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show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ] [[Apartment Building]] / Dave: What is it exactly that you have in mind? I don't get it... / Margaret: It's simple, comrade! We go to my place, get my stuff, and then we're ready to kick some butt! / Dave: Your place? But that's a contaminated area! / Margaret: Oh, damn! That's true! Well, let me think... / Margaret:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: You want me to go in THERE? / Margaret: Yeah, I need you to distract your roommates while I look for the gas masks. / Dave: Um, I don't know. I'm no good at creating diversions, see, and... / Margaret: I know, but I thought you'd be embarassed if you did the less dangerous job. / Dave:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike, Roger: GROUP HUG! GROUP HUG! / Dave: This is like, the MOTHER of all NIGHTMARES! / Margaret: Run, Forrest, run! / {{Part of the "CRFHeck" storyline}} [[Girls' Apartment]] / Dave: "Run, Forrest, run"? I think you were having a little bit too much fun in there... / Margaret: I'm sorry, I couldn't help it! You looked so cute running from the two carebears... / Dave: Don't say "CUTE"! / Margaret: Whatever. Have your gas mask. / Dave: I feel strangely attacted to... [[Girls' Apartment]] / Margaret: Dave, what on Earth are you doing??? / Dave: I think the air is safe, as long as we don't get too close to the cute people. Don't worry. / Margaret: Cool. I'm not worried. / Dave: Okay, okay. No need to get defensive... / Margaret: I'm not being defensive! / Dave: Now you're yelling. / Margaret:... [[Girls' Apartment]] / Dave: Grenades??? / Margaret: Here, put them in your backpack... / Dave: I'm NOT gonna carry them! / Margaret: Okay, carry the greande laucher, then... / Dave: Did you say grenade laucher? / Margaret: I made it myself, but I think the trigger is a little loose, so watch out. / Dave: I refuse... [[Girls' Apartment]] / Dave: You are SO salivating over your weapons. / Margaret: Aaw, they don't rust or anything... / Dave: That's not my main worry. / Dave: I don't get it! I mean, how can you LOVE those things so much? They were designed to KILL PEOPLE! / Margaret: Sheesh, Dave! Guns don't kill people, people... [[Girls' Apartment]] / Margaret: I have a lot of canned goods! My survivalist friend, "15-fingers" McCoy, sold them to me. I sold him some things, too, before... / Can: SPROING! / Dave: Um, your friend knows the value of a good post-apocalypse laugh... / Margaret: EX-friend! I guess this was his revenge for... [[Outside]] / Dave: Wow, have you ever seen the street this empty? / Margaret: This is getting ugly. I've not seen an uncute person in hours... / Margaret: Yikes! / Scientist: I don't know how it happened! It all went WRONG! The interdimensional door was NOT supposed to be that BIG! / Scientist: And Cthulhu was... [[Outside]] / Dave: I can't breath with thing on. / Margaret: You'll get used to it. / Dave: I know oxygen is a bad habit, but... / Dave: Eeep! Urk! *snort* / Margaret: What? Are you having a fit? Insulin shock? / Margaret: Aw, hell. Please tell me I won't have to give you mouth-to-mouth... / Dave: BONK! / {{Part of... [[Outside]] / Margaret: Hey! Just what the...??!! / Margaret: Eeep! Urk! *snort* / Margaret: Dave, you moron! Wake up already and HELP ME!!!! / Dave: *Groan* Not now, Ma! I'm having a porno dream! / {{Part of the "CRFHeck" storyline}} [[Outside]] / Dave: Margaret! We have to split before Cthulhu comes back! Are you okay? / Margaret: *groan* / Margaret: Why, I've never felt so okay in my whole life! I'm so STINKIN' OKAY! Let's sing a song! / Dave: Oh no! Please, not you! / Dave: You're gonna pay for this, Cthulhu, you tentacle freak! / Margaret:... [[Outside]] / Dave: I'm gonna get you, Cthulhu! I'm gonna find you and hunt you down like a dog! I'm... / Dave: Figuratively speaking, only, of course... / {{Part of the "CRFHeck" storyline}} [[Outside]] / Dave: Rats! Not even a scratch! What's this guy made of, steel? / Gun: BANG! / Scientist: You moron, you think you can hurt it with a wimpy SHOTGUN? You'd need a cannonball! And don't look at it directly in the eye, it'll eat your mind! / Dave: Well, if you know so much about it, why don't you... [[Outside]] / Dave: There's just no way to defeat this monster! I better get out of here FAST! / Dave: Margaret, what are you doing? Don't you see Cthulhu is coming? Run!!! / Margaret: Have some grenades, you WIDDLeSNUGGLYFUZZYPRECIOUS, foulsmelling, CUTEFUZZYCUDDLY slime-THINGIE! / {{Part of the "CRFHeck" ... [[Outside]] / Dave: I gotta tell you, Margaret, even when you're cute, you're downright SCARY! / Margaret: Eeew! At least I got my mind back! / Margaret: I just hope the world appreciates this... / April: Wrath of ye gods!!! / Marsha: Ha! What a ridiculous outfit! / Mike: Gaaaah! Why are we watching "Baby Geniuses"??? / Roger:... [[Outside]] / Dave: Well, I hope you're happy. We destroyed Cthulhu. / Margaret: And that was YOUR job! / Scientist: That's a laugh! You didn't destroy Cthulhu! / Dave: Uuuh... we didn't? / Scientist: That was not Cthulhu, it was just his pet micro-dragon. Cthulhu is destroying Tokyo right at this minute. / Scientist:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Well, it's over. I just hope everything's back to normal now. / Mike: And... and when I woke up, I was watching.. oh dear God, Baby Geniuses! / Roger: Oedipus complex, no doubt... / Dave: Oooooh yeah. / {{Part of the "CRFHeck" storyline}} [[Girls' Apartment]] / April: You're going to bed already? / Margaret: Heck, yeah. I killed an evil, mind-eating monster today. I think I deserve it. / April: But what about the big calculus test? / April: You FORGOT? / Margaret: Did you hear something? I think it was the voice of Doom. / {{Part of the "Who Needs... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Okay, let's not panic. I have eight hours to get this inside my head. Seems like an impossible task... / Dave: But in fact, turns out I only have to study a very small bunch of pages every hour! I CAN do that! / Mike: Sure, Dave, but what about Chapters five and six? / Dave: Shhhh,... [[Girls' Apartment]] / Margaret: {Static} / Margaret: It's gone. My brain is gone. / April: Why don't you sleep an hour or two and then get back to it? / Margaret: BLASPHEMER! Every second counts! / {{Part of the "Who Needs Cthulhu...?" storyline}} [[Girls' Apartment]] / Margaret: Take a look at this, will ya? There's a test in the book, but all the answers are WRONG! What a stupid book! / April: You woke me up for THIS? / Margaret: How do they expect us to study this horrible thing when all the answers are so obviously wrong? / Dave: You're already on... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Roger, wake up. Wake up, man. We still have two hours to go. / Roger: ZZZZZZ / Mike: No use, Dave. No power on Earth can wake him up. / Dave: How can he sleep sitting up like that? / Mike: He's like one of those birds whose claws thighten up while they sleep to keep them from falling. / Dave:... [[Girls' Apartment]] / Margaret: I am in control. I am in control. I know everything, and I know I know it. I'm calm. I know I'm gonna ace this test. Everything's gonna be okay. / Margaret: I possess all the answers. My mind is perfectly tuned and one with the universe. / April: For the sixth time, what the... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Mike, what are you doing? We still have half an hour before the test! Every second counts! / Mike: I'm sorry, but this is my not "Giving a damn" phase. / Dave: Uh? / Mike: When I feel my brain is about to explode, I just get involved in some IQ-lowering activity such as watching TV. / Dave:... [[Girls' Apartment]] / Caption: 59 minutes before the test... / Marsha: Say, April... Are you done with the cereal? / April: SNARL / April: Um, sorry. I mean, I'm done. Here... / Marsha: No THANKS! I'm in the mood for Waffles!!! / {{Part of the "Who Needs Cthulhu...?" storyline}} [[Hall]] / Caption: 5 minutes before the test / Roger: zzzz / Arrow: Sleepwalking / Dave: Why are you smiling, man? Don't you understand we're gonna fail and work at a fast food joint for the rest of our lives? / Arrow: Hysteria / Mike: Fast food! Ah-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAH!!! / Arrow: Laughter attack / Margaret: I'm in control.... [[Classroom]] / Mr. Dover: Put down your notes, Dave. The test has started. / Dave: Uh-huh. Just five minutes. / Mr. Dover: Five minutes? Put 'em down now! / Dave: 2 minutes! / Mr. Dover: No way! / Dave: 30 seconds? / Mr. Dover: No! / Dave: 5 seconds? / Mr. Dover: Here's your test, Dave. Take it or leave. / Dave: Fine!... [[Classroom]] / Margaret: I am in control... I am in control... / Mr. Dover: Good luck, Margaret. / Test: Question 1. (point value: 100; partial credit will NOT be given). Consider the growth of a rabbit population when the carrying capacity depnds on time according to this formula: C(t)= ... - 5000 cos([pi]t/6)... [[Classroom]] / Mr. Dover: Time has expired, Dave. You're the only one left. Your work, please. / Dave: Uh-huh. Just five minutes. / Mr. Dover: You do this every time! Turn in your test already! / Dave: 2 minutes! / Mr. Dover: Not even one! / Dave: 30 seconds? / Mr. Dover: For crying out loud... / Dave: 5 seconds? / Mr....

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