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show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ] [[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: You called her a whore??? And exactly WHY did you do that, Marsha? / Marsha: I'm so sorry! It's just that Dave told me she was a hooker and that she was hitting on Mike, and I went postal! / April: GNAAARF!!! / Roger: Dave??? What in the world did I do to you to deserve such backstabbing? / Dave:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: Oh, how NICE ofyou guys. Not only am I a total idiot, I also don't get any help from my so-called friends. All you ever did was talk behind our backs! / April: What? Roger, we never inteded to hurt you! We... / Roger: Well, guess what! The road to the mall is paved with good intentions! / April:... [[Girls' Apartment]] / April: That was AWFUL. My God, I don't know what else can happen. / Marsha: Yeah, it seems like everything turned out as bad as possible. / Margaret: Bad? Wait a sec, Roger didn't do anything, did he? He came a while ago to borrow a gun. / April: You... you gave Roger... a gun... / Margaret:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Oh, you're back. Still mad at us? / Roger: Actually, now. I've been thinking about it, and it's not you guys' fault if I'm so freaking stupid. / Dave: Thinking. Not a wise thing to do when you're bummed. / Dave: Look at me. I keep busy. That's the only way to fight depression. The... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: It's been four days, Roger. Face it, she's not gonna call you. / Roger: Me and my wall would like to be alone, if you don't mind. / Dave: I don't understand what's the purpose of staring at a wall. / Roger: I will get nothing if I'm not patient. Fluffy told me that once. / Dave: Maybe... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Marsha: Poor Roger. I couldn't imagine he cared about Diana so much. He's been staring at that wall for what, five days now? / Mike: He'll be fine. Eventually. He's gone through worse things, I think. / Marsha: I wish there was something we could do for him... / Mike: Well, I can always... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Margaret: Is Roger STILL staring at the wall? / Dave: Seems like it. I think it's gonna take him some time... / Margaret: Yeah, I think so, too. Say, I was thinking... can we talk for a minute? / Dave: Sure we can. As long as you promise me you won't hit me... / Margaret: Hit you? C'mon.... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Margaret: You see, about what happened the other day... / Dave: I'm sorry for all those things I said. I was drugged and babbling... / Margaret: Dave, it's ME who is apologizing. / Dave: You don't need to do that. I'm not angry at you. / Margaret: You think I don't need to, but in fact I... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: AAARRGH!! / Roger: Uuh. Sorry about that. You guys keep on sleeping... / Dave: *groan* / Mike: SHADDUP! / {{Part of the "5-2=0" storyline}} [[Street]] / Mugger: Gimme your wallet, punk. / Nick: No WAY! That's my anime DVD, I mean, food money! / Mugger: My heart bleeds. Now get down with the cash or I'll pin you to the wall... / Roger: You wouldn't happen to be doing something illegal, would you? / Mugger: *ACCK* *Gurgle* Who are YOU??? / Roger: I'm... [[Street]] / Roger: sniff / Roger: Diana??? / Roger: Damn, it's the transvestite stalker!!! / Paul: Oh, I see you are into costumes, too! / {{Part of the "5-2=0" storyline}} [[Street]] / Paul: Hey, big hairy guy, what's the hurry? Come on, I have an electric shaver we can have lots of fun with! / Roger: Yeah right! / Roger: Ugh! I never thought someone with high heels could run THAT fast! / Roger: This was a lousy idea anyway... how many people in this city use her perfume? I'm... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Phone: RIIIIIIIIING / Dave: Mmmgh. / Mike: Phone's ringing, Dave. / Dave: So? / Mike: Pick it up. / Dave: Why me? / Mike: Fine, don't do it. Maybe it's Margaret, anyway. / Phone: RIIIIIIIING / Dave: Why would Margaret call me, Mike? / Mike: Maybe she's cold and wants you to warm her bed. / Dave: Uh-huh. / Mike:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Hello? / Dave: Margaret?? Oh, no, I was awake anyway! How are you? / Dave: Whoa. I see. Okay, don't worry, I'll take care of it. Yeah. Bye. / Dave: Marsha called and said Roger is sleeping naked outside our door, and she said you outta do something about it. / Mike: Mmghh. You liar.... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Hey you, cover yourself. You're scarring people for life! / Mike: What were you doing naked out there? / Roger: Well, if I'm naked, I have no pockets to put my keys in, right? / Mike: Okay, what were you doing out there, naked? / Roger: I turned into a werecoyote to look for Diana.... [[Outside]] / Mike: Here it is. This is where I was standing when Diana fell into my arms. So it's pretty safe to assume she lives up there. / Roger: And if she doesn't, at least someone should know her... / Mike: Exactly. Well, I'm off. Good luck on your Holy Quest. / Roger: Thanks, Mike. I guess you're not... [[Diana's Apartment]] / Roger: Hey. / Diana: YEAAAARGH! / Roger: Wait! Don't... WOAAAUGH! / Diana: Oh my. It was the hand with the eye, right? / Roger: YEAAAARGH-ES! / {{Part of the "5-2=0" storyline}} [[Diana's Apartment]] / Diana: I'm sorry! Does it hurt a lot? / Roger: Of course it hurts! And I'm not talking about my hand! Why did you disappear like that? Why didn't you call me? / Diana: I just thought you'd be better off without me. I don't want you to lose your friends... / Roger: Look, Marsha feels very... [[Diana's Apartment]] / Roger: Diana, I don't want you to get mad at me for asking... but why are you a hooker? I mean, it's a dangerous job... / Diana: Well, if your dad was sick and needed a very expensive operation, wouldn't you do it, too? / Diana: If I don't get the money for it soon, he will die. Do... [[Street]] / April: I'm glad Roger and Diana are together again. But I can't help feeling a little like a loser. Now everybody has someone except me. / Marsha: Aw, you'll find Mr. Right, you'll see... / Margaret: "Everybody"? I don't have a boyfriend, and that doesn't make me a loser. / April: All right, Dave's... [[Street]] / April: Sooo, Paul... busy this weekend? / Paul: Busy? Yeah. Willing to pretend I'm not? Yeah. / April: Great! In that case, would you like to go out or something? / Paul: Actually, I'd rather stay IN, and listen to music, talk, get to know you better... you're really hot, you know... / April: Really?... [[Store]] / Cashier: That's $22.95. Do you want anything else? / Dave: Yes, can I have a $1 scratch ticket? / Mike: Why do you bother, Daev? You never win. Only losers buy those things. / Dave: One dollar won't break me. Besides, I won't even win if I don't try. / Mike: Ehehehe. Relax. I'm just yanking your chain.... [[Hall]] / Dave: knock knock / April: Oh, hi Dave! Margaret's not home right now. I'll make sure she gets these though. They're pretty. / Dave: Um, they're not from me. They're from Mike to Marsha. / April: Aw, well I could give them to Margaret instead and tell her they're from you... / Dave: Mike would kill... [[Girls' Apartment]] / Marsha: Hi, April. / April: Oh, hi Marsha. Mike left flowers for you. They're on the table. / Marsha: Aw, how sweet of him! / Marsha: Mmh. "Marsha, I'm sorry I've been acting like a jerk lately. Can you ever forgive me? Mike." / Marsha: Oh, you silly! Of course I forgive you, Mike! / April:... [[Girls' Apartment]] / Door: KNOCK KNOCK / Marsha: I'll get it! Who is it? / April: Mmmh... / Dave: Um, hi Marsha. I forgot to drop these off with the flowers. They're from Mike. / Marsha: Why thank you! / Dave: Please don't tell me I forgot. He'd hand me my head if he knew. / Marsha: I won't tell him, Dave. / Note:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Marsha: You're so sweet! Don't worry, all's forgiven / Marsha: I have something for you. Just stay there, I'll be right back. / Mike: What was THAT about??? / {{Part of the "Dave's Revenge" storyline}} [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: What's wrong, Mike? / Mike: Marsha's happy about something I did. / Dave: So? / Mike: I have no idea what I did. / Dave: Why, I sent flowers and chocolates to Marsha in your name. / Mike: What? Thanks! Um, why'd you do that? / Dave: Revenge, Mike. Revenge for all the times you've tortured... [[Girls' Apartment]] / Dave: Hi, Margaret. / Margaret: You're in a good mood. / Dave: Pfft! Heh, I just did something cruel to Mike, and he can't do a thing about it. Can I come in? / Margaret: Sure. So, what did you do? / Dave: I bought the flowers and chocolates for Marsha and said Mike did it. I knew... [[Girls' Apartment]] / Caption: Ramen Noodles - $0.29 / Caption: Microwave Repair - $125 / Caption: Carrot - $0.59 / Caption: Five stitches - $375 / Caption: Can of condensed soup - $0.79 / Caption: Heavy-duty soap = $2.49 / Caption: A friend who can cook - priceless / Dave: ZAP! / {{Part of the "Values" storyline}} [[Restaurant]] / Roger: Why are we here, again? / Mike: Because this is where the guy with the test answers wanted to meet us. / Dave: And if you can't believe an anonymous note shoved under our door, who can you trust? / Dave: Look, I'm losing valuable study time. Come on, Roger. / Mike: Fine, leave. I won't...

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