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| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Sven: Hey, Penelope.
/ Penelope: If you're looking for Faye, she went home for the day.
/ Sven: Actually I was looking for Dora. I think I've lain low enough so she won't kill me on sight now.
/ Penelope: She's out to dinner with Marten right now. Who's your friend?
/ Sven: Oh, this is Wil. Wil, Penelope.
/ Sven: Don't mind him, he just gets uncontrollably poetic around girls.
/ Penelope: I don't mind being oded as long as he keeps it above the neckline. Luscious-fruit and delicate-flower similes are third-date material at best. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1142 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Who-who WAS that heavenly creature?
/ Penelope. I tried to introduce you. / Her golden hair... her limpid eyes...
/ Oh god, here we go. / At last, I've found my muse! I... I must have her!
/ If you're that smitten, go back and talk to her.
/ No, no, no. I couldn't possibly communicate with such a divine being. Unless... / That's it! A single rose with a sonnet ties 'round it, left at the coffee shop door every morning by a mysterious, cloaked stranger!
/ Please tell me you don't actually own a cloack.
/ I have several. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1143 |
| Number 1144: Geppetto: The Later Years | [[Hannelore and Faye sitting on the couch, Faye drinking a beer]]
/ Hannelore: So you don't wanna go out with Sven, but what about other boys?
/ Faye: Psh, WHAT other boys? Angus? No thanks. / Hannelore: Well, I mean, there are other guys in town. You could...meet them? Somehow? I don't really know how it works.
/ Faye: Why are you so concerned with gettin' my love life up and running again, anyway? / Hannelore: I just want you to get better and be happy, you know? And...and if YOU can do it, then maybe someday I could be normal too.
/ Faye: Aww, honey! You don't have to worry about being "normal", everyone likes you just the way you are! / Hannelore: Really? So you're NOT all highly-trained actors being paid off by my parents to offer me the illusion of a normal social life?
/ Faye: We're actually very complicated marionettes. If you look closely enough you can see the strings! http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1144 |
| Questionable Content: 1145: Typhoid Marten | Hannelore: You're NOT really actors pretending to be my friends, right?
/ Faye: If we werewe wouldn't be able to tell you, so what's the point in worryin' about it? / Hannelore: It's just weird- I went from not having any friends, to meeting Marten, to all of a sudden knowing all these different people.
/ Faye: That's the way it works, hon. You meet one person, you meet their friends, you meet their friends' friends... / Hannelore: It's just like the way diseases spread!
/ Faye: Er, that's one way of looking at it, yes. / Hannelore: As far as pathogens go, friendship is pretty okay.
/ Faye: Common symptoms include an increased sense of well-being, occasional intoxication, and in severe cases ill-advised make-outs. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1145 |
| Number 1146: Unintended Retribution | [[Marten and Dora return to Marten and Faye's apartment. Faye is relaxing on the couch with a drink. Hannelore is there too.]]
/ Faye: Hey kids! How was dinner?
/ Dora: Tasty!
/ Marten: Not so great, apparently. / Dora: What's wrong?
/ Marten: I dunno, I think there was something weird in my food.All of a sudden I feel- / < http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1146 |
| Number 1147: Some People Would Be Into It Though | [[Marten is kneeling in front of the toilet bowl in his apartment looking very ill. Dora is kneeling upright on the floor behind him looking concerned]]
/ Dora: I'm so sorry, honey.
/ Marten: It's not your fault. / Dora: Is there anything I can do to help?
/ Marten: Nah. I just wish I had something to distract me from the waves of nausea. / [[Dora looks thoughtful for a moment]] / [[Dora grins and pulls up her t-shirt exposing her bra-clad breasts]]
/ Marten: I appreciate the gesture, but I'd really rather not associate your boobs with projectile vomiting. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1147 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Hannelore: dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty
/ Faye: Hanners? Hannelore? C'mon, snap out of it. I need your help. I have no idea how to clean vomit out of carpeting. Or off shoes. / Hannelore: ...gin.
/ Faye: Excuse me? / Hannelore: Combine two parts gin with one part freshly squeezed lemon juice and a drizzle of sugar syrup. Add soda water garnish with a slice of lime. / Faye: Hannelore, that's the recipe for a Tom Collins.
/ Hannelore: You don't seriously expect me to clean up barf sober, do you? / {{And A Fancy Drink, At That}} http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1148 |
| Questionable Content 1149: Don't Even Ask About the VIP Room | Pintsize: Hey. 'Sup?
/ Winslow Hello.
/ Faye: Where've you guys been all night? / Pintsize: Bachelor party for a friend.
/ Winslow: ED-210 is finally coupling the cable.
/ Faye; Wait, robots have bachelor parties? Like with android strippers? / Pintsize: Yeah, pretty much.
/ Faye: You don't sound too enthused. / Pintsize: I dunno, seeing a bunch of chicks writhing around flashing their PCI slots doesn't really do much for me. I'm more of a breast man.
/ Winslow: Also, you can't get a lap dance if you don't have a lap http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1149 |
| Number 1150: Poor Choice Of Anecdote | [[Faye and Dora at Coffee of Doom]]
/ Faye: Hey Dora, is Marty doin' any better today?
/ Dora: Not really. The food poisoning seems to have switched to his, uh, other end. / Faye: Ew. Poor guy.
/ Dora: Yeah, I asked if I could get him anything and he said "a family-pack of toilet paper, a copy of War and Peace, and a gun with a single bullet, just in case." / [[Faye looks horrified]]
/ Faye: Th-that's terrible!
/ Dora: Huh? / [[Dora looks panicky. Faye appears nonplussed]]
/ Dora: Oh- oh God Faye, the gun thing, I didn't mean, I mean Marten didn't-
/ Faye: What are you talking about? I meant the War and Peace part. I fuckin' hate Tolstoy. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1150 |
| Number 1151: Nice Try Though | [[Dora and Faye behind the counter at Coffee of Doom]]
/ Dora: Seriously though Faye, I'm sorry. We shouldn't make jokes about-
/ Faye: Oh whatEVER. Yeah my dad killed himself and yeah, it's pretty awful, but I'm not gonna be all "oh how could you I have PROBLEMS" any time someone makes a suicide reference. / Faye: The days of "oh woe is me" Faye are over! I'm tougher and stronger now!
/ Dora: I'm glad to hear it. / Dora: You can use your newfound strength and toughness to clean the bathroom. It's your turn. / [[Faye puts on her most tragic expression]]
/ Faye: The... the memories of my TRAGIC PAST... they've just come back and hit me full force...
/ Dora: Nice try, lazysaurus. Now get to moppin'. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1151 |
| Number 1152: Orders From On High | [[Hannelore approaches Marten who is lying on his couch looking ill. Hannelore appears concerned]]
/ Hannelore: Hi Marten, how are you feeling?
/ Marten: Eh. Not great. Sorry about last night. That musta freaked you out pretty bad.
/ Hannelore: I-it's okay. Everybody gets sick sometimes. / Hannelore: So what was the name of the place that gave you food poisoning, anyway?
/ Marten: Oh, O'Reilley's Pub and Steakhouse. Why? / [[Hannelore pulls out her cellphone and dials a number]]
/ Hannelore: Hey, mom? It's called O'Reilley's Pub and Steakhouse. No, no "mysterious accidents." They probably have families that's why. Just get some health inspectors in there.
/ Hannelore: Hang on, I'll ask him. / [[Hannelore puts her hand over the phone and turns to Marten]]
/ Hannelore: Do you want to change their name?
/ Marten: What?
/ Hannelore: O'Reilley's.
/ Marten: N-no, I'm good. / [[Hannelore returns to her cellphone]]
/ Hannelore: He says keep the name, mom. Okay, thanks. I owe you one. Bye. / Marten: What... what did you just do?
/ Hannelore: Being the only child of an evil corporate overlord has a few very distinct advantages. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1152 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Marten and Hannelore are in Marten's living room.]]
/ Marten: Your mom *BOUGHT* the place?
/ Hannelore: Yep! They won't be serving any food-poisony meals anymore. / Marten: Hannelore, that was a family-run business! What if your mom decides to replace it, or shut it down? Innocent peopel could lose their jobs!
/ Hannelore: B-but ... they made you sick! / [[Marten puts his hand to his head as Hannelore cringes.]]
/ Marten: I'm pretty sure they didn't *MEAN* to. Accidents happen. It's no reason to *buy them out.*
/ Hannelore: But ... but I ... I w-w-was ju-just ... / [[Hannelore is in full tears as Marten looks off, guilty.]]
/ Hannelore: *Bwaaaah! I wuh-was just t-trying to huh-huh-HELP!*
/ Marten: This has been the *GREATEST DAY*. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1153 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | You okay now?
/ Y-yes. / I'm sorry i snapped at you. I get cranky when I'm not feeling well.
/ I'm sorry too. I was just trying to make it better. / I understand, and I appreciate it, but i don't think buying out the restaurant is the right way to do it.
/ I thought I'd finally be able to put my powers to good use, but it just did more harm than good. / Well, it's like they say- "With great power comes great responsibility."
/ It actually doesn't. My mom never woulda gotten to where she is if she thought she was responsible for her actions. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1154 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[At Coffee of Doom]]
/ [[Faye and Dora stand behind the counter, looking up at the ceiling]]
/ http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1155 |
| Number 1156: No Sign of Hsu :( | Faye: I still don't actually remember what happened.
/ Doctor: That's common in cases of minor concussion. You've got some nasty bruising on your shoulder, too, but I didn't see any damage in the x-rays. / Dora: I was so scared when you fell off the ladder. I thought you'd broken your neck.
/ Doctor: You're very lucky. A fall from that height could easily have broken some bones, or worse. / Doctor: Anyway, ice that shoulder, take some ibuprofen for the pain, and get plenty of rest. Contact us immediately if you notice any worsening symptoms. Do you have someone who can keep an eye on you for the next 24 hours or so?
/ Faye: Y...yes.
/ Doctor: Okay then, let me go get the release form and you'll be good to go. / Faye: Did a raccoon REALLY fall out of the vent?
/ Dora: Yeah, then it ran out the front door.
/ Faye: Man, I really don't remember.
/ Dora: You were screaming about "raccoon pogrom" and how you'd "cleanse the earth of their vile little grabby paws." I actually had to hold you down while Penny called the doctor. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1156 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Marten, Dora, and Faye are in Marten's living room. Faye is icing her shoulder.]]
/ Dora: Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?
/ Marten: A little better. What's with the ice-pack, Faye? / Faye: Fell off a ladder. Hurt my shoulder and got a concussion.
/ Marten: Jesus, that's awful!
/ Dora: We need to keep an eye on her for the next day or so. Can you do that while I go help Penny close up?
/ Marten: Y-yeah, I can manage. / Dora: 'Kay. I'll be back in a little while.
/ [[She kisses Marten on the top of the head.]]
/ Faye: What, no kiss on the forehead for me? / Dora: I could send Sven over here to take care of that.
/ Faye: No thanks. I make enough bad decisions around him *without* a concussion.
/ Marten: "Girls Gone Wild: Head Trauma Edition." http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1157 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Faye and Marten are sitting on the couch in their living room.]]
/ Marten: Man, how long has it been since it was just you and me sittin' on the couch like this?
/ Faye: It's been a while. / Marten: Any minute now, Pintsize is gonna come in here and do something weird.
/ Faye: That would be expected.
/ [[Pintsize has entered, looking pained.]]
/ Pintsize: Not gonna happen. / Marten: Er, what?
/ Pintsize: I've stagnated. My wacky antics have become tired, predictable, PASSE. I need to take my art to the next level, but I can't find the proper muse.
/ I will find a cold, grey beach and stand on it, staring out to sea. I will smoke a cigarette and ask the waves rhetorical questions about existence. / Faye: And I thought COLLEGE STUDENTS going through artistic crises were annoying.
/ Marten: How did you get those bags under your eyes?
/ Pintsize: Dry-erase marker. I didn't feel sufficiently fraught without them. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1158 |
| Number 1159: Totally Cool, She Swears | [[Marten's appartment, Faye is sitting down on the couch, Marten hands her an ice pack]]
/ Faye: So how are things going with you and Dora?
/ Marten: Oh, pretty good, pretty good. / Marten: Why? Do you know something I don't?
/ Faye: No, no! I was just asking! / Marten: How about you and Sven?
/ Faye: Oh, HIM? Psh. It's not like we're DATING. Hell if I know what he's up to. / Faye: Why, do you know something I don't know?
/ Marten: What? No! / Marten: Come to thing of it, I did see him walkin' around town with some girl the other day.
/ Faye: Hmph, see? He's moved on already. / [[Silent panel, Faye squeezes the ice pack]] / [[Faye has a very cross look, the ice pack is dripping on her knees]]
/ Marten: Um, y-you're dripping. Is-
/ Faye: EVERYTHING IS FINE NOTHING IS THE MATTER http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1159 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday - Number 1160: MoCCA Fillah | [[a completely blank frame]] / [[a simple line drawing of a pretty girl peeks in from the right side of the frame]] / [[She moves into the center of the frame, looking somewhat confused. We see that she's wearing a t-shirt and shorts.]]
/ Girl: Um, hey. Jeph, uh, Jeph is really exhausted from MoCCA and can't do a regular comic tonight, so he yanked me out of his sketchbook to use as filler. I don't even have a name or anything. So, uh ... I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be doing. / [[She looks less pleased.]]
/ Girl: I tried asking that little bird but all he said was "it's your fuckin' gig now, sweet-tits."
/ Sweet-tits.
/ I guess that's my name. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1160 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: What did she look like?
/ Marten: Who, the girl Sven was with?
/ Faye: Yeah. / Marten: Um, kind of... bookish, I guess? She had dark hair in a bun and big glasses.
/ Faye: And she was cute, right? Like, attractive, but not mindblowingly beautiful?
/ Marten: I guess... / Faye: Dear God, what have I done?!
/ Marten: Huh? / Faye: Don't you understand? I got Sven into nerdy chicks!
/ Faye: Naive, idealistic girls with low self-esteem and frustrated libidos! They'll be powerless to resist his charms! / Faye: He's the wolf among the lambs! The fox in the henhouse! The antipersonnel mine at the marching band convention!
/ Marten: The sousaphone was originally used as a primitive mine-clearing device, in that nobody would miss the sousaphone player if he found one. / {{title text: She's Projecting a Bit}} http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1161 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: Ah-HA! / [[Faye grabs woman]]
/ Woman: Who are-
/ Faye: Listen, you have to come with me. You don't know Sven like I do.
/ Faye: He might SEEM like a nice guy, but he'll only end up hurting you if you fall for his charms! / Woman: Whoa, whoa. You've got the wrong idea, lady. Sven is my CLIENT.
/ Faye: Your WHAT?! / [[Faye turns to Sven]]
/ Faye: You fucking SCUMBAG! I knew you were low, but to hire some WHORE to-
/ Sven: She's not a whore, she's my lawyer. / [[Faye looks mortified, mouth agape]] / {{title text: Conclusions}} http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1162 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: Oh my God I am SO MORTIFIED right now.
/ Marten: Yeah, that was... not one of your finer moments. / Faye: I'm such a hypocrite. I seduce Sven and then get all self-righteous at the tiniest prospect of him sleepin' with another girl.
/ Marten: You've had a bad day, you weren't thinking clearly. / Faye: God, I never shoulda hooked up with him. I though I could be a grownup about it, and look at me. This was a huge mistake.
/ Marten: Mistakes are okay, though. Everybody makes them! It's how you learn to be better in the future! / Faye: Well let's see, I've done Ill-Advised Hookup, and I just finished Irrational Recrimination. What's next?
/ Marten: Ice Cream as an Emotional Band-Aid, I think.
/ Faye: Psh. I got THAT merit badge forever ago. / {{title text: Regret Scouts}} http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1163 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Sven: I'm really sorry about that. Faye's a nice kid, she's just kinda... crazy.
/ Lawyer: Par for the course, with you. Although I didn't think you liked brunettes. / Sven: I usually don't. She's the one who started it.
/ Lawyer: And you just went along for the ride, so to speak?
/ Sven: Har har. / Sven: Man, it's a good thing we WEREN'T doin' it when she burst in.
/ Lawyer: Yeah buddy, that's never gonna happen.
/ Sven: What, you don't find me attractive?
/ Lawyer: Not as attractive as your money. / Sven: Perfect! Lemme go put on my special thong. It's made of hundred-dollar bills.
/ Lawyer: SO glad I only accept checks and money orders. / {{title text: Illegal AND Disgusting}} http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1164 |
| Number 1165: Not Quite As Good As Raspoutin's Wang, Though | [[Faye and Marten's appartment]]
/ Dora: Oh yeah, that's Harriet. She really is Sven's lawyer.
/ Marten: I didn't know lawyers made house calls. / Dora: They don't usually, but she's a friend of his from college. This was probably a social visit as much as anything professional.
/ Faye: Oh *really*. / [[Dora is slightly miffed, Faye looks ansty]]
/ Dora: They're not sleeping together Faye. I mean, I wouldn't put it past my brother, but she has standard.
/ Faye: Sven has a way of... *subverting* standards. / Dora: If Steve Jobs and John F. Kennedy had a time-traveling clone-baby, he *might* be able to get her non-work number. I he went back in time and killed Hitler, she'd *consider* going to second base.
/ Faye: Ooh, maybe he DID, and the suicide thing was just a clever ruse!
/ Marten: Who needs flowers and chocolate when you've got Hitler's brain in a jar? http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1165 |
| Questionable Content: #1166 Universal Standard | [[Marten and Faye's Apartment]]
/ Faye: All right, I'm goin' to bed. If I go into a coma, don't resuscitate me.
/ Dora: Okay, we'll divide your belongings by lottery. / Dora: Ho boy. It looks like she's got the hots for my brother after all.
/ Marten: You think so?
/ Dora: You saw how she was all "rawr" over the POSSIBILITY of Sven bangin' another girl. / Marten: Does it bug you?
/ Dora: No, I just think she's setting herself up to be hurt. Sven isn't like you, he won't put up with her passive-aggressive bullshit. / Marten: Gee, thanks. It's nice to know that I represent the baseline standard for spinelessness.
/ Dora: You're a reliable point of reference. When you die, they'll put you in a vault in France next to the kilogram. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1166 |
| Number 1167: Sweet-tits is still pissed about her name | [[blank frame]]
/ Unseen: Fucking goddamn asspissing dickcunt! / [[Sweet-tits, from comic 1160, walks in, dripping wet and wrapped in a towel]]
/ Sweet-tits: I'm in the middle of a fucking SHOWER and all of a sudden it's "oh, it,s Jeph's birthday and he doesn't feel like doing a REAL comic, so can you fill in?" Like, GEE THANKS, it sure is GREAT to know I'm just fuckin' Filler ART for when that asshole is too busy drinking scotch and cussing out the police to do his fuckin' JOB. / [[she turns toward the readers]]
/ Sweet-tits: And YOU PEOPLE. You make me SICK! LOOK at you. You're fucking SALIVATING at the THOUGHT of what's under this towel right now, you pathetic Internet dorks! You'd LIKE me to take the towel off, wouldn't you? Get your jollies off from ogling a perfectly innocent person who was just trying to SHAVE her ARMPITS in PEACE? / [[She turns around, blushing]]
/ Sweet-tits: Well... You can't, jerks.
/ Jeph-bird: Less girl rage and more titties next time! What do you think this is, a fuckin' Indigo Girls show? http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1167 |
| Number 1168: Hellish Carapace | [[Hannelore is reading]] / [[She looks sideway at a centipede on the top of the couch]]
/ < http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1168 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Faye and Dora lie in bed kissing, wearing nothing but t-shirts and panties.]] / [[Faye's head suddenly transforms into a fish head at same moment that Dora's transforms into a moose head.]] / [[Marten sits up in bed as if from a nightmare, looking horrified. He doesn't notice his breasts - yet.]] / [[Marten looks down and realizes he has breasts, touching them experimentally.]] / [[Marten wakes from his nightmare looking normal but freaked out, while Dora snoozes net to him.]] http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1169 |
| Number 1170: Shoulda made them snails | [[Dora, dressed as a skimpy sorceress, looks angrily at Marten and a random girl, possibly Elen, making out on a park bench.]] / [[She changes the both of them into rabbits]]
/ < http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1170 |
| Number 1171: Coming fro anyone else it'd be funny | [[walking on the street]]
/ Hannelore: ...And then a GIANT centipede appeared and started yelling at me about how I killed its dad. It was horrible!
/ Dora: In My dream, Marten was makin' out with some other girl, and I used a magic spell to turn them both into rabbits. But then the rabbits started humping!
/ Marten: So THAT's why you punched me. / Dora: Anyway, what was your dream about?
/ Marten: Man, mine was too weird to even explain. My subconscious is way fucked up.
/ Hannelore: really? Do you get the recurring dream where the rapping penis tells you to kill your friends too? / [[Beat panel. Hannelore looks thoughtful as Marten and Dora glance at her.]] / [[Hannelore imitates a rapper]]
/ Hannelore: "My name is DJ Phalliz and I'm here to say kill your friends, kill them with a knife." http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1171 |
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