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| Crow | Crow: That's a wide road, badger. Are you prepared to cross it? / Badger: Shut the hell up, crow. / Crow: Heeeeey, badger badger. Hey badger. Hey badger. / / Crow: Heyyyyy badger, badger, badger! Heybadger-heybadger-heybadger... / Cross! Cross, badger! Cross! / Badger: Arrrrrrrrrrrgh!!Car: Whump-whump / / Crow: Oooh,... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1305 |
| Steamer | Captain: Hold it, chaps. Is that a sarcophagus? / Archaeologist: Yes. A little one. / Captain: And does it have a mummy inside of it? / Archaeologist: Er, yes. A little one. / Captain: I told you, "No mummies!" I'm selling the steamer when we get to Cairo, and I don't need to have it wrecked by the lving dead,... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1306 |
| Meadow | Butterfly: I'm back from the faerie princess' mission. / Grasshopper: What did you do? / Butterfly: I flew across the enchanted meadow, to where the teddy bears were having their picnic. / / Butterfly: Today, "Amity Bear" learned an important lesson about sharing. / Grasshopper: Did she. / Butterfly: Mm. / At the... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1307 |
| Hot Air Balloon | Balloon therapy: take a ride up to 2000 feet and tell the world what you really think of it. / Customer: Fuck fundamentalists! / Fuck the mainstream media! / Fuck cell phone drivers! / Balloon Operator: You tell 'em, sir. / Customer: Fuck the human condition! / Fuck mortality! / Fuck entropy! / Balloon Operator: That's... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1308 |
| Elks | Eddie: Huff! Huff! Ohhh! / Elk 1: Eddie, what are you doing? / Elk 2: He's humping the air. It's sad. / / Elk 1: Hey, I'm breathing that air, man. / Eddie: Ungh! Ohhh~ Huff! Huff! Nng! / Elk 1: Why is he doing it? / Elk 2: Desperate, instinctive response to knowing he can't mate. It's the most pathetic thing we... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1309 |
| Recipe Book | Man: This is a final proof, Mrs. Scott. I just need to confirm that we got your cheeseburger pie recipe exactly right, before we send this to press. Is it right? / Woman: Oh yes. Yes, this is the pie I killed my husband with. / Man: The pie you... / What did you say? / / Woman: Well played, detective. I'm... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1310 |
| Doves | Dove 1: So, this dove walks into a bar... / Dove 2: Who? / Dove 1: What? / Dove 2: Who was it? / Dove 1: No-one. It was a... random dove. / Dove 2: Oh! You're telling a joke. / Dove 1: I realize that's usually a futile pursuit around you, but yet. I'm trying to. / So, this dove walks into a bar... / / Dove 2: Was it... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1311 |
| Easter Bunny | Rabbit: You find all those Easter eggs yet? No? / / Rabbit: You need a hint? / / Rabbit: Arright, start Duke Nukem 3D from the command line, and load episode 1, level 7. / You should now be in a secret leve with the developer's photos pasted into astronaut suits. Have fun! http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1312 |
| Deejay | Boss: You want to earn a gold star? / DJ: I live for the non-monetary compensation. / Boss: We have a new bug. I don't have the budget to get an ad agency. / DJ: For a pop 40 station? Howbout, "the shortest loop of corporate crap in your teriary market!" / / Boss: Can't use a word like "tertiary." / DJ: Right. / Okay,... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1313 |
| Ants in Nest | Queen Ant: Okay, well I'm excited! / It can be a little scary, I know, working for a brand new colony. / Just remember the power of the franchise. Ants've been around for a hundred million years. It's a proven success formula. / / Queen Ant: Now, let's do introductions. We'll start with you? / Drone 1: Um, I'm...... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1314 |
| Ice Breaker | I'm still having trouble seeing this as a vacation. / It's an adventure! / It's unique! / You'll probably never meet another person who's done this. Think of the stories you'll have at parties, right? What an ice-breaker. Ha-ha. / You know what the steward told me? / What's that? / / Under Finnish maritime law, anyone... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1315 |
| Skeleton Soldier | Sorceror: The undead troops don't seem too effective in battle, captain. What's the issue? Loyalty? / Undead warrior: Hardly, my lord. / Not only would we die for you, most of us already have. / Sorceror: Ah, is that the problem, then? The soldiers I ressurected were the ones incompetent enough to get killed... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1316 |
| Tow Truck | Driver: When I saw this old clunker, I expected a geezer, not a young guy.Car's Owner: Yeah, well... My Grandmother left me this car.And if I can keep driving it until I'm twenty-five, I'll inherit the rest of her money. / / Driver: No way. / Car's Owner: Way. / Driver: That's... a pretty weird thing to ask. / Car's... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1317 |
| Palm Trees | Tree 1: About five million years ago, trees had a national sport.It was called "Monkey Plop."Tree 2: How was it played?Tree 1: You'd wait until an arboreal monkey was off-balance, then shed a branch and drop him.You'd get points for splats, points for bounces, ect.Tree 2: That sounds fun. / / Tree 1: Oh... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1318 |
| Doing Dishes | Woman: Well that was a disaster. / I told Joan when we invited them. We're not religious. We don't care to discuss it. / Man: They can't help themselves. / Woman: What tore it was that gem from Frank: / "I look at you and I see two nice, bright, lovely people..." / / Woman: "...But if you don't accept Christ into... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1319 |
| Spider on Web | Spider: This is a web.Ya see how structured and orderly it is?That thing ya got, with the browser wars and the whiny blogs, and the ads with the elongated pigs?Not a web. / / Spider: Y'know, they useta give spiders LSD, just to see what kind of fucked-up webs we would make.Well lemme tell ya, you guys win,... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1320 |
| Working Late | Black man: You know that thing where you add "in bed" to your fortune? Did the Chinese start that?Asian man: The fuck should I know? I'm from Portland. And my family's Japanese.Black man: Sorry.Asian man: Anyway, the "in bed" thing is played. I've got a better one. / / Asian man: You take any ad slogan,... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1321 |
| Woman With Vision | Woman: Wait. I'm getting a vision. / waiter: A vision? / Man: She gets visions. / Woman: I'm climbing up a stairway...there's a caged bird at the top. I free it. It flies out, over smoky waters.... / / Waiter: What does it mean? / Man: Stairway? Free bird? Smoke on the Water? / Are you in a garage band? / Waiter:... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1322 |
| Looking at Drawing | Man: Here, you see this tree stump? How it's shaped like a penis? / Woman: Oh my gosh!Man: And over here? This building? / / Woman: Another one!Man: Right. We have the illustrators do this intentionally, to generate product buzz.It's subtle enough that we can claim we never noticed. / / Woman: Oh yeah... I... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1323 |
| Baby Chicks | Chick 1: Hi brother! What's new?Chick 2: We're new.We just hatched. Everything's new. / / Chick 1: Oh.Chick 2: That's the first question I've ever heard in my life.I have to say, it's also the dumbest question I've ever heard in my life. / / Chick 1: But is it... also the smartest question you ever heard... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1324 |
| Doctor and Boy | Doctor: This allergy to dairy food is going to seal it, Bobby.With you asthma and your astigmatism... You're going to have to become a geek.Bobby: Aw, man. / / Doctor: It's just a matter of choosing which kind. Music geek, drama geek, gamer geek... lots to choose from.Bobby: But alls I like is sports. / / Doctor:... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1325 |
| Shar Peis | Dog 1: So in a few thousand years, people bred us from wolves to this. Basically, just 'cause we're funnier to look at.Dog 2: Mmmmmm...Did tall guy give you a peanut butter cookie? / / Dog 1: Yes.Dog 2: Lucky.Dog 1: I'm worried. What's gonna happen when they get really good at genetics?Maybe they'll think... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1326 |
| Air Traffic Controller | Man: Weater reasearch balloon 40, you are a go for...Um. / / Man: Damn, I can't read my writing.What's the code phrase for deploying the scram nacelles and engaging the pre-burn for hypersonic flight? / / Pilot: ... / A moisture sample. / Man: Right. / Man they should never have put me at black ops. http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1327 |
| Inappropriate Dinner Talk | FEMALE DINER: DID YOU EVER FART, AND IT SOUNDED LIKE SOMEONE SAYING THE WORD, "FART?"MALE DINER: UM, NO... / / FEMALE DINER: OK NEVER MIND. I'M EMBARASSED.MALE DINER: NO-NO. DON'T BE. / / MALE DINER: ACTUALLY, ONE TIME? IT CAME OUT, "STROGANOFF."FEMALE DINER: GOD. I HOPE YOU MEAN THE WORD http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1328 |
| Cowboy Eulogy | Cowboy: What can I say about Dewey? / He was an odd one. / Too clever fer hizzown good sometimes. / / Cowboy: If y'd told me I was gonna hafta bury a man on this trail ride, I'da figured one a y'all'd get shot. / ...or bit by a rattlesnake. / / Cowboy: But it takes a clever man to figure out how to get shot by a... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1329 |
| Bellhop | Android: Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to be explicitly clear. / / Android: Are you saying you'll come to harm if your need is not met? / / Android: Because I mean, yes... I'm an android. But I'm also a bellhop. And I'm very busy. / The Three Laws of Robotics really shouldn't be abused for that kind of... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1330 |
| Women with Tea | Blonde: [Specific assertion.] / Brunette: [Request for elaboration?] / / Blonde: [Expository anecdote in apparent support of assertion made in panel 1.] / Brunette: [Set-up question related to detail in anecdote?] / / Blonde: [Revelation of previously unstated fact which completely contradicts assertion. Obliviousness... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1331 |
| Couple by Airplane | Woman: What kind of contraption is that? / Man: That's Henry's airplane. It's a Ford trimotor. / Woman: Augh. It's awful. / / Woman: The man has no aesthetic sense. / I should put him in touch with some of the artists I know. / Man: Oh yes, I'd love to fly in a plane that was designed by Salvador Dali. / / Woman:... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1332 |
| Garden Woman | Woman: As my daddy taught me, the best way to deal with moles is to whack them right in half with a hoe or spade. / / Woman: Now, this is tricky. / Until you improve your aim and arm strength, you'll get a lot of wounded escapees. / Don't worry about these. / / Woman: They'll serve as an example to others. http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1333 |
| Frontier Writer | Frontiersman: Since Mr. Clemens has demonstrated the market worth of observational humor, I thought I'd try my hand. / Here goes. / / Frontiersman: Did you ever notice how uncivilized, unsanitary, unsafe, inconvenient, large, bigoted, and smelly the frontier is? / / Frontiersman: What's up with that? http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1334 |