: Or Maybe a Bug-Zapper | [[Marten waling into his apartment, mibling to himself]]
/ Marten: "I don't think I really need to worry about that, nurrrr." God, could I *be* any stupider?
/ {{Reference: Number 362}}
/ Pintsize: Probably, if you hit yourself in the head with a hammer or something. What was the context of that quote of yours? / Marten: Faye was joking about some other dude stealing Dora away from me, and that was my reply. Total foot in mouth moment.
/ Pintsize: Well aren't you more interested in Faye anyway? I mean, you really DON'T have to worry about Dora. / Marten: Bu that's not what I meant! I mean, its not what I intended to... augh, I don't even know what I meant anymore. I swear, sometimes I wish I were into dudes so I wouldn't have to worry about girls anymore.
/ Pintsize: I doubt being attracted to men would make your life any simpler. / Marten: Yeah, I know. It's not girls who are the problem, it's me.
/ Pintsize: Hey now, don't be too hard on yourself. faye IS something of a problem.
/ Marten: She's a problem for me like a porch light is a problem for a moth. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=365 |
| Number 365: Or Maybe A Bug-Zapper | [[Marten and Faye's apartment]]
/ Marten: "I don't think I really need to worry about that, nurrrr." God, could I be any stupider?
/ Pintsize: Probably, if you hit yourself in the head with a hammer or something. What was the context of that quote of yours? / Marten: Faye was joking about some other dude stealing Dora away from me, and that was my reply. Total foot in mouth moment.
/ Pintsize: Well aren't you more interested in Faye anyway? I mean, you really DON'T have to worry about Dora. / Marten: But that's not what I meant! I mean, it's not what I intended to... augh, I don't even know what I meant anymore.
/ Marten: I swear, sometimes I wish I were into dudes so I wouldn't have to worry about girls anymore.
/ Pintsize: I doubt that being attracted to men would make your life any simpler. / Marten: Yeah, I know. It's not girls who are the problem, it's me.
/ Pintsize: Hey now, don't be too hard on yourself. Faye IS something of a problem.
/ Marten: She's a problem for me like a porch light is a problem for a moth. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=365# |
| Questionable Content: Number 366: Stay Out of the Pit | {{Title: Number 366: Stay Out of the Pit}} / [[Panel 1: Ellen, Steve, and Natasha at a table in a restaurant]]
/ Ellen: Ooh, here comes the waiter.
/ Natasha: Hey, he looks kinda familiar. / [[Panel 2: Waiter Amir appears]]
/ Amir: Afternoon everybody, can I get you some drinks before you order?
/ Natasha: Excuse me, but were you at the Converge show two weeks ago? / [[Panel 3: Closeup on Amir and Natasha, Anir pointing finger of recognition]]
/ Amir: Yeah, why do you... oh hey, I remember you! You were the chick who kicked me in the face during "You Fail Me"!
/ Natasha: I knew you looked familiar! Man, that pit was crazy.
/ Amir: You totally knocked out one of my teeth with your boot.
/ [[We notice the minor dental flaw, which has been present all along.]]
/ Natasha: Yeah, I found it on the floor after the show. I wanted to give it back but I couldn't find you in the crowd. It's on my dresser at home if you want it. / [[Panel 4. Natasha stands, clasps left hands with Amir. Steve and Natasha eye each other.]]
/ Amir: That'd be rad. Can you bring it by later on? I get off at seven tonight. My name's Amir, by the way.
/ Natasha: I'm Nat. Sorry about kicking you in the face.
/ Amir: Nah, it's cool.
/ Steve: [[aside, to Ellen]] This is the weirdest courtship I have ever witnessed.
/ Ellen: The scary part is that this is pretty normal for Natasha. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=366 |
| Number 367: Or Meg White, It's Up To You | Steve: So let me get this straight -- you kicked this guy in the face in a mosh pit and knocked out one of his friggin' _teeth_, and now he asks you for your phone number?
/ Natasha: Yeah, pretty much. What's the big deal? / Steve: I just don't get the whole hardcore "we beat the shit out of each other and then hug" thing.
/ Natasha: That's just how the scene is. Either you understand it or you don't.
/ Ellen: She took me to a concert once but between the scary screaming and the scary kids punching each other I didn't like it much. / Steve: Well, whatever floats your boat I guess. I feel a lot safer at indie rock shows where everyone just stands there with their arms folded.
/ Natasha: That is so lame. At a hardcore show you can break a dude's nose and he'll high-five you, but if you accidentally make eye contact with someone at an indie show it's the biggest social faux pas ever. / Steve: Indie kids are like gorillas -- peaceful by nature, but if you make eye contact they see it as a challenge.
/ Natasha: A challenge to what, see who has the biggest boner for Stephen Malkmus?
/ Ellen: Natasha!
/ Steve: Actually it's usually the chick from Cat Power. She's hot. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=367 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: Oh my God, I can't believe you actually own an Apocalyptica album.
/ Dora: Before you go all Indie Pundit on me, remember who signs your paychecks. / Faye: It's all right Dora, no need to be ashamed. We all have CD purchases that we regret. You have your Apocalyptica, I have my Bloc Party.
/ Dora: I think I like the concept of cellists playing Metallica songs better than the actual execution. / Faye: I think the world needs more genre experiments like that. Maybe an a capella Explosions in the Sky tribute - bearded, earnest dudes in black turtlenecks just humming as intensely as they possibly can.
/ Dora: An Opeth cover band that only uses bluegrass instrumentation! Weird atonal banjo riffs at 180 bpm!
/ Faye: A kazoo orchestra performing the entirety of The Who's Tommy! They even smash their instruments at the end!
/ Dora:Actually that'd be an improvement upon the original. / Raven: Or like when punk bands play sped up covers of old songs! I love that!
/ Faye: Raven I am trying as hard as I possibly can not to say something snide right now. I just thought you should know that.
/ Dora: Just let it out, Faye. Holding that stuff in will give you cancer. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=368 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Storeroom]]
/ Faye: Oh my God, I can't believe you actually own an Apocalyptica album.
/ Dora: Before you go all Indie Pundit on me, remember who signs your paychecks. / [[Coffee of Doom]]
/ Faye: It's all right, Dora, no need to be ashamed. We all have CD purchases that we regret. You have your Apocalyptica, I have my Bloc Party.
/ Dora: I think I liked the concept of cellists playing Metallica songs better than the actual execution. / Faye: I think the world needs more genre experiments like that. Maybe an a capella Explosions in the Sky tribute- bearded, earnest dudes in black turtlenecks just humming as intensely as they possibly can.
/ Dora: An Opeth cover band that only uses bluegrass instrumentation! Weird atonal banjo riffs at 180 bpm!
/ Faye:A kazoo orchestra performing the entirety of The Who's Tommy! They even smash their instruments at the end!
/ Dora: Actually that'd be an improvement on the original. / Raven: Or like when punk bands play sped up covers of old songs! I love that!
/ Faye: Raven I am trying as hard as I possibly can not to say something snide right now. I just thought you should know that.
/ Dora: Just let it out, Faye. Holding that stuff in will give you cancer. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=368# |
| Number 369: Ben and Jerry | [[In the Coffee of Doom, Faye is changing CDs]]
/ Raven: Who is this on the stereo? It doesn't sound like they're singing in English.
/ Faye: It's a band called Dungen. I think they're from Sweden.
/ Raven: They're weird. / Faye: Raven, do you ever feel even the slightest urge to listen to music that hasn't been hand-fed to you by MTV and ClearChannel?
/ Raven: I don't really know what you mean. I just like stuff I hear on the radio. What's the big deal with all this "indie" stuff? / Faye: Look at it this way. Do you like ice cream?
/ Raven: Mm, yes!
/ Faye: I do too! Chocolate used to be my favorite flavor but I got bored of eating just one kind of ice cream all the time. So now I go looking for all sorts of other weird flavors to try out, because they're interesting. / Raven: [[quietly]] You know, all that ice cream is probably why you're a little chunky around the hips.
/ Faye: Dammit Raven I am not going to let you derail my metaphor.
/ Dora: Screw your metaphor, I want some ice cream now. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=369 |
| Number 369: Ben and Jerry | [[In Coffee of Doom]]
/ Raven: Who is this on the stereo? It doesn't sound like they're singing in English.
/ Faye: It's a band called Dungen. I think they're from Sweden.
/ Raven: They're weird. / Faye: Raven, do you ever feel even the slightest urge to listen to music that hasn't been hand-fed to you by MTV and ClearChannel?
/ Raven: I don't really know what you mean. I just like the stuff I hear on the radio. What's the big deal with all this "indie" stuff? / Faye: Look at it this way. Do you like ice cream?
/ Raven: Mm, yes!
/ Faye: I do too! Chocolate used to be my favorite flavor, but I got bored of eating just one kind of ice cream all the time. So now I go looking for all sorts of other weird flavors to try out, because they're interesting. / Raven: You know, all that ice cream is probably why you're a little chunky around the hips.
/ Faye: Dammit Raven I am not going to let you derail my metaphor.
/ Dora: Screw your metaphor, I want some ice cream now. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=369# |
| Number 370: So Slippery! | [[Faye, Raven and Dora, leaning on the counter in the Coffee of Doom]]
/ Faye: I'm bored.
/ Raven: Me too.
/ Dora: Yeah, it's been a slow day. And I'm sick of these stupid barrettes. My hair wants to be free! / Faye: Whoa, Dorafro!
/ Dora: Yeah, it'll do that. I've got a pretty thick head of hair on me.
/ Raven: You're so lucky. Mine is totally thin and frizzy unless I put a ton of product in it. / Faye: [[touching Raven's hair]] Eww, what kind of product are you using? Seal blubber?
/ Reven: No, silly. It's some hair gel my roommate had under the sink. It's called Astro-Glide and works really well! It's not greasy but it still has pretty good hold. / Dora: Uh... Raven, Astro-Glide is what you put on your lady-parts if you want to have sex but feel kind of dry down there.
/ Raven: What? Eww! Why would you use hair gel for that?
/ Dora: Faye, erase the blackboard. I think I'm going to have to draw her a diagram.
/ Faye: Okay, but only if you call 911 first. I'm about to start laughing so hard I'll need an ambulance. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=370 |
| Number 371: There Is No Stopping Him | Marten: Hey, I'm back.
/ Faye: That was fast. Did they have clementines at the store?
/ Marten: Yup. Got a bag of 'em just for you.
/ Faye: Hooray! You win the Thoughtful Boy Award for today. / Marten: Hey Dora, isn't Raven working today?
/ Dora: Yeah, she's in the back washing her hair.
/ Marten: Why?
/ Dora: Long, hilarious story. / Marten: I don't suppose it has anything to do with the, uh, interesting diagram on the blackboard.
/ Dora: Yeah, Raven kind of confused a bottle of lube for hair gel this morning. / Marten: Wow. That brings a whole new meaning to the term "head-banging", eh? Eh?
/ Faye: Her noggin has to be good for something. Yours is apparently only good for making terrible puns.
/ Dora: I'm pretty sure I've seen at least one fetish website dedicated to that. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=371 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Coffee of Doom]]
/ Marten: Hey, I'm back.
/ Faye: That was fast. Did they have clementines at the store?
/ Marten: Yup. Got a bag of 'em just for you.
/ Faye: Hooray! You win the Thoughtful Boy Award for today. / [[The chalkboard reads: TODAY'S SPECIALS: -Triple Espresso Brownie -Triple Brownie Espresso -We Prank-Call Your Boss -TEA OF DOOM (with a frowny face with x-ed out eyes]]
/ [[The pictures of Dora and Raven are still on the board. Dora's reads: She's The Boss!, Not a Lesbian, esspressologist, Tough on Crime, and Recovering Goth. Raven's reads: Emo Cutie!, The Nice One, (Hearts) Alkaline Trio, 7 Piercings!]]
/ [[There is now also a diagram on the board. It depicts the right place (lady parts) and wrong place (Raven's hair) to put Astro-Glide.]]
/ Marten: Hey Dora, isn't Raven working today?
/ Dora: Yeah, she's in the back washing her hair.
/ Marten: Why?
/ Dora: Long, hilarious story. / Marten: I don't suppose it has anything to do with the, uh, interesting diagram up on the blackboard.
/ Dora: Yeah, Raven kind of confused a bottle of lube for hair gel this morning. / Marten: Wow. That brings a whole new meaning to the term "head-banging", eh? Eh?
/ Faye: Her noggin has to be good for something. Yours is apparently only good for making terrible puns.
/ Dora: I'm pretty sure I've seen at least one fetish website dedicated to that. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=371# |
| Number 372: Not Frizzy So Much As Medusa-Esque | [[In the Coffee of Doom, Faye is speaking to Raven in the bathroom]]
/ Faye: Hey squicky-head, you almost done in there?
/ Raven: [[in the bathroom]] Yes, and quit calling me that! I didn't know it was lube!
/ Faye: Squick squick squick!
/ Raven: Stoppit! / Dora: Man, that's an awful nickname. I guess I'm lucky you merely dubbed me "spookypants."
/ Faye: I've learned that it is unwise to give your employer a moniker he or she takes offense to.
/ Marten: I'm proud to say that I _earned_ her pet name for me: "Throbbing McStudly." / Dora: Oh? And how exactly did you do that?
/ Marten: She ripped out one of the wall studs in our apartment and beat me with it until I was covered in throbbing bruises.
/ Faye: He's exaggerating. It was just a regular 'ol two-by-four. I didn't rip it out of the wall. / Raven: I got that lubey junk out of my hair, but I don't think this is much of an improvement.
/ Dora: I feel your pain, Raven. I've had lubey junk in my hair before and it wasn't pleasant.
/ Faye: Wait, _junk_ junk? Like, boy-parts junk? Why on earth...
/ Dora: I briefly dated a yoga instructor a couple of years ago. One night he lost his concentration and slipped.
/ Marten: I'm going to tell myself you're just making that up, because the implications would shatter my feeble mind if you aren't. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=372 |
| Number 373: Worst Chiaroscuro Ever | [[Dora, Faye, Raven, amd Marten in the Coffee of Doom]]
/ Dora: Man, I'm starving.
/ Faye: More like sex-starved.
/ Dora: Glass houses, Faye.
/ Raven: We should order a pizza! / Dora: Good plan. You wanna stay and eat with us, Marten?
/ Marten: Oh uh sure, let me just go get some cash from--
/ Faye: Hush you. We have a tip jar for a reason. That reason is greasy Italian goodness. / Dora: You mean like my --
/ Faye: Not. Another. Word.
/ Marten: [[to Raven]] Sheesh, they're both all riled up today huh.
/ Raven: I think it's their time of the month, if you know what I mean. / Dora: I can't vouch for Faye, but let's just say that my panties look like Jackson Pollock going through a red phase.
/ Faye: I suppose that'd be better than Picasso's blue period.
/ Raven: Whoa, Picasso had blue periods? I though he was a guy!
/ Marten: We'd better not order sausage on the pizza or my bowels will resemble a Bosch tomorrow. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=373 |
| Number 374: Not Sure What Her Super-Power Actually Is | [[A pizza delivery girl comes to the Coffee of Doom dressed as a Super Hero]]
/ Pizza Girl: One large pepperoni pizza. That'll be twelve dollars.
/ Dora: Thank you, Pizza Girl. Civilization itself would crumble if not for your food-delivering prowess.
/ Pizza Girl: All in a day's work, ma'am. / Dora: Pizza's here.
/ Faye: You know, I just noticed -- you and Marten have basically the same haircut. / Dora: Hey, you're right. Clearly this means we must fight to the death all gladiator-style to determine the rightful owner of this hairstyle.
/ Marten: Or uh one of us could get a different one or something. / Dora: Aww, I was really looking forward to the loinclths and sweaty wrestling.
/ Marten: Sorry, I'm a lover, not a fighter.
/ Dora: That doesn't necessarily preclude loinclothes or wrestling, you know.
/ Faye: Great, instead of _Ben Hur_ we get _Dora Hurrr._ http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=374 |
| Number 374: Not Sure What Her Super-Power Actually Is | [[In Coffee of Doom]]
/ Pizza Girl: One large pepperoni pizza. That'll be twelve dollars.
/ Dora: Thank you, Pizza Girl. Civilization itself would crumble if not for your food-delivering prowess.
/ Pizza Girl: All in a day's work, ma'am. / Dora: Pizza's here.
/ Faye: You know, I just noticed- you and Marten have basically the same haircut. / Dora: Hey, you're right. Clearly this means we must fight to the death all gladiator-style to determine the rightful owner of this hairstyle.
/ Marten: Or uh one of us could get a different one or something. / Dora: Aww, I was really looking forward to the loincloths and the sweaty wrestling.
/ Marten: Sorry, I'm a lover not a fighter.
/ Dora: That doesn't necessarily preclude loincloths or wrestling, you know.
/ Faye: Great, instead of Ben Hur we get Dora Hurrr. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=374# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Number 375: And A Shot of Bitchiness / [[Dora, Marten, Faye, and Raven are sitting at a table in Coffee of Doom eating pizza, a well-dressed man is standing nearby]]
/ Man: Uh, excuse me...
/ Dora: Yeah? whaddya want? / Man: Well, I'd like a cup of coffee.
/ Dora: Sure, help yourself.
/ Man: What?
/ Dora: The coffee pot is behind the counter. You can get your change out of the tip jar. / Man: What? You WORK here, you're supposed to get the it for me!
/ Dora: [[annoyedly referring to her pizza slice]] Yeah well I'm eating right now. You're a big boy, you can pour yourself a cup of coffee.
/ Man: You...I...Just... You know what? FINE. I'll get the damn coffee myself. / Man: [[from off panel]] There's not even any friggin change in the tip jar!
/ Dora: Well duh, how do you think we paid for this pizza? Just leave that twenty in the jar, we'll need lunch tomorrow too.
/ Marten: Man, you girls are cruel.
/ Faye: The weird thing is this guy still comes in every day.
/ Raven: I think he likes us because we give him something to be mad about for the rest of the day. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=375 |
| Number 375: And A Shot Of Bitchiness | [[In Coffee of Doom]]
/ Customer: Uh, excuse me...
/ Dora: Yeah? Whaddaya want? / Customer: Well, I'd like a cup of coffee.
/ Dora: Sure, help yourself.
/ Customer: What?
/ Dora: The coffee pot is behind the counter. You can get your change out of the tip jar. / Customer: What? You WORK here, you're supposed to get the it for me!
/ Dora: Yeah well I'm eating right now. You're a big boy, you can pour yourself a cup of coffee.
/ Customer: You...I...Just... You know what? FINE. I'll get the damn coffee myself. / Customer: There's not even any friggin' change in the tip jar!
/ Dora: Well duh, how do you think we paid for this pizza? Just leave that twenty in the jar, we'll need lunch tomorrow too.
/ Marten: Man, you girls are cruel.
/ Faye: The weird thing is this guy still comes in every day.
/ Raven: I think he likes us because we give him something to be mad about for the rest of the day. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=375# |
| Number 376: Holy, Shining Flower | Number 376: Holy, Shining Flower / Faye: < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=376 |
| Holy, Shining Flower | Faye: < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=376# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Number 377: To Say Nothing Of Her Hentai Collection / Marten: Man have you heard the new Album Leaf EP? It sounds like the soundtrack for a high-budget porno flick where all the actors are Apple Powerbooks.
/ Faye: "Warning: double-penetration of your Powerbook's FireWire port will void its warrenty and possibly give your computer herpes."
/ Dora: Ooh, sexy computer music? I am intrigued by this. / Marten: I could burn you a copy if you want.
/ Dora: How about you just upload it to my server? I can give you a login and a directory so we can share stuff.
/ Faye: I didn't know you knew that much about computery things. / Dora: Well, it's like I said before. I know just enough to get myself into trouble. Anyway Marten, I'll set up a folder tonight that you can FTP to.
/ Faye: Make sure you don't go poking around in her box. You might find scary things!
/ Marten: I think my double entendre gland just burst. / Dora: You don't need to worry about that, Marten. I keep all my furry erotica and Star Wars slash fiction locked tightly away where you won't accidentally come across it.
/ Faye: See? Scary things! Furry porn is like syphilis for your computer!
/ Marten: I think she's joking, Faye. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=377 |
| Number 377: To Say Nothing Of Her Hentai Collection | [[In Coffee of Doom]]
/ Marten: Man have you heard the new Album Leaf EP? It sounds like the soundtrack for a high-budget porno flick where all the actors are Apple Powerbooks.
/ Faye: "Warning: double-penetration of your Powerbook's FireWire port will void its warranty and possibly give your computer herpes."
/ Dora: Ooh, sexy computer music? I am intrigued by this. / Marten: I could burn you a copy if you want.
/ Dora: How about you just upload it to my server? I can give you a login and a directory so we can share stuff.
/ Faye: I didn't know you knew that much about computery things. / Dora: Well, it's like I said before. I know just enough to get myself into trouble. Anyway Marten, I'll set up a folder tonight that you can FTP to.
/ Faye: Make sure you don't go poking around in her box. You might find scary things!
/ Marten: I think my double-entendre gland just burst. / Dora: You don't need to worry about that, Marten. I keep all my furry erotica and Star Wars slash fiction locked tightly away where you won't accidentally come across it.
/ Faye: See? Scary things! Furry porn is like syphillis for your computer!
/ Marten: I think she's joking, Faye. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=377# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Title bar: Number 378: He's Done The Unthinkable / Faye: Woo! My shift is up!
/ Marten: Right on, we'd better get home and start packing.
/ Dora: Oh that's right, you guys are moving soon huh.
/ Marten: Yep. The apartment will actually be vacant tomorrow so we can start movin' stuff in then / Dora: Lucky you. I can just imagine Faye cracking a whip while you drag the couch up the stairs.
/ Faye: Oh, is tomorrow S&M night? Silly me, I had forgotten!
/ Marten: Crap, and my gimp mask is still at the cleaner's
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=378 |
| Number 378: He's Done The Unthinkable | FAYE: Woo! My shift is up!
/ MARTEN: Right on, we'd better get home and start packing.
/ DORA: Oh that's right. You guys are moving soon, huh.
/ MARTEN: Yep. The apartment will actually be vacant tomorrow so we can start movin' stuff in then. / DORA: Lucky you. I can just imagine Faye cracking a whip while you drag the couch up the stairs.
/ FAYE: Oh, is tomorrow S&M night? Silly me, I had forgotten!
/ MARTEN: Crap, and my gimp mask is still at the cleaner's. / DORA: Oh man, don't even joke about that. You two have enough of a dom/sub dynamic going as it is.
/ MARTEN: Hey, I can be assertive sometimes!
/ [[Marten smacks Faye's butt]] / [[Marten is lying on the floor. Faye's fists are raised in a post-punching position.]]
/ DORA: What's that expression, Faye? Surely it couldn't be remorse.
/ FAYE: Well obviously I had to visit horrific violence on him as a matter of principle, but I really admire the sheer audacity of smacking me on the ass. I'm torn.
/ MARTEN: I may have a fractured skull, but my point is proven! Also, did you see how her butt jiggled? Totally worth it. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=378# |
| 379: Like Kill Bill Meets Magnolia | TITLE BAR: Comic Number 379: Like Kill Bill Meets Magnolia / PANEL 1:
/ Marten: Man, I seriously think I might have a concussion.
/ Faye: Heh. You're lucky I didn't go all Five Fingers of Death on you. / PANEL 2: / Marten: Oh yeah? What's that?
/ Faye: I poke you five times, and then fifty years later you die alone and unloved in a nursing home.
/ Marten: Damn, do I at least get a fulfilling life before then?
/ Faye: Nope. You work at a Dunkin Donuts for the next forty years. / PANEL 3: / Marten: You do realize I slapped your butt in jest, right? I mean, I wasn't trying to feel you up or anything.
/ Faye: Oh, I know that silly. I must admit, it takes balls to pull something like that on lil' ol' me. / PANEL 4:
/ Marten: Heh, well I -
/ Faye: No, I'm serious Try that again and I will take your balls.
/ Marten: Gotcha. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=379 |
| Number 379: Like Kill Bill Meets Magnolia | [[Walking home]]
/ Marten: Man, I seriously think I might have a concussion.
/ Faye: Heh. You're lucky I didn't go all Five Fingers of Death on you. / Marten: Oh yeah? What's that?
/ Faye: I poke you five times, and then fifty years later you die alone and unloved in a nursing home.
/ Marten: Damn, do I at least get a fulfilling life before then?
/ Faye: Nope. You work at a Dunkin' Donuts for the next forty years. / Marten: You do realize I slapped your butt in jest, right? I mean, I wasn't trying to feel you up or anything.
/ Faye: Oh I know that, silly. I must admit, it takes balls to pull something like that on lil' ol' me. / Marten: Heh, well I-
/ Faye: No, I'm serious. Try that again and I will take your balls.
/ Marten: Gotcha. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=379# |
| Number 380: Movin' On Up | [[Ellen, Steve, Marten, and Faye in the hallway of their new apartment]]
/ Steve: Hey dude, what's up?
/ Marten: Oh hey, not much man. Just packing up. / Ellen: Oh, are you moving out soon?
/ Marten: Yep, we'll be semi-neighbors as of tomorrow, it looks like.
/ Ellen: Hooray! Steve can help you move stuff, then.
/ Steve: Hey, wait a minute. What's in it for me? / Ellen: He's your friend, you should help him out! Also, if you do a really good job, I promise I'll wear those little terrycloth shorts you seem to like so much.
/ Steve: Suddenly I feel the overwhelming urge to be altruistic.
/ Marten: Appealing to Steve's libido has always been more effective than appealing to his conscience. / Ellen: Hey Faye, wanna borrow a pair of my shorts tomorrow? They're comfy when you're doing manual labor and they give the boys a treat.
/ Faye: Why on earth would I want to do that?
/ Ellen: If you flaunt just a little T and A, they'll do all the work for you.
/ Faye: Wow. Cynical, calculating, and sexy. I like it! Clearly we are going to be good neighbors. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=380 |
| Number 381: I Hope That's Faye's Backpack | [[Faye and Marten, in their new aprtment, looking at all their unpacked stuff]]
/ Faye or Marten: [[off panel]] All right, I think that's everything.
/ Marten or Faye: [[off panel]] Life condensed and constrained by cardboard. / Faye: So are you going to miss this apartment?
/ Marten: Oh, I dunno. The new place is pretty nice. / Faye: You don't waste much time on nostalgia, do you.
/ Marten: Well, the past is the past. I can look back on that whenever I want to. Right now I'm more concerned with what lies ahead of us tomorrow. / Marten: By the way, have you seen Pintsize anywhere?
/ Faye: Yes. I packed him into a box.
/ Marten: The one with all the duct tape around it?
/ Faye: Yep! It is his kryptonite!
/ Pintsize: MMMF! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=381 |
| 382: I Could Not Resist The Metal Gear Joke | Marten: Come on, Solid Snake. Let's get you out of there.
/ Pintsize: HMMF! / Pintsize: GASP! AIR! HUH UH HUH UH HUH
/ Marten: Dude you don't even breathe. / Pintsize: That's not true. My intake fans need fresh air to keep my CPU cool.
/ Marten: Be that as it may, you need to help us clean up.
/ Faye: Do we have any spackle? Boy Exploserous Laser seems to have zapped a hole in the wall some time ago. / Marten: I suppose we could put Pintsize up on eBay to recoup the percentage of my security deposit he's going to cost me.
/ Faye: Are you kidding? Imagine the feedback. "BLEW UP REFRIGERATOR F-MINUS WOULD NOT BUY AGAIN"
/ Pintsize: Actually it's illegal to put AnthroPCs on sale online. You know, like toxic waste or nuclear weapons. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=382 |
| Number 383: Resistance Is Futile | [[Marten and Faye have fished packing in their old apartment]]
/ Marten: All right, I think we've got this place as clean as it's going to get.
/ Faye: Whoo! I'm bushed.
/ Marten: Yeah, we should probably get some sleep. Tomorrow's gonna be a busy day. / Faye: Ah, the last night I'll ever have to spend on this stupid ol' couch!
/ Marten: Well uh I hate to burst you bubble but we don't have a second bed for you yet, remember? / Faye: Oh, right. Drat.
/ Marten: Aww, well do you want my bed for the night? I can just sleep on the couch, it's cool. / Faye: Really? Can...can I have a pony too? Pleeeease?
/ Marten: The puppy-dog eyes will only get you so far, Faye.
/ Faye: *Pleeeeeeeease?*
/ Marten: Well I guess we could turn the second bedroom into a stable and DAMMIT STOP CONTROLLING MY BRAIN. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=383 |
| Number 384: Neon Genesis Pintsizelion | [[Faye and Marten in their old apartment getting ready to move]]
/ Faye: So are we all set?
/ Marten: Yup, Steve and Ellen should be here soon. Coffee? / Faye: Mmm, the nectar of the gods. Or at least the gods who are cranky in the morning.
/ Pintsize: So what can I help you guys with today?
/ Marten: Dude if you can just make it through the move without destroying anything that'll be good enough for me.
/ Pintsize: I can do that! / Faye: Somehow I don't think this is going to end well.
/ Marten: It's okay, we can just entrust him with non-fragile stuff, like pillows and blankets.
/ Pintsize: I will do my best not to smother anybody. / Faye: Are you kidding? He's like the MacGuyver of wanton destruction. I can see the headlines now: "Robot Armed With Down Comforter Levels Apartment Building, Holds Mayor Hostage."
/ Marten: I'd be _somewhat surprised_ if he managed to wreak that much havoc with a friggin' _blanket_.
/ Pintsize: Yeah, me too! That would be totally awes-- I MEAN AWFUL AND I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=384 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Numer 384: Neon Genesis Pinsizelion / Faye; So are we all set?
/ Marten; Yup, Steve and Ellen should be here soon. Cofee? / Faye; Mmm, the nectar of the gods.Or at least the gods who are cranky in the morning.
/ Pintisize; So what can I help you guys with today?
/ Marten; Dude if you could just make it through this move without destroying anything that'll be good enough for me.
/ Pintsize; I can do that. / Faye; Somehow I don't think this is going to end well.
/ Marten; It's ok, we can just entrust him with non-fragile stuff, like pillows and blankets.
/ Pintsize; I will do my best not to smother anybody. /
/ Faye; Are you kidding? He's like the MacGuyver of wanton destruction. I can see the headlines now: " Robot Armed With Down Comforter Levels Apartment Building, Holds Mayor Hostage."
/ Marten; I'd be somewhat surprised if he managed to wreak that much havoc with a friggin' blanket.
/ Pintisize; Yeah, me too! That would be tottally awes- I MEAN AWFUL AND I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=384# |
| Number 385: Who Wears Short Shorts | [[Steve and Ellen arive to help Faye and Marten move]]
/ Ellen: Hello!
/ Marten: Damn dude, she really wasn't kidding about those shorts, was she.
/ Steve: Yup. I am her willing slave now. / Faye: Hmf. I don't need tiny pants to make boys_my_ willing peons.
/ Ellen: Why rule through fear when you can rule through boners?
/ Faye: Point taken. If there's one thing boners don't like, it's an iron fist. / Ellen: Anyway, I brought these for you. [[lifting of another pair of shorts]] They should fit okay -- if anything they'll be a little tighter on you than on me.
/ Faye: [[recoiling in fear]] What?! Uh uh. No way am I putting those on!
/ Marten: Tell you what, Faye. You wear those and I'll put on a Speedo. It'll be fair! / Faye: Well great, now I have to decide which turns my stomach more -- dressing like an extra for a rap video or watching a nearly-nude man move furniture. And I don't even want to KNOW why you have a Speedo in the first place.
/ Marten: [[to Steve]] Dude are there really rap videos with chicks like Faye in them? We need to start watching MTV again.
/ Steve: Hmm? Sorry, I was too busy staring at my girlfriend's hot ass to pay attention.
/ Ellen: Hush, you.
/ Steve: Yes ma'am. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=385 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Hello!
/ Damn dude, she really wasn't kidding about those shorts, was she.
/ Yep. I am her willing slave now. / Hmf. I don't need tiny pants to make boys my willing peons.
/ Why rule through fear when you can rule through boners?
/ Point taken. If there's one thing boners don't like. it's an iron fist. / Anyway, I brought these for you. They should fit okay- if anything they'll be alittle tighter on you than on me.
/ What?! Uh uh. No way am I putting those on!
/ Tell you what, Faye. You wear those and I'll put on a Speedo. It'll be fair! / Well great, now I have to decide which turns my stomach more- dressing like an extra for a rap vidio or whatching a nearly nude man move furniture. And I don't even want to KNOW why you have a Speedo in the first place.
/ Dude are there really rap videos with chicks like Faye in them? We really need to start watching MTV again.
/ Hmm? Sorry, I was too busy staring at my girlfriend's hot ass to pay attention.
/ Hush, you.
/ Yes ma'am. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=385# |
| Nuber 386: Better Go To CVS Then | [[Ellen and Faye, in the old apartment. Ellen is trying to convince Faye to wear shorts]]
/ Ellen: Come on, Faye, lighten up just this once. You take everything way too seriously! Sometimes it's fun to cause car accidents when you walk down the street!
/ Faye: Well, I do enjoy it when my bottom causes major property damage... /
/ Faye: [[poking her head out of the bathroom]] Ellen there is no way I can go out in these things! "Short" is not a strong enough descriptive term!
/ Ellen: Oh stop being such a prude, I'm sure they look fine. Lemme come in and take a look. / Ellen: Holy moly! I'm not even interested in ladies and I want to smack that ass!
/ Faye: Great. You realize if I so much as sneeze it's going to be camel-toe city.
/ Ellen: Well you better take some Zyrtec then because those shorts look damn fine on you. / [[at that monet at the Coffee of Doom]]
/ reven: What's the matter, Dora?
/ Dora: You know how animals can sense a tsunami coming before humans notice? I'm like that, only for sexy things. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=386 |
| Number 387: Tungsten of Tushes | Faye: No no no! They must not see me like this!
/ Ellen: Well too bad for you then! Out you go! / Steve: Whoa, rawr!
/ Faye: Go ahead, get your laviscious commentin' over with already.
/ Marten: Wow Faye those shorts actually look really good on you.
/ Pintsize: I LIKE...BIG...BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE / Faye: Oh DO you.
/ Pintsize: Waugh! / Steve: You okay dude?
/ Marten: Sonic Hip Attacked!
/ Pintsize: It was like being hit by a freight train carrying eighty tons of SEX!
/ Faye: Damn straight. I am the depleted uranium of feminity. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=387 |
| Number 387: Tungsten Of Tushes | [[Ellen and Faye are in the bathroom, wearing really tight shorts.]]
/ Faye: No no no! They must not see me like this!
/ Ellen [[Pushing her towards the door]]: Well too bad for you then! Out you go! / [[Steve, Marten and Pintsize are waiting outside.]]
/ Steve: Whoa, rawr!
/ Faye [[Glaring at them]]: Go ahead, get your lascivious commentin' over with already.
/ Marten: Wow Faye those shorts actually look really good on you.
/ Pintsize: I LIKE...BIG...BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE / Faye: Oh DO you. [[knocks pintsize off the arm of the couch with her butt]]
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=387# |
| Questionable Content: To Say Nothing Of The Crisco Incident | TITLE BAR: Comic Number 338: To Say Nothing Of The Crisco Incident / PANEL 1 / Marten: I still think you should have kept the shorts on.
/ Faye: Heh, of course you do. / PANEL 2 / Steve: So where should we start putting stuff?
/ Marten: Just along that wall, I guess. We'll get everything in here and then start sorting it all out. / PANEL 3 / Ellen: Wow, this apartment is a lot nicer than mine.
/ Faye: Why, have they renovated since you moved in to yours? / PANEL 4 / Ellen: No, you just don't have my roommate. I swear, if I find a pair of her dirty underpants in the kitchen sink one more time...
/ Faye: You think that's bad? Try finding all your clean underwear in the kitchen sink, covered in motor oil.
/ Pintsize: Hey, that only happened ONE TIME and I said I was sorry.
/ Marten: You only apologized after I conclusively proved that I was at work and thus could not have been the culprit. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=388 |
| Questionable Content: Number 388: To Say Nothing Of The Crisco Incident | Marten: I still think you should have kept the shorts on.
/ Faye: Heh, of course you do. / Steve: So where should we start putting stuff?
/ Marten: Just along that wall, I guess. We'll get everything in here and then start sorting it all out.
/ Pintsize: New apartment! / Ellen: Wow, this apartment is a lot nicer than mine.
/ Faye: Why, have they renovated since you moved into yours? / Ellen: No, you just don't have my roommate. I swear, if I find a pair of her dirty underpants in the kitchen sink one more time...
/ Faye: You think that's bad? Try finding all of your clean underwear in the kitchen sink, covered in motor oil.
/ Pintsize: Hey, that only happened ONE TIME and I said I was sorry.
/ Marten: You only apologized after I conclusively proved that I was at work and thus could not have been the culprit. / {{title text: Number 388: To Say Nothing Of The Crisco Incident}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=388# |
| Questionable Content: Brother Faye | PANEL 1
/ Marten: Whew! Okay, the couch is officially moved in. What's left to bring over?
/ Faye: According to my list, just your dresser, a couple lamps, and my collection of exotic Japanese sex toys. / PANEL 2
/ Marten: Right on, gimme a couple minutes to catch my breath and we can go wait what was that last thing you said?
/ Faye: I was kidding, dummy. I own no sex toys, exotic, Asiatic, or otherwise.
/ Steve: You know as far as moves go, this one has been pretty easy. You two really don't have that much stuff. / PANEL 3
/ Faye: We live the lives of ascetic monks. Every morning we're up at six AM to pray and flog ourselves with reeds.
/ Marten: I then spend the rest of the day locked in a small box, atoning for my sins.
/ Steve: Yeah, my job feels like that sometimes too.
/ Pintsize: If that's the case I don't see why faye got all mad when I tried to give her a tonsure. / PANEL 4
/ Marten: Did you know there are monks in Belgium who brew their own beer?
/ Faye:Really? Do they accept ladies of doubtful moral fiber such as myself into their sacred, drunket order?
/ Steve: I can see it now. Faye beating up the other monks for peeking under her cassock, theratening the head abbot with a broken bottle, passed out in the priory...
/ Ellen: Do monks really go naked under their robes? They look so itchy!
/ Pintsize: I'm always naked! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=389 |
| Number 389: Brother Faye | [[At Marten and Faye's new apartment]]
/ Marten: Whew! Okay, the couch is officially moved in. What's left to bring over?
/ Faye: According to my list, just your dresser, a couple lamps, and my collection of exotic Japanese sex toys. / Marten: Right on, gimme a couple minutes to catch my breath and we can go wait what was that last thing you said?
/ Faye: I was kidding, dummy. I own no sex toys, exotic, Asiatic, or otherwise.
/ Steve: You know as far as moves go, this one has been pretty easy. You two really don't have that much stuff. / Faye: We live the lives of ascetic monks. Every morning we're up at six AM to pray and flog ourselves with reeds.
/ Marten: I then spend the rest of the day locked in a small box atoning for my sins.
/ Steve: Yeah, my job feels like that sometimes too.
/ Pintsize: If that's the case I don't see why Faye got all mad when I tried to give her a tonsure. / Marten: Did you know there are monks in Belgium who brew their own beer?
/ Faye: Really? do they accept ladies of doubtful moral fiber such as myself into their sacred, drunken order?
/ Steve: I can see it now. Faye beating up the other monks for peeking under her cassock, threatening the head abbot with a broken bottle, passed out in the priory...
/ Ellen: Do monks really go naked under their robes? They look so itchy!
/ Pintsize: I'm always naked! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=389# |
| Number 390: Not a Recommended Way of Cleaning | [[Marten, Faye, Ellen, and Steve in the new apartment]]
/ Marten: Well, that's everything.
/ Faye: How does beer and Chinese food sound to you guys?
/ Ellen: Mmm!
/ Steve: Like music to my ears. Or my stomach, I guess. / Faye: Okay, Ellen and I are in charge of ordering Chinese, you boys can go get us the alcomohols.
/ Marten: Roger that.
/ Ellen: Can I have some hard cider instead of icky beer please?
/ Steve: Your wish is my command. / Ellen: Oh, I should probably invite my roommate Natasha down if that's okay with you. I don't think she has anything to do tonight.
/ Faye: Hm. If she's as slovenly as you describe her I'm not sure I want her in my sparkly new apartment. / Ellen: We can just dunk her in rubbing alcohol and strike a match. The flames should burn off her outermost layer of filth.
/ Pintsize: Fire, filth and destruction? Clearly we are going to make good neighbours.
/ Faye: For future reference, whe he says something like that you can either ignore him entirely or just theaten him with an electromagnet. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=390 |
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