You're browsing the archives of Partially Clips.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Championship Dance | Well congratulations again, William. You know how this little town revolves around high school basketball. I can't think of anyone who isn't here to celebrate your state championship. / Thanks, Mrs. Langston. / / So will you go on to bigger and better things? Or do you think someday you'll get to be my age... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1069 |
| Quarterly Results | Manager: What an awful quarter! Right here, you can see it all: the fires, the flood, the plant explosion, the crop pests, the mine collapse. What caused all of this? / Vice-president: I'd say certain bad acquisitions in the previous quarter. / / Manager: We shouldn't have bought the tomb-raiding company. / Vice-president:... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1070 |
| Three Witches | Witch 1: That's all, only the stirring is left. Oh I'm so glad the town council didn't vote to ban our traditional evil brew! / Witch 2: Well how could they, when they've all got laryngitis? / Witch 3: That was a fine spell, Esclandra. / / W 1: Yes. The coughing-up of beetles was a nice touch. / W 2: Thank you,... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1071 |
| Grandpa Planting | Girl: Grandfather, why do I feel so different from the other kids all the time? / Grandfather: Ah, well. It's time you learned the truth about this family, little one. We are from another star system. / You are being raised as a human so that you can learn their ways... knowledge that you must have it you... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1074 |
| Thanksgiving | And in particular, Lord, we are thankful for family... That this joining of two great families, the Hopes and the Turners, has allowed each to experience life through the eyes of the other. / / Speaking on behalf of the Turners, we are thankful that our eyes have been opened to all that might have gone... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1078 |
| Kids Feeding Horse | I heard about two kids who wouldn't do their chores? And they died? And the Devil made them pick needles on his cactus farm for all eternity. / Really? / / Uh huh. And there was these other kids who didn't do their chores, and they died, and the Devil made them shovel flaming cow pies from his demon cows... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1080 |
| Exterminators | Hey Dwight? What do you pretend we're killin' instead of bugs? / What? Nothing, just bugs! Termites, ants, and wasps, man! / Damn, you've said some freaky things, but now I know you're a psychopath. / / Sorry. / / Okay, but you know I gotta ask-- / Orcs. As they scale the walls of Helm's Deep. http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1085 |
| Wartime Ladies | WOMAN 1: It was the government posters about motherhood which really convinced us to have anoter child. We must do our part to defeat the kaiser, and all. / EMILY: But that's such a funny thing, isn't it? Thinking of one's womb as a weapon of war? / / WOMAN 1: You're not married yet, Emily. Someday you'll... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1086 |
| Football Holder | Holder: OK, Charlie Brown, I'll hold the ball, and you run up and kick it. / Kicker: What? What is that supposed to mean? Are you saying you're gonna pull the ball away? / / Holder: No Zack, it's just a joke. I'm just trying to lighten up a long practice. / Kicker: Well it's not funny! Kicking is a mental game!... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1087 |
| Couple in Convertible | WOMAN: Well that's it, Richard. Our thrill-seeking days are over. No more extreme behavior. / RICHARD: Agreed. Besides, we could never top that last job for sheer audacity. / On to California to settle down and raise a family. / / WOMAN: I can't wait! / Do you think we'll ever tell our kids about these days?... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1088 |
| NASA Kid | Man: And this is a picture of the Apollo 11 module on the moon. / Boy: Nuh-uh. I saw on TV that the moon landing was fake. / Man: Ah. / Y'know kid, we here at NASA kind of feel that we're the agency that was responsible for mankind's greatest accomplishment. / / Man: And yet, your generation is being brought... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1089 |
| Tent | Voice 1: Hey what do you think the oldest joke in the world is? / / faaaaart. / / Voice 2: You...sulphurous bastard. / Voice 1: But I'm right! http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1090 |
| Water Skier | Roger: Oh man! Are we really gonna go through with this? / Woman: We have to, Roger! / Hit it, Kyle. / Kyle: Hi! I'm Kyle. No last name. I'm a character in a PartiallyClips comic strip, talking to you, the reader! / / Roger: He did it! He broke the fourth wall! / Woman: Woo hoo!! Stay loose, Roger! Keep your knees... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1091 |
| Rebuilding the Wall | Narrator: And on the Third Day the Creator was sorely vexed with Himself, and unto the Clip Art people He did command, "Thou shalt rebuild the sundered 4th Wall." / And whilst the 4th Wall was incomplete He did makest three promises unto the Reader: / / Narrator: 1. "I shall Never Break This Wall Again, as... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1092 |
| Chickens | Hen 1: He's coming for our eggs again, girls. Help me take him down this time. / Hen 2: No! / Hen 3: Forget it. I don't know where you get these violent ideas, anyway. / Hen 1: I'll tell you. Some researchers bred North American roosters to African hens, hoping to increase production. / / Hen 1: Instead, they... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1093 |
| Undersea Captain | Captain: Beneath the sea, a man can finally find a peaceful solitude. The ocean's depths bring an unmatched serenity to the turbulence of the soul. / (Sound: Knock, knock) / / Captain: The strangeness beckons one's curiosity. The dim sights and alien sounds play upon a man's mind, revealing as much about... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1094 |
| Caveman Couple | Woman: And so we have buried another son, thanks to his foolish father. / Man: You don't understand, woman. Hyena-baiting is an important sport. It teaches proper spear handling, and -- / / Woman: No! You're finished. No more dangerous games with the boys. No "hyena-baiting," no "snare the adder," no "snatch... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1095 |
| Doing Homework | Essay Test: Suppose that the events in Hamlet had transpired in modern times. Would DNA evidence be enough to convict King Claudius? Or would his celebrity status sway a jury into a "not guilty" verdict? / If so, could Hamlet prevail in a wrongful death suit in a civil court? / / In our post-OJ, post-Clinton,... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1096 |
| Shark Diver | Diver: I can't believe Agent Higby's nerve, saying I "embellish the details" of my missions. Just because he's in Signals Intel and never leaves HQ. Jealous wanker. / / Diver: I mean, just that withering look he gave me when I said that I was planning to infiltrate Baron Zrfeld's underwater base by scuba...... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1097 |
| Garden Shed | Narrator: Seeking a way to "make extra cash," ordinary teen Max Martin answers an ad in a Spider-Man comic book. / Three weeks later, hig lightbulb-powered incubator and six quail eggs arrive by US Mail. / / Narrator: Max plans to sell the quail eggs to "gourmet restaraunts" as the brocure instructs, but... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1098 |
| Spaceships 1 and 2 | COMIC ONE / Spaceship1: Commander, do you think we will ever make peace with the humans? / Spaceship2: No, podling. It can never be. We have gathered a century's worth of their transmissions, and we know they are irredeemable. / Did you not view enough "Diff'rent Strokes" in your training creche? / / COMIC TWO: / Narrator:... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1099 |
| Lighthouse | Damn, the bulb is out again / Now where am I gonna find 1,001 Polacks at this time of night? / / / / Oh come on, that was funny. / Woof. http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1100 |
| Cowboy Riders | Cowboy1: Hey Prescott? What do you know about women? / Prescott: Precious little, compadre. Women are a divine and terrible mystery. / Cowboy2: You ain't just whistlin' Dixie. / / Cowboy1: Well Susie was cryin' when we left town, and I can't figure if it was somethin' I said, or what. / Prescott: I couldn't... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1101 |
| Team Building Exercise | Woman1: Ok, let's start the stupid team-building exercise. / Woman2: I hate these. / Man: It says the four of us are in a room, with no visible exits... / Ian: Oh! I know this one! It's from a Star Trek episode. One of us has to die so the others can live. / / Woman1: Good. Which one of you will it be? / Woman2:... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1102 |
| Weenie Roast | That scene is etched in my mind... The last moment my family was together and happy. / I was drinking a soda, my sister was roasting a weenie. Mom was handing Dad a platewith a weenie she had just roasted for him. / / We all remember what happened next a little differently, but I know what *I* saw. / That... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1103 |
| Tug of War | They're tough / We're wearing 'em down, though / C'mon, pull! Rip their fuckin' arms out! / Jesus, Claire. / Hey settle down back there! You got energy to chat, you got energy to pull harder. / / Errrf. / Really, Claire, it's a game. / No it's a war! It's "tug...of...war." It's not tug of fuckin' sanctions! / Well, it's... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1104 |
| Roller Bladers | Man: It all comes back to Socrates asking, "What is virtue?" I say virtue is self improvement, the realization of one's potential. / Woman: Oh c'mon, you would say that; you're a self-improvement nut. / You should try and come up with a definition of virtue that doesn't play into your personal strengths. / / (beat... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1105 |
| Straw House | Father: You know, son... the entire island contributed to send you to university. / Son: I know. / Father: For every page in your textbook, someone caught a fish. For every class you will take, a grove of palms was harvested. / Son: I know, father. / / Father: So I have to ask you, for everyone's sake, including... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1106 |
| Sled Dogs | Husky1: This pack is weird, isn't it? The alpha only has two legs... a cripple. We drag him out hunting every day, but we never kill anything. / Husky2: Yeah but he provides. When we get done, he just goes in the house and he brings us kibble! He's got food, and he shares it. Every time! That's a good... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1107 |
| Penguin Mom | MamaPenguin: Good Christ, you're ugly. / BabyPenguin: I know. I can't help it. / / MamaPenguin: But why? Babies are supposed to be cute. Every other mother on the planet gets an adorable bundle of joy. Penguin babies look like a pancreas with five o'clock shadow. / BabyPenguin: Nature has a reason for everything,... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1108 |