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show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ] [[Girls' Apartment]] / April: Thanks for the help, Pokono! Say hello to Ray, and let's have a veggie burger sometime. / Pokono: You're welcome. If you ever get possessed again, just call me, okay? / April: Thanks to you guys, too! I'll never forget this *smooch* / Mike: Aaaw. Anytime, girl! / Margaret: Laters,... [[Girls' Apartment]] / April: I don't believe you're not Roger. Go on, float around a while... / Roger: I can't. The fight with the entity got me exhausted. / April: Spirits can't feel physical pain. I'm sure you don't mind if I scratch your face a little, just to be sure. / Roger: Okay, so I'm Roger. I don't... [[Outside]] / Marsha: And the fine print says: "No refunds, even if your appliance is haunted. Why did you shop here in the first place?" / April: That DOES it! / Margaret: but...but what on earth are you doing??? / April: Getting rid of the freaking TV! What else? / Margaret: Are you nuts? We can sell it! / April:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Dave! The girls just dumped their TV in the garbage! We gotta take it out, pronto! / Dave: Why? / Mike: WHY??? You idiot, it's a free TV for the first one that takes it! Why not?? / Dave: Gee Mike, I don't know! Maybe because it's HAUNTED??? / Mike: Never mind that! We don't have a... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: You're bungee jumping to get the TV before anybody? What if the rope snaps? / Mike: Not gonna happen. Don't make me nervous, okay? / Roger: but why? / Mike: Two words: FREE TV. You figure it out. / Roger: Well, I have a theory about it... / Mike: I'm dying to hear it, but I gotta jump... [[Outside]] / Mike: Shoot! Missed it! But next bounce... / Rope: POING! / Caption: Today's SURREALISTIC MOMENT is sponsored by COLLEGE ROOMIES from Hell!!! / Roger: Why, Mike, you dummy! You forgot to tie the other end of the rope! / Mike: Hang a sec, there! You're possessed again, right? / Roger: What do you mean,... [[Outside]] / Mike: Yes! the TV is mine... Damn!! Marsha's coming! Where do I hide? Where do I hide? / Marsha: AAAARGH! Mike! Just WHAT are you doing here??? / Mike: "Meoooow?" "Studying the trash can ecosystem..." "Rehearsing for a broadway play..." "I just wanted some privacy, thank you very much." / Mike:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: I can't believe what you just did! You're talking to Marsha one second, the next you're running upstairs like a nut??? / Mike: Okay, so I panicked! Do you want her to think we're pathetic, in addition to being FREAKS? / Dave: She doesn't think we're freaks! / Mike: She does, too! / Dave:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Not again! / Mike: Okay. Let's discuss your so-called "deal"... / Roger: There's no deal. You guys are too weird for me. / Dave: Too weird? Who's floating in mid air? / Roger: Besides, If I'm gonna steal a body, I better choose someone who actually has a life. See ya. / Dave: I guess... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Drat! How are these universal thingies programmed? / Dave: So Roger, What's it like being possessed? / Roger: Well, It's sure the most extreme thing! / Mike: HA! THere ya go, baby! / Roger: You feel like you're dreaming, but it's all real... suddenly your body moves on its own, and... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Damn! It's almost eight. I better start my research right now... okay, just half an hour... / Mike: I can't believe it! It's 10:30 already??? Just five minutes and this time I'm off for sure. / Dave: You're watching TV?? It's 2:14 a.m.! / Mike: Uh-huh. Just a sec... / {{Part of the... [[Boys' Apartment]] / TV: "A cup, closed in my true love's hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end: O Churl! drunk all, and left no friendly drop to help me after? I will kiss thy lips..." / TV: RAW! Pro WRESTLING! Want carnage? Want destruction? Do you CRAAAAVE DESTRUCTION? / TV: "Then I'll be brief,... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: What a sad movie! But at least I didn't get caught watching it. That's just gonna be our little secret, right? / TV Spirit: Listen up everybody! Mike was watching 'Romeo and Juliet'!! / Mike: Shhh! Shut up! What are you trying to do, RUIN ME?? / Dave: Stop smacking the TV... We knew... [[Boys' Apartment, Fair]] / TV Spirit: Hear ye! Hear ye! Mike is watching "Free Willy 2"!!! / Mike: Shut up, you stupid thing! Shut up! Why do you do this? / TV Spirit: I'm bored! I never get out. I Mike: Barf! / Roger: Remind me NEVER to ask your opinion about my hairdo, okay?? / TV Spirit: Hear ye! Hear ye!...
College Roomies from Hell!!! [[Mike walks in carrying a TV and looking ill; Roger is carrying a cap.]] / Roger: Hiya Mike! Look at my new cap! What do you think? / Mike: Mmgghh... / [[Roger is no longer carrying the cap. Mike is not visible.]] / <> / [[Roger is now holding the cap at arm's length, upside down; Mike is walking... [[Apartment Hall]] / Roger: It followed me home! Can we keep it? / {{Part of the "Free TV" storyline}} [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave; Um, that's one heck of a paperweight you've got there... / Roger: This is no paperweight. This is my pet rock. / Dave: Your what WHAT? / Roger: I still have to think of a name for it... How about "Fox Boulder"? Naaah, too spooky. / Dave: The bigger the freak, the bigger the rock. / Roger:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: WHAT? / Mike: Roger, your damn pet rock is up on my bed AGAIN!!! / Roger: It's been behaving pretty bad lately. / Mike: Maybe you're not spending enough quality time with it. Why don't you take some swimming classes together? / {{Part of the "Pet Rock" storyline}} [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: If Mr. Spock lived here, he would have hanged himself a long time ago. / Mike: And when he woke up, the dinosaur was still there. / Roger: Right. But it was not the dinosaur. It was the roach. / Dave: That's IT! What's this, a NONSENSE CONTEST? Why can't things be a little more logical... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: What's that? / Roger: I got my pet rock its own place. / Dave: But it's just a freaking rock! / Roger: "Never underestimate the erosion agents" is my motto. / Roger: Neat, uh? It sure reminds me of something, but I can't figure it out. / Dave: I don't know. Your brain, maybe? / {{Part of... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: It's just a freakin' rock. It can't be staring at me. / Roger: Bad rock! 've told you before not to beg for food! / Mike: Step aside. The damn rock tried to hug my leg a while ago. / Drill: Whrrrrr / {{Part of the "Pet Rock" storyline}} [[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: So you finally thought of a name for your pet rock? / Mike: I gotta be incredibly bored to have this conversation... / Roger: It was a tough decision... / Mike: Can't wait to hear it, Roger. / Mike: Why do I torture myself like this? I can feel my I.Q. dropping down to zero... / Roger:... [[Classroom]] / Teacher: I'll give five extra points to the one who names the ancient greek demon of pointless questions. / Teacher: But it better be right, because if it's wrong, that means a PUBLIC SPANKING! Anyone? / Board: ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE / Mr. Hand: I know, I know! The answer is "YOU"! / Roger:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: Mike! Mike! You gotta help me! Mr. Hand is back, and the teacher spanked me, and... / Mike: I don't see him. / Roger: He's here, I tell you. Hey you, the hand! Say something, do something! C'mon! / Mike: MEEE-OOOW! I mean, get lost, Roger. / Roger: Very clever. But you know what? Maybe... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: Why do you hate me so much? I've been good to you. The creams, the protector gloves... / Mr. Hand: The dumb cooking burning, nail biting, nose picking... but it's not just that. / Roger: It's not? / Mr. Hand: No. You're my handicap. An obstacle in my way to conquering the world. / Roger:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: Look, i don't know exactly what's that you have in mind, but don't count me in, okay? / Mr. Hand: Why, my friend, the next step in world domination is actually pretty obvious. We need an operations center. But I don't want any witnesses around, so your nerdy roomates have to... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: So, Mr. Hand... we meet again, at last! / Mr. Hand: Your powers are weak, ol' Mike. You can't scare me anymore. Now I'm the one who SCARES. / Mike: Takin' off the gloves, uh? Well, I DO have a weapon too! And it happens to be... it happens to be... / Roger: Gosh, I'm glad I can't... [[Apartment Hall]] / Dave: Hey hey hey! What's the pushing for??? / Mike: Running now explaining LA-TAAAAR! / Dave: What was all that about? / Mike: Mr. Hand's back and he's gone POSTAL!! I'll hold the door, you run and get some help! / Margaret: This better be GOOD, Dave. You got me out of the shower. / Dave: Uh...mpht..eeeee...... [[Apartment Hall]] / Dave: Uh... I'm sorry, but we're in a mess here... Go figure, Roger's towel went totally towel, and suddenly wants to towel us, because we know he's really naked under that towel, and... / Door: SLAM! / Dave: Was it something I said??? / April: Hey Dave, are you okay? You look like someone... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Wait! Isn't there enough VIOLENCE in Movie already? Do we have to portray it in real life, too?? / Roger: Run, Mike! I no longer have control over anything! / Mr. Hand: Time to put on your wooden pajamas, buddy! / Mr. Hand: BANZAI and GOOD-BYE! Hah! Get it? / Mike: I don't need a haircut,...

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