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| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Strip Number: 511}}
/ {{Title: Hell Hath No Fury}}
/ {{Characters: Faye, Dora}}
/ {{Date: December 13, 2005}} / [[Dora and Faye are behind the counter in Coffee of Doom]]
/ Dora: ...Wow, Faye. I'm so sorry. I mean, I figured you had issues, but I had no idea they were based on something THAT awful.
/ Faye: Yeah, I'd say "awful" is a pretty good descriptor. / [[2 customers (male and female) are behind the counter, Faye and Dora are behind the counter, Dora is at the coffee machine]]
/ Dora: So...you told Marten all this last night?
/ Faye: Yeah. I couldn't stand the thought of him wasting his time waiting for me to magically get better. So I told him I'm just not ready for a relationship anytime soon, and he shouldn't wait around for me. / [[Customers (girl) walk away with coffee, Faye and Dora are still behind the counter]]
/ Dora: I'm proud of you. You finally managed to open up to Marten and be really honest with him. That's commendable.
/ Faye: Thanks Dora. I'm just trying to be a better person than I've been in the past, that's all.
/ Dora: That doesn't diminish the fact that you did the right thing. That being said... / [[Dora, angry, starts punching Faye, who is cringing away, all behind the counter at Coffee of Doom]]
/ Dora: You IDIOT! Why the hell did you string him along for so long if you were just gonna let him down in the end?! The damn boy will be afraid of girls for the rest of his life now! THE WORLD HAS PLENTY OF CUTE, SKINNY HOMOSEXUAL MEN AS IT IS! WE DON'T NEED HIM TO JOIN THEM!
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=511 |
| Hell Hath No Fury | Dora: ...Wow, Faye. I'm so sorry. I mean, I figured you had issues, but I had no idea they were based on something THAT awful.
/ Faye: Yeah, I'd say "awful" is a pretty good descriptor. / Dora: So...you told Marten all this last night?
/ Faye: Yeah. I couldn't stand the thought of him wasting his time waiting for me to magically get better. So I told him I'm just not ready for a relationship anytime soon, and he shouldn't wait around for me. / Dora: I'm proud of you. You finally managed to open up to Marten and be really honest with him. That's commendable.
/ Faye: Thanks Dora. I'm just trying to be a better person than I've been in the past, that's all.
/ Dora: That doesn't diminish the fact that you did the right thing. That being said... / Dora: You IDIOT! Why the hell did you string him along for so long if you were just gonna let him down in the end?! The damn boy will be afraid of girls for the rest of his life now! THE WORLD HAS PLENTY OF CUTE, SKINNY HOMOSEXUAL MEN AS IT IS! WE DON'T NEED HIM TO JOIN THEM!
/ [[Dora punches Faye repeatedly.]]
/ Faye: Ow ow ow! Stoppit! I'm sorry! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=511# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Dora: Look, I'm sorry I hit you. You're my friend, you know that, but sometimes you really try my patience. This thing with you and Marten...I dunno. I just wish you'd told him sooner. I mean, not assuming you COULD, but --
/ Faye: I know, Dora. If I didn't think I deserved those punches, you'd be in several different pieces on the floor by now. / Dora: So are you worried that things are going to be weird between you and Marten now? I mean, you do live together.
/ Faye: I honestly don't know. I hope not. But it just felt like I had to take that risk and get everything out of my system or it would have gotten weird eventually anyway. / Dora: Yeah, I know what you mean. How are you feeling?
/ Faye: I feel okay, oddly enough. I was expecting this to be much more traumatic than it actually is. I'm worried about Marty though. I hope he's all right. / Marten: Come on Steve, we're going out drinking.
/ Steve: Dude, it's like 1 in the afternoon. What's up?
/ Marten: Faye and I had a little "chat" last night.
/ Steve: Hang on, lemme get my coat. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=512 |
| Questionable Content: Number 512: He Just Knows | {{Number 512: He Just Knows}} / DORA: Look, I'm sorry I hit you. You're my friend, you know that, but sometimes you really try my patience. This thing with you and Marten...I dunno, I just wish you'd told him sooner. I mean, not assuming you COULD, but -
/ FAYE: I know, Dora, it's okay. If I didn't think I deserved those punches, you'd be in several different pieces on the floor by now. / DORA: So are you worried that things are gonna be weird between you and Marten now? I mean, you do live together.
/ FAYE: I honestly don't know. I hope not. But it just felt like I had to take that risk and get everything out of my system or it all would have gotten weird anyway. / DORA: Yeah, I know what you mean. How are you feeling?
/ FAYE: I feel okay, oddly. I was expecting this to be much more traumatic than it actually is. I'm worried about Marty though, I hope he's okay. / [[Outside Steve's apartment]] / MARTEN: Come on Steve, we're going out drinking.
/ STEVE: Dude, it's like 1 in the afternoon, what's up?
/ MARTEN: Faye and I had a little "chat" last night.
/ STEVE: Hang on, lemme get my coat. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=512# |
| Questionable Content 513: It Is Good | Hey Jimbo.
/ Hey dude, long time no see! What
/ brings you 'round these parts? / Meh, girl trouble.
/ Shit man, me too.
/ Fuckin' women.
/ What happened
/ to you?
/ Well, you know how I was writin'
/ some romance novels? Fuckin'
/ rakin' in the dough? / Turns out the lady I was seein' at
/ the time was married. To my publisher.
/ Oh shit, and you
/ didn't know?
/ Naw, I knew. I'm just
/ pissed I got caught. / How'd you get
/ caught?
/ Well me an' my publisher got into a fight and I showed him a picture of me
/ an' his wife in their jacuzzi. I still got it in my wallet, wanna see?
/ I want to see it even less than I
/ want to know why you still have it
/ in your wallet.
/ Heh. If you ever got a lady to do what
/ she's doin' to me in that picture, you'd
/ want a keepsake too.
/ Jesus CHRIST do I need a drink
/ right now. To throw in my EYES. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=513 |
| Number 513: It Is Good | [[At the "Weeping Demon" bar]]
/ Marten: Hey Jimbo.
/ Jimbo: Hey dude, long time no see! What brings you 'round these parts? / Marten: Meh, girl trouble.
/ Jimbo: Shit man, me too. Fuckin' women.
/ Marten: What happened to you?
/ Jimbo: Well you know how I was writin' me some romance novels? Fuckin' rakin' in the dough? / Jimbo: Turns out the lady I was seein' at the time was married. To my publisher.
/ Marten: Oh shit, and you didn't know?
/ Jimbo: Naw, I knew. I'm just pissed I got caught. / Steve: How'd you get caught?
/ Jimbo: Well me an' my publisher got into a fight and I showed him a picture of me an' his wife in their jacuzzi. I still got it in my wallet, wanna see?
/ Marten: I want to see it even less than I want to know why you still have it in your wallet.
/ Jimbo: Heh. If you ever got a lady to do what she's doin' to me in that picture, you'd want a keepsake too.
/ Marten: Jesus CHRIST do I need a drink right now. To throw in my EYES. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=513# |
| Melville | 1 / Marten: ...So she's all "don't waste your time waiting for me" and I'm all "but what if I
/ want to" and she's all "no". / Jimbo: Aw shit hell man, that sucks. /
/ 2 / Steve: Well, you know what that means, right? You're free! / Marten: What are you talking about? / Steve: Other chicks, man! There's plenty of fish in the sea! Stop chasing your white whale
/ and go see what else is out there! / Marten: Okay, sure. Watch this. /
/ 3 / Marten: Hi, my name's Marten. What's yours? / Jenny: Uh, Jenny. / Marten: Nice to meet you, Jenny. The girl I'm crazy about told me yesterday that
/ we can't get together because she's too emotionally fucked up to handle
/ it. Oh, and we're currently living together. / So, can I get your phone number instead? I mean, there's a lot of fish in the sea, right? /
/ 4 / Marten: Hey whaddaya know, she left. / Steve: Are you trying to prove a point or just be a smartass? / Marten: All I'm saying is you can't just up and convert a whaling ship into a deep-sea trawler overnight. / Jimbo: All these nautical metaphors're makin' me queasy. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=514 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Number 514: Melville}} / [[Interior bar. Marten sits at the bar talking to Jimbo.]]
/ Marten: ...So she's all "don't waste your time waiting for me" and I'm all "but what if I want to" and she's all "no".
/ Jimbo: Aw shit hell man, that sucks. / [[Cell pans to Steve and Marten. Steve makes a "free" open-arms motion.]]
/ Steve: Well, you know what that means, right? You're free!
/ Marten: What are you talking about?
/ Steve: Other chicks, man! There's plenty of fish in the sea! Stop chasing your white whale and go see what else is out there!
/ Marten: Okay, sure. Watch this. / [[Marten walks up to a random girl in the bar.]]
/ Marten: Hi, my name's Marten. What's yours?
/ Jenny: Uh, Jenny.
/ Marten: Nice to meet you, Jenny. The girl I'm crazy about told me yesterday that we can't get together because she's too emotionally fucked up to handle it. Oh, and we're currently living together.
/ Marten: So, can I get your phone number instead? I mean, there's a lot of fish in the sea, right? / [[Marten walks back to Steve and Jimbo at the bar.]]
/ Marten: Hey whaddaya know, she left.
/ Steve: Are you trying to prove a point or just be a smartass?
/ Marten: All I'm saying is you can't just up and convert a whaling ship into a deep-sea trawler overnight.
/ Jimbo: All these nautical metaphors're makin' me queasy. / {{Copyright 2003-2006 J. Jacques}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=514# |
| Number 515: Smokin' In the Boys' Room? | PANEL 1
/ Marten: Hurr, bee arr bee. Gotta pee.
/ Steve: I'll be you do. We've been drinkin' for like six hours.
/ Marten: Th' path to drunken obliviousness is best walked at a slow pace, sayeth the wise man.
/ Steve: If by "wise man" you mean "the wino in the alley 'round back". Try not to pass out in the bathroom, champ. / PANEL 2
/ Smoking Girl: You know, I couldn't help overhearing your little sob story at the bar.
/ Marten: S'not a sob story. S'what happened to me.
/ Smoking Girl: Well, you had to know what you were getting into, to SOME extent. / PANEL 3
/ Marten: How d'you figure? An' who're you to go judgin' me anyway?
/ Smoking Girl: I'm a woman, and I've seen plenty of guys do just what you've done to yourself. Part of you likes the impossibility of the situation. You like not being able to do anything to change things for the better, because you're afraid.
/ Marten: 'Fraid? 'Fraid of what?
/ Smoking Girl: Change. / PANEL 4
/ Marten: Well thankyou [sic] for the insight, Princess Psychoanalystica. Got any more tidbits of wisdom for me?
/ Smoking Girl: Just one: you're in the ladies' room.
/ Marten: I was wonderin' what you were doin' in here.
/ Smoking Girl: Watching you pee in the sink, apparently.
/ Marten: I thought this was a funny-lookin' urinal. http://questionablecontent.net//view.php?comic=515 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Number 515: Smokin' In The Boys' Room?}}
/ [[in a bar, empty beer glasses are on the table]]
/ Martin: Hurr, bee arr bee. Gotta pee.
/ Steve: I'll bet you do. We've been drinkin' for six hours.
/ Martin: Th' path to drunken obliviousness is best walked at a slow pace, sayeth the wise man.
/ Steve: If by "wise man" you mean "the wino in the alley 'round back". Try not to pass out in the bathroom, champ. / [[bathroom, a blond haired girl with several ear piercings is smoking]]
/ Bathroom Girl: You know, I couldn't help hearing your little sob story at the bar.
/ Martin: S'not a sob story. S'what happened to me.
/ Bathroom Girl: Well, you had to know what you were getting into, to SOME extent. / Martin: How d'you figure? An' who're you to go judgin' me anyway?
/ Bathroom Girl: I'm a woman, and I've seen plenty of guys do just what you've done to yourself. Part of you likes the impossibility of the situation. You like not being able to do anything to change things for the better, because you're afraid.
/ Martin: 'Fraid? 'Fraid of what?
/ Bathroom Girl: Change. / Martin: Well thankyou for the insight, Princess Psychoanalystica. Got any more tidbits of wisdom for me?
/ Bathroom Girl: Just one: you're in the ladies' room.
/ Martin: I was wonderin' what you were doin' in here.
/ Bathroom Girl: Watching you pee in the sink, apparently.
/ Martin: I thought this was a funny-looking urinal. / {{Copyright 2003-2005 J. Jacques}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=515 |
| Number 515: Smokin' in the Boys' Room? | [[At the bar]]
/ Marten: Hurr, bee arr bee. Gotta pee.
/ Steve: I'll be you do. We've been drinkin' for like six hours.
/ Marten: Th' path to drunken obliviousness is best walked at a slow pace, sayeth the wise man.
/ Steve: If by "wise man" you mean "the wino in the ally 'round back". Try not to pass out in the bathroom, champ. / [[In the bathroom]]
/ Unknown woman (Hannelore): You know, I couldn't help overhearing your little sob story at the bar.
/ Marten: S'not a sob story. S'what happened to me.
/ Unknown woman (Hannelore): Well you had to know what your were getting into, to SOME extent. / Marten: How d'you figure? An' who're you to go judgin' me anyway?
/ Unknown woman (Hannelore): I'm a woman, and I've seen plenty of guys do just what you've done to yourself. Part of you likes the impossibility of the situation. You like not being able to do anything to change things for the better, because you're afraid.
/ Marten: 'Fraid? 'Fraid of what?
/ Unknown woman (Hannelore): Change. / Marten: Well thankyou for the insight Princess Psychoanalystica. Got any more tidbits of wisdome for me?
/ Unknown woman (Hannelore): Just one: you're in the ladies' room.
/ Marten: I was wonderin' what you were doin' in here.
/ Unknown woman (Hannelore): Watching you pee in ths sink, apparently.
/ Marten: I thought this was a funny-lookin' urinal. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=515# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | That's so sad!
/ Silly little empath, it's okay. Don't cry, I'll be fine. Eventually.
/ I told you she'd cry if you told her the whole story. Raven still doesn't know the truth about Bambi's mother. / No sign of Marten today. That's weird, but I suppose it's to be expected.
/ He's probably out drinking with Steve. Lord knows I could use a drink right now. / Well, let's go out after we close up! We can have a ladies' night out to keep you distracted from your emo-ness.
/ That's not a bad idea. I should probably stop by the apartment to leave Marty a note so he knows I didn't run off and kill myself or something.
/ Ooh, ladies night! I am totally a lady! / If I remember correctly, my brother is doing his weekly acoustic set over at the Purple Opossum tonight. We should go, he'd be tickled to see us.
/ You mean Sven? Mmm, I'm glad I wore my fancy Victoria's Secret underpants today.
/ Dora, there's a gleam in Raven's eye that I could only describe as predatory. You may want to keep a close eye on your brother tonight. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=516 |
| Number 516: She's Got The Look | [[In Coffee of Doom]]
/ Raven: That's so sad!
/ Faye: Silly little empath, it's okay. Don't cry, I'll be fine. Eventually.
/ Dora: I told you she'd cry if you told her the whole story. Raven still doesn't know the truth about Bambi's mother. / Dora: No sign of Marten today. That's weird, but I suppose it's to be expected.
/ Faye: He's probably out drinking with Steve. Lord knows I could use a drink right now. / Dora: Well, let's go out after we close up! We can have a ladies' night out to keep you distracted from your emo-ness.
/ Faye: That's not a bad idea. I should probably stop by the apartment and leave Marty a note so he knows I didn't run off and kill myself or something.
/ Raven: Ooh, ladies' night! I am totally a lady! / Dora: If I remember correctly, my brother is doing his weekly acoustic set over at the Purple Opossum tonight. We should go, he'd be tickled to see us.
/ Raven: You mean Sven? Mmm, I'm glad I wore my fancy Victoria's Secret underpants today.
/ Faye: Dora, there's a gleam in Raven's eye that I could only describe as predatory. You may want to keep a close eye on your brother tonight. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=516# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Steve: Who's that?
/ Marten: Meh, some girl who was givin' me shit in the bathroom.
/ Steve: Not literally, I hope.
/ Unnamed girl: I was just offering your friend here a little constructive criticism on his current personal situation. / Steve: I don't know how you do it man. You're the only dude I know who can go take a piss and come back with a hot girl all up in his business.
/ Unnamed girl: Hot? Me? Clearly the beer goggles are on, and I think you need a new prescription.
/ Marten: Man I dunno why she's talkin' to me, I was just mindin' my own business when she's all "blah blah blah I overheard your conversation bloo blee bloo". / Unnamed girl: The only reason I'm all up in your "grill" is because you were blathering your story to the whole bar. Which at the time consisted of me, you two, and your passed-out redneck friend over there.
/ Marten: Jimbo passed out?
/ Steve: Yeah, didn't you notice?
/ Marten: I was wondering why he was being so quiet.
/ Unnamed girl: Besides, I haven't slept in something like four days, so this all might be a hallucination anyway. / Marten: Why haven't you slept in four days?
/ Unnamed girl: I've been busy counting the hairs on my head. I got up to 10,456 and decided to come down here for a break. Or maybe I just hallucinated coming down here for a break. Either way, here I am! Maybe!
/ Steve: Wow, from a hot chick in denial of her issues to an overtly crazy one. You're really moving up in the world, Marten. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=517 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Marten drunk and coming back to see Steve after meeting Hannelore in the girl's bathroom]]
/ Steve: Who's that?
/ Marten: Meh, some girl who was givin' me shit in the bathroom.
/ Steve: Not literally, I hope.
/ Hannelore: I was just offering your friend here a little constructive criticism on his current personal situation. / Steve: I don't know how you do it, man. You're the only dude I know who can go take a piss and come back with a hot girl all up in his business.
/ Hannelore: Hot? Me? Clearly the beer goggles are on, and I think you need a new prescription.
/ Marten: Man I dunno why she's talkin' to me, I was just mindin' my own business when she's all "blah blah blah I overheard your conversation bloo blee bloo". / Hannelore: The only reason I'm all up in your "grill" is because you were blathering your story to the whole bar. Which at the time consisted of me, you two, and your passed-out redneck friend over there.
/ Marten: Jimbo passed out?
/ Steve: Yeah, didn't you notice?
/ Marten: I was wondering why he was being so quiet.
/ Hannelore: Besides, I haven't slept in something like four days, so this all might be a hallucination anyway. / Marten: Why haven't you slept in four days?
/ Hannelore: I've been busy counting the hairs on my head. I got up to 10,456 and decided to come down here for a break. Or maybe I just halluncinated coming down here for a break. Either way, here I am! Maybe!
/ Steve: Wow, from a hot chick in denial of her issues to an overtly crazy one. You're really moving up in the world, Marten. / {{Goddess Of Sleep Madness}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=517# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | I like your coat, Dora. You're one pair of Ray-Bans short of a Matrix film.
/ Thppt.
/ I wear sunglasses at night, so I can so I can hmm hmmmm hmm hmmmm.... / I'm surprised you know that song, Raven.
/ I do! It's by Corey...uh...Corey...Feldman?
/ No, he was in the Goonies.
/ Are they a band? I think I've seen their shirts in Hot Topic. / How the hell can someone your age have missed out on the cultural touchstone that is The Goonies?
/ I dunno, I wasn't into music much when I was younger.
/ Listening to the two of you have a conversation is like watching a cat and a dog attempt to communicate via semaphore. / Raven, the Goonies was a kids' adventure movie back in the eighties.
/ Oh, I see. Did everyone in that movie wear their sunglasses at night?
/ No, that was the Matrix.
/ I thought we were talking about the Goonies.
/ We are.
/ The Goonies are the Matrix!
/ Ssh! I never saw the third movie, don't spoil the ending for me!
/ There wasn't a third Goonies movie, they only made one.
/ NURRRR SO CONFUSED NURRRR http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=518 |
| Number 518: Corey Hart, Actually | [[Outside, at night, walking to the Purple Opossom]]
/ Faye: I like your coat, Dora. You're one pair of Ray-Bans short of a Matrix film.
/ Dora: Thppt.
/ Raven: I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can so I can hmm hmmmmmm hm hmmmm.... / Faye: I'm surprised you know that song, Raven.
/ Raven: I do! It's by Corey... uh...Corey...Feldman?
/ Dora: No, he was in the Goonies.
/ Raven: Are they a band? I think I've seen their shirts in Hot Topic. / Faye: How the hell can someone your age have missed out on the cultural touchstone that is The Goonies?
/ Raven: I dunno, I wasn't into music much when I was younger.
/ Dora: Listening to the two of you have a conversation is like watching a cat and a dog attempt to communicate via semaphore. / Faye: Raven, the Goonies was a kids' adventure movie back in the eighties.
/ Raven: Oh, I see. Did everyone in that movie wear their sunglasses at night?
/ Faye: No, that was the Matrix.
/ Raven: I thought we were talking about the Goonies.
/ Faye: We are.
/ Dora: The Goonies are the Matrix!
/ Raven: Ssh! I never saw the third movie, don't spoil the ending for me!
/ Faye: There wasn't a third Goonies movie, they only made one.
/ Raven: NURRRR SO CONFUSED NURRRR http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=518# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: So what kind of music does your brother play here? Are we in for countrified yowling and bashed A-minor cords?
/ Dora: Not unless someone shouts "Freebird!" at him.
/ Raven: There he is! / Sven: Evening everyone, I'm Sven Bianchi and I"m here to play you some pleasant songs about ladies and other ladies. / Sven: This first little number's entitled "Saw You In a Coffee...uh...Coffee...wow. Hi there." / [[Raven lifts up her shirt and flashes Sven]] / Dora: Raven you have three seconds to put those away before I rip them off and smother you to death with them.
/ Raven: Three seconds is plenty long enough.
/ Faye: You're one to talk. Still, if we get kicked out of here before I get any drinks in me, I'm gonna be pissed. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=519 |
| Number 519: Merry Christmas | 591
/ [[At the Purple Opossom Bar]]
/ Faye: So what kind of music does your brother play here? Are we in for countrified yowling and bashed A-minor chords?
/ Dora: Not unless someone shouts "Freebird!" at him.
/ Raven: There he is! / Sven [[onstage]]: Evening everyone. I'm Sven Bianchi and I'm here to play you some pleasant songs about ladies and other ladies.
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=519# |
| Hblughlaghl | Woman: ...So yeah, I've got some pretty severe OCD. Counting things repeatedly, washing my heands all the time, the standard stuff. Been in therapy since I was like eleven.
/ Marten: Oh, is that what you were doing in the bathroom? Washing your hands?
/ Woman: I was going to, but then you peed in the sink.
/ Steve: Oh man, I was supposed to call Ellen like ten minutes ago and I'm gonna be in deep shit if I don't get in touch with her soon. / Steve: Can you make it home okay if I leave you by yourself?I left my cellphone at home and I promised her I'd call.
/ Marten: Sure thing, Captain Manbitch of the SS Whipped. Run home to your mistress.
/ Woman: Hah! / Steve: This from the guy drinking his liver into foie gras over a lady he's not even dating. Keep an eye on him for me, wiull ya?
/ Woman: Who, me? But I'm CRAAZY, remember? I might turn his scalp into a lampshade for all you know. / Steve: Meh, Marten wouldn't mind. He's like a male praying mantis- you can chew his head off as long as he gets to feel some boobies in return.
/ Marten: Man, I'd be the worst praying mantis ever. "Oh sure, you can bite my head off without mating with me, I understand. You have ISSUES."
/ Woman: Hey, I wouldn't be all that great myself. "Oh sure, you can mate with me once I've finsihed grooming my claws and OH GOD A PIECE OF APHID IS STUCK TO THEM I HAVE TO GO BOIL MYSELF AAGH" http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=520 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Hannelore: ...So yeah, I've got some pretty severe OCD. Counting things repeatedly, washing my hands all the time, the standard stuff. Been in therapy since I was like eleven.
/ Marten: Oh, is that what you were doing in the bathroom? Washing your hands?
/ Hannelore: I was going to, but then you peed in the sink.
/ Steve: Oh man, I was supposed to call Ellen like ten minutes ago and I'm gonna be in deep shit if I don't get in touch with her soon. / Steve: Can you make it home okay if I leave you by yourself? I left my cellphone at home and I promised her I'd call.
/ Marten: Sure thing, Captain Manbitch of the SS Whipped. Run home to your mistress.
/ Hannelore: Hah! / Steve: This from the guy drinkng his liver into foie gras over a lady he's not even dating. Keep an eye on him for me, will ya?
/ Hannelore: Who, me? But I'm CRAAZY, remember? I might turn his scalp into a lampshade for all you know. / Steve: Meh, Marten wouldn't mind. He's like a male praying mantis- you can chew his head off as long as he gets to feel some boobies in return.
/ Marten: Man, I'd be the worst praying mantis ever. "Oh sure, you can bite my head off without mating with me, I understand. You have ISSUES."
/ Hannelore: Hey, I wouldn't be all that great myself. "Oh sure, you can mate with me once I've finished grooming my claws and OH GOD A PIECE OF APHID IS STUCK TO THEM I HAVE TO GO BOIL MYSELF AAGH" http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=520# |
| Questionable Content 521: Those Are Not Words | ...So then WHAM! Forehead to the testicles. Then she puked in my lap.
/ Wow, you sure do have good luck with the ladies. Specifically that one. / Speaking of "that one", I'd better get home so she can beat me up or something.
/ Aww, you're no fun. Wouldn't you rather come back to my place with me and play some Scrabble? / Uh, like for-real Scrabble, or is that a euphemism for something else?
/ What? No! Scrabble! Sex is for no. Too many fluids and germs and sweat and ew. Totally yuck. Ew. / My life in a nutshell: I go out to a bar, have some drinks, and start talking to a girl I don't know who wants to take me back to her place, not for crazy drunken sex, but so she can kick my drunk ass at Scrabble.
/ I also slipped a roofie into your last drink. You'll all be spellin' "murmule" and "burngsu" and "rmnxtw" and you won't even remember it tomorrow morning. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=521 |
| No. 521: Those Are Not Words | [[Bar]]
/ Marten: ... So then WHAM! Forehead to the testicles. Then she puked in my lap.
/ Hannelore: Wow, you sure do have good luck with the ladies. Specifically that one. / Maten: Speaking of "that one", I'd better get home so she can beat me up or something.
/ Hannelore: Aww, you're no fun. Wouldn't you rather come back to my place and play some Scrabble? / Marten: Uh, like for-real Scrabble, or is that a euphemism for something else?
/ Hannelore: What? No! Scrabble! Sex is for no. Too many fluiods and germs and sweat and ew. Totally yuck. Ew. / Marten: My life in a nutshell: I go out to a bar, have some drinks, and start talking to a girl I don't know who wants to take me back to her place, not for crazy drunken sex, but so she can kick my drunk ass at Scrabble.
/ Hannelore: I also slipped a roofie into your last drink. You'll be all spellin' "murmle" and "burngsu" and "rmnxtw" and you won't even remember it tomorrow morning. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=521# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | TITLE BAR: 522: Faces of Death / TRANSCRIPT: / Dora: Good show, big brother. I especially liked the part where you called Isaac Brock a "cranky little bitch".
/ Sven: Well, if he had stopped heckling me when I asked him to, I wouldn't have had to do that. I swear, you get three beers in that guy and suddenly opinions are like kittens and he's givin' them away. / Raven: Hi, you have a really pretty voice.
/ Sven: Thanks, you have really pretty, uh ... chest. / Raven: Well, if you'd like to see more of it sometime, I could give you my number....
/ Sven: You know, I'd love to but I can't. Really. / Raven: Why not?!
/ Sven: Dora's giving me her "no" look. You do not mess with Dora's "no" look.
/ Faye: It's true! A customer of ours messed with it once. The police never found his body and now his whole family has cancer. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=522 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Dora: Good show, big brother. I especially liked the part where you called Isaac Brock a "cranky little bitch".
/ Sven: Well, if he had stopped heckling me when I asked him to, I wouldn't have had to do that. I swear, you get three beers in that guy and suddenly opinions are like kittens and he's givin' them away. / Raven: Hi, you have a really pretty voice.
/ Sven: Thanks, you have a really pretty, uh...chest. / Raven: Well, if you'd like to see more of it sometime, I could give you my number...
/ Sven: You know, I'd love to but I can't. Really. / Raven: Why not?!
/ Sven: Dora's giving me her "no" look. You do not mess with Dora's "no" look.
/ Faye: It's true! A customer of ours messed with it once. The police never found his body and now his whole family has cancer. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=522# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Number 523: I Would Be Terrible At That Job
/ [[Marten and Blonde Chick are walking to her apartment]] / Blonde Chick: So what do you do for a living?
/ Marten: Well, I'm currently working as an office bitch, but...I dunno. I'm starting to think that maybe i could do something I actually like for a living instead. / Blonde Chick: Oh you totally can. You'd be surprised how many people actually pull that off.
/ Marten: What about you? What do you do?
/ Blonde Chick: I count stuff. / Marten: You count stuff? For money?
/ Blonde Chick: Yep! I have a website where if you have a whole bunch of stuff to count and you don't feel like doing it, you email me and I'll count it for you. I have very reasonable rates based on time, amount of material to be counted, and difficulty of counting said objects. / Marten: That's crazy. What's the weirdest thing you've ever had to tabulate?
/ Blonde Chick: Toss-up between the scientists at Harvard who wanted to know how many grains were in an average cubic centimeter of sand and the lady who wanted me to count her husband's back hairs to prove a point in an argument. http://questionablecontent.net//view.php?comic=523 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | So what do you do for a living?
/ Well, I'm currently working as an office bitch, but...I dunno. I'm starting to think that maybe I could do something I actually like for a living instead. / Oh, you totally can. You'd be surprised how many people actually pull that off.
/ What about you? What do you do?
/ I count stuff. / You...count stuff? Like, for money?
/ Yep! I have a website where if you have a whole bunch of stuff to count and you don't feel like doing it, you email me and I'll count it for you. I have very reasonable rates based on time, amount of material to be counted, and difficulty of counting said objects. / That's crazy. What's the weirdest thing you've ever had to tabulate?
/ Toss-up between the scientists at Harvard who wanted to know how many grains were in an average cubic centimeter of sand and the lady who wanted me to count her husband's back hairs to prove a point in an argument. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=523 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | outside of the freezer. whamming noises coming from within. / freezer door flies open, and out falls pintside, and waffles. / pintsize and waffles leaning against fridge.
/ pintsize says "Curses! HOURS in there and I STILL don't have mutant ice powers." / pintsize is having imaginary conversation with waffles
/ pintsize: " Sorry waffles, you can't be my sidekick until I have some superhero powers to fight crime with. / then there is a pause as if the waffles are saying something.
/ my assumption is that the waffles say something like "what about waffle powers" with the reply of "what? "waffle powers?" Somehow I don't see "soaking up syrup" pr "browning in a toaster" getting us a lot of hot supervilian ladies." http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=524 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Kitchen with a fridge]]
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=524# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Download of "525.png" failed!]] http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=525 |
| Funny Ha Ha | Hannelore: Well, here we are. I hope you've got the better part of a dictionary memorized because I'm about to kick some Scrabble ass.
/ Marten: Wait, you live in this building? / Hannelore: Yes, why?
/ Marten: This is my apartment building. I live here too.
/ Hannelore: Really! What a funny coincidence. / Marten: That's one hell of a coincidence. You meething me at a bar and striking up a conversation and just happenin' to live at the same place.
/ Hannelore: Yeah, it really is... UNLESS I'VE BEEN STALKING YOU FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS WITHOUT YOU REALIZING IT MUA HA HA HA HA / Hannelore: That was, uh, meant to be funny, not sound really creepy and insane.
/ Marten: Meh, stalking'd be pretty much par for the course as far as my social life is concerned.
/ Hannelore: In a way, your resignation is even creepier than my poor taste in humor. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=525# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Sven: So what brings you lovely ladies out to see me play tonight?
/ Dora: We're attempting to keep Faye's mind occupied. She and Marten had a bit of a dramatic interlude last evening.
/ Faye: Okay, let's hit the bar. Remeber, jiggle your boobs a little and the bartender might give us an extra shot free of charge.
/ Raven: Yes, sensei. / Sven: Oh really. Shall I saunter over to the bar and give her something to really occupy her mind with, then?
/ Dora: First of all EWW, and second of all NO. She's done enough damage to Marten as it is, the last thing I need is you getting involved. / Sven: Well if they're not gettin' it on, doesn't that free you up to move in on this dude?
/ Dora: I dunno. He's probably a wreck right now. I don't want to be a rebound fuck, you know what I mean? / Sven: Hey now, some of my best relationships started out as rebound sex.
/ Dora: You must be using a different definition of "relationship" than I am.
/ Sven: My definition involves guilty bangin' and insincere promises to call the next day.
/ Dora: Sounds like you're also using a different definition of "best". http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=526 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Sven: So what brings you lovely ladies out to see me play tonight?
/ Dora: We're attempting to keep Faye's mind occupied. She and Marten had a bit of a dramatic interlude last evening.
/ Faye: Okay, let's hit the bar. Remember, jiggle your boobs a little and the bartender might give us an extra shot free of charge.
/ Raven: Yes, sensei. / Sven: Oh really. Shall I saunter over to the bar and give her something to really occupy her mind with, then?
/ Dora: First of all EWW, and second of all NO. She's done enough damage to Marten as it is, the last thing I need is you getting invovled. / Sven: Well if they're not gettin' it on, doesn't that free you up to move in on this dude?
/ Dora: I dunno. He's probably a wreck right now. I don't want to be a rebound fuck, you know what I mean? / Sven: Hey now, some of my best relationships started out as rebound sex.
/ Dora: You must be using a different definition of "relationship" than I am.
/ Sven: My definition invovles guilty bangin' and insincere promises to call the next day.
/ Dora: Sounds like you're also using a different definition of "best". http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=526# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[inside OCD girl's apartment]]
/ Marten: Wow, your place is really...minimal.
/ OCD girl: I think you mean "empty". It's easier for me not to fixate on cleaning if I don't have much stuff to clean. / [[cut to Marten pointing to a giant iPod on a table]]
/ Winslow: Salutations!
/ Marten: Uh, is that a talking, oversized iPod?
/ OCD girl: Haven't you seen one of these yet? It's Apple's new AnthroPC. His name is Winslow. I just got him the other day. / Marten: He's pretty cute. I've got an AnthroPC downstairs, actually -
/ OCD girl: Pintsize, right?
/ Marten: Uh, yeah. How'd you know his name? / OCD girl: [[patting Winslow]] He keeps logging on to my ethernet and taunting Winslow.
/ Winslow: After the third or fourth horse porn image I had to block my ports.
/ Marten: Oh, that's not him taunting you. That's his idea of a welcome gift. Instead of a basket with wine and cheese, you get Jpegs of equine molestation. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=527 |
| Those Poor Horsies | [[Entry of Hannelore's apartment]]
/ Marten: Wow, your place is really ... minimal.
/ Hannelore: I think you mean "empty". It's easier not to fixate on cleaning if I don't have much stuff to clean. / [[By the couch]]
/ Winslow (standing on back of couch): Salutations!
/ Marten: Uh, is that a talking, oversized iPod?
/ Hannelore: Haven't you seen one of these yet? It's Apple's new AnthroPC. His name is Winslow. I just got him the other day. / Marten: He's pretty cute. I've got an AnthroPC downstairs, actually -
/ Hannelore: Pintsize, right?
/ Marten: Uh, yeah. How'd you know his name? / Hannelore: He keeps logging on to my ethernet and taunting Winslow.
/ Winslow: After the third or fourth horse porn image I had to block my ports.
/ Marten: Oh that's not him taunting you. That's his idea of a welcome gift. Instead of a basket with wine and cheese, you get jpegs of equine molestation. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=527# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Number 528: She Let It Slip
/ [[OCD-Girl's apartment, OCD-Girl and Marten are playing Scrabble]]
/ Marten: Jesus Christ you beat me by 114 points.
/ OCD-Girl: When I look at the tiles, they arrange themselves in my mind automatically. I am a Scrabble cyborg. / Marten: Man, you really are. Anyway, I should probably head down and get some sleep. Thanks for having me over, uh...
/ OCD-Girl: Hannelore. Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham. / Marten: Wow, that's a heck of a name.
/ Hannelore: Why thank you. Marten Reed has a nice ring to it as well, you know. / Marten: Wait, how'd you know my last name?
/ Hannelore: I saw it on your mail slot downstairs.
/ Marten: The mail slot doesn't have our names on it, just apartment numbers.
/ Hannelore: Oh, then I must've seen it on your ID tonight.
/ Marten: I didn't get carded.
/ Hannelore: Should I keep trying for an explanation, or is this just making things worse?
/ Marten: Hand on. Lemme go downstairs and get Faye's tazer, then we'll talk. http://questionablecontent.net//view.php?comic=528 |
| Number 528: She Let It Slip | Marten: Jesus Christ, you beat me by 114 points.
/ Hannelore: When I look at the tiles, they arrange themselves in my mind automatically. I am a scrabble cyborg. / Marten: Man, you really are. Anyway, I should probably head down and get some sleep. Thanks for having me over, uh...
/ Hannelore: Hannelore. Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham. / Marten: Wow, that's a heck of a name.
/ Hannelore: Why thank you. Marten Reed has a nice ring to it as well, you know. / Marten: Wait, how'd you know my last name?
/ Hannelore: I saw it on your mail slot downstairs.
/ Marten: The mail slot doesn't have our names on it, just apartment numbers.
/ Hannelore: Oh, then I must've seen it on your ID tonight.
/ Marten: I didn't get carded.
/ Hannelore: Should I keep trying for an explanation, or is this just making things worse?
/ Marten: Hang on. Lemme go downstairs and get Faye's tazer, then we'll talk. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=528 |
| Questionable Content | [[Marten and Hannelore are sitting around the Scrabble board game.]]
/ Marten: Jesus Christ, you beat me by 114 points.
/ Hannelore: When I look at the tiles, they arrange themselves in my mind automatically. I am a scrabble cyborg. / Marten: Man, you really are. Anyway, I should probably head down and get some sleep. Thanks for having me over, uh...
/ Hannelore: Hannelore. Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham. / Marten: Wow, that's a heck of a name.
/ Hannelore: Why thank you. Marten Reed has a nice ring to it as well, you know. / Marten: Wait, how'd you know my last name?
/ Hannelore: I saw it on your mail slot downstairs.
/ Marten: The mail slot doesn't have our names on it, just apartment numbers.
/ Hannelore: Oh, then it must've seen it on your ID tonight.
/ Marten: I didn't get carded.
/ Hannelore: Should I keep trying for an explanation, or is this just making things worse?
/ Marten: Hang on. Lemme go downstairs and get Faye's tazer, then we'll talk. / {{Number: 528}}
/ {{Title text: She Let It Slip}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=528# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | #529: Technically She's Trespassing Now / Marten: Goddamnit, where the hell is the "immodbilize crazy girl" button on this thing?
/ Hannelore: Marten! Wait! / Marten: No way, you stay right where you are. No scooping MY eyes out with a melon baller, Creepy Stalker Girl.
/ Hannelore: I wasn't stalking you! I mean, okay, maybe I followed you around without your knowledge a COUPLE times, but it's not like that, I swear! Please let me explain! / Marten: Okay, fine, I'm listening. I probably shouldn't be listening, but I am.
/ Hannelore: Thank you, thank you. Now will you please put the tazer down? The way you're holding it, it could go off at any- / < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=529 |
| Number 529: Technically She's Trespassing Now | [[Marten holds a tazer]]
/ Marten: Goddamnit, where the hell is the "immobilize crazy girl" button on this thing?
/ Hannelore: Marten! Wait! / Marten: No way, you stay right where you are. No scooping MY eyes out with a melon baller, Creepy Stalker Girl.
/ Hannelore: I wasn't stalking you! I mean, okay, maybe I followed you around without your knowledge a COUPLE times, but it's not like that, I swear! Please let me explain! / [[Marten crosses arms]]
/ Marten: Okay, fine, I'm listening. I probably shouldn't be listening, but I am.
/ Hannelore: Thank you, thank you. Now will you please put the tazer down? The way you're holding it, it could go off at any- / [[Martin hits himself with the tazer]]
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=529# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[So you're going to rip of Q.C.]] [[A pintsize production]]
/ Pintsize: Welcome to my new educational series on intellectual property theft. Let's start with something close to my heart. / [[Step 1: Make sure your music references are obscure enough!]]
/ Marten: Blah lah Korn?
/ Faye: Lol butts lol!
/ {{Bad :( }}
/ Marten: Blah blah Against Me?
/ Faye: Lol butts lol!
/ {{Sorta bad :[ }}
/ Marten: Blah blah blah Sufjan Stevens?
/ Faye: Lol butts lol!
/ {{Rad! :D }} / [[Step 2: Faye used to never use contractions. Be sure to make a big deal of this.]]
/ Faye: I can't open this jar of pickles!
/ Pintsize: Was that a contraction?
/ Faye: I know, it's a pretty big deal. / [[Step 3: A little robot goes a long way]]
/ Pintsize: There's not much time to explain, but we're out of eggs and the cops are on the way. / < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=530 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Pint-size with a pointer pointing at a blackboard. Blackboard reads "So You're Going to Rip Off Q.C. A Pintsize production" ]]
/ Pintsize: Welcome to my new educational series on intellectual property theft. Let's start with something close to my heart. / [[Upper left corner box reads: "Step 1: Make sure your music references are obscure enough!"]]
/ Martin: BLAH BLAH KORN?
/ Dora: LOL BUTTS LOL!
/ [[A Pintsize frown is next to the previous lines with the word "Bad" above the face]]
/ Martin: Blah Blah Against Me?
/ Dora: LOL BUTTS LOL!
/ [[A Pintsize neutral face is next to the previous lines with the words "Sorta Bad" above the face]]
/ Martin: Blah Blah Blah Sufsan Stevens?
/ Dora: LOL BUTTS LOL!
/ [[A Pintsize happy face is next to the previous lines with the word "Rad!" above the face]] / [[Upper left corner box reads: "Faye ues to never use contractions. Be sure to make a big deal of this."]]
/ Faye: I can't open this jar of pickles!
/ Pint-size: Was that a contraction?
/ Faye: I know, it's a PRETTY BIG DEAL. / [[Upper left corner box reads of split panel left: "Step 3: A little robot goes a long way."]]
/ Pintsize: Theres no time to explain, but we're out of eggs and the cops are on the way.
/ [[Split panel right shows Pint-size in a King Kong-esque spread with the the word "RAAA!" above him, two destroyed building in the foreground, and biplanes attacking him. Bottom left corner box reads: "Make sure you don't overdo it and you'' be just fine. Next week: Harry Potter slash fiction!"]] http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=530# |
| Number 531: Ye Olde BBS | Sven: ...So then she smashes all my records, throws my guitar out the window, and starts dumping my laundry into the street. It was like something out of a Whitesnake video.
/ Dora: Oh Lord, Faye just fell off her barstool. I think that's a sign we'd best be going. / Dora: Come on girls, time to go home before one of you goes into toxic shock.
/ Faye: Friggin' stool moved on me, I swear.
/ Raven: It did! I totally *hic* saw it move. / Raven: Oh and yer too *hic* late, Dora. I gave yer brother my phone number and there's *hic* nothin' you can *hic* do about it. / Dora: Oh really. And how, pray tell, did you accomplish this without me noticing?
/ Raven: I beamed it into his MIND. With my MIND POWERS.
/ Faye: The psychic equivalent of a broken 14.4 modem. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=531 |
| Number 531: Ye Olde BBS | [[At the Purple Oppossum]]
/ Sven: ...So then she smashes all my records, throws my guitar out the window, and starts dumping my laundry into the street. It was like something out of a Whitesnake video.
/ Dora: Oh Lord, Faye just fell off her barstool. I think that's a sign we'd best be going. / Dora: Come on girls, time to go home before one of you goes into toxic shock.
/ Faye: Friggin' stool moved on me, I swear.
/ Raven: It did! I totally *hic* saw it move. / Dora: Oh and yer too *hic* late, Dora. I gave yer brother my phone number and there's *hic* nothin' you can *hic* do about it. / Dora: Oh really. And how, pray tell, did you accomplish this without me noticing?
/ Raven: I beamed it into his MIND. With my MIND POWERS.
/ Faye: The psychic equivalent of a broken 14.4 modem. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=531# |
| Hello There | [[Blurry close-up on Hannelore]]
/ Hannelore: Marten...Marten, wake up! / [[Hannelore is on top of a groggy Marten on his couch]]
/ Hannelore: Are you okay? You hit yourself with the Tazer by accident and fell over and I'm really sorry this is all totally my fault and I just wanted to make sure you were okay and then I'll go and you don't ever have to talk to me again I promise I won't bother you ever again and I-
/ Marten: Bluh...hurr...wha happened? / [[Faye has arrived. She is drunk.]]
/ Hannelore: Erk!
/ Faye: Howdy.
/ Marten: CHOUGH! / Faye: Now, the expected thing fer me to do here would be to flip out an' make a big scene, but given what I've seen of Marty's prowess with th' ladies I'm guessin' there's a perfectly rational explanation fer all this.
/ Hannelore: Explanation, yes. Rational, not so much.
/ Marten: I'd say "it's not what you think!" only I'm not even sure what I think this is. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=532 |
| Number 532: Hello There | [[In Marten and Faye's Apartment, Hannelore astride Marten on the couch]]
/ Hannelore: Marten...Marten, wake up! / Marten: Bluh..hurr... wha happened?
/ Hannelore: Are you okay? You hit yourself with the Tazer by accident and fell over and I'm really sorry this all is totally me fault and I just wanted to make sure you were okay and then I'll go and you don't every have to talk to me again I promise I won't bother you ever again and I / Hannelore: Erk!
/ Faye: Howdy.
/ Marten: CHOUGH! / Faye: Now, the expected thing fer me to do here would be to flip out an' make a big scene, but given what I've seen of Marty's prowess with th' ladies I'm guessin' there's a perfectly rational explanation fer all this.
/ Hannelore: Explanation, yes. Rational, not so much.
/ Marten: I'd say "it's not what you think!" only I'm not even sure what I think this is. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=532# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [(Hannelore attempts to leave the apartment)]
/ HANNELORE: Well since Marten's okay and you're back I guess I'll just be going-"
/ [(Faye cuts her off and grabs her arm)]
/ FAYE: Oh no you don't. How d'you know me an' Marty? / [(Hannelore has an ashamed look, while Faye smiles at the situation, and Marten sits on the couch, confused)]
/ HANNELORE: Well uh I don't KNOW you, I just... um... watch people sometimes.
/ FAYE: Figures the first girl you bring home'd be a stalker.
/ MARTEN: Hey, I didn't BRING her anywhere. She lives upstairs. / ([Faye points at Hannelore])
/ FAYE: Lemme guess, you're the one who vaccums her apartment at four in the mornin'.
/ HANNELORE: Yes, but I'm not a stalker! I just.... noticed you guys, and you seemed nice, and I was trying to figure out how to introduce myself but I couldn't think of a good way to do it. / ([Faye leans against the couch as Marten still sits there, and Hannelore stands in the middle of the room])
/ FAYE: How about, y'know, knocking on our door and just introducing yourself?
/ HANNELORE: I was afraid I'd seem creepy.
/ MARTEN: If irony were water, this apartment would be Lake Michigan http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=533 |
| Number 533: I Am Seriously That Introverted | [[Marten and Faye's Apartment]]
/ Hannelore: Well since Marten's okay and you're back I guess I'll just be going-
/ Faye: Oh no you don't. How do you know me an' Marty? / Hannelore: Well uh I don't KNOW you, I just..um...watch people sometimes.
/ Faye: Figures the first girl you bring home'd be a stalker.
/ Marten: Hey, I didn't BRING her anywhere. She lives upstairs. / Faye: Lemme guess, you're the one who vacuums her apartment at four in the mornin'.
/ Hannelore: Yes, but I'm not a stalker! I just...noticed you guys, and you seemed ice, and I was trying to figure out how to introduce myself but I couldn't think of a good way to do it. / Faye: How about, y'know, knocking on our door and just introducing yourself?
/ Hannelore: I was afraid I'd seem creepy.
/ Marten: If irony were water, this apartment would be Lake Michigan. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=533# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Hannelore: Okay, I think I'm gonna go upstairs and dust the ceiling before bed. It was nice meeting you Faye, and I'm really sorry about tonight, Marten.
/ Faye: It's okay sweetie, we can be friends. But if you invite me over and I find a shrine to Marty in yer closet, shit is goin' DOWN.
/ Marten: I dunno, it'd be kinda flattering. See you around, Hannelore. / Marten: Well, now you know how MY night went. How was yours?
/ Faye: It was pretty good! Dora and Raven and I went to see Sven play at a bar. / Faye: We missed you at the coffee shop today, y'know.
/ Marten: Yeah, sorry about that. I went out drinkin' with Steve instead, and...
/ Faye: It's ok Marten, I know you need some space to regroup after last night. Things're probably gonna be weird for a while. / Marten: "For a while"? My life hasn't stopped being completely fucking bizarre since you said "hi" that first time.
/ Faye: Aw, is it really so bad? I figure the weirder your life is, the more fun you're having.
/ Marten: Sure, until I get devoured by interdimensional hyenas or pressganged into service on a gnome submarine.
/ Pintsize: Or until little robots start running around everwhere causing trouble! Man, that'd be INSANE. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=534 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Number 534: Living A Decemberists Song}} / [[Interior: Marten and Faye's apartment. Hannelore is at the open door, about to leave. Faye stands closest, smiling, her arms crossed. Marten stands back, smiling.]]
/ Hannelore: Okay, I think I'm gonna go upstairs and dust the ceiling before bed. It was nice meeting you Faye, and I'm really sorry about tonight, Marten.
/ Faye: It's okay sweetie, we can be friends. But if you invite me over and I find a shrine to Marty in yer closet, shit is goin' DOWN.
/ Marten: I dunno, it's be kinda flattering. See you around, Hannelore. / [[Hannelore leaves, shutting the door. Faye and Marten both walk towards the couch, smiling. Faye walks with her hands behind her head.]]
/ Marten: Well, now you know how MY night went. How was yours?
/ Faye: It was pretty good! Dora and Raven and I went to see Sven play at a bar. / [[Faye puts her hands down. Marten turns to Faye, his left hand behind his head.]]
/ Faye: We missed you at the coffee shop today, y'know.
/ Marten: Yeah, sorry about that. I went out drinkin' with Steve instead, and...
/ Faye: It's ok Marten, I know you need some space to regroup after last night. Things're probably gonna be weird for a while. / [[Marten slumps onto the couch, his head tilted back looking at the ceiling. Faye puts her right hand on Marten's left shoulder. Pintsize climbs up onto the back of the couch.]]
/ Marten: "For a while"? My life hasn't stopped being completely fucking bizarre since you said "hi" that first time.
/ Faye: Aw, is it really so bad? I figure the weirder your life is, the more fun you're having.
/ Marten: Sure, until I get devoured by interdimensional hyenas or pressganged into service on a gnome submarine.
/ Pintsize: Or until little robots start running around everywhere causing trouble. Man, that'd be INSANE. / {{Copyright 2003-2006 J.Jacques}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=534# |
| Questionable Content 535: | {{Number 535: That Dude Was A Total Badass}}
/ [[Marten & Faye's apartment]] / Marten: Whoa Faye, you look rough.
/ Faye: Hlugh blargh. I need some coffee and a retroactive kick in the head for drinking so much last night. / Marten: I can do the former but not the latter.
/ Faye: Mmm, that's good. I don't actually want my head kicked, it'd burst like a year-old goose egg. What're your plans for today? / Marten: Oh, I dunno. Maybe go to the mall, meet another cute girl who'll turn out to be a necrophiliac furry LARPer or something.
/ Faye: Har. Well make sure you're around tonight, I'm planning to reveal that in addition to my father's suicide, I've got severe emotional trauma stemming from watching Bambi and learning that Santa isn't real on the same day. / Marten: Wow, I didn't expect you to be cracking jokes about that stuff so soon.
/ Faye: < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=535 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: Whoa Faye, you look rough.
/ Faye: Hlugh blargh. I need some coffee and a retroactive kick in the head for drinking so much last night. / Marten: I can do the former but not the latter.
/ Faye: Mmm, that's good. I don't actually want my head kicked, it'd burst like a year-old goose egg. What're your plans for today? / Marten: Oh, I dunno. Maybe go to the mall, meet another cute girl who'll turn out to be a necrophiliac furry LARPer or something.
/ Faye: Har. Well make sure you're around tonight, I'm planning to reveal that in addition to my father's suicide, I've got severe emotional trauma stemming from watching Bambi and learning that Santa isn't real on the same day. / Marten: Wow, I didn't expect you to be cracking jokes about that stuff so soon.
/ Faye: I'm trying to use humor to help me face adversity. You know that famous photo of the Chinese protester standing in front of that column of tanks? I bet he was making silly faces at them. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=535# |
| Number 526: Co-conspirators | Raven: Dora! You're not planning on spending the whole day dressed like THAT, are you?
/ Dora: Yeah, why? / Raven: What if Marten comes in? You have to look your best if you're gonna set the trap.
/ Dora: Trap? Is there a tiger pit in here I'm not aware of? / Raven: Look, Faye said she can't get together with Marten, right? And you think he's a cutie, right?
/ Dora: Right...
/ Raven: Well you can't overtly put the moves on him, that would be way uncool in this situation. He has to come to YOU, and for that to happen you have to set a sexy trap so before he even knows what hit him he's all "HURR DORA MMM HURR". / Dora: Jesus Christ Raven, that's the single most devious, cynical thing I've ever heard you say. Watch the store for a couple minutes. I'm gonna go get a skirt and some lipstick.
/ Raven: Atta girl! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=536 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Raven: Dora! You're not planning on spending the whole day dressed like THAT, are you?
/ Dora: Yeah, why? / Raven: What if Marten comes in? You have to look your best if you're gonna set the trap.
/ Dora: Trap? Is there a tiger pit in here I'm not aware of? / Raven: Look, Faye said she can't get together with Marten, right? And you think he's a cutie, right?
/ Dora: Right...
/ Raven: Well you can't overtly put the moves on him, that would be way uncool in this situation. He has to come to YOU, and for that to happen you have to set a sexy trap so before he even knows what hit him he's all "HURR DORA MMM HURR". / Dora: Jesus Christ Raven, that's the single most devious, cynical thing I've ever heard you say. Watch the store for a couple minutes. I'm gonna go get a skirt and some lipstick.
/ Raven: Atta girl! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=536# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: ...And so THAT'S why "Brown Eyed Girl" is an allegory for anal sex.
/ Marten: Well great, now whether you're right or not I'll never be able to listen to that song again.
/ Raven: Hi guys! / Faye: Where's our spooky employer, anyway? Leaving you to mind the shop is like leaving a baby seal to mind the, uh, seal-meat-processing plant?
/ Marten: That one was a bit of a stretch.
/ Faye: Yeah, the hangover has me off my game. Focus, Faye!
/ Raven: You two are weird. Dora just went out to, um, get some tampons or something, I wasn't really paying attention / Faye: Anyway, pick another one - I can deconstruct and reveal the true meaning of almost any classic tune. I'm like the oracle of Delphi only dirtier and less cryptic.
/ Marten: Okay, how about an easy one. "Fat Bottomed Girls" by Queen.
/ Faye: Ironically, that song really is just about fat-bottomed girls and their invaluable contribution to the consistency of the earth's rotation. / Marten: I had no idea Freddie Mercury knew so much about geophysics. What about Bohemian Rhapsody, what's that actually about?
/ Faye: Man, what ISN'T that song about. That track is a microcosm of human existence.
/ Marten: Damn, I can't wait for the killer guitar riffz to kick in in MY life then.
/ Raven: Wayne's World 2 just wasn't as good as the original. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=537 |
| Just Think About It, Really | Faye: ...So yeah, "Love in an Elevator" is all about Stephen Tyler's claustrophobia.
/ Marten: Really. And here all this time I thought it was about livin' it up when he was goin' down.
/ Raven: Hi guys! / Faye: Where's our spooky employer, anyway? Leaving you to mind the shop is like leaving a baby seal to mind the, uh, seal-meat-processing plant?
/ Marten: That one was a bit of a stretch.
/ Faye: Yeah, the hangover has me off my game. Focus, Faye!
/ Raven: You two are weird. Dora just went out to, um, get some tampons or something, I wasn't really paying attention. / Faye: Anyway, pick another one- I can deconstruct and reveal the true meaning of almost any classic tune. I'm like the oracle of Delphi only dirtier and less cryptic.
/ Marten: Okay, how about an easy one. "Fat Bottomed Girls" by Queen.
/ Faye: Ironically, that song really is just about fat-bottomed girls and their invaluable contribution to the consistency of the earth's rotation. / Marten: I had no idea Freddie Mercury knew so much about geophysics. What about Bohemian Rhapsody, what's that actually about?
/ Faye: Man, what ISN'T that song about. That track is a microcosmof human existence.
/ Marten: Damn, I can't wait for the killer guitar riffz to kick in in MY life then.
/ Raven: Wayne's World 2 just wasn't as good as the original. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=537# |
| Questionable Content Number 537: Just Think About It, Really | TITLEBAR: Number 537: Just Think About It, Really
/ TRANSCRIPT:
/ PANEL 1
/ Faye: No, I'm serious! "Brown Eyed Girl" is about Van Morrison's love of anal sex!
/ Marten: I'm not sure which is more disturbing, the fact that you believe that urban legend or the mental image it conjures.
/ Raven: Hi guys!
/ PANEL 2
/ Faye: Where's our spooky employer, anyway? Leaving you to mind the shop is like leaving a baby seal to mind the, uh, seal-meat-processing plant?
/ Marten: That one was a bit of a stretch.
/ Faye: Yeah, the hangover has me off my game. Focus, Faye!
/ Raven: You two are weird. Dora just went out to, um, get some tampons or something, I wasn't really paying attention.
/ PANEL 3
/ Faye: Anyway, pick another one- I can deconstruct and reveal the true meaning of almost any classic tune. I'm like the oracle of Delphi only dirtier and less cryptic.
/ Marten: Okay, how about an easy one. "Fat Bottomed Girls" by Queen.
/ Faye: Ironically, that song really is just about fat-bottomed girls and their invaluable contribution to the consistency of the earth's rotation.
/ PANEL 4
/ Marten: I had no idea Freddie Mercury knew so much about geophysics. What about Bohemian Rhapsody, what's that actually about?
/ Faye: Man, what ISN'T that song about. That track is a microcosm of human existence.
/ Marten: Damn, I can't wait for the killer fuitar riffz to kick in in MY life then.
/ Raven: Wayne's World 2 just wasn't as good as the original. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=538 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Dora: Okay, so do I want to go with the tight, low-cut top, or jusst pull out all the stops and lace up the corset?
/ Mieville: Mew.
/ Dora: Nah, fuck the corset. The shop doesn't have a faintng couch anyway. / Dora: What do you think, red lipstick or black? Red is kinda passe, but the black makes me look like a friggin' dominatrix. Which is probably bad, considering what Marten's mom does for a living.
/ Mieville: Mewwww. / Dora: What goes with this outfit better, clunky goth boots or ladybug flats? Would the boots make me look taller than Marten? That'd be awkward. What do you think? Mieville?
/ Mieville: Mew mew MEW murrrr.... / Dora: You're useless when you're high on catnip, you know that?
/ Mieville: Mewww mew?
/ Dora: No I will NOT put on Dark Side of the Moon and Wizard of Oz for you. Goddamned stoner cat. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=538# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[at the coffeehouse]]
/ Dora: Hey kids.
/ Faye: Hi spookybutt.
/ Marten: Hey Dora. / [[Raven and Dora whispering]]
/ Raven: Dora! What happened to our plan? You are distinctly not sexied-up right now!
/ Dora: The thought of spending an entire day in a miniskirt and 4-inch heels got the better of me. Besides, Faye would break my limbs if she caught so much as a whiff of schemin' over Marten. / Faye: You're whispering. Should I be suspicious? Is my fly down? Do I have VPL issues?
/ Dora: No, no, no, nothing like that. Raven was, uh...
/ Raven: Asking if I could borrow one of her tampons! That she bought at the drugstore! Which is where she was! / Faye: Ok, now Old Faye would pummel one of you until you confessed to whatever you're scheming. New Faye is just going to tell herself that you're planning a surprise birthday party or something and try to forget about it.
/ Raven: I like New Faye! Being pummeled is no fun.
/ Dora: She's got fewer calories but just as much body as the original. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=539 |
| Quick Thinking | [[Inside Coffee of Doom]] / Dora: Hey kids.
/ Faye: Hi spookybutt.
/ Marten: Hey Dora. / Raven: Dora! What happened to our plan? You are distinctly not sexied-up right now!
/ Dora: The thought of spending an entire day in a miniskirt and 4-inch heels got the better of me. Besides, Faye would break my limbs if she caught so much as a whiff of schemin' over Marten. / Faye: You're whispering. Should I be suspicious? If my fly down? Do I have VPL issues?
/ Dora: No no no, nothing like that. Raven was, uh...
/ Raven: Asking if I could borrow one of her tampons! That she bought at the drugstore! Which is where she was! / Faye: Okay, now Old Faye would pummel one of you until you confessed to whatever you're scheming. New Faye is just going to tell herself you're planning a surprise birthday party or something and try to forget about it.
/ Raven: I like New Faye! Being pummeled is no fun.
/ Dora: She's got fewer calories but just as much body as the original. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=539# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: That's a big spoon
/ Faye: It's an Indonesian Fighting Spoon. You can scoop a man's lung out in the blink of an eye with this sucker.
/ Dora: Stop making up lies or I'll hit you with the Malaysian Battle Spatula. Now go take out the garbage like I told you to half an hour ago. / Dora: So, now that she's occupied, how are you holding up? You okay?
/ Marten: Huh? Oh, you mean with the whole Faye thing. . . yeah. I'm all right. Probably doing better than could be expected, really. / Dora: Well, I just want you to know I'm here for you, if you need anything.
/ Marten: Aw, well thanks. It'd be nice to find sometime to tell you my side of the story and see what you think about it all.
/ Dora: I'd like that. / Faye: Eeek! Ow ow ow ow!
/ Dora: Oh Lord. Faye probably thought I was joking about that spatula. I'd better go make sure she didn't lop off a hand or anything. That fucker's sharp.
/ Marten: Why do you even have a Malaysian Battle Spatula, anyway?
/ Dora: Shit, why WOULDN'T we have one?
/ Marten: I, uh. . . I don't know what to say to that. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=540 |
| Number 504: Utensils of Doom | Marten: That's a big spoon.
/ Faye: [[Holding up a big spoon]] It's an Indonesian Fighting Spoon. You can scoop a man's lung out in the blink of an eye with this sucker.
/ Dora: Stop making up lies or I'll hit you with the Malaysan Battle Spatula. Now go take out the trash like i told you to half an hour ago. / Dora: So, now that she's occupied, how are you holding up? You ok?
/ Marten: Huh? Oh, you mean with the whole Faye thing...yeah. I'm alright. Probably doing better than could be expected, really. / Dora: Well, I just want you to know I'm Here for you, if you need anything.
/ Marten: Aw, well thanks. It'd be nice to find some time to tell you my side of the story and see what you think about it all.
/ Dora: I'd like that. / Faye (from off screen): Eeek! Ow ow ow ow!
/ Dora: Oh Lord. Faye probably thought i was joking about that spatula. I'd better make sure she didn't lop off a hand or anything. That fucker's sharp.
/ Marten: Why do you even have a Malaysan Battle Spatula, anyway?
/ Dora: Shit, why WOULDN'T we have one?
/ Marten: I, uh...I don't know what to say to that. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=540# |
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